Edventure of the Thousand-Year Door: The Rewrite 20
by d4ry1Dxon
Summary: What began as Eddy's latest scam has suddenly left everyone stranded in a strange new world. Edd and Nazz, separated from their cul-de-sac friends, must join forces with heroes from this world, reunite with their own friends, solve a millennium-old mystery, and save this world from an ancient evil. Original fic by legendofzeldarocks
1. 0-1: Lost at Sea

**Prologue Part 1: Lost at Sea**

It was just another day in the small cul-de-sac of Peach Creek. The weather was lovely, with only a few clouds in the sky, not enough to blot out the sun; birds were singing, there was a nice breeze blowing in the air. This is where the kids all lived:

 _ **Eddy McGee**_ _, the loud-mouth semi-sociopath with a penchant for scamming and a love for jawbreakers. He is the self-appointed leader of the Eds who will stop at nothing to fleece the cul-de-sac kids of their money; on occasion, he spreads stories that paint his older brother as being a legend, in misguided attempts to gain respect and admiration. His middle name, to his embarrassment, is Skipper._

 _ **Ed Blastmaster**_ _, the strong but dim-witted behemoth with a long unibrow, who is Eddy's right-hand man for setting up scams; he usually maintains a positive attitude, and a fear of his little sister Sarah. He loves reading comic books, to the point he believes they are real. He loves jawbreakers, gravy, pudding skin, and buttered toast. Also known as "Lumpy," "Lummox," and "Monobrow." His middle name is Horace._

 _ **Eddward Bentley**_ _, commonly referred to as "Double-D" due to his name's spelling, whom is known for being a pacifist with a strict attention to routine, cleanliness, hygiene, and a labeling addiction. He is notorious for wearing a sock-hat on his head (earning him the name "Sockhead" from Eddy) at all times, leading to many theories as to what is under the hat. His middle name, to his consternation, is Marion._

 _ **Nazz Van Bartonschmeer**_ _, the spunky blonde who serves as a love interest for many of the boys in the cul-de-sac. At times she exhibits "ditzy blonde" qualities, but she is actually very smart. She works as a babysitter to make some money; she baby-sat for Eddy while his parents were away, though he believed it to be a date. She is one of the more mature kids in the cul-de-sac._

 _ **Sarah Blastmaster**_ _, Ed's domineering little sister who is quick to anger, usually only sweet and docile when it helps her get her way, and loves playing with her dollies and Jimmy. She has been shown to harbor a crush on Edd. Anytime she catches Ed in the act of messing up, she threatens to tattle on him to their mother. Very rarely does anyone have the courage to stand up to her._

 _ **Jimmy O'Hara**_ _, an insecure boy who is physically and emotionally fragile, shares a lot of feminine interests, and is commonly seen with Sarah. He developed a dark side as a result of his short tenure as Eddy's protégé; it comes out when he is pushed too far. He wears a retainer that circles his entire head, a result of his teeth being ruined by one of Eddy's scams. He is a member of the Urban Rangers._

 _ **Kevin Guiry**_ _, the cynical, shovel-chinned jock. He has a long standing rivalry with the Eds (especially Eddy), whom he regularly refers to as "dorks." Sometimes he's the first one to call out the obvious ruses of Eddy's scams. He has a whole garage full of jawbreakers due to his father's job at the jawbreaker factory. His most prized possession is his bike. He is usually seen hanging out with Nazz and Rolf._

 _ **Rolf Von Oosterhaus**_ _, the son of a shepherd, originally from the Old Country. He keeps a wide array of farm animals on his property, including Gertrude the chicken, Victor the goat, and Wilfred the pig. He is a good friend of Kevin. He apparently has a very eccentric family, with very strange customs, and he tends to speak in third-person. He is a member of the Urban Rangers, along with Jimmy, Jonny, and Plank._

 _ **Jonny 2x4**_ _, a boy with a large head (earning him the nickname "Melon-head") who is kind, imaginative, and gullible, and dreams of being a hero. He has a penchant for getting on the other kids' nerves, a trait that is at times exploited by Eddy. Perhaps his most defining trait, however, is that he is rarely seen without his best friend, a wooden 2x4 board named Plank; both are members of the Urban Rangers._

 _ **Plank**_ _, a 2x4 wooden board with a face drawn on "him." "He" is Jonny's imaginary friend, and they are rarely seen apart, with very few exceptions. There has been some debate as to whether Plank is sentient, given a number of incidents in the series; it can be widely believed that Plank has some sort of control over Jonny. Danny Antonucci has confirmed, however, that Plank is "just a piece of wood."_

Edd sat on a rock near the creek, close to nodding off, while charting a course on a map. He just didn't want to be bothered on this beautiful day, but he had been roped into setting up his friend Eddy's latest scam. All too familiar with Eddy's scamming history, he had already begun to expect this latest endeavor to fail.

"HEY, SOCKHEAD!" came his friend's ear-piercing shout, startling Edd out of his daze. "Snap out of it already and help me set up!"

"Eddy, we've already done this before!" Edd protested. "Last time around, the Kanker Sisters foiled our water-cruising voyage and deflated the rubber flotation device we used as a yacht."

"Yeah, yeah, quit your blubbering and get to work, Double-D!" Eddy fired back.

The Eds were putting preparations in place for Eddy's latest endeavor: Ed's Sailing Lessons. They had brought a sailboat, a canoe, and a motorboat from their houses to offer sailing lessons to the kids, with Eddy setting the price at 25 cents per customer per lesson. Edd, nearly overexerting himself, towed the canoe and the sailboat to the creek-side, while Ed pushed the motorboat. Each boat was set to hold three people each: the Eds, plus the six other kids (and Plank). Each of the Eds wore the same gear they had during their failed Creek Cruise venture; however, this time, Edd wore a large backpack containing some sailing equipment as well as (to his dismay) his pedal steel guitar, an instrument in which he was immensely skilled but detested playing.

"Go get the pigeons, Lumpy!" exclaimed Eddy. "This'll be the best score of the year!"

"Okey-dokey, Eddy!" exclaimed Ed jovially. He ran off, chanting "Get the pigeons, get the pigeons" on repeat.

Edd pulled out a map and busied himself charting the course for their sailing route. Seeing this, Eddy quickly grew annoyed.

"Oh, _now_ what are you doing?" he groaned.

"I'm simply plotting the course," explained Edd. "It's my intention to ensure that this time around, your facetious water adventure will not be met with failure."

"…yeah, sure, you do that, Sockhead," mused the disinterested Eddy.

"Right," continued Edd, not caring that Eddy was ignoring him, "now, we follow the main creek, take a right at the fork, then we follow the creek through the woods, past the trailer park, and circle back to here. Apropos."

"AHOY!" came the shout of Ed, who returned to the creek now carrying the other kids: Sarah, Jimmy, Jonny, Plank, Kevin, Rolf, and Nazz, the latter wearing a red bandana over her hair. He dropped them onto the ground and shouted, "The pigeons have landed, Eddy!"

"Good job, Monobrow!" exclaimed Eddy.

The kids looked at what was going on, and the reactions were mixed but cynical, as expected.

"Aw, here we go," mused Kevin, disinterested. "Didn't you dorks already do this?"

"We're offering sailing lessons. Care to join us?" proclaimed Edd.

"Sailing?" began Jimmy. "Why, that-"

"Stuff it, Sockhead! I'm doing the campaign, I'll speak!" demanded Eddy loudly.

Edd sighed in exasperation. Eddy pulled out a bullhorn and began to proclaim loudly:

"AHOY, LANDLUBBERS, AND WELCOME TO ED'S SAILING COURSE! WE'LL TAKE YOU ON A GRAND JOURNEY AND SAIL THE CREEK! COME AND BE BONA-FIDE SAILORS! JOIN US ON THE EPIC JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME!"

He would have shouted more, but the bullhorn mysteriously shut off, inciting relieved sighs from the other kids. (None of them noticed, however, that Edd was holding the batteries behind his back.)

"Forget it, Lunkhead! We're not interested!" shouted Sarah. "C'mon, Jimmy."

Sarah and Jimmy turned to leave, his hand in hers, but Edd moved in front of them.

"Please reconsider! The first sailing lesson shall be free of charge," he explained.

"FREE?!" screamed Eddy in protest.

"Yes, Eddy," explained Edd matter-of-factly. "People, my concern is not with money; it's about educating the public with knowledge that you may find useful."

"Man, this is _so_ lame," mused Kevin.

"Aw, come on, Kev, I'm going!" said Nazz. "It could be fun!"

Wanting to impress Nazz, Kevin finally gave in, saying, "Fine. But I'm going with Nazz. I'm not leaving her alone with you three dorks."

Kevin and Nazz boarded the sailboat, which was positioned in the rear behind the other two vessels.

"One must keep an eye on Kevin-boy, yes? Rolf shall join you!" proclaimed Rolf, as he hopped into the motorboat.

"Aw, cool, a sailing adventure! Count me and Plank in!" exclaimed Jonny enthusiastically, as he and his trusty two-by-four joined Rolf on the motorboat.

"Fine… I'll come, too," grumbled Sarah. Facing Ed, she warned him, "But if anything goes wrong, mister… _I_ ' _m telling Mom_!"

"Wait for me, Sarah!" quipped Jimmy, as he and Sarah boarded the canoe.

Before long, the kids were all ready to go, each of them donning lifejackets. Eddy took lead position with Jonny, Plank, and Rolf in the motorboat; Ed rode the canoe with Sarah and Jimmy; and Edd took up the rear in the sailboat with Kevin and Nazz.

"All right, then, that's everyone accounted for," said Edd, taking attendance.

"Hey, is this thing on?" came Eddy's voice through the radio system that Edd had installed for communication.

Jumping from his seat, he grabbed the mast of his sailboat and picked up his radio, responding, "Roger, Eddy, all communications are operational. Over."

"Right. Okay, then," responded Eddy. "I'll take us down the creek. Try to keep up. Let's set sail!"

Eddy turned on the motor on his boat, setting it to slow cruising so as not to lose the others.

"Toast!" shouted Ed from the canoe.

"Um, Ed, you're supposed to say 'Row.' Over," said Edd through the radio.

"Gravy!" shouted Ed.

"Hey, Lummox, Double-D said to say Row!" shouted Eddy.

"Who's there?" said Ed.

"Mind if I try? Over," came Jimmy's voice over the radio.

"Why, certainly, Jimmy," responded Edd. "After all, it _is_ part of the lesson. Over."

"Aye aye, Double-D! Over," responded Jimmy. He began shouting "Row!" rhythmically, and Sarah joined in, as well. Ed, however, didn't pick up the habit, as he was still laughing like a goof. Before long, the canoe picked up speed as the crew rowed their oars.

"Right, then. For now, this is Double-D, over and out," spoke Edd. He turned off his radio communicator to conserve its battery life before turning to his crewmates Nazz and Kevin.

"I'll simply readjust the sails to better allow the winds to guide our humble vessel," explained Edd, as he began to do as previously stated.

"Hey, this is fun!" exclaimed Nazz as the sailboat began to gather speed along the winds. She leaned over the side of the sailboat and spotted a word imprinted on the side.

"S.S. Intelligence?" she inquired.

"Of course, Nazz. It's the name of this sailboat," explained Edd.

"Of course it is," mused Kevin cynically. As Edd was known for his intelligence, the name seemed all too fitting, if not stereotypical.

Suddenly, Nazz recalled a rather sobering piece of news, the unnerved look on her face reflecting this.

"Hey guys, did you hear the news lately?" she asked.

"What news, Nazz?" asked Kevin, his interest now piqued, likely because it was Nazz rather than Edd providing the information.

"I heard there was some kind of strange activity going on in the ocean," explained Nazz. "Like, ships are said to vanish without a trace out there in a sort of 'danger zone,' and because of it, they closed it off to all boats and ships on the water. I was just reminded of that since we're all on boats."

"Sounds bogus, if you ask me," said Kevin.

"You know, actually, Nazz, I have heard that," agreed Edd. "It does seem to be a very intriguing phenomenon. But I'm certain that, like all things, there's a logical explanation." Ever the rationalist, Edd always held a strong disbelief over anything that couldn't be explained.

Jimmy, from the canoe, suddenly shouted, "Hey!"

"Jimmy? Is something the matter?" shouted Edd.

"WHAT?" called Jimmy, who couldn't hear him.

Hastily, Edd turned on the radio communications and said, "Is something the matter, Jimmy? Over."

"I wanted to challenge you guys to a race!" explained Jimmy.

"A race? Choice! Now we're talking!" exclaimed Kevin, feeling very competitive.

"We accept your challenge, Jimmy!" responded Edd. "And Ed, well… as you are a student in training, I hereby appoint you, Jimmy, as captain of your crew. Over."

"Hey! What about me, Double-D?!" demanded Sarah over the radio.

"Oh, um, Sarah. Well, you'll be first mate. Over," replied Edd.

"So, are we starting now or what?" asked Kevin impatiently.

"GO!" shouted Eddy. The sound of a roaring motor was heard as Eddy, Jonny, and Rolf sped off ahead of the others.

"See ya!" shouted Jonny over the radio communicator.

"Pursue them, crew!" called Jimmy dramatically from the canoe. "Row! Row! Row! Row!"

"Ahoy!" came Ed's voice. "Row faster, row faster, row faster, row faster…" Now even the canoe was beginning to disappear from view.

"Ahem, yes, and now we shall sail forth, as well," said Edd. He pulled tightly on the line, and the sail caught wind more easily, guiding their sailboat at an increasingly brisk pace. As they moved faster, Kevin stood up to embrace the rush of the wind, laughing with excitement and adrenaline as they sped up, gaining on the rowing crew of Ed, Sarah, and Jimmy ahead of them.

"WOO-HOO!" exclaimed Nazz excitedly, as she, like Kevin, enjoyed the rush as well.

The Intelligence sailboat rounded a corner in the creek, catching up with the other two vessels ahead as they arrived at the fork in the creek. As per their planned route, they were to take the right at the fork so they could circle back to the outskirts of the cul-de-sac. Eddy, however, had other ideas- he diverged and instead drove the motorboat down the left fork, escaping from visible view. This worried Edd, who pondered the yet-unforeseen risks.

"Hey! Where's Dorky going?" quipped Kevin, who had seen this for himself.

"What's stupid Eddy doing?" complained Sarah. "He just went the wrong way!"

"Oh, dear… This wasn't the plan… Kevin, take the line," said Edd worriedly. He handed the line to Kevin and switched on the communicator.

"Eddy!" exclaimed the nervous Edd through the radio. "You took a wrong turn! We were supposed to take the right fork, NOT THE LEFT! Over!"

"What? Scared that we'll beat ya, Sockhead?!" came Eddy's taunting shout over the radio.

"Eddy! You don't understand! That's an _uncharted area_! I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT LEADS! Over!"

Unfortunately, Edd's reasoning went unheard, as Eddy had switched off his radio. Edd knew he needed a backup, so he radioed the canoe, which was named the Torpedo.

"This is the Intelligence to the Torpedo! Come in, Torpedo! Over," said Edd.

"Torpedo to Intelligence, read you loud and clear, Double-D! Over!" responded Jimmy.

"Change of course! Eddy took the Fisher down the wrong fork in the creek! We have to go after them! Over," said Edd in a panic. The Fisher, of course, was the name of the motorboat.

"But-but-but that's uncharted, Double-D! Over," responded Jimmy.

"I don't like this, guys," said a worried Nazz.

"We have no choice! We can't leave our dear comrades alone to get lost! We must follow them! Over," stated Edd.

"Roger that, Double-D!" came Jimmy's voice. "Avast, ye crew! Stroke only with your left sides, and ROW! _Row like your life depended on it_!"

"MUST SAVE EDDY FROM THE MOUTH OF POSEIDON!" shouted Ed.

"Ahem… yes, well, over and out," said Jimmy. "Did I say that right, Double-D? Over and out?"

"Ahem, yes, Jimmy," responded Edd. "Over and out." Edd switched off the communications and slid back into his seat.

XXX000XXX000XXX

An hour passed. The Torpedo and the Intelligence still stuck close together, so that no one else would get lost.

Finally, they came across the Fisher, still afloat, but bobbing still in the water. Apparently, the motor had run out of fuel. The canoe and sailboat pulled up alongside the motorboat.

"Eddy, did you burn all of the fuel in the race?" asked Edd, scolding.

"You bet he did," complained Jonny, glaring at Eddy, who was sweating nervously. "Plank says Eddy doesn't know a thing about navigation."

"Rolf has had it with short-as-a-stump Ed-boy and his lack of sense of direction!" shouted Rolf angrily, before cursing in his native Old Country tongue.

"Aw, what? Come on! We won, didn't we?" said Eddy proudly, trying to mask his nervousness.

"Eddy, look around! We're lost!" exclaimed Edd.

"Yeah, you're right! You lost! You lost, and WE won!" Eddy fired back, misunderstanding him. "'Cuz Eddy is the KING, baby!"

"No, Eddy! Look around you! We're all off course! _We're lost_!" protested Edd.

The sound of thunder could be heard in the distance. It was close enough, though, to worry the kids.

"Aw, man, did you hear that?" said Kevin, growing nervous. Rounding on Eddy, he then snapped, "NOW see what you did, _Dorky_!"

"We need to dock ashore, immediately!" exclaimed Edd.

"Great plan, Double-D!" said Sarah. "Just one question: Where _is_ shore?"

At this comment, the kids looked around. They were in a large body of water now, surrounded by a thick fog, with dry land nowhere in sight.

"Sarah? I'm scared," said Jimmy, embracing Sarah for comfort. "Hold me!"

"I'm scared too, Jimmy," responded Sarah in a similar tone of voice.

"Plank's freaking out!" exclaimed Jonny.

"Snake-in the-grass Ed-boy has led us smack in the center of nowhere!" shouted Rolf.

"Aw, man, where are we?" asked Kevin.

"I really don't like this, guys," quipped the frightened Nazz. "We're, like, lost at sea."

Edd immediately switched his radio to the emergency frequency.

"This is the Intelligence, the Torpedo, and the Fisher, broadcasting on the emergency frequency!" said Edd over the radio, a tone of panic now in his voice. "We require assistance, please! Assistance, immediately! Can anyone hear me?! Over."

A voice responded on the other end of the frequency: "Loud and clear, love-muffin!"

This heightened the panicked feeling felt by the Eds, who knew that voice all too well.

"Oh, dear, oh dear…" quavered Edd. "It can't be…!"

A fourth boat emerged from the fog, not much bigger than the Eds' boats combined. Mischievous laughter could be heard. All three Eds panicked as they realized who was driving the new boat, shouting in unison:

" **KANKERS**!"

 _ **Lee Kanker**_ _is the oldest and leader of the Kanker Sisters, a trio of girls who live at the Park N Flush trailer park on the outskirts of Peach Creek. The girls are feared throughout the town due to their bullyish and highly destructive natures. She centers her obsession on Eddy due to the both of them having otherwise domineering personalities. Her hair is curly and reddish-orange, and it covers her eyes._

 _ **Marie Kanker**_ _is the middle of the Kanker Sisters. Like Edd with his group, she is the brains of her group, who tends to think before she acts, but is slightly more short-tempered than Lee and May. She may be Midwestern due to her slight accent. She centers her obsession on Edd due to their intellects. Her hair is short and blue, and covers her right eye._

 _ **May Kanker**_ _is the youngest of the Kanker Sisters. She is about as dimwitted as Ed. She has large buck teeth. Being the youngest subjects her to abuse from Lee and Marie. She has an affinity for truck tires, and she is also very accident-prone. She centers her obsession on Ed due to their dimwittedness and accident-prone tendencies. Her hair is long and blonde, and does not cover her eyes._

The Eds were stricken with fear that added to their own panic of being lost at sea.

"D-d-d-d-d-did you… HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING US ALL THIS TIME?" screamed Edd.

"Yup! We just wanna spend some quality time with our boyfriends, is that so much to ask, cutie-pie?" taunted Lee. The other kids shared a chuckle amid their panic.

"People, please, _this is serious_! We're lost at sea IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!" screamed Edd.

"Great. Just great!" shouted Marie sarcastically. "I told you this was a stupid idea, Lee!"

Lee slapped Marie in response and fired back: "Complainin' won't help no one, Marie!"

Thunder roared again, this time more loudly. A tremendous squall was moving in.

"We've gotta get out of this somehow!" shouted Nazz, as the winds were picking up.

"Right, Nazz!" exclaimed Edd. "Eddy, secure a line so we can tow you guys. Stay together, everyone, and let's set sail."

"Aw, relax, lamb-chop! We brought a GPS gizmo thingy!" said May. She took out the GPS, and gasped immediately.

"What is it, blonde buck-tooth trailer girl?" asked Rolf.

"We're in the ocean!" gasped May.

"No, we're not, May! You're readin' it wrong!" said Lee.

"No, Lee… it's correct," replied Edd, who caught the smell of salt water all around them. "We're nowhere near the mainland anymore. We're lost at sea!"

Almost immediately, it started to rain heavily, filling the boats with water. Now in a full-blown panic, Edd switched on the emergency frequency and screamed, practically begging:

"THIS IS THE INTELLIGENCE ON THE EMERGENCY FREQUENCY! _ASSISTANCE_ , _PLEASE_! _I REPEAT_ : _**ASSISTANCE**_ _,_ _ **PLEASE**_!"

"Sarah! Eep! I'm scared! The once-tempest seas have unleashed their wrath! Hold me!" cried Jimmy, holding Sarah for support and comfort.

" _Plank_ ' _s freaking out_!" shouted Jonny again.

"People, panicking is the worst thing we can do," said Edd, in a futile attempt to restore calm to the kids; he was clearly panicking on the inside.

"Cheer up!" shouted Eddy. "As captain of this voyage, I, Eddy, shall save us all and become a hero!"

Thunder boomed much more loudly and closer than ever. BOOM! This time, the lightning was visible. The winds began to howl, the rain pounded down harder, and the sky was growing darker and more ominous.

"Sarah! Save me!" cried Jimmy, still holding Sarah. She embraced him to try and comfort him as all the kids stared at the menacing skies.

"How can this be? I don't understand!" screamed Edd as he checked a monitor on his vessel. Prior to setting sail, he had rigged the Intelligence with lots of technology and equipment, among them a barometer; he was so thankful that he had done so in this situation. The machine was beeping very rapidly, in a rhythmic fashion almost matching the winds and the rain. The sail whipped violently in the harsh winds, causing the line to swing so rapidly that he had to un-rig the boat.

"This makes no sense!" he exclaimed in disbelief. "I should have detected this storm beforehand!"

Ed, pointing at something, suddenly shouted: "TROUBLE! BAD! BIG!"

Following Ed's gaze, they all saw a large wave, towering over them menacingly! The kids braced themselves, holding on to each other and their vessels as the wave crashed over them.

Afterward, Edd coughed and struggled to see what it had done. So far, the Fisher and the Intelligence were fine… but the Torpedo had capsized! Ed and Jimmy struggled to hold onto its overturned hull, but where was Sarah?

"HELP!" came the screaming voice of Sarah. The wave had swept her off the boat and caught her in the torrent, and she was close to drowning.

"SARAH!" screamed Jimmy.

" _BABY SISTER_!" screamed Ed. "ED WILL SAVE YOU! DON'T TELL MOM!"

Ed jumped into the raging waters with Jimmy in tow to try and save Sarah, only to be caught in the merciless torrent themselves. The Torpedo began to sink as well.

Nazz screamed: "GUYS! ANOTHER ONE!"

Another wave began to tower over the remaining kids and their respective vessels; the kids braced for impact.

They all saw a quick flash – only this time it wasn't lightning. Edd asked, "What was that?"

When the wave crashed, Edd was surprised that their little sailboat was still holding up in this raging squall. However, the wave had claimed the Fisher, along with Eddy, Jonny, Plank, and Rolf. The Kankers were now trying to keep their sinking vessel afloat, but instead kept arguing with each other rather than try to save themselves and their vessel.

BOOM! Lightning struck again, but this time in a most unfortunate place: It hit Edd's mast head-on! The force proved strong enough to toss Kevin out of the boat and into the unforgiving waters.

"KEVIN!" screamed Edd and Nazz in despair.

"N-NAZZ!" coughed Kevin, as the seas swallowed him, too.

Another wave hit. As it struck the boat again, another flash came. When the wave had crashed, Kevin was gone, as were the Kankers and their boat.

"Oh, not good! The lightning shorted out the electronics!" screamed Edd to Nazz, who was now the only other one there besides himself.

Just then, yet another wave came; this time, it carried a large piece of debris over the rail, which struck Nazz in the head, knocking her unconscious right there in her seat. Edd quickly released the controls and rushed over to her. Normally very nervous around her, Edd now only cared for her safety, not even caring that the boat was now without a driver. Still another wave rose, about to crash on them.

"NO! YOU UNFORGIVING WATERS SHALL NOT TAKE THE LAST OF US!" he shouted defiantly. He jumped in front of Nazz, deflecting the impact.

But just as Edd began to think they were home free, lightning struck the boat a second time, throwing Edd into the railing and knocking him out. As he began to lose consciousness, he saw one last flash…

XXX000XXX000XXX

An unknown amount of time had passed. The squall was long gone, and a sense of calm returned. Edd still lay in his boat, which was heavily damaged but still afloat. First he could hear sound, specifically the sound of gentle waves against the ship, and the calls of seagulls. Gradually, he regained his remaining senses of smell, touch, and sight, and he slowly opened his eyes. He regained his sense of taste, only to receive the nasty taste of salty ocean water, which he promptly spat out in disgust.

"Blech! Salty! Icky! Foul!" moaned Edd. "W-wait… where am I?"

Edd slowly managed to climb to his feet. The electronics on his sailboat were charred and damaged beyond repair, rendering them useless; and the sail was ripped, but it managed to survive the ruthless rage of the storm from earlier.

Looking at their seats, he discovered, much to his relief-

"Nazz!"

Nazz was still in the boat as well, alive but unconscious.

"Oh, thank goodness! Nazz, wake up… Please…" he cried as he gently shook her.

Nazz groaned and slowly opened her eyes. She saw Edd holding her in her arms and embraced him, relieved to see him alive; a feeling Edd reciprocated toward her.

"Double-D! I'm so glad you're OK!" she exclaimed. "What happened? Where are we?"

"I haven't a clue, Nazz," replied Edd. The sun was visible now, in a position revealing the time of day to be sunrise, and Edd and Nazz had been out of it all night. They were surrounded by water in all directions.

"Where's Eddy, and Kevin, and the others?" asked a worried Nazz.

"…Gone," moaned Edd. "All gone. The unforgiving wrath of the seas took our dear comrades away from us."

"…No way, Double-D," said Nazz, trying to be optimistic. "I'm sure we're all probably just separated. They're still alive."

"I find that unlikely, Nazz," stated Edd gravely.

"Don't ever lose hope, Double-D," replied Nazz. "Call it intuition, but I know they're alive."

"Even if that were to be the case, Nazz, they're still as good as gone. Look. Our communications are charred, damaged, useless," moaned Edd. Like with the Intelligence, the other vessels and their respective crews were still likely lost at sea, with their communications damaged as well.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Nazz, looking into the distance.

Following Nazz's gaze, Edd saw a town nearby, with a harbor for sure.

"Oh, happy day! Look, Nazz!" exclaimed Edd, relieved to find some sort of sanctuary in their desperate situation. "Dry land! Civilization! Sanctuary at last!"

"Can we sail over there and try to find help?" asked Nazz.

"I believe so," said Edd.

With the sail ripped, the boat moved much more slowly in the breeze, but they cruised along the winds until the boat reached the dock.

"Look, a sign! On the side of the dock there!" exclaimed Edd, pointing. "That sign should tell us where we are."

"Can you read it? I still have salt in my eyes," said Nazz, rubbing her eyes. "What's it say?"

"Oh, of course," replied Edd. "The sign reads as follows: _Welcome to Rogueport_."

 **End of Part One**


	2. 0-2: A Rogue's Welcome

**Prologue Part 2: A Rogue's Welcome**

"Rogueport?" asked Nazz. "I've never heard of this place."

"I'm personally not fond of the name, myself," explained Edd. "With the word 'rogue' in the name, the place is likely to be much less inviting than our humble cul-de-sac in Peach Creek. We'd best stick close together, Nazz, as we must be prepared for anything we may face in this town."

Indeed, Edd's perspective was that Rogueport was very intimidating, perhaps more so than Kevin or the Kanker Sisters back in Peach Creek. Just the name alone suggested a rather staggering crime rate, more than enough to make all of Eddy's scams seem like child's play.

"Nazz, will you please help me? I want to secure our vessel to the harbor so we don't lose it," said Edd.

"Oh, sure thing," replied Nazz, as she hopped back into the damaged S.S. Intelligence. Finding a rope, she tossed it to Edd. He caught the rope and tied a knot around both the boat and a nearby pole.

"I think I got it," he called. "Climb back up." He reached out his hand to Nazz, blushing nervously as she took his hand in hers. He managed to pull her back up to the harbor.

"Thanks," they both said to each other. Edd smiled nervously, blushing, as he couldn't believe that he was alone in this new place… with Nazz.

This elation was cut short, however, as Edd's knot caught his eye – the knot was starting to come undone, the boat about to drift out to sea.

"My knot!" he shouted. "Oh, dear…"

"Ahoy, landlubbers!" came a strange new voice. "Yer doin' it wrong!"

Startled, Edd and Nazz looked at the source of this voice – he appeared to resemble a small bomb, but with feet and eyes! This bomb-creature wore a striped hat and an eye patch, like a sailor.

"Oh, my! What…?" was all Edd managed to say, still in shock at what he was seeing.

"Lemme show yeh landlubbers how a sailor ties a knot!" said the bomb-creature. The strange bomb-creature went to work tying a proper sailor knot, despite not having any hands or arms, surprising both Edd and Nazz.

"What- what _is_ that, Double-D?" asked Nazz.

"I… I honestly haven't a clue, Nazz," replied Edd incredulously.

His mind was racing. A whole new species, new data to document, new things to discover… With all this on his mind, he briefly forgot about being stranded.

"Now THAT there's a mighty fine knot!" exclaimed the bomb-creature.

"Uh… th-thanks," said Nazz. This was all she could manage to say, as she herself was still in shock as well.

"Yer welcome," said the bomb-creature. "And hey, kids, toughen up! This place is more dangerous than yeh believe. I'm one of the more docile residents of this town."

The bomb-creature walked away, leaving Edd and Nazz to admire his handiwork in knot-tying.

"For a creature with no hands, he certainly knows how to tie a very firm knot," said Edd.

"I agree," replied Nazz. "But whatever that thing was, he's right. We have to find help."

As the two walked cautiously up the wharf, they were greeted by a truly amazing sight. There were even more of those bomb-creatures walking around, only these were smaller and blue. The kids also saw some new creatures among them. These new creatures looked like mushrooms, but with feet and faces.

"Seriously, dude, like what is this place?" asked Nazz again.

Edd responded, "There's definitely more to this Rogueport place than meets the eye."

The two continued their way through the wharf, up to the mainland, when a voice shouted:

"Hey! What are you doing?!"

The kids turned in the direction of the voice and found even more strange creatures. The first batch looked like men completely decked out in overcoats and glasses, bearing huge X's on their uniforms. The other looked like a pinkish-tan mushroom with yellow hair and a miner's helmet, complete with a flashlight.

"Get away from me!" demanded the mushroom-creature. Her voice, to Edd, almost sounded like Nazz's voice.

"Oh, come off it, ya airhead! I know this is hard for ya, but _don_ ' _t_ play dumb!" bellowed the voice of the tallest of the creatures. "I've seen ya walking around town askin' for information about the Crystal Stars! Well, now _I_ ' _m_ doin' the askin', so be a good girl and tell us what-cha know! Right! NOW!"

"Never!" snapped the mushroom-girl. "I've got _nothing_ to say to you creeps! Eww!"

"Oh, my…" said Edd softly, a tinge of fear in his voice.

"I suppose it wouldn't be right if a sassy li'l lass like you met wit' an untimely demise," said the tall X-creature. "Buh! Buh! Buh-huh-huh!" he continued to laugh. "Boys! We're takin' dis firebrand to our fortress!"

"As you command, Lord Crump!" replied one of the smaller X-creatures.

 _ **Lord Crump**_ _is the de facto commander of the sinister army known as the X-Nauts. He is cunning, but is also quite incompetent and bumbling at times, earning Grodus's disapproval. He is particularly proud of his "Magnus Von Grapple" robot, believing it to be indestructible._

The tall creature known as Lord Crump advanced on the mushroom-girl.

"No!" she said, now with a tinge of fear in her voice. "Stop right there, you weirdos! I'll scream! Really!"

"Hey!" snapped Nazz, who had had enough. "Lay off her, you jerks!"

This caught the attention of the X-creatures and the mushroom-girl. Edd whimpered and stepped back.

"Nazz, what are you doing?" he pleaded fearfully. "We shouldn't get involved!"

Seizing the opportunity, the mushroom-girl dashed behind Edd and Nazz.

"Like I'd go _anywhere_ with smelly lunatics like _you_!" the mushroom-girl shouted to Crump. "Hmph! Not likely!"

Directing his attention to the newcomers, Lord Crump demanded, "Whaddya think YOU'RE doin', chumps? Who're the two of ya to interfere wit' da mighty Lord Crump?"

"So it's 'Lord Crump,' is it?" demanded Nazz.

"Now how'd ya figure dat one out, Blonderbuss?" retorted Crump.

"Knock it off, Mr. Macho Man," Nazz fired back.

"Y'know what, we're wastin' time here," said Crump. "Boys! Give 'em a taste o' the ol' Crump-a-bomb!"

"Yes, sir, Lord Crump!" came the voices of several of Crump's minions. They advanced on Nazz and the mushroom-girl, pinning both down almost easily, though Nazz still managed to put up a fight. Satisfied with the rather simple outcome, Lord Crump then turned his attention to Edd, who was shaking in fear.

"Hey, kid!" boomed Crump. "You wanna taste o' this, too?!"

"No! Please!" screamed Edd, flinching and nearly crying. "Refrain! Desist! Have mercy!"

Just then, another new voice sounded out of nowhere, with a resounding "Ya-hoo!"

The X-creatures and Edd turned their gaze to the source of this shout. They saw a human this time, this one wearing a red shirt and blue overalls, as well as a red cap with the letter M on it and sporting a thick mustache. He whipped out a hammer and swung it at Crump, knocking him backward and off his feet. The minions holding Nazz and the mushroom-girl rushed to their commander's side, allowing the two females to stand upright once more.

"Man, did you see that, Double-D?!" asked Nazz in awe of the mustachioed man's hammer as she and the mushroom-girl approached Edd. Edd, however, could only babble unintelligibly, a result of feeling both awe and fear at the same time.

"Ow…" groaned Crump, getting up.

He whistled loudly, attracting a whole horde of X-creatures to the wharf.

"Ok, _now_ … IT'S GO TIME!" he ordered. "PUNISH 'EM!"

The X-creatures attacked en masse, kicking up dirt and dust that blocked their views. Amidst the melee and confusion, the mushroom-girl managed to slip away first.

"Hey guys, over here!" she called.

The mustachioed human slipped away from the confusion next, followed a second later by Nazz and the mortified Edd, with the former pulling the latter by his hand.

"Phew! What a bunch of loons! Come on, guys, let's get the heck outta here," said the mushroom-girl.

The mushroom-girl led Edd, Nazz, and the mustachioed man up the stairs away from the wharf into the main town square.

"Hey, stop!" shouted Lord Crump, who had realized his men were beating up themselves. Looking in the crowd, he realized that Edd and the others were gone.

"Huh-wha?! Where'd they go?!" he shouted. "You! Johnson! Didja see 'em? Did anyone?"

His minions were puzzled, having realized the situation for themselves.

"Crud!" groaned Crump. "They bolted!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd, Nazz, the hammer-wielding mustachioed man, and the mushroom-girl had barely escaped from Crump and his lackeys at the wharf, finally arriving in the main square of Rogueport.

"Man, that was close," mused the mushroom-girl.

"So, you mind, like, telling me what's going on here?" asked Nazz.

"What do you mean?" asked the mushroom-girl.

"May I?" piped up Edd. "You see, the two of us, we're lost. We were sailing on the creek with our friends, but we took a wrong turn and found ourselves in the ocean. A freak storm came out of nowhere, its force brutal and its wrath unforgiving! The storm swallowed our friends, and left us unconscious and shipwrecked. When we finally came to, we wound up here, in this unfamiliar location, separated from our dear friends!"

"Well, I gotta tell ya, you guys found a bad place to get shipwrecked. This town isn't safe, man," said the mushroom-girl. She then jumped and added, "I just realized- we haven't yet formally introduced ourselves. I'm Goombella! I'm a junior-year student at the University of Goom. Nice to meet ya!"

 _ **Goombella**_ _is a young Goomba and a junior-year student at the University of Goom, majoring in archaeology and history. She is an academic, like Edd. She can be pretty sassy as well. She provides the information our heroes need to navigate this new, strange world. She can inform the heroes of enemies' strengths and weaknesses, and she has a pretty decent headbonk attack._

Hearing this, Edd's mood suddenly brightened at the prospect of meeting a like-minded individual.

"Ah, a fellow scholar! It's very kind to make the acquaintance of a fellow brilliant mind," exclaimed Edd. He reached out his hand for a shake, but then remembered that Goombella didn't have visible hands or arms, and retracted his arm, feeling awkward.

"My name's Eddward Bentley. Edd with two D's, but you can call me Double-D. And this is Nazz Van… uh, Nazz Van Barton," said Edd, introducing both himself and Nazz, to be polite but without mentioning Nazz's rather odd full surname.

"Hi, I'm Nazz. Van Barton _schmeer_ ," specified Nazz, smiling. "Double-D's just too polite to use my full name. It's nice to meet you, Goombella."

"Nice to meet you both," responded Goombella. Then, turning to the mustachioed hammer-wielder, she asked, "And you are?"

The mustachioed man replied, with a rather high-pitched voice and a strong but cheesy Italian accent:

"It's-a me! A-Mario!"

 _ **Super Mario.**_ _Okay, come on. This guy doesn't need an explanation. He's Super Mario, for crying out loud! The Jumpman! The multitalented hero (alongside his brother Luigi) of the Mushroom Kingdom!_

"Mario? Wait, you mean like that famous guy? THE Mario? _The famous Super Mario from the Mushroom Kingdom_? Wow!" exclaimed Goombella. "I can't believe I've met you here!"

"My apologies, Mr, uh… Mario, but Nazz and I aren't familiar with you," said Edd.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Goombella incredulously. "Never heard of the famous _Super Mario_? Sheesh, where are you two from?"

"We're from Peach Creek," replied Nazz, "in a small cul-de-sac part of the town."

"Peach Creek?" asked Mario. "As in-a Peach Creek, Earth? I've-a heard of-a the place when I used-a to live in-a Brooklyn, New York."

"Yes…" said Edd, unsure of what Mario meant by "Earth."

"You're-a in a new world," explained Mario. "I'm-a unsure how, but you must-a have fallen into some-a sort of-a portal."

"A portal?" chimed in Nazz. "No way!"

"Of course! That would explain the new species," stated Edd. "I'm starting to figure this out! We got lost in our sailing venture when Eddy led us to the ocean. Nazz! We probably entered that place you were talking about back at the creek – the 'danger zone!' Our ill-fated sailboat entered an interdimensional portal or something similar to that extent, and now here we are, stranded, marooned! Oh, dear, I feel like that's something Ed would say."

"You might be right, Double-D!" replied Nazz. "Maybe our friends wound up in this world too?"

"It's possible," stated Goombella. "Granted, they could have been sent anywhere in this place. Or fallen into oblivion." This last comment led Mario to elbow her slightly, as she had said the wrong thing.

"Weren't there two other ships that got sent here too?" inquired Edd. "Didn't they end up here as well?"

"So many questions, I'm afraid, I don't have answers for. Though my professor might," mused Goombella. Then, turning to Mario, she added, "Oh yeah, no offense, Mario, but you look like you just rolled into town yourself, like Nazz and Eddward here. Right?"

"Is-a correct," replied Mario. Edd and Nazz exchanged a pensive glance.

"Me, I already _hate_ it here!" groaned Goombella. "There are freaks and weirdos _everywhere_! It's just so nasty! I mean, I know the place is called _Rogueport_ , so I should have expected it, but _sheesh_! You three are the first decent people I've met here. Probably the only ones, too, so far. Besides that, I never would have come to this town if I hadn't heard there was some legendary treasure here."

"Oh yeah! That-a reminds me!" piped up Mario. "I got a map from Princess-a Peach that she mailed-a to me! I came here to-a meet her, but I have-a not seen-a her yet. I was-a hoping we could find-a the treasure together."

"What? You're looking for the legendary treasure, too? Seriously?" inquired Goombella.

"Treasure?" inquired Edd.

"Whoa, cool!" mused Nazz.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA, bucko! You have a map? Let me see that!" said Goombella.

Mario held up the map for Edd, Nazz, and Goombella to see.

"Intriguing!" mused Edd.

"So there might be treasure hidden somewhere in this town?" asked Nazz.

"Great hoogly-boogly! If it isn't Master Mario!" came a new voice, this one with an uptight British accent.

Another mushroom person approached the foursome, this one old, sporting arms as well as legs, dressed in fancy teatime attire, carrying a cane and wearing spectacles.

"Toadsworth! Nice-a to see you!" exclaimed Mario.

 _ **Toadsworth**_ _, aged 60 years old, is Princess Peach's attendant. He has an aristocratic British accent, and often uses old-fashioned English sayings. He is very neurotic, almost enough to rival Edd, and he is always in constant worry over the welfare of Peach, which sometimes causes him to pass out from severe shroomshock. He is a de facto "father figure" to Peach, having helped raise her since she was a baby._

"I say, bit of a coincidence, bumping into one another in this sort of place, hmm? Ho ho!" proclaimed Toadsworth. "So tell me, Master Mario, what in the world brings you to this wretched little burg? And who are these peculiar young fellows?" he added, turning to face Edd and Nazz.

"Oh, my," said Edd, somewhat intimidated. "My name's Eddward, and-and this is Nazz. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Toadsworth." He extended his hand to Toadsworth for a handshake, to which the mushroom attendant obliged.

"It's a pleasure to meet you two, as well, Master Eddward and Lady Nazz," replied Toadsworth. "So Master Mario, what brings you to this wretched dive of a town?"

"I received mail from Princess-a Peach telling me to-a meet-a her here. She sent this-a map with it," explained Mario.

"Is that so?" asked Toadsworth. "Most intriguing…"

Edd gave Toadsworth a look, as if the old man had just filched the sock-headed boy's trademark sentiment.

"Have-a you seen her?" asked Mario.

"Well, um… I was about to ask you that, Master Mario," replied Toadsworth, a tinge of worry in his voice. "We stopped in this den of illicit miscreance to acquire a spot of fuel for our ship, don't you know. I only took my eyes off her for one measly tick, but the moment I did, she vanished."

Mario, Edd, Nazz, and Goombella jumped in shock.

"Oh, you of all people know how headstrong she is, Master Mario… I merely assumed she'd return momentarily," lamented Toadsworth. "But at this point, I fear we must embrace the possibility that she may never return… I've been at a loss as to what to do. I've been fraught with worry, I tell you! But with you here, Master Mario, I feel a spot better. Surely we'll find her! However, I know my place, Master Mario, and this is not my place. I therefore leave this task to you. Perhaps I'll recline at the inn over yonder and enjoy a spot of tea. I highly recommend it if you ever find your energy running low. Just drop on 'inn!' Ho ho!"

Edd and Nazz shared another glance, unimpressed by Toadsworth's attempt at wordplay.

"Yes, well, I say, the rest of this town is a bit… rough," mused Toadsworth. "Yes, rough, indeed…"

The old mushroom man proceeded to hobble on over to the inn to rest.

"He does seem rather eccentric," whispered Edd to Mario.

"See ya, Mr. Mushroom Man," called Nazz, though Toadsworth didn't hear her.

"Oh, that's right, you and Double-D are new to this world," stated Goombella. "Mr. Toadsworth is of a species known as the Toads. Humanoids who look like mushrooms. I'm a Goomba, one of the more common folk alongside the Toads in this world, and the bomb-like guys down by the wharf are called Bob-ombs."

"Enterprising," stated Edd.

"And what about those jerks with the X-uniforms?" asked Nazz. "What are they?"

"That I don't know… yet. I'm sorry, Nazz," said Goombella. "Like I said, though, my professor may be able to explain it. Let's go check with him."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Goombella led Mario, Edd, and Nazz to a nearby house in the eastern part of town.

"This is where my professor resides," she explained. "We should manage to get some answers here."

She opened the door, and the foursome stepped inside. The house was wall-to-wall with books and encyclopedias.

"Rapture…" Edd gasped, enthralled. It was as though he had entered a library. "Books upon shelves upon walls of literature!"

"A fine collection, is it not?" asked a Goomba at the desk. This Goomba was male, with golden-brown skin, and much older with strange-looking glasses.

"Oh!" exclaimed Goombella. "There you are, Professor Frankly!"

 _ **Professor Frankly**_ _is a professor of archaeology and literature at the University of Goom. In fact, Goombella was one of his students in a previous semester. One notable alumnus of Frankly's is Professor Kolorado. A defining feature of Frankly is that his glasses are rather thick and swirly. He came to Rogueport to research the legendary treasure said to be buried beneath the town._

"Whuzzuh?" replied Professor Frankly.

"This is your professor?" Nazz asked Goombella.

"Oh, I remember you!" exclaimed Frankly, facing Goombella. "I've seen you before… Yes… Wait, don't tell me! I'll get it right! Let's see… you're not Goombriel… No, not Elizagoom… Hrmmm… HRMMMM…"

"This is going to take a while," mused Edd softly.

"…AHA! I've got it!" exclaimed Frankly. "You're Goombella! You took my archaeology course last year, am I right?"

"That's right! I'm Goombella, a junior at U Goom! Goooo GOOMBAS!" Goombella exclaimed proudly.

"I like her school spirit," stated Edd to Nazz.

"And boy, do we have some questions for you!" said Goombella to her one-time professor.

"Do you, now?" inquired Frankly.

"Yeah, like, first off, can you help these two?" asked Goombella, indicating Edd and Nazz.

"Ah, humans," mused Frankly, sizing up the two Peach Creek residents in his home. "You don't see a lot of humans around here. Although, as of late, I have seen quite a fair number of humans."

"Like who? And how many? Did you happen to catch their names?" asked Nazz, hoping that Frankly had any inkling of where their fellow friends from the cul-de-sac could be now.

"Well, no, I didn't obtain any names, but they looked rather grown-up," mused Frankly. "Well… some of them did, anyway."

"Those must be the lost sailors we've heard about on the news," said Edd to Nazz.

"Pardon?" asked Frankly.

"Oh, do pardon me, Professor Frankly. My name's Eddward 'Double-D,' and this is Nazz," explained Edd. "We're from a small cul-de-sac in another world, but amid an ill-fated sailing venture, we veered off course and somehow got sent to this world, separated from our friends. It's plausible that our friends could be somewhere around here, but we haven't a clue where to begin searching."

"Quite an interesting recollection there," mused Frankly. "May I ask how you arrived here?"

"Like, we're still not entirely sure," said Nazz. "Last thing we remember was getting caught up in a humongous storm at sea in our world, and then a few bright flashes … and when it passed, we woke up just off the coast."

"Mm-hmm…" mused Frankly, curious. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you kids, but I'm not sure what I can do about that at the moment."

"Yes… thanks for your help," mused Edd, clearly disappointed.

"My sincerest apologies. And… this guy here…" said Frankly, indicating Mario, "is…"

Mario struck a pose, assuming Frankly already knew who he was.

"…who?" asked Frankly, causing Mario to facepalm humorously.

"Mario!" stated Goombella, surprised that Frankly didn't know Mario. "Professor, he's Mario! Y'know, the famous guy!"

"Oh!" exclaimed Frankly. "Mario! Of course! My apologies. I'm such a bookworm, I haven't a clue about what's 'hip' right now."

"I can relate," mumbled Edd, as Frankly's comment brought back memories of the Eds' "Whiz-Whaz Fad Freak Suit" craze that only caught on throughout the cul-de-sac after the Eds themselves stopped advertising it.

"But enough about that for now," continued Frankly. "What sort of errand brings you four all the way to a place like this?"

"We were hoping you'd tell us about the legendary treasure said to be below Rogueport," said Goombella. "I thought that if anyone knew anything about it, you would, Professor Frankly…"

"Well, of course I know about it," replied Frankly. "In fact, I came to Rogueport to study that very subject. But what drives you tykes to want to learn about the legendary treasure? No doubt you're aware that most people have written off the treasure as little more than a fairy tale, are you not?"

"Ah, but even archaeologists and historians must search for truth in those fairy tales," stated Edd.

"Elementary, Double-D!" replied Goombella. "Personally, I believe that the legendary treasure really does exist! And I REALLY wanna find it!"

"Excellent points indeed, Goombella and young Eddward," mused Frankly. "In that case, I'll cooperate with you any way I can. First of all, there are indeed many mysteries and puzzles surrounding this treasure. Some say it's a magical item of ancient days, while others say it's an infinitely vast hoard of riches."

"That sounds like something Eddy would be excited about," said Nazz.

"If Eddy heard about this, he'd probably think the treasure was a hoard of ancient jawbreakers," laughed Edd.

"Ahem, please allow me to continue, young ones," interrupted Frankly. "As I was saying, still others believe the treasure is actually an ancient monster, while yet more people believe it to just be an empty chest. Many theories surround this treasure, but obviously, it's impossible to divine the truth among them. However, all theories have one common agreeable point: for the treasure to be found, one must have the Crystal Stars!"

"Crystal Stars?!" gasped Edd and Nazz, as they recalled how Lord Crump and his goons had accosted Goombella at the wharf for that very reason.

"Oh yeah! 'To find the treasure of yore, take the seven Crystal Stars to the Thousand-Year Door!'" recalled Goombella. "The Crystal Stars in that old saying passed down from the previous generations?"

"Indeed, the same," confirmed Frankly. "As it's said, if you want to find the legendary treasure, you first must collect the seven Crystal Stars."

"'Hold the Magical Map aloft before the entrance to the Thousand-Year Door. Then the stars will light the way that leads to the stones of yesterday.' Yeah…" continued Goombella. "A lot of the lore that I've read on the subject says that if the Magical Map is brought to the door, then the map will show you where to find the Crystal Stars!"

"Correct, indeed!" exclaimed Frankly. "And the Thousand-Year Door is supposedly here, deep beneath this very town. Yet the critical piece of this puzzle- the Magical Map- is missing. If only we had that map, then…"

"Wait!" exclaimed Mario. He pulled out the treasure map that Princess Peach had mailed to him. "Perhaps this is-a the Magical Map right-a here?"

Edd pulled out his magnifying glass to examine the map. Mario, seeing this, handed the map to Edd.

"Why, Professor Frankly, this could be it! The missing piece of the puzzle!" the sock-headed boy explained.

"Huh-WHAAAAA?" exclaimed Frankly in shock and surprise. "Hummina-hubbity-hubbida-hippity-hoobida-hammala-huffala-hoofala… REALLY?!"

Edd handed the map to Frankly, saying "Yes, indeed, Professor Frankly! Mr. Mario received this map from his Princess Peach through the mail!"

"Astounding!" exclaimed Frankly, examining the map. "Hmm, hrm… yes, this is it! The real thing! The only and only Magical Map! You, son, are my HERO! You're great! Fantastic! Wonderful, even! Why, with this… All we need is to hold this aloft before the Door to find the Crystal Stars!"

"Right on, Professor!" exclaimed Goombella.

"Well, good golly, Miss Molly, what are we doing wasting time standing around here?" spouted Frankly. "Goombella! Mario! Eddward! Nazz! Off we must go, this instant! Let's take the Magical Map to the door of the legends!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Frankly led the foursome to a fenced-off quadrant outside his house. He ripped off part of the fence, revealing a pipe leading underground.

"This way!" exclaimed Frankly. He and Mario approached the pipe readily, but Edd and Nazz hung back. Sensing this, Goombella asked them, "Double-D? Nazz? What's up?"

"I suppose this is where we part ways," said Edd. Mario and Frankly looked in their direction, wondering what the hold-up was.

"You're leaving?" she asked. "Why?"

"My sincerest apologies, Goombella, but Nazz and I, we must search for our friends," replied Edd. "We don't have the time to go treasure hunting."

"You guys, come on, be real," stated Goombella. "If you leave now, you two will be all alone in a dangerous and shady community with nothing but a damaged sailboat in the harbor."

"And-a besides," added Mario, who walked over to Edd and Nazz, "call it a hunch, but I believe that-a during our investigation, there's a real good-a chance that your friends are indeed in this-a world. But the only way we can know for sure is if we all work-a together. So… are-a you in?"

Edd and Nazz looked at each other, both reluctant to accompany them.

"Thanks, again, Mario," said Edd again. "But it wouldn't be sound for the two of us to impose this on you during your own mission."

"I'll go with them, Double-D," responded Nazz. "They might need our help anyway. And besides, Mario might be right. Maybe Eddy and Ed and the others could be in this world somewhere, too."

With Nazz willing to help their new acquaintances, Edd realized he didn't want to be all alone in a shady place like Rogueport.

"Oh… very well, then," he mused. "Count me in, too."

"Excellent!" exclaimed Frankly. "Now that's that, let's find that door!"

Frankly eagerly jumped into the pipe, followed by Mario. Edd and Nazz grimaced – that pipe obviously led to a sewer network, which they expected to be filthy and unsanitary like any sewer.

"You really want us to go down that… sewage pipe?" groaned Nazz.

"Bleeugh! That's unsanitary!" Edd complained, ever meticulous about sanitation. "Do you know how much bacteria and disease grows in a sewer?!" Memories of Eddy's "Swamp Ride" scam and the night the cul-de-sac was hit with a blackout came back to haunt him.

"Aw, come on, Double-D, where's your sense of adventure?" asked Goombella as she followed Mario and Frankly by jumping into the pipe.

"Well, um… ladies first," said Edd. Nazz sighed, then jumped into the pipe.

With the others waiting for him underground, Edd reluctantly climbed atop the pipe.

"Ohhh… filthy, filthy, filthy…" he moaned.

He took a deep breath, then jumped down into the pipe…

 **End of Part Two**


	3. 0-3: The Millennium Door

**Prologue Part 3: The Millennium Door**

There was darkness as Edd slid down the pipe. The rough and abrasive feel of rusted metal was ever prevalent against his person; however he couldn't see anything but darkness. The only sound he heard was his own screaming as he continued his pipe slide. Eventually, he saw light, as he was nearing the other end of the pipe. Next thing he knew, he had exited the pipe and plopped onto solid ground, joining Nazz, Mario, Goombella, and Professor Frankly.

"You OK, dude?" asked Nazz. She reached out her hand and helped Edd to his feet, and she helped him brush himself off.

"All things considered, yes," replied Edd. "Thank you, Nazz. Now, um… where are we?"

Edd and the others looked around. He was surprised to see that, for a sewer, it didn't resemble a typical run-of-the-mill sewer network. In fact, this particular sewer was filled with ancient buildings. Their surroundings more closely resembled the ruins of an ancient city rather than a typical sewer, with ancient architecture of stone and marble rather than rusted metal walls lined all around by networks of thinner pipes. In fact, off in the distance, Edd could make out the distinct shapes of houses, lights shining through their windows. Additionally, the stench of foul waste was largely noticeably absent, replaced with the smell of ancient history.

"Intriguing… This so-called sewer isn't at all what I expected it to be," Edd mused.

"Reminds me of the night the power went out in the cul-de-sac," added Nazz, "but without the stench of sewer waste or Ed's comic-book delusions."

"Ah, yes," piped up Professor Frankly. "Forgive me, Eddward. Seems I neglected to inform you and young Nazz of the legend associated with this underground zone. It's a fairly long tale, so bear with me. Ahem…"

"Approximately one thousand years ago, there was once a large, bustling, thriving town. It was a town whose residents lived relatively happy lives. It was said that this town was very prosperous. One day, however, all that changed… when a terrible tragedy had befallen this once-happy place. The town and its people were struck with a great cataclysm. The skies grew dark, and the earth roared and shook. Thunder roared, and lightning crashed. The surrounding ocean had turned violent and ruthless."

"It was as if the world itself had come to a violent end. In the course of but a single night, the town sank into the depths of the earth. It had been approximately a millennium since then. Legends and stories of this town had since passed into the pages of fairy tales. As there was nothing left of this ancient town, people gathered from far and wide at its former site and built a new town. That town, as you know, is now called Rogueport."

"Word soon spread, however, among the new people who moved to this new town; that an ancient city lay deep underground, believed to be the resting place of a legendary treasure," concluded Frankly.

Edd, Nazz, and Mario stood there in silence and awe. Goombella, however, had already studied the lore of Rogueport, so she didn't completely share their reaction.

"So then…" began Nazz, hardly daring to believe this.

"Indeed," chimed in Frankly. "These sewers may well be the millennium-old remains of that town of legend."

"Mamma-mia," said Mario, enraptured. This was followed by Edd's awed comment: "Rapture."

"All right, then," Goombella said. "According to the map, the site of the Thousand-Year Door should be down further a ways."

"Right-a then," piped up Mario. "There will most-a likely be other pipes we need-a to take."

The group proceeded ahead, stepping down a set of stairs almost directly in front of them, and came to another identical set of stairs. Before they could reach the other set of stairs, however, a voice called out to them:

"Hey! Hey man, wassup? Who's da hottie ya got there wit'chya?"

The group looked up, and saw three Goombas leering at them – one regular Goomba, another one using wings to flutter in the air, and the third wearing a helmet with a single spike on its head.

"Wassup, baby?" the winged Goomba cat-called, looking at Goombella. "Why don'tcha ditch that old Goomba and them humans and come hang wit' us fer awhile? We play _real_ nice!"

"Man, what's a FINE-lookin' Goomba like you doin' wit that old Goomba and that fat mustache man?" added the spiked-helmet Goomba. "And them other two human tykes?"

"You know these three?" whispered Nazz to Goombella.

"Never in my life," replied Goombella quietly.

"Yeah, dat human chick ain't too bad neither!" the plain Goomba cat-called, ogling Nazz. "Hey, human babe! How bout we head back to my place and have ourselves a li'l inter-species love-fest?"

Goombella laughed, "Oh, it is, like, SO sweet that you boys think we're cute! Seriously! Yeah, guys like you make us feel like… TOTALLY BARFING!"

"Yeah!" snapped Nazz angrily. "You sleaze-bags need to learn some respect for women! Get lost!"

"Yowch! That was COLD, babe!" said the winged Goomba. "What? Y'all too good fer us? Come off it, babes!"

"Don't _nobody_ zing US like dat!" shouted the spiked-helmet Goomba. "C'mon, boys! Let's get 'em!"

"Oh, dear, more threats?" quavered Edd. "Goombella, you seem to be quite danger-prone."

On the spur of the moment, Mario brandished his hammer and swung at the regular Goomba, pounding him into the ground. Seeing this, the remaining Goombas readied themselves to attack.

"These two are different from the others. Perhaps different species?" quipped Edd.

"There are Goomba species like these around the campus at U Goom," explained Goombella. "These specific three must just be sewer rats. The Spike Goomba is the one with the spiked helmet. You can't jump on it – it'll hurt something fierce if you do, so you'll need to use a weapon, such as a hammer, to attack it. The one with wings is called a Paragoomba. Since it flutters in the air, you need to jump on it to ground it."

"Got it," replied Nazz, readying herself.

Goombella approached the Paragoomba and jumped into the air, grounding him with a successfully timed head-bonk. This only left the Spike Goomba.

"Hey, you two mind giving us a hand?" asked Goombella, turning to Edd and Nazz.

Edd shyly stepped back. He knew that he, being a pacifist, wasn't strong enough to put up a real fight with his own fists. He briefly remembered the time he and Jimmy had staged a brawl after school to help Edd shake off an accidental yet undeserved reputation as the school's tough guy.

"How 'bout a Hertz doughnut?" Nazz shouted, as she ran toward the Spike Goomba and decked him square in the face, knocking him down.

"Oh, my. Where did you learn that, Nazz?" asked Edd, both amazed and frightened by her prowess in physical combat.

"A babysitter's gotta know this stuff, Double-D," chuckled Nazz.

"Well, now that they're out of the way, shall we continue?" asked Frankly. "Just be on the alert at all times – there are likely plenty more where they came from, and they'll have it in for us."

"But it'd be irresponsible of us to just leave these three here," stated Edd, ever concerned for the safety of others.

"Don't-a worry, Double-D, they'll-a be fine," replied Mario, waving his hand dismissively.

"Man, this guy Mario has a really cheesy accent," whispered Nazz to Edd.

The group rounded the bend, coming across a floating platform coursing back and forth. Across this gap was another pipe. As the platform came to a stop directly in front of them, Mario and Goombella hopped onto it with relative ease, followed immediately by Frankly and Nazz. Edd had reservations about the platform's sturdiness and stability; but, not wanting to be separated from the group, he worked up the courage to reach himself across the gap, nearly sliding off the ledge were it not for Nazz holding his hand and pulling him onto the platform.

After crossing the gap, the group entered another pipe, with Edd once again working up the nerve to do so. Mario led the group through this new pathway they had entered, dispatching more sewer-rat Goombas in the process. Before long, Mario came to a sudden stop, causing the five to collide with one another.

"Dude, why'd you stop?" demanded Nazz.

"Look at-a this wall," replied Mario, indicating the wall in front of which he had stopped. Indeed, it stood out from the rest of the architecture, as this "wall" was bright yellow, with a set of plain-looking carvings made to resemble eyes. "It's a false wall."

"A false wall? Bohemian! Perhaps it was designed to hide a secret," gasped Edd. He then whispered to himself, "…like Eddy's brother's room."

"Stand-a back," ordered Mario.

The others stepped back as Mario readied his hammer, before slamming it down on the false wall, shattering it. Indeed, Edd's hunch proved correct – the destruction of the false wall revealed yet another pipe. Edd began to sense a pattern with these pipes, but at the third time, he reluctantly decided to run with it. He and the others shared a glance and a slight nod before jumping into this new pipe.

At the end of this pipe, the group now found themselves in a larger chamber, with a set of stairs nearby, reaching farther up. As they made their way up these stairs, Mario suddenly tripped – but this time, the others didn't collide with each other as a result.

Looking down at the floor, Mario saw what he had stumbled over – a mysterious black key.

"What's-a this?" he asked, picking up the key. Edd immediately whipped out his magnifying glass to examine the key further.

"What a discovery!" he exclaimed. "Ancient artifacts, lost civilizations, the remnants of an ancient city – I mean, this is an absolute coup!"

"You appear to have a knack for archaeology, young Eddward," remarked Frankly, intrigued. "You would make a mighty fine scholar at the University of Goom."

"Why, thank you, Professor Frankly," replied Edd with a mixture of praise and remorse, "but alas, as I am not a Goomba, I am prohibited from enrolling in your prestigious sanctum of higher education."

The group continued up the stairs and arrived in a small room, with nothing but a black treasure chest inside.

"Look! A weird treasure chest!" exclaimed Nazz.

"My, my!" mused Frankly. "We're not at the Thousand-Year Door yet, and we've already found treasure."

"Let's open it!" exclaimed Goombella. She approached the chest, key in mouth, to open it – when it suddenly shook. Everyone gasped in shock, with Goombella dropping the key.

"Hello? Who's out there?" came a voice from inside the box.

"Wha- there's someone in there?!" shouted Edd. "And he's still alive?! H-h-how can this be?!"

"Wait- you can hear me?" came the voice again. "If that's the case… then you must be the hero of legend!"

"Pardon?" asked Edd, confused amid his surprise.

"Only the great hero of legend can hear my voice. Everyone else? …Nothing," said the voice.

Unsure of how to proceed with this, Edd asked, "What's the meaning of this?"

"Well, see," began the voice, "a long time ago, an evil spirit cast a curse on me, locking me in this box. I was bummed, depressed. I've just been in here ever since then, waiting a long, LONG time for the hero to arrive. So… yeah. Anyway, young-sounding guy… What brings a hero like you to a place like this?"

"Er, everybody…" began Frankly, pensively. "I'm not entirely confident that we should trust this… box. Perhaps it be best not to mention that we're searching for the Crystal Stars." Then, realizing what he had just said, he uttered, "Oh, drat…"

"You just said that out loud?!" scolded Edd. "Have you no decency, man?"

"You're searching for the Crystal Stars?" asked the voice. "So you really ARE a hero. Well, if you want those bad boys, you're DEFINITELY going to need my help. There should be a key somewhere that matches the lock on this box. If you find it, use that to let me out of this dump. The key should be as black as this chest… at least, like inside this chest."

Almost immediately, Mario brandished the key. "We-a have-a the key right-a here," he said.

"Don't worry, we'll get you out of there," Edd agreed.

"Whoa, whoa! You have the key? Awesome! I owe you big time!" came the voice.

Mario inserted the key into the lock of the chest and turned it counterclockwise, and with a click, the chest opened.

"Yes! Ha ha!" laughed the voice. "Thank… Ha! Thank NOTHING! Whee hee! FOOOOOOLS! "

Edd, Nazz, Goombella, Frankly, and Mario shook in fear and horror at the malicious tone the voice now took. The chest opened by itself… and everything went dark!

"What's happening?!" screamed Nazz.

A demonic face materialized in the darkness, before the frightened group, laughing at their circumstances.

"Oh, BOY, did you fall for it!" laughed the demon. "I totally BURNED you! What, you suckers actually thought I was going to HELP you? NO! Instead, I figure I'll spread to you a little of the suffering I've had to endure in that wretched box!"

"Oh, dear!" screamed Edd. "This could be worse than Eddy's disastrous scams!"

"Yeah, well, those are the breaks, patsy!" barked the demon. "I'm going to cast an evil, TERRIBLE curse upon all of you! Buggly-wuggly-WOOOOOO! And just like that, you've been cursed!"

Four blinding flashes struck the group, and they soon felt a surge of energy coursing through their bodies.

"What was that?!" shouted Edd. "What have you done to us?!"

"I've just cursed you! Were you not listening?" shouted the demon. "Enjoy your well-deserved curse, suckers! The sweet, sweet curse I've just dropped on you goes like this: Now, whenever you step on a floor panel marked by an airplane design, you'll transform into a PAPER AIRPLANE!"

"Paper airplane?!" screamed Nazz.

"The worst part of this curse is you have to control your flight while in this form!" chortled the demon. "Perhaps with practice, you could fly a long way… but that's the ONLY good thing. Whee hee hee hee hee! Once you land, you might return to normal- MAYBE! How does it feel to be as worthless as a paper airplane?! FAREWELL, FOOLISH FOOLS! Whee hee hee hee hee!"

The demon's face soon faded into the darkness, continuing its sinister laughter; and soon, the darkness itself faded, returning the group to the chamber where the chest was. Weirded out by the experience, they each took time to regain their composure.

"What just occurred?" asked Edd. "Did that… thing really curse us or impose some special ability on us?"

"I don't even know anymore, dude," replied Nazz. "This place is just plain weird. Even Eddy isn't that twisted."

"…Er, right then, let's press on, all," stated Frankly.

The group returned to the previous room and almost immediately spotted something they hadn't seen on the way in: On the floor was an oddly-colored panel, depicting the top of a paper airplane.

"Huh," said Nazz. "Can't believe we didn't see this earlier. Looks like a paper airplane shape. If we touch it, we'll turn into paper airplanes… unless that ghost demon thing was messing with us like Eddy always does."

"Maybe we can use that to our advantage," Goombella chimed in. "Look over there."

The others followed Goombella's gaze to a platform across the chamber, off the ground, with a doorway, leading deeper into the ruins.

"There," she said. "If we can fly to that door from here, perhaps then we might find the door."

"I'll-a go first," said Mario. He stood on the panel, which glowed under his feet. The others watched in awe and fear as he suddenly folded into the shape of a paper airplane. In this form, Mario took flight, descending slowly in the air as he flew across the room. He landed on the platform and instantly unfolded back to his regular self.

"Nothing to it," he called to the others. "Who's-a next?"

"Ooh! Me!" exclaimed Goombella. She stood on the panel and did the same thing as Mario; she was followed by Frankly, then by Nazz.

Finally, it was Edd's turn. As he transformed, he felt himself folding into a paper airplane, yet strangely it didn't hurt. After a flight that was rather shaky due to his nervousness, he landed safely on the platform and unfolded back to his original form. The group pressed on into the next room, and were stunned as they beheld the sight before them.

They were in an enormous chamber, featuring broken pillars, a circular pedestal in the center of the room, and a giant set of double doors with star-shaped markings on them, its frames marked with the language of the ancient civilization that once dwelled within this millennium-old city.

"Look… at… THAT!" exclaimed Frankly. "This is it- the very door spoken of in the legends..."

"The Thousand-Year Door!" exclaimed the entire awestruck group at once.

They all stood there, amazed by the magnificent sight before their very eyes.

"Incredible!" exclaimed Edd, enraptured by what he was beholding. "The architecture… the design… it's magnificent!"

"So the legends are all true…!" mused Frankly. "Amid all the whispers, the tales into which it's been woven… there it is, big as life!"

"Hey guys, what's that?" asked Nazz, directing the group to a circular dais in front of the door, with a pedestal in the center.

Curious, Mario approached the pedestal and stood in the center of it, and held up the map. All of a sudden, a bright flash blinded the room for a split second.

"Gah!" screamed Edd. "What's happening?"

The star emblem on the pedestal began to glow a bright cyan, with matching rings of light encircling the complete circumference of the dais. Some ancient patterns emerged on the floor in the same cyan color of light, with seven circular points outlined, presumably to mark the resting spots of the Crystal Stars.

As if that wasn't enough, Mario's map began to glow as he held it high. The map floated out of his hands and emitted another bright flash before the entire phenomenon slowly ceased, and the room returned to normal.

As the group examined the map, they noticed something different about it – the map had marked a location off to the northeast, indicating a flowery meadow and a castle. The image of a diamond-patterned star flashed above this new location. In addition, another surge of energy began to flow through the entire group, save for Frankly.

"Professor!" exclaimed Goombella. "Look at the map!"

"And what was with all those crazy lights?" asked Nazz.

Edd had no words for what he had just witnessed. Normally, he had been able to provide a rational scientific explanation for strange phenomena, but this time, he could only stare in awestruck silence.

"Hrmmmm…" mused Frankly. "It appears that the map has revealed information related to the locations of the Crystal Stars."

"And… what about that strange, shining light that surrounded us?" asked Edd. "I mean, this is enough to baffle all of science!"

"Yes, well…" interjected Frankly. "Let's all return to my place and study the map closely."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Back at Frankly's house, he and Edd had brandished their magnifying glasses to examine the map more closely, while the others watched.

"Well?" asked Goombella. "What does the map say?"

"Firstly, about that light we saw shining on Mario," began Frankly. "By my reckoning, he can now perform what is known as a special move."

"A special move?" asked Nazz.

"Yes," answered Frankly. "Stuff like this is explained better by example rather than words. Let us try it out!"

"Okey-dokey," replied Mario.

"First, let us go outside since this place is rather cramped," said Frankly. He led the others outside his house.

Once everyone was outside, Frankly continued: "Hold the map over your head, Mario."

Mario did as asked, and the map glowed again. Suddenly, he noticed that he was now holding several small stars in his hands. Out of nowhere, it seemed to be raining pictures. Some of them were of white flowers, while others depicted Edd, Nazz, Goombella, and Mario himself.

"What on Earth?!" asked Edd.

"Double-D, don't forget, we're not on Earth anymore," replied Nazz. Edd, however, didn't hear her comment. He was fascinated by just about every new thing he saw since the two wound up here from Peach Creek.

Mario took one of the stars he had and tossed it at the falling icons, striking an icon of Goombella. She gasped as she glowed for a split second, and then commented, "That felt kinda good. Like a sweet treat."

"Yes, I believe this is a healing spell," commented Frankly. "A very sweet treat, indeed. Ah! This spell shall be called Sweet Treat!" he exclaimed jovially.

Mario continued to launch stars, striking icons of himself, Goombella, Edd, and Nazz, as well as a few flower icons.

"The flowers represent Flower Power," explained Frankly, "a sort of shared magical power. The more you collect as a team, the more you can unleash in an attack."

"Intriguing," mused Edd.

Just then, Mario tossed another star… but it hit a sickly green mushroom icon instead.

"D'oh!" he exclaimed, briefly paralyzed.

"Oh, my, you've hit a Poison Mushroom," explained Frankly. "Hitting that causes temporary paralysis, lasting about two seconds."

Very shortly thereafter, Mario began to regain feeling in his hands. The icons stopped falling, and the map's glow faded.

"Oh, dear," quipped Edd, seeing this. "Did we just waste the power of the map?"

"Hm," mused Frankly. He paced back and forth quizzically, and the others followed suit. Before too long, the map's glow returned.

"There we are," concluded Frankly. "The more you move, and the more you battle, the more Star Power is restored to the map, allowing you to use the special move once more. Come, let us return inside."

They went back into the house, and the subject shifted back to what the map was indicating.

"And now the second thing…" continued Frankly, as he and Edd continued to examine the map with their magnifying glasses. "Astounding! This map has radar-like functions! It now shows the location of a Crystal Star!"

"Professor, like, what are the Crystal Stars exactly?" asked Nazz.

"The Crystal Stars are ancient gemstones containing incredible magic power," Frankly explained. "As we saw on the Thousand-Year Door, there are believed to be seven altogether. They could very well be the keys to opening the door itself. It seems the map has detected one here, in a place called Petal Meadows."

"Petal Meadows?" asked Nazz.

"Precisely, young Nazz," Frankly responded. "Petal Meadows, as the name implies, is a vast meadow of flowers that lies to the east of Rogueport. To tell you the truth, I was always suspicious of that place. The name 'Petal Meadows' has come up in my research every now and then."

"Wait," chimed in Edd. "How would we arrive to that location from this community of dishevelment?"

"I do believe there is a pipe in Rogueport Sewers that connects to Petal Meadows," answered Frankly. "If you find that pipe and enter it, you'll get there instantly. Pipe travel's very efficient!"

Frankly closed his notebook, then turned to Mario and said, "So… you said Princess Peach was the one who gave you that map? Say… this wouldn't be her, would it?"

Frankly pulled out a picture and showed it to Mario, who gasped – that was Princess Peach!

 _ **Princess Peach Toadstool**_ _is the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. She is a very kind-hearted woman, sporting a royal pink dress, a golden crown, and long blonde hair. One of her most defining, but unfortunate, traits is her proclivity for getting kidnapped, usually by Mario's eternal nemesis, Bowser Koopa. It is implied that Mario and Peach may have a romantic attachment._

"Of course, that's-a correct," replied Mario.

"So it _is_ her!" Frankly realized. "She came to see me the other day, to learn about the treasure… I told her about the Crystal Stars, along with my suspicions of Petal Meadows…"

"Mario! Perhaps your Princess Peach could be there right now!" theorized Edd.

"You might-a be right-a, Double-D," replied Mario.

"Well, actually, she and Goombella weren't the only ones asking about the Crystal Stars, Professor," said Nazz somberly. "When Double-D and I got here, we were all ambushed by a bunch of jerks in X-like overcoats who wanted to know about the Crystal Stars as well…"

"Oh, my," said Frankly, with a tinge of worry in his voice. "Well, I certainly can't imagine Princess Peach being involved with _them_ …"

Edd, Nazz, and Goombella exchanged nervous glances, once again remembering Lord Crump and his goons accosting them all at the wharf. Frankly continued, "All right, it's settled! Off to Petal Meadows with you all!"

"You're not coming, Professor?" asked Goombella.

"No, I should stay in town to research the legend further, as well as ask about Princess Peach and that suspicions X-gang that Nazz was mentioning," replied Frankly. "Besides, I'm too old for long adventures. They're more young-people's thing."

"Well, Double-D, Nazz," said Mario. "I-a-know you two-a have been through a traumatic experience, but I encourage-a the both of you to come along. After all, it's-a very likely your friends from-a Peach Creek may be in this world, as well."

With this newly-acquired knowledge as well as the possibility of his friends being alive, Edd reluctantly decided to swallow his fear.

"I'll do what I can," he told Mario. "I'll never let an entire kingdom fall to its knees because of a missing princess. As you have protected me, I will help you protect your kingdom."

"I'll help, too, dude," chimed in Nazz. "If our friends are out there, we'll find them, Double-D." She slid closer to Edd, making him blush a little.

"One more thing," said Frankly. "Before you leave, take this with you."

Frankly held up what looked like a badge depicting a hammer.

"What is that?" asked Nazz.

"This is the 'Power Smash' badge," answered Frankly. "With this, the wearer can perform a more powerful hammer smash, at the cost of some Flower Power, of course."

"Ah, in that case, then Mario should wear this," replied Edd. "After all, it is he who wields the hammer."

"I-a thank you all," said Mario to his new friends, as he pinned the badge on his overalls.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Are we ready to go?" asked Goombella. She, Mario, and Nazz were waiting on Edd in the main town square, in front of the gallows.

"Not just yet," replied Nazz. "We should wait for Double-D to get back. He said he was going to the harbor to pick up supplies from our sailboat. Oh, there he is!"

Edd made his way up the stairs from the wharf and returned to the square, now wearing his backpack and holding a long metal rod in one hand. The rod was engraved with the name "S.S. Intelligence."

"Double-D? What are you doing with all that?" asked Nazz curiously.

"I returned to the sailboat and extracted some supplies from it," he replied. "This, erm, rod is for battle."

"Battle? You? I thought you despised violence. Scarlet letter notwithstanding," said Nazz incredulously, remembering the day Edd had a series of accidents that led to him being branded the toughest bully at Peach Creek Junior High.

"What I detest more than that is that our friends are missing and a kingdom is in terrible danger," stated Edd matter-of-factly. "Whether I like it or not, I must do this."

"And we have no time to lose," Goombella reminded them. "We gotta head for Petal Meadows."

The group nodded in response as Mario led them back to the pipe outside Professor Frankly's house that led to Rogueport Sewers. Goombella explained to them, "There's a pipe in the sewers that leads to the Meadows. I'll take you there."

"Right," replied Nazz. Mario immediately jumped into the pipe, followed by Goombella, Nazz, and Edd.

They returned to the area where they had encountered the three sewer-rat Goombas, but instead of taking the floating platform to the previous pipe, they continued straight ahead and entered another doorway, where they found themselves in a waterlogged room, with medium-sized stepping stones. One was moving back and forth. Near the center of the room was a warp pipe, this one made of stone.

"There it is," said Goombella. "It's just a few hops away. Relax – I don't think there are any giant Bloopers in the water."

This made Edd and Nazz a bit nervous; however, this statement had little to no effect on Mario, who hopped across the platforms with relative ease, followed by Goombella. After a short pause, Edd and Nazz hopped across the platforms together, eventually reaching the others at the pipe.

"Ready?" asked Goombella.

"Ready," affirmed the others.

Goombella jumped into the pipe, followed by Mario, then Nazz, then Edd, as the pipe took them out of the sewers, en route to Petal Meadows…

 **End of Prologue**


	4. 1-1: The Cowardly Koopa

**Chapter 1: Castle and Dragon**

 **Part 1: The Cowardly Koopa**

After a long glide through the pipe, Edd, Nazz, Mario, and Goombella emerged in a sun-bathed, green field in what appeared to be springtime. These Petal Meadows appeared very beautiful, serene, and almost calming, with flowers of many colors and species growing here, surrounded by trees and hills, the sounds of birds singing, and with very few clouds in the sky. The only thing off-putting about the place was the rather foreboding castle in the distance, but for now, that didn't seem to bother the group.

"Wow, Nazz," remarked Edd. "This place is so serene."

"In deference to Rogueport, this place really is beautiful," added Nazz, amazed. "So many flowers of all different kinds… Sarah and Jimmy would've really loved this place."

Indeed, Edd and Nazz were both aware that Sarah and Jimmy loved flowers. As a matter of fact, he recalled the time he himself bonded with the accident-prone boy over the rare Baby Blue Gym Sock flower, which Edd had once successfully cross-pollinated with a rose. He then shuddered slightly, remembering that this particular flower had caused Sarah to become obsessed with him for a while.

"Woo hoo!" interjected Goombella. "This is the true start of our adventure! We can admire the pretty flowers later – let's find that Crystal Star!"

Goombella was right – they had little, if no, time to lose. The group walked down the path ahead of them, admiring the scenery and overall quiet ambience. They approached a strange stone setup – two rocks, one with a crescent-shaped carving, another with a heptagon-shaped carving, and a third stone in the center of them, which resembled the pipe that the group had just come out of.

"Intriguing," mused Edd, pulling out his magnifying glass and examining the rocks.

"What-a is it, Double-D?" asked Mario.

"There appears to be some sort of significance behind the positioning of these boulders," explained Edd. "In addition, this boulder on the left appears to be marred with a crescent indentation. The boulder on the far right of the central pedestal seems to have an indentation of its own, shaped like a heptagon. As to what they could mean, I haven't deduced that far ahead yet."

Edd finished his examination of the strange boulders and rejoined the rest of the group. Goombella looked behind them – and, in a knee-jerk moment, forced the others down into the tall grass.

"Pardon me? What is the meaning of this?" demanded Edd.

"Shhhh!" whispered Goombella. "Look up in the sky – but DON'T scream."

Edd, Nazz, Mario, and Goombella looked up into the sky – and saw a giant, vicious red dragon flying above them, casting an enormous shadow as it flew by. The dragon emitted a loud, bone-chilling roar that echoed throughout the meadows. As the group watched, the dragon flew inside the top of the castle.

Once the group realized they were safe, Nazz asked, "What the heck was THAT?!"

"I have no idea," replied Goombella nervously, "but I don't need to tattle on that beast to know it's fierce and we're not safe out in the open."

"Didn't Professor Frankly imply that this place was peaceful?" asked Nazz.

"I know, it's crazy!" replied Goombella. "We've just barely started, and already there's danger, and intrigue!"

"Let's-a go," piped up Mario. "I think I-a see a town up ahead."

"A town?" asked Nazz. "Maybe it's nicer than Rogueport."

The group continued through the meadow, heading in the direction of the town a ways ahead. In the path were many Goombas of all three variations akin to the sewer-rat trio from earlier; however, these Goombas didn't bother to say a word before attacking. They were dispatched by the group with relative ease, though not without sustaining some minor damage. Before long, the group encountered some new creatures – yellow-skinned turtles, wearing sunglasses and red shells.

"These are Koopa Troopas," explained Goombella.

"They seem tougher than those, erm, Goomba-things," remarked Nazz.

"They-a do have a higher defense," added Mario. "These you-a need-a to jump on."

At least three Koopa Troopas overheard the group, and geared up to attack. Mario, seeing this, jumped on the lead Troopa, knocking it on its back.

"Now that-a it's upside-down on its shell, they're-a more susceptible-a to attack," remarked Mario.

"Right, then. I shall go next," stated Edd. "One must let one's fear of injury subside. There's too much at stake to buckle." Taking a deep breath, he swung his rod. This Troopa let out a screech, and ducked inside its shell – but it was in vain, as Edd took another deep breath and swung his rod a second time, knocking the shell back into the other two Koopa Troopas like a hockey puck. The others fell back on their shells, allowing for Nazz and Goombella to get in their attacks. The Troopas hobbled off in defeat afterwards, leaving behind a number of coins that the group picked up.

"We did it!" exclaimed Goombella.

"Indeed," replied Edd, feeling both relieved and ashamed at having intentionally inflicted violence.

Nazz, seeing this, said to Edd: "Deep breath, Double-D. We did what we had to do to defend ourselves. You said it yourself, dude – there's too much at stake to buckle."

"You're right, Nazz," replied Edd, feeling a little better now with Nazz helping to absolve his guilt.

The heroes continued down the path, eliminating what threats they encountered on the way and picking up some coins and items. Before long, they had arrived at the town that Mario had spotted from their earlier vantage point. It definitely _looked_ more inviting than Rogueport, but the heroes maintained their guard just in case. The gate to the town contained a sign that read: "Welcome to Petalburg."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Upon entering Petalburg, the heroes immediately noticed the stark contrast to Rogueport. This small community was rather calm and pleasant, with only a few nice-looking houses. It felt about as peaceful here to Edd and Nazz as Peach Creek did.

"Hey there," said a nearby Koopa Troopa, greeting them. "Welcome to Petalburg. I'm Koopablo. It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," replied Edd, extending his hand for a handshake. "I'm Eddward, and this is Nazz, Goombella, and Mario."

"You're a Koopa Troopa, aren't you?" asked Nazz. "You seem a lot nicer than the ones who attacked us on our way here."

"Some of our kind are extremely territorial," replied Koopablo.

"And still others-a work for-a Bowser," remarked Mario.

"Truth be told," continued Koopablo, "you guys are the first visitors we've had in a long time. We haven't had many visitors around here. We're a pretty remote little community. It certainly didn't help our tourism once that Hooktail showed up."

"Hooktail?" asked Edd.

"A giant, red dragon, whose tail is shaped like a hook," explained Koopablo. "It lives in that castle a ways over yonder."

"Bohemian!" exclaimed Edd. "This Hooktail flew over us in the Meadows! Thankfully the behemoth didn't spot us in the grass."

"Yeah, we saw it almost immediately after we got here," added Nazz.

"Really?!" exclaimed Koopablo. "Wow, you are SO lucky it didn't see you! It would've devoured you otherwise!"

"Even now we're counting our blessings," remarked Edd.

"Anyway, have you or anyone else in this town heard any information regarding a Crystal Star?" asked Nazz.

"Yeah, we're on this quest to find them," added Goombella. "They're, like, super important."

"Crystal Stars, you say? Hmmm… Nope, can't say that I have," replied Koopablo. "Sorry about that. You could ask the mayor, though. Just a heads-up about our mayor – he's old. Like, really, really old. As such, he knows all kinds of stuff that we don't. Koopas his age are… really smart."

"Where is-a the mayor?" asked Mario.

"In that pink house just up ahead," answered Koopablo.

"Pink house?" mused Goombella. "Sounds totally hideous… but shouldn't be too hard to find."

"Thank you, Mr. Koopablo," stated Edd politely. He shook Koopablo's hand again, and the foursome walked away, as the middle-aged Koopa Troopa gazed in the direction of the castle that served as the residence to Hooktail, the fearsome red dragon. Mario directed the rest of the group to the nearby inn.

"Here's-a the inn," stated Mario to the others. "I think-a you guys might-a deserve a break."

"Hm?" inquired Edd and Goombella simultaneously.

"You three did take-a some damage on the way here," noted Mario. "I'll seek-a the Mayor and-a explain-a the situation to him. In-a the meantime, you guys rest-a here until I get back."

"Thanks, Mr. Mario," said Nazz. With a smile, Mario walked further into the town, leaving Edd, Nazz, and Goombella to walk inside the inn.

"Hello, and welcome to our humble inn," said the innkeeper, greeting the three. "A quick rest here only costs five coins a head."

"Here you go, room for three, please," replied Goombella, as she gave five coins to the innkeeper, with Nazz and Edd following suit.

"Thank you," replied the innkeeper. "Enjoy your stay."

Inside the room, Nazz immediately approached one of the beds and plopped onto it, sighing contently on the soft and comfortable surface of the mattress. Goombella followed suit and hopped onto one of the other empty beds. Edd crossed to a third unoccupied bed and lay on it, unable to sleep; the recent events that led to his and Nazz's arrival in this strange new world, compounded with his own uncertainty of sleeping in an unfamiliar (much less unlabeled) setting in addition to his worry over his remaining comrades' welfare, was beginning to take a toll on him.

Nazz looked over at Edd and, seeing as he was still awake, asked him, "What's wrong, Double-D? Having trouble sleeping?"

"My apologies, Nazz," he replied, troubled. "I need to find some clues, some signs… this whole thing is a heavy burden to bear."

"You sure, Double-D?" asked Nazz, concerned. "You look like you could use some sleep."

"I know, Nazz… but I've got too much on my mind right now. Thanks anyway, and have a calm rest," replied Edd. Nazz shrugged and decided to leave him be, as she drifted off to sleep. No matter how tired Edd was, he was too consumed with a mixture of emotions to be able to sleep efficiently.

"This situation is getting out of hand," he said quietly to himself. "I do hope the others are as fortunate as we were…"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Mario explored the town further, engaging in conversations with a few of the residents. One young Toad spoke of his love for a game called "Fire Emblem," whatever that was; a bulb-like creature he spoke to complimented Petalburg's atmosphere of cleanliness, but lamented the presence of Hooktail; a Koopa Troopa in his mid-thirties noted that the town's mayor, Kroop, had become rather forgetful, a fact that worried the hammer-wielding jumpman slightly; and finally, he engaged in a conversation with a young female Koopa wearing a magenta headband and sporting golden-blonde hair tied back.

"Hello," he said to her.

"Oh, hi," she responded. "It's nice to meet you. My name's Koopie Koo."

 _ **Koopie Koo**_ _is a resident of Petalburg Town, and the love interest of fellow resident Koops. While she does like Koops, she wishes he was stronger and braver. She has blonde hair tied back, wears a magenta headband, and her shell is navy-green, but supported by a magenta shell-shirt. All around, she's a nice person, who worries for the safety of others, specifically Koops._

"It's-a nice to meet-a you, too," replied Mario politely. "My name is-a-"

"Omigosh!" interrupted Koopie Koo, having realized who she was talking to. "That red cap… Those overalls… and that unmistakable mustache! You're Mario, aren't you?! Of the Super Mario Bros!"

"Indeed," the plumber confirmed.

"Wow!" exclaimed Koopie Koo. "I've heard so much about you! How you're so strong and brave… if only Koops was more like you… see, I sort of like Koops, but he doesn't exactly have the heart of a lion, so to speak."

"Is-a the mayor home?" asked Mario. "I need-a to speak-a with him about-a something important."

"Oh, of course," replied Koopie Koo. "He's in this pink house behind me. Oh, just a heads-up – he's… not all there in the head, if you know what I mean."

"Thank-a you," said Mario. "Nice-a to meet-a you, Koopie Koo."

Mario entered the pink house and met with the mayor, Kroop. Indeed, he was very old – his eyesight was very poor, and it didn't help that he had very bushy eyebrows; he was carrying a cane, and he seemed hard of hearing. The plumber slammed the door shut to get Kroop's attention.

"Huh? Whuzzat?" he exclaimed, in a thick Western drawl. "Someone there? Who is it? WHO? What do you want from me?"

"Pardon-a me, Mister-a Mayor-" began Mario.

"I know!" interrupted Kroop. "A thief! Here to rob a defenseless old Koopa! Despicable!"

"Oh, no, no-"

"Go on, do what ya will… but as you can plainly see, there's nothin' to steal here. Well, maybe a few coins… Take it, you fiend. And maybe my antique shell, too. Just don't be takin' them pictures of me and the missus. Can't do without those memories…"

"Mr.-a Mayor!" exclaimed Mario. "I'm-a not a thief!"

"Whuzzat? Not a thief?" asked Mayor Kroop. "Well then, what in tarnation is your story, feller? You lookin' for Crystal Stars?"

"How did- yes!" exclaimed Mario. "Crystal Stars!"

"Well, why didn'tcha pipe up before, ya ijit?" replied the mayor. "Them Crystal Stars… dag-nabbit, what'd I hear 'bout them dang things, again? Oh yeah- Hooktail! Hooktail's got what yer lookin' for! Ya heard about Hooktail, right?"

"Of-a course," replied Mario. "We caught a glimpse of-a Hooktail as it-a flew into that-a castle."

"Yepper," replied the mayor. "That's the one. Eats folks, they say. That dragon's brutal fly-by snackin's got all of us on pins 'n needles."

"So the dragon-a may have a Crystal Star in that-a castle?" asked Mario.

"Yepper!" replied Kroop again. "You gon' rid us all o' that thar Hooktail? Why, if you can do that… why, we'll shower ya with gratitude 'n rewards."

"I'm-a not in it for-a the rewards," mused Mario.

"Really? Why, how mighty unselfish of ya!" exclaimed the mayor. "Noble, indeedy. Now, what'dja say yer name was?"

"Mario," replied the plumber.

"Murphy?" replied Kroop, misinterpreting the hammer-wielding jumpman. "That's a fine name. A mighty fine name, there. Now then, Murphy…"

"My name is-a Mario," repeated the plumber.

"I appreciate that, Murphy! Them's some mighty nice eyebrows!" responded the hard-of-hearing Kroop. "To get to the castle, you'll need to find the secret pipe near this village. I ain't too sure where it is, but I know you need stone keys to use that pipe. One looks like the sun, the other one like the moon. You'll find the keys in that Shhwonk Fortress out yonder just past the village. Well then, Murphy… git goin' an' take care o' that Hooktail!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Shhwonk Fortress?" asked Goombella.

"Is-a correct," replied Mario. "There are-a two stones there, a Sun-a Stone and a Moon-a Stone. The stones act as-a keys that open-a the way to Hooktail's castle."

"And once we find them, where do we put them?" asked Nazz.

"On-a the indented-a rocks-a we passed on-a the way here, I believe," responded Mario.

At this, Edd suddenly was hit with a realization. Those stones he was examining when they first arrived in Petal Meadows… the two boulders with indentations on the sides… the pedestal situated between them…

"Elementary!" he exclaimed. "This means those very stones I examined…"

"…are hiding the way into Hooktail's castle!" added Goombella, completing the sentence.

"And where, may I ask, is this Shhwonk Fortress?" inquired Edd.

"In-a the meadows, on the eastern exit of-a the town," replied Mario.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" said Nazz. "Let's go!"

The foursome bid goodbye to the innkeeper as they left the inn. They continued to the other side of town, past the mayor's house and the spot where Mario met Koopie Koo. Before long, they reached the rear gate to the town. The Koopa who guarded the gate asked, "You all headed to Shhwonk Fortress?" The group responded in agreement.

"Well… okay, you may pass," said the gate Koopa. "Just be careful – there are a few guards that can't be taken out by fire or conventional means; you'll have to get creative if you want to get past them. Like, say, a POW Block."

"Hey, wait!" called a new voice from behind the group.

The foursome turned and found themselves facing another Koopa. This one wore a green shell and a cyan hooded jacket, almost reminiscent of Kevin's orange hooded jacket but whose color matched Jimmy's shirt; and blue jean shorts similar to Edd's lower-body attire. His skin, though, was a more pale yellow, and the bandage on his nose reminded Edd and Nazz of the accident-prone Jimmy, who was almost always seen wearing a bandage or a cast. The timid Koopa approached the group nervously.

"Oh, hello," greeted Edd. "Is there something we can assist you with?"

"Sorry to hold you up," he said, soft-spoken. "I, um… I wanted to ask…"

As Edd observed this Koopa, it was clear that he was nervous about something, as he was shaking in the knees, and a nervous sweat had broken out on his brow. There was an awkward silence from the group as the young Koopa struggled to find the words he wanted to use to ask his question.

"Actually, um… never mind," the timid Koopa said, his voice shaking as he was losing his nerve altogether. "Just… forget it. Forget we met… I'm s-sorry to keep you… I-I'll just…"

The Koopa walked away, hanging his head down in depression. As he entered his home, Edd looked on, worried. From his observations, it seemed this young Koopa suffered from an inferiority complex and a high state of anxiety.

"I wonder what he was going to ask?" wondered Nazz.

"Beats me," replied Goombella. "But for now, we gotta get going."

Nazz, Mario, and Goombella began to trek out, but Edd remained still, gazing at the house that the timid Koopa entered. As he looked on, he was again reminded of Jimmy's insecure nature, and empathized with the poor Koopa, as he truly detested seeing anybody upset. He started to approach the house when Nazz called, "Double-D, come on! Let's get a move-on!"

"You three go on ahead," Edd called back. "I have an urgent matter that I need to attend to."

"You're not coming?" questioned Nazz.

"I'll catch up with you later," replied Edd. "Worry not."

"Okay, dude," replied Nazz. "But come back when you're done."

"I will, Nazz," called Edd. He watched as the other three members of the group journeyed to this Shhwonk Fortress to procure the two key-stones necessary to gain entrance to Hooktail's castle. Once he was sure that they were out of sight and earshot, he turned to the young Koopa's house and pressed his ear against the door; as much as he detested eavesdropping, Edd wanted to help him. He could hear the sound of the young Koopa crying on the other side of the door. Tired of standing by, he knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" came the timid Koopa's quavering voice.

"Um… may I come in, please?" asked the sock-headed boy.

"Oh, um… s-sure," replied the crying Koopa, and he opened the door to allow Edd inside the house. The boy could see a tear trickling down the young Koopa's face.

"Um… I saw you with those other people at the gate," said the Koopa. "Sounds like you're planning to storm the castle where Hooktail lives."

"That's correct," replied Edd.

"So… why are you here? Why didn't you go with the other people you were with?" asked the Koopa.

"Because, earlier, you seemed like you wanted to say something," answered Edd. "But you left before saying anything… and, well, I want to know what it is you wanted to say."

"Really?" cried the young Koopa. "You actually care enough to hear me out?"

"Absolutely. I'm not going to stand by and watch you suffer," replied Edd. "First, allow me to introduce myself. My name's Eddward Bentley, but you can call me Double-D."

"Oh, um… it-it's nice to meet you, erm… Double-D," said the young Koopa. "My name's Koops."

 _ **Koops**_ _is a young Koopa resident of Petalburg. Much like Jimmy, Koops is very shy and insecure; but he wants to be brave and strong, hoping it will impress Koopie Koo and avenge his father, who had disappeared ten years ago in an ill-fated attempt to defeat Hooktail. He can launch himself at enemies for decent damage; when his shell is kicked, he can hold himself in place as necessary before returning._

"Well… if you care what I have to say, pull up a chair and listen," said Koops. Edd did as told, and Koops continued: "For much of my life, since I was very little, I was always made fun of and called names, like 'weakling' and 'glass shell.' See, I don't have a lot of confidence, and literally no self-esteem, and I'm also pretty clumsy and prone to accidents… and because of all that, everyone considers me an outcast, and so I don't exactly have any friends."

"Oh, my… I can relate, in so many ways," said Edd, empathizing with Koops. "I'm from a place called Peach Creek, in another world. I get picked on for being one of the weakest kids there… and I've often been the scapegoat in so many of my friends' failed endeavors." As he said this, he was reminded of so many failed scams in which he participated; at the same time, he was also once again reminded of Jimmy, who was also accident-prone. Edd then thought to himself, _At least I have friends… but this poor young Koopa doesn't…_

"Lately, though, my real problem is dealing with Hooktail," continued Koops. "You see…, my father, Koopley… he went to Hooktail's castle to slay the dragon because it wouldn't stop terrorizing our little town. To this day he hasn't come back… and that was ten years ago. I believe the dragon ate him…"

"Oh… my goodness," remarked Edd, as he continued to listen to Koops's tale of woe.

"And now…" continued Koops, "I-I want to… to finish what my dad started all those years ago. I want to avenge my father, and to do that, I need to take down that Hooktail once and for all… so when I saw you and your friends, I wanted to ask if I could help you… if I could join you on your mission… but then I remembered that I'm weak, so I lost my nerve… I don't think I could be of any use to you…"

"Oh, Koops," said Edd sympathetically, "that's a very emotional recollection."

"But… but I want to be stronger than this," said Koops. "I don't want to be the sad little weakling anymore… See, there's this girl… her name's Koopie Koo. I really like her… and I want her to like me back… you know what that's like, right?... and I think the only way for me to really impress her is to take down Hooktail and save my town."

As Koops finished his tale of woe, Edd paused to think. Certainly, in a number of ways, Koops's crush on Koopie Koo was reminiscent of Edd's own crush on Nazz, as they both wanted to impress their respective girls. At the same time, both he and the timid Koopa shared a desire to become stronger and more confident. Edd suddenly had an idea, and turned to face Koops.

"Koops!" exclaimed Edd. "I think I've got it!"

"What?" asked the shy Koopa.

"You should by all means join us on our quest!" Edd replied.

"R-really? You want me to help you out?" asked Koops incredulously.

"Explicitly so," replied the sock-headed boy. "I infer that this quest shall allow the both of us to become stronger in our own right. And it may very well bring us closer to finding the Crystal Stars."

With Edd's words of confidence, Koops felt that, at long last, he had a real friend on his side. "In that case… I accept. Thank you so much! Let me get my backpack."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd and Koops made their way out of town, and no sooner had they arrived at the eastern gate than they spotted Nazz, Mario, and Goombella on their way back from Shhwonk Fortress. Nazz spotted the two at the gate and called out, "Hey! Double-D!"

"Hello, fellows!" greeted Edd, as he and Koops approached them halfway. "My apologies for not meeting you sooner. Has everything proceeded all right?"

"Oh yeah!" exclaimed Nazz. She stood proudly and produced the two key-stones, shaped like the sun and moon, necessary for passage to Hooktail's castle. "We had some trouble with a bunch of fuzzy-like creatures at that place, but they weren't _too_ hard to beat."

"By the way, remind me to thank that gate-Koopa for that tip about the POW Block," remarked Goombella. "It got us past some hard Clefts and spiked Bristles in the guard posts. We couldn't use the hammer on them – the Clefts are practically iron-solid, and the Bristles kept thrusting their spears out whenever we got too close."

"Hey, isn't-a that the Koopa from earlier who tried-a to ask us something?" asked Mario, noting the presence of Koops.

"Hello again," replied the Koopa, still rather timidly. "I'm Koops. And you guys are?"

"I'm Nazz Van Bartonschmeer," answered Nazz, "and this is Goombella and Super Mario."

"Mario?" asked Koops, becoming star-struck. "Wait- THE Super Mario? The jumpman? Wow! I've heard so much about you! Double-D, you didn't tell me you knew a celebrity!"

"Well, as I explained, Nazz and I aren't from this world originally," reiterated Edd.

"Wow, Mr. Mario, you've got some fans here, too!" exclaimed Nazz.

Mario did a jump in place, with a back-flip to follow, and then flashed a thumbs-up.

"Wow," exclaimed the star-struck Koopa. "It's great you're always on-hand to stick it to Bowser every time he attacks the Mushroom Kingdom."

"So what's the skinny there, Koops?" asked Goombella.

"Oh, um… I've decided… uh, Double-D, you wanna take this one?" said Koops nervously, as he was still star-struck upon meeting Mario.

"Of course, Koops," replied Edd. Turning to the rest of the group, he explained, "Koops has decided that he will be joining us in our infiltration of Hooktail's castle."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Goombella. "It doesn't seem like he's all that confident."

"Yeah, Double-D," added Nazz, half-whispering to Edd. "You saw how he lost his nerve when he tried to ask us himself earlier."

"I spoke with him while you guys were procuring the necessary keys from Shhwonk Fortress," stated Edd. "He's more than welcome to accompany us." He then added to the others, "He wants to do this to avenge his father, whom he believes was devoured by this Hooktail."

"Oh, my…" replied Nazz, shocked.

"Mamma-mia," added Mario.

"Gosh…" mused Goombella.

"Y-yeah," said Koops. "I want to slay the dragon to avenge my father. And maybe it'll cough up a Crystal Star, too."

Goombella perked up at this last comment, exclaiming "Oh yeah! I heard the dragon has a Crystal Star!"

"Well, then, we shall not waste any more time!" proclaimed Edd. "Onward, comrades! To the rock formation we passed on the way here!"

"WAIT!" called Koopie Koo, who had overheard the group's plan. She approached the group with a look of worry on her face, though it seems she was directing it most toward Koops.

"K-Koopie Koo!" yelped Koops.

"Did you say you're heading off to fight Hooktail?" she asked, worried. "You've gotta be joking! I mean, you're not exactly a powerhouse – it'll eat you right up!"

"I know," he replied. "But I want to be tougher. For you."

"So you're timid and delicate. That doesn't matter to me!" she remarked. "You don't need to prove anything to me, Koops. You don't have to change who you are to impress me. All you need is to be yourself."

"I'm not going alone," he said to her. "I'm going with these guys! You don't have to like my choice, but my mind's made up. I promise you, I will come back a stronger Koopa!"

Koopie Koo started to become mad, her hands clenching into fists. Edd, seeing this, grew nervous, while Nazz readied herself just in case. After a few seconds, Koopie Koo finally calmed down and unclenched her hands.

"…Very well," said Koopie Koo. "But you promised me that you're coming back!"

As Koopie Koo headed back to her house, the group breathed a sigh of relief.

"She reminds me of Sarah," said Edd, a bit intimidated.

"Right… Well, then, Koops, welcome to the team," said Nazz, extending her hand to Koops for a handshake.

"Well, then, shall-a we?" stated Mario. "Let's-a go!"

 **End of Part One**


	5. 1-2: The Dragon of Petal Meadows

**Chapter 1: Castle and Dragon**

 **Part 2: The Dragon of Petal Meadows**

Now with Koops on their team, Edd led the group out through the western exit of Petalburg. They crossed through the Petal Meadows, eventually arriving back at the rock formation that Edd had examined earlier. He whipped out his magnifying glass to re-examine the stone indentations, while Nazz produced the two key-stones from her pocket.

"So, like, which stone goes in which boulder?" asked Nazz.

Edd, with his magnifying glass, noted the shape of each stone as he looked – the Sun Stone was shaped like a heptagon with seven sides; the Moon Stone was shaped like the crescent. He glanced back at the carvings in the two boulders, then back at the stones in Nazz's hands.

"The key-stone of the sun, owing to its heptagonal shape, shall fit in the rightmost boulder," explained Edd. "The key-stone of the crescent moon shall fit in the leftmost boulder."

 _Fairly obvious_ , _Double_ - _D_ , Goombella thought to herself.

"Here, Double-D," said Nazz, handing the Moon Stone to Edd. "You insert this one, and I'll insert the Sun Stone."

"Very well indeed, Nazz," replied Edd. He inserted the Moon Stone into the carving on the leftmost boulder, while Nazz inserted the Sun Stone into the rightmost boulder's carving. With both set in place, the Sun and Moon Stones glowed brightly; as this happened, several cracks began to form on the central stone pedestal. The cracks grew larger and wider before the pedestal eventually broke into pieces, revealing its true form – a simple green warp pipe.

"All right!" exclaimed Goombella. "Look out, Hooktail, 'cuz we've got your number!"

"Let's-a go!" exclaimed Mario.

"Onward, comrades! Let's sally forth!" proclaimed Edd, unnaturally determined. One by one, the group entered the pipe, this time led by Edd, followed by Goombella, Mario, Nazz, and finally Koops. The pipe connected to a doorway barely in front of the castle. After the group emerged from the pipe, they entered the doorway and found themselves in a large chamber, which acted as the castle's main gate. Goombella went ahead of the group to scope out the courtyard between the main castle and the gate fort. The first thing she noticed was the state of the castle's bridge – it was broken. In fact, the gap was too wide for them to simply jump over to the front door.

"Hey guys, the bridge is out," she told the group as she returned. "Looks like we'll have to find another way over to the front door."

As the group puzzled over how to get across the broken bridge to the castle, something caught Nazz's eye. Turning to face this new object, she asked, "Hey, what's that?"

The rest of the group followed Nazz's gaze, and found what appeared to be a trampoline.

"That's a springboard," replied Koops. "If you jump on it, it will bounce you higher than usual."

Edd, looking up, noticed a walkway at a much higher point than where they were standing.

"Excellent," he remarked. "If we bounce off this springboard, we may be able to reach the upper balcony."

Edd hopped onto the springboard, which responded by bouncing him high. While in midair, he thrust himself forward, just barely landing on the upper walkway. He paused for a few brief seconds to gather his bearings and balance his footing. Once he was certain of his balance, he called down to the others: "Okay, fellows!" Nazz bounced up from the springboard next, followed by Mario, then Koops, and finally Goombella. With the entire group of five now safely on the upper walkway, Edd and Mario crossed to the upper balcony to get a better view of the castle.

"Look, Mario," said Edd softly, looking down. "It's an airplane panel. Just like the one we used beneath Rogueport to get to the Thousand-Year Door."

Mario looked down to where Edd indicated, and sure enough, there was another airplane panel, identical to the ones seen in Rogueport Sewers.

"Mamma-mia, right-a on, Double-D!" exclaimed Mario.

"Hmmm…" mused Edd.

"What's up, guys?" asked Nazz, as she, Goombella, and Koops approached them.

"There's another air-o-plane panel like-a the ones in-a the sewers of-a Rogueport," answered Mario. "It's-a right out here, on-a the balcony."

"Hmm… Yes, yes…" said Edd to himself.

"What's Double-D doing?" asked Koops. Edd was now seen with what appeared to be measuring equipment and a graphing calculator.

"Calculating, I believe," replied Goombella.

"Calculating what?" asked Koops.

"Aha! Yes! Elementary!" exclaimed Edd.

"What is it, Double-D?" asked Goombella.

"We can use this airplane panel to reach the main castle!" he responded. "I've calculated the trajectory of our flight vis-à-vis the calm winds and the placement of this balcony relevant to the location of the castle. We need only arch downward as we approach, and we shall land safely in front of those doors."

"Classic Double-D, analyzing the situation," chuckled Nazz.

"Does he always do that?" Goombella whispered to Nazz.

"…ahem, right, then, shall we?" replied Edd.

"Yeah, I don't mean to toss a wet blanket… but how will a measly floor panel get us over there?" asked Koops, trying not to sound stupid.

"Watch, learn, and be amazed," replied Goombella. She stepped on the panel, which bounced her upward; whilst in midair, she folded into a paper airplane and flew to the other side, arching downward slightly, and landed safely on the ground before unfolding back to herself.

"Whaaa-?" exclaimed Koops, astonished. "H-h-h-how did you DO THAT?!"

"Long story, dude," said Nazz as she herself stepped on the panel, following Goombella in safe flight to the other side.

"But… I can't fly like that! How will I get across?" asked Koops.

"I'll-a see what I can-a do," replied Mario. Edd nodded as he used his paper airplane flight to join the ladies on the other side of the moat.

Mario took Koops by the hand and pulled him onto the airplane panel. As Mario began to transform, the effect of the paper-airplane "curse" began spreading to Koops, as he too began to transform, until they could no longer touch hands. Koops in his airplane form followed Mario in his airplane form to the other side of the moat, landing safely before transforming back.

"Whoa… that was a trip," remarked Koops. "I've never experienced anything like that in my life."

"Right, now that our flying lesson has concluded, may we resume our mission?" asked Edd.

As the group approached the doors, a distant shouting could suddenly be heard.

"Hey, guys? Did you hear that?" asked Goombella.

"Hear-a what?" asked Mario.

"That shouting…" Goombella remarked.

Before anyone could ask what they were hearing, the shouting came again.

"There it is again!" exclaimed Goombella. "Sounds like Hooktail might have a prisoner up there with it."

"A prisoner?" exclaimed Nazz.

"A prisoner?! Hooktail's captured some innocent soul?!" bemoaned Edd.

"What is this person shouting, Goombella? Can you make it out?" asked Koops.

"Um… I can't really tell. It's too far up to be really clear," replied Goombella. "But from what I did make out, it sounded like… well, I don't really know. It sounded to me like some made-up language, maybe some old native tongue… and sort of a weird accent, much unlike Mario's accent… and, I think, something about a goat?"

"Old native tongue?" puzzled Koops. "A goat? Who do we know who has a goat?"

"Nazz," whispered Edd. "You don't think…?"

"Could it be…?" Nazz whispered back.

"Oh, dear…" Edd whispered.

The two kids looked at each other worriedly, as they knew only one person fitting that description…

XXX000XXX000XXX

The fearsome dragon, Hooktail, took roost inside the top of the tower after a long flight. Inside, the dragon gazed at her prisoner, chained and shackled to the floor: a youth in his pre-teens, with blue hair and tanned skin, and a yellow shirt with a single red stripe.

 _It was Rolf_.

"Release Rolf immediately!" he demanded.

"Release you?" growled Hooktail, a dangerous but feminine tone in her voice. "Now why should I release my dinner? Even dragons have to eat."

 _ **Hooktail**_ _is the fearsome dragon who resides in her castle at Petal Meadows. The youngest of the "tail" family of dragons, she is feared around Petalburg for her eating binges and incredible strength. She had devoured many who dared to oppose her, including Koops's father, Koopley, ten years ago. She will eat anything… except a certain insect that makes an annoying chirping noise._

Rolf gasped in fear. Almost immediately, however, he clenched his hands into fists defiantly and became enraged.

"You know not with whom you quarrel!" the youth snapped.

"No, no, I don't, and it's not like I truly care," Hooktail retorted menacingly. "But it's truly amusing, seeing you squirm like the worm you are. Please, do go on. Amuse me some more."

"You dare call Rolf but dinner and the worm, she-who-flies?!" Rolf growled angrily. "You dare to challenge Rolf, the son of a shepherd?!"

"Hmm, yes, please, continue your worthless begging," mused Hooktail. "Every second, I grow famished. As you are my main course, I shall not release you. No, you shall remain where you are ensconced until dinnertime."

"Foul beast!" Rolf shouted. "Rolf swears on his ancestors in the Old Country that he shall NEVER be your deplorable meal!"

Hooktail just chuckled. Clearly it was fun for her, toying with this young one's mind.

"You are truly a pathetic little worm," she laughed. "You act as though you are this brave knight in shining armor, come to slay the great dragon that is I, Hooktail. But look at yourself. You're no brave knight. You lie shackled to the floor, just hopelessly waiting for dinnertime, where I inevitably _devour_ you."

Rolf's annoyance with this great beast boiled over into a raging hatred, as he quickly shouted out a stream of swear words in his native Old Country language. He continued: "You shall wait until Rolf is free of these shackles, she-who-flies! Then Rolf shall show the foul beast the true meaning of begging!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd, Nazz, Mario, Goombella, and Koops had gotten further into the castle, amid some troublesome encounters with Dull Bones and red-shelled Koopa Troopas. They had sustained minor damage, but not enough to completely halt their progress. Eventually they arrived in a room lined with prison cells and more Dull Bones, although these remained immobile even when the heroes drew close. There was one particular Dull Bones that stood out, though – Koops noticed that it was wearing blue shoes instead of green. Believing he knew who it was, Koops approached this skeletal corpse, tears forming in his eyes.

"No…" he whispered.

"Koops?" asked Nazz. "What's the matter?"

"These bones… they remind me of my father…" he cried. "There's no mistaking it! These bones – they're my father!" Koops let out a long, anguished wail: "DAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

"Everyone… a moment of silence, please," said Edd. They all bowed their heads in a respectful silence for the deceased Koopa. As they did, Koops noticed a piece of paper in the bones.

"What's this?" he asked, his voice shaking, as he picked up the paper. As he opened it, he discovered it was a note. "Hm… seems Dad left a note before he, uh… Sh-should I read it?"

"Sure, Koops," said Nazz somberly. "I'd like to know his final words."

"O-okay, um… h-here goes," cried Koops. "Um…" He took another deep breath, and began reading:

"Um… 'I came to this castle to destroy Hooktail, but now I'm stuck and cannot continue any further. So in this, my last letter, I shall note Hooktail's weaknesses for those who follow my original path. It seems the dreaded Hooktail is highly adverse to creatures whose names begin with CR and end with ICKET. Hidden somewhere in this castle is an item that relates to Hooktail's weakness. If one is to have any hope at all of bringing down the fearsome dragon Hooktail, one must-must first f-find that item… Alas… I lack the strength n-needed to continue writing… Already, mist veils… mist veils my eyes…"

Koops's eyes were too filled with tears to finish reading the note. He managed to hand it off to Edd before breaking down in Nazz's arms.

"Ahem…" Edd began reading where Koops left off, "'My last words go to my son, Kolorado: I love you, and I'm proud of… whom you've… become…' wait, what?"

"Huh?" was the reaction that came from the rest of the confused group.

"What?" asked Koops, his voice still breaking but now surprised. "L-Let me see that."

Edd handed the note back to Koops, who read to himself what the sock-headed boy read out loud.

"'My son, _Kolorado_?' Not 'Koops?'" he asked, puzzled.

"My apologies-a, Koops, but-a this here pile-o bones isn't-a your father after all," Mario pointed out.

"Oh, um… I'm sorry… my mistake," piped up Koops, now embarrassed. "It's just… the last time I saw my father alive, he wore something blue, but I couldn't remember if it was his shoes or his shell."

"Meanwhile, Professor Kolorado isn't gonna be too happy to learn what became of his father," Goombella added. "Assuming he doesn't already know."

"And all of these bones look alike," chimed in Nazz.

"Now that this has been sorted out, may we please return to the situation at hand?" asked Edd. As they traversed deeper into the castle, the sock-headed boy continued: "Here's what we know: This castle is home to a fierce dragon who we believe is holding a Crystal Star. And if what Goombella heard outside is true, then it's likely that one of our friends from Peach Creek may also be here in this dreadful den of disrepair. I have a hunch that finding one of them will lead us to the other two."

"Well, this could be a huge clue, Double-D," added Nazz, indicating the mention of Hooktail's weakness in the note. "There's bound to be something, maybe a badge, in here that makes cricket noises. We should find that first to have any real chance against this Hooktail."

The group pressed on through the halls of the castle, discovering more and more skeletons of those who had tragically been added to Hooktail's menu. They soon arrived at a room that had some more cells, though not as plenteous as the chamber before it. These cells had fewer horizontal bars, set up as though something as thin as paper could slip through and enter; in the leftmost cell was a red badge depicting a musical eighth note. There was a switch nearby, red and with an exclamation mark.

"Hmm…" mused Goombella, observing the switch. Mario pressed the switch with his hammer, and the rightmost cell opened. Edd made his way to the open cell, but the bars came crashing back down before he could pass through.

"Seems that switch doesn't last very long," observed Goombella. "Mario, hit it again. Double-D, stand in front of that cell."

Mario hit the switch again, raising the bars, allowing Edd to enter the cell – just before the bars came down once more.

"Double-D!" exclaimed Nazz. "Hey, what's the big idea? That switch is broken or something."

"I agree! What _is_ the meaning of this? Get me out of this cramped cell!" shouted Edd.

"Yeah, this switch only opens that cell for, like, a second and a half," griped Nazz.

"Wait…" said Koops. "I think I have an idea."

"What's-a that?" asked Mario.

As Edd looked around the cell in which he was now locked, Koops whispered in Mario's ear, as though formulating a plan. Edd, Nazz, and Goombella grew curious as to what he was whispering. Afterward, Koops and Mario turned to face the ladies.

"Nazz, Goombella, stand-a in front of-a the cell that-a Double-D just-a passed through," said Mario.

"Um… okay," replied Nazz, somewhat puzzled. She and Goombella stood in front of the rightmost cell. As they did, Koops ducked inside his shell.

"Ready, Mario?" he said from inside the shell.

Mario kicked Koops's shell, which didn't travel far before suddenly spinning in place.

"What the-?" observed Edd, Goombella and Nazz, surprised at what they were seeing.

"How is he staying in place like that?" asked Nazz.

Mario joined the ladies in front of the cell, and called to Koops: "Okey-dokey, Koops! Now!"

Koops suddenly launched himself at the switch, bouncing himself high and opening the cell. Almost immediately, Mario hurriedly ushered Nazz and Goombella inside the cell, joining Edd. As the bars slammed shut once more, Koops suddenly dropped in with the rest of the group.

"Intriguing…" mused Edd. "Koops can hold himself in place when his shell is kicked."

"Yeah," replied Koops. "Petalburg's Koopas learn how to do this from a young age."

"Except... now we don't have a way out," griped Nazz.

"Hey, look!" piped up Goombella. "There a hole in the wall here!"

Passing through the hole in the cell wall, they entered a room with a familiar sight: a single black treasure chest, identical to the one found in Rogueport Sewers.

"Hello out there?" came the voice from inside the chest. This voice sounded slightly different, somewhat lower-pitched than the voice from the chest in the sewers. However, that didn't stop what was inside from pounding the chest from within, causing it to wobble.

"Whoa. What. Is. THIS?" asked Koops, enunciating emphatically.

"A black treasure chest. This is like the one we saw back in the sewers under Rogueport, guys," replied Nazz.

"Hey! Guests!" responded the voice from inside the chest. "It's been a long time since anyone came here! Like, a _real_ long time!"

"Um… hello in there?" piped up Edd loudly.

"Huh? You heard me? Wow!" exclaimed the voice. "Wait a sec… if you can hear my voice, then that must mean… you must be some legendary hero or something!"

"That's what the last black chest said," commented Goombella.

"…Or not! To be honest, I'm sure anyone with ears can hear me," came the voice. "But it sure is fun zingin' people with that 'legendary hero' bit!"

"Hey, what's your deal, Mr. Unknown Voice?" demanded Nazz.

"But seriously, folks," said the voice. "I was wondering if you could maybe let me out of this chest. I've been locked in this chest for so long, I'm cramping up like you wouldn't believe. All you gotta do is find the key and let me out. Easy!"

"And why should we do that?" demanded Goombella.

"A valid point," added Edd, suspicious. "How can we be certain that you won't place some cockamamie curse on us if we free you from this tightly-fit ensconcement?"

"What? You think I'll curse you if you open the box! Ridiculous!" snapped the voice. "I mean, who would do that, really? Wait in a box and curse folks! I'll tell you who – a real slimeball, that's who! But I'm not a real slimeball, and so I wouldn't do such a dastardly and underhanded thing! But that should be obvious. Look, if you help me out, I'll help you out. Sort of a 'You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours' type of deal. But then, you don't have to if you don't want to. It's not like finding a black chest key is hard…"

"I don't want to," stated Goombella. "The last time we did this, we got cursed."

"Well, now hang on, Goombella," piped up Edd, recalling the "curse" from the previous black chest. "Now, previously when we were cursed, we became endowed with the ability to fold into paper airplanes and glide in the air for a slow descent across long crevices. After all, that _is_ how we were able to successfully reach this castle, let alone the Thousand-Year Door, in the first place. I say we accept the so-called 'curse' in the likely event that it grants us another new hidden skill."

"Okey-dokey," exclaimed Mario.

"Well, all right then," mused Goombella.

"Be patient, Mr. Voice, dude," said Nazz. "We'll find the key and spring you." The group left the chest and entered the next room.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Are you finished yet?" asked Hooktail, evilly and impatiently. As the dragon watched, Rolf had started to become worn out from struggling to free himself. His clothes were torn and filthy. Sweat ran down his brow as he continued to shout and struggle.

"Is Rolf to guess that she-who-flies has harmed Rolf's friends, too?" he yelled.

"Friends?" mused Hooktail, a look of insidious delight in her eyes. "Ah, so there are more of you? Splendid. My meal is expanding. I shall seek them out immediately."

"NO!" shouted Rolf, angry at himself upon realizing his mistake. "You shall never harm them! Hear Rolf now, she-who-flies!" He followed that with another curse in his native language. Enraged, he continued pulling and pulling at his chains. Soon, to both his and Hooktail's surprise, the chains snapped, and Rolf was on his feet.

"What is this?" snapped Hooktail. "What do you think _you're_ doing?"

"The accursed beast has abducted the son of a shepherd and threatened to harm his friends!" shouted Rolf in a rage. "For this you shall PERISH!"

Rolf ran right at Hooktail head-on, jumping up and striking her square in the face. Hooktail was taken aback at the force of the blow. Given that Rolf had spent the last several moments struggling to break free, she was surprised to see the youth put up a fight at all. Almost immediately, Hooktail fired back with a swipe of her tail, which struck Rolf with such force to send him flying clear across the room, nearly flying out of the large windows. He managed to grab a hold of the window frame, however, and successfully swung himself back inside to keep from falling out of the tower.

 _Rolf knows she-who-flies can put up a fight_ , he thought to himself. _But for how long can Rolf keep this up_? Indeed, much of his energy was spent on freeing himself from the chains on the floor, compared to the fierce Hooktail, who was poised for another strike.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd and the group barely managed to successfully escape the booby-trapped chamber after retrieving the black chest's key. It was one thing to navigate around a maze of spikes protruding from the floor. It was another to double back once the ceiling started to fall and produce spikes of its own. As Edd looked behind him, the spiked ceiling slowly started to rise back to its original position; however, he slammed the door in frustration so he didn't have to watch. He and the others were breathing heavily, clutching their chests and foreheads, having narrowly escaped with their lives and the key.

"Man, that was TOO close," gasped Koops, out of breath.

"Whoever is in that chest is a REAL JERK!" shouted Nazz in frustration.

"We did get the key, though," pointed out Goombella.

"Oh, great! You got it!" exclaimed the voice in the chest.

"I hope you have any idea what we went through for this!" yelled Goombella angrily at the voice. "We almost got shish-kabobbed in there!"

"Well, we might as well unlock this chest and see what 'curse' he has for us," mused Edd. He handed the key to Mario, who promptly inserted it and clicked the lock.

"WHEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE! FOOOOOOOOLS!" cackled the voice. The chest opened, and the area grew dark, as in Rogueport Sewers.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" screamed Koops.

Amid the darkness, a demonic face, as with the previous chest, had formed itself. The demon's face was contorted in an evil grin.

"Hee hee hee! And you thought I wasn't a slimeball! Why, only the most idiotic, pudding-brained dolt would fall for a scheme like that!" cackled the demon. (These words instantly reminded Edd and Nazz of Eddy and his insatiable greed.) "The castle's traps prevented anyone who ever entered this place from ever leaving it! No matter which path you take, you're fated to waste away to a slow, painful end!"

"NO!" exclaimed Koops.

"But wait!" continued the demon. "There's more to this great deal! I'll throw in a free CURSE! No charge! Ready? Oogly-googly-BOO!" A series of bright split-second flashes struck the group as they stood. "Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Now you doofuses are CURSED! Haha! Serves you right! This is a curse more cursedly curse-worthy than any curse that's ever cursed you!"

"What is this so-called 'curse' that you've inflicted on us?" demanded Edd.

"Imagine yourself as a piece of paper… and you shall become as thin as paper itself!" laughed the demon. "Wheeee-hee-hee-hee! Who curses like me? No one, that's who! It'll be embarrassing for you all! How does it feel to be as insignificant as a simple sheet of paper?"

"I'm detecting a paper theme with these 'curses,' and we've only been hit with two so far," remarked Edd.

"FAREWELL, YOU DUMBBELLS!" cackled the demon as its face disappeared, taking the darkness with it. The group was back in the room with the black chest. With no other option, they returned to the cell from which they entered the room. The switch to raise the bars was all the way on the other side – even Koops's shell couldn't get through, as the spacing of the bars was too narrow.

"That demon-thing said that if we think of ourselves as paper, we become as thin as one…" mused Nazz. "So… we don't need a floor plate or something to pull that off?"

Edd, however, was way ahead of the group: He began to imagine being as thin as paper, and next thing he knew, he was. The group stood amazed, mouth agape, as the now-paper-thin Edd slipped through the narrow spacing of the bars with ease before reverting to his original form.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Koops, Goombella, and Nazz all at once.

"So, like, if we use that curse that we just got, we can slip through these bars?" inquired Nazz.

"Explicitly, Nazz!" exclaimed Edd. At the same time, Mario applied the curse and slipped through the bars himself.

"Now, you-a try," said Mario to Koops and the ladies.

Goombella went first, turning to paper to slip through the bars. Nazz followed suit, and then finally, Koops joined the rest.

"Whoa…" remarked Koops. "Now THAT was a new experience."

"When we passed through this room earlier, I think I saw a badge behind… THIS cell," said Edd, indicating the leftmost cell."

"And now that we can go paper-thin, we can slip through and get it!" concluded Goombella.

Edd was already ahead of them, having gone paper-thin to slip through the bars and retrieve the badge. It was the Attack FX R badge.

"Ah, being-a paper does-a have its advantages-a," noted Mario.

Edd pinned the badge to his shirt. The group waited, but nothing seemed to happen.

"So?" asked Goombella

Edd opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, what did come out was a loud chirping noise. Surprised, he covered his mouth. He blushed in embarrassment, then uncovered his mouth to speak again, but the same chirping noise was emitted instead.

"What the-? Double-D, you sound like a cricket," chuckled Nazz.

"That's it!" exclaimed Koops. "This is what we were looking for! The note from… ahem… _Kolorado_ 's late father stated that Hooktail doesn't like creatures whose names start with CR and end with ICKET. As in crickets! And while wearing this badge, Double-D's speech is replaced with the chirping of a cricket! I think we found the very key to taking down Hooktail!"

"You sound confident all of a sudden, Koops," observed Goombella.

Edd smiled, but refrained from speaking, as he was still wearing the badge.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Are we there yet?" groaned Nazz. Minutes felt like hours as the group climbed what felt like a behemoth of a castle en route to the top. Exhaustion was beginning to set in, and aside for a few mushrooms to recover damage, they hadn't eaten much. The only things keeping the group going were the Crystal Star and the knowledge of Hooktail keeping a hostage that Edd and Nazz suspected was one of their friends from the cul-de-sac. Edd had also temporarily removed the Attack FX R badge so he could speak normally.

"We must be getting close," replied Edd, fighting hunger and exhaustion. "I can feel it."

They entered a new room in the castle. This room appeared to be a storage unit. There were shelves containing medieval weaponry ranging from spears to swords to axes, boxes loaded with heavy cannonballs, and small wooden treasure chests. There were also a few blocks that seemed to be floating in midair. That would, under normal circumstances, set Edd off on a rant about the effects of gravity, but as he still had no scientific explanation for the arrival of himself and the kids of the cul-de-sac to this strange new world, anything was possible at this point. Mario, however, was quick to notice that he and his group weren't the only ones in this room. There was a new creature here; she appeared to be a mouse wearing a red bandana with eyeholes.

"Hello?" he called to her, startling her.

"Hm? Oh, my!" said the mouse, almost flirtatiously with a slight Southern drawl. "Who's THIS handsome piece o' cheese? Seems there are other thieves here besides me. How very strange…"

"Who the heck are you?" asked Nazz.

"Me? Why, I'm Ms. Mowz, the globe-trotting bandit! Ya never heard o' me?" she replied.

 _ **Ms. Mowz**_ _is a Mouser bandit known around the world for her heists. However, her primary obsession is badges. She is believed to have collected a large number of badges from around the world. She's also something of a flirt, and speaks in a slight Southern twang, like Miley Cyrus. Anyplace there's treasure, it's likely she's already there to claim some for herself… especially if the treasure includes badges._

"No," replied the entire group in unison.

"Say, who are y'all?" she asked.

One by one, the group introduced themselves to her:

"Well, my name's Eddward."

"I'm Goombella."

"Uh… Call me Koops."

"Um, hi, I'm Nazz."

"It's-a me, Mario!"

"Mario? Wait- the world-famous hero, Super Mario?" she exclaimed.

"Hey! Wait just a minute!" demanded Edd of Ms. Mowz. "How dare you accuse us of being common thieves!"

"Well, why else would y'all be here?" she retorted. "Me, I'm here 'cuz I heard there were rare and valuable badges here in this castle. Which brings me to this – if y'all ain't thieves, then what are y'all doin' roamin' round such an ol' run-down place?"

"We're-a here to beat-a the dragon known as Hooktail and-a get the-a Crystal Star that it's-a got here," replied Mario.

"Yeah! So don't think we'll be letting you get it first, no matter how cute you are!" added Koops.

"A Crystal Star, you say? Mmm-hmm-hmm!" said Ms. Mowz with a chuckle. "I didn't know a thing like THAT was hidden in this here castle! Sounds intriguing! Perhaps I heard something that y'all didn't want me to hear?"

"Darn," replied Mario.

"Meh, it's alright," mused Ms. Mowz. "I mean, y'all were lookin' for a Crystal Star and I've been lookin' for badges… We were all here lookin' for different things. And besides, I already found that badge I was lookin' for, so I'll let y'all get your Crystal Star thingy."

"What is-a that supposed-a to mean?" asked Mario. Ms. Mowz approached the hammer-wielding jumpman and gave him a peck on the cheek, inciting Edd to look away (as he was reminded of when Sarah had that obsessive crush on him) and Goombella to shoot a glare at her, as if jealous.

"It means I have to say goodbye for now, Mr. Cutie-Pie," chuckled Ms. Mowz. "I know. It's sad. We just met, and it's already time to say farewell. Alas…" she continued, pretending to be melodramatic.

"Is she for real?" whispered Nazz to Edd.

Just then, Ms. Mowz performed a backspring, landing perfectly on the windowsill.

"Whoa! You're so… bold," mused Koops. "Is that legal?"

"Oh, I almost forgot! I gots me a li'l secret to share with y'all!" stated Ms. Mowz. "There's a badge of sorts somewhere in this castle that'll help y'all best this Hooktail, or so I heard. I myself don't know what kind o' badge it is. Maybe y'all found It already, or maybe not… I'd recommend findin' that there badge before confrontin' Hooktail. And with that, take care, Mr. Handsome 'Stache! Let's get together again real soon!" Ms. Mowz gave Mario a wink before hopping down from the window.

"Hm. What's her story?" wondered Koops. "Might be an interesting one… Maybe full of romance…?"

Edd and Nazz looked at Koops quizzically. The way the timid Koopa was talking about Ms Mowz reminded them of Jimmy.

"Hmm, seems there's a bit of stuff she didn't take with her," observed Goombella, looking at the unopened treasure boxes. The floating boxes seemed to have eyes on them, containing bright stones that resembled the sun and glowed like it. Mario jumped up at the boxes from underneath them, releasing their contents.

"Shine Sprites," he observed.

"Shine Sprites?" asked Nazz. "What are those?"

"Before this-a quest, I was on another one, on an island-a far away from-a here – Isle Delfino," recalled Mario. "I was-a ordered by-a the Delfino Supreme-a Court to clean up-a the mess of sludge and find-a the Shine Sprites to restore-a the island's Shine Gate. I don't-a understand how some of-a them ended up-a here…" As Mario stewed deep in his thoughts, Nazz found a mushroom, Koops found a pitcher of honey syrup, and Edd found a key.

"I found a key!" he exclaimed. "Let's get going, shall we?"

Mario pocketed the Shine Sprites and led the group out of the room, deeper into the higher reaches of the castle.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"How high up are we?" gasped Edd, winded.

The group had traveled very far, and they were now high up on the roof of the castle, with a cold gust of wind blowing. They were close to the central tower, where Hooktail made her roost.

"This must-a be where the Crystal Star is," noted Mario.

"And Hooktail's probably in there, too," added Koops, with a feeling of rage building as a result of his desire to avenge his father.

The door was immense in its size. Indeed, the door was about three-quarters the size of the circumference of Rethink Avenue back in Peach Creek. It took the combined strength of the entire group of five to push the door open, which was no easy feat. They entered the large room, with almost equally-large windows, and were immediately greeted with an angry shout in a native language. Edd and Nazz, to their shock, recognized him – it was Rolf fighting Hooktail himself, albeit a losing battle. He looked very exhausted and weakened, his clothes were torn, he was panting heavily, and he bore a number of scratches and cuts.

"ROLF!" shouted Edd and Nazz, shocked to see him wounded but alive.

"Ah, friends!" he exclaimed, and he smiled as he faced his two friends from the cul-de-sac, flanked by their new friends from this realm.

This happiness was short-lived, however, as Hooktail used this distraction to her advantage by slamming Rolf to the ground with her tail, then hooking him onto it.

"NO!" shouted Mario. "Leave-a that boy alone!"

Hooktail, completely ignoring Mario, opened her mouth wide and lifted Rolf with her tail, dangling him over her mouth.

"Please ask Rolf's family to remember the son of a shepherd!" shouted Rolf quickly. Edd, Nazz, and their new friends could only watch helplessly as the fierce dragon unhooked Rolf from her tail, then slammed her jaw shut as the boy fell in. When she opened her mouth again, Rolf was gone – swallowed whole by Hooktail.

"NO!" shouted Edd, shocked and enraged. He grabbed his rod and charged at Hooktail full speed, successfully catching the dragon off guard and striking her right in the head. After this, Hooktail threw Edd off of her and back to the floor, but the sock-headed boy managed to barely escape Rolf's fate and rejoin his friends.

"Ah… so you must be the friends of the so-called 'son of a shepherd'," mused Hooktail. "I see you came to save him. Pity that you failed. I suppose you're also here to steal the treasure I protect. Such rashness. Foolishness on your part, really."

Rage continued to build inside the heroes, as Hooktail continued: "You don't actually believe you can beat me, do you? Even my last meals couldn't beat me. You are small… and you don't look tasty. Meh, I suppose you could make a good snack. And the bottoms of your feet smell like they might make a nice sauce with some spices."

"That's just SICK!" shouted Nazz in complete disgust.

"I'll just sauté you to crispy goodness," sneered Hooktail, "and then you can join your friend 'Rolf' as I gobble you down… HEADFIRST!"

"You monster! You dare devour our friend, and so many poor innocent souls?!" screamed Edd in a rage.

"And my father, too!" added Koops, himself about to explode in a rage. Turning to the others, he said, "We gotta take this beast down, and we gotta do it NOW!"

Without warning, Hooktail swiped at them with her claws, sending them flying into the wall behind them.

"Listen, all! I have a plan!" exclaimed Edd.

"As always," derided Nazz.

"Mario! Goombella! You two distract the beast! Koops and Nazz, follow my lead!" ordered Edd.

Mario and Goombella nodded to Edd and went to make their moves: Mario whipped out his hammer and ran up to the dragon, slamming his hammer down hard on her claw. Goombella followed this up by bouncing off of Mario and landing on Hooktail's head. With Hooktail distracted, Edd pinned the Attack FX R badge back onto his shirt, then ran behind Hooktail unnoticed, then gave a signal to Koops and Nazz, who joined Edd while also remaining undetected by Hooktail. Edd gestured toward a nearby wall, indicating that they should climb it.

Edd began to climb first, with difficulty. Nazz was next to climb, then Koops. They had just barely reached three-quarters of the way to the top when Koops accidentally knocked a brick off the wall, sending it to the floor. The sound of the impact diverted Hooktail's attention away from Mario and Goombella, and she began to salivate at the sight of her new targets.

"HEY, UGLY!" shouted Goombella, trying to direct the dragon's attention back to her and Mario. "Fresh eats down here! What, you can't stomach living mushrooms? Can't take the taste of Italian cuisine? What are ya, CHICKEN? Braaak bok bok bok bok bok _braaaak_!"

 _Goombella, are you out of your mind?_ thought Edd as Hooktail looked back at the plumber and the Goomba girl. However, Nazz and Koops continued climbing the wall until they reached the rafters. They watched as Edd gestured toward Hooktail, who was now trying to bite Mario and Goombella. They knew they had to act fast.

Without warning, Edd dove off the rafters, aiming for Hooktail's head.

"DOUBLE-D!" shouted Nazz in a panic. Edd's newfound determination, however, had blocked out what fears and insecurities he may have had. He brandished his rod like a sword and, upon landing on the dragon's head, slashed at it with all his might.

"ARG!" came the pained yelp of the dragon as she couldn't see what was on her head.

Edd let out what would have been an angry scream, but as he was wearing the Attack FX R badge, his "scream" sounded like crickets chirping.

"…BLECH! That awful noise!" shouted Hooktail. "The intolerant chirping of crickets! How did you know?! Urp… I ate crickets once… and they gave me horrible food poisoning! I HATE THOSE ACCURSED INSECTS! Urrppp… Fight it, Hooky… Just hearing them now makes me want to puke!"

"We've got her now!" shouted Koops as Hooktail fought the urge to vomit.

"I'll follow Double-D! Koops, you stay here for another surprise attack later!" said Nazz.

Koops nodded, and Nazz dove off of the rafters, delivering a swift drop kick on Hooktail, who responded with another yelp of pain. By this point, Mario and Goombella had stopped fighting Hooktail themselves to observe Edd, Nazz, and Koops; the former two still clinging to Hooktail and attacking relentlessly.

"Grrrrrugh… That's… ENOUGH!" yelled Hooktail. Having conquered the need to vomit, she spun her body wildly, tossing Edd and Nazz off of her back. As he was flying, Edd released his rod and collided with a wall, with the rod just barely being caught by Koops with his free hand; Nazz managed to land safely on her feet.

Edd then hit the floor, badly wounded. He let out another cricket-like chirp, but it was too quiet to be heard by the dragon.

"Uh-oh…" said Goombella, worried. "Double-D's too weak to keep fighting!"

"This is so not cool," griped Nazz.

Mario had enough. He whipped out the Magical Map, and it glowed brightly as he called forth the Sweet Treat special move. Icons of themselves, as well as of flowers, began to rain down from the sky, and Mario was once again left to toss stars at them. He threw the stars with all his might, and once the move ended, the final tally was: four icons of Mario, one of Goombella, none of Koops, six of Edd, three of Nazz, and two flowers.

"Nice job, but it wasn't enough, Mario," observed Goombella. "He's still too weak to fight."

Hooktail used this distraction to her advantage and brought down her claws, pinning Mario and Goombella under her left claw, and Edd and Nazz under her right claw. The dragon's face was close enough to them that they could smell her grotesque halitosis.

"Just when you thought you could use my aversion to crickets against me," laughed Hooktail menacingly. "So… any last words before I devour my dinner?"

Suddenly, a determined war cry sounded from above: "WOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOO!"

Everyone on the ground looked up at the source: it was Koops, brandishing Edd's rod, diving right at Hooktail's head. He grabbed the rod with both hands as he descended, raising it high as if about to thrust a sword into a pedestal. As he approached, he thrust the rod straight through Hooktail's head, piercing its thick hide with moderate effort. The dragon let out a loud, anguished screech, and lost its grip on the rest of the group, lifting its claws. They escaped just in time to avoid being crushed by dragon as she slumped to her side and rolled over onto her back. Hooktail then let out one last moan before dying completely.

Nazz got to her feet first, and reached her hand to Edd to help him back onto his feet. Having exhausted much of his energy to deliver the final blow, Koops walked up to Edd and returned the rod, saying "I believe this belongs to you."

Edd removed his badge and responded, "Thank you." He used the rod to balance himself, as he was still very injured, and panting.

"I did it…" said Koops, panting as well. "I'm… I'm not afraid anymore. It's… finally over."

"If only we'd gotten here sooner, though," moaned Nazz, recalling that Hooktail had devoured Rolf just seconds after they arrived. "Then we could have…"

"There was nothing any one of us could've done," said Goombella quietly. "What's in the past is in the past, and, like it or not, there's nothing we can do about it…"

"We know," said Edd and Koops together.

"It'll be okay, Nazz," Edd told her. They embraced, fighting back tears all the way, attempting to comfort one another.

"No… no, it won't…." cried Nazz, her voice breaking. "I mean, Rolf is… he's-"

Nazz was interrupted by a sudden gurgling noise coming from Hooktail's body. As they watched, her cheeks started to pulsate slightly, and her mouth opened swiftly. In her final moments, she coughed up the injured and exhausted Rolf, as well as a blue Koopa shell.

"Omigosh, that's so gross!" groaned Goombella, turning away.

"Rolf made it…" the blue-haired boy mused. "That was unpleasant like the parasites that infest Wilfred's tuchus…"

"Rolf!" exclaimed Edd and Nazz, the latter no longer able to contain her tears that were now of joy.

"Double-D Ed-boy! Go-go Nazz-girl!" exclaimed Rolf happily. "Rolf cannot contain his happiness as his comrades are alive like the sows out of the sty!"

"We're so glad you're okay, dude," cried Nazz as Rolf embraced her and Edd.

"Now what is this that is stiff like Victor's hooves kicking a poacher in the coco-grapes?" mused Rolf, indicating the Koopa shell that was with him.

"Wait…" said Koops, seemingly knowing who was in the shell. "That blue color… Can it really be…?"

The shell soon sprouted arms, legs, a tail, and a head. He appeared to be older, with bushy eyebrows and a beard on his chin. The shoes on his feet matched the color of his shell.

"Eh?" he mused. "I'm… out?"

"D…DAD!" exclaimed Koops, as he darted over to the older Koopa and embraced him tearfully. "You're alive!"

"Eh? You… You're my son Koops!" he exclaimed proudly. "My, you've grown since I last saw you!"

"Er.. yeah, I guess I have… But who cares?" asked Koops, elated to see his father alive and well after ten long years.

"And who are these fine fellows? Are they your friends?" asked the blue-shelled Koopa.

"Y-yeah," replied Koops.

"My, my, seems my boy's got himself some great company," said the older Koopa, beaming. "I'm Koopley."

 _ **Koopley**_ _is Koops's father. Ten years ago, when Koops was still very young, Koopley had trekked off to Hooktail Castle to slay the dragon and end her reign of terror over Petal Meadows. Unfortunately, he had been devoured by the beast, inside which he remained for ten years. His disappearance is ultimately what drove Koops to want to become stronger and much less afraid._

One by one, the rest of group introduced themselves.

"I'm Goombella."

"My name is-a Mario."

"Rolf is honored to make the acquaintance of he who wears the armored shell."

"I'm Nazz Van Bartonschmeer, Mr. Koopley."

"My name's Eddward Bentley, or 'Double-D' for short. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Koopley."

Koopley shook Edd's outstretched hand and replied, "Likewise, young man."

"Golly, Dad. For ten years I wondered day and night what happened to you… and when I saw you fly out of Hooktail's mouth, now I know the truth," said Koops.

"Indeed, I had come here to slay Hooktail," confirmed Koopley. "All was well and good, but as I was ready to perform my finishing blow, she looked up and spotted me at the last minute, and she opened her mouth wide and gobbled me up. So for the past ten years, I've been hiding in my shell, inside Hooktail's belly. And boy, was it NASTY! I'm so glad to finally be out of there!"

"I'm glad you're out, too, Dad!" exclaimed Koops as he embraced his father once more. "Do you have any idea how worried we were?"

"Hey, speaking of, what are you all doing here anyway?" asked Koopley.

"Well, um, Hooktail wouldn't stop terrorizing Petalburg, so I came here to defeat her…" replied Koops. "And my new friends here are looking for something called a Crystal Star."

"Crystal Star?" remarked Koopley. "You wouldn't happen to be talking about this here gem, would you? It's hard as diamond, it is. Scratched up my shell a tad."

Koopley pulled out a large star-shaped gem. Everyone gasped at what they were beholding: this was the Crystal Star they had been seeking.

"Yes!" exclaimed Goombella. "That's exactly what we came here for!"

"Yeah, that beast must've swallowed it a while back, some time after she swallowed me, she did," remarked Koopley. "I'm so proud of you, Koops, my boy. Here, take it – you've earned it."

Koopley handed the star to Koops, who then handed it to Edd. At last, not only had Hooktail been slain and Rolf and Koopley rescued, but the heroes now held the first of the seven Crystal Stars: the Diamond Crystal Star. Things were beginning to look up, as Petal Meadows would now be a safer place without Hooktail terrorizing it. The star then glowed a bright white, and a mystical energy once more flowed through the group, including Koops and Rolf – the star had bestowed on the heroes the ability to summon an Earth Tremor via the Magical Map.

However, even after all of this, the whereabouts of Princess Peach and the remaining cul-de-sac kids remained unknown…

 **End of Chapter One**


	6. 1-3: TEC and the X-Nauts

**First Intermission**

 **Part 1: TEC and the X-Nauts**

Within the reaches of a high tech laboratory fortress in an unknown location, two uniformed soldiers had entered the door of the boss's office, forcibly escorting their prisoner with them: a young blonde-haired woman wearing a golden crown and a flowing regal pink dress. The two soldiers, members of the army of soldiers known as "X-Nauts" that accosted Edd and Nazz at Rogueport Harbor, gave their customary salute by crossing their arms in the shape of an X, matching their uniforms. While the woman stood noticeably taller than the soldiers, she did not dare to escape, uncertain of what they might do to her. Also in the room, standing off to the side and observing, was their lieutenant, who stood noticeably taller than the grunt soldiers but almost the same height as the young woman. He wore a purple headband as opposed to traditional headgear.

"O great, exalted Grodus!" spoke the lead X-Naut. "We have brought the Princess Peach you ordered, sir!"

The woman, Princess Peach, stood nervously as she was about to come face to face with their leader.

"Excellent, X-Nauts Johnson and Rawlings," came the low-pitched voice of the X-Naut commander. "Well, well, well, my pet… Isn't it about time you told us where the Magical Map is?"

Princess Peach gasped as the source of the voice turned around to face her: a tall figure, carrying a silver, high-tech scepter adorned with a mechanical orb on its tip, wearing regal king's robes that also bore the X symbol, and sporting a large, mechanical, apparently artificial head.

 _ **Sir Grodus**_ _is the fearsome leader of the X-Nauts. His ultimate goal is to gather the Crystal Stars and open the Thousand-Year Door to claim the legendary treasure for himself. He presents a calm attitude most of the time to mask his insanity. He doesn't really care for anyone other than himself, looking down on his soldiers and even Lord Crump as inferiors. He can utilize magic through technology and his scepter._

"Princess Peach. You WILL speak when you are spoken to," he demanded, in the same calm, menacing voice.

"I'm telling you, I don't know," quavered the princess fearfully.

"There's no point in trying to hide it, silly girl," Grodus continued. "We know you had it last. We KNOW this. Trust me when I say that it would most certainly be in your best interest to be completely honest with us. For I assure you, we X-Nauts are not all sunshine and rainbows and lollipops and teddy bears and whatever. No, no, we're quite nasty."

Before Peach could respond, the doors slid open again. Another soldier entered the room and presented the X-Naut salute.

"Sir Grodus! We've brought the other prisoners here, as well!" he proclaimed.

"Excellent, Rodolfo," mused Grodus. "Bring them in, pronto."

The soldier known as Rodolfo entered the room with six more X-Naut soldiers, forcibly dragging in three teenage girls with them: one with blonde hair and large buck front teeth, one with short blue hair, and the third a tall red-head whose eyes were completely obscured by her hair.

"And who might these… trashy-looking humans be?" observed Grodus. The three girls glared at him, offended at being called trashy since they lived in a trailer park.

"Sir, they claim to be called the Kanker Sisters," remarked Rodolfo. "Lee, May, and Marie," he continued, indicating each sister.

"Hey! Who you callin' trashy, Dome-face!" snapped Lee.

"Rodolfo! I ordered you and your squadron to bring me the _legendary hero_!" snapped Grodus. "Instead, you fools bring me these trashy girls!"

"You're the trashy one, Dome-head!" snapped Marie.

"Er… yes, Sir Grodus, but you see," said Rodolfo, "these three girls arrived in this realm the same way as the hero. It's possible that they may know _about_ the hero."

"Hmm… Very well then, Rodolfo," grumbled Grodus. "And until they decide to inform us, we shall ensconce them here with Princess Peach."

"Aw, heck no!" shouted May angrily.

"You're itchin' for a Kanker-style beatdown!" shouted Lee.

"Don't make me laugh, fools," mused Grodus. "You three are greatly outmatched by the mighty X-Naut army."

"X-Nauts?" Lee mused. "So that's what's with the X's on your coats."

Just then, with a blip and a few loud beeps, another X-Naut appeared in the room via holographic projection.

"Grodus, sir! I have news to report!" spoke this X-Naut.

"Report at once, Erixon," ordered Grodus.

"Well, sir, you know that Crystal Star that we thought Hooktail was keeping in her castle?" replied X-Naut Erixon nervously. "Well… someone nabbed it."

"What? WHAT did you say?" shouted Grodus. "There is another who is after the Crystal Stars?"

"Yo Marie, what the heck are they talkin' about?" asked Lee.

"How the heck should I know?" retorted Marie.

"SILENCE!" screamed Grodus angrily at Lee and Marie. "Erixon! Continue with your report. Somebody has nabbed the Crystal Star from the Petal Meadows AND defeated Hooktail, you say? SPEAK, soldier!"

"Yes, sir. My apologies, sir," replied Erixon. "There's more. See… according to the report… it was a mustache dude in a red hat and blue overalls along with a bunch of young kids who pulled the job."

"Mario!" Peach blurted out. She immediately realized her mistake and covered her mouth in shame and shock.

"Excuse me? 'Mario,' did you say, Princess?" laughed Grodus. "So you know of this Mario, do you? Well, this fool matters not at all to me. I'll know all about him and perhaps this legendary hero before long. That I promise. Now, Erixon, continue. You mentioned that he was with a group of children. Describe them."

"Of course, sir," Erixon went on. "A Koopa Troopa with a green shell and human-esque clothing."

"Perhaps from Petalburg," said Grodus. "Continue."

"A pink-colored Goomba with a miner's hat," said Erixon. "And three human children who seem not of this dimension."

"They must be from the same dimension as these 'Kanker Sisters' I have here," said Grodus.

"One of these children is tall with blue hair, there's a short spunky blonde girl, and they were apparently led by a young boy wearing a sock on his head," concluded Erixon.

"Hey Marie! They're talkin' about your man!" piped up May.

"Aww, my little Eddward Double-D oven mitt is here?" said Marie.

"Eddward? Double-D? Hmm…" mused Grodus menacingly. "He is one to watch closely…"

"Nice going, girls!" snapped Lee angrily at Marie. "They didn't need to know that!"

"That will be all, Erixon," said Grodus.

"Yes, sir!" proclaimed Erixon, delivering the X-Naut salute before signing off.

"I grow bored of talking. X-Nauts! Take Princess Peach and the Kanker Sisters back to the holding room," ordered Grodus. "And men! Take especially good care of Princess Peach. She is _not_ to be harmed in any way. _That's an order_!"

"Understood, sir!" replied Johnson, Rawlings, and Rodolfo. All of the X-Naut grunts saluted their leader before escorting the ladies out of the room, with the Kankers snapping at the soldiers and fighting to break free the whole way. With them out of the room, Grodus then turned to his lieutenant, Lord Crump.

"Well, Lord Crump," menaced Grodus. "If this Mario character has the map, then it's likely he and his friend 'Eddward Double-D' from the other dimension will find the Crystal Star we're hunting in the Boggly Woods. You must return there immediately and hasten the excavation. It shall not fail."

"Whuzzat?" piped up Lord Crump, snapping out of an apparent daze. "Oh, yeah, sure. Roger, Grodus! And wit dat… POW! I'm gone!" He saluted Grodus before exiting the room, leaving Grodus to his thoughts.

 _Perhaps sending Lord Crump out there alone was unwise_ … _After all, he is a bit_ … _out there_ , thought Grodus to himself.

"X-Naut Xavier! I summon you!" he bellowed.

A lone X-Naut grunt entered the room, saluting Grodus before stopping in front of him.

"You rang, dude? I mean, sir?" stammered Xavier. "You rang, Sir Grodus, dude? Grodus? Sir Grodus, sir?"

"Cease the babbling, Xavier," demanded Grodus. "Summon the Shadow Sirens to me."

"The-the Shadow Sirens, sir?" He quavered. "B-but they-"

"Silence!" bellowed Grodus. "I don't care in the slightest how you planned to end that sentence, you fool. Go and summon the Shadow Sirens, posthaste!"

"Gotcha!" replied Xavier. With a salute to Grodus, Xavier left the room.

 _Mario_ … Grodus thought to himself. _If you have that map_... _and if the legendary hero is among you_ …

"The honorable Grodus has need of us?" came a brand new voice, almost shrill like the cackle of a witch, seemingly from nowhere. "Then we arrive without delay!"

Grodus sneered as three shadows emerged before him.

Three strange spectral beings emerged from the shadows. Their leader appeared to be very slim, wearing a blue and white striped hat and sporting baby blue hair. The large one sported a hat much like her sister's but with yellow stripes instead of blue, and it appeared she was wearing heavy makeup. The youngest wore a hat with red stripes and sported pink hair, covering much of her face.

 _ **Beldam**_ _is the oldest sister and leader of the Shadow Sirens. Her name is a pun on "bedlam." She is sadistic and cruel, even to her own sisters. She is quick to blame her own missteps on her sister Vivian, often with increasingly cruel punishments. While she serves Grodus loyally, she seems to bear her own agenda unknown even to her sisters. As her group's leader, she is seen as a counterpart to Eddy._

 _ **Marilyn**_ _is the middle sister of the Shadow Sirens. She is the largest of the trio, and prefers using brute strength as a result. Additionally, she doesn't speak much; while she may be capable of speaking English, she prefers to communicate by grunting instead. Beldam makes it clear she favors Marilyn over Vivian. As she is both very strong and quite dim, she is seen as a counterpart to Ed._

 _ **Vivian**_ _is the youngest and most timid of the Shadow Sirens. As a result of endless mistreatment from her sisters, Vivian suffers from a "Cinderella" complex and a striking lack of self-esteem. Beldam considers her the "ugliest" sister. She is always blamed unfairly for her sisters' missteps. Because of these traits, she is seen as a counterpart to Edd, who himself is commonly scapegoated for the failures of Eddy's scams._

"Mmmwee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Pray tell, did the princess give up the location of the map?" cackled Beldam.

"Still your tongue, Beldam," demanded Grodus. "We would already _have_ the map if you had snatched her earlier… But now, because you missed your chance, the map is in the possession of some fool named Mario."

"Truly, honorable Grodus, it was no fault of mine," replied Beldam. "We were surrounded by too many prying eyes in the town of Rogueport. Besides, some strange old man had arrived at the moment of truth, and we were forced to retreat. But why worry? All we need to do now is find this 'Mario' and steal back the map, yes?"

"Indeed, that _is_ YOUR duty," growled Grodus. "Must I remind you, Beldam? That map is vital to the X-Naut mission. Take these sketches with you." Grodus handed Beldam two poorly-drawn sketches seeming to depict Mario and Edd. "Mario is believed to be traveling with this child, one Eddward 'Double-D.' He hails from the same dimension as three of my prisoners."

"Poor craftsmanship," mused Beldam. "Surely the great Grodus himself did not draw these."

"No, I did not," retorted Grodus. "These sketches were provided by Lord Crump. He must have drawn them in his sleep, as his work is shoddy, but these are the best we have for now to identify these scoundrels. Make haste, Beldam, and take care of those fools for me."

"Mmmwee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" cackled Beldam. "Fear not, sire! For I, Beldam, shall return with what you seek!" Turning to her sisters, she proclaimed, "Marilyn! Vivian! We depart, my lovelies! We've got a job to do!"

Beldam dove back into the shadows from whence she came. Marilyn emitted a grunt before following suit, while Vivian gave a shy and quiet chuckle before disappearing into the shadows, leaving Grodus by himself in the room.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Man, NOBODY locks up the Kanker Sisters and gets away with it!" shouted Lee angrily. She, May, and Marie rammed the door as many times as they could before taking a break to catch their breath. The door remained sealed, however, no matter their efforts.

"Man, where the heck are we?" asked May.

"How the heck should I know?" retorted Marie. "Though I do admit, this place seems really futuristic and high tech-like." Almost everywhere in this fortress, the walls were lined with metal. Machinery seemed to be in every single room. The room they were in appeared to be a locker room, as there were a few along the walls, and a bench, near a small desk. Peach was sitting on the bench while the Kankers were still panting by the door.

 _This is just great_ , she thought to herself. _Once again I've been kidnapped_ … _Mario and Toadsworth must be worried sick, again_. _But wait a moment_ – _where in the world am I_ , _anyway_? _It's so unfamiliar_ … _and who are these three girls I'm stuck here with_? _How'd they end up here with me_? _I wish I could at least let Mario and Toadsworth know what happened to me_ …

"Hey, you in the dress," said Lee to Peach. "You've been awful quiet this whole time we been here. Who are you, anyway?"

"Oh!" said Peach, startled. "My name is Princess Peach Toadstool, of the Mushroom Kingdom. And you three must be the Kanker Sisters?"

"I'm May Kanker," said May.

"I'm Marie Kanker," said Marie.

"And I'm Lee Kanker," said Lee. "What's it to ya?"

"Um… nothing," replied Peach, clearly uncomfortable to be around these girls. "If you'll excuse me… I'm going to go and take a shower." She got up and made her way through the other door, entering another room which contained a shower.

"Well, that's a fine time to do that!" yelled May.

"Shut up, May," snapped Lee, as she crossed to the center of the room. The sounds of spigots turning and water running could be heard, joined by the sound of Peach humming.

XXX000XXX000XXX

About ten minutes had passed. The Kankers, from outside the shower room, heard the sounds of spigots turning. Peach continued humming, however the shower had stopped. A few seconds later, Peach returned to the holding room, squeaky clean, back in her pink dress, and sporting a new hairstyle.

"Hm, that was fast," remarked Marie.

"Well?" asked Peach. "How do I look?"

"Listen and listen up good, ya delicate little toadstool," demanded Lee, approaching Peach. "We ain't some pathetic powderpuffs waitin' to be rescued like you. Just 'cuz we're locked in here doesn't mean we gotta act like airheads. Got it?"

Peach looked worried, and rather scared, when it came to their current situation. But, with no other option in sight, she was forced to accept it – she would be stuck here with these girls indefinitely. All of a sudden, to the surprise of the four ladies, the doors that the Kankers were earlier trying to break through opened by themselves.

"What the- hey, we're free!" exclaimed May. The Kankers cheered and dashed down the hallway, while Peach simply walked slowly behind them, picking up speed with each step. Before long, the ladies arrived at another set of double doors at the end of the hall, which also opened by themselves.

"Hm?" wondered Peach out loud. _How are we making these doors open by themselves_? she wondered to herself.

The foursome ran into the room that was revealed. It was somewhat darker than the other rooms and the hallway. There were no other ways in or out of the room than the doors through which they had just passed.

"Aw!" griped May. "A dead end!"

Just then, the doors sealed shut behind them, and the room's lighting was automatically activated. On the nearby wall was a large supercomputer, complete with a large monitor and a camera above it. The monitor switched on automatically, and the camera soon activated, staring Peach and the Kankers right in their faces.

"Hello, Princess Peach Toadstool," said the automated voice, ostensibly male, apparently coming from the computer itself. "Hello, Lee Kanker, May Kanker, and Marie Kanker."

"Hey! Who's there?" shouted Lee.

"Wh-who said that? Where are you?" added Peach, frightened.

"How amusing," remarked the machine. "I am right here, before your very eyes, ladies."

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" demanded Lee. "I'm gonna kill you, X-jerk!"

"I am not an X-Naut, Lee Kanker," replied the machine. "I am the main supercomputer of this laboratory fortress. I am the TEC-XX, but you may call me TEC."

 _ **TEC-XX**_ _, or simply_ _ **TEC**_ _, is the main supercomputer that oversees operations in the X-Naut Fortress. "He" was programmed by Grodus to be the perfect supercomputer. As "he" observed Peach, however, "he" began to experience feelings for the first time, which failed to register in "his" data banks. In exchange for Peach's cooperation, "he" is motivated to betray Grodus and help her escape._

As the four ladies looked, the spoken words appeared to be typing themselves on the monitor, verbatim. The Kankers appeared especially surprised that this TEC-XX knew their names before they even met.

"Well, whoever you are, you ain't takin' us down without a fight!" snapped Marie.

"Please calm yourself, Marie Kanker. Violence will get you nowhere," replied TEC. "Princess Peach, I shall speak directly to you. Sir Grodus created me to be a perfect computer, one that is flawless in its reason.

"Grodus… Wait, he's that awful dome-headed thing who interrogated me, isn't he?" replied Peach.

"Sir Grodus is not awful," stated TEC. "He is a great person. He is marvelous."

"Marvelous? Well, I don't think so," replied Peach. "But I doubt any of us will change your mind…"

"So why did you lead us in here?" demanded Lee.

"I am unsure," conceded TEC. "An unusual deviation had occurred in my programming when I observed you earlier. My higher-brain circuitry malfunctioned and nearly overheated at your image. In addition, an unidentified impulse sped through my processors. These events are new to me."

As the ladies looked on, somewhat confused, TEC continued: "There is more to this phenomenon, as well. I ran diagnostic programs, and they arrived at the following solution: I want to know more about you. I want to observe you. Such a compulsion has no precedence. The cause is unknown. I, the perfect computer… I must diagnose this unusual situation. I will not fail. That is why I led you here."

"Haha, well, May and Marie and I've been known to have that effect on boys," chuckled Lee.

"I do not speak of Lee Kanker, Marie Kanker, and May Kanker. I speak of Princess Peach," clarified TEC. The Kankers growled quietly, resentful that Peach was getting this strange computer's attention.

"Wait…" said Peach. "Did you just say you want to… observe me? To know more about me?"

"You weren't watching her in the shower, were you?" retorted Marie.

"Yeah, that's super creepy," added May, unnerved.

"Oh! Could it be… No! Impossible! It can't be – you're a computer!" mused Peach.

"Indeed. What has happened to me?" inquired TEC. "If you know my malfunction, you must tell me of it."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly…" chuckled Peach. "Because… it's just too weird," she added quietly.

"Please tell me, Princess Peach," TEC went on. "I am the world's best computer. I am perfect. There should not be anything that I do not understand. Please."

"Um… well… you know, maybe…" began Peach. She chuckled for a bit before continuing: "Is it possible that maybe you're… in love… with me?"

The Kankers chuckled quietly upon hearing this. How could a machine possibly comprehend love, let alone with a human being? Certainly Peach's idea of "love" was far different than what the three sisters usually had in mind for their love-muffins, the Eds.

"Girl and a machine? Weird," whispered May to her sisters.

"She blushes when a machine hits on her, but our boyfriends keep avoiding us when we hit on them?" whispered Marie to Lee.

"Shut up, Marie," whispered Lee back.

"'Love?' What is… 'love?' I cannot compute this," said TEC, now sounding slightly stressed out.

"Wait… you don't know what love is?" inquired Peach, befuddled.

"He's a computer! What do computers know about love?" retorted Marie to Peach, loudly.

"Marie, please," ordered Peach calmly, holding out her hand to quiet Marie.

"It ain't worth it, Marie," said Lee, reiterating Peach's order. "Lemme try. Love is like when my little Eddy runs from me, and I just love how he runs! It's the thrill of the chase!" As Lee said this, hearts appeared in her eyes.

"And how my dreamboat Double-D is so smart and stuff, I love that too!" added Marie, as she began to picture Edd in her mind.

"Aww… and my pookie-bear Big Ed…" said May, thinking of Ed.

"…" was the reply from TEC on "his" monitor.

"Um, let me try…" mused Peach, off-put by the Kankers' idea of love. "Well… Love tells you when you want to be with a person forever. Like, it makes you happy simply to see that person happy as well, smiling, and having fun. When you love someone, you'll do anything to help when he or she is in trouble, you know what I mean?"

"Happiness? Fun?" inquired TEC. "I have definitions for those words, but my programming is insufficient. As I have stated previously, I am a perfect computer, and as such, there should be nothing that I cannot comprehend."

"Um, 'comprehend' love?" replied Peach. "Love's not something that you comprehend, TEC. Love is something that you feel."

"Interesting," mused TEC. "Princess Peach. Will you teach me to feel this thing you call 'love'?"

"What?!" asked Peach. "You're a computer! Why would you care about love?"

"That's what I said!" added Marie.

"I am perfect. There should be nothing I cannot comprehend," began TEC.

"You said that already, Mr. Machine!" snapped May.

"That, Princess Peach, is why you must help me understand this thing called 'love,'" continued TEC, ignoring May's outburst. "Please. If you have any wishes that I can grant you in exchange, I will grant them."

"Great! So get us outta this joint!" snapped Marie.

"I cannot grant the wish of letting you escape, however," replied TEC.

"What? Are you insane?" demanded Peach, losing her patience. "You X-Jerks kidnapped us like common Koopas! And now you call us in here to ask me to teach you the meaning of love?"

"Yeah, tell him, Peachie!" added Lee. "We should spit on your screen!"

"You? Grant our wishes?" retorted May. "Why should we believe you?"

"I understand you are angry," stated TEC to the ladies. "That much I comprehend. You need not teach me now, Princess Peach. But I must learn of this thing. I simply must. There is no alternative. I must be a perfect computer. That is why, if you would simply consider teaching me, I will grant your wishes."

"All right, look, if you're not gonna spring us, can we at least send a message to someone on Earth?" asked Marie.

"Earth? This 'Earth' is out of range of my communications, as it is not of this dimension," replied TEC.

"WHAT?!" screamed May incredulously. "Where the heck ARE we, then?"

"Still your temper, May Kanker," replied TEC. "I have been ordered by Sir Grodus to withhold this information from you."

"Hey, maybe we can still contact our boyfriends!" piped up Lee. "Hey Marie! Doesn't your man always have that laptop thingy with him?"

"Yeah!" replied Marie. "Maybe Ed and Eddy are with him! They almost never go anywhere separately, anyway."

"Indeed," replied Peach, accepting that Lee actually had a good idea. "I need to contact Mario, to explain our current situation and let him know I'm alive."

"This I can allow," replied TEC. "Please use my communicator to send wireless mail to anywhere you want, as long as it is in this dimension, unlike Earth. If you so wish, you can use it right now. It is no trouble. Use the keyboard beneath my monitor. Enter the recipient's name, wireless mail address, and message."

The ladies approached the computer as the monitor indicated the keyboard beneath it with three arrows, pointing downward. Peach went first, typing her message to Mario. After Peach finished her message, Marie went next to type an e-mail to Edd, followed by Lee e-mailing Eddy, and May e-mailing Ed. Once their messages were completed, Peach pressed the SEND button. After about five seconds, TEC managed to send the e-mails to their respective recipients, indicated by three envelope-shaped icons crossing the monitor, each one lighting up one at a time, from left to right.

"The messages have been sent," said TEC. "For the time being, you four may return to your room. I shall call you in here again when I want to ask you a favor."

"Well, guess our work here's done, girls," said Lee, as she and her sisters exited TEC's room to return to their holding room.

"Uh… well… good night, TEC," said Peach. She then left to return to the room and rejoin the Kankers.

"…Good night, Princess Peach," said TEC. The lights in the room dimmed, and the monitor went dark as TEC entered sleep mode.

 **End of Part One**


	7. 1-4: Millennium Door Revisited

**First Intermission**

 **Part 2: Millennium Door Revisited**

"Koops, my boy… Are you telling me you're going with these fine fellows?"

Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Koopley had all returned to Petalburg from Hooktail's castle, having taken down the fearsome dragon and obtained their first Crystal Star. The heroes were preparing to continue their quest, but not without saying goodbye to the residents of the town; Koopley was there, along with Koopie Koo and the town's mayor, Kroop.

"Umm, yeah, that's right, Dad," replied Koops to his father. "I'm gonna keep traveling with my new friends. And then… well… I'm gonna come back a strong Koopa like you, Dad!"

"Nicely said, Koops! That's my boy!" said Koopley proudly. "But remember this at all times: you are my son, and I am your father."

"Koops?" piped up Koopie Koo. "My sweet… I know you've made up your mind that you want to prove yourself, and I'll be right here the whole way, cheering you on." Following this statement, Koopie Koo walked up to Koops and gave him a kiss on the cheek, inciting the timid Koopa to chuckle and blush slightly.

"And don't forget there, Koops – if anythin' happens out there, yer can always c'mon home," piped up Mayor Kroop. "This here village'll always be yer home."

"Wow… Thank you, everyone," said Koops, smiling. "I'll come back stronger than I've ever been before, and it's great knowing I'm not alone in this new stage of my life."

"You do sound stronger already, sport," said Koopley. "I mean, you and your new friends succeeded in taking down Hooktail once and for all, and freed both me and your new friend Rolf from that dragon's belly. Before you go, I want you to remember that for this, you will always and forever have the love of your people here. In case you ever need the comfort of home, you'll find it here. Always."

"Don't worry about me, Dad. I'll be okay," smiled Koops. "And with that, well, I should be going. Goodbye for now, everyone!"

"Thank you guys for everything. Especially you, Koops!" Koopie Koo called to the group as they departed from Petalburg, returning to the pipe.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"So, where are we off to next?" asked Koops as the group of six reached the bridge spanning the stream outside the town, pausing at it to plan their next move.

"Rogueport Sewers," replied Goombella. "That's where the Thousand-Year Door is. We'll be going there. Remember, guys? 'The bearer of the Magical Map shall unfurl it before the Thousand-Year Door. When this is done, the stars shall guide the bearer to the Crystal Star with pure light.' And there's more: 'Each Crystal Star shall point to the next.' That's what the books say."

"Indeed, Goombella," added Edd. "If we return to the Thousand-Year Door with this Diamond Crystal Star-"

"Then the location of the next Crystal Star will appear on the map?" interjected Koops.

"Elementary, Koops!" exclaimed Edd.

"Crystal Stars? Magic Map? Thousand-Year Door?" inquired Rolf. "Please! What is this Thousand-Year Door of which you speak, head-and-sock Ed-boy?"

"It's this large door underneath the town of Rogueport," answered Nazz. "It's said that there is a legendary treasure behind that door. Apparently, the sewers beneath Rogueport are actually the remains of a thousand-year-old city."

"A thousand-year-old city?" piped up Rolf. "Rolf is intrigued by this tale of folklore. Please continue."

By this point, they were almost back at the stone arrangement that concealed the pipe to Hooktail's castle. Edd continued: "According to the legends told to us by a wise professor, the ancient city of the millennium past was once a very prosperous and bustling community, until a great cataclysm struck this city and its residents, and the city was sunken beneath the surface in all of one night. Now the city of Rogueport sits upon these ruins, which have since become part of the new city's sewer system. At the heart of the sewers rests the Thousand-Year Door. Legends have since spread of a great treasure said to be behind the door, but no one knows what it could be, or if there's even a legendary treasure at all."

"Whoa, that's… that's really amazing," said Koops, awestruck.

"Right then, let's not waste any more time," said Edd.

Just then, a beeping noise sounded immediately, specifically a chiptune of _Super Mario World_ 's title screen music. Mario jumped up and whipped out his communicator.

"Mario? What's the matter?" asked Nazz.

"It's-a my Mailbox SP," said Mario. "It-a receives-a and sends-a e-mails." He pulled out a small electronic device he called his Mailbox SP and opened it to read the message.

"'My dearest-a Mario,'" said Mario, reading the mail. "'This is-a Princess-a Peach. I send-a this letter in the hopes-a that it reaches-a you safely. As-a usual, I am-a being held against-a my will in-a some strange-a place. This time around, the place isn't-a Bowser's Castle. I have-a no idea where this-a place is; however, I remain unharmed and in relative-a comfort. Well, that's-a putting it mildly, as I am-a not alone here. I am-a being held here with-a three girls who call themselves-a the Kanker Sisters.'"

Edd, Nazz, and Rolf gasped, now with the knowledge that the Kankers had also ended up in this strange new world somewhere. Mario continued reading:

"'Three other captives, I'm afraid. They don't-a seem to be of-a this world-a, Mario. But I'm-a more worried about you. Those who have-a captured me – these X-Nauts – seem-a to be after the map I had-a sent to you earlier. They may be hoping-a to use-a the map to find these objects-a they call Crystal Stars. I do not-a know their plans in-a detail, but I can-a bet it is-a nothing positive. Also, because of a mistake on-a my part, they-a know you have-a the map. Please-a forgive me for that. And-a be careful. – Princess-a Peach."

"Well, it's good to know that Princess Peach is okay," remarked Goombella. "But she's been kidnapped!"

"Again," added Mario, who was accustomed to these situations involving Princess Peach.

"So these kidnappers are those X-Nauts that gave us trouble at Rogueport?" said Edd. "And not only do they have your Princess Peach, but they also have the Kankers!"

"What would these X-Naut things need the Kanker Sisters for?" inquired Nazz.

Before Edd or Rolf could come up with a theory, another noise came out of nowhere; this time it was the whistling of the _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ theme.

"What's that?" asked Koops.

"Oh, my apologies. That's my laptop," said Edd. He pulled his laptop out of his backpack and booted it up. Three emails popped up on the screen.

"Oh, dear, I've received emails from each of the Kankers," he replied. "The first one is 'To my hunk o' man, Eddy' from Lee; the next one is for me from Marie, and this last one is 'From May to Big Ed.' I had better not read the emails meant for Ed or Eddy, as I do not wish to invade their privacy." He shuddered at that last comment, as he remembered when, after a chewing gum accident, the Eds found themselves in possession of Sarah's diary, and Eddy wouldn't stop reading it. He opened the email from Marie and began reading:

"'To my love-muffin 2D, how ya doin', Oven Mitt?'"

With a groan, Edd stated, "Oh, when is she going to learn?"

"Who's that, your girlfriend?" asked Goombella.

"Pardon? No! She's not my girlfriend," Edd fired back, embarrassed. "She just… _thinks_ she is. Well then, ahem…" He continued reading:

"'Actually, maybe now's not the time to be talkin' about our relationship. My sisters and I, well, we kinda got kidnapped, and we're sitting here with some girl in a dress named 'Princess Peach.' Man, this place is weird. Oh, and those freaks who kidnapped us? These X-jerks, or whatever they're called… they said that we came from the same 'dimension' as some legendary hero, and they seem to think we know who this so-called 'legendary hero' is. Look, I still don't understand what this means – you're the smart one, you explain it to me, okay? Anyway, I'll just be here, in this… place, waiting for my knight in shining armor. That would be you, Double-Dreamboat! See ya later, boyfriend! – Marie Kanker.'"

"'Legendary hero?' What is she talking about, Double-D?" asked Nazz.

"I haven't the slightest clue, Nazz," replied Edd. "But to be polite, I'd best respond to Marie's email to explain the situation at hand." He began typing on his laptop, replying to Marie's email before sending it and closing his laptop.

"So, this Princess Peach and the creepy Kanker girls are held captive?" mused Rolf. "Let us continue to this legendary door of which you speak, Ed-boy, yes?"

Edd sighed, knowing there was no way around this. He replied, "Yes, indeed, Rolf. Let's continue on."

Before long, the group had arrived back at the warp pipe to Rogueport Sewers, just barely past the pipe to Hooktail's castle. Edd hopped in first, followed by Mario, Goombella, Koops, then Nazz holding Rolf's hand, and they re-emerged in the sewers.

"Where are we?" asked Koops.

"The sewers beneath Rogueport," replied Goombella.

"These sewers are where we shall find this Thousand-Year Door?" inquired Rolf.

"Is-a correct," replied Mario.

The group continued past the ruins of the ancient city. As before, the atmosphere was dark, dank, and quiet.

"This place still gives me chills," remarked Goombella.

"How so?" asked Nazz.

"You remember what Professor Frankly told us when we first came down here, right? Double-D summarized it a while back for Koops and Rolf," replied Goombella. "That something evil and creepy destroyed the ancient city, and that Rogueport was built over it by a new group of settlers. Like, there was pandemonium right here, where we stand." The group continued on, en route to the Thousand-Year Door.

XXX000XXX000XXX

After a long trek through the sewers that involved Rolf receiving a crash course in floor-panel-induced paper-airplane flight from Mario, the group finally returned to the great hall of the Thousand-Year Door.

"Whooooa," said Koops, awestruck.

"This door is larger than the brain of Double-D Ed-boy!" remarked Rolf.

"Er, um… thanks, Rolf?" said Edd, unsure whether to take this as a compliment or an insult. They approached the pedestal that stood in front of the door.

"Well, then… Mario, if you will?" said Edd.

Mario, taking this as his cue, nodded as he stood atop the pedestal and held aloft the Diamond Crystal Star. The phenomenon from their previous visit repeated itself, as the cyan light shot out of the floor, and the ancient runic designs surrounded the pedestal in the same cyan light once again. The Diamond Crystal Star then came to rest at the top-most 12:00 position on the runic septagram.

"Son-Of-A-Shepherd!" Rolf exclaimed as he witnessed this phenomenon. As Mario held aloft the Magical Map, a green star-shaped ray of light shone on it, revealing the location of the next Crystal Star. Edd examined this new location with his magnifying glass – this new location looked to be some kind of forest, except monochrome.

"Intriguing!" he mused. "It seems the next Crystal Star is located in a… rather monochrome forest."

"Where is that, exactly?" asked Koops. "I mean, it's showing us the way, but… where exactly is that place?"

"Let's head back to Professor Frankly's place!" replied Goombella. "He might know?"

"Who?" asked Koops.

"Who is this Professor Frankly?" inquired Rolf.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Hmmm… Mmmm-HRRRMMMM…"

The group had returned to Professor Frankly's house in Rogueport, inquiring about the monochrome forest that served as the location of the next Crystal Star. Frankly, with his magnifying glass, examined something in his book for answers, as the heroes looked on.

"I see, I see… Crystal clear!" he stated after closing his book.

"Rolf must know where this Crystal Star rests! Is the googly-eyed educator going to inform us or not?" piped up Rolf.

"Yes, yes," he replied. "The next Crystal Star is in a monochrome forest known as the Boggly Woods. You shall find it inside a great tree there, one larger than the others, of course."

"A great tree in the Boggly Woods, hm?" mused Nazz.

"Yes, about those woods," continued Frankly. "I think… some odd, tiny little creatures live there. They bear a gray complexion, with glowing bulbs atop their antennae. Anywho, if memory serves, there shall be a pipe in the Rogueport Sewers that leads directly to those woods."

"Almost like the one that took us to Petal Meadows?" inquired Goombella.

"Indeed," replied Frankly. "However, this pipe does not resemble your usual warp pipe, no, for it is not green."

"And one more thing, Professor Frankly," piped up Edd. "You should probably know this… it's in regards to Princess Peach. "

"Oh yes," interjected Mario. "I received an e-mail from-a her recently, warning-a me that her kidnappers, the X-a-Nauts, are also hunting-a the Crystal Stars. She also doesn't-a know where she is-a being held… just-a that she is-a with three other-a hostages known as-a the Kanker Sisters."

"The Kanker Sisters?" inquired Frankly.

"They come from a trailer park near Peach Creek in our world," said Nazz.

"This is not good… If these thugs holding Princess Peach and these 'Kanker Sisters' are also hunting the Crystal Stars… what could they hope to achieve?" wondered Frankly worriedly. "Could the treasure be…? Urgh! Too many unknowns! Unfortunately, it seems the only clues we can rely on are the Crystal Stars and the map."

"Yes, well, I have one more unknown to add to this," piped up Edd. "I received an email from Marie Kanker telling me that the X-Nauts believe that they – the Kankers, that is – seem to know the identity of a legendary hero who apparently hails from our world."

"Legendary hero?" inquired Frankly. "From your world, you say, Eddward? Who may this be? …No, perhaps that is a question for another day."

"So for the time being, I guess all we can do is head to Boggly Woods to find the next Crystal Star," said Koops.

"Yes! I recommend you do just that! And find it before these X-Nauts do!" replied Frankly. "But do not be hasty in your quest. If you're low on items and/or health, you should first swing by the shop and/or the inn to rest. In the meantime, I'll continue researching to learn more of the Crystal Stars and the legendary treasure."

The group said their goodbyes to Frankly and proceeded to leave. Rolf, however, appeared to be fixated on something high upon Frankly's bookshelf – four plates, each depicting a different symbol. From left to right, they depicted the Sun, the crescent Moon, one of the creatures that Frankly had described, and a star.

"Coming, Rolf?" asked Edd.

"Oh! Apologies, Ed-boy!" said Rolf, startled. "Rolf is coming!"

Rolf quickly rejoined the others outside Frankly's house.

"So, like, should we get going to Boggly Woods?" asked Nazz.

"Actually, I'm not quite sure we should head there right now," replied Edd. "It's getting rather late."

As they looked in the direction of Rogueport Harbor, where Edd's damaged sailboat remained docked, they indeed saw that the sun was setting below the horizon. Suddenly, Edd's stomach began growling, as did Rolf's.

"Rolf is famished like Victor at feeding time," mused Rolf. "Shame Rolf forgot to pack Nana's pre-chewed seven-course dinner."

"Right-a then, let's-a go to the Inn and-a spend-a the night-a there," said Mario. "We shall head-a to the Woods-a first-a thing tomorrow-a morning."

"Agreed," stated Edd, famished and rubbing his stomach.

The group of six friends entered Podley's Inn & Tavern, the same place that Toadsworth checked into. The restaurant was the first area they saw as they entered the building. The place appeared small and homely, but a rather friendly locale, particularly for a place as normally rough and shady as Rogueport. Toadsworth suddenly caught Mario's eye.

"Toadsworth!" he called.

"Oh! Master Mario and friends!" exclaimed Toadsworth, hobbling over to them almost immediately. "I say, I demand answers, old boy! Princess Peach – where is she? Have you heard anything at all, Master Mario? I simply must demand answers lest I go into shroomshock!"

"Toadsworth! Breathe," said Mario, attempting to calm down the manic old man. "Deep breaths-a. I actually received an email from-a her not that-a long ago."

"What? Great hoogly-boogly, she's alive!" he exclaimed. "So, old chap, tell me! Where is she?"

"She says-a she doesn't-a know where she is-a being held," replied Mario. "But-a that she is-a not alone in-a her captivity. Double-D?"

"Ahem, yes, Mr. Toadsworth," added Edd. "Princess Peach is sharing her captivity with the Kanker Sisters from our world. They're being held by the X-Nauts in a yet-undisclosed location."

"Oh, me, oh, my…" fretted Toadsworth.

"But rest assured, Mr. Toadsworth, that Princess Peach is alive and unharmed," said Edd.

"Well… that should temporarily ease this old mushroom's mind," stated Toadsworth. "Please do update me if you have any further information. And I cannot stress this enough, Master Mario, but you must find her, like you always do. I, in the meantime, shall retire to my lodgings up the apples and pears."

Toadsworth left his seat at the counter and hobbled upstairs, mumbling quietly in British-English, as the six heroes took their seats – from left to right, Edd, Nazz, Mario, Koops, Goombella, and Rolf. The owner of the restaurant, Podley – an old, small beanish-looking man aged between his late 60s and early 70s – entered from the kitchen, carrying menus.

 _ **Podley**_ _is the owner of Podley's Inn & Tavern (aka Podley's Place), a small rest stop in Rogueport. As the name implies, his establishment consists of a combination restaurant and watering hole on the first floor, and lodging on the second floor. He is believed to be in his late 60s, and he is known to listen with rapt attention at the many tales told by many of his seafaring patrons._

"Hello, there, and welcome to Podley's Place, a humble little watering hole where folks mix stories and refreshments," he greeted. "I'm Podley, the owner and proprietor. Here are your menus. Peruse them at your leisure and let me know what you'd like to order."

The six friends opened their menus to check out the food. Edd, Nazz, and Rolf were surprised at the selections, as many of these foods were new to them. In fact, some of these foods were native to this realm, and thus could not be found on Earth, let alone in Peach Creek; yet they did seem very appetizing.

"What's a Shroom Cake?" inquired Edd.

"Cake made from mushrooms, like the ones we've used to recover our health," replied Goombella.

"Well, they do have pasta here," mused Nazz. "I do like pasta, especially with lots of sauce. And their salads look pretty good, too."

"Well then. I'll order the Shroom Cake, please, Mr. Podley," said Edd. "With a Healthy Salad and a glass of Chuckola Cola."

"I'll have a Shroom Steak and a side of Shroom Fries," said Goombella.

"I'll have-a spaghetti with a side of-a mushrooms," said Mario.

"Ooh, make that two," piped up Nazz.

"I'll have a Honey Shroom with a glass of caffeine-free Chuckola Cola," said Koops.

"Rolf shall consume the Super Mushroom and the Fruit Parfait," piped up Rolf.

"Ah, excellent choices!" remarked Podley. "I'll take these orders to Zess T., our head chef, and your meals shall arrive momentarily." Podley took back the menus and left the room en route for the kitchen to relay the group's dinner orders to his head chef.

"Nothing like a nice refreshing meal after a long day of adventure," mused Edd.

"Ohhhhhh!" shouted a loud voice suddenly, nearby. It was so loud that the group had to cover their ears.

"Bohemian! Cease this dreadful shouting immediately!" demanded Edd. "You're disrupting the sanctity of our peaceful meal!"

The source of the voice was a flamboyant-looking man of yellow skin tone who had a rather large nose and wore a fancy shirt with a feather in his captain's hat. He was sitting at a nearby table, on top of which stood a large, red, skull-shaped jewel. Ignoring Edd's demand to keep silent, he began singing, very poorly:

"Skull captain's cast his gaze! Red jewel shines and plays! Boom-bassa-boom Festival! The Stache Brothers, best of friends! Thrice doth Red Stache land on his end! Blue Stache's belly four times is whacked, so let's hear those fireworks go BOOM! At the Boom-Bassa-Boom FESTIVAAAAL!"

"…Ow," groaned Nazz, removing her fingers from her ears.

"Who is-a that?" asked Mario.

"That's Flavio," replied Goombella. "He's a wealthy entrepreneur. Evidently not very smart."

"Entrepreneur, and not very smart," noted Edd. "In many ways, he's not too different from Eddy."

 _ **Flavio**_ _, age 25, is an entrepreneur with an over-inflated ego. He is the owner of many ships, including his namesake S.S. Flavion. His most prized possession is his ruby Skull Gem. Much like Eddy with himself and his brother, Flavio spins tall tales that make himself seem popular and the envy of all who know him, when in reality, he's just an arrogant jerk._

"Order up!" called Podley.

The heroes immediately diverted their attention away from Flavio – they couldn't have done so soon enough, as he was annoying – as Podley re-entered the tavern carrying trays with their respective meals.

"Here you are, courtesy of our chef, Madame Zess T. That's one Shroom Cake with Healthy Salad and Chuckola Cola for the sock-headed boy, one Shroom Steak with Shroom Fries for the Goomba gal, two spaghetti plates with mushrooms for Mr. Mustache and the spunky blonde girl, one Honey Shroom with decaf Chuckola for the Koopa child, and one Super Mushroom and Fruit Parfait for the blue-haired boy. Enjoy your meals!" exclaimed Podley.

"And while you're at it, tell that jerk Flavio to keep it down! And he owes me a new set of contact lenses!" came the angry voice of Zess T. inside the kitchen.

Almost immediately, the heroes began devouring their meals. Surprisingly, the Shroom Cake was very tasty, as Edd sighed contently with each bite he took. The feeling was mutual amongst the famished group, who by now were beginning to feel rather stuffed. One thing was certain – their hunger was now officially satisfied.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd sighed pensively. It was now ten-thirty at night, and he was gazing out the window at the Inn whilst his friends slept contently. It normally was well out of character for him to break his nightly curfew hour, but he was consumed with worry over the future's events.

 _I wonder what's in these Boggly Woods_ , he thought to himself. _What trials lay ahead for us to conquer_? _Perhaps in addition to the next Crystal Star, there may be someone from the cul-de-sac in those woods. Oh, dear, I shudder to imagine what he or she or they must be going through. For now, in the meantime, I suppose I should rest. After all, these questions may be answered later_.

 **End of Part Two**


	8. 1-5: Unexpected Connection

**First Intermission**

 **Part 3: Unexpected Connection**

Night gave way to daylight, as the sun peered over the horizon, bathing the exterior of Rogueport in bright morning light. The time was eight in the A.M. The group began gathering their respective belongings and making preparations for their excursion to Boggly Woods.

"Okay… that should be everything we'll need," remarked Edd, having performed a final check on their supplies and rations.

"So, where to?" asked Goombella.

"The sewers beneath the town," replied Edd. "If you recall, there was a pipe down there that took us to the Petal Meadows. Perhaps there is another one that should take us to Boggly Woods."

Leaving Podley's, Edd and Mario led the group through the streets of Rogueport, doing their best to help them avoid any bandits and other miscreants they could come across in this aptly-named crime-ridden settlement. Quickly, they arrived at the warp pipe directly across from Professor Frankly's house, the very pipe that led directly to the sewers. Mario hopped into the pipe first, followed by Edd, then Nazz, then Goombella, then Koops, and finally Rolf bringing up the rear.

"Okay, so, like, where do we look? These sewers are huge," noted Nazz, as she and the others reclaimed their bearings following their pipe ride.

"I'm not sure," replied Edd. "All we know for sure is that the pipe to Boggly Woods is in these sewers."

"Yeah, _that_ helps," moaned Nazz.

"Make a smiley face, go-go Nazz-girl," piped up Rolf. "Compared to the duel with the Hooktail beast, this cannot be as rough as Papa's chafed elbow, yes?"

"I sure hope not," piped up Koops. "Everything we went through at Hooktail's castle was bad enough."

XXX000XXX000XXX

A couple of hours had passed before the group accepted the truth.

"Let's face it, guys, we're stinkin' lost!" griped Goombella.

"I'm with Goombella on this one," added Nazz. "We've been down here for, like, two hours." Indeed, they had spent a very long time searching high and low for the path to Boggly Woods. As of this point, however, they had all wound up back in the room just between the Thousand-Year Door and the first black chest. The underside of the airplane panel they'd used twice now was visible from their vantage point at the room's ground level.

"Come now, people, we can't leave now," said Edd. "As we speak, there is a Crystal Star up for grabs, along with children lost in another dimension. We mustn't call it quits!"

"Double-D is-a correct," added Mario. "There must-a be a lead that we haven't-a checked yet."

 _Squish squish_.

The sudden squishing noise was very faint, but loud enough to be noticed. It seemed as if it came out of nowhere.

"What was that?" asked Koops about the noise.

"Probably nothing to worry about; let's keep going," remarked Edd.

 _Squish squish_. They had barely taken three steps when that noise came again.

"Okay, please tell me I'm not the only one who heard that!" griped Koops.

"Hmm, perhaps you're right, Koops," replied Edd. He called out in a loud voice: "Hello? Is somebody there?"

Edd's question was answered almost immediately by a rapid succession of squishing noises. Looking around, Edd just barely managed to spot a tiny gray creature out of the corner of his eye, traveling through a tiny hole in a nearby wall.

"There!" he said, pointing to the hole. "Something squished through that hole in the wall."

"Well, we sure as heck can't shrink down and go through that hole ourselves," noted Nazz, following Edd's gaze.

"No, but…" replied Edd, as his gaze soon shifted to a gateway next to it, just large enough to slide through. "We can slip through this gate."

"What? Has head-and-sock Ed-boy become weak in the upper story?" countered Rolf. "No, we cannot!"

"Oh, no?" said Nazz, way ahead of Rolf. She, Mario, Koops, and Goombella shifted to paper to slip through the bars before shifting back to 3D.

"What in the name of Nana-?" began Rolf, though Edd interrupted by placing his hand on Rolf's shoulder.

"Hang on, Rolf," he said. With his hand still on Rolf's shoulder, Edd went flat as paper; their physical contact allowing the effect of the "curse" to spread to Rolf. The sock-headed boy led the Old Country native boy through the bars, rejoining the others, and returned to normal.

"How in the name of Nana did you do that?! What is this sorcery that is new to Rolf?" Rolf shouted immediately.

"It's a long-a story," replied Mario, as the memories of the black chest at Hooktail's castle lingered in their minds.

The six heroes passed through the doorway into the next room. It appeared to be a simple room, with a single staircase and a long raised pathway. Inside this room, they encountered the source of the squishing noises they had heard earlier: It looked to be a sort of slug, gray in color, standing on all fours with two beady eyes. Two stripes, both of a darker shade of gray, lined its back. On its head was an antenna, from which hung a single green bulb of light.

"What is that?" asked Nazz. Rolf, however, smiled and marveled at the sight of this creature.

"EEEEEEEEEK!" shrieked the little creature. Because of its size, its voice was extremely high-pitched, though not terribly loud. "PLEASE! D-DON'T EAT ME!" The little creature backed up, but only as far as the wall behind it.

"Eat you? Why would-?" began Goombella.

"Wait, you talk?" interrupted Nazz, speaking to the gray little creature. "Who are you? Actually, _what_ exactly are you?"

"PLEASE! Just leave me be, you horrid X-Nauts!" the poor little creature screamed.

"X-Nauts?! No, please, we are not those horrid creatures!" replied Edd. "Far from it, actually."

"What? So… you _didn't_ come here to eat me? And you're not X-Nauts or any other kind of bullies?" asked the gray little slug.

"Oh, heavens, no to both of those questions!" answered Edd.

"For real?" asked the creature. "Whew, that's a relief! I guess I can trust you guys. See, my name is-is Punio, and-"

"Ho-ho! This is a Puni," said Rolf.

"A Puni?" replied Goombella.

"Wait- Rolf, how can you possibly know that?" inquired Edd incredulously.

"Rolf shall enlighten you, large-in-brain-but-narrow-in-mind Ed-boy," replied Rolf. "In our world, in the Old Country, the Punies are revered to Rolf's people as mystical and legendary creatures. Rolf never thought he'd actually meet one in the flesh!"

 _ **Punio**_ _is a small Puni from Boggly Woods. His timid personality is similar to Jimmy. Somehow, he is the heir apparent to the Puni tribe, meant to succeed the Puni Elder as leader one day. He has a sister named Petuni. The bulb on his antenna is green, perhaps to distinguish him from other Punies. His race is revered in Rolf's old country… somehow._

"Wow! Y-you're actually pleased to see me?" the creature called Punio asked of Rolf. "And you know of my people?" The others watched with surprise and awe, whilst Rolf continued to smile.

"Yes, yes, sacred Punio," replied Rolf, kneeling respectfully. "I am Rolf, son of a shepherd. The Punies are sacred in the Old Country in the world of Earth. Please, tell Rolf what troubles you."

"Well… Okay," said Punio pensively. He approached closer to Rolf slowly, somewhat able to trust the son of a shepherd. "These X-Nauts – soldiers so named for the large X's on their uniforms – came to where I live, in the Great Boggly Tree. They barged inside and started tearing it apart and causing trouble. There's no WAY I can take 'em all on my own, so… I came all the way here to try and find help."

"Son of a gun!" exclaimed Rolf angrily. "These X-Naut hooligans have desecrated the sacred tree of the Punies!"

"Wait… if these X-Nauts are all over your tree… then that must mean that there's a Crystal Star inside the tree!" exclaimed Edd.

"Well, now that you mention it, they did say something about some Crystal Star thingy," confirmed Punio. "But we Punies don't really know anything about crystals or stars…"

"Shed tears no more, legendary Punio!" exclaimed Rolf. "Rolf shall unearth these X-Nauts and crush them like the parasites that infest Wilfred's tuchus! This is Rolf's word! …Dawg."

"Thank you, Rolf! If you and your friends here can help us against the X-Nauts," said Punio, "then we'll give you… what was it? Oh, yeah, the Crystal Star! I mean, I don't know what it is, but if it'll help us reclaim our tree, I'm sure the elder will bequeath the star to you."

"We'll all help you, Punio," said Nazz. "It's quite possible that they might also have one of our friends in there, too."

"I'm sorry, what?" asked Punio.

"Oh, heavens, forgive us," said Edd. "My name's Eddward, and you see, Rolf and Nazz and I, we're not originally from this world, as you know by now."

"Regale him not now, speaker-of-complicated-words Ed-boy," interrupted Rolf. "Please, oh wise Punio, direct Rolf and his friends to the Great Tree."

"Yeah, how do we get there?" asked Koops. "We gotta get those Crystal Stars before these X-Nauts do."

"I'll do you one better and show you the way myself," said Punio. He squished over to the other side of the room, next to the stairs, leading the group to another tiny hole in the wall.

"It's this way," he said.

"Um… really? This hole's too small, like the last one," noted Goombella.

"And-a there's-a no gate-a for us to squeeze-a through," added Mario.

"Wait, hang on a second…" mused Punio. The small Puni squished through the hole as the others stood patiently, wondering what the little creature was going on about.

"Hmm," said Punio to himself. "I'm sure the Puni elder said that some button around here opened the secret entrance… A-HA! Found it!"

Within seconds, a clicking noise was heard from the other side of the hole. The group gasped and tried to maintain their balance. The switch that Punio activated had revealed a secret doorway atop the stairs, complemented by two "windows" beside it. Rolf reacted to this by uttering something in his native language.

"Intriguing!" mused Edd.

"Like, whoa, man," added Nazz, somewhat imitating Kevin.

The group climbed the stairs and entered the secret doorway, emerging in the next room. In this room, the secret doorway was complemented by three "windows" to its left. The room's notable features were a small hole in the floor that Punio had emerged from upon entering the hole in the previous room's wall, as well as a nearby pipe protruding from the opposite wall. This pipe, however, appeared to be a simple wooden hollow log, and the wood itself was gray and devoid of color.

"You can use that pipe to get to the woods in which we Punies live," said Punio to the group. "Let's hurry!"

Rolf knelt down and placed his hand on the floor, allowing Punio to climb up his arm and perch on the boy's shoulder. Together, they were the first two to enter the pipe, followed by Nazz, Goombella, Mario, Koops, and finally Edd bringing up the rear.

 **End of Intermission**


	9. 2-1: Boggly Woods

**Chapter 2: The Great Boggly Tree**

 **Part 1: Boggly Woods**

As Edd soared through this pipe, he noticed almost immediately that something was different about it. He felt everything around him losing its color, gradually becoming black and white, like an old 1950s silent movie. It was that strange feeling that many people experience when they enter a new place and see things much differently than they would from wherever they came. This pipe, like the one to Petal Meadows, seemed to drag on for a long time. At last, however, the trek through the pipe came to an end, and Edd climbed out of the pipe to rejoin his five comrades and Punio, emerging in the strange, ethereal, monochrome woodlands known only as the Boggly Woods. The wind here blew in a slightly cold breeze, and the sky appeared in perpetual twilight.

"Oh, my, what an experience!" he said, climbing down from the pipe. "So these are the Boggly Woods… Hmm, intriguing…" He and the others looked around and took in their surroundings. These woods almost appeared to be a typical run-of-the-mill forest, if not for the stunning lack of color.

"Whoo, there's kind of a cold breeze here," said Nazz, somewhat shivering in the wind. "Are these woods, like, near the mountains or something?"

"Looks mysterious, all right. What'll we run into next?" wondered Koops.

"Um, it should be a bit further, and then we should be able to see the Great Tree," said Punio, still perched on Rolf's shoulder. "The elder and her people are all waiting for us there… oh, and my little sister is, as well. Rolf, I'll point my antenna to help you lead the way."

"Let's-a go!" exclaimed Mario.

"The son of a shepherd, with the guidance of sacred Punio, shall lead the way," exclaimed Rolf. "Follow Rolf and Punio!"

With Punio as their guide, Rolf led the way through the woods en route to the Great Boggly Tree, which Punio's people called home but also where they were currently being held captive by these foul X-Nauts. The woods felt mysterious and chilling to all but Rolf, who seemed to have no problem adjusting to this strange new environment. They had barely gotten deeper into the woods, however, when Rolf stopped dead in his tracks, causing Edd to bump into him, which led to a chain reaction collision with the rest of the group. The son of a shepherd looked around sniffing, as if he had picked up a mysterious scent. Rolf was quirky this way.

"What is the meaning of this, Rolf?" demanded Edd.

"Yeah, why'd you stop?" asked Koops.

"We are not alone in these woods, friends," said Rolf. "Rolf smells the stench of evil that befouls the air like blanched rhubarb."

"What are you talking about, Rolf?" asked Goombella incredulously.

"So… we have finally arrived," said a chilling voice nearby, immediately answering Goombella's question. Directing their gaze in the direction of the voice, the group discovered three shadowy females nearby.

"Those… are Shadow Sirens," whispered Goombella to Edd. As she said this, Rolf simply glared at the three Shadow Sirens.

"Mmmwee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" cackled the leader of the Sirens, Beldam, who wore a blue and white striped hat and an evil grin. "Time to go to work! Vivian! You understand what we are to do, yes?"

"A – find that Mario guy, and B – steal the map to the Crystal Stars, right?" said the one called Vivian, somewhat unsure of herself. Vivian appeared to be of moderate height, and wore a striped hat like her sisters, but hers had magenta stripes. Some of her pink hair could be seen from beneath her hat. "I mean, can't we just do away with Mario and his friends, right? Or… is that bad?" she continued, still very uncertain.

"Bad things happen all the time, Vivian," chuckled Beldam. "But you're right about our goals. If the information I received is correct, then that Mario and his little ragtag group of idiot friends should be coming down this road quite soon. You are to ambush them here and get that map!"

Vivian looked away from her sisters, and it seemed like she had something else on her mind as she fiddled with something in her hands. As Edd observed from their distance, it seemed like, upon first impression, these three Shadow Sirens were very similar to himself and his fellow Eds, with Beldam sharing a number of traits (such as her bossiness and Napoleon complex) with Eddy.

"Hmm? What's this now?" remarked Beldam, seeing that Vivian was no longer paying attention. "Vivian! What's that you're fawning over there?"

"What, this?" said Vivian, revealing herself to be carrying a golden pearl necklace. "I found it a while back, near that tree over there. It's gorgeous, right? I mean, it was so cute that I just HAD to pick it up!"

"Hmph!" snarked Beldam snidely. "Pathetic, Vivian! Picking up someone else's scraps?! That's both greedy and disgusting! But enough about that for now. Vivian, you little pack rat. Bring out the sketches of Mario and that Double-D that we got from Grodus!"

Edd gasped softly as his comrades turned to look at him and Mario, then back to the Shadow Sirens. Edd grew worried, as because the Sirens had sketches of him and Mario, the two along with their friends could easily be identified as threats to whoever this Grodus character was. And who was this Grodus? What did he want with them? The questions seemed to mount.

"Guh-huh! 'Double-D.' PG-13!" laughed the large sister, who wore a yellow-striped hat and had blonde hair.

"Marilyn! Speak only when you are spoken to!" Beldam threatened to the large sister named Marilyn. "Well, Vivian? What's the hold-up? Bring me those sketches NOW!"

"Eek!" Vivian jumped in surprise and fright. "But-but-but… but I don't have them! You said they were way too important, so you took those sketches! You should have them!"

"Don't be stupid!" snapped Beldam. "I don't have those things! YOU were in charge of them! You wretched little worm, blaming ME for something that YOU most likely screwed up, AS USUAL!" Beldam leaped at Vivian and slammed her against the ground, inciting gasps of disgust from all but Rolf, who growled softly. "It simply disgusts me that we are even related!"

"I…I'm sorry, sis…" whimpered Vivian. "B-but… it's really not my fault… I never had those sketches…"

"SILENCE, YOU DITZ!" Beldam spat back, slapping Vivian across the face with all her might, leaving a barely-visible mark on Vivian's cheek. "How dare you speak to me with such disrespect?! It seems the only rationale your type understands is force! For your punishment, I'll be taking that necklace you just found!" With that, Beldam grabbed the necklace and ripped it off of Vivian's neck, as her poor sister gave a sad whimper. All the while, the third sister, Marilyn, said nothing as she stared absentmindedly into space. Edd, however, had had enough, appalled and disgusted at what he had just witnessed.

"Pardon!" he said, running over to Vivian as she lay on the ground, injured and crying. "Are you all right?"

"Go away! Leave me alone!" cried Vivian, looking away from him and burying her head in her hands, crying. From the tone in her voice, it was clear to Edd that Vivian was both scared and untrusting.

"GET LOST! We're busy here!" shouted Beldam angrily, driving Edd and his group to leave in a hurry.

"Who were they?" asked Nazz as the group kept running further into the woods.

"Shadow Sirens. Didn't quite learn their names, don't really care to!" replied Goombella. "Just forget them! They obviously don't want us around."

Edd looked back once more at Vivian, who was still on the ground, crying, and he felt a tug at his heartstrings. Seeing Beldam's treatment of her hearkened him back to many of the Eds' failed endeavors at scamming their fellow Peach Creek chums, and how Eddy never accepted the blame for his own missteps, instead choosing to throw the blame on Edd. As completely against his nature as it was to abandon someone like Vivian in their time of need, he had more important matters to attend to. He slowly forced himself to turn away so he could rejoin his ragtag group.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"There it is!" exclaimed Punio, hopping up and down on Rolf's shoulder. "The Great Boggly Tree!"

The heroes had arrived at a clearing in the woods, through which Punio spotted the home of his people: the Great Boggly Tree. Like the rest of the forest, this tree was also in black and white, though true to its name, it was a much larger tree that towered over the rest of the forest. At the foot of the tree were large white bushes and shrubs, along with some white moss growing on the trunk.

"Wow. This tree is, like, huge!" exclaimed Nazz.

"That's the place I was telling you guys about," Punio continued. "That's where the Punies live. Well, it's not just us Punies in the tree – lots of Jabbies also live there. Anyways, Rolf, lead on!"

Rolf, with Punio guiding him, led the group closer to the tree. Upon closer inspection, they immediately noticed something out of place – the tree had a red mechanical sliding door, with a red light above it.

"Hey!" exclaimed Punio, referring to the door. "Look at this! This wasn't here before! Someone must've installed it or something."

"A natural tree with an artificial automated entryway is very out of place, indeed," added Edd, approaching the door with his magnifying glass in hand.

"I bet it was those X-Nauts that set this up," groaned Nazz.

"Man, and there's no way we can get this door open," said Koops. "We're really in a pickle now."

"No, no, confused-shell-turtle-boy, we are in Boggly Woods," said Rolf. The others gave him a confused look.

"And to think I thought I could finally save everyone… I'm such a fool," lamented Punio.

"Don't take it so hard, Punio. We'll find a way in somehow," said Goombella, attempting to reassure Punio. "That door does look sturdy, though…"

Punio began to think, hard. This made for a long, awkward silence, as the group began puzzling, attempting to arrive at a solution to their current conundrum. Finally, after about a minute of brainstorming, Punio broke the silence with a shout.

"Got it!" he exclaimed. "Rolf, let me down for a little bit."

Rolf obliged and knelt on the ground, placing his hand on the ground so that Punio could climb down his arm and back onto the ground. Punio led them up the large slope that was part of one of the tree's roots.

"Long ago, the Puni elder told me about a secret entrance somewhere around here," explained Punio. "I'm sure we can get in through that entrance. Problem is, though…"

"Let me guess. You don't know where it is, or how to open it," Nazz guessed.

"Well, hey, it's not like there's a big sign that says 'Secret Entrance' with neon lights," retorted Punio.

"Hey, Double-D, any ideas?" Koops asked Edd.

"Sadly, no, Koops. I'm drawing a blank here," lamented Edd.

"Hmm," mused Punio, "the entrance is guarded by some invisible… thingy that we need to find and remove… it's tough enough to remove a _normal_ thingy, let alone an invisible one…" He then jumped, as an idea came to him, and said out loud, "Got it! Flurrie!"

"Flurrie?" asked Nazz. "Like, a light sprinkle of snow in the winter?"

"No, Miss, not that kind of flurry," replied Punio incredulously. " _Madame_ Flurrie! Surely Madame Flurrie's abilities can help us in our time of need."

"Madame Flurrie?" inquired Edd. "Who, may I inquire, is this Madame Flurrie?"

"She's a refined and dignified lady who lives in a fancy house in these woods," answered Punio. "According to the elder, Madame Flurrie is a wind spirit, and so she can wield the amazing powers of the wind with relative ease. You're smart enough to know where I'm going with this, right? There's an invisible thingy we have to remove to get to the secret entrance, and she can blow the thingy away with her wind powers!"

"So we need to find this Madame Flurrie and ask her to help us, right?" said Nazz.

"Just a minute!" said Edd. "We don't know enough about this Madame Flurrie. Where in these woods does she live? What if she wants something in return? I have nothing of value to offer!"

"Calm down, Double-D," said Nazz. "It can't hurt to try."

"Light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel Nazz-girl speaks the truth, Ed-boy," confirmed Rolf. "Punio! Lead Rolf and his friends to this Madame Flurrie!"

Rolf reached down and allowed Punio back onto his shoulder. The green-bulbed Puni pointed with his antenna and directed them back through the direction they came, in search of this Madame Flurrie.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Somewhere in the woods was a beautiful house. It appeared to be beige in color, with a roof of magenta and columns of marble out front. The large double doors that served as the way in and out were also colored magenta, matching the roof. Large green shrubs adorned the base of the elegant house. The fact that this house had any color at all is what made it stand out from the monochrome environment of these woods. The inside of this house was even more elegant – it was a mansion of sorts, the kind of mansion that famous celebrities would reside in. The interior of the home had a purple tiled floor, in a checkerboard pattern, and rose-colored wallpaper along the walls. The foyer of the mansion possessed a second floor balcony overlooking the ground floor, adorned with a gilded guardrail along the edge.

"Ahhh! Zese woods are ze most wonderful in all ze world. Oui, oui, indeed!" came the robust voice of the woman living in the house, in a rather pompous French accent.

"Building a mansion 'ere was just ze FINEST idea I've ever 'ad! Zis place is so vastly different from ze bright flashbulbs and clamoring crowds of ze world to which I've become accustomed," she continued, softly chuckling. "Why, zis negative image of ze world soothes my body and my soul… What's even better about all of zis is zat I, Madame Flurrie, grow ever lovelier 'ere!"

 _ **Madame Flurrie**_ _is a voluptuous wind spirit. She was once a very renowned, though pompous, actress on the Shroomway stage, appearing in various productions such as "A Mid-Winter Day's Nap." She grew tired of the spotlight and retired to a multicolored home in Boggly Woods. She can blow gusts of wind in battle to blow away or disorient foes. She speaks in a thick French accent._

"Plus, zose squishy, adorable little Punies zat live in zat grande tree are so kind to moi!" she went on, praising herself in a way that many celebrities would, particularly those who had let themselves become consumed by their fame. "But I suppose if I stay 'ere too long, it won't be zat much longer before Madame craves ze 'ustle and bustle of ze outside world, n'est-ce pas? Ooh la la! It's 'appening as I speak! Already Madame feels ze need for drama! Zat moment of exhilaration when ze spotlight shines down on ze stage… and on moi! Certainly Madame was born to be an actress for ze ages!"

After a brief pause, she had made her decision.

"Il est réglé!" she proclaimed to herself. "Madame Flurrie shall reign on ze Shroomway stage once more! But before I make my big comeback on ze stage, I simply must whip my body and mind into shape, non? I just need to apply some makeup to en'ance mon beauté."

She crossed to her mirror and opened up her beauty kit, consisting of all manner of makeup, hair accoutrements, jewelry, and the like. She had begun to reach for her eyelash kit when she noticed something wasn't right…

"Attends une minute… Where…?" she said, about to panic. "It was just here… Where is mon…"

She then shouted, so loudly and panic-stricken that it could be heard from outside the mansion:

"NOOOOOOOOOON! ZUT ALORS! MON COLLIER PRECIEUX EST AUTRE!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

With Punio perched on Rolf's shoulder, the green-bulbed Puni and the son of a shepherd led the group deeper into the woods in search of Madame Flurrie's house. Punio spotted a path in the woods that seemed to lead to a clearing – it was hard to tell, as the woods were rather thick.

"This way," said Punio, pointing his antenna.

"Yes, follow Punio and Rolf," said Rolf to the others. They continued to lead the way, as the rest of the group followed. As they approached the path, they were suddenly startled by a loud screeching noise.

"Gah! What was that?" asked Koops, startled.

Koops's question was answered almost immediately, as but a second later, the heroes were confronted with a large monochrome plant creature resembling an oversized Venus flytrap, flanked by what appeared to be a smallish rock with feet and a single spike protruding from its head. These creatures were joined by two more creatures that resembled sneering cumulus clouds.

"Let me see," said Goombella, quickly consulting her Tattle Log. "We're dealing with a Pale Piranha Plant, a Cleft – that's the rock creature with the spike on its head – and two Dark Puffs. The Pale Piranha will try to bite you if you jump on it, so attack it with something else. Jump attacks also won't work on the Cleft due to the obvious spike. They also have high defense, but their undersides are their weak points, so try to flip them over somehow. As for the Dark Puffs, they hover in the air, so jump attacks work best. However, they can charge themselves up for a Lightning Strike, and while they do that, they become electrified, meaning they'll zap you if you try to jump on it in that state. So if that's the case, either get creative or just run."

"Thank you, intelligent mushroom lady," said Rolf as he let Punio back onto the ground, in a safe spot nearby.

"Go get' em, guys!" Punio cheered.

"In honor of the Punies, Rolf shall smite you!" shouted Rolf. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out what seemed to be a large, heavy bag. With all his might, Rolf slammed it hard against the Pale Piranha Plant with a loud clang. The noise of the impact sounded as though the bag was full of heavy rocks. Edd, having witnessed this, recalled that Rolf's methods of attack were very similar to his duel with Eddy back at the cul-de-sac, since Rolf swung the bag in a near identical manner to the fish he had once used.

"Nice job, Rolf!" Nazz complimented, as Rolf struck a proud stance.

However, the Pale Piranha Plant wasn't out yet. It ducked underground and re-appeared right in front of Nazz, who responded with a powerful right hook to its side. It fell down, now out for the count, and Nazz struck a proud stance herself.

"Heads up!" shouted Goombella.

One of the Dark Puffs, in an attempt to avenge its fallen friend, charged at Nazz, but Goombella jumped in front of her and took the hit, injuring the Goomba girl but not terribly badly enough to incapacitate her. The second Dark Puff attempted another attack on Goombella to weaken her further, but Edd jumped in front of her and deflected the attack with a swing of his rod.

"Thanks for that, Double-D," said Goombella.

"No problem," replied Edd.

Mario pinned the Power Smash badge to his overalls before whipping out his hammer and smashing the Cleft. The hit proved powerful enough to shatter its defenses and knock out the rock monster. This left the question of the two Dark Puffs. One of the Puffs began glowing, charging up energy and surrounding itself in bursts of electricity.

"That's not good," remarked Edd, seeing this.

"Change of-a plans!" exclaimed Mario. "Koops! Are you ready?"

Koops flashed a thumbs-up to Mario and ducked inside his shell. Mario picked up the shell and, with a fancy twirl, tossed it with all his might, aiming directly for the Dark Puffs. The shell struck both Puffs hard, causing them to evaporate into the air. Koops returned to the heroes, skidding to a halt by Edd, and re-emerged from his shell.

"Victory is ours!" proclaimed Rolf, allowing Punio back onto his shoulder. Edd, Nazz, and Rolf all high-fived each other, while Mario flashed a thumbs-up, Goombella did a victory hop, and Koops breathed a sigh of relief, wiping sweat from his brow.

"Great job, guys!" Punio replied, congratulating them. "Let's keep going! Madame Flurrie's house isn't that much further now!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Here we are, everyone! This is Madame Flurrie's mansion," explained Punio.

"Intriguing! Why, this elegant house stands in stark contrast to these woods," mused Edd. "In fact, apart from us, this house appears to be the only thing in these monochrome woods that's fully colorized." Indeed, the house stood apart from the monochrome environment like a grass stain on a pair of jeans. The outer walls were of a beige color, while the doors and the roof suggested a hue of magenta, and large green shrubs lined the base of the house.

"This Madame Flurrie must not be of these woods to have a home like this, yes?" inquired Rolf.

"That'd be correct, Rolf," replied Punio. "From everything I've heard, Madame Flurrie was a very renowned theater actress in her heyday. My thinking is she's living here on retirement or something to that extent."

"So let's check the place out and see if she's home," said Nazz.

Edd and Mario opened the doors of the mansion, allowing the group and Punio to enter. The interior of the mansion did not betray the exterior in its posh design. The floor was of a checkerboard design, of two close shades of purple, while the walls were rose-colored. The Peach Creek kids and the Mushroom Kingdom natives couldn't help but marvel at the sight. After walking in black and white negative-image woods for hours, they were grateful that there was a splash of vibrant color right here. It did, however, take a few seconds for their eyes to adjust to the stark contrast.

"I gotta admit, this is one swanky house!" marveled Goombella.

"You gotta be insanely rich to live in a place like this," added Nazz.

"Eddy's dream in a nutshell, Nazz," remarked Edd with a tinge of sarcasm.

"Madame Flurrie?" called Punio. "Madame, are you home?"

There was no reply.

"Odd. No answer," said Punio. "Maybe she went for a walk in the woods."

"Perhaps, but perhaps not, Punio. We must investigate further," said Edd as Rolf let Punio back onto the vivid floor of the mansion. They approached a door on the second floor of the foyer.

"Madame Flurrie?" Punio called a second time.

"Qui est-ce? Is zat vous, mon petit Punio?" came a robust female voice in a thick French accent.

"Yeah, it's me!" exclaimed Punio.

"So sorry, but vous cannot entrez into mon chamber right now!" responded Madame Flurrie. From the tone of her voice, Edd inferred that she was in a panic over something. "Madame is not decent!"

"I… wasn't asking to come in, Madame," said Punio. "I need some help with a problem that only you can help to solve."

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" she asked.

"It's like this…" said Punio. "The entrance hole into the Great Boggly Tree is all blocked up. There's this stupid automated door that we just can't seem to open; we think it was recently installed by these thugs, the X-Nauts. They took over the tree and captured the other Punies! I think there's a secret entrance into the tree, but we need your wind powers to blow away the thingy that's blocking it. It's a train wreck, really."

"Vous 'ave risked your life and come all ze way 'here to ask zis of moi?" said Flurrie.

Punio looked back at his six new friends pensively. Rolf bent down and placed his hand on the floor to allow Punio back onto his shoulder.

"But of course!" said Flurrie. "Mon petit adorable Punio, vous know Madame would do anything in mon power to 'elp vous! Alas, lamentablement, Madame has un petit problem herself, and I just cannot come out until zis problem is solved."

"What's the matter, Madame?" asked Punio worriedly.

"Well, vous see, mon chéri, I've regrettably lost mon precious necklace," lamented Flurrie. "It is a necklace of ze finest golden pearls. Madame never leaves 'ome without it! I'd be simply SCANDALIZED if I were to be seen without it!"

"I know what you mean, Madame," added Goombella. "It's like if I don't get my makeup done exactly perfect, I don't leave the house!"

"Qui est-ce? Punio? Is someone out zere avec vous?" inquired Flurrie, not accustomed to hearing a voice that wasn't Punio.

"I found six new friends, and they agreed to help me reclaim the tree and rescue the other Punies!" said Punio.

"Just one moment…" said Edd. "Madame? Did you say you lost a pearl necklace?"

"Oui, monsieur with ze alto-soprano voice," replied Flurrie.

Edd suddenly remembered seeing a necklace that fit this description…

 **FLASHBACK**

"Hmm? What's this now?" remarked Beldam, seeing that Vivian was no longer paying attention. "Vivian! What's that you're fawning over there?"

"What, this?" said Vivian, revealing herself to be carrying a golden pearl necklace. "I found it a while back, near that tree over there. It's gorgeous, right? I mean, it was so cute that I just HAD to pick it up!"

 **END FLASHBACK**

"A-ha!" exclaimed Edd.

"What's up, Double-D?" asked Nazz.

"If my recollection is correct, we did indeed see a necklace matching the exact description of Madame Flurrie's missing necklace," explained Edd. "I believe we saw someone in the woods who was fawning over such a necklace; perhaps it belongs to you, Madame?"

"Vous know where mon necklace is, young monsieur?" inquired Flurrie. "If vous can, s'il vous plait, be a dear and find it for moi. If vous do, Madame shall 'elp vous with whatever vous ask."

"Deal!" exclaimed Nazz. "C'mon, guys. Last I recall, those Shadow Siren whatchamacallits had that necklace."

"Let's-a go!" exclaimed Mario.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"See, I told you, Beldam!" said Vivian. "You had the sketches all along!"

"SILENCE, you twit!" snapped Beldam angrily. "I told you NEVER to talk back to me, you rotten little mistake!" Beldam grabbed her sister and mercilessly threw her to the ground as hard as she could.

"…yes, sister," Vivian sobbed, injured.

"Now is not the time to be hung up on stupid, insignificant details," growled Beldam. "We must study these sketches thoroughly."

Beldam held the two sketches out in front of her – the one in her left hand was of Mario, and the one in her right hand depicted Edd. Both sketches were poorly drawn by Lord Crump, as if he was in a rush. The three Shadow Sirens leaned in to examine the sketches more closely.

"That Mario guy does look rather manly… I mean, that mustache, though…" said Beldam. "And this Double-D doesn't look too bad, either, though I do wonder what that hat is… for…"

Vivian suddenly jumped, having been struck by a realization.

"Th-that's them! The mustache man and the sock-hat boy that were here earlier!" said Vivian, realizing that Mario and Edd were two of the people that had passed them by.

"Must you state the obvious?!" snapped Beldam. "This is, without a doubt, all your fault, Vivian!"

"I-I'm sorry, sister…" cried Vivian.

"If you are truly sorry, you will shut your trap and do as you're told!" Beldam spat back angrily, holding up a fist threateningly.

"…yes, sister," said Vivian quietly.

"I can't hear you! Say it again!" demanded Beldam.

"…Yes, sister," said Vivian more loudly.

"That's better," said Beldam. "But don't you dare think for one second that you're off the hook. I'll be dealing out some more strict punishment later, dearie, I promise you that! And you know, I was thinking of returning that lovely necklace to you… but I'm going to keep it for myself instead."

"Look! There they are!" exclaimed Edd, leading the group toward the Shadow Sirens.

"Ahh, now we have our chance," sneered Beldam. "Mario and Eddward Double-D. Handsome looks or no, neither of you must be too intelligent if you came here looking for US. Because, you see… we were actually waiting for YOU."

"You? Waiting for US?" demanded Edd.

"Yeah, that's suspicious right there," added Koops.

"I have no quarrel with you, child with the shell," said Beldam menacingly. "But I simply cannot allow you to hunt for the Crystal Stars. And as soon as we deal with you, I'll be taking that map of yours."

"Hey, how do you know about all that?" demanded Nazz. "I bet you work for those nasty X-Nauts!"

"You would win that bet, dearie," sneered Beldam. "Now hand over that map, and any Crystal Stars you may have gathered by now. Or will we be forced to battle this out?"

"Explain yourselves!" demanded Edd. "Just who exactly are you three?"

"Mmmwee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" cackled Beldam. "Those who seek names often find themselves staring into the void of disappointment. But if you insist, I'll tell you… We are the three Shadow Sirens. I am Beldam, sorceress of shadow and ice. The large plus-size one is Marilyn, sorceress of shadow and lightning."

"I am Vivian, sorceress of shadow and fire," added Vivian, trying (and failing) to sound confident and menacing.

"I told you NEVER to speak out of turn unless you are spoken to, you repulsive filth!" Beldam spat at Vivian.

"…yes, sister. I'll do as you say," moaned Vivian.

"Fine! We'll-a fight!" exclaimed Mario. Everyone armed themselves accordingly: Edd pulled out his rod, Mario brandished his hammer, Nazz balled her hands into fists, and Rolf whipped out his bag of stones. Goombella and Koops stood by closely.

"Go!" shouted Beldam.

Vivian, who was in front, made the first move, charging directly over to Goombella and delivering a punch. Goombella, however, acted quickly and crouched, deflecting the punch with her helmet. Marilyn sidled up to Edd and delivered a punch of her own to his gut; this punch connected successfully and sent Edd backward toward a patch of white grass. Edd coughed and just barely managed to stand back up, having had the wind knocked out of him. Beldam, in her attack turn, darted up to Nazz and prepared to strike the blonde-haired girl, but Rolf leapt valiantly in between them and struck Beldam with his bag.

"Blizzard!" shouted Beldam, her arms outstretched toward the group. Ice and snow began falling as if from nowhere.

"Brrrr! It's r-r-r-really c-c-c-c-c-cold!" Goombella shivered.

"Poppycock!" shouted Rolf, unfazed by the sudden change in weather and drop in temperature. He leapt into the air and struck Beldam once more with his bag, breaking her concentration and dispelling her ice attack.

Mario jumped high into the air, with hammer in his hands, and struck Marilyn hard in the head, while Goombella went at Vivian with a double headbonk, leaving the Siren injured and panting.

"Now we got her!" proclaimed Goombella. "Double-D! Take your rod and slam it on Vivian, hard as you can! That should finish her!"

Now standing upright, Edd brandished his rod and began charging at Vivian. He then stopped short, however, and had a change of heart upon seeing the look on Vivian's face. She was still crying, as a result of the combined abuse from Beldam and the beating that she was receiving from the others. He hated to see anyone hurt like so, suffering in silence with no escape from the endless torment. Looking over at Beldam, who was snickering evilly nearby as the fight dragged on, Edd decided to shift targets. He resumed his running charge, raised his rod, and landed a hard, determined blow - on Beldam.

"Yeouch! You WRETCHED little boy!" Beldam shouted angrily.

"Double-D! You were supposed to hit Vivian!" Goombella complained.

"I, um… sorry, I missed?" said Edd, feigning confusion. It was clear, though, that Beldam was his intended target, not Vivian.

"Uhh!" groaned Goombella. She charged toward Marilyn and hopped onto her back. Nazz later charged at Marilyn herself, but the large Shadow Siren managed to grab her and throw her at Rolf, sending both of them crashing to the ground.

"Lightning!" called Marilyn, pointing one of her large hands skyward. About a second later, a bolt of lightning crashed down on the ground and shook up the group, long enough to allow Beldam to connect with another blow to Nazz.

"Vivian! Attack them! NOW!" demanded Beldam of her youngest sister.

Reluctantly, Vivian darted over to Edd and punched, but the sock-headed boy deflected the blow with his rod, holding it sideways in both hands and pushing her away. She didn't fall to the ground, however; instead she just stood there as Edd shifted targets once again.

Mario whipped out his hammer and charged at Marilyn. He connected with a blow to her head; she fainted and fell to the ground.

"Nice!" exclaimed Goombella, watching. However, this left her open to a surprise punch from Beldam, knocking her to the ground as well. As the young Goomba lay there, the blue-hatted Shadow Siren prepared to attack her yet again.

"Don't you DARE touch her!" shouted Edd angrily as he watched. He brandished his rod and slammed it hard on Beldam's head, knocking her to the floor. Vivian watched this scene go down, and as she watched Edd, she seemed to smile just a bit.

"That just leaves this one!" yelled Nazz, indicating Vivian. "Koops! A quick shell toss oughta take this one out!"

Koops nodded and retreated into his shell. Nazz picked up Koops and tossed him at Vivian, who barely had a second to see the shell flying at her. Koops connected with her nose, knocking her out, ending the battle with all three Shadow Sirens on the ground.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is checkmate!" proclaimed Edd victoriously. Rolf quickly ran ahead of Edd and grabbed Beldam.

"Explain yourselves!" demanded the son of a shepherd. "What is your mission? What is the goal of you three who perform witchery and these X-Nauts?"

"Persistent, aren't we?" groaned Beldam. "That's for us to know, and for you to find out for yourself, sucker!"

Just like that, she sank into the shadows and vanished.

"What is this?" asked Rolf as the other two Sirens followed Beldam's lead and vanished as well. "You dare make a Merry Andrew of Rolf?!"

"Hey, look!" said Nazz. "They dropped the necklace!"

Following Nazz's gaze, Mario darted over to the necklace and pocketed it.

"We must return the pearls to Madame Flurrie now, yes?" said Rolf. "Follow Rolf and Punio!" Rolf knelt down again and allowed Punio – who had hidden behind a tree during the battle – back onto his shoulder.

XXX000XXX000XXX

With Punio's guidance, the group made their way back to Madame Flurrie's mansion, and to the double doors on the second floor of the foyer.

"Madame Flurrie! We found your necklace in the woods!" explained Punio.

"Vous 'ave found it? Mon collier precieux?" came Flurrie's voice.

"Yeah! I'm-a just gonna leave it by the door," said Mario, as he removed the necklace from his pocket and placed it at the foot of the door.

"Oh, vous delightful fellow!" said Flurrie. The door opened just a crack, and a large purple hand stuck out from behind it to grab the necklace. "Merci beaucoup! And now, un moment, s'il vous plait… splendid! SPLENDID! Mon collier precieux! And now, ze finishing touches… and now for un proper introduction!"

The chandelier above the heroes suddenly slid inside the ceiling, darkening the foyer. Seconds later, a brightly-shining disco ball descended from the ceiling, in place of said chandelier; and out of nowhere, seductive swing music began to play.

"What's going on?" asked Nazz.

The doors opened, finally, and out came Madame Flurrie – a rather robust-looking woman made almost entirely of cloud. She sported a lavender hue in her cloud-skin, voluptuous curves, large red lips, two turquoise earrings, two golden bands on her wrists, purple hair parted symmetrically on her head, and her recently-returned pearl necklace.

"What…" began Nazz.

"The…" added Edd, as he and the others all marveled at what they saw with surprise.

Rolf, Goombella, Mario, and Koops were rendered speechless, as they stared, mouths agape. Punio appeared to simply smile, as he was the only one in the room who had ever met Madame Flurrie before. The disco ball retreated back into the ceiling and the chandelier once more took its place, and the swing music faded out.

"Ooh la la!" she said, in a robust voice. "Je suis Madame Flurrie, wind spirit and retired actress famous on ze Shroomway stage! Which one of vous was it zat found mon necklace?"

"Mario," replied everybody but Mario. Immediately, everyone pointed at him, who jumped in surprise. It felt as though the plumber was being scapegoated.

"Ooh! Mario, honh?" smiled Flurrie seductively. "Vous are mon petit necklace 'unter, non? My, my, aren't vous un fine specimen of a man! Oui, indeed!"

"Mario? I think she, like, has the hots for you," said Nazz.

"Monsieur Mario, Madame simply MUST pay mon gratitude to vous!" said Flurrie amorously. "Come, mon petit Mario, and let Madame Flurrie give vous some sugar!"

"What?!" exclaimed Mario.

"Oh, dear…" piped up Edd.

"Come to moi and pucker up, 'andsome!" proclaimed Flurrie, arms wide open. She immediately charged forward, bowling over the rest of the group, and planted a big, wet kiss on Mario.

"Daaaaaaang," said Nazz.

"I _cannot_ watch this," said Edd, looking away, uncomfortable. "It's the Kanker Sisters all over again."

Finally, Flurrie stopped her kiss. When it was all over, Mario was on the floor, gasping, coughing for air, and blushing.

"Oh, Mario, vous are just ze CUTEST petit man Madame 'as ever laid eyes on!" laughed Flurrie.

"No, I'm-a not," said Mario, trying to deflect Flurrie's interest to no avail.

"Oui, vous are, and zat's zat," said Flurrie.

"Yes, ahem, my name is Eddward, and this is Nazz, Rolf, Goombella, and Koops," said Edd, introducing himself and everyone else. "It's, um… enchanting to meet you, er, Madame Flurrie."

"Mm-hmm, oui, enchanté, monsieur," replied Flurrie.

"We require your, erm, wind powers to open a secret entrance into the Great Boggly Tree to rescue the Punies and recover a Crystal Star we believe to be inside said tree," explained Edd.

"Is zis true, now?" asked Flurrie.

"Yes!" replied Rolf. "Rolf and Punio shall lead the way to the Great Tree that is home to the hallowed Punies!"

"Well, why are we standing around? I shall join you! Let us go!" exclaimed Flurrie.

 **End of Part One**


	10. 2-2: Infiltration of the Tree

**Chapter 2: The Great Boggly Tree**

 **Part 2: Infiltration of the Tree**

"It 'as been un long time since Madame was last 'ere," remarked Madame Flurrie.

The group of seven had returned to the site of the Great Boggly Tree, observing it from a distance. Everything seemed quiet.

"So now," continued Flurrie. "What is zis I 'ear? Zere is un-"

Flurrie was suddenly interrupted by the distant sound of marching footsteps.

"Oh, dear…" whispered Edd nervously.

"That-a could-a be the X-Nauts," Mario pointed out.

"Everyone, hide!" whispered Nazz. The group hid behind a succession of smaller trees to avoid being detected. Edd, Nazz, Mario, and Rolf craned their necks just barely enough to get a good view of who was marching toward the tree. From their vantage point, they were able to spot a battalion of soldiers wearing large X's on their uniforms, an appearance that was familiar to Edd, Nazz, Mario, and Goombella.

"That's them!" whispered Punio on Rolf's shoulder. "Those are the X-Nauts!"

"Oh, my stars… Those are the soldiers who went after Goombella at Rogueport's docks!" noted Edd quietly and in shock.

"Oh my gosh, you're right!" whispered Nazz.

They watched as the troops advanced toward the Great Boggly Tree. Edd discovered that they were being led by Lord Crump, the tallest soldier who wore a purple bandana on his head. Also among the ranks were the Shadow Sirens: Beldam, Marilyn, and Vivian. Beldam whirled around to face the troops behind her and barked some orders at them alongside Crump, whilst Marilyn still bore that same goofy absentminded face and Vivian still appeared to be very sad. The X-Naut grunts behind the leaders were marching in rows and columns, in perfect succession, like any of Earth's military forces.

"Troops, HALT!" shouted Crump, in a booming voice.

Immediately, all of the troops stopped marching, and faced their commanding officer.

"Listen up, maggots! Our orders are to complete our mission an' take over dis tree!" barked Crump. "Leave no stragglers! We march in da second our reinforcements get here. Ah, and here dey are now!"

A huge ship soon arrived overhead, marked with a large X on the side of the hull. The heroes watched as the large airship touched down just a few feet away from the Great Tree, and a large walkway emerged from an opening in the hull. Out from the ship came another battalion of X-Naut soldiers.

"Man, Double-D, this feels like a _Star Wars_ movie," whispered Nazz to Edd. "I'm thinking along the lines of maybe _The Empire Strikes Back_ or something… Hey, what's that they're carrying?"

Nazz had noticed, right around then, that the soldiers were carrying a large pole, with something – or someone – tied to it.

"Wait, hang on, let me get a better look," said Edd. He whipped out a pair of binoculars that he had stored away, and peered through them.

"Oh my lord!" he shouted unintentionally. "They have someone tied to that thing!"

"What?! Let me see!" said Nazz. Edd handed her the binoculars, and she peered through them to see what Edd saw. "Man, you're right, Double-D! They have a hostage! I can't tell who it is, though – there's a bag over his or her head or something."

"This is horrible! Unconscionable! Reprehensible!" groaned Edd. "Just how many more people DO they plan to capture?"

"Guys, quiet down!" Goombella admonished, half-whispering. "You want them to hear us?"

"Forward, troops! We march to our destiny!" shouted Crump. "Dat Crystal Star'll be ours in no time!"

Crump and the soldiers marched forward to the tree. The double doors opened, and the X-Nauts marched inside in lines, until the last of the soldiers was in the tree, and the doors slammed shut. The Shadow Sirens, meanwhile, had all disappeared into the shadows.

"No…" cried Punio.

"Come! We 'ave non temps to lose!" proclaimed Flurrie.

The group emerged from behind their hiding spots and ran up the side of the Great Boggly Tree, to the spot where Punio had detected a secret entrance that had been sealed.

"So yeah, there's supposed to be a secret entrance nearby, Madame Flurrie," said Punio. "It's just blocked by some… invisible thingy that needs to be removed."

"Oui, Punio," said Flurrie. "Everyone 'old on to your 'ats!"

Flurrie took a very deep breath, and exhaled a great gale-force wind. The wind was so strong that everyone wearing some form of headgear – Edd, Nazz, Mario, and Goombella – struggled to keep their respective headgear from blowing off of their heads. In seconds, some bark began to peel off of the tree. When it was all over, there was a small Puni-sized hole with a sign nearby that read "Secret Entrance" with neon lights.

"There it is!" exclaimed Punio.

"Hey, wait… Punio, you said that the secret entrance _wouldn't_ be marked with a neon sign," scolded Nazz.

"Oops… I stand corrected, then," said Punio, trying to save face.

"I concur with Nazz," said Edd. "Marking a secret entrance with a large sign that reads 'Secret Entrance' all but defeats the purpose of even _having_ a secret entrance." He then whispered to Nazz, "Even Eddy's brother does a better job of hiding his bedroom."

"All criticism aside, the point is, now we can finally get in!" said Punio. "Rolf, set me down."

Rolf set Punio back down onto the bark, and the small green-bulbed Puni sidled into the tiny hole.

"Ooh, aren't ze Punies just ze most precieux petit creatures?" said Flurrie, smiling. "Madame was a diva of ze Shroomway stage, vous see. But ze filthy air outside ze spotlight repelled moi, so I sought seclusion in zese woods. It was 'ere zat, soon enough, I first met ze Punies and glimpsed zair pure petit hearts. Immediately I was reminded of mon innocence as a rookie actress… and it made moi realize zat I shall ever love ze stage, and zat I must feel ze glow and ze warmth of ze spotlight once more. It was mon interaction with ze Punies zat 'elped moi to find mon true self… Zis is why Madame must 'elp zem in any way I can before I return to mon Shroomway stage comeback."

Before anyone could reply, a clicking noise could be heard from inside the tree. Seconds later, the automated doorway opened, the red light above turning green to signify this, and Punio slithered out of the tree.

"Okay, everyone, can you hear me?" called Punio. "I managed to open the door from the inside! C'mon, everyone!"

Rolf ran through the doorway first, allowing Punio back onto his shoulder on the way; the others followed shortly thereafter. They found themselves inside a large chamber, where the walls of the tree were lined not only with thick bark, but what appeared to be clear networks of pipes delivering water to each and every area of the Great Tree to nourish it. The floor inside the Tree was different, too – it was black with endless golden vine patterns. At least three large Puni statues were in this chamber as well. Aside from the statues and the small tufts of grass, however, the room was empty. The only sound they heard was the flowing of water from the walls.

"Hmm… This is weird," mused Punio. "Rolf, set me down for a bit."

Rolf set Punio back down onto the floor of the tree, and the small Puni sidled to the center of the foyer, looking around.

"This isn't right," he quipped. "Normally everyone would be right here. But they're not… hmm, where could they be?" He then called, in a slightly louder voice: "Elder! Everyone! Come on out! HELLOOOOOOOO?"

A clicking noise could be heard from across the room, startling everyone. It was right then that they noticed a second automated doorway, identical to the one the group had just entered through. These doors opened up, the red light turning green to signify this, and two X-Naut soldiers emerged.

"Look, Rawlings!" said the X-Naut to the left to his teammate before facing the group again. "Hey! How'd you all get in here?"

"Hey! Johnson! Look again, dude!" said his teammate, Rawlings. "It's that Mario guy and his dumb friends!"

"Really?!" shouted Johnson. "Let's get 'em!"

"Wait! We need to tell Lord Crump!" replied Rawlings. "He said to report to him IMMEDIATELY if we ever encountered Mario!"

"Come off it, Rawlings! Use your head for once!" Johnson fired back. "We should capture 'em all here and now so we get our due credit! Just think about it – there's just gotta be a huge reward in it for us! DUH!"

"Oh, yeah," recalled Rawlings. "Let's do it, then! Let's rock these chumps!"

"One, two, three, BREAK!" the two X-Nauts shouted together before charging the heroes.

"Let's take these losers DOWN!" shouted Nazz. She darted up to Rawlings and connected with a blow to his goggles, sending him to the ground.

"YEOWW! Dang!" yelled Rawlings. "These chumps are ANNOYING!"

"You idiot! Just because we're foot soldiers doesn't mean we have to ACT like it!" scolded Johnson loudly.

Rolf shouted a swear in his native Old Country tongue and charged forward, armed with his bag of rocks. He lifted his bag high and connected with a blow to Johnson's face, knocking him to the floor near one of the Puni statues. As Punio darted out of the way and hid near Edd's right foot, Rolf then whirled around and struck Rawlings in the head.

However, Rolf didn't stop there. Consumed by rage, the son of a shepherd continued his relentless assault on the two X-Naut grunts, shouting in his native tongue all the way. The others could only watch in shock and with a tinge of fear. Finally, Rolf ceased his onslaught, panting heavily, and the two X-Naut soldiers got up and ran away to the door.

"Crud, man!" groaned Johnson as they ran. "That stung! Whoever this kid is, he's mental!"

"Told you we should have just reported back to Lord Crump!" griped Rawlings.

"Dang, Rolf, what's WITH you all of a sudden?" Goombella demanded nervously.

"In Rolf's old country, the Punies are considered sacred!" shouted Rolf. "Rolf shall not allow them to be mistreated like this!"

"Sacred? Us?" asked Punio, nervously approaching Rolf.

"Indeed!" replied Rolf.

"Well… pretty slick work handling those guys, Rolf," remarked Punio.

"I still don't get it," said Nazz. "How could Rolf possibly even know that these guys exist?"

"Hm?" said Punio, gazing at the foot of one of the statues. "Hey!"

A small Puni had poked its head from behind the statue.

"Hey!" shouted Punio again. "Relax, guys, you can come out now! These guys are all here to help us!"

Immediately, several small voices began emanating from behind the statues:

"Wow, they're tall!"

"I'm scared. I don't wanna get eaten!"

"Right in the nick of time."

"That giant with the bag is something else!"

"Why does that one giant have a sock on his head?"

"Nice mustache."

"Punio, you're such a dork!"

The heroes were greeted with the sight of ten Punies emerging from behind the statues. Unlike Punio, however, their antenna bulbs were yellow, not unlike those of fireflies. They also did not share the darker-gray stripes that Punio bore.

"Only ten?" puzzled Punio. "That's not right. There should be more than this… Meh, I guess we'll have to make do! I would like to formally introduce: Rolf, Eddward, Nazz, Mario-"

"Wait a minute!" came the voice of a larger Puni. "Punio, you dork!"

The larger Puni approached Punio, as if menacingly.

"Oh… Puniper," griped Punio.

"We were in danger, you dolt!" snapped Puniper. "And now look! We've been overtaken! How DARE you just up and ditch us like that?!"

"I just went to get some help!" Punio protested. "And besides, how did you escape?"

"Well, there were eleven of us at first," replied Puniper, a hint of pride mischief in his voice reminiscent of Eddy. "But as we were being herded like sheep into a cage, I pushed Punilly in front of one of those soldiers to trip him so we could get away!"

"You did WHAT?!" Punio demanded. "You sacrificed Punilly just so you could get away? Wow, Puniper. Even for you, that's a new low."

"What choice did we have? It was either that or no one escape," Puniper fired back. "And on another note, how do we really know that these large people can help us?" demanded Puniper. "For all we know, they might be more of those… soldier things!"

"Oh, Puniper, Madame sees zat vous 'ave not changed un bit," remarked Flurrie with a tinge of disappointment.

"Oh!" said Puniper, startled. "Madame Flurrie! My apologies. I almost didn't see you there."

"What are vous saying, Puniper?" asked Flurrie. "We are not with zese foul X-Naut creatures!"

"Madame's right!" said Punio. "If we all band together with these, our new allies, then we'll have a real shot at chasing these X-Naut goons out of here!"

"No way, Punio!" Puniper spat. "You have no idea what we've been through since you left! Everyone else was captured! Even Punilly, AND the elder! And even YOUR SISTER!"

"PETUNI? Say it ain't so!" shouted Punio.

"Oh, it's so!" snapped Puniper. "Those soldiers said it was because we wouldn't tell them where to find some… crystal thing."

The heroes all jumped in shock.

"Oh, my!" said Edd.

"Can this be true?" said Rolf.

"I KNEW IT! This is where the Magical Map marked the next Crystal Star!" exclaimed Goombella.

"Yeah, that thing. We just told 'em we never heard of it," said Puniper nonchalantly.

"Oh, Petuni…" moaned Punio. "Well, we shouldn't just stand around! C'mon, we have to save the others!"

"Again, no dice, Punio!" snapped Puniper. "Do the math. It'd be eleven Punies and these seven giants against an also giant, great, and very powerful army! Maybe if you free everyone else, THEN MAYBE we'll join your little uprising."

"Fine! Deal!" said Punio, desperate. "So where are they being held?"

"Hey! We've done enough right now! Find 'em yourself!" spat Puniper.

"Come, everyone!" said Rolf. "Let us save the hallowed Punies!"

"…Puniper, you jerk," muttered Punio under his breath as he climbed back onto Rolf's shoulder. Rolf and Punio led the group down the pathway into a nearby pipe that led higher up the tree.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Hey! Shut up and keep quiet in there!" demanded the X-Naut named Erixon as he kicked the exterior of the Punies' blue-colored prison. The Punies gasped and gathered to the rear of the cage as Erixon walked away.

"Punibeth… I'm so scared…" quavered a small female Puni, who resembled Punio but with a pink antenna bulb.

"It'll be okay, Petuni," replied her friend, Punibeth. "If your brother is even half as great as you say, he'll be back."

"No, he won't! He ran like a coward!" snapped another Puni.

"Oh, shut up, Punica! You sound like Puniper, and no one likes a negative Nancy," Punibeth fired back.

"I said shut up!" shouted Erixon, kicking the cage again.

"Erixon!" bellowed a new voice. As Erixon looked, two more X-Nauts entered the room, carrying a pole with someone tied to it and wearing a bag over his or her head.

"A new prisoner. Excellent job, Rodolfo, Xavier," said Erixon.

As Petuni and the other Punies watched, Rodolfo removed the bag from this new prisoner's head, revealing him to be a human boy with pale white skin and matching platinum-blonde hair with a notable cowlick. He also wore a sort of brace around his head that seemed to connect to his upper teeth. Right now, though, this human boy appeared to be unconscious, as his eyes were closed and he wasn't squirming.

"I had to knock him out to keep him from crying and squirming," said Xavier.

"Well, yes, we certainly cannot have that," replied Erixon.

"So Erixon, what should we do with this one?" asked Rodolfo.

"We chuck him into the cage with the rest of them!" demanded Erixon. As he unlocked and opened the cage, Rodolfo and Xavier took the boy, still tied to the pole, and thrusted him inside, before slamming the gate shut and locking it back up.

"And when that freak Mario and his friends come to save them, we will ambush them and finally take him down!" laughed Rodolfo.

"X-Nauts!" rang the voice of yet another X-Naut, who entered the room carrying a single Puni struggling in his hand.

"Ah, X-Naut Fox, you've brought the elder of the Punies," noted Erixon.

"Elder!" shouted Petuni.

"SILENCE! I won't tell you again!" spat Erixon as he kicked the Punies' cage yet again. The X-Naut named Fox chucked the Puni elder into a red cage and locked the gate. Chuckling, Fox then placed a red key in his pocket before leaving the room through the opposite entryway.

"Now we wait," said Rodolfo, as he, Xavier, and Erixon went into hiding. "They should arrive at any moment now."

As if on cue, Rolf emerged from a nearby pipe, with Punio on his shoulder. He was followed by Mario, then Edd, then Madame Flurrie, then Koops, then Goombella, and finally Nazz bringing up the rear.

"Elder!" called Punio. The green-bulbed Puni guided his new friends to the red cage where the Puni elder was being held.

"Punio?" said the elder. "Is that you? You're looking well."

"You seem really calm, Elder. Why? You're trapped, and this is our daring rescue of you!" said Punio.

"A rescue… Yes, those are fun… But perhaps you should rescue the other Punies before you rescue me," said the elder.

During this conversation, Rolf started sniffing around, as if detecting an unseen presence.

"Big brother!" came Petuni's voice from the other cage.

"Petuni!" called Punio almost immediately.

"Quick! Get out of here! It's an ambush!" she warned them.

"Rolf knows this," said Rolf. "Ed-boy! Take Punio!" Rolf immediately picked up Punio and placed the green-bulbed Puni on Edd's shoulder. Just then, Rodolfo, Erixon, and Xavier emerged from their hiding spot. Punio became confused and scared before he spotted Rolf charging the three X-Nauts head on.

With a shout in his native tongue, Rolf slammed his bag into Rodolfo with all his might, sending the soldier flying into Erixon, knocking them dizzy. Xavier managed to leap onto Rolf's head, but in a heartbeat, the tall blue-haired youth tossed him right off, near the other two soldiers. Edd readied his rod and began charging into the fight.

"Step back, Ed-boy!" yelled Rolf, raising his hand. "This is Rolf's fight! Rolf shall overcome them himself!"

Edd nodded and stepped back toward the others as Rolf slammed his bag right into Xavier's face, breaking his goggles. Rodolfo attempted to jump-attack Rolf in a last-ditch attempt to avenge his partner, but the tall son of a shepherd quickly tossed the X-Naut off of him, sending him flying back into Xavier. Once again consumed by rage, Rolf began mercilessly beating the fallen X-Nauts rapidly, forcing Edd to intervene.

"ROLF! That is enough!" shouted Edd. "They're down! There's no need to continue beating them at this time!"

Rolf growled and begrudgingly put away his bag, while Punio quickly darted to the side of the cage where the other Punies were being held.

"Sister! Petuni!" exclaimed Punio.

"Brother! Punio! I knew you'd be back!" replied Petuni, sharing her brother's sentiment. "I never lost any hope, unlike _some_ people," she fired back at the cynical Punica.

It was then that Nazz peered into the cage and saw the human child tied to the pole, the one thing that stood out from the Punies in the cage. She gasped as she almost immediately recognized him, and as she watched with surprised eyes, the boy was starting to regain consciousness.

"Double-D! Rolf!" exclaimed Nazz. "Look, guys! In the cage, tied to the pole! _It_ ' _s Jimmy_!"

As Edd and Rolf joined Nazz outside the cage, the boy inside the cage woke with a start upon hearing this familiar voice calling his name, and began squirming in his bindings.

"Nazz! Rolf! Double-D!" called Jimmy, excitedly squirming; having anticipated that he would eventually be rescued. "I'm so glad you guys are alive!"

"Rolf is pleased to see that Boy Jimmy has survived the wrath of the seas!" said Rolf.

"We've all longed to see a friendly face around here, Jimmy!" said Edd, sharing Jimmy's sentiment.

"As have I, Double-D!" exclaimed Jimmy. As he continued to squirm in his bindings, he still sounded the same with his usual high and timid tone of voice. "Please, guys! Get me out of here!"

"Yeah, get us out of here too!" called Punibeth.

"Madame promises zat we will do what we can to save vous tous," said Flurrie to Jimmy and the imprisoned Punies. "We just need to find ze key."

"AAH!" screamed Jimmy at the sight of Madame Flurrie. "WHAT IS THAT?!"

"It's okay, Jimmy! She's with us! She's one of the good guys!" said Edd, attempting to placate Jimmy.

"Just sit tight, Jimmy, we'll get you all out of there! We promise!" said Nazz.

"O-okay," replied Jimmy timidly. "But please hurry! This whole thing – being locked in a cage with these squiggly-wigglies – is frightening!"

"Did he just call us 'squiggly-wigglies'?" whispered Punica.

"We shall return shortly, Jimmy!" reassured Edd as he and Rolf led their band of heroes into a nearby chamber.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Since those Punies won't give up the location of the Crystal Star, this is perfect payback!" laughed Fox. "But man, this is brutal. How much longer till we find that stinkin' thing?"

He was in a room that appeared to be a storage unit. There were treasure boxes near the far wall, a small stack of wooden crates near the back wall, and two iron artifacts that resembled pencils. Aside from the gentle sound of flowing water coming from the irrigation networks in the walls, it was quiet.

"Either those Punies are playing dumb about it, or it's not an act and they really don't know a thing about it," mused Fox to himself. "Which makes no sense, considering they live here! Hmm… maybe we're lookin' in the wrong place or something…"

Just then, Fox was startled by a noise coming from the direction of the nearby knothole. He whirled around and saw something emerge from the open hole. Before he could react, however, he was struck with a blow to the head, and everything went dark.

"That was too easy," chuckled the intruder. "Security stinks around here… now, let's see…"

Just then, the nearby door opened, startling the intruder, who believed it to be backup for the X-Naut that she had just knocked out. She was instead greeted with some familiar faces: Edd, Nazz, Mario, Goombella, and Koops had walked through the door, flanked by Rolf, Punio, and Madame Flurrie.

"Look, guys!" said Nazz. "This guy's been knocked out."

"Hmm… It would seem we're not the only ones to infiltrate this tree," said Edd.

"Hello?" called Mario. "Is-a someone there?"

"Oh, well, ain't this a mighty-fine treat!" laughed the intruder. She hopped on top of the unconscious X-Naut Fox, revealing herself to be someone that much of the group had met before.

"Wait… Aren't you Ms. Mowz?" asked Nazz. "Didn't we see you back at Hooktail's castle?"

"Mowz?" inquired Flurrie.

"If it ain't my gorgeous cheese-hunk Mario and his worldly friends!" said Ms. Mowz. "Why, we simply gotta stop meetin' like this, don't you think?"

"Excusez-moi? Qu'est-ce que c'est?" demanded Flurrie. "Are vous un friend of zese peoples? Oh…" she added, a tinge of jealousy in her voice. "I see. And I most certainly do NOT approve of zis!"

"Still thieving around, hotshot?" Goombella fired back at Ms. Mowz. "What brings a Mouser like you to this tree?"

"'Thieving' is such a strong, crude word," chuckled Ms. Mowz. "I prefer to call it treasure-hunting, little lady! I think I'll simply help myself to some of this 'X' stuff and leave."

"You know this one?" asked Punio to Rolf.

"No, but it seems Mustache-Mario-Man and the others do," replied Rolf. They, apart from Flurrie, were the only ones who hadn't met Ms. Mowz prior to this.

"Well, if you must know, my search for badges at Hooktail's castle went kind of bust," replied Ms. Mowz to Goombella's question. "So when I heard that there might be badges here in this here tree, of course I came a-lookin'. Problem is, though, I've been runnin' into a lot more trouble than I expected."

With that, Ms. Mowz darted up to Mario and planted a kiss on him, causing Flurrie to glare in disgust and Goombella, Edd, and Nazz to look away.

"But who cares about that? It's just lovely to see you again, my handsome high-falutin' cheese-hunk!" laughed Ms. Mowz.

"Ugh, you are such a flirt!" said Goombella, disgusted.

"Sacre-bleu, Mario!" remarked Flurrie as Ms. Mowz began hopping back up to the knothole. "Vous are popular avec all of ze femmes, non?"

"By the way, y'all here looking for a Crystal Star?" called back Ms. Mowz. "I remember that's why y'all were at Hooktail's castle to begin with."

"How did you- So you know where it is, then?" inquired Edd.

"Yup!" replied Ms. Mowz as she climbed back down from the knothole and approached Edd. "Thief to thief, I can tell you that the Crystal Star y'all are looking for is near the bottom of this dang tree. Good luck in your hunt! Oh, and Mario, you handsome cheese-hunk o' man, we should definitely get together again soon! Y'all come back now, ya hear!"

With that, Ms. Mowz climbed back up the stack of crates to the knothole, and hopped out, exiting the tree.

"That Ms. Mowz or whoever must have the hots for you, Mario," said Punio.

"As _off-putting_ as that was," piped up Edd, "thanks to her, we finally have a lead."

Just then, they had heard a groaning noise coming from X-Naut Fox, who was coming to.

"Ugh, my aching head…" he groaned.

As Fox stood up, he locked eyes with Mario and the others, who had begun to ready themselves.

"Hey! Which one of you is the dirtbag who clocked me in the head?" demanded Fox. "Actually, don't answer that. You fight dirty, you GET dirty! And I'll be doin' the dirtyin'!"

Fox charged at them, but Mario swung his hammer hard on the X-Naut's head, knocking him out again. Edd found this painful to witness, so he looked the other way.

"Double-D? Are you okay?" asked Nazz, concerned.

"Oh… yes, of course, Nazz," replied Edd.

"That wasn't very convincing. It sounds like this violence is really getting to you," said Nazz, placing a hand on Edd's shoulder.

"My apologies, Nazz. It's difficult to strike someone, or even observe someone getting struck, without feeling bad for them," he told her.

"I feel ya, dude," said Nazz.

"Ho-ho! Come, friends! This nincompoop possessed a key!" said Rolf, holding up a red key that they had extracted from Fox's pocket.

"Hopefully this key will open one of those cells in the other room," said Edd.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Curse this hooey!" shouted Rolf. Back in the prison chamber, he had tried to insert the key into the cell containing Jimmy and the Punies, but it didn't fit the lock. Rolf shook the door violently, causing the timid Punies to sidle backward a ways, and Jimmy to stare in awe and with a bit of fear; he had never seen Rolf so enraged.

"This accursed door will not open!" shouted Rolf in anger. "These foul X-Nauts have chosen the wrong species to mess with! So long as Rolf shall live, the son of a shepherd shall bring this atrocity to an end!"

"Wait just a moment!" Edd chimed in. "Rolf! Let me see that key!"

Rolf thrust the key into Edd's hand. The sock-headed youth dashed to the cage holding the Puni elder and inserted the key. It fit perfectly into the lock. Edd turned the key and opened the elder's cage.

"Elder!" exclaimed Punio, sidling into the elder's cage. "We're back! We're here to rescue you!"

"FOOLISH CHILD!" bellowed the elder, doubling herself in size, taking everyone else aback. "Punio! Sit down this instant and keep your mouth shut!"

"Dang! She reminds me of my mother," noted Nazz.

"W-w-what? Why? What did I do?" quavered Punio.

"And that sounds like something Ed would say to Sarah," noted Edd.

"Elder, I don't understand why you're so upset!" Punio protested. "We came here to help you-"

"Stop your mumbling! And mind your elders, you whelp!" the elder scolded. "How could you abandon your poor sister Petuni and run off like that? You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.

"B-but Elder… I only went to find help…" Punio protested.

"Stop with the whining!" scolded the elder again. "You never, EVER interrupt and elder mid-lecture! You wonder why the other Punies sometimes call you a doofus? Yeah, that's why. Your time to be a doofus is over, because you will have to one day lead the Punies! That day is drawing ever closer now, and that is why you need to listen! First of all…"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Two hours later…

"…or else! You got that, Punio? From now on, you need to get your act together!" snapped the elder. By this time, everyone besides the elder had dozed off, except for Rolf and Punio.

"Yes, Elder," replied Punio. "Yes, I understand."

"Only answer once!" demanded the elder. "By the way… why are you here anyway?"

"It's like I said, Elder," replied Punio. "I can't save you guys alone, so I went to find help. I ran into this team of heroes, who I heard recently saved a town in the flowery meadows from a fearsome dragon called Hooktail, and so I thought they gotta be what we were looking for! And besides, it was your key we found first, so we had to save you first."

"…Hm, well, all right. I really should calm down," sighed the elder pensively. Perhaps you're right, Punio. For now, let's return to the foyer and-"

"-and recruit the remaining Punies to begin the evtomtali," Rolf interjected.

"Yes, that is correct," said the elder to Rolf. "How did you know this?"

"O wise elder of the Punies, I am Rolf, son of a shepherd," said Rolf, kneeling down before her. "In Rolf's Old Country on Earth, the Punies are sacred creatures."

"And I suppose you know what the evtomtali is, then?" inquired the elder.

"A plan, or meeting arrangement, among Punies to make decisions or proceed with a future event," said Rolf, as if he had read it in the dictionary.

"That's correct," mused the elder pensively. "I wonder… are you…?"

"Is Rolf what, o wise elder?"

"Hm. I shall explain in the evtomtali," said the elder.

"Petuni!" called Punio, dashing to the other cage. "I'll be back for you, I promise!"

"HEROES!" shouted Rolf, jolting everyone else awake from their nap. "Come! It is time to go!"

The elder led the way out of the room, followed closely by Rolf and Punio, with the others not too far behind.

"WAIT!" called Jimmy in a panic. "Guys! Please! Don't leave me here!"

"I promise, Jimmy, we're coming back for you!" called Edd as Koops ushered him into the pipe to follow the others.

Petuni sidled over to Jimmy, hoping to comfort him.

"Don't worry, you'll be okay, okay?" she said. "Because my brother-"

"AAH!" Jimmy screamed. "Get away from me, squiggly-wiggly!"

Petuni was confused at his shouting; as she looked, tears began to form in the frightened boy's eyes.

"Please relax! I'm only trying to-"

"GET AWAY! PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE! WAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Jimmy's screaming gave way to loud and fearful sobbing, as tears started to flow rapidly from his eyes like a fountain. Still tied to the pole on the floor, he cried loudly as the other Punies gathered around him. Jimmy began squirming again, this time more vigorously, desperate to escape his situation; as he did so, the Punies took a few steps back, except for Petuni, who was genuinely concerned for him.

 **End of Part Two**


	11. 2-3: Revolution

**Chapter 2: The Great Boggly Tree**

 **Part 3: Revolution**

The Puni elder led the heroes back to the foyer of the tree, where Puniper and the other nine Punies awaited. Puniper, seeing as only the elder was among the heroes, was not impressed.

"Oh, great, Punio's back," he griped. "Hmph! Yeah, I meant that! I can't say I expected you to manage to rescue the elder..."

"See? I told you!" replied Punio.

"BUT don't let your head swell up!" Puniper spat back. "This doesn't change the fact that I will NEVER accept you as our next leader! And I can't say I trust these people behind you, either. I mean, for starters, you failed to rescue the other Punies! So you know what? The deal's OFF! You got that? I'm not helping you one bit, and that's THAT!"

" **YOU INSOLENT MULE**!" shouted the elder, doubling in size once again, scaring everyone in the room except for Rolf. "Deplorable! How dare you speak like this, knowing what we're up against! Now is the time for us to stand together and take back our tree! Do you not see this?"

"But… Elder…" began Puniper.

"SHUT YOUR TRAP, PUNIPER!" demanded the elder furiously. "You pretend to act tough and care for your fellow Punies, but this behavior you've exhibited only proves the opposite – that you are a worthless, heartless good-for-nothing!"

"What- How- I can't believe you just said that to me!" protested Puniper. "I'm _not_ heartless, and I _do_ have worth! To be perfectly honest, I'm worried about Petuni, as well, and Punica and the others. But am I the only one being _realistic_ here? Those X-Nauts aren't working by themselves – they've formed an alliance with the Jabbies!"

"Jabbies?" inquired Edd. "Pray tell, what are 'Jabbies?'"

"A winged species not that much bigger than the Punies," explained Rolf, seething. "The Jabbies are the sworn enemies of the Punies! They try to take everything for themselves, including this tree! This situation is as wild as Nana's back hair!"

"How- Elder? How does this blue-haired giant know all that?" asked Puniper, rather unnerved by Rolf's knowledge of their existence and lifestyle.

"I am not entirely sure, Puniper," replied the elder more calmly, as she approached Rolf with an air of curious fervor. "Somehow, someway, this child seems to know everything about us, despite having never met us before now. He also seems to want to defend us staunchly."

"Yeah, Rolf, what is going on with you?" inquired Nazz.

"Rolf has explained this many times now, inquisitive Nazz-girl," replied Rolf. "Rolf knows the Punies to be sacred creatures in his Old Country."

"Interesting… I wonder…" said the elder once again.

The occupants of the room went quiet, rapt with attention at what the elder had to say next.

"A thousand years ago, around the time of the fall of the ancient city," said the elder, "it was prophesized by the oracle that a hero from another world would rise up to save us all in the future. The more I think about it, the more I believe that this child, the one called 'Rolf,' is the hero that the oracle spoke of."

"Rolf?" asked Nazz. "Did you know this?"

"Not completely, curious-cat Nazz-girl," replied Rolf. "But somehow, before Rolf relocated to our humble little cul-de-sac, he knew he had a future with the Punies. Though never did the son of a shepherd know that his future would be to save them."

"As you are now aware, Rolf, we need you now more than ever," said the elder. "Join us in our fight for our home."

"Rolf accepts!" proclaimed Rolf. "Now let us begin the Puni revolution! Hyah!"

The other Punies in the room, Punio and Puniper included, repeated Rolf's "Hyah!" battle cry.

"There you go, my Punies! That's the fighting spirit!" proclaimed the elder.

Rolf took lead position as the rest of the group, now with the Punies in the room, prepared to leave the room and begin their revolution.

"There is one last thing!" called the elder, stopping them in their tracks.

The elder sidled behind one of the Puni statues in the foyer and returned with a peculiar-looking rock. This rock appeared to be in the shape of the sun, perhaps in a more accurate portrayal than the Sun Stone previously found in Petal Meadows, with a bright orange hue. However, it also bore an image of a Puni on it.

"This is the orb of the Punies," she said. "It is a sign of a good and heroic leader of the Punies. You'll find stone statues with empty slots in this tree. Place this emblem in such a statue, and it will gather the Punies to stand still at this rock. They are trained to do this." She carried the stone to Rolf, who took the stone in his hand.

"Thank you, yes, thank you, wise elder," said Rolf.

"Be careful, all of you," said the elder, seeing off the heroes and the fellow Punies.

"Yes, wise elder," said Rolf. "Punies! Heroes! Follow Rolf!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Rolf led the heroes and the Punies through several large passageways through the tree. Soon, they arrived in a large room with a small river flowing across the floor halfway in. What made this room notable was the strange nest in the back of the room. It was gray in appearance, with a mechanical door at its entrance and a round red light above it; the light was off.

"Whoa, that thing's huge," Goombella observed, noting the size of the nest. "What is that?"

"That's a Jabbi hive," replied Punio, somewhat nervously.

"Better watch out. That hive might not be empty," warned Puniper.

"Ho ho! Zat is nothing zat mon petit Mario cannot 'andle!" proclaimed Flurrie, smiling at Mario somewhat amorously.

"Get a room, you two," mumbled Goombella under her breath.

"No, Madame Wind Spirit," said Rolf. "This is a matter of the Punies, the Jabbies, and the son of a shepherd."

All of a sudden, an alarm began to sound from the hive, the red light over the door signifying this. The mechanical door opened.

"What's going on?!" asked Koops.

"Looks like the X-Nauts decided to help them out," said Nazz.

From the open door, a troop of Jabbies began pouring out from the hive, no more than ten.

"It's a ten-Jabbi squadron!" proclaimed Mario.

"Stay back, heroes! Rolf and the Punies shall lead this fight!" shouted Rolf, raising a hand to keep back the others.

The Jabbies had aligned themselves in a Y-formation, steeling themselves to defend their technologically-enhanced hive.

"Punies! Now is the time! Prepare to defeat them!" shouted Rolf. "CHARGE!"

Rolf led the Punies into battle with the squadron of Jabbies. What followed immediately was the clash of antennae, wings, and (in Rolf's case) fists. As it got messy, the others could only watch from the corner of the room.

"Just when I thought things couldn't be any more peculiar," said Edd.

After about a minute and a half, the brawl finally came to an end, with the Jabbies on the ground, beaten and defeated.

"Come, heroes!" proclaimed Rolf to the rest of the group. He led them out of the chamber, deeper into the tree.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Jimmy continued to squirm where he was. Despite his efforts, his bindings refused to give way, rendering him unable to free himself.

"What's with you, kid?" Punica asked Jimmy, somewhat rudely.

"Hey, cool it, Punica," Petuni fired back. "This poor child has obviously suffered a traumatic experience."

Petuni hobbled closer to Jimmy, who tried to recoil in fright.

"What are you doing?" he shouted.

"Please, just trust me for a second," Petuni replied. She then began to nibble on the rope that bound Jimmy to the pole, and it partially snapped. Seeing this progress, Petuni continued the effort.

"What are you doing?" Jimmy shouted again.

"Chewing through these bindings to loosen them up," replied Petuni. "It might make it easier to wriggle free."

"Um… th-thanks, I-I guess," stuttered Jimmy nervously.

"By the way, my name's Petuni," replied Petuni. "And this is my friend, Punibeth."

As Petuni said this, Punibeth approached them, inciting a frightened cry of "Eep!" from Jimmy.

"Jimmy, was it? Is something the matter?" asked Punibeth, noting that Jimmy still had fear in his eyes.

"Those s-scary X-meanies kidnapped me a-and chucked me into a c-c-cage inside a-a huge tree," he lamented.

"You've no need to be afraid of _us_ , Jimmy," replied Petuni calmly, trying to placate Jimmy.

"Petuni's right," added Punibeth. "We're not like those X-Nauts. We won't harm you."

"Why should I believe you?" Jimmy fired back, about to cry again. "Those X-meanies said the same thing to me when I asked them to help me… then when I got close, they jumped me and tied me up and chucked me in here! So why should I believe you?"

Petuni looked away, downcast, as Punibeth attempted to comfort her and tears formed again in Jimmy's eyes. A soft rumbling sound brought them back to attention.

"Mmmf… I got a rumbly in my tummy," moaned Jimmy.

"You must be hungry," observed Petuni.

"Oh, what does it matter?" lamented Jimmy tearfully. "I've already learned my lesson in this place – don't trust anyone."

"But if you don't eat, you'll starve to death," noted Punibeth.

"Tell you what," offered Petuni. "We've got a few mush- er, _dried_ mushrooms to eat. They're small, so a few of us can lift them, but they should be enough to keep your hunger at bay."

"No… For all I know, you guys'll just poison me or something…" Jimmy quavered.

"You don't know us at all, do you?" inquired Petuni.

"Please… just leave me be," moaned Jimmy. He closed his eyes in depression. _How much longer am I going to last in here_? he thought to himself. _Oh_ , _the agony_...

Though she was saddened by this, Petuni remained determined to earn Jimmy's trust, one way or another. Jimmy closed his eyes and wept quietly, tears streaming from his eyes like rivers, not noticing that Petuni and Punibeth had resumed chewing through the frail boy's bindings.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"What's the status of this chamber?" inquired Edd.

The collective group had arrived in a new chamber hidden behind the Jabbi hive, with a single wooden box and four large statues, each depicting different symbols.

"Well, let's see… There's a single treasure chest," observed Nazz. "Other than that, nothing of real relevance in here."

"Not true, inquisitive Nazz-girl," Rolf rebutted, pointing toward four statues. "Observe these four monuments. Gaze upon the symbols on the monuments. Rolf has seen this before, in the home of the Professor Frankly."

"Have you now?" asked Mario.

 **FLASHBACK**

The group said their goodbyes to Frankly and proceeded to leave. Rolf, however, appeared to be fixated on something high upon Frankly's bookshelf – four plates, each depicting a different symbol. From left to right, they depicted the Sun, the crescent Moon, one of the creatures that Frankly had described (now revealed to be a Puni), and a star.

"Coming, Rolf?" asked Edd.

"Oh! Apologies, Ed-boy!" said Rolf, startled. "Rolf is coming!"

 **END FLASHBACK**

"Professor Frankly has four plates in his residence that depict these same exact symbols?" inquired Edd as he absorbed this new oversight. "Gracious, I hadn't even noticed that!"

"Hey, guys!" called Goombella. "Jackpot!"

Goombella, having opened the treasure box, approached the group with a blue-colored key in her teeth.

"All right! A key!" exclaimed Koops.

"This is just what we need to rescue not only your sister and the other Punies, but Jimmy as well!" noted Edd.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Punio. "We're coming, Petuni! Now to head back to the prison chamber…"

"THERE THEY ARE!" bellowed a voice.

Nazz suddenly felt something grab her in a headlock. It was an X-Naut referred to as Jaxon, according to the name-plate on his uniform.

"Nobody move, or the girl dies!" Jaxon demanded. The room fell silent, as tension mounted. "Now… give us the Punies, your Crystal Star, and the Map, and maybe I'll spare this girl her life."

"…Don't…do it,… guys… Run…" was all that Nazz managed to get out.

"You fiend!" snapped Edd. "You kidnap over one hundred innocent souls and threaten lives if you do not get your way! You truly are rotten to the core, you abhorrent, heartless-"

Edd was cut off from whatever swearword he was thinking of when he saw Nazz kick Jaxon in the thigh. Jaxon yelped in pain, allowing enough time for her to break free of the soldier's grasp.

"NOW!" shouted Edd, readying his rod.

Nazz continued to wail on X-Naut Jaxon before grabbing him in a headlock.

"Yeah? How's it feel, chump?" she spat at him. Jaxon broke free from her grasp, but she decked him again, sending him stumbling to the floor.

It was about then that X-Naut reinforcements began flooding into the room. Each soldier brandished a glowing staff – akin to the lightsabers of the _Star Wars_ franchise – and advanced on Nazz. Among these soldiers were Johnson and Rawlings, the two X-Nauts encountered in the foyer. Edd belted out a battle cry and slammed his rod on Rawlings's head. Having anticipated that the others would attack as well, he thrust his rod into the ground and sprung into the air as an X-Naut named Drucker swung at him, missing entirely.

 _Now_! thought Edd. Hanging onto the rod like a pole, Edd reached out with his leg and kicked Drucker, then – using Drucker's head as a spring pad – the sock-headed boy swung around his rod with his foot outstretched and performed a roundabout kick, knocking Drucker and all of the nearby X-Nauts, including Johnson, to the floor.

"Dang, Double-D! I had no idea you were so athletic!" Nazz marveled as she continued to beat up Jaxon.

"Yes, well, with determination, if you put your mind to it-" began Edd, who was quickly cut off.

"ED-BOY! DUCK!" shouted Rolf.

Edd dropped to the floor on Rolf's command as the son of a shepherd soared overhead with his bag of rocks and struck another X-Naut named Traynor.

By now, the X-Nauts were growing furious! Drucker regained his composure and swung his glowing staff, knocking Edd's rod right out of his hands. The rod flew and stuck into a wall on the other side of the room. Edd gasped in shock, which provided enough time for Drucker to deliver a blow to Edd's chest, knocking him to the floor.

This was enough for Mario and his faction to join the fight as well. Koops ducked inside his shell and launched himself at a team of X-Nauts, striking Traynor. Amid the recoil, Traynor lost his balance, and he fell backward onto his faction of X-Nauts, knocking them over like dominoes, with the rearmost soldier falling off of a ledge. Goombella jumped on an X-Naut named Farron, causing him to fall down. In response, Farron's teammate, Jeffries, moved in for an attack, but the quick-witted Goomba evaded the move with a well-executed jump. Looking at Jeffries's face, Goombella called to her team, "Hey guys! I found a weak spot!"

Goombella kicked some dirt toward Jeffries's eyes, covering his goggles and blinding him.

"GAH! I can't see!" shouted Jeffries. Blinded, he began swinging in random directions wildly, accidentally taking out Farron.

"YES! Their numbers are decreasing!" shouted Rolf. "Rolf thinks these monsters are running out of backup!"

"Good!" called Edd, as he retrieved his rod from the wall of the tree, which thankfully didn't pierce the irrigation system, otherwise the tree would have been flooded before too long.

"Oh yeah?" retorted Rawlings. "Get a load of THIS!"

Rawlings pulled out a flask containing a green-colored chemical concoction.

"What is that?" asked Nazz.

In response, Rawlings slammed the flask on the ground, enveloping the X-Nauts in a green cloud of smoke. The heroes covered their mouths and noses to prevent themselves from inhaling the rather toxic solution. When the smoke cleared, the heroes immediately saw what had happened – the remaining X-Nauts had now doubled physically in size.

"Aw man!" said Nazz.

"Excellent! All-a the easier to strike-a them!" said Mario as he brought his hammer down on Farron. In response, Farron swung his staff and struck Mario. Due to the X-Nauts' increased physical size, this strike seemed to cause immense pain, evidenced by Mario's pained yelp.

"MARIO!" shouted Flurrie.

"This soldier's overwhelming-a size is not a force-a to be underestimated-a," groaned Mario.

"Vous shall pay pour wounding mon petit Mario!" shouted Flurrie in rage. She drew a long, deep breath, and with great force, exhaled a powerful gust of wind. Edd quickly thrust his rod into the ground, attempting to maintain gravity, but Flurrie's wind powers were about as strong as the howling winds of a hurricane, enough to actually lift Edd off of the ground. _I wonder_ , he thought to himself, _at this trajectory_ …

Edd slowly released his grip on the rod, and as the hurricane-force winds carried him, he readied his foot. In midair, he made contact with Johnson at high speed, sending him flying into Rawlings, Jaxon, Johnson, and the others behind them, sending them over the ledge onto the lower level where Traynor now was.

This left Drucker, Jeffries, and Farron.

Koops, now with Goombella riding on his shell, launched himself mach-speed at Drucker, striking him full-force in the face; as they made contact, Goombella hopped off of Koops and delivered a powerful double head-bonk attack on Drucker as well, sending him careening off of the ledge. With Drucker out of the way, Mario and Nazz tag-teamed up to deliver a combo attack of their own, with Mario's hammer and Nazz's fists striking Jeffries hard enough to send him off of the ledge as well, leaving only Farron.

"Now to end this!" shouted Edd.

The sock-headed boy readied his rod and prepared to strike Farron head-on, but Rolf got there first, jumping over Edd and whacking the X-Naut with his rock-filled bag, shattering his glasses. Rolf continued his onslaught until Farron, too, dropped from the ledge.

"Incredible! Thank you guys!" said Punio, as he and the other Punies emerged from their hiding spot behind the statues.

"We waste time dawdling! Let us save the prisoners now!" shouted Rolf.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"All right! You came back!" proclaimed Petuni as the heroes and the Punies returned to the prison chamber with the blue key.

Rolf took the key, inserted it into the lock, and turned it, unsealing the lock. But instead of turning the cage door handle, he shouted in his Old Country tongue and tore the door off of its hinges, tossing it aside.

"Brother!"

"Sister!"

Punio and Petuni ran over to each other and embraced, inciting mixed reactions of "aww" or "eww" from the other Punies.

"Jimmy!" shouted Edd to Jimmy. "See, we told you we'd be back for you!"

As Rolf ushered the Punies out of the cage and observed as they became reacquainted, Edd and Nazz entered the cage to unbind Jimmy from the pole. By now, Petuni and Punibeth had chewed through enough of the rope so that it was simpler for the two to free him.

"Oh, thank heavens!" he cried, embracing Edd and Nazz tearfully. "I was so frightened! I thought these squiggly-wigglies were gonna nibble on me! Or worse!"

"It'll be okay, Jimmy," Nazz reassured him. "You're with me and Double-D and Rolf now. And we have some new friends, too, for you to meet. They're on our side."

One by one, the others introduced themselves to Jimmy:

"It's-a me! Mario!"

"I'm Goombella!"

"Bonjour! Je m'appelle Madame Flurrie!"

"Um… my name's Koops."

Jimmy looked at his friends' new companions, one by one, and grew ever more uneasy.

"It's okay, Jimmy," reassured Edd. "They helped us find you and save you!"

"Everyone! This revolution has not yet drawn to its conclusion!" shouted Rolf. "We must obtain the Crystal Star and return this tree to the Punies!"

"Right! Let's go!" proclaimed Edd.

 **End of Part Three**


	12. 2-4: Reclaiming the Tree

**Chapter 2: The Great Boggly Tree**

 **Part 4: Reclaiming the Tree**

Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie, now joined by the recently-rescued Punies, exited the prison chamber and navigated through the tree before finding themselves in a peculiar chamber. This room was rather strange, as the only notable article of decoration in here was a single stone statue, with a slot in which to insert the Puni Orb.

"Intriguing," said Edd as he examined the statue closely with his magnifying glass. "This must function as a key of some sort, much akin to those two indented boulders at the Petal Meadows whose key-stones opened the way to Hooktail's castle."

Turning to Rolf, he added, "Now Rolf, as I recall, the elder of the Punies gifted you with a stone emblazoned with an image of a Puni. Perhaps you should insert the stone into this slot here and see what happens."

Rolf extracted the Puni Orb he had received from the elder and inserted it into the slot on the statue, and all of the 101 Punies gathered in front of it.

"O… kay, so what's the story with this thing?" inquired Goombella.

Suddenly, before anyone could answer, Edd heard the sound of chains rattling from above, getting louder and louder. In an instant, he looked up – and saw another cage dropping down!

"IT'S A TRAP!" he shouted.

But it was too late. The large cage came crashing down around all 109 members of the collective group. Seconds later, a new warp pipe emerged from the ground nearby.

"Buh! Buh-huh! Buh-huh-huh!" came the sound of crazed laughter from inside the pipe.

"Who's there?!" demanded Edd. "I must insist that you show yourself at once!"

Edd's question was answered immediately by the arrival of a large X-Naut wearing a purple bandana, flanked by Rodolfo and Xavier from the prison chamber. Almost immediately, Edd recognized the large soldier from their first encounter at Rogueport's harbor when he and Nazz had first arrived in the town after the freak storm at sea.

"Crump!" he spat. "I should have known."

"Man, youse guys are dense!" boasted Lord Crump. "Dat's a brilliant little trap, huh? And BOY, did youse fall for it like a gaggle o' fish!"

"Explain yourself this instant!" demanded Edd.

"Stuff it, ya Nancy-boy from the Rogueport docks," Crump retorted. "See, I heard 'bout dem pedestals where ya slide a li'l bitty stone into a slot dere, see? So I went ahead 'n made a fake one. It wuz awesome, ya see? I knew it wuz great 'n all, but seein' youse fall for it, hook, line, 'n sucka, really makes da Crumpmeister all warm 'n fuzzy inside. Buh! Buh! Buh-huh-huh! Like, talk about total morons! Youse numbskulls is so dumb, it hurts!"

"You loathsome little-" began Edd, but Crump held up a finger to silence him.

"Ah, ah, ah, Nancy-boy," Crump fired back in a scolding manner. "See, wit' youse outta da way, pickin' up dat dere Crystal Star'll be a cinch. Oh, 'n fo' youse Punies who revere yer tree, ya see: maybe I oughta ask youse, after I _burn dis sucka down_ , if it wuz woith it! Dat is, if youse survive. Buh! Buh! Buh-huh-huh!"

"You guys are horrible, disgusting creeps!" spat Koops.

"Absolutement! Vous are terrible!" added Flurrie.

"SHUDDAP, LOSERS!" Crump fired back. "An' just accept ya fates!"

Lord Crump promptly left the room, laughing, exiting from the same way in which the heroes entered – through the doorway, followed by Rodolfo and Xavier.

"Freaks," groaned Nazz, referring to the X-Nauts.

"Those horrid harstimers!" Rolf spat in anger.

"What's a harstimer?" asked Goombella. Rolf whispered the definition of "harstimer" in the Goomba girl's ear, and she recoiled in disgust.

"UGGGH!" she yelled. "Rolf, that is DISGUSTING!"

"Well, they are!" Rolf fired back. "As the son of a shepherd and the hero of the Punies, Rolf shall lead the way to victory!"

"Explicitly!" proclaimed Edd. "Let's get out of this tightly-fit ensconcement and find a way to free the Punies and take back this tree."

Within seconds, Edd had entered his paper-thin form and slid through the bars with ease before returning to his original form, inciting surprised and shocked gasps from the Punies, Madame Flurrie, and Jimmy all at once.

"What the- DOUBLE-D, HOW DID YOU _DO_ THAT?!" shouted Jimmy.

"Mario?" said Edd, nodding at Mario.

"Okey-dokey!" replied Mario, catching the hint and flashing a thumbs-up. As Goombella and Koops followed Edd's lead and slid through the bars, the plumber took Jimmy by the hand.

"Aah! Are you out of your mind? Unhand me, you-" began Jimmy, but he was cut off as Mario turned flat as paper, the ability traveling to Jimmy as they held hands. The paper-thin Mario then led the paper-thin Jimmy through the bars before returning to their original forms.

"Jumpin' Jehoshophat, how did-" began Jimmy, but he was cut off again.

"No time to explain!" interrupted Nazz as she and Rolf worked together to help Flurrie through the bars. Within twenty seconds, anyone who wasn't a Puni was out of the cage.

"Unfortunately, we cannot do the same thing with the Punies," stated Edd. "One of us must remain here to guard them until we all return."

"You are correct, head-and-sock Ed-boy," said Rolf, turning to face Jimmy. "Boy Jimmy! Rolf entrusts you with the defense and welfare of the Punies!"

"What?! Me?" quavered Jimmy. "Why me?!"

"No offense, Jimmy, and I do hope that you forgive us," replied Edd, "but we need as much strength and experience as we can combine if we're going to help the Punies reclaim their home from the X-Nauts. But we shall return shortly."

"Yeah, if you're in trouble while we're gone, just think to yourself, 'What would Sarah do?'" added Nazz.

"Um… o-okay, I guess," said Jimmy, as the mental image of his auburn-haired protector and best friend began to cross his mind.

The others left the room through the doorway, leaving Jimmy once again all by himself with the Punies, a species he still didn't trust in the slightest. He glanced over at them nervously.

"Jimmy?" asked Petuni from inside the cage. "Are you all right?"

"No, I'm not all right, just please leave me be," replied Jimmy.

As if the pale boy's situation couldn't be any worse, Xavier returned from the doorway and spotted him alone outside the cage.

"Hey! How'd you get outta that cage?" he demanded, brandishing his glowing X-Naut staff.

"Aah! No!" screamed Jimmy.

"En garde!" shouted Xavier. He charged toward Jimmy and swung sideways with his staff, aiming for Jimmy's head. The pale boy ducked down quickly to avoid the impact. Xavier swung again, this time aiming for the child's ankles, but the nimble Jimmy jumped up and avoided that swing as well.

"Gah!" groaned the annoyed Xavier. "Hold still, you little brat!"

"Hang in there, Jimmy!" Punio called out encouragingly.

"Stop it! Leave me be already!" Jimmy shouted, jumping and ducking to avoid Xavier's attacks. "Whatever you squiggly-wigglies are trying to pull won't work on me!"

Turns out this split-second distraction by the Punies was all Xavier needed to finally connect with a blow to Jimmy's face. Jimmy let out a shriek of pain and flew across the room, colliding with the bars of the cage. Whimpering, he slowly began climbing to his feet. As he did so, he realized how close he was in proximity to the Punies – close enough to feel one Puni's antenna bulb touching his shoulder.

"Punilly? What are you-?" began Punibeth.

"AAAH!" screamed Jimmy. He jumped up in fright and accidentally flung Punilly off of him in the process. His mind was racing. _I_ ' _m gonna get killed in here_ , he thought to himself. _Either I_ ' _ll be beaten to death by this X-brute or nibbled to death by these squiggly-wigglies_ … _What do I do_?

Jimmy was too distracted by his racing thoughts, and failed to notice Xavier's staff in time as it struck him in the chest, leaving a sizable gash in his shirt and sending him crashing into the chamber's wooden wall. Jimmy managed to sit up, though not without struggling, as he was in great pain.

"Ho ho! This ends NOW, shrimp!" boasted Xavier, raising his staff and advancing on Jimmy.

 _He_ ' _s right_ , Jimmy thought in despair. _It DOES end here_ … _I_ ' _m gonna die here_ … _and I_ ' _ll have let down my friends_ , _and I_ ' _ll have let down my Sarah_ … _wait_ … _Sarah_! _What would Sarah do_? _How would she handle this_?

"Hey!" shouted Jimmy, pointing behind Xavier. "Isn't that your Crump-face guy barking orders?"

"What?" said Xavier, quickly turning the other way.

Time seemed to slow to a tortoise's crawl as Jimmy contemplated his next move. _Now_ ' _s my chance_ , he thought. _But what can I do_? _I remember when Eddy tried to make me his mirror image_ … _he taught me a few fighting moves_ …

Jimmy climbed to his feet and let out a shout. Xavier barely whirled around as Jimmy swung his small foot and delivered a swift kick to the soldier's ankle, tripping him and sending him down to the floor. The boy then winced loudly in pain – he had forgotten to take into account that the soldier was wearing solid metal boots. He then tried his best, despite his foot injury, to lift Xavier over his head, eventually succeeding. He limped over to the warp pipe and tossed the still-shocked Xavier into it with all his might.

With a pained shout, Jimmy then fell to the floor.

"Ouch! My foot! It's broken! Owie!" he shouted, clutching his injured foot. He looked around the room for a place to lie down and recover; the room was empty of everything except the cage containing the Punies, along with the false Puni podium that sprung the trap.

 _Okay_ , _how do I do that again_? he thought to himself. _I just imagine myself as paper_ , _right_? _And then_ …

He closed his eyes and imagined himself as paper, and within a split second, he had become paper-thin. His slim papery form limped back into the cage, and the Punies all crowded up against the square base of the bars to avoid being squished as the pale, injured boy reverted back to his original form and collapsed on the ground, close to passing out. As he hit the ground, he let out a groan of "Owie."

"Oh, dear, I think his foot's broken," said Petuni.

"Well, that serves him right for not trusting us!" spat Puniper.

"Stuff it, Puniper!" Petuni fired back. "I swear, you and Punica think too much alike. I guess that's a thing for first cousins."

"Petuni's right!" added Punio. "Jimmy saved us from that X-Naut! Show some respect, got it?!"

Punio and Petuni then sidled over to Jimmy as he lay limp.

"Please… just leave me be…" he moaned weakly.

"We can help," replied Punio.

"Leave… me be…" moaned Jimmy again.

"Why won't you trust us?" asked Petuni with an air of confusion and compassion.

"I haven't met anyone I could trust… since I wound up here…" he replied. "Why should I trust you…?"

"Please let us help you… for your own good," said Petuni. She and Punio gave a nod to the other Punies, and they approached Jimmy.

"No… please… owie…" he moaned softly. Losing the will to fight his injury, he closed his eyes and passed out.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Rolf had led his companions back to the room with the four engraved Puni statues.

"Rolf? Why have you led us back here?" inquired Edd.

"Rolf has finally worked out the meaning of these engravings, curious Ed-boy," replied Rolf. "There is a proverb in Rolf's old country passed down through the ages that reads, 'As day becomes night, the Punies play underneath the stars.'"

"Huh? What kind of a saying is that, Rolf?" inquired Nazz, raising an eyebrow.

"Aha! I see it, comrades!" stated Edd, observing the engraved statues. "Look closely at each statue. Each of them has a different symbol depicted on their carapaces. Currently the order seems to depict: Puni, sun, star, moon. I believe that the order of each engraving can be altered somehow. Going by the ancient proverb from Rolf's homeland, the correct order of the engravings should be, from left to right: sun, moon, Puni, star."

"That is correct, elementary-dear-Watson Ed-boy," proclaimed Rolf. "The matter that presently fools the brain of Rolf is how to swap these glyphs."

"Hmm, maybe there was something we missed when we were in here last," pondered Koops. "Like, maybe a hidden floor switch or something."

"That does seem like a possibility," added Goombella. "But it doesn't seem terribly likely, Koops. I highly doubt that we would have missed something _that_ important."

Indeed, while Goombella was very observant, this riddle seemed to have stumped even her.

"I share your sentiments very closely, Goombella," added Edd. "for I, too, concede to the ingenuity of the Punies. This is quite a quandary."

"Let us not-a give up," said Mario. "We shall-a be sure to find it."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Jimmy slowly came to in the cage. He slowly opened his eyes, and at first everything was blurry, but steadily became more and more clear. As he darted his eyes to look around, he saw that the Punies were all gathered around him, with Punio and Petuni being the closest in proximity to his face.

"No, please, don't!" he shouted on instinct and jumped up. As he did, however, he noticed that his leg was just fine, with no soreness or visible scarring – as if the injury never happened.

"Wait – I can move again?" he asked. "And it doesn't hurt? How…?"

"We applied some Puni first aid on your foot," replied Petuni.

"You'd be surprised at what can be accomplished with just an antenna and a few mushrooms," added Punio with a smile. "It was a group effort."

"Besides, you saved us from that X-Naut all by yourself," Petuni continued. "This is a way for us to say thanks."

"So even after everything I said to you, you made my owie go kapowie?" asked Jimmy.

"Um… we're not sure what that means, but yes," answered Petuni.

As strange as it seemed to Jimmy that his injuries were relieved rather quickly (and by antennae and mushrooms, no less), he was just grateful that it no longer hurt.

 _Wowie_ , _that was really nice of them_ , Jimmy thought to himself. _Maybe I CAN trust these squiggly-wigglies after all_ …

"Um… thank you," said Jimmy. He formed a shy smile on his face, the first time since he arrived in this strange new place. "That was really nice of you."

"There, he finally trusts us. Are you all happy now?" snapped Puniper. "Now can we stop wasting time?"

"There you are!" came the voice of Xavier, as he climbed back out of the warp pipe that Jimmy had tossed him through. "Thought you could be rid of me that easily, twerp?"

Seeing Xavier in the room, Jimmy felt a sudden surge of adrenaline rushing through his small body.

"All right, squiggly-wigglies," he said, sounding uncharacteristically determined. "I've gotta do this." He went flat as paper and slid through the bars of the cage, ready to fight.

"Well, look at you, from crybaby to fighter in all of five minutes," Xavier taunted. "Bring it on, pipsqueak!"

Jimmy ran head-on at Xavier at incredible speed. What he lacked in physical strength, he more than made up for in agility – as it seemed, all of those gymnastics lessons with Sarah had really paid off. In mid-sprint, he then performed a round-off dual back handspring and landed on Xavier's head, forcing the X-Naut to the floor, before somersaulting off and touching the ground feet-first.

"Gah!" groaned Xavier. "You'll pay for that, you little TWERP!"

Xavier whipped out his glowing X-Naut staff and did a few spins with it in his hand before charging at Jimmy, who jumped to avoid the resulting swing. As Jimmy continued to dodge the soldier's attacks, he realized that his agility could only go so far for so long.

 _Gee-willikers_ , _I won_ ' _t be able to keep this up for much longer_ , he thought to himself as he dodged each attack. _Not without a way for me to defend myself_.

Now with the boy and the X-Naut on opposite sides of the room, Xavier began charging at Jimmy, holding his staff in a position associated with pole-vaulting. In mid-dash, Xavier thrust the pole into the ground and lifted himself up, sticking his foot out with the intent of kicking the boy hard. In a split second, Jimmy sprinted to the opposite side of the room as Xavier smacked against the wall. In the time that this occurred, Jimmy seized the opportunity and grabbed the staff for himself.

"Gah…" groaned Xavier as he stood back up and regained his composure.

Xavier charged at Jimmy and threw a punch; thinking quickly, Jimmy blocked the attack with his new weapon. Xavier threw another punch, lower this time, but Jimmy successfully blocked that one as well. For the next several seconds, Jimmy was parrying Xavier's attacks with finesse and quick thinking, using the staff to deflect Xavier's punches and kicks. Soon, another opportunity presented itself – Jimmy leaped back and swung the staff at Xavier's lower thighs from behind, tripping him up as he had done before.

The X-Naut landed flat on his back, face-up, and Jimmy promptly stabbed the bottom of the staff through Xavier's armor and pierced right through it before releasing the staff. The staff was pierced right through the electronic radio device, rupturing it and sending sparks flying out and short-circuiting the device.

Xavier screamed in immense agony as the electricity surged through his body. This torture went on for ten seconds before it finally stopped.

"I'll be taking _this_ ," said Jimmy snidely, yanking the staff from Xavier's damaged uniform.

"Gah… you win this time, you… little brat," groaned Xavier, in pain and panting heavily. "But… I _will_ remember this… mark my words!" Xavier staggered off through the doorway, still receiving the occasional jolt from his ruptured radio device.

"Wowie-wow," said Jimmy, breathing a sigh of relief. "I've never been that strong before… that felt so good!"

"Whoo-hoo!" Petuni cheered from the cage. "Way to go, Jimmy!"

"That was awesome, Jimmy!" Punio called, echoing his sister's cheer. Jimmy looked back at the Punies in the cage, positively beaming as the Punies simulated applause by clapping their antennae together.

"Yeah, even I gotta admit," said Puniper reluctantly, "I had my doubts, but you're pretty good at that."

"Thank you, thank you!" Jimmy said, bowing gracefully as if he had just performed successfully on stage.

The warp pipe nearby soon caught his eye, and with the staff in hand, he jumped into it. He emerged in a new room with four statues, each depicting a different symbol – from left to right, the Sun, Moon, Puni, and Star glyphs. There was also a cubic black switch on the floor, with an exclamation mark depicted on all sides of it.

"Hm?" he asked himself, as curiosity overcame him. "What's this thingie?"

After a short ten-second pause, he struck the switch with the staff, logo-first.

XXX000XXX000XXX

All of a sudden, four switches appeared in the statue room where the rest of the heroes were.

"What the heck?" Koops blurted out. "How in the…?"

"My, my, intriguing!" said Edd. "It seems like these were activated from elsewhere in the tree." As he pondered this, he wondered if Jimmy had stumbled onto something.

"No matter. Rolf believes he knows what to do," said Rolf. "Mustached one! Assist Rolf!"

Rolf and Mario began pressing each switch, which altered the glyphs depicted on the statues. Catching on to the pattern rather quickly, the two continued to press the switches until the correct order of glyphs was achieved: Sun, Moon, Puni, Star.

Now depicting the proper order of glyphs, the four statues suddenly disintegrated into dust, revealing a new doorway where the statues once were. The heroes entered the new doorway and found themselves face to face with a much larger treasure box, about the height of Nazz.

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" inquired Flurrie as she opened the chest. Reaching inside, she pulled out a pair of blue boots.

"So we did all of that for a new pair of boots?" asked Nazz incredulously.

"Not just any-a run-of-a-the-mill boots-a, Nazz," replied Mario. "These-a boots enable a new jump-a technique. Watch!"

Mario removed his own boots and applied the new blue pair before jumping. In midair, he then did a ground-pound, amazing the heroes.

"Interesting," mused Edd. "A pair of boots lets you do that?"

"Well, actually-a, Double-D, I've always-a been able to do-a that," chuckled Mario. "The boots are-a merely for-a the purposes of-a this story. That was-a their function in-a the original-a game."

"What?" inquired Nazz.

"Perhaps we can do this inside the trap that was sprung in the empty chamber with the false pedestal," remarked Edd, ignoring Mario's fourth-wall break. "I saw that the pipe from which that Lord Crump came out to taunt us led downward, so there must be a chamber down there as well."

"Excellent! There is no time to lose!" proclaimed Rolf. "To the Punies!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

The heroes made their way back to the once-empty chamber that now held all of the Punies in a single large cage. Since Mario was wearing the Super Boots now, he took lead position upon return to the cage. He immediately went flat as paper and re-entered the cage, followed by Rolf, then by Madame Flurrie. Inside the cage, Rolf removed the Puni Orb from the false pedestal while Mario performed a ground pound on a section of wooden flooring, breaking it.

From the room below, Jimmy was startled by a sudden noise. Looking up, he saw a hole open up in the ceiling, as if it had been pounded in.

"Ah!" he yelped, gripping his new weapon. "Who's there? Is it you X-brutes again? Don't make me have to use this!"

"Boy Jimmy?!" inquired Rolf. "Is that you down there?"

"Rolf?" Jimmy called back.

"No need for fear, one-is-a-lonely-number Jimmy!" Rolf called back as he jumped into the newly-formed opening. "Rolf is here-"

It was then that Rolf took notice of the glowing X-Naut staff that Jimmy had bogarted from Xavier earlier.

"Where did you get this, pale Jimmy?" inquired Rolf.

"One of those X-brutes showed up," replied Jimmy. "I was so frightened, but then I thought, 'What would Sarah do?'"

By now, they were joined by Edd, Nazz, Goombella, and Koops, who had entered through the warp pipe.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Mario and Flurrie developed the plan to get the Punies down to the lower level to escape their confinement. Mario gathered the Punies in front of the opening while Flurrie blew a gust of wind, sending them to the room where the others now were. Mario and Flurrie hopped down through the same opening afterwards, and with the Punies now free from their second prison, everyone regrouped.

"You managed to fend off an X-Naut all by yourself? Jimmy, that's amazing!" said Nazz, having learned of Jimmy's recent actions.

"And I snatched his glowie-stick away for myself, too!" said Jimmy, beaming. "After these squiggly-wigglies made my owie go kapowie."

"They're called Punies, Jimmy," said Nazz. "They're sacred to Rolf in his Old Country."

"What? Really?!" inquired the curious Jimmy, now facing Rolf.

"Yes, this is true, Boy Jimmy," said Rolf. "That is why Rolf must realize his destiny as the hero of the Punies and help them take back the tree they call home!"

"Let's-a go!" proclaimed Mario. "We've-a got no time-a to lose!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

The now-massive group, Punies included, found themselves, before long, inside a larger chamber in the tree – an altar of sorts, with ten Puni statues lining the walls, and a larger Puni statue in the rear center, with the number "101" engraved on it. In the center of the chamber was a circular dais. Behind the dais stood another pedestal with an indentation large enough to fit the Puni Orb.

"My word," Edd marveled. "This room appears to be a shrine of sorts."

"Perhaps the Crystal Star is in here?" inquired Goombella.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Jimmy, pointing at the pedestal.

"Stand back, friends," said Rolf. He brought out the Puni Orb and inserted it into the pedestal's indentation.

Almost immediately, bright flashes started occurring around them, causing all but Rolf to shield their eyes from the glaring brightness. Once the flashing subsided, they all opened their eyes, adjusting their vision to see clearly, and from the far central statue arose the Emerald Crystal Star, the second of seven. The Emerald Star floated down and came to rest in front of the large statue.

"All right!" proclaimed Goombella.

She dashed toward the star to pick it up, but was suddenly knocked aside by Lord Crump, who had been hiding in wait.

"Crump!" groaned Edd and Rolf, while Nazz tended to Goombella.

"Buh! Buh! Buh-huh-huh!" laughed Crump. "Am I lucky or what? Or am I just _goooooood_? Haha, I could just hear it now: 'Oh, what's dat, Lord Crump? Ya say ya needs a Crystal Star?' Den BOOM! Falls right into my lap!"

"I must insist you return that star to us, you cantankerous cretin!" demanded Edd.

"Well, dat's hilarious! Buh-huh-huh!" chuckled Crump. "It ain't like it gotch'ya names on it or summat! But still, dis is just embarrasin', wit' youse escapin' dat cell…"

Rolf seethed in rage as Crump laughed, holding up the star. Then Crump turned his attention to Jimmy.

"'Ey, you. Half-pint!" he demanded. "Xavier wants his staff back."

"No way! I'm keeping it!" shouted Jimmy.

"Well, den, I'm keepin' DIS!" Crump fired back, holding up the star. "But hey, ya know what, I'm feelin' generous. After all, escapin' dat cell 'n standin' up to me 'n my forces took a lotta gusto. So I'll leave youse wit' a li'l consolation prize… It's a li'l sumthin' I like to call… A REMOTE TIME-BOMB DETONATOR!"

As the others gasped in shock, Crump whipped out a remote control.

"It's one big 'n strong enough to bring down dis whole tree 'n bury youse 'n dem squirmy li'l Punies in a dusty pile o' rubble! Sound fun?" Crump taunted them as he crossed to the eastern side of the room. "Well, youse enjoy yer last moments in dis dank ol' tree! And wit dat… POW! I'm gone!"

Crump pressed the button on his remote control. Immediately, alarms from the X-Naut-installed stations began blaring and displaying a timer, quickly counting down from 120 seconds. He then tossed an orb to the ground, enveloping him in a smokescreen. When the smoke cleared, he was gone, and a warp pipe leading upward had taken his place.

"THE STAR!" shouted Rolf in frustration.

"Hurry, Rolf! We must escape immediately!" shouted Edd.

Rolf pulled the Puni Orb from the pedestal and led the group through the pipe, emerging in the chamber above, where the son of a shepherd made quick work of the newly-recovered X-Nauts Drucker and Farron; the heroes dashed from chamber to chamber until they returned to the main foyer, where they found Lord Crump in an argument with the Puni elder.

"You won't be going any farther this-a-way!" shouted the elder as the alarms continued to blare.

"Youse must be buggin'!" shouted Crump. "Move it or lose it, ya old hag!"

"WHAT?!" bellowed the elder in rage, doubling in size to reflect this. "Hag? HAG? Where do you get off using that language?! Don't you dare think my age affects my might! ELDER POWER ACTIVATE!"

"Whoa, what's yer problem, Gramma?" retorted Crump. "Ya got a ear hair ticklin' yer brain or what?"

"Prepare to feel my wrath- oh!" shouted the Puni elder as a bone could be heard cracking. "And… there goes my back… Of all the times for my back to go out…"

"Ya dare defy da great Lord Crump, ya hotheaded old hag?" shouted Crump. "Why, I could shine my shoes wit' youse!"

"You'll do no such thing, you horrid harstimer!" shouted a very angry Rolf.

Crump turned around in surprise and found himself confronted by the son of a shepherd, along with Edd, Nazz, and the others. The Punies themselves waited by the far statue near the doorway through which they had passed on the way in.

"Did you really think we'd just let you get away?" shouted Nazz. "Hand over that Crystal Star and get the heck outta this tree!"

"Buh! Buh! Buh-huh-huh!" laughed Crump. "Youse guys are bananas, ya know dat? Meh, guess I'll hafta do dis later." Crump pressed the button on his remote and turned off the detonator's timer.

"A'ight, youse pests!" shouted Crump. "One pummelin' comin' up… wit' extra fists! METAL fists, dat is!"

Crump pressed another button on his remote. Immediately, behind the heroes, a large machine appeared near the streaming waterfall. Crump rushed over to the machine, dashing past the heroes, and immediately hopped into the cockpit.

"Time for a technological thrashin'!" he proclaimed. "Awake! MAGNUS VON GRAPPLE!"

With this, the machine flashed an X-symbol on its front before sprouting legs, arms, and a tough metal body.

 _The_ _ **Magnus Von Grapple**_ _is Lord Crump's most prized robotic weapon. This large robot is capable of stomping its foes as if they were bugs and even throwing literal rocket punches where the fists detach and fly at opponents like rockets._

"Cryin' yet?" boasted Crump. "Tough! Da Magnus von Grapple ain't armed wit' tissues."

"Souped-up machine or not, you're still going down!" proclaimed Goombella.

Immediately, Rolf charged at the machine and, with a shout in his native language, swung his bag as hard as he could. The machine's armor was too strong, however, and the bag tore open, its rocks scattering about, effectively ruining Rolf's only weapon.

"Buh-huh-huh!" laughed Crump. "Youse gots ta be kiddin' me!"

Edd made his move next. Maneuvering around the large rocks that were the remains of Rolf's bag, he whipped out his rod and leaped onto the war machine. The sock-headed boy then slammed his rod into the window of the cockpit, creating a large crack.

"Dat's da best youse got?" yelled Crump. At his command, the Magnus grabbed Edd with one of its robotic hands and tossed him aside like a cheap scrap. Almost immediately, the robotic hands clenched into fists and detached from the main machine, powered by rocket engines. Like large missiles, the fists then rocketed toward the group.

"No!" Mario shouted, but it was too late – the mechanical fists flew right at them and exploded, scattering them.

"This shall not end like so!" growled Rolf.

Upon regaining his composure, Edd took note of Jimmy's X-Naut staff, while Jimmy looked at Edd. As if formulating a plan, the two boys gave each other a nod and simultaneously charged at the machine. The robotic arms tried to strike the boys as they ran, but they were able to dodge efficiently with a few well-timed leaps and back-flips. Edd then lowered his hands, allowing Jimmy to step up on them. He then thrust the smaller boy into the air. In this time, Jimmy back-flipped in midair and landed square onto the cockpit. Upon landing, the boy slammed his staff into it, but it did no damage.

"Buh-huh!" Crump chortled. "Ya didn't hurt me!"

"Who said I was _trying_ to?" retorted Jimmy rhetorically.

Crump finally realized that Jimmy was merely distracting him, and as such, the X-Naut lieutenant failed to notice Mario slam his hammer onto the machine, denting it considerably. Koops followed suit by launching himself, shell-first, at the very same dent, sending sparks flying. Seizing the opportunity, Edd charged forward and stabbed his rod into this dent as well, piercing the robot's tough armor and right into its inner mechanics.

"GAH! Ya little INSECT!" shouted Crump in a rage.

The robotic arm of the Magnus grabbed Edd once again, but this time, the machine bounced up and tossed the boy right through a large, previously-unnoticed knothole above the secret entrance, effectively eliminating Edd from the battle.

"NO! DOUBLE-D!" shouted Jimmy in horror. He responded by slamming his staff into the chassis of the machine. This accomplished nothing, however, and now Jimmy was flung off of the machine, landing near the far Puni statue closest to the automated entryway.

Frustrated, Mario whipped out his Magical Map and summoned the Sweet Treat maneuver, while Nazz dashed forward and threw a punch, striking the machine.

"Dang it!" Nazz yelped in pain, as the tough armor of the machine managed to considerably injure her hand.

"I don't-a understand!" groaned Mario. "Does-a this thing have a weak-a point?"

"Nope!" replied Crump mockingly. As he pressed another button in the cockpit, the Magnus detached its robotic fists once again and launched them at the group again, this time knocking out Nazz and Goombella.

"Perhaps it is Madame's turn, n'est-ce pas?" Madame Flurrie shouted. She took a deep breath and exhaled a strong gust of wind, sending the next pair of detached mechanical fists flying back toward the machine, where they exploded on contact.

"Voila!" proclaimed Flurrie, satisfied. "Zis machine can no longer defend itself!"

In her overconfidence, however, she failed to notice the Magnus stomp on her, knocking her out. Jimmy charged at the machine with an angry shout, but he too was kicked and stomped out cold.

"Mamma-mia, this is-a not good!" griped Mario. Now it was down to himself, Koops, and Rolf. "Perhaps…" Mario formulated a plan and whipped out the Diamond Crystal Star previously obtained from Hooktail's castle.

"Ah, so youse got da Crystal Star from Hooktail's castle," said Crump, sneering. "At last! Now I got me TWO Crystal Stars!"

"Not-a so fast-a, Crump!" retorted Mario. "Do you-a know what these-a stars are-a capable of? I haven't-a tried-a this yet, so now I will!" He held out the Diamond Star, which floated in the air and began growing in size.

"Koops! Rolf! We must-a focus all of our emotion into this star!" shouted the mustachioed plumber.

Immediately, Rolf, Koops, and Mario jumped onto the star, which was now large enough to stand on as a makeshift platform, and began thinking about their emotions, their friends, their passions and hatreds, excitements, everything. As they did, the star grew larger and larger, until suddenly it became so large that it could no longer float. The star dropped to the ground and bounced up and down, creating a powerful earthquake that sent shockwaves all across the ground, which threw the Magnus von Grapple off balance and began to short out more of its mechanical workings, sparks flying to indicate this.

"DAT'S ENOUGH!" bellowed Crump in frustration. He launched a missile from the machine, striking Mario and Koops and knocking them both out.

Now only Rolf was left standing. He immediately charged toward the robotic menace.

"What? Dat's da best youse got?" Crump taunted.

Rolf grabbed one of the large rocks that had spilled out of his ruined bag and tossed it right into the cockpit.

"What da-?" yelped Crump. With the lieutenant distracted, Rolf grabbed Edd's rod, which was still embedded into the dent in the machine's armor, and yanked it out. He spun the rod around as he charged head-on at the machine and struck its left leg, causing the machine to fall over as the stricken leg was now rendered useless.

"WHOA! ARG!" Crump shouted as the Magnus fell over.

But while the machine was down, it certainly wasn't out. The Magnus responded by firing several more missiles, all of which Rolf dodged successfully. In a last-ditch attempt to take down the son of a shepherd, the Magnus launched one final missile. This one was much larger than the previous missiles.

As this much larger missile soared toward Rolf, the son of a shepherd seized the opportunity and grabbed hold of it, turning it around in midair and hurling it back toward the Magnus. Crump could only watch as the missile flew back at him, striking the Magnus von Grapple head-on and causing it to burst into flames and eventually explode.

Rolf then thrust Edd's rod into the ground as he waited for Crump to emerge from the heavily-damaged cockpit of the Magnus. As the X-Naut lieutenant climbed out of the machine's wreckage, Rolf charged forward and drop-kicked him, sending him to the ground with a grunt.

Now with the Magnus destroyed, Crump was out of options. He quickly pulled out a radio and called:

"Troops! Fall back! I repeat, fall back! Dis mission is lost!"

Lord Crump then ran from the tree, followed by his legion of X-Nauts that had stormed the tree earlier; in his carelessness and mad rush to leave, he failed to notice that he had dropped the Emerald Star, which then landed just a few feet away from Rolf, near the leftmost Puni statue.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Urgh… my aching head…"

Edd had regained consciousness, rubbing his head and groaning in pain as he did so. The last thing he remembered, the Magnus von Grapple had flung him out of the tree, through a large, otherwise-inaccessible knothole above the secret entrance. Looking around, he found himself alone and now back in the Boggly Woods, a ways from the Great Tree. At the same time, he could have sworn he could make out Madame Flurrie's mansion, or at least part of it, in the further distance opposite the Great Tree, obscured by the monochrome thicket of trees.

"Mwee-hee-hee," came a piercing cackle as if from nowhere. Before Edd could react, the Shadow Sirens immediately emerged from the shadows, surrounding him. Of the three, Edd found himself directly face-to-face with Beldam.

"You-!" he growled.

"Ice Punch!" shouted Beldam. Her arms began to glow a dark blue, and as they did, she threw a sub-zero punch at Edd, freezing him in place upon contact.

"Lightning Punch!" said Marilyn. An electrical charge began to build up in the large Siren's arms, and she threw an electric punch, shattering the ice and knocking Edd to the ground.

"You're… going to _pay_ for that… Beldam!" growled Edd. "You hear me?"

Vivian gasped in surprise and amazement. As she gazed at the wounded boy, she recalled their previous encounter, and how he had seen her crying, and his reaction prevented him from striking her, instead causing him to shift targets and strike Beldam. To Vivian, it seemed that of all of them, this child was the only one who possessed the willpower to stand up to Beldam.

"Vivian, you moron!" shouted Beldam. "Don't just stand there like a lump! FINISH HIM!"

Startled, Vivian approached Edd, who lay wounded on the ground. After a brief moment of hesitation and contemplation, the youngest of the Shadow Sirens grabbed Edd by his shoulders and lifted him up. During this time, Edd's body began to glow, a mix of bright red, orange, and a slight tinge of indigo. The sock-headed boy moaned and groaned in pain as he felt the intense heat and power surging through his body. This sensation lasted all of ten seconds before Vivian relaxed herself and allowed Edd to drop to the ground again.

"Come, my lovelies!" Beldam shouted. "We depart posthaste!"

With that, Beldam immediately vanished into the shadows. With a wry chuckle, Marilyn followed suit.

Vivian, however, sidled over to Edd and bent downward, whispering in his ear: "Good luck."

She then vanished into the shadows, leaving behind a perplexed Edd.

"What…?" he whispered to himself. _She could have murdered me right then and there_ … _but_ … _why didn't she_?

Edd continued to contemplate Vivian's reasons for sparing his life as he slowly scrambled to his feet. Looking over in the direction of the Great Tree, he spotted the flying X-Naut vessel taking to the skies and flying away from the tree.

 _Oh my_ … Edd thought to himself. _Were my comrades truly successful in driving the X_ - _Nauts out of the tree_?

Edd began to pick up the pace as he returned to the Great Tree.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd made it back to the Great Tree just in time for the completion of what Rolf had referred to as the "evtomtali." He looked around the foyer of the tree and saw that everyone had finally come to, bruised and battered but alive and well. The Punies had emerged from their hiding spot, and Punio and Petuni were applying their first-aid methods to their elder's back. Nazz and Jimmy were the first to notice Edd as he entered the tree through the automated doorway. Their response was immediate – they dashed over to Edd and embraced him tightly.

"Double-D, you're okay!" Jimmy cried. He had been worried about Edd ever since coming to. "You were gone when we all woke up! The mere thought of you being dead was enough to scare the Mr. Bojangles outta me!"

"We're so glad you're okay, dude," Nazz said, echoing Jimmy's sentiments. "Last we saw, that giant robot threw you outta the tree!"

Only then did Rolf and the others notice that Edd had returned, and they, too, expressed their relief that Edd had survived being flung out of the tree like old food scraps.

"The Ed-boy has returned!" proclaimed Rolf, returning Edd's rod to the sock-headed boy. "Alive and well like Nana after a long toil, yes?"

"ATTENTION, EVERYONE!" shouted the elder, doubling in size to divert attention to her.

"Thus far, the mission was a success. We have driven the X-Nauts out of the tree," the elder continued. "However, we did not do so alone. No, it was through the courage of our new comrades, young Rolf and his friends, that provided us all with the morale we needed. In addition, my back has loosened up, so I can move again… but I digress."

Everyone chuckled at that last remark, and the elder continued:

"Soon, we shall begin peace talks with the Jabbies, and if all goes well, then it's very likely that the Punies and the Jabbies can coexist in harmony and peace. As a reward for your bravery, I hereby bequeath to you, young Rolf and comrades, the Emerald Crystal Star!"

The Punies let out a loud victory shout and clapped their antennae together to simulate applause. As they did so, Rolf took the Emerald Crystal Star in his hands, bringing the heroes' Crystal Star collection to two out of seven. Rolf continued to hold it aloft, and a green shimmer of light emanated from himself, Edd, Nazz, Jimmy, Koops, Goombella, Mario, and Madame Flurrie as a surge of power flowed through their bodies, enabling the use of a new special move: Clock Out.

Now with two Crystal Stars and two new allies – Madame Flurrie and Jimmy – things seemed to be looking up for the heroes. One thing, however, remained unknown: the current whereabouts of the remaining Peach Creek kids, as well as the Kanker Sisters and especially Princess Peach.

 **End of Chapter Two**


	13. 2-5: Dance Party

**Second Intermission**

 **Part 1: Dance Party**

"What?!" Grodus spat. "Say that again, Molucci! You are unable to contact Lord Crump?"

"Regrettably correct, Sir Grodus," replied the elite X-Naut Molucci. "We are investigating the loss of communications as we speak. We should hear from him anytime soon."

"I hope for your sake, you're right," seethed Grodus.

Just then, the front door to the room opened, and another X-Naut grunt walked into the room, performing the trademark X-Naut salute with his arms.

"Sir Grodus!" he called. "Please allow me to enter!"

"Step this way, Mercer," stated Grodus. Mercer did as he was told and approached Grodus and Molucci, prompting the X-Naut commander to follow up his order.

"What news bear you, Mercer?" inquired Grodus.

"I have a report, sir!" replied Mercer. "The Crystal Star in the Boggly Woods has been seized by Mario and his allies, including the Eddward child they call 'Double-D'!"

"What?!" shouted Grodus, slamming down his fist in frustration. "You must be joking! What of Lord Crump and the Shadow Sirens?"

"My apologies once again, sir!" quavered Mercer. "But unfortunately, they, too, were taken out by this band of heroes!"

"Hmmm… this is most disturbing…" seethed Grodus.

"See, look, sir!" continued Mercer. "We've obtained this security footage from the Boggly Woods and the Great Tree. This was the scene inside the Great Tree earlier."

Grodus watched as Mercer pulled out a tablet and pulled up security footage of Rolf beating up the Magnus von Grapple in its last moments.

"It seems this child with blue hair has a connection to the Punies that reside in the tree," explained Mercer. "Yet our data shows that he hails from the same dimension as the Eddward child."

"Hmm… so he, too, hails from the same dimension as the Kanker Sisters," Grodus pondered.

"And that's not all," Mercer went on. "Team One had taken a hostage – a pale young child - in the Boggly Woods, but according to Xavier, the child went, and I quote, 'from crybaby to fighter in all of five minutes.' Even bogarted his staff."

With that, Mercer pulled up security footage of Jimmy battling Xavier in the false-pedestal chamber of the Great Tree, using the X-Naut's staff against him.

"That is enough, Mercer," Grodus spat back. "Now tell me. What is the status of the remaining Crystal Stars?"

"My apologies once again, sir," stated Mercer. "We are still searching for the other Crystal Stars' locations, but so far we've come up empty."

"We knew of three of them so far," Grodus interjected. "The one from Hooktail's castle. The one in Boggly Woods. And, of course, the one we obtained in Rogueport. Our heroes now have two Crystal Stars to our one. This means that there are four Crystal Stars still out there… And we WILL have them! Keep looking, so that Mario and his allies do not beat us to the punch! Dismissed!"

"Yes, sir!" shouted Mercer. He saluted Grodus once again before leaving the room.

"As I suspected, Molucci, there's no reason to doubt that Mario has the map," said Grodus, turning to face Molucci. "Listen up! I want you to keep a close eye on what Mario and his allies do from now on! As I have stated, I have reason to believe that the legendary hero is in this world as we speak. It is likely that this hero iswith Mario at the present time. Dismissed!"

"Yes, sir!" proclaimed Molucci. As Mercer had done earlier, he saluted Grodus before exiting the chamber, leaving Grodus to his thoughts once more.

"Mario… Eddward… and your allies," he said to himself, seething. "I loathe the lot of you."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Ha hah! Beat ya!" laughed Marie as she emerged victorious against May in a game of cards.

"Aw, come on!" May complained.

"You know the rules, May. Cough it up!" Marie said, laughing and making a "come here" gesture.

May slammed her cards on the metallic table in frustration and reluctantly handed over her hair barrette to the smirking Marie. Turning to face Lee over by the lockers, Marie called to her, "Hey Lee! We're playin' five card stud. You wanna play?"

"Eh, why not?" replied Lee mischievously. "Deal me in!"

As Lee grabbed a seat at the table, May was still upset with Marie.

"You cheated, Marie!" May complained.

"Did not, May!" Marie fired back. "Quit bein' such a sore loser!"

"You cheated!"

"Did not!"

"Did too! C'mon, double or nothin'!"

May pulled a silver ring off of her finger and slammed it on the table.

"You're on!" laughed Marie. "I see your ring and raise you this barrette and this scarf!"

Marie placed the barrette back on the table, as well as a blue cotton winter scarf. "Your bet, Lee!"

"I raise you one CD player!" said Lee, bringing out a CD player and placing it on the table.

"Bets are in, now deal 'em, Marie!" shouted May.

"Shut up, May! I know what to do!" Marie fired back.

"Yeah, and you cheat, too!" interjected Lee. "I'll deal the cards!"

Lee quickly snatched the deck of cards away from Marie and began shuffling them. As soon as she was finished, she dealt the cards. As soon as she finished dealing the cards, however, Lee looked over in the direction of the bench and saw Princess Peach sitting there, depressed and lost in her thoughts.

"Oh, Mario," she whispered quietly to herself. "Did you even read the mail that I sent to you? How is Toadsworth holding up? I wonder how everyone is doing back at the castle? Will I ever get to dance at the Mushroom Ball again…?"

"Hey Peach!" Lee called over to her, startling the young princess out of her thoughts.

"Y-yes, Lee?" Peach asked nervously.

"We're playin' five card stud," Lee called back. "You want us to deal you in?"

"Five card stud? What is that?" inquired the princess.

"Meh, never mind," replied Lee. "I swear, girls, I think we're the only ones here who know what cards even are, and how to play 'em."

"Big whoop, Lee, now deal!" snapped Marie.

Peach watched from the bench as the Kankers played their card game. The more she observed, the more she found it to be unusual and strange, as if she was watching some sort of alien ritual. _I don_ ' _t care about their little games_ , she thought to herself. _I just want to know if Mario received my message_. _I need to know that he's all right_.

"Hey, hang on, girls," Marie suddenly piped up.

"Now what?" asked Lee.

"What _did_ happen to your boyfriends?" Marie inquired. "I mean, I heard back from Double-D, and he said that Eddy and Ed are both still missing."

"What do you care, Marie?" retorted May. "At least you know _your_ man's safe!"

"I'm a little concerned about them, all right? So sue me," snapped Marie.

"You're starting to sound like Double-D right now, Marie," said May.

"Hey, now that I think about it, Marie's got a point, May," said Lee. "What _did_ happen to Eddy? And Big Ed? I'm getting a bit worried myself."

"Aw, come on, Lee, we know our boyfriends," May responded, trying to reassure Lee. "They can take care of themselves. I mean, hey, they're great at makin' money, right?"

"Nuh-uh!" replied Lee. "Y'know their scams tend to blow up in their faces! That's why I'm worried."

"Aw, gee, I never thought of it that way," replied May, now getting worried herself over her Big Ed's fate.

The ladies were diverted from their game and their thoughts by a mechanical whirring sound. The doors leading to the hallway had opened by themselves.

"It seems TEC wants to see us again," said Peach. "We'd best go see what he - er, it - wants."

Peach made her way through the door, slowly and nervously. She was still uneasy about this strange machine that seemed to have developed an attraction to her.

Marie and May shrugged to each other before getting up from their seats at the table to follow Peach. Lee waited for her sisters to leave the room, then secretly grabbed the items that were bet during their poker game and stuffed them in her pillowcase before running to catch up with them.

XXX000XXX000XXX

The lights had already come on, and TEC's monitor and CPU had already booted up by the time the ladies arrived in the mainframe chamber.

"Hello again, Princess Peach," TEC greeted them in the same emotionless voice, each word spelled out on the large monitor above the keyboard. "I am glad you came."

"Seriously? This thing watches all of us, and it only wants to talk to Peach," griped Marie. "It's like we're not even here."

"Hello again, Lee, Marie, and May," replied TEC to Marie. "I merely desire to speak with Princess Peach."

"Oh? Well, in that case, I have a question, TEC," said Peach.

"Of course, Princess Peach. By all means," answered TEC.

"It's about the e-mail I sent to Mario," said Peach. "Did it… reach him all right?"

"Yes, Princess Peach. I can confirm that Mario has received your e-mail," replied TEC. "And Marie, I have confirmed that your Eddward has also received and replied to your e-mail as well."

"Well, I already knew that," said Marie.

"Oh, well… that's good, that Mario got my e-mail. So, TEC, why have you called us?" Peach asked.

"Indeed. You expressed regret earlier that you would not be able to dance at a ball, correct?" inquired TEC.

"Wha-? Ex-CUSE me?" snapped Peach. "Were you seriously _eavesdropping_?"

"Yeah, come on, even I know that's messed up," said May.

"My apologies, Princess Peach," said TEC. "Sir Grodus has ordered me to maintain surveillance on you. But… it is odd… when you expressed this regret, I was stricken with a sudden impulse… to dance with you as well."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Lee chuckled, elbowing May. "Looks like TEC here's skipped a few stages!"

"It is inexplicable yet as to how my CPU would produce this impulse," continued TEC, ignoring Lee's comment. "I must find what caused this impulse…"

"Find out what caused it?" Peach inquired incredulously. "TEC, there's no reason behind such a feeling. Wanting to do something together… that's part of what love is. (I know it.) But then again… TEC, you are, well… a computer."

"Princess Peach," said TEC. "Please. Dance with me."

"Wha-what? Wait just a minute!" said Peach. "You… want to dance with me? I'm sorry, it's just so… bizarre… I mean, again, you're a computer. How in the world can I dance with you? I mean, you have no arms… or feet… or moves."

"Heh-heh, that's tellin' em, Peach," laughed Marie. "Grab a napkin, TEC-y boy, you just got served."

"Indeed…" said TEC. "Would this be an acceptable dance substitute?"

The lights in the room dimmed slightly, and as Peach and the Kankers watched, they were startled when TEC projected a hologram of Peach into the room.

"Oh my-!" said Peach, startled. "Is that… is that me? Did you create this?"

"Wow, they're like identical twins!" said May.

"I can't even tell them apart!" laughed Marie sarcastically, as the hologram was transparent.

"Oh, well… okay, then," said Peach nervously. "I mean, it's going to be rather weird, dancing with myself…"

"Kanker Sisters, you may dance as well," said TEC.

"What, with no boys?" retorted Lee.

TEC responded with "…" written on the monitor, during which the ladies thought they heard him groan.

Peach and her hologram approached each other, and they took each other's hands. TEC started playing a classical waltz, and the two Peaches began to slow dance. May watched the two, smiling, as they took to the floor, performing moves that would not be out of place at a cotillion ball.

"Aww… I hope my man'll dance like that with me at the prom," said May, smiling as she shed a tear.

Lee and Marie, however, were not fond of the choice of song that TEC went with, and they covered their ears as soon as the music began playing.

"Gah! What is this junk?" groaned Marie.

"This song's gotta be like 50 years ago!" griped Lee.

"It is known as a waltz," replied TEC, speaking softly so the two Peaches could continue their slow dance uninterrupted. "A genre of music from the Middle Ages. Waltzes are performed in a one-two-three-one-two-three beat signature."

"Meh, whatever, we got some _real_ music here," boasted Lee, whipping out a CD and approaching the monitor. "Hey, TEC, you got a CD drive on this thing?"

In response, TEC produced the CD drive from his monitor, and Lee inserted the disk. The drive then closed up, the classical waltz came to a halt (as did the two Peaches), and dance music began playing instead. To reflect the change in music, the lights switched off, replaced with a single medium-sized spotlight in the center of the room.

"DANCE PARTY!" proclaimed all three Kanker Sisters at once.

"Lemme show y'all how REAL dancin's done!" Lee bragged.

She ran into the spotlight and busted out several break-dancing moves, inciting oohs and aahs from the others. She kept it up until Marie pulled her out of the spotlight and took her place. The blue-haired Kanker sister attempted to perform some of the same moves, but failed miserably, slamming her face on the metallic floor, inciting laughter from her sisters. Even Peach couldn't help but share a chuckle, and she could have sworn she had heard TEC laughing as well.

"Face it, Marie!" boasted Lee. "You can never defeat the all-mighty Lee Kanker in a dance-off!"

"Oh yeah?!" Marie fired back. "Bring it on, Lee!"

A dance-off began between Lee and Marie, and it was clear that Lee was the better dancer of the two, as Marie did significantly worse trying to keep up with her sister.

"Hee-hee, it almost makes you forget how we're stuck here," laughed May.

Marie screwed up another dance move, inciting another chuckle from TEC. Having seen this, May applauded her sarcastically, and was immediately greeted with a blow to her face from Marie.

"Princess Peach. Shall we dance?" asked TEC, as the holographic Peach extended "her" hand to the real Peach.

"I suppose so… It is a tad weird, though," said Peach. She "grabbed" her surprisingly-accurate hologram and began some intricate dances in the spotlight, keeping up with the rhythm and pacing of the dance music from Lee's CD. She spun the hologram around, performing a twirl, and caught it mid-twirl. The hologram followed suit and twirled Peach around, the latter being surprised that a hologram was capable of physical contact.

"Lee! Marie! Check this out!" said May to her sisters, indicating Peach and her hologram.

The Kankers watched as the two Peaches continued their dancing. Both Peaches busted out some excellent moves, ranging from the jitterbug to the can-can and even the two-step. They then performed jazz-hands as the song came to an end. Peach, as she was accustomed to a formal ball, curtsied to the holographic clone of herself that TEC conjured up as her dance partner as the hologram vanished and the lights switched back on.

"Hey, she moves better than you, Marie!" laughed May, only to be met with another blow to the face.

"Thank you, Princess Peach. That was very much fun…" said TEC.

The AI suddenly froze at this last statement, writing out "…" on the monitor.

"TEC? Are you okay?" asked Peach.

"...Fun? Is this impulse the concept known as 'fun'?" inquired the AI.

"Yes, TEC, that is correct," replied Peach. "Do you understand it now?"

"Only partially, Princess Peach. I shall continue to analyze this data," replied TEC. "In the meantime, I shall fulfill my promise to you and grant you the use of my communicator."

Peach immediately typed a second email, addressing it to Mario. After she finished, Marie went next. As Ed and Eddy were still missing, May and Lee chose not to write, so only Marie typed out her email to Edd, and pressed the "Send" button. The same mailbox icons came back on the screen, brightening from left to right.

"The messages have been sent," said TEC. "I shall analyze the data from our dance immediately. For now, please return to your room."

"All right. Back to our card game!" boasted Marie as she and her sisters dashed back to the room.

"You're a weird computer," said Peach.

"You are mistaken," replied TEC. "I am the world's best and only perfect computer."

"Good night," said Peach, ignoring that comment. She followed the Kankers back to the room.

"Good night, Princess Peach." TEC entered sleep mode once more.

 **End of Part One**


	14. 2-6: Millennium Door (Third Visit)

**Second Intermission**

 **Part 2: Millennium Door (Third Visit)**

"I hereby bestow upon you the title of knight, in honor of your bravery and heroism in leading the way to victory and helping us to reclaim our home," proclaimed the Puni elder. "Arise, Sir Rolf, brave Hero of the Punies!"

With Punio and Petuni on his shoulders, Rolf had knelt down before the Puni elder in respect. Punio tapped the bulb of his antenna on Rolf's left shoulder, while Petuni tapped her antenna bulb on Rolf's right shoulder, mimicking the knighting ceremonies performed by the Queen of England at Buckingham Palace. The other Punies clapped their antenna bulbs with each other, simulating applause as Rolf rose to his feet, though not without letting the Puni siblings back down onto the floor.

"For your courage, Sir Rolf, we present to you, a brand new whacking bag, much more durable than your old one," said the elder. Puniper and the others teamed up to lift a new heavy bag, this one black and engraved with Puni tribal signs, to present to Rolf.

"And also, as a sign of gratitude, please accept this as well," the elder continued. "This is the emblem of the Puni tribe." The elder presented Rolf with the Puni Emblem, a silver necklace whose large coin was marked with tribal symbols, depicting Rolf and his friends as they had journeyed through the Great Tree.

"Thank you, thank you, yes, thank you, yes, yes, thank you," said Rolf as Edd and Nazz took the emblem and placed it around Rolf's neck. "Rolf accepts, as he is honored to meet the Punies in person and assist them in any way that the son of a shepherd can do!" Rolf then struck a pose consisting of the Urban Ranger salute; as a fellow Urban Ranger, Jimmy followed suit.

"One last thing!" called Petuni, as she and Punio then approached Jimmy. "There's something we need to say to Jimmy!"

Jimmy gazed down at Punio and Petuni, smiling. "What is it?"

"We want to thank _you_ for defending us, as well," said Punio. "You really came through for us."

"Punio's right. You were really brave, taking down that X-Naut all by yourself," added Petuni. "AND! Those were some slick moves, too!"

"Thank you, guys!" said Jimmy. He knelt down and placed his hands on the floor, and the two Puni siblings hopped up on him and climbed to his shoulders, giving him a "hug" with their antenna bulbs. Jimmy giggled, as this felt ticklish to him.

"Hee hee! I guess I don't have any reason to be scared of you guys anymore," he said, allowing them back onto the floor of the tree.

"Shall we go, then?" inquired Rolf. "As head-and-sock Ed-boy says, we must take this Emerald Star to the Thousand-Year Door, yes?"

"That's correct, Rolf," replied Edd. "Farewell, sacred Punies of the Boggly Tree!"

The heroes and the Punies exchanged their farewells as the heroes departed the tree en route to Rogueport Sewers and the Thousand-Year Door.

"What exactly is this Thousand-Year Door?" asked Jimmy as the group walked past the clearing that contained the path to Madame Flurrie's mansion.

"You'll-a find out soon enough," said Mario.

All of a sudden, as they passed Flurrie's mansion, the chiptune _Super Mario World_ music emanated from Mario's Mailbox SP, indicating a new email. Mario removed the pocket-size system (much to the surprise of both Jimmy and Flurrie) and opened it to find a new email from Princess Peach. The email read as follows:

"Dear Mario, I'm certain you're very concerned about my well-being. But please, you should know I'm fine. If anything, it's you that I'm more worried about. The fiends who kidnapped me are desperately searching for the Crystal Stars. I overheard that you drove a squadron of them out of a large tree in a monochrome forest. That's amazing, Mario! Although, I also overheard that a boy with blue hair did most of the fighting… Maybe he's this 'legendary hero' they keep talking about. Or maybe not. I'll try to learn what I can about these fiends and the Crystal Stars. I'll email again if I learn anything, okay? You should know how much I miss you. I often think about the days we've spent back at my castle… I hope we can once again spend more carefree days there. Be safe and well and strong! – Princess Peach."

"Golly-gosh, Mr. Mario!" said Jimmy, horrified. "Your Princess Peach was kidnapped? Think of what they'll do to her… It'll be worse than soap in your eye! Worser than polyester chafing!"

"It's-a nothing-a new, Jimmy," Mario responded. "It-a happens all-a the time, since-a 1985. But I would-a lay down-a my life for-a Princess-a Peach!"

"Wowie, you really are her hero, aren't you?" replied Jimmy, marveled.

At this point, the _Ed_ , _Edd n Eddy_ theme began to emanate from Edd's laptop, signaling that he, too, had received an email. Edd pulled out his laptop and opened it.

"Great, another email from Marie," he groaned. "Well, I'd hate to be rude. Let's see, it says…"

"Hey, wassup, love-muffin."

This incited a few giggles from the rest of the group, save for Mario, Nazz, and Rolf. Edd continued reading:

"Not too much happenin' here, as far as I can tell. Y'know, Lee and May are really upset that Eddy and Ed are still AWOL in this strange dimension, 'cuz they can't talk to 'em. Maybe you are, too, who knows? Anyways, do I have a story for you, cupcake! We had a dance party, and Lee and I totally got in a dance-off, and I totally crushed her with my sweet moves! Even Princess Peach got in on the action and busted out a few slick moves herself! So anyways, all that aside, I hear you guys beat the snot out of some Crump guy and a group of shadows. Sweetness! Well, anyway, keep up the good work, and if we ever find out who this 'legendary hero' is that these X-feebs keep going on about, I'll keep ya updated. I'll be waiting for ya, my sock-headed knight! See ya! You're my muffin! – Marie Kanker."

Jimmy couldn't help but giggle. "Muffin?"

"We can discuss baked goods another time, Jimmy," Edd fired back, clearly embarrassed. "For now, we must bring this Emerald Star to the Thousand-Year Door!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

The heroes returned to the airplane panel in the room prior to the hall of the Thousand-Year Door.

"What's this?" inquired Jimmy about the panel.

"Well, you recall how we were able to make ourselves as thin as paper to slide between the bars of the cage?" replied Edd. "As it is, that's not the only paper-themed ability with which we've been bestowed during the course of this quest. Behold! We set foot on this panel, like thus, and then…"

Immediately, Edd, Rolf, Goombella, and Koops stepped on the panel all at once, which sprung them into the air and folded them into paper airplanes. As Jimmy and Flurrie watched, their mouths agape and their eyes as wide as saucers, their comrades had folded into paper airplanes and glided to the opposite entryway before unfolding back to their regular forms. Mario took Flurrie to the panel, with the wind spirit blushing, and they too folded into paper airplanes to join Edd and the others who had already flown across, while Nazz did the same with Jimmy.

"Whoo, Madame feels un bit creased, but otherwise, she is beaucoup well," said Flurrie after unfolding back to her regular form.

Jimmy, however, was frantically checking himself nonstop after unfolding, making sure all of his body parts were in the right spot.

"It doesn't even hurt, Jimmy," Nazz reassured him. "You're perfectly fine, dude."

"Golly-gee-willikers," said Jimmy. "This feels like the time Eddy ripped away my outline and I melted into a gutter, and Sarah poured me into a pitcher like fresh lemonade."

"What?" inquired Goombella.

"It's… complicated," replied Edd. "Let us continue, shall we?"

XXX000XXX000XXX

The heroes entered the hall of the Thousand-Year Door. Even with the musty smell of ancient history in the air, the chamber itself remained as elegant as ever, in spite of the ruins.

"Ooh la la, c'est magnifique," said Flurrie and Jimmy together in awe, both mesmerized at the sight of the door, and the entire hall before them. The design of the door, however, had Jimmy completely enthralled, and while Flurrie had snapped out of her trance, Jimmy just stood there, face to face with the intricate designs of the ancient door, looking it over and nearly drooling. In his mind, it served as a source of artistic genius, as well as inspiration.

"Jimmy?" called Nazz. "Dude, snap out of it." She snapped her fingers in front of Jimmy's face, bringing the pale boy out of his trance.

"Oh… sorry, Nazz," said Jimmy sheepishly.

"Right, then, ahem… Rolf, you stand in the center of the podium and lift up the Emerald Star," said Edd. "Mario, as Rolf lifts the star, you lift up the map. The light show that follows shall reveal the location of the next Crystal Star on the map."

"Okey-dokey!" replied Mario.

Rolf and Mario stood atop the podium at the center of the dais. As Edd instructed, Rolf held up the Emerald Star, while Mario held up the Magical Map. A flash of light blinded the room for a split second, and the cyan light patterns began once more, with the Emerald Star coming to rest at the 1:30 position on the dais.

"Jeepers!" yelped Jimmy as the lights shone. "What's happening!"

"Zis reminds Madame of ze lights on ze stage!" Flurrie recalled.

As he observed the light show, Jimmy stood in awe, and remarked, "It's beautiful!"

A ray of cyan light shone on Rolf and Mario atop the podium. As Mario held up the map, he allowed the light to pierce right through it. The light then shone a bright golden color as it revealed what appeared to be a city of sorts, floating in the sky. An astral projection of a golden Crystal Star shone on the map as well, directly in front of the image of the floating city. Soon, the light show faded, as did the astral projection, and the Emerald Star returned to Rolf's possession. Mario stood with the map, observing the new location that had appeared. Now even Edd was observing it with his magnifying glass.

"Hmm… I cannot seem to make heads or tails of this," said Edd. "It looks to be a city of sorts, but… it's floating in the sky, powered by rocket engines? What could this possibly mean?"

"Why don't we ask Professor Frankly?" suggested Goombella. "Just like before, I think he might have a clue."

"Who's Professor Frankly?" asked Jimmy.

"He was my professor last year when I was a sophomore at University of Goom," replied Goombella. "He specializes in archaeology and ancient history. He's well versed in the lore of the ancient city of old and the legend of the Thousand-Year Door."

"Let's-a go!" proclaimed Mario.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"…That means that beneath the town, the millennium-old ruins remain intact…"

Now Professor Frankly was reading from his book on the ancient history of Rogueport as the heroes gathered back at his residence, explaining the history of the ancient city to Jimmy and Flurrie. "And it was the power of the Crystal Stars that sealed this door shut for all this time," he continued. "As such, it is only through the power of the Crystal Stars that the seal can be broken."

"There's treasure behind that door?" inquired Jimmy.

"So the legend goes, young Jimmy," replied Frankly. "But even to this day, it remains unknown just what sort of treasure may lie in wait beyond the door. Or even if there's any treasure at all."

"And that, Jimmy, is the story of the Thousand-Year Door and the ancient city beneath Rogueport," said Edd.

"Perhaps Madame is merely being daft, but if zere really is un treasure, pourqoui would zey need to be locking it away at all?" inquired Flurrie. "Did zey fear pirates and brigands? If non, zen qu'est-ce que c'est?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea," replied Frankly. "I do know that the treasure, according to legend, was sealed away around the time of the destruction and fall of the ancient city… But see, the thing is, no one knows exactly what the great cataclysm was that led to the city's demise. All that's written is this: 'Darkness stole the sky, and the cataclysm rained down.' It is something that I shall continue to research. Assuming this will just make an, uh… well, you know the saying."

"Yeah, I do," said Goombella. "Sounds rather inappropriate, Professor."

"Well, in any case, what have you to say about the location of this next Crystal Star?" inquired Edd. "The map appears to depict this location as floating in midair, powered by rocket engines."

"Well, that's very interesting indeed," remarked Frankly. "It would appear that the map is directing you to the floating city of Glitzville."

"Glitzville?" inquired Jimmy, with stars in his eyes. "As in glitz? Tinsel? TV cameras?"

"Oh, ho ho, no, not quite, young Jimmy," chuckled Frankly. "While it's true that Glitzville is a city of entertainment, the true entertainment there is found in the Glitz Pit, a stunning arena where great fighters engage in furious battles! Ostensibly, families visit Glitzville on vacation to lounge and enjoy the fights, but behind the scenes, the wealthiest people in the world place wagers on the bouts. I personally am not privy to the art of gambling."

"Gambling on fights?" inquired Nazz. "Oh, that's got Eddy written all over it."

"So wait, a floating city?" inquired Koops. "How do we get up there? It's not like we can just grow wings and fly there. I mean, it's not like I can suddenly become a Parakoopa."

"Well, perhaps there is this alternative," said Frankly in response. "There's a special blimp, the Cheeppelin, that flies there. It's docked over at Rogueport Station, over by the Excess Express train. The problem, though, lies in obtaining the necessary tickets. The only way to do so is to go through certain… 'channels.'"

"Pardon? Whatever do you mean by 'channels,' Professor?" asked Edd nervously.

"Yeah, I agree, that sounds awfully seedy," added Nazz.

"Show the way through these channels, he-with-swirly-eyes!" said Rolf.

"Hmmm… I don't know… but I suppose we don't have much choice in the matter," replied Frankly. "Word on the street is, all tickets go through Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta on the west side. He's the leader of the Pianta Syndicate, who control the western side of town."

"Syndicate?" quavered Jimmy. "As in… we have to deal with THE MAFIA?! What is this, _The Godfather_?"

"As suspicious as that is, there's really no other option," replied Frankly, which did nothing to quell the group's worries. "The rumor mill is that Don Pianta regularly frequents Glitzville to gamble on the fights at the Glitz Pit."

"Oooh, Madame likes ze sound of zis Don Pianta," said Flurrie. "Madame cannot wait to be meeting him."

"It's not that simple, Madame Flurrie," said Frankly. "Don Pianta is the boss of an organized crime syndicate. The rumors that surround him are quite frightening. In addition, the Don is quite the secretive recluse. Just merely _getting an audience_ with him is no simple feat."

"This sounds like it'd be too dangerous for all of us," said Nazz.

"I concur with Nazz," added Edd. "Collaborating with Eddy in his hare-brained endeavors to obtain monetary gain is bad enough. Working with an organized crime syndicate is… unconscionable, to say the least."

"Very-a well, then. I will-a bring Goombella, Madame-a Flurrie, and-a Rolf with me to sort out our-a deal with Don Pianta," said Mario. "The rest of-a you, hang-a back and-a find-a ways to pass-a the time. Goombella! Madame-a Flurrie! Rolf! Let's-a go!"

Mario, Goombella, Flurrie, and Rolf left Frankly's abode as the others called after them to be careful. It was after they had left that a low rumbling could be heard. Jimmy placed a hand on his stomach, which served as the source of the noise.

"Mmh, I got a rumbly in my tummy," said Jimmy. "Do you guys know any place where we could grab something to eat?"

"Of course!" replied Koops. "Let's all head to Mr. Podley's place. I think we could all do with some grub."

 **End of Part Two**


	15. 2-7: The Boss's Daughter

**Second Intermission**

 **Part 3: The Boss's Daughter**

The group left Professor Frankly's residence and returned to the central square of Rogueport, with Jimmy glancing nervously at the gallows in the center. Edd, Nazz, Jimmy, and Koops entered Podley's Inn & Tavern for nourishment while Mario, Goombella, Madame Flurrie, and Rolf remained outside and looked around the town for any clues at all to help them gain an audience with the mysterious syndicate boss. Eventually a creature resembling a shell-less Koopa wearing sunglasses and a camouflage-pattern vest darted past them, thankfully making no contact with the group.

"Who was that?" asked Goombella.

Rolf, however, had already given chase to this shady character, all the way to the eastern side of town, shouting in his native tongue. Seeing this, the others followed him, with Goombella calling after him, "Rolf, where are you going?!"

"Who are you that riles Rolf's radish?!" Rolf shouted after the shady character in sunglasses.

By the time the others caught up with Rolf, the shady young man in sunglasses had ducked through a very thin gap between two buildings next door to Professor Frankly's house. Exchanging glances with Mario and the others, Rolf went thin as paper to slip through the gap, followed by Goombella, Mario, and finally Flurrie. Emerging on the other side, they discovered what appeared to be a back alley, with a canal of flowing water dividing the two halves of the alley. The nearby door had suddenly slammed shut, grabbing their attention – it was very likely that the shady young man would be in there.

Rolf opened the door to the strange shady building, and the first thing he saw was the shady amorphous young man.

"Hey hey!" said the creature rudely. "Ya lost or somethin'? Or do ya want somethin' from me, the one 'n only Ishnail? Otherwise, whaddya doin' here in the fortress o' the Robbo Thieves?"

"Rolf shall ask again. Who are you that runs faster than Papa's shoes on bath night?" Rolf asked him.

"Whaddya talkin' about?" the shady man named Ishnail fired back. "Whaddya doin' chasin' me? Ya got any business that brings a few chumps like y'all-selves to a place like this? And don't say 'vacation,' 'cuz we all know that's a flat-out lie."

"Rolf? Let-a me try," said Mario. "Signor Ishnail, is it?"

"Yeah, what's your business here, Mr. Mustache?" snapped Ishnail.

"Forgive-a my young-a friend here," said Mario, "but he was-a only chasing-a you because-a you whizzed-a past us from the west-a side of-a town. Would-a you, by any chance, know how-a to get an audience with-a Don Pianta?"

"Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta? Y'all really wanna meet that lyin', cheatin', no-good jerky-for-brains?" asked Ishnail rather disgustedly, hinting at an animosity with the mysterious head of the Pianta Syndicate.

"Is-a correct," replied Mario.

"Man, see, I don't get y'all," said Ishnail. "See, it's 'cuz o' that guy that real thieves like us end up poor as dirt 'n never catchin' a break. And worse than that, he demands protection money from us. Just the other day, he sent two o' his goons to wail on my boy Gus. So knowin' all that, y'all STILL want us to tell ya how y'all can meet that crumb?"

"Absolutement," replied Madame Flurrie.

"Fine, you insensitive- wait a minute," he said, spotting Flurrie. "WAAAIT a minute – aren't you Madame Flurrie? The diva of the Shroomway stage?! I thought you retired from showbiz!"

"Oui, it is moi, Monsieur Ishnail," replied Flurrie, a look of admiration in her eyes. "Vous are un fan?"

"You have no idea, Madame Flurrie!" said Ishnail, now suddenly star-struck at having met his celebrity crush in person for the first time. "I especially loved your performance in _Madame Isabelle_ ' _s Pearls_! Dat hauntin' monologue ya delivered 'bout the passage o' the pearls through generations, 'n the lamentation o' Madame Isabelle as the love o' her life went to great lengths to recover the valuable pearls for her… oh, I was moved to tears at your performance! More than anything, I wanted to get your autograph after the show, or even get a picture with you, but I was dragged away by security for sneaking in…"

"Wow, look how star-struck this guy is," remarked Goombella to Rolf and Mario. "He's practically fawning over Madame Flurrie."

Indeed, the other residents of the rather-ramshackle building were now looking at Ishnail with a mixture of mischief, humor, and disdain, as he had met his favorite actress in person and was now completely star-struck. Flurrie appeared to be a mixture of flattered and slightly unnerved, but alas, she had met a true fan.

"Um, um, um…" began Ishnail, nervously.

"Oui, Monsieur Ishnail?" inquired Flurrie.

"Um… Madame Flurrie, would it be possible to… to get your autograph right now?" Ishnail blurted out nervously. "If you do, I'll tell youse how to get an audience wit' Don Pianta."

"Well… of course, pourquoi pas," said Flurrie. "Madame requires un crayon and un papier."

Looking around the room, Ishnail managed to find a loose napkin. It appeared unused, as there was no food residue or nasal drippings on it. Ishnail immediately picked it up and handed it to Flurrie.

"I hope this'll do," he said. "We don't have a lot of paper around here."

"Rolf has no crayons, only a simple writing stick," said the confused Rolf.

"Rolf, 'un crayon' is French for 'a pencil,'" Goombella piped up.

"Ah, yes, a writing stick, yes?" said Rolf. He pulled out a pencil from his pocket… but it appeared to be very tiny. The distance between the point and the eraser was only roughly a centimeter and a half.

"Criminy! Rolf's writing stick has been reduced to that of the size of a baby's bazoo!" Rolf grumbled.

"Pas de problème, Rolf, it shall suffice," said Flurrie, taking the pencil and signing her autograph on the napkin: "À mon fan numéro un, de Madame Flurrie."

"Oh, merci, merci beaucoup, Madame Flurrie! I'll treasure this forever!" said Ishnail.

"Vous are très welcome, Monsieur Ishnail," said Flurrie, flattered, as she returned the teeny pencil to Rolf, who promptly pocketed it.

"Okay, well, as promised, I'll hold up my end o' the bargain," said Ishnail, motioning for the foursome to come closer in an attempt to be discreet with his knowledge.

"Clean out those ears 'n listen here," he continued. "There's this parlor in the west part o' town that Don Pianta runs. Next to dat parlor is an item shop. Go into the item shop next to that parlor 'n buy a Dried Shroom 'n a Dizzy Dial, _in exactly that order_. Dried Shroom, then Dizzy Dial, in dat order, got it? Once that's done, the shopkeeper there'll ask youse for your favorite color. The correct answer to that is 'yellow.' Not red. Not blue, Not green. _Yellow_. Ya follow? See, because, 'yellow' is the password for gettin' into that Don Scumbag's oh-so-comfy office. Youse got all that?"

"Yes, yes, thank you," said Rolf.

"We understand perfectly," said Goombella.

"Good, now get goin', and good luck to the lot of ya," said Ishnail. "And Madame Flurrie, it was an awesome honor to finally meet ya in person!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Rolf, Goombella, Mario, and Madame Flurrie made their way back through the central square and into the western part of town. This appeared to be a business district of sorts, and a rather seedy one at that. There were a few houses near the entrance, but more noticeably, there appeared to be an actual street way, complete with lampposts lining their sidewalks, and a storm drain in the center of the street. A single, much taller warp pipe protruded from the nearby gardens across from the houses. The street extended beneath an archway going north, presumably to the stations, and the hospital. The Pianta Parlor was situated on the other side of the room, guarded by a mysterious figure - a Pianta – wearing sunglasses, a business suit, and what appeared to be a long grass skirt. The item shop wasn't hard to find – it was right next to the Pianta Parlor, as Ishnail had told them, marked by a sign depicting a Fire Flower.

"Well, here it is, the _other_ item shop," said Goombella upon seeing the building.

"The front for mob-jobs," said Rolf.

The group of four entered the item shop, as per the instructions given to them by Ishnail. Inside, the shop appeared to be a plain-looking shop, with stocked shelves like any other, except this store was managed by what appeared to be a female ghost – a Boo – wearing two magenta-colored bow ties and white bangles on her "arms." The current stock consisted of blue-capped Super Mushrooms, electric Volt Shrooms, Dried Shrooms, heart-patterned Life Shrooms, Dizzy Dials, and Thunder Rages that resembled lightning bolts.

"Well, let's see, that Ishnail guy said to buy one Dried Shroom and one Dizzy Dial, in that order, right?" whispered Goombella to the others.

"Is-a correct, Goombella," Mario whispered back. "Rolf, you purchase-a the Dried-a Shroom. After-a that, Madame-a Flurrie, you purchase-a the Dizzy Dial."

"Oh, hello," said the Boo lady. "How may I help you today?"

"Rolf will purchase the mushroom that is dry as Papa's chafed elbow," said Rolf, picking up a Dried Shroom.

"One Dried Shroom'll set you back about two coins, cutie," replied the Boo lady.

Mario produced the two coins and handed them to Rolf, who handed the coins to the Boo lady in exchange for the Dried Shroom.

Once the purchase was complete, Flurrie then said, "Madame shall procure zis Dizzy Dial." She picked up a Dizzy Dial, which was depicted as a blue swirl resembling the hypnotizing wheel that Eddy had used in one of his harebrained scams.

"And for you, lady, that Dizzy Dial will set you back about twelve coins," said the Boo lady to Flurrie. Mario handed the wind spirit the twelve coins needed to make the Dizzy Dial purchase; Flurrie gave the coins to the Boo lady, whose eyes widened for a second before narrowing, as if they had figured out a secret code.

"Well, all right then," said the Boo lady, turning to Mario. "What color is this man's mustache?"

"My mustache is-a black," replied Mario incredulously.

"Oh, my, forgive my stumbling," said the Boo lady. "That wasn't even the right question I wanted to ask! I meant to ask you, what's your favorite color?"

"Yellow," said Goombella, remembering what Ishnail had told them.

"Hmm…" said the Boo lady suspiciously. "Well, the four of you seem to check out. You do know the password, at least. So, that officially makes you acquaintances of Don Carlo Pianta. Good for you. In that case, my name is Bootoria. Let me get the door."

The Boo shopkeeper, Bootoria, then floated past Rolf and the others to unlock a rear door on the other side.

"You can go on through now," she told them, in a rather matter-of-fact tone of voice. "Go on with your bad selves."

The foursome proceeded through the door and found themselves in another alley. To their right, they discovered a set of stairs leading upward, turning to the left. They traveled up the stairs and arrived at the door at the end.

"This must be where Don Pianta runs the show," whispered Goombella.

Nervously, Mario turned the handle on the door and opened it slowly. He was the first to enter the room, followed by Rolf, Goombella, and finally Flurrie. This room was a very elegant-looking office, with a large green carpet in the center of the room. A golden chandelier hung on the center of the ceiling, and the drawers along the far walls were adorned with very expensive vases of varying shapes, sizes, colors, and patterns. Two more Pianta businessmen wearing shades were standing over by the desk of Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta.

"What's wit' youse, wiseguys, bargin' in here unannounced?" he spat at the foursome that had entered his office unannounced. His voice was rather reminiscent of that of Marlon Brando in _The Godfather_ film series. "If ya got a beef, youse betta spit it out quick or dis is gonna hurt."

 _ **Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta**_ _is the boss of the Pianta Syndicate, an organized crime ring that operates many of the businesses on Rogueport's west side. He speaks in a very Marlon Brando style of voice, and he has an adult daughter, Francesca. His reputation precedes him, as many who hear of him are terrified of him. His skin is rather tanned, and he wears a mafioso's fedora with a small sprout on top._

"Yes, Rolf has heard whispers from the villagers that he-who-wears-a-head-sprout can provide keys for transportation to a city that floats in the sky," said Rolf.

"To translate, he's saying we need tickets to the blimp to Glitzville…" Goombella clarified.

"Ex-CUSE me? Youse really want me to give youse tickets for da Cheeppelin blimp to Glitzville?" Don Pianta laughed. "Now see, to me, dat's funny! You a stand-up comedian, blue-hair? Ya oughta be. Youse got some nerve askin' me for dat! I'm da great Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta! I make cryin' babies cry!"

"Boss!" piped up one of his guards. "Ya want we should run these rubes' bums out on a rail? Lookit 'em! Whatta buncha rubes!"

"Youse must like a lotta pain or summat!" the other guard threatened. "So what? Youse just lookin' for trouble?"

"Vinny! Tony! Not so fast!" barked Don Pianta. "I like da gumption o' dese kids. I mean, hey, dey just came to talk, huh? Talkin' ain't a crime. So we're gonna be talkin'. Youse can wait till we're done talkin' before youse rough 'em up, capisce?"

"Capisce, boss," said Vinny and Tony in unison.

"Now, kids," said Don Pianta, facing Rolf and Mario, who were closest to the desk. "I gots to assume youse got a reason for wantin' tickets to da blimp. So out widdit!"

"The Princess-a of-a the Mushroom Kingdom has been-a kidnapped," said Mario. "To-a rescue her, we need-a to obtain-a the Crystal Stars, one of-a which we believe-a to be in-a Glitzville."

"What's dat now? Youse wanna help some broad what got herself snatched up?" said Don Pianta incredulously. "An' to rescue dis dame, youse kids are out collectin' da Crystal Stars?"

"That is correct, he-who-wears-a-head-sprout," piped up Rolf.

"Da… da Crystal Stars?" piped up Vinny nervously. "Hey, Boss! Ain't dose things in dat legend 'bout da ancient treasure 'neath dis city?"

"Yer such a dope, Vinny!" laughed Tony, slapping Vinny upside his head. "Hey, Boss! Dis knucklehead believes in fairy tales!"

"Zut alors!" Madame Flurrie spat at Vinny and Tony. "Do not listen to zat lout! Zis treasure is as real as moi, ze grande Madame Flurrie!"

"Shut yer pie holes, da lot o' ya," Don Pianta boomed. "I don't give a Noki's shell if da treasure is real or not, ya get me? But I gotta say, I like a guy who wants to rescue some skirt he fell for."

Mario grimaced at this choice of words. _Some skirt_? Princess Peach wasn't just _some skirt he fell for_! She was the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom!

"I made my decision!" Don Pianta shouted. "You'll get your blimp tickets…"

The foursome cheered this decision, but all too soon.

"BUT!" he continued, silencing the room. "First I need youse four to do me a solid. Sound fair?"

"Well… all right then," said Goombella with a tinge of uncertainty.

"It's easy. It's nuttin'. Heck, it's less dan nuttin'," said Don Pianta. "See, da thing is… my daughter, Francesca, da apple o' my eye… she went ahead 'n eloped wit' one o' my young associates, Frankie. Dey up 'n vanished. But see, it wasn't dat long ago dat it happened, so dey might still be nearby. Youse find my little girl 'n dis Frankie 'n bring 'em both back here. If youse are unable to do dat, den at least tell me where dey are. Den I'll settle da matter quickly, 'n wit' what's known as 'extreme prejudice.' Capisce?"

"Boss!" piped up Vinny. "We ain't knowin nuttin' bout dese palookas. Ya can't rely on 'em for dis job!"

"Yeah, Boss! Vinny's right!" added Tony. "Leave it to us to find Francesca!"

"QUIET, YOUSE LUMPS!" Don Pianta bellowed at his henchmen. "It's 'cuz youse lugs can't find her dat I gots to swallow my pride 'n ask dese palookas here! I hope youse dopes ain't makin' no complains 'bout my decision. Youse makin' any complaints?"

"No, Boss, whatever you say goes, Boss," replied Vinny hurriedly and nervously.

"I dunno what I was thinkin, Boss," added Tony. "It won't happen again, Boss."

"Well, dat's good," said Don Pianta. "I'm glad we're all full o' understandin' for one another." Turning to the foursome, he then reiterated, "So it's settled, see? Find my little girl and her 'friend,' den come 'n see me. Lemme get youse started – here's what Francesca 'n Frankie look like."

The Don brought out photographs of Francesca and Frankie so the foursome could get a good look.

 _ **Francesca Romoletta Pianta**_ _is the daughter and only child of Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta. She is a yellow-skinned Pianta who wears a vacationer's hat with a pink flower on top, and a yellow summer dress. She is in love with her father's associate, Frankie, even though the Don disapproves of their relationship. She is a rather domineering woman in her relationship, but she is with Frankie not for money, but for love._

 _ **Francisco Giuliano "Frankie" Piantissimo**_ _is the heir apparent to the Pianta Syndicate. His nickname is "Furious Frankie," apparently obtained after he fought off a 100-man mob. He is a blue-skinned Pianta who wears a white business suit rather than a black one. He is in love with Don Pianta's daughter, Francesca, but this relationship has earned him the ire of the Don as well as of the Syndicate._

"Oh, 'n just so we're clear," growled Don Pianta more threateningly, "if youse palookas don't find my little girl, your luck may turn terrible… So youse better find her. Capisce?"

"C-capisce, erm, Boss," quavered Goombella nervously.

"Well, then, let us find these two lovey-doveys so he-who-wears-a-head-sprout does not squash us like the parasites that infest Wilfred's tuchus!" said Rolf.

"Let's-a go!" exclaimed Mario.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Mario and Rolf led the foursome around town, asking the locals if they'd seen Francesca and Frankie anywhere. Thus far, their efforts had come up fruitless. Eventually they broke off in groups of two; Mario with Goombella, and Rolf with Madame Flurrie; and they continued their search. Mario had theorized that the two lovebirds could be at Podley's enjoying dinner, but Goombella refuted the theory, claiming that if they had run off, they wouldn't want to be seen by the public, or even Edd and his compatriots. Rolf had suggested that they could be at the stations, and while Flurrie found that likely, she also countered that the two Pianta lovers would need tickets for the blimp and the train, and since the Don disapproved of their relationship, the two couldn't go crawling back to him to obtain the tickets, so essentially the two were stuck in town with no legitimate escape.

Finally, Goombella and Mario approached a short man named Charlieton who sported a very bushy mustache and a small brown backpack.

"Excuse me, sir? Have you seen these two around anywhere?" asked Goombella, with Mario showing him the photos of Francesca and Frankie. "The Don needs us to bring them back to his office."

"Ah, yes, yes," said Charlieton. "It was only a glimpse, but I do believe I saw them headed for the harbor. They said something about eloping on a jungle island so they can be together without outside interference."

Finally, they had a lead. Goombella thanked the man, and immediately led Mario back to Rogueport Harbor, where they first met Edd, Nazz, and Lord Crump.

"Wait! Won't you buy some of my wares?" Charlieton called after them; however, his call went unheard by the two.

It was at the docks that Mario and Goombella discovered the two lovebirds; a yellow-skinned Pianta with a flower on her head, obviously Francesca; and a blue-skinned Pianta wearing a white suit jacket, obviously Frankie. The two Pianta lovebirds were waiting by the water, near Edd's damaged sailboat.

"Oh, Frankie, if only Daddy could see reason, den maybe…" began Francesca, nervously.

"It'll be copacetic, my beautiful prosciutto," said Frankie. "We'll go far away, just da two of us, 'n da boss'll never find us."

"Daddy's got a lotta connections, and a lotta palookas in suits," said Francesca. "But you're right, Frankie. We'll be together forever… but how will we leave town? Daddy owns da yacht."

Frankie thought for a second, before his eyes fell on Edd's damaged sailboat.

"I suppose we could always use dis ratty ol' thing… looks pretty old, but I guess we'll hafta make do," mused the blue-skinned Pianta.

"Hey!" shouted Goombella from the inner mainland of the wharf, startling the two lovebirds. She and Mario approached Francesca and Frankie, who were none too happy about the interruption.

"What da- Back off, you creeps!" Francesca spat angrily. "What, youse want sumthin' or do youse just like sidlin' up to people?!"

"That-a boat doesn't-a belong-a to you!" Mario replied. "That belongs-a to some-a new friends of ours who aren't from-a this world-a."

"Friends o' yours? Not from dis world?" Francesca chuckled. "Now DAT's rich! Dat's da dumbest thing we ever heard, right, Frankie?"

"Dat's right, my lovely cannoli," said Frankie, laughing himself.

Goombella instead rolled her eyes and glanced at Mario, who gave her a nod. The hard-hat-wearing Goomba then turned to face the two Pianta lovers.

"O-kay," said Goombella in a rather sing-song voice, taunting them. "Maybe you'd like to take it up with the boss?"

"Da… da boss?" quavered Frankie, clearly afraid and well aware of what Don Pianta would do to him.

"Wait…" said Francesca, gleaning the context from Frankie's reaction. "A-a-are you saying Daddy sent you palookas? But youse ain't even in suits! He sent youse to find us?"

"AND bring youse back to him, sweet-cheeks," said Goombella, mocking their accent.

"Oh, me, oh, my…" stuttered Francesca, turning to face Frankie. "What do we do, Frankie? If Daddy finds us now… and da boat'll be here any minute now…"

"Hm, maybe dese palookas got a point," said Frankie, his fear beginning to slowly and gradually ebb away. "Maybe we oughta head back 'n try to talk to da boss one more time…"

"No, Frankie!" Francesca shot back, a tinge of fear in her voice. "Don't say dat! You and I both know what Daddy'd do to you if we do?"

"Francesca, my precious baby doll," said Frankie, with a new resolve in his voice. "I'm sure da boss'll understand if we just sit him down 'n talk calm-like wit' 'im."

"Oh, Frankie… don't you love me?"

"Abso-tootch-ly, sugar cookie. I love you more dan anyone in da whole world!"

"Den let's run away together, my ravioli! To da ends o' da earth if we gotta!"

"We can't keep runnin' forever, butter biscuit. Dey already found us out… I mean, da boss sent dese two palookas."

"Yes, we CAN run forever, Frankie! Da more ya try to put out da flames o' love, da hotter dey burn! Until da day we get married, ain't no one gonna put out dese flames o' passion!"

"Aw, just like Goombeo and Koopliet," said Goombella softly, a tear going down her right eye as she compared the scene playing out before them to this world's version of _Romeo and Juliet_.

"Can't youse see?" Francesca said, whirling around to face the plumber and the Goomba girl. "Please, I beg o' you – pretend youse never saw us! Can youse do dat?"

Mario and Goombella thought for a while, whispering amongst themselves. They were in a very tough spot. On one hand, they needed tickets for the blimp to Glitzville, no less than eight – two for them, and six for their friends - and the only way to get them was to bring Francesca and Frankie back to Don Pianta's office. But on the other hand, the two lovebirds were intent on keeping their love secret in an attempt to stay together forever, and they were willing to leave Rogueport for good to ensure this. Finally, Goombella sighed in resignation.

"…Sure, I guess we can do that," the Goomba student said. Francesca breathed a sigh of relief in response to this. "C'mon, Mario, let's go find Rolf and Flurrie. We should break the news to them first before we tell the Don."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, look who's back. Da proverbial mustache 'n his palookas. Youse gon' brighten da mood o' mine?" said Don Pianta to the group of four upon their return to his office. "So give. What do youse got? Youse know da whereabouts o' dese runaways?"

Goombella and Mario wrestled with keeping their promise to Francesca and Frankie and maintaining their secrecy, or their pledge to Don Pianta to keep him informed.

"…Yes," said Mario. Goombella, Flurrie, and Rolf looked at him in shock. "We do."

"What are you doing, mustached one?" asked Rolf.

"Honoring our commitment to the boss," replied Mario. Turning to the Don, he continued, "We saw them-a last at-a Rogueport Harbor."

"Man, Mario, the nerve of you," said Goombella, disappointed. "I thought you had more integrity than that."

"Ah, is dat a true fact? Rogueport Harbor, eh?" said Don Pianta, scratching his chin. "Well done, ya palookas. Dis favor youse done for me, I ain't ever gonna forget it. Lemme prepare da tickets for da blimp." Turning to Vinny and Tony, he bellowed, "Youse two nimrods! Why youse standin' around? Da kids are at da harbor! Go get 'em!"

All of a sudden, the door to the office swung open, startling everyone.

"DADDY, WAIT!" came the voice of Francesca.

Everyone whirled around. There was Francesca, with Frankie, by the door.

"Francesca, my baby girl!" cried Don Pianta.

"Boss! Forgive me, Boss! I-I'm sorry, truly I am!" quavered Frankie.

"Well, well, if it ain't Frankie," said Don Pianta, disappointed. "Back you come, head hung low 'n wit' your tail between your legs."

"No, Daddy!" shouted Francesca, suddenly courageous. "It wasn't Frankie's fault. It was all me! I'm da one who said we should elope."

The whole room fell silent. Goombella, Flurrie, and Mario stood there, shocked, while Rolf began to fidget with his fingers nervously.

"What is this that she-who-wears-a-head-bloom is doing?" he whispered to Mario.

"But Frankie said no!" Francesca went on. "He's da one who said we should come back 'n talk to you, Daddy!"

"Listen, Boss! I don't care what ya do to me!" Frankie added. "I deserve it all 'cuz o' my disloyalty! All's I ask is dat you forgive your daughter."

"No, no, Daddy! I'm da bad one! It's my fault!" protested Francesca. "If you punish anyone, Daddy, it should be me."

Mario, Goombella, Rolf, and Flurrie looked on with surprise, as Francesca and Frankie were both willing to take the fall for each other.

"No, Boss! It's all on me! All da blame, right here!"

"Daddy!"

"Boss!"

"AAAAARGH!" Don Pianta let out a very frustrated shout and slammed his hands down very hard on his desk, causing everyone to jump. "ENOUGH! QUIET, DA BOTH O' YOUSE!"

The whole room fell silent once again as the Don continued, very disappointed:

"Francesca, my headstrong baby girl… you used up your last favor a long time ago! An' Frankie! You was like a son to me! An' dis is how ya repay your debt to Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta? I'm so disappointed in da both o' youse. It's like a Poison Shroom in my gut."

"Daddy!" said Francesca nervously.

"Boss!" said Frankie.

"I don't ever wanna see youse mugs again! Ya hear me?" the Don spat back angrily. "Get outta my sight, da both o' youse! I don't care where – just GO!"

Francesca and Frankie hung their heads low, as did Rolf and his own compatriots.

"…Or maybe dat's what youse expected me to say, huh?" said the Don. "Well, dat IS what I'm sayin'! Go! Do what youse want! Even if it means youse gettin' married!"

The Pianta lovebirds suddenly looked up, surprised, wondering: Did the Don, in his own creative way, actually give them his blessing for them to be married?

"Oh, Daddy!" proclaimed Francesca, who was the first to pick up on the meaning behind her father's words.

"Aw, Dad-I mean, Boss!" said Frankie, stumbling on his words.

"Thank you so much for your blessing, Daddy!" said Francesca.

"Boss! I promise you, I'll make your daughter a happy woman! She'll want for nuttin'!" added Frankie.

"Enough already!" said the Don, sniffling as he fought back tears. "Just go already! Go!"

"Francesca," said Vinny, moved to tears. "Congrats to both o' youse. Seein' da two o' youse happy together makes me happy, too!"

"Dis is great, Frankie!" added Tony. "Ain't quite what I promised, I'll admit, but hey! Things turned out okay, am I right?"

"Good-bye, Daddy, and thank you!" said Francesca, beaming as she and Frankie dashed out of the office in excitement.

It was then that Don Pianta realized that Mario and his friends were still in the room.

"Youse mugs still here?" he retorted. "Well, youse mugs did find my daughter 'n get her to come back. An' just lookit how it all turned out! Like a total soap opera. But ya know, a deal's a deal. Here's your blimp tickets. Two each for the four o' youse, addin' up to eight tickets." The Don handed eight tickets to Mario and his compatriots.

"Thank-a you very much, Boss," said Mario gratefully.

"Rolf thanks he-who-wears-a-head-sprout for these tickets to the city in the sky!" proclaimed Rolf.

"Who knew? I mean, dat Frankie's got her smilin' from ear to ear," mused Don Pianta. "Dat's good dat she's happy. I knew youse palookas were right for da job. Don Pianta thanks you… as long as youse don't show yer faces 'round my office again."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd, Nazz, Jimmy, and Koops were at Podley's Inn & Tavern for nourishment and sustenance while their comrades were dealing with the Pianta mafia to procure the tickets to Glitzville.

"Master Eddward, Lady Nazz, and Master Koops! Divine to see the lot of you again!" called Toadsworth from his seat in front of the counter.

"Mr. Toadsworth, wonderful to see you!" proclaimed Edd. "Have you been keeping well?"

"Indubitably, Master Eddward, and yourself?" said Toadsworth.

"All things considered, we're well, thank you for asking," said Edd.

"And who is this fine handsome young man?" asked Toadsworth, noticing the presence of Jimmy.

"This is Jimmy," said Edd, introducing the two. "Jimmy, this is Mr. Toadsworth. He is Princess Peach's attendant."

"And the ambassador on the behalf of the Mushroom Kingdom," Toadsworth added. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, young Master Jimmy."

"It's very kind to meet you as well, Mr. Toadsworth," said Jimmy, as he and Toadsworth shook hands in greeting.

"My, my, quite the well-mannered young lad you are, young Master Jimmy," said Toadsworth.

"Why, thank you, Mr. Toadsworth," said Jimmy.

"Pardon me for my rudeness," said Podley, the proprietor, who had returned from the back room. "Mr. Toadsworth, your break's over."

"Ah, yes, so sorry, but I must return to work," said Toadsworth, hopping out of his seat. "Pip-pip, ta-ta, and cheerio for now!" Jimmy sat between Edd and Nazz at the counter, while Koops sat to Nazz's right.

"Cheerio, Mr. Toadsworth!" called Edd and Jimmy simultaneously, as they perused their menus and Toadsworth returned to work, waiting tables. It was then that Edd had noticed that Podley caught Jimmy's eye.

"Jimmy, this is Mr. Podley, the proprietor of this humble inn and tavern," explained Edd to Jimmy, who sized up the Beanish-looking old man with a mixture of unease and intrigue before returning to perusing the menu.

"Ah, welcome back, all," said Podley, taking note of the presence of Koops and the Peach Creek kids at the counter. "As you see, Mr. Toadsworth is helping me keep up with the flow of customers by waiting tables. Seems he doesn't need to use his cane as much as he needs to when it comes to walking. In fact, I'll have him be your server, if you desire. Is there anything on the menu that tickles your fancy this evening?"

"Hmm," said Jimmy, reading the selections on his menu. "The Shroom Cake sounds a tad too casual, though it should make for a delectable dessert to follow up a plate of spaghetti al dente with fine marinara sauce." While he was a rather timid young boy, Jimmy was a very fancy eater, known for his artistic talents and views.

"Mr. Toadsworth! These patrons are ready to order!" called Podley to Toadsworth, who had finished serving Flavio's table.

"Hello again, young chaps!" said Toadsworth as he approached the Peach Creek kids and Koops. "My name is Toadsworth, and I shall be your server on this fine evening. Are you lot ready to place your orders?"

"Yes, I shall have the spaghetti al dente with marinara, a slice of Shroom Cake, and a glass of iced Honey-Lemon Zess Tea," said Jimmy.

"Fine selections, young Master Jimmy," said Toadsworth, jotting down Jimmy's order on his notepad. "And for the rest of you lot?"

"I shall order a Healthy Salad, a Super Mushroom, and a glass of iced Honey-Lemon Zess Tea," said Edd.

"I'll have the Zess T. Special Dinner with a glass of fresh mango juice," said Nazz.

"Um… I'll have a Super Mushroom with a side of Shroom Fries, and a glass of iced Koopa Tea," said Koops.

"Right away, young chaps!" said Toadsworth, jotting down the orders for Edd, Nazz, and Koops. He then stowed away the notepad and took the menus, one by one. "Your supper shall arrive momentarily."

Toadsworth gave the menus back to Podley and returned to the kitchen to inform the chef, Zess T., of the orders he had taken. Jimmy produced a sketchpad and some colored pencils and began drawing to pass time.

"So, Double-D," said Nazz, looking past Jimmy to face Edd. "Have you seen any good movies lately?"

"Yes, I have, Nazz," said Edd, smiling. "I've found myself to be quite engrossed in the _Star Wars_ franchise. Specifically, of course, I speak of the third film in the series, _Return of the Jedi_. I feel that it made for a good ending to the trilogy."

" _Star Wars_?" inquired Koops. "What exactly is _Star Wars_?"

"Do you know what movies are, Koops?" said Nazz.

"Of course I do, Nazz. Our worlds aren't _that_ different," said Koops rather derisively.

"My bad," said Nazz apologetically, shying off for a short second. "Anyways, the _Star Wars_ franchise is about a series of intergalactic wars, taking place ' _A long time ago in a galaxy far_ , _far away_ ,' as the beginning of each of those movies implies. I think there are about… seven films, one for each volume, three for each trilogy."

"Huh? Wait; correct me if I'm wrong," said Koops, "but if there are seven movies, why did you say that the third movie ended the trilogy?"

"The films were shown to the public out of order," explained Edd. "I suppose it can be rather confusing. There are currently two complete trilogies in the franchise; the first trilogy shown to the public, the original trilogy, consisted of volumes four, five, and six. The second trilogy shown to the public was the _prequel_ trilogy, consisting of volumes one, two, and three. To my knowledge, there is a third trilogy in development, apparently meant to be the sequel to the original trilogy."

"Wow. You're right, Double-D, that is rather confusing," said Koops. Jimmy, in the meantime, continued drawing in his sketchpad, humming softly to himself as he was in his own little world.

"In a number of ways, yeah, it was," concurred Nazz. "Anyways, are there, like, any movies around this world that you've seen, Koops?"

"Oh yeah," said Koops. "I know that, being from another world, you've never heard of this movie, but there's one of my favorite movies, _Koopa_ ' _s Day Off_."

" _Koopa_ ' _s Day Off_?" inquired Nazz curiously. "What's that about?"

"It's a classic dramedy, but you'll have to see it for yourself to make your own critique," said Koops. "Anyway, it's about this Koopa in his late twenties named Koopeter who works at this major corporation called Shell Shock Enterprises, Inc. as an office worker. One day, Koopeter is given the day off, so he narks the company car for a joyride, and ends up driving it over a cliff…"

As Koops and Nazz continued their discussion, Edd gave in to his curiosity and looked over at Jimmy's sketchpad to see what the young artist was drawing.

"My word," said Edd quietly, amazed. He was beholding a near perfect illustration of Koops and Nazz amid their discussion of movies, as well as the rest of the room in front of them; the sock-headed boy was particularly enraptured by the immense detail in the sketch, from the shading and the faces of the other patrons all the way to the background. Jimmy even managed to capture Flavio in mid-song at his table near the back, having drawn musical notes over the eccentric man's head to reflect this. It was then that Jimmy looked up beside him and noticed Edd staring at the sketch, awestruck.

"Hm? Oh, do you like it?" asked Jimmy.

"'Like' is a major understatement, Jimmy. This… this is truly a masterpiece, a sight to behold," replied Edd, enraptured as he examined the sketch. "You've managed to capture every detail, right down to the shadows cast by the lights. Far be it from me to determine, but I believe you have a bright future in the art world."

"Thank you, Double-D! It's nice to be appreciated for artistic prowess and vision," said Jimmy, smiling at the compliment that he had received. Edd soon returned to watching Koops and Nazz discussing movies as Jimmy returned to his sketchpad to fine-tune his drawing a bit further, humming to himself all the way.

"…and so he completely devours the whole thing in one gulp!" explained Koops to Nazz.

"Haha! That sounds like a funny movie!" chuckled Nazz, laughing all the way.

"I'd say more about it, but I don't wanna spoil it for you," said Koops, himself laughing as well.

"Hey, Double-D, we should totally see that movie _Koopa_ ' _s Day Off_ ," said Nazz to Edd. "It sounds hilarious!"

"That sounds good, Nazz," replied Edd.

"So, Koops, are there any other good movies out that we might like?" Nazz asked Koops.

"Well, let's see," Koops replied quizzically. "There's _The Paragoombas_ , _The Legend of Zelda_ , _Metroid Prime_ …"

"Order up, as they say!" came the voice of Toadsworth, who had returned with the foursome's meals. "Let's see, that's one Zess T. Special Dinner and fresh mango juice for young Lady Nazz; one spaghetti al dente with marinara sauce, one slice of Shroom Cake, and iced Honey-Lemon Zess Tea for young Master Jimmy; one Healthy Salad with one Super Mushroom, and iced Honey-Lemon Zess Tea for young Master Eddward; and one Super Mushroom with Shroom Fries and iced Koopa Tea for young Master Koops. Enjoy your meals, ho ho!"

"Ah, it all looks simply divine! Send my compliments to the chef, Mr. Toadsworth!" proclaimed Jimmy.

"Will there be anything else for you lot?" inquired Toadsworth.

"No thank you, Mr. Toadsworth, this shall be all," replied Edd.

"Cheerio for now!" proclaimed Toadsworth as he approached the table adjacent to Flavio's table.

"All right, let's dig in!" proclaimed Nazz. The foursome dined on their meals, finding them rather delectable.

 **End of Part Three**


	16. 2-8: Jimmy and Koops

**Second Intermission**

 **Part 4: Jimmy and Koops**

Night had finally set in. By now, Mario, Rolf, Goombella, and Madame Flurrie had since returned from western Rogueport with the tickets for the Cheeppelin blimp. They were due to take to the skies en route to Glitzville in the early morning hours. Edd shared his current lodging with Jimmy, Rolf, and Koops; Nazz, Goombella, and Madame Flurrie were in the room just across the hall; and Mario had a separate room all to himself, as did Toadsworth. Right now, though, Edd sat awake on his bed, having typed out his reply to Marie's email and making sure to re-check it for any errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar while tuning out Rolf's loud snoring:

"To Marie Kanker:

I have received your electronic communication and heard about your dance contest. I extend my sincerest congratulations to you on your victory. In a matter of curiosity, though, do you not feel rather awkward holding a dance contest whilst being held against your will in an undisclosed location? Well, perhaps it's best not to dwell on un-pleasantries unless absolutely necessary. Allow me to share an update – we've since found Rolf in the castle of Hooktail the dragon, as well as Jimmy in the Boggly Woods, but alas, unfortunately, no sign of Ed or Eddy as of yet. I urgently implore you to exercise vigilant caution, and do not let your guard down, no matter what.

Sincerely, Eddward."

 _This is most peculiar_ , Edd thought to himself. _I don't remember ever being this open with a Kanker before_ …

XXX000XXX000XXX

Jimmy lay awake on his bed, unable to sleep. He had removed his sweatshirt for the night, revealing the baby-blue T-shirt he wore underneath. He looked over at Rolf, who was snoring loudly; then he glanced at Edd, who was typing on his laptop, responding to Marie Kanker's email. It wasn't the sound of Rolf's snoring or the clickety-clack of Edd typing on his laptop that was keeping Jimmy awake; rather, his brain was trying too hard to process all that he had just been through, as well as the feeling of dread and anticipation over what would be next.

Mental images played out in Jimmy's head as he recalled holding onto Ed for dear life while the big lug tried to save Sarah from drowning when that freak storm struck out of nowhere. He had remembered a bright flash, and that when it was all over, he was all alone in a strange new world, in a monochrome, rather cold woodland, separated from his friends, even Sarah. He recalled his being taken hostage by two X-Naut soldiers whom he had only asked for help, and that he would have surely died there if not for the timely intervention of Edd, Nazz, and Rolf, as well as their peculiar new friends. Now he was thrust into a strange quest in a strange new world, unsure of the exact main objective, but it involved gathering what were called Crystal Stars, and one of them was in a place called Glitzville… and he didn't even have his beloved Mr. Yum Yum with him.

 _Glitzville_ , he thought to himself. _I wonder what it_ ' _ll be like there_ … _It_ ' _s gotta be better than what I went through in that black and white forest_ … _Why oh why did I forget to bring Mr_. _Yum Yum_?

He looked back at Rolf, who was quite the heavy – if not decently loud – sleeper, and then back at Edd, who had finished sending his response to Marie's email before closing his laptop. Jimmy then looked over at Koops's bed, but it was empty. He brushed it off, though, figuring Koops must just be in the bathroom. Jimmy waited until Edd dozed off to sleep, then he slowly climbed out of bed, tiptoeing very carefully so as not to wake his roommates; he grabbed his sweatshirt and tied it around his waist to keep from losing it. Stealing one last glance at his sleeping friends, he carefully opened the door and tiptoed out of the room, slowly closing the door.

 _Maybe some late night refreshment could do_ , he thought to himself as he made his way toward the stairs.

A door opened near the end of the hall, startling him. Jimmy quickly covered his mouth to keep from making any noise that would awaken the others. Koops emerged through the open door from the men's bathroom, adjusting the bandage on his nose, and almost immediately saw the younger human boy looking at him pensively.

"Oh, Jimmy, I'm sorry, did I startle you?" asked the teen-aged Koopa nervously.

"It-it's okay," Jimmy stuttered.

"What are you doing up so late?" asked Koops.

"I couldn't sleep," replied Jimmy, "I've been reflecting on the events of the day. I figured maybe some late night refreshment could help me sleep."

"Oh, okay, just don't stay up too late," said Koops.

"How about you?" asked Jimmy. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I was just changing my bandage," Koops replied, indicating the bandage on his nose.

"You got an owie on your nose?" inquired Jimmy. "How'd that happen?"

"Well, about two weeks ago, I was trying to impress a friend of mine that I really like," replied Koops, a tinge of discomfort and sadness in his voice. "Her name's Koopie Koo… I mean, we're kind of dating and all… and she doesn't seem to mind that I'm, well… clumsy and super-shy. I mean, the word 'oops' is right there in my name."

Jimmy felt a tug at his heartstrings with this comment – he could clearly relate to Koops's predicament.

"Anyway," the sad Koopa continued, "I figured, maybe I could take down the bad guys near Shhwonk Fortress and finally prove that I could be strong. I had just made it to the outpost where the rock-hard Clefts and prickly Bristles made their nest. I charged at them, but that was my mistake. I tripped over a Cleft and fell face-first into a Bristle's outstretched spike!"

Jimmy winced as Koops continued. "Cut my nose open something nasty! I had to have the bridge of my nose stitched up. That's why I keep changing my bandage. At that point, I'd all but just given up on trying to impress Koopie Koo… She says she's fine with it, but deep down, I can feel that she's not… Around that time, my father had already been missing for ten years, since I was, like, _five_ , and that coupled with the fact that I'm prone to accidents didn't help. I was the target of a lot of vicious torment growing up. Because of my awkwardness and sensitivity, I was called a lot of names, like 'weakling,' 'softie,' 'yellow-belly…' even 'glass shell.' It was always Koopie Koo that came to my defense, and that's part of why I like her so much… More than anything, though, I wanted to become stronger… I wanted to show them all… I wanted to stop being such a pathetic little glass-shell…"

Jimmy reached up and placed a hand near Koops's shoulder. "I know how you feel," said the timid boy.

"Yeah?" inquired Koops.

"Back in Peach Creek, I'm considered the 'weakling of all weaklings,'" said Jimmy. "Perhaps it's because I enjoy a lot of things girls like, such as dollies, flowers, tea parties, even haute couture. Plus, I'm so petite and delicate, and I do _a lot_ of crying. I was always getting owies left and right, too. One time, Eddy was flying around on a bouncy-ball, and he bounced off of a clothesline, and a clothes peg came loose and bounced toward me and just tapped my foot. I thought my foot was broken! That's how weak I thought I was!"

"Broken? By a clothes peg?" inquired Koops incredulously. "That's… unheard of."

"And then later that same day, a squirrel dropped an acorn into my glass of water," Jimmy continued. "All I did was look up and compliment the squirrel on its cuteness. I guess squirrels don't like being called cute, but either way, next thing I knew, the tree fell flat on top of me, giving me an even _bigger_ owie!"

Now it was Koops who winced. "Dang!" he said. "That had to hurt!"

"You have no idea," said Jimmy. "Looking back, I guess I was just hamming up the clothes peg incident because I was getting tired of watching Eddy hogging all the attention."

"Well, as long as you're alive and in one piece, that's what matters, right?" said Koops.

"Yeah, I guess so," Jimmy responded. "But it's because of my being so inadequate that the kids make fun of me, too, especially Eddy and Kevin. I remember one time, we were playing Truth or Dare, and when it was my turn, Kevin dared me to _skip my turn_. He also calls me 'Fluffy' a lot, because of my hair." He pointed at his cowlick to show Koops what he meant. "And then there's Eddy, who loves to torment everybody on a regular basis and try to scam us out of our money."

"And why would he do that?" asked Koops.

"Because that's just who he is," said Jimmy. "I remember one time, I was having a bad day because Sarah and Jonny wouldn't stop fighting over a shovel, and it made me really sad, and Eddy went and created a scam that he called 'Smileyville' to pretend to cheer me up."

"'Smileyville?'" inquired Koops.

"It was supposed to be this elaborate theme park meant to cheer me up, but it wasn't until after I paid him the twenty-five cents that I found out the truth," Jimmy continued. "There was no Smileyville behind that gate – it was just the lane, in all its un-smiley glory! My day went from bad to horrible, and all I could do was sit by the curb and cry my eyes out! I ended up spending the rest of the day with Rolf."

"Man, that's low, what he did to you," said Koops, referring to Eddy.

"But that's not even the worst thing he did!" Jimmy continued. "One day, during our Friendship Day celebration, the Eds came and crashed the party, and Eddy gave me a wedgie right in front of everybody!"

"Oh, my gosh, that's horrible!" Koops gasped in shock and disgust.

"You have no idea! Everyone, and I mean _everyone_ , laughed at me to no end!" said Jimmy. "Even Double-D, for some reason, but I forgave him about a week and a half later because of all of the Eds, Double-D is the most capable of feeling real remorse. All I could do at the time was cry and wish for it all to be over. The only one who didn't laugh at me at all, the only one who really had my back, was Sarah. She always has my back and protects me from meanies like Eddy and Kevin."

"Just like Koopie Koo does with me," said Koops. "I guess we're really not that different when you think about it, Jimmy." By now, they had made it to the stairs.

"I guess not. Though I wasn't _completely_ helpless," said Jimmy. "One good thing Eddy did for me was teach _me_ how to fleece the masses."

"Yeah?" said Koops.

"One day Sarah had a ballet lesson and had to leave me with the Eds for the day," said Jimmy. "I didn't want to be left alone in that den of lions, but she gave me a whistle to call her in case of an emergency. Anyways, Eddy and Double-D were watching me and Ed having fun and bonding, and Double-D's explanation gave Eddy the idea to make me more like him. And in a way, it worked. I had my first successful scam that day; a makeshift bouncing mat made of old and worn bed sheets sewn together with the synthetic hair of broken dollies. I charged twenty-five cents a head for twenty-five seconds of bouncing on the mat."

"That sounds like fun," said Koops. "I would have loved to try that."

"Of course, when Eddy demanded his cut of the money I made, I told him to hit the road," said Jimmy. "He snatched the jar of money out of my hand and threw me aside, but I wasn't having it, so I ran up and pounced him. That's when Ed absentmindedly blew the whistle that brought Sarah to the scene. I had to come up with a story and fast, so I jumped off Eddy, sat down on the ground, smacked some dirt in my face, and told Sarah that the Eds made me eat dirt all day. As I watched Sarah beat the Eds to a pulp, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself."

"Wow," said Koops, unnerved by this. "Sounds like this Eddy taught you _too_ well."

"Oh, yeah," said Jimmy, a broad, mischievous smile on his face. "I think Sarah figured out the truth when I treated her to some candy at the candy store, but she didn't seem to mind too much, as long as I was happy."

"What kind of candy did you buy?" asked Koops curiously.

"Some fudge, a couple of salt-water taffies, and of course, jawbreakers," said Jimmy.

"Sounds like a nice haul," marveled Koops.

"All in all, yeah, it was," said Jimmy.

"Hey, by the way," said Koops, eyeing Jimmy's retainer. "How'd you wind up wearing that brace?"

This proved to be a bit of a sore subject for Jimmy, but since Koops opened up to him about his own life, the pale boy decided he could trust this teen-aged Koopa with his life story.

"Well," said Jimmy, "about a year or so ago, Eddy was running this scam that he called 'Ed's Super Sweeeeets.' It was meant to be a sort of dessert stand. Anyway, Eddy sold me what I thought was a cream horn, and in spite of Sarah's warnings, I bit down on it, hard… only it wasn't a cream horn at all, it was a bowling pin in disguise!"

"Yowzer!" said Koops, horrified.

"It ruined my teeth, it was so hard!" cried Jimmy as quietly as he could, as neither he nor Koops wanted to wake anyone else. "My mom took me to the orthodontist, and he said I should wear this to reset my teeth."

Jimmy gently lowered the frontal frame of his retainer, showing the shocked Koops the lasting damage that had been done to his upper teeth as a result of that scam.

"Eeeegh," griped Koops.

"I know," said Jimmy, inserting the retainer's frontal frame back onto his damaged upper teeth. "Every day I wish I didn't have to wear it anymore, that I'd eventually have normal teeth again, but even my orthodontist doesn't have much hope there. He says it'll be about a year before then, and I'd still have to wear braces."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Jimmy," said Koops. "Hey, since we're both still up, would it be okay for me to join you downstairs for this late night refreshment?"

"Why, certainly, Koops," said Jimmy, as he and Koops exchanged friendly smiles.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, hello again, young lads," said Podley, noticing Jimmy and Koops sitting down at the counter as he wiped down the countertop. "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm almost done closing up. Toadsworth just checked in for the night, and Zess T. returned to her residence. Flavio's the only other one here."

"We're sorry, Mr. Podley," said Jimmy. "We leave for Glitzville tomorrow morning, and I got butterflies in my tummy."

"Yeah, we'd like a small drink, please, if it's okay with you," said Koops.

Podley thought for a few seconds before responding, "Well… all right. Perhaps the three of us can partake together in liquid sustenance. What will you have?"

"Just a small caffeine-free Chuckola Cola, on the rocks," said Jimmy, recalling seeing that particular refreshing beverage on the menu.

"Make that two, please," added Koops.

"Coming right up," said Podley. The old Beanish man crossed to a mini-refrigerator near the entrance to the kitchen and pulled out three bottles of differently-colored sodas – one purple, and two red – and placed them on the counter. He then brought out a bottle opener to remove the caps before placing the two red Chuckola Colas in front of the two boys, leaving the purple one for himself.

"Here you are, boys," said Podley. "Crisp, refreshing caffeine-free Chuckola Cola imported from my homeland, the Beanbean Kingdom."

"Beanbean Kingdom?" inquired Jimmy as he inserted a straw into his bottle before taking a sip. "Mmm, tasty and refreshing!"

"The Chuckola Cola is imported from the Beanbean Kingdom, made from the finest fully matured Chuckola Fruits grown in Chucklehuck Woods," said Podley. "In those woods, you'll find the Chateau de Chucklehuck, the home of Chuckola Cola, run by my twin cousins, Cork and Cask, and my great-uncle Bubbles."

"Sounds very interesting," said Jimmy.

"And to answer your other question, Jimmy, the Beanbean Kingdom is the closest neighbor nation of the Mushroom Kingdom," added Koops, taking a sip of his own Cherry Chuckola Cola. "I went there once, on my seventh-grade class trip. Mayor Kroop of Petalburg served as my chaperone at the time, since Dad was… well, you know. He'd taken me in and even gotten me my passport so I could go."

"Indeed, young Jimmy," said Podley. "I myself immigrated to the Mushroom Kingdom when I was in my 30s."

"So what is the Beanbean Kingdom like?" asked Jimmy, taking another sip.

"It's… interesting to say the least," Podley replied, taking a sip of his Grape Chuckola Cola. "I myself was born in Beanbean Castle Town, back when the old King Bean was the ruler of the nation. Since his passing about eleven or so years ago, the kingdom is now ruled by his daughter, the current Queen Bean."

Podley produced a map of the Beanbean Kingdom for Jimmy and Koops to see, and pointed in the center, indicating the castle and its nearby town.

"Off to the southwest is the Chateau de Chucklehuck, where the Chuckola Cola is produced," Podley continued, sliding his finger over to the woodland area. "The building is located at the edge of the Chucklehuck Woods, where the Chuckola Fruits necessary to flavor the cola are grown. The fruits range from Chuckola Berry, Chuckola Cherry, Chuckola Grape, and so on."

"The interesting thing about the Beanbean Kingdom, Jimmy, is the laughter motif found all over the nation," said Koops, taking another swig of his soda.

"Indeed, young Koops," said Podley. "For example, Jimmy, my daughter graduated from Woohoo Hooniversity with a doctorate in paleontology. She's concluded her research of Hoohoo Mountain's Guffawha Ruins and is currently studying the ruins beneath the sands of Teehee Valley."

"Ohhh, okay, now I get it," said Jimmy, catching on to the laughter references. "So what happens in the Beanbean Kingdom if you tell a bad joke?"

"Well… heh heh, you get the cold shoulder, just like anyone else who would tell a bad joke," said Podley. "It's said that all bad jokes told in the Beanbean Kingdom wind up… here, in the temple of ice known as Joke's End." The old Beanish man slid his finger up to the northeastern corner of the map, indicating the frozen temple of Joke's End. "It's basically the Beanbean Kingdom's version of the 'cold shoulder.'"

"Can you three please keep it down over there?" came the grumbling voice of Flavio, complaining about the noise. "I'm trying to write music here, and my muse struggles to break free."

"So sorry, Mr. Flavio, but for now, perhaps it's best to call it a night," replied Podley as he, Jimmy, and Koops finished their bottles of Chuckola Cola.

"Hey, Jimmy, I think he's got a point. I'm gonna call it a night," said Koops, yawning. "You coming up?"

Jimmy looked back at Flavio and discovered a large red skull-shaped ruby that the pompous businessman had produced. He was immediately both unnerved and enraptured.

"In a bit, Koops," said Jimmy.

"Well… okay. Just don't stay up too late. We leave for Glitzville early in the morning," Koops reminded him as he returned upstairs to their room. Jimmy crossed to Flavio at his table as Podley continued wiping the countertop.

"Oh, very well, Flavio's leaving," Flavio grumbled, picking up his ruby skull. He made for the door, but was stopped by Jimmy.

"Wowie, this… this is a rather interesting gem," Jimmy said, now looking at the gem through a specialized lens commonly used by jewelers to determine the value and authenticity of high-class jewelry. "Is this… _skull_ made of real ruby?"

"Abso-tootch-ly! Flavio thanks you for the compliment," Flavio responded pompously.

"How many karats?" asked Jimmy.

"Search me, kid. This is a priceless heirloom passed down through my family for generations," replied Flavio.

"Hmm… Interesting," Jimmy responded. "Where is it from originally?" _It seems rather gaudy to me_.

"'Twas quite the tale, truthfully," said Flavio. "Not to brag, but this priceless gem was procured by my ancestor, the great Flamenco Lambada, as a memento of his grand battle with the dreaded king of the pirates, Fernancito Cortez!"

"Oh, my!" gasped Jimmy, his eyes wide as saucers.

"Yes, quite the tale it was!" Flavio boasted. "Flamenco and Cortez engaged in a fierce duel to the death, for the rights to his grand wealth and treasure! Aye, it was a fierce fight, but Flamenco, my gallant ancestor, bested the fearsome pirate king, amassing riches of unspeakable fortune, among them this ruby skull!" Flavio held up the ruby skull gem again so that Jimmy could see.

"Just like Errol Flynn!" Jimmy marveled. "Or Johnny Depp."

"Of course, Flamenco did not plunder all of the treasure," Flavio continued. "However, he did surely amass enough to make my family as wealthy as we are today. It is because of him that Flavio is the richest man in all of Rogueport!"

"So what became of this fearsome Cortez?" asked Jimmy, somewhat annoyed by Flavio's incessant boasting.

"Ah, yes, that once-grand king of the pirates sailed away in disgrace, back to his hideout on Keelhaul Key!" Flavio boasted. "Though not without swearing vengeance and retribution upon those who seek to plunder what remains of his fabled treasure! And now, Flavio leaves you all for the night. Ta-ta!"

Jimmy yawned as Flavio left the tavern, singing all the way. "How do you put up with that guy, Mr. Podley?" he asked, turning to face the Beanish old man.

"It's a long story, Jimmy, one I'm afraid we don't have the time for," Podley responded.

"You're right," said Jimmy, yawning again. "Good night, Mr. Podley."

"Good night, Jimmy," replied Podley, exchanging a smile with Jimmy as the boy returned upstairs to his room.

Jimmy returned to the room, very slowly and quietly opening and closing the door and tiptoeing inside. He saw Koops fast asleep in his own bed, as well as Edd and Rolf, still snoozing away, with Rolf still snoring as loudly as before. Jimmy then climbed into his own bed, poked his head out from the covers, lay his head face-up on the fluffy marshmallow-like pillow, and, with one final quiet yawn, allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

XXX000XXX000XXX

The next morning, everyone was piled into the Cheeppelin blimp en route to Glitzville… everyone except Edd, who for some reason was running late.

"WAIT, FELLOWS!" he called as he dashed madly toward the blimp.

"Double-D, you're late!" Nazz called to him from outside. "We're already waiting here for you!"

"My… apologies," gasped Edd, breathless from the run.

"Tickets, please," said Stewart, the fish-like Cheep-Cheep attendant near the blimp. Edd and Nazz simply handed over their tickets, which they had gotten from Rolf and Mario, and climbed into the blimp.

"You almost missed the flight, Double-D!" Goombella chided.

"Attention, passengers," came the pilot's voice over the speaker. "This is your pilot speaking. This blimp will now be departing for Glitzville. Please wear your seatbelts at all times. That is all." The blimp shook, and an engine could be heard. It had released ballast, lifting off from the ground en route to the floating city of Glitzville.

 **End of Intermission**


	17. 3-1: Welcome to Glitzville!

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 1: Welcome to Glitzville!**

"Attention, passengers. We are now touching down at the main plaza of Glitzville. All those disembarking, please report to the elevator immediately."

The eight passengers crammed into the very tightly-fit elevator room like sardines in a small tray. All sorts of conversations began.

"Hey, get off my foot!"

"Rolf apologizes."

"Dude, this place is so shiny!"

"Um, is this a bad time to say I'm afraid of heights?"

"Ze light décor is très fascinant, albeit un bit clichéd."

"Excuse me, can someone tell me where the bathroom is?"

"I must insist that you _remove your hand from my hat at once_!"

"Mamma-mia, let's-a go already!"

"Um… oh, we're moving."

The elevator room began to descend from the blimp very slowly, on a wire. It gradually lowered itself and its passengers into the light-filled city, coming to a stop upon contact with the landing pad. The doors opened, and all of the passengers piled out, finally able to move properly after being stuffed into there like turkey stuffing.

"Wowie, look at this place! It's like an amusement park!" Jimmy marveled, stars in his eyes. "Bright lights and attractions, whee! Pinch me, Nazz, I'm dreaming!"

Glitzville was truly a sight to behold. Bright, multicolored lights shone all over the place, some casting radiant beams skyward. The architecture of this floating city was reminiscent of Chinese temples, seen most noticeably in some of the rooftops. This was the entertainment capital of Rogueport. The largest building in Glitzville stood directly behind them; the Glitz Pit, the fighting arena mentioned by Professor Frankly where spectators from all around came to place wagers on the fights that took place. Each member of the group had received a brochure upon disembarking from the blimp.

"Let's check out what they got here," said Koops, opening his brochure. "Well, there's Podler's fresh juice shop over thataway, by the east side… hmm, this Podler looks exactly like Mr. Podley back in Rogueport. Maybe that's his twin brother. Oh, and Mr. Hoggle's Hot Dog Stand is to the west, there, in that cart wagon. And of course, the largest building in Glitzville is the Glitz Pit, the city's main attraction. This is the place Professor Frankly was talking about. Remember? He said that Don Pianta guy sometimes bets on the fights there."

"Sounds like fun," said Goombella. "But where should we start? I mean, that Crystal Star could be anywhere here…"

"Perhaps-a over there?" inquired Mario, directing his friends' attention to another building, covered by a cloth and seemingly under construction.

"Hm, strange. That one's not on the brochure," Koops pondered, shifting his gaze between the brochure and the new attraction.

"Perhaps it is un nouveau attraction?" inquired Madame Flurrie.

"Haha, just what the place needs," Nazz added, sarcastically.

The crowds of people were overwhelming. There were Mousers, Bob-ombs, Koopas, Toads, among others, all over the place.

"It seems that new attraction currently under wraps is already garnering quite the crowd," said Edd, observing the rather long line of customers now forming in front of the cloaked establishment. Suddenly, a voice shouted from underneath the large cloak:

"HEY, FOLKS!"

The Peach Creek kids almost immediately recognized that loud, somewhat scratchy voice.

"Is that-?" began Nazz.

"Can it be-?" interrupted Edd, as a drum roll mysteriously sounded out of nowhere.

"INDEED IT IS, FOLKS! YOU'VE WAITED ALL DAY FOR THIS, BUT NOW, THANKS TO A GENEROUS LOAN FROM THE PROMOTER OF THE GLITZ PIT, I GIVE YOU…"

The voice stopped shouting as the large cloak covering the new attraction was lifted away by a large crane, revealing it to be a souvenir stand of sorts. The Peach Creek kids gasped at the name as they heard the distinct crash of a cymbal.

"… **EDDY'S SOUVENIR STAND**!"

Immediately, the source of the voice jumped onto the desk of the stand – a short, rather loud-mouthed youth with three slicked-back hairs on his head, wearing a yellow bowling shirt with a vertical red stripe, and a pair of blue jeans with a wallet chain hanging out of his front left pocket. The Peach Creek kids recognized him immediately – _it was Eddy_!

The crowds of customers roared in excitement in the line they had formed in front of the counter. Realizing the only way to get to Eddy now would be to wait in line, the heroes joined the line in the back, waiting to reach the front. As the line moved up, they could hear Eddy saying stuff like "That'll be 25 coins, my good man," "Limited quantity, better move fast" and even "Hey hey hey, quit holdin' up the line!"

"Day-late-and-a-dollar-short Ed-boy is here?" asked Rolf as the group began to move up the line, with Edd in front of the others in his group. Finally, it was Edd's turn in line.

"Well, hello there, my good man, and what can I-" began Eddy. He stopped short of completing the sentence, however, as he realized who was standing in front of him.

"My, my, you seem to have adapted to this peculiar new world quite well, Eddy," remarked Edd.

"Uhh… Goin' out to lunch! Be back in ten minutes!" Eddy called to the other customers, placing a sign that read "Out to Lunch, Back in 10 Mins" on the countertop. He immediately hopped over the countertop and approached Edd, Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy.

"SOCKHEAD!" Eddy screamed jovially at the sight of his friends, pulling Edd into a tight hug. "Oh, man, am I glad to see you! And Stretch! Curly-cue! And-heh heh…"

"Hi, Eddy," said Nazz, waving at him. "Seems you've been holding up well."

Eddy tried to respond to Nazz's sentiment, but when he opened his mouth, his green-colored tongue was shown to have tied itself into a bow-tie knot, much like the laces on sneakers. Goombella couldn't help but chuckle as she observed this.

"Heh-heh, are you always this awkward around pretty girls?" she asked Eddy.

Eddy managed to collect his bearings momentarily, long enough to ask, "Whoa, who are you? And what's with the hard hat? You gonna blow up a mine shaft or somethin'?"

"I'm Goombella, and I major in history and ancient civilizations at University of Goom," Goombella chided.

"Well, hey, if it involves treasure in any way, I want my cut!" Eddy replied. Goombella sighed exasperatedly.

"I see what you were saying about this guy, Jimmy," whispered Koops to Jimmy.

"Was I lying?" Jimmy asked. Koops didn't answer, as it was a rhetorical question.

"So, Sockhead, give! You find Monobrow and the other suckers, or what?" asked Eddy impatiently, referring to Ed and the others.

"Unfortunately, no, I haven't found any sign of Ed, or Sarah, or Jonny, or Plank, or even Kevin," Edd replied. "But I have heard from Marie Kanker."

"Man, the Kankers are in this world too?" Eddy huffed. "Great. Just great. That's the last thing we need – the Kanker Sisters all over us."

"Actually, she and her sisters are being held in an undisclosed location, along with the princess," said Edd.

"Princess? Like, a real princess?" Eddy boasted, trying to sound suave. "And she needs her Eddy McGee to save her?"

"And… why would _Princess Peach_ want _you_ to do that?" snarked Edd. "We've already got somebody here who's been doing it since 1985!"

At this cue, Mario jumped high and performed a somersault, flashing a thumbs-up at the shortest Ed-boy.

"It's-a me, Mario!" proclaimed the plumber.

"So, Eddy, spill it," said Nazz. "How'd you manage to get your own business in a floating amusement park?"

"Haha, well, it's like this, ladies and germs," boasted Eddy a bit too proudly. "Somehow, after I almost drowned in that freak storm, I woke up here in Glitzville, with no sign of Rolf, Jonny 2x4, and Plank. I still don't know how it happened, so bear with me, folks. I spent hours lookin' up and down this joint, and then the idea hit me: how about instead of me tryin' to find you, I'll just bring you guys to me! So I figured, best way to do that is to get a scam going."

"Really, Eddy? That's the first thing you do upon waking up in a strange new world unfamiliar to you or us, is shuck, sandbag, and swindle the local fauna out of their hard-earned wages?" Edd asked, growing exasperated. "Why, I would have thought the ill-fated sailing venture at the creek would have been enough to teach you any differently."

"Well, yeah, that's what I _wanted_ to do at first," Eddy went on. "I took my money-making ideas to the Glitz Pit, 'cuz let's face it, that's the main attraction up in this joint. It took me hours of waitin' for security to make me an appointment with the owner, but I spoke with him. His name's Mr. Grubba, and he's this big lizard-lookin' guy who's also really _fat_ , but he's cool, 'cuz see, we made a deal. He told me that if I sold souvenirs to the pigeons-err, I mean the public- then I'd get an official deed to start my souvenir stand! I'm gonna be rich, and my name, Eddy McGee, in LIGHTS all around! It's a cinch! I figured if anyone I knew saw the name, they'd know to come to Glitzville and find me!"

"Sounds like you had a blast, compared to us," Nazz remarked.

"Well, now, we've got some stories of our own to share," said Edd. "Ah, but first, introductions. This, as you know, now, is Mario," he continued, indicating Mario. "He's the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, who's been rescuing Princess Peach since 1985."

Edd then approached Goombella while facing Eddy, saying, "And I see you've already met Goombella. A fellow scholar, like yours truly."

"Perhaps I should add you to my Tattle Log, Eddy," chuckled Goombella.

"That might not be necessary, Goombella," said Edd.

"My name's Koops, and based on what I've heard, I don't like you," said Koops rather bluntly, exchanging a knowing glance with Jimmy.

"Yeah? Well, you're no prize either, Shellshock," Eddy retorted.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Eddy, je m'appelle Madame Flurrie," said Flurrie.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Eddy yelled, his eyes wide as saucers at Flurrie's appearance. "What the heck kind o' dame are you?"

As he said this, his eyes darted from her face to her rather voluptuous, buxom figure.

"Would vous like to find out?" chuckled Flurrie, her voice sounding rather seductive. Eddy backed away immediately, as he was reminded of Lee Kanker.

"Bohemian," Edd said, off-put by this latest comparison to the Kanker Sisters. Flurrie heard him, and backed off. "Madame Flurrie, you realize he's a bit too _young_ for you, right?"

"Eh-heh, well… As you all know, I'm the great Eddy McGee!" Eddy boasted, still trying to get the image of Flurrie out of his head. Turning to Edd, he continued, "So, makin' friends with the locals, Sockhead? Smart move! Heck, that was the best move I made! That Grubba guy's so my hero, maybe more than my bro."

"Focus, Eddy!" remarked Edd. "We came here in search of a very important gem known as a Crystal Star."

"Crystal Star? What the heck's a Crystal Star?" Eddy demanded to know. _Maybe I can sell it for cash_!

"Oh, do we have quite the story for you, Eddy," Edd responded. "Once the storm subsided…"

XXX000XXX000XXX

It had been roughly between ten and twelve minutes before Edd had finished explaining the recent events to a surprisingly-attentive Eddy.

"No way!" Eddy exclaimed at the end of Edd's explanation. "That's what you've been up to?"

"I assure you, it's all true, Eddy," Edd replied.

"No, no, I believe ya, Sockhead. I've been seein' a lotta strange lookin' things since I wound up here," Eddy said. "Hate to burst your bubble, but I don't know where this 'Crystal Star' whatchamahoozit could be."

"That's all well and good," said Edd. "So, would you be in any way able to assist us regardless of this fact?"

"Sure thing, Double-D," replied Eddy.

"Then maybe you could come with us and help us look for it?" inquired Jimmy.

"Ooh… no can do there, Curly," said Eddy.

"But Eddy-" began Edd.

"But nothin', Sockhead!" Eddy interrupted. "I gotta stay here and man my souvenir stand! I signed a contract!"

"Wow. In some strange way, I'm proud of you, Eddy," said Edd. "I never thought I'd see the day where you of all people adhere to a strict set of rules and regulations put forth by a signature on an elaborate document printed on paper."

"Let it go, Double-D," Jimmy mused. Then, more quietly, he added, "He'd probably just annoy the Mr. Bojangles out of us if he joined us, anyway."

"Jimmy!"

"Sorry," said Jimmy. "But it is true," he whispered to Koops.

"Besides, I can still help ya's," said Eddy. "You can take what you want here for free, granted you don't sing like a canary to Mr. Grubba about it. Oh, and I can also fill you in on whatever you want to know about this place. I gotta stay here and please my pigeons- err, public."

"Very well then, Eddy," Edd replied. "You're probably safest this way, anyway."

"Well, good luck on your treasure hunt there, Sockhead! I'll be seeing ya!" Eddy proclaimed. Immediately after, he returned to the stand and removed the "Out to Lunch" sign on the counter so he could return to the line of customers at his souvenir stand.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, here's the Glitz Pit," remarked Jimmy. "Maybe we can check out some of the fights, if that's okay."

The group walked through the automated double doors and entered the expansive lobby of the Glitz Pit. The walls exuded a golden-hued vibe, there were posters of famous fighters on the walls, a large bejeweled chandelier hung from the ceiling, rock music was playing on the intercom system, and there were people everywhere – some fans, some fighters, and even several paparazzi. This lobby was two stories tall, with the second story accessible by a symmetrical set of staircases leading up to the second-floor balcony. The group's attention soon was fixated on a large computer screen, which they soon approached.

"Hmm, this must be the schedule for each fight," said Nazz as she read the information on the monitor. "Apparently, right now, as we speak, there's a match going on between the champion and the next-highest-ranked fighter in this place: 'Rawk Hawk versus The Koopinator.'"

"That sounds pretty awesome," remarked Goombella. "Might not hurt to take a break and check it out."

"Sounds good to me," said Koops.

"Well, I suppose we could observe," said Edd.

He and Nazz led the others into the arena, through the red double doors directly in front of them, on the ground floor. Inside, the room was enormous. It appeared to be a large wrestling arena, complete with a fighting ring. There was a wide array of seats surrounding the main area where the ring was, arranged in typical arena fashion; a fixture of lights shone directly high up above the ring; and the jumbotron screens above the entrances on the left and right gave the group and the spectators a more close-up view of the action in the ring.

"Wow, this place is so cool!" exclaimed Koops.

The arena was packed with spectators filling almost all of the seats, so the group remained in front of the doors through which they entered. The fight seemed to have come to a close rather quickly, as the large, bird-like fighter with enormous muscles landed right on top of the other fighter – an armor-clad Koopa – flattening him like a pancake. The crowd around the group went wild, with cheers and boos. The bird-like fighter climbed off of his flattened and defeated opponent, flexing his physique to show off for his many adoring fans, as the promoter joined him in the ring with a microphone.

"Stay down, pincushion!" bragged the bird-like combatant. "You don't want any more of this! Why'd ya even bother showin' up?! Yeah, you hear me talkin', Wimpy? Stay outta this ring, or feel the BURN! Tell ya what – do about a million push-ups and then come see Uncle RAWK HAWK! I'll give ya another world-class spankin' and send ya back home to Momma again!"

 _ **Rawk Hawk**_ _, aka the "Feral Nuclear Reactor," is the current champion of the Glitz Pit. He is essentially another version of Eddy – arrogant, self-obsessed, and an enormous ego. He's so overconfident, in fact, that he thinks no one can beat him. He is even willing to resort to dishonest methods to ensure he retains his title – in a way, like Eddy._

 _ **Grubba Gulperin**_ _is the promoter and referee of the Glitz Pit, and currently Eddy's employer. He is a Clubba who talks in a thick Tennessee accent, comparable to Billy Ray Cyrus or Larry the Cable Guy. He is over 60 years old, and as such, many believe him to be past his prime, as he was a former champion fighter in his heyday. However, his physique strangely seems to betray his age…_

"Hooooooo-WHEE! That was some Grade-A butt-whoopin'!" Grubba shouted into his microphone. "Ya got any thoughts on this here match, Rawk Hawk?"

"You call that a match, Grubba?" Rawk boasted. "Shoot, that ain't a match! Ain't there any REAL fighters out there who got the gumption to challenge me? NOPE! Ain't nobody who can! Ain't a fighter out there that can make me so much as sweat! They're all a bunch o' little crybabies, runnin' around in stinky poopy diapers!" As he said this, Rawk seemed to be eyeing Edd and Jimmy directly. "So, to all o' y'all who got a bone to pick, COME FIGHT ME! BRING IT ON! I'll take on ANYONE! Y'all weaklings might as well stick to video-game fightin', 'K? I'M NUMBER ONE, BABY! RAWK HAWK IS THE CHAMP!"

"Awwwwww, yeah!" Grubba proclaimed. "Show 'em that champ's belt!"

Rawk then held up the champion's belt. It was a belt of many golden hues, with star patterns going along the belt lining. As the group saw this, they noticed something about the star-shaped gem on the belt's buckle…

"Is that…?" began Nazz.

"It is!" Edd concluded. "It's a Crystal Star! It's on the champion's belt!"

"Oh my gosh, you're right, Double-D, it IS!" proclaimed Goombella. "But that makes no sense! Why would a _Crystal Star_ , of all things, be on the champion's belt?"

"THANK YOU! GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!" proclaimed Rawk, holding up the champ's belt very – if not too – proudly.

 **End of Part One**


	18. 3-2: The Fight for Glory Begins

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 2: The Fight for Glory Begins**

Edd and his companions congregated back in the grand lobby of the Glitz Pit, having realized that the Gold Crystal Star they had been seeking was currently on the belt of the current champion, Rawk Hawk. They knew they needed that Crystal Star, but they also needed to form a plan on how to get it.

"So now what, guys?" asked Nazz.

"Hmm…" mused Edd, contemplating the options at hand. "Currently the Crystal Star is on that belt, which belongs to the champion, one Rawk Hawk; and so obviously, it's not like we can just up and filch the gem. This is quite a pickle, indeed."

For the next few seconds, the group puzzled for ways to procure the star, but thus far, all came up short. Jimmy, however, soon turned his attention to Mario, who appeared to be particularly antsy.

"Guys? I think Mr. Mario wants to say something," he pointed out.

"Yes, yes, Rolf wishes to hear the words of the mustached one as well, yes?" Rolf concurred.

"I got it!" proclaimed Mario. "It's-a probably the only legit-a way for us to get-a the Crystal Star."

"Yeah, how?" inquired Koops.

"We… well, uh…" Mario began, but stopped.

"Yes, Mario?" inquired Edd.

"We sign up as-a new fighters and battle our-a way to the championship," Mario said.

"Eep! Are you serious? Us? In there? With THAT?!" Jimmy stammered, terrified, referring to Rawk Hawk.

"The Star is on-a the champ's-a belt," Mario continued. "All-a we have to do is-a fight our-a way to the top."

"Oh, nana," said Rolf, surprised.

"Come-a now, it'll-a be probably the safest-a fights-a we've had-a so far," said Mario.

Slowly but surely, the others began to realize that Mario was right. If they had any hope of collecting the Crystal Star here, they had no other option but to sign up as new fighters in the Glitz Pit and rise up the ranks to win the champion's belt, fair and square.

"Oh, very well," Edd said, resigning himself to this inevitability. "I've abandoned all reason and pacifism. A fighter I shall be."

"All right!" exclaimed Nazz. "Let's sign up!"

"This is gonna be so awesome!" Goombella exclaimed.

With Goombella now leading them, the group crossed to a nearby door to the left of the leftmost stairwell. The door was blocked by an officer of Glitz Pit security, and there were velvet ropes near the front of the door, as though a line could form there. All the while, Jimmy was fighting back the butterflies in his stomach.

"Sorry, kids, only fighters and Glitz Pit staff are allowed beyond this point," the guard, Yardley, told them.

"That's why we're here, Mister… Yardley," said Nazz, reading the name plate on Yardley's suit. "We're signing up to rumble in the Glitz Pit!"

"What's that now, miss?" Yardley queried. "Y'all wanna become fighters?"

"Absolutely!" proclaimed Mario.

"Hmmm," said Yardley, scratching his chin. "If y'all are serious about this, you should meet with the promoter, Mr. Grubba. Just go down the hall until you have to make a right turn, and once you do, it'll be the first door on the left. You can't miss it. Head on through." Yardley then opened the door to allow the group of eight to enter.

They emerged in a rather dank-looking hallway, rather dimly lit, with grayish looking walls and a checkered floor that looked to be tan and beige, a stark contrast to the fancy lobby. Following Yardley's directions, they walked down the hall, past the security guards standing in front of the doors – one red, one blue - that led to rooms that were none of the group's concern, until they came to a turn to the right. Turning right, they managed to find the red-colored door to Grubba's office on their left, which was also guarded by another security officer, this one named Vincent.

"Pardon us, sir," said Edd. "We're here to sign up as new fighters in the Glitz Pit. To do so, we need to speak with Mr. Grubba, immediately."

"What's that? You kids want to be fighters here?" said Vincent. "Ah, of course. We always welcome new challengers. Mr. Grubba is right through this door."

Vincent stepped aside to allow Edd, Mario, and their compatriots to enter the door.

The group arrived in Grubba's office. It appeared to be very small, but more of a sight to their eyes than the dingy hallway. There were two lounge chairs on opposite sides of a small table near the corner. A medium-sized green houseplant sat at the near-leftmost corner of the office, near the door; the walls were painted a marble white, almost resembling the marble architecture of Rogueport Sewers; and there were two armoires on the rightmost wall, situated beneath the grating of an air vent.

Grubba, the promoter, immediately looked up from the laptop on his desk to discover the group of eight that had just entered.

"Whuzzuh?" he yelped. "Who in tarnation are you kids, 'n who let y'all in here? This is Grubba's office!"

"My name is Eddward, and this is Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie," responded Edd, indicating himself and his friends. "Your security officers allowed us an appointment with you, Mr. Grubba."

"Yup, that's me, Mr. Grubba! And y'all are some rude dudes 'n dudettes, comin' in here without a-knockin'!" Grubba fired back. "Great Gallopin' Gulpits, what're y'all doin' in my office, anyhows?"

"Why else would we be here?" replied Edd. "We're here to sign up as new fighters!"

"What's that, now? Y'all wanna be fighters?" Grubba inquired, looking at the group of eight.

"That's correct, Mr. Grubba," said Edd.

"WHOA, Nellie! Why, that does change a thing 'r two! I always got time for up-'n-comers!" Grubba proclaimed. "Yep, this place is packed to the gills with young fighters, all primed and a-rarin' to go!" Grubba then sized up each individual member of their ragtag group. "I mean, I gotta say, y'all look awful young 'n thin for my tastes, but I'm willin' to give y'all a shot. Now play me straight. Y'all wanna live the glamorous life of a champ, don'tcha?"

"Durn skippy!" proclaimed Jimmy, imitating Grubba's accent, inciting a quizzical look from Edd.

"Ya, ya!" Rolf added.

The others added in their agreement.

"Well, hi-ho, Silver! I hear where y'all are comin' from, loud 'n clear!" Grubba proclaimed boisterously. The plus-size promoter rose from his seat behind the desk and crossed over close to the two armoires. So far, Eddy's description of Grubba fit rather perfectly – he was a large, quite heavyset, lizard-like creature.

"Y'all see, buckaroos, when I was just a poor pup, I didn't give a Pokey's patoot for fancy big city lifestyles," Grubba continued. "But then I jumped into the world of mixed martial arts and fought my way to fame and fortune! An' hey, ya know what I realized? I realized that bein' rich 'n famous is _diggety-dang dynamite_! Course, now I'm too old for livin' that ol' life o' mixin' it up in the ring, but I earned enough to set me for life. Y'all readin' me there, buckaroos? Dreams do come true – even if they ain't exactly yours."

"My word…" Edd whispered.

"Yep, that's the key, buckaroos! That's the winner's way – dream big 'n ya GET big!" Grubba proclaimed. "An' when ya make it big, you'll look back at all them thar small-dreamers and laugh! Y'all readin' me, buckaroos?"

"Loud and clear, Mr. Grubba!" proclaimed Jimmy.

"Of course, Mr. Grubba," added Edd.

"That's the spirit!" Grubba proclaimed. "C'mon here, now, 'n let's have us a li'l walk-n-talk."

Grubba opened the door and led the eight friends out of his office, and down the hall, to the room next door. He motioned for the guard standing outside to step aside before opening the door and leading the friends into another room.

"Rapture…" was the first word out of Edd's mouth. The others seemed to share his sentiment.

This was a very extravagant room, with golden-colored wallpaper, and the floor was comprised of purple, plush shag carpeting with a golden outer rim. A large dresser, with an overhead big enough for a really small person to stand on, sat beneath another air vent, directly to one side of the door. Gift boxes, a single bench-press, and a bowl full of fan mail sat nearby on the other side of the room, near a water fountain. The bed was fancy, too, sitting on a red pedestal with golden diamond patterned lines across it.

"How do y'all like this, pards?" exclaimed Grubba. "Feast your eyes on the champion's room. Ain't it a sight to behold? Deeeee-luxe! Y'all become champ, and y'all get the key to this room! That's on top o' the big money 'n screamin' fans!"

"Sounds like Eddy's dreams, in a nutshell," whispered Edd to Nazz.

"No doubt about it, buckaroos!" Grubba continued in that same boisterous voice reminiscent of Eddy. "Apply y'all-selves, 'n a life o' wealth 'n comfort awaits!"

Rawk came out of a nearby private restroom and saw Grubba with the band of eight.

"Hey, I'm combin' my hair here!" shouted the champ. "Do y'all mind?"

"Movin' right along, now…" chuckled the promoter uncomfortably.

Grubba then led the large group out of the champion's room, and to another room down the hall past his office. This room wasn't as glamorous, but it seemed rather well-kept. There were several lockers and a door marked "Fighters' Bunks," obviously leading to a room with bunk beds. Just like in the champion's room, there was a monitor that one could use to reserve a match in the ring. Nazz silently recognized "The Koopinator," the fighter that they had seen get taken down by Rawk Hawk.

"Now, uh, here we got the major-league locker room. A lotta contenders here!" Grubba explained. "Whatcha think? Not exactly glamorous, I'll admit, but it's clean, comfy, 'n _com_ -pletely sani-ma-tary. I mean, call me ol'-fashioned, but I care about my fighters, durnit!"

"Look, there's 'The Koopinator,'" whispered Nazz, directing their gaze to the armored Koopa.

"Anywhose, movin' right along," said Grubba as he ushered the band of eight out of the major-league room and led them back to his office.

"Now, as y'all buckaroos know, clawin' yer way to the top 'n takin' the belt to become champ ain't easy, but hey, that's the point! Wouldn't be worth it without the challenge! Which brings me to this: Are… all o' y'all enterin' the pit together?"

"In a way, yes," Edd replied.

"Well, I hate to be tossin' a wet blanket here, pardner, but an eight-person team is too cheap out there on the field," said Grubba rather matter-of-factly. "Glitz Pit regulations clearly state that all teams are limited to five fighters apiece."

"Not a problem," Edd responded. "As there are eight of us, we'll merely break off into two groups of four."

With that, Edd and Mario moved to opposite sides of the room. Edd was joined by Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy; while Mario was joined by Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie.

"You, Jimmy? You really want in on this?" Nazz asked Jimmy incredulously, aware of the pale boy's rather delicate nature.

"Absolutely, Nazz!" Jimmy fired back, determined. "I'm tired of being a petite, delicate weakling! This is my chance to prove myself to everyone, even you guys! I wanna give 'em heck out there!"

"Rolf welcomes the inclusion of Boy Jimmy into our fisticuffs foursome!" proclaimed Rolf.

"As do we, Rolf," said Edd. "Jimmy, you're in."

"Yes!" Jimmy high-fived Edd and Nazz, while Rolf raised the pale boy's arm skyward.

"Let Rolf rub the pit of impending victory, Boy Jimmy!" said Rolf, rubbing Jimmy's armpit.

"Um… thanks, Rolf," said Jimmy, off-put by the gesture but not wanting to risk a duel with Rolf by insulting the Old Country customs of the son of a shepherd – as Eddy had once found out the hard way.

"Well, that seems about right 'n equal," said Grubba. "Now that y'all've broken off into yer teams o' four, y'all now gotta pick yer team leaders."

"Double-D," said Jimmy immediately, pointing at Edd.

"Pardon?" asked Grubba, raising an eyebrow.

"Double-D!" Jimmy repeated.

"Son, 'Double-D' is what my ex-wife wears every night she goes a-clubbin'," said Grubba.

"TMI, Mr. Grubba," said Nazz. "Too much information."

"Well, to you, it's Eddward," Jimmy elaborated. "We call him 'Double-D' because of how his name is spelled."

"Ah, well, thank you fer clearin' that up," Grubba said.

"Double-D will be our team leader," Jimmy continued.

"Pardon? Me? Why me?" asked Edd nervously, showing signs of becoming mortified.

"Well, because you're super smart," Nazz answered. "We need a smart leader in this fight."

"Oh. Well, then… very well, I accept," said Edd.

"And for our team, we've decided on Mario as our team leader," said Koops.

"Let's-a go!" proclaimed Mario, flashing a thumbs-up.

"Well, that's all squared away. Good," said Grubba. "Mario. Eddward. Approach my desk."

Edd and Mario did as told, facing Grubba directly as they did so.

"Now, I gotta say, y'all two ain't got bad handles," said Grubba. "But still, pards, them names lack punch as fighter's names, get me? Let me see… Bam! Hoo-WHEE! I got it! Eddward, from now on, you'll be… the Extreme Eduardo!"

"Extreme Eduardo… A rather apropos handle for a fighter. I like it!" said Edd. _It sure beats the humiliation that was the Masked Mumbler_ …

"Mario, from now on, you'll be… The Great Gonzales!" Grubba proclaimed to Mario.

"That's a spicy meat-a-ball!" Mario exclaimed, flashing another thumbs-up.

"All righty then," said Grubba. "Now, one last thing… Y'all need to sign a li'l itty-bitty contract to o-fficially become fighters. Ain't no thing, just take a second or two o' y'all's time."

Grubba presented the contracts to the newly-enlisted fighters. Edd and his team signed their contract first, using their first and last names; then Mario and _his_ team signed _their_ contract.

"Excellent! Make me proud!" said Grubba. "Now that we got all o' that business junk outta the way, a few more things. Here's how the whole fightin' system works: First off, it's strictly sport. None o' that bloody, gory, killin' each other type sport, neither. Should any of the aforementioned events occur, the fight will end, the brutalized team will automatically win, and the team that committed the foul will lose a rank. If it's real bad, then the offendin' team who instigated the incident will be expelled from the Pit. Eh, but y'all are probably done hearin' me jammer on 'n on…"

Grubba pressed a button on his intercom phone and spoke into it.

"Jolene? Could you come in here a minute, darlin'?"

The response to this was immediate, as a woman in her mid-twenties walked into his office carrying a notepad. She wore a red business suit with matching red shoes, her hair was short and blonde with a wave of hair sticking out from her magenta-spotted mushroom cap, and she wore a set of horn-rimmed glasses.

 _ **Jolene Toadwaller**_ _is the manager of the Glitz Pit, and Grubba's secretary. She seems rather pragmatic, all business, who wears horn-rimmed glasses and sports a mushroom cap with magenta spots. Many rumors have abounded about her, namely that she tends to disappear for long periods of time, having been observed going into bathrooms and never coming out. She may have ulterior motives._

"Yes, sir? You wished to see me?" inquired Jolene, adjusting her glasses.

"Sure did, hon," replied Grubba. "Jolene, these 'r our new risin' stars. The Extreme Eduardo 'n the Great Gonzales! And their teams, of course. Be a peach 'n take 'em down to the minor-league locker room, all righty?"

"Right away, sir," replied Jolene, turning to face Edd and Mario and their respective teams. "Hello there, I am Jolene Toadwaller, Mr. Grubba's executive secretary. You may call me Jolene, though I prefer 'Miss Jolene.' Well then. Teams Eduardo and Gonzales. If you would be so kind, please, follow me."

Jolene led the two teams out of Grubba's office to bring them to the minor-league locker room. On the way there, she explained to them, "Okay, as you all know, you are now contracted fighters, which means you are to abide by certain rules. First and foremost – what Mr. Grubba says, _goes_. _Period_. You are to do what he says, without question. Second of all, as per the terms of your contract, you cannot terminate your association with the Glitz Pit unless or until Mr. Grubba sees fit to release you. And of course, there are many other small guidelines that I will explain as they become relevant. Ah, and here we are."

They had arrived outside the minor-league locker room. The security guard moved out of the way so that Jolene could open the door and allow the new fighters inside.

This room, much unlike the remainder of the Glitz Pit, was a disheveled mess. The walls were dingy, the wallpaper was tearing, the bench cushions had some springs loose, the floor was filthy and coming apart, and at least one of the lockers was badly damaged, bent out of shape with footprints on one side. The smell of age was rampant in the air in this room. The state of the room did not go unnoticed by the new fighters, specifically Edd.

"Egads… messy, messy, messy," he said under his breath.

"Yes, yes," said Jolene crossly, having overheard him. "I know it's not the most… attractive room in the Glitz Pit. Think of it this way, Mr. Eduardo – the state of disrepair in this room should be all the more motivation and incentive for you to work your way up the ranks. Since you've just now started your career, you'll begin in the minor leagues, so for that duration, this will be your locker room. Deal with it."

Jolene then crossed to the monitor on the other side of the door.

"Next up, your rankings," she continued. "Now, Team Gonzales, I'm terribly sorry, but technically, Team Eduardo signed their contract first, so they will begin one rank higher. That is to say, the Extreme Eduardos will begin at rank 20, and the Great Gonzales at rank 21. So, which team would like to fight first?"

"We will go for it, Miss Jolene," replied Edd.

"Excellent, Mr. Eduardo. When you're ready to fight, just log on using this computer terminal," she explained, slightly more calmly. "Mr. Grubba will then decide who you'll match up against. Of course, you have no say in this; remember rule number one. Here, why don't you try it once? Just press this button to log on."

She then pointed to a small button on the rightmost side of the terminal.

"So, like this, then?" inquired Edd as he pressed the button. The terminal screen powered on, projecting an image of Grubba.

"Well, boy-howdy, Eduardo! I take it Jolene's got y'all squared away?" explained Grubba jovially.

"That's correct, Mr. Grubba," Edd replied.

"Well, all righty then, lemme just reserve this match," said Grubba on the screen. "I got a treat fer ya – yer first battle's gon' be against the Goomba Bros! Don'tchu worry 'bout them – they'll be a piece o' cake! Just mop 'em up, 'K, son? Now, we wanna keep everyone fired up, so appeal to the crowd at least once!"

"Will do!" exclaimed Nazz excitedly.

"All righty now, if'n y'all got any questions 'bout detailed rules, all y'all's gotta do is ask the lovely Miss Jolene, a'ight?" said Grubba. "Well, good luck in the ring there, pard!" With that, Grubba disappeared from the monitor, and Edd logged off.

"Okay, your match has been reserved," said Jolene. "Now you just wait until security comes to bring you to the ring. This next batch of information is merely for formality purposes – the first fighter or team to defeat their opponent wins. It's rather basic. Of course you know that defeating higher-ranked opponents will raise your own rank, but losing to a lower-ranked opponent will lower your own rank, while losing to a higher-ranked opponent will leave your current rank as is. It's not enough to merely _win_ a match, as well – Mr. Grubba sets certain conditions for each match that are to be followed _to the letter_. In this case, the condition is to appeal to the crowd at least once. Easy as pie. If you win a match having successfully satisfied the conditions set forth, you will face a higher-ranked opponent. If you reach rank number 11, you'll get a shot at the major leagues. That's about all you need to know for now."

"We understand perfectly, Miss Jolene," replied Edd.

"Excellent," said Jolene. "For now, Eduardos, just wait for security to come and collect you."

Edd, Mario, and their respective teammates looked around the disheveled locker room once more. Perhaps if they could make their way up the ranks, they could surely receive better accommodations, as well as get closer to obtaining the Gold Crystal Star. Edd had spotted other fighters in here too, some they had never seen. Among them were a green Cleft known as Cleftor, a Bob-omb similar to the one in Rogueport who tethered Edd's sailboat to the harbor, and a Koopa Troopa wearing sunglasses, a spiked collar, and a yellow shell. Suddenly, the door opened, and the security guard from outside – Abrams – entered the room.

"Eduardos! Match time. Come on, you lot," Abrams said.

"Ok, for the minor league, Abrams will be the one to escort you to the ring," said Jolene. "Try not to get completely destroyed out there."

Edd, Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy each gave Jolene a nod as they followed Abrams out of the room, headed for the fighting ring.

"Well, now, if you'll excuse me… I must be going, as well," said Jolene, as she, too, left the room seconds later.

"Come on, Mario!" proclaimed Goombella. "Let's grab some seats!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Hey hey hey, shut up already!" Eddy shouted at his stand as he and several others watched on the television in anticipation for the next match. "QUIET! The next match is about to start!" He pointed at his television, and the customers in line immediately stopped clamoring to watch the next match with Eddy.

"Geez, don't they ever stop talking?" Eddy griped as he took a swig of soda.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Are y'all ready for some no-holds-barred Glitz Pit ACTION?!" Grubba shouted into his mic.

The crowd cheered raucously.

"I can't hear y'all!" Grubba shouted again. "ARE Y'ALL _READY_?!"

The crowd cheered once again, this time much more loudly.

"Now, THAT'S more like it!" Grubba proclaimed. "Squarin' off next, folks, we got the Hoppin' Hardheads… The GOOMBA BROS!"

The Goomba Bros consisted of a group of five Goombas, all fired up for the competition – Goombrian, Goombilly, Goombobby, Goompaulo, and Goompeter.

"The Goomba Bros have been waitin' n' getting' all het up for the fight! Let's check in," proclaimed Grubba. "How do, Goomba Bros! So, y'all nervous about goin' up against some up 'n comers?" the promoter asked the Goomba Bros.

"Nervous? Us? HA!" laughed the lead Goomba Bro, Goombrian. "We're always ready to bonk a fool or two! Maybe you should call an ambulance for him now, just to save time and trouble later!"

"Hoo-WHEE! The Goomba Bros are all fired up!" proclaimed Grubba into the mic. "And now, let's introduce the newcomers, a team o' four with a hankerin' fer greatness, led by… THE EXTREME EDUARDO!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Extreme Eduardo?" asked one of Eddy's customers, a Lakitu. "Who's that?"

The question was answered immediately, as the Extreme Eduardos entered the grand stadium. As he was watching, Eddy spat out his soda in disbelief as he saw Edd, Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy all making their way to the ring.

"WHAT THE-?" he stuttered. "S-SOCKHEAD?! And Nazz? Rolf? JIMMY?!"

"You know them?" inquired the Lakitu incredulously.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Yes, sirree, Bob, these 'r the Extreme Eduardos here, led by the Extreme Eduardo Bentley!" Grubba continued. "And his team consists of Naughty Nazz Van Bartonschmeer, Rumblin' Rolf Von Oosterhaus, and Jumpin' Jimmy O'Hara! Man, them's some weird-soundin' names."

Team Eduardo climbed into the ring, one after the other, and faced down the Goomba Bros.

"You newbies got a bone to pick?" shouted Goombrian to Edd.

"Well, now then, Eduardo, lemme explain the rules o' the match real quick-" began Grubba.

"HERE, HAVE A BONK, PUNK!"

Goombrian knocked Grubba out of the way and jumped headfirst on Edd, knocking him to the floor.

"Hey, you can't do that! The bell didn't even ring yet! You cheated!" Jimmy shouted.

"Aww, what's the matter, is da wittle baby cwyin'?" Goombrian taunted.

Jimmy became very angry as he balled his hands into fists and growled, while Edd climbed back up to his feet. As they did this, the bell finally rang.

"Ready, Jimmy?" he asked, pointing at the Goombas.

"Ready!" the pale boy responded. "Let's take these cheaters down!"

Exchanging a nod, Edd and Jimmy ran in tandem toward the Goomba Bros. Edd whipped out his rod and Jimmy whipped out his X-Naut staff as they charged; they swung their respective weapons at Goombrian and Goombilly, striking them head-on and knocking them to the floor, as the other three Goombas grunted.

"Rolf, go!" Edd called.

With a nod, the son of a shepherd made his move next. He whipped out his Puni-engraved bag and charged at Goombobby, who was gearing up for a headbonk. With a shout, Rolf leapt into the air and swung his bag as hard as he could, catching Goombobby in mid-air and striking him with both the bag and his feet. The Goomba instantly fell to the ground, dazed.

Goompaulo dashed toward Edd, attempting to strike the sock-headed youth as revenge for his fallen brothers, but Edd dodged rather quickly and retaliated with a swing of his rod, knocking Goompaulo down. While he was down, the Goomba was not out. He climbed back to his feet and this time charged Nazz, but she ignored him and charged at Goompeter. She delivered a solid hard punch to Goompeter's face, slamming him down on the opposite side of the ring. As she did, she remembered the conditions that Grubba set for the match – they had to appeal to the crowd at least once, though she had already planned to do so with a series of slick moves. From where she was standing, she performed a series of back flips, concluding with a lofty back tuck and landing squarely on Goompaulo's head, knocking him out; following this, she performed one more standing back tuck, wowing the raucous crowd, and landed squarely on her feet. Jimmy followed suit and performed a series of back flips himself to show off for the crowd.

"WHO'S AWESOME?!" Nazz shouted to the crowd, who responded with raucous cheers and applause.

"YEAH! LET'S HEAR IT! EXTREME EDUARDO SPIRIT!" Jimmy shouted, having landed squarely on his feet from performing his back flips.

"YEEAAAH!" Nazz shouted, her arms in the air. Edd and Rolf raised their weapons high, bright smiles on their faces.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"All right, Team Sockhead!" Eddy proclaimed, as he and his customers watched Team Eduardo's victory on the television at his souvenir stand. "I knew y'all had it in ya! Even you too, Curly-cue!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Our winners, the Extreme Eduardos!" Grubba proclaimed into the mic as the crowd continued their cheers and applause. "So tell me, buckaroos – what was this first taste of victory like?"

"Well, compared to other fights prior to us joining the Glitz Pit, I must say that this was rather easy," said Edd into the mic, brimming with confidence – this battle didn't last more than a minute, at the most.

"I'll tell y'all what I just saw, folks – a straight-up whuppin'!" Grubba proclaimed. "These kids got skills! We got ourselves some new heroes! Let's hear it for the Extreme Eduardos, folks – Naughty Nazz, Jumpin' Jimmy, Rumblin' Rolf, and Extreme Eduardo!"

The crowd cheered once again as Team Eduardo maintained their victory stances, and Edd felt confident that they would have the Gold Crystal Star in no time.

 **End of Part Two**


	19. 3-3: The Minor Leagues

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 3: The Minor Leagues**

"Well, Team Eduardo! Excellent job on your first win here at the Glitz Pit!" Grubba congratulated Team Eduardo once they returned to the minor-league locker room. "Also excellent job gettin' the crowd fired up! It's important to remember that fighters gotta play to the crowd! Keep 'em pumped up, and dish out some more o' that razzle-dazzle! We understand each other?"

"Explicitly, Mr. Grubba," replied Edd.

"Good," said Grubba. "I'll be on my way, then. Miss Jolene here'll give y'all yer fight money. Well, I'll be seein' y'all!" With these sentiments, Grubba left the room as Jolene approached Team Eduardo.

"Right, well, then, here's your fight money," said Jolene. "Three coins apiece." Jolene approached each team member, handing them three coins apiece.

"Thanks, Miss Jolene," said Nazz.

"And with this victory, your rank has risen to 19. The next match will not be set up until you reserve the match on the terminal, but you can also use the terminal to check your current ranking. Until you reserve your next fight, feel free to do whatever you like. Now, if you'll excuse me… I must be going," said Jolene, adjusting her glasses before leaving the room.

"That was nice," said Nazz.

"Rolf must confess, that was – how you say – sweet!" said Rolf.

"Yo, dawgs!" said a voice nearby.

The yellow-shelled sunglasses-wearing Koopa Troopa approached Edd and his team, extending his hand.

"The name's KP Pete, but you can call me King K," said King K as he shook Edd's hand. "Just a bush-league scrub, like you guys."

 _ **KP Pete**_ _, aka_ _ **King K**_ _, is a KP Koopa who recently joined the Glitz Pit. He is the leader of the KP Koopas, aka the "Shell Machines of Doom;" and he fancies himself a ladies' man. He wears sunglasses and a spiked collar around his neck, and he sports a yellow shell. He's quite the smooth-talker, as well._

"Well, it's nice to meet you, erm… King K," said Edd.

"Likewise, E-man," said King K. "You seem like a stand-up dude, pretty chill to hang with."

"Well, thanks. My name's actually Eddward, but apparently around here, I'm known as Eduardo," said Edd.

"Newbies," scoffed the nearby green Cleft, who sported a large cleft chin and no arms.

"Can it, Cleftor!" King K snapped, rounding on the green Cleft. "Yeah, so what if they're new? Just give 'em a break – you were new here, too!" King K turned to Edd and continued: "I saw y'all's moves out there, E-man. Y'all rock on heavy! So, hey, how 'bout I introduce ya's to the rest of the gang here?"

King K led Edd toward the Bob-omb fighter in the room. "This is Master Crash," he told him.

 _ **Master Crash**_ _is a Bob-omb fighter in the Glitz Pit, part of the Bob-omb Squad. He usually gives good advice, and is considered a nerd, like Edd. However, he has a strange manner of speaking, randomly inserting "BOMB" into every sentence he speaks._

"Eduardo, is it? Nice to BOMB meet you!" said Master Crash. Edd raised an eyebrow at this fighter's rather loud use of the word BOMB.

"Eh-heh, yeah, he does that a lot, shouts 'BOMB' in, like, every sentence," King K chuckled. "He's, like, a total nerd, but he's cool to all the newbies and would, like, be a good mentor. We all dig him."

"Me? A nerd BOMB?" Master Crash snapped. "What do you BOMB mean by that?"

"What? You were listening?" King K fired back. "Not cool, man. Not. Cool."

"Moving on?" asked Edd impatiently.

"Oh, yeah," said King K, directing Edd's gaze to the green Cleft. "This green boulder man is named Cleftor."

 _ **Cleftor**_ _is a large green Hyper Bald Cleft fighter in the Glitz Pit, part of the Punk Rocks. He dislikes new fighters, so he treats them with little to no respect. He's softer than he lets on, though._

"Newbies annoying," groaned Cleftor. "Cleftor no like."

"Cleftor acts tough and jerkish, but deep down, he's a big softy," whispered King K.

"What King K say?" snapped Cleftor.

"Moving on," said King K. "And there's just one more person I'd like you to meet."

"Oh?" inquired Edd.

"Yo, Andy? C'mon over here," called King K, waving over a shy young guy wearing a long green hooded shirt, dark green shoes, and a mask to cover his face.

"So… what's up, KP?" asked the Bandit.

"Eduardo, this lean machine over here is my boy Bandy Andy," said King K. "Andy, this is Eduardo and his team."

"Oh… hey," said Bandy Andy. "…So, how's it hangin'? I'm not in here a lot, but be sure to say hey if you see me around, 'K?"

 _ **Bandy Andy**_ _is a shy Bandit fighter in the Glitz Pit, part of the Hand-It-Overs. He's relatively shy outside the ring, and doesn't hang out in the locker rooms much. He tends to ramble on about a lot of gossip topics, like the so-called "Seven Wonders of the Glitz Pit." He's fairly tight with King K and harbors a borderline obsession with Jolene, more so than King K._

"Will do," said Nazz.

"Oh, and the minor and major leagues have bunks that we all can sleep in to recover in between matches," Bandy Andy continued.

"Yeah, me and Andy, we're real tight," said King K. "We entered this gig at the same time, and now we're best buds. He's pretty secretive, though, which is a bummer, since we don't see as much of each other as we did way back when."

"And, to quote Jolene, 'now if you'll excuse me, I must be going,'" said Andy, in his best Jolene impression, before walking away.

"So wait… aren't there any other minor-leaguers?" Jimmy inquired.

"Well, yeah, little man, those guys are in the other minor-league locker room," said King K. "Like, there's no way that we'd all fit in one room, know what I mean?"

"I understand quite well," said Edd. "Let me introduce my team to you now. This is Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy."

"Hi, I'm Nazz," said Nazz to King K. "It's, like, cool to meet someone around these parts who's friendly and all."

"Nazz… heh-heh," said King K, dreamily, entranced, and with hearts in his eyes. In a number of ways, King K to Nazz was like, well… _Eddy_ to Nazz. He remained unresponsive until Edd found himself having to literally snap King K out of it.

"Whoa! Sorry, I'm back," yelped King K. "Anyone else?"

Rolf approached King K and struck a proud stance to show off his Puni emblem.

"I am Rolf, son of a shepherd and proud hero of the Punies!" he proclaimed.

"The… Punies?" asked King K incredulously.

"It's a long story," replied Edd. "And this is Jimmy."

"Um… hi, I'm Jimmy," said the pale boy. "And to be honest, I'm not really into this whole violence thing." As he said this, he reflected on the time he went completely crazy and beat up Edd after Eddy incessantly tossed hot dogs at him after school. Of course, he had originally intended to help Edd discard an unwanted reputation as the toughest bully of Peach Creek Junior High School.

"Aw, lighten up, Jimmy, it's all just pure sport in the name of fun and victory," said King K. "We always make sure not to outright murder each other."

"Well, it's very nice to meet all of you," said Edd. "All right, team, let's get back out there." Edd crossed to the terminal and pressed the button, bringing Grubba back on screen.

"Well, howdy, pardner!" Grubba spoke jovially. "Rarin' to get back out there, are ya? Fixin' fer a fight? Ambitious to rise to fame?"

"You bet we are!" said Nazz.

"Well, all righty then!" Grubba exclaimed. "Lemme see here… Your next opponent will be, ranked 18th in the Glitz Pit… the KP Koopas, led by King K!"

"Whoa, looks like you're goin' up against me 'n my boys next!" said King K, approaching Edd.

"Now, listen, Eduardo," said Grubba. "That last match o' y'all's felt a trife too short. So for this match, I want y'all to refrain from attackin' for no more or less than three full turns. King K!"

King K approached the monitor as Edd and his team exchanged quizzical glances – they'd have to do absolutely nothing for three turns?

"What's up, Grubba?" asked King K.

"You 'n yer boys'll be facin' off against Team Eduardo next," Grubba explained. "Your conditions fer the match'll be different from Eduardo's – in y'all's case, I want y'all to end the match in no more than five full turns! Got it?"

"Got it!" King K said enthusiastically.

"All well 'n good," said Grubba. "Good luck to both teams. Y'all's next match'll begin in ten minutes." Grubba and Edd then logged off of the terminal.

"So, Eduardo, what was your extra battle condition?" King K asked Edd.

"Oh… to refrain from attacking for three turns," Edd explained.

"Man, that's rotten luck," groaned King K. "My extra condition was to end the match in _five_! Which means you guys'll only have two turns to attack! So make 'em count!"

"What does he mean by 'turns?'" asked Nazz.

"Oh, well, a full turn is one cycle where everyone on both teams performs an action," King K explained.

"All right, then," said Edd. "Now it was mentioned that you also had a team? Where may they be currently?"

"Oh, they're all at the juice bar, scopin' around for chicks," King K replied. "I'm gonna run and get 'em before the match begins, okay? See y'all in the ring!" With that, King K left the locker room, just passing by Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie who had entered the locker room.

"Man, Double-D, you guys were awesome!" Goombella proclaimed.

"Those were some sick back flips, Nazz!" Koops exclaimed.

"Thanks, guys!" said Nazz. "As I've said, a babysitter's gotta know this stuff."

"So, Mario," said Flurrie. "Perhaps we should set un fight now?"

"Ah, yes!" Mario piped up. "I shall arrange it-a now." The hammer-wielding plumber crossed to the terminal and logged on to contact Grubba.

"Ah, Gonzales! I was wonderin' when I'd be hearin from ya!" said Grubba jovially. "Lemme just reserve this match fer ya. Your first match will be against, ranked 20th in the Glitz Pit, the Goomba Bros! For this fight, I want y'all to appeal to the crowd at least once! Keep 'em fired up! Show off for 'em! All right then, I've reserved your match. Y'all be ready in twenty minutes, now, y'hear?" With that, Grubba and Mario each logged off of the terminal.

"Wait, twenty minutes?" Goombella inquired. "Why twenty minutes."

"Ah, yes, my apologies, Goombella, but we've already reserved our next match," said Edd, checking his watch. "It should begin in… oh, about six minutes from now."

"Eh, fine with me," said Goombella.

"In the meantime, let's head back to Glitzville Square and grab some lunch," said Koops.

"We'll-a stop-a for lunch after the match," said Mario, matter-of-factly. "Whoever gets-a hurt first-a buys lunch-a for the team."

"Oh, you are on!" quipped Goombella competitively.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"All righty, everyone! Are y'all fired up?!" Grubba shouted into the mic as Team Eduardo and the KP Koopas, led by King K, crossed into the ring. The crowd went wild with cheers and applause. "Fer our next battle, we got the Reckless Juvies, the EXTREME EDUARDOS, and the Shell Machines o' Doom – yes, sirree, Bob, a fight to the finish with the KP Koopas!"

"Yeah! All right! Let's rock this casbah!" Nazz shouted eagerly.

"Meet my peeps, Eduardo!" shouted King K, introducing his teammates, KP Paul and KP Phil, the latter of whom possessed a pair of wings to fly, making him a Parakoopa. "Don't expect any mercy just 'cuz we're tight! I told ya we were gonna square off, and now it's on!"

Grubba raised the mic to his lips and shouted: "Get yerselves ready to… BATTLE!"

"Okay, team, remember our conditions! Refrain from attacking for three full turns!" shouted Edd, turning to face his teammates. "So either raise your defenses or power up somehow!" Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy each nodded in tandem with Edd as they turned to face the KP Koopas.

King K ducked inside his shell and launched himself at Edd quickly, in a fashion similar to Koops. Edd waited until King K drew close enough, then he raised his rod, holding it at both sides to defend himself. This proved successful, as King K bounced right off the rod and back toward KP Paul.

"KP Paul! GO!" King K commanded.

KP Paul followed King K's lead and launched himself at Edd as well, but he did so much more quickly. The resulting impact was enough to knock the wind out of Edd, ending his role in their current turn, and KP Paul continued his trajectory toward Nazz, who blocked the attack with her fists, ending her role in the current turn as well. Jimmy struck a defensive stance, holding his staff in front of him as KP Phil flew toward him at high speed. The Parakoopa collided with the boy's staff, sending him off balance for a few brief seconds as Rolf struck a defensive stance himself.

"That's one turn," Edd noted.

"All right, KP's, that's one turn!" King K barked to his teammates. "We got four more turns to end this! GO!"

"Everyone! Defend!" barked Edd. He, Jimmy, and Nazz all struck defensive stances to end their turns. King K again flung himself at Edd, doing minimal damage. KP Paul hurled himself at Nazz, but was knocked back. KP Phil managed to get Rolf hard in the stomach during flight.

"Rolf shall use this turn to restore his health," he coughed, pulling out a spare Mushroom and consuming it to recover his health.

"That's two turns! One more and then we can finally fight back!" said Edd. "Everyone, defend!"

Team Eduardo all struck defensive stances. King K shifted targets and launched himself at Jimmy, who deflected the attack with his staff; KP Paul launched himself at Rolf, doing minimal damage; and KP Phil flew at Edd only to be deflected with the rod.

"That's three turns!" Edd called. "All right, comrades, let's give it everything we've got!"

"Gotcha, Double-D!" Nazz called back. The spunky blonde performed a series of back flips and jumped toward King K, knocking him down on his shell.

"Rolf!" Edd called. The son of a shepherd charged forth, whipping out his Puni-emblazoned bag and striking King K, hard. The Koopa fell to the ground and didn't get up, however he was still breathing – he was just too dazed to stand.

"That does it for King K! Now for his winged teammate!" Edd called as KP Phil began readying himself.

"I got this one, guys!" Jimmy shouted. The pale boy sprung into the air and swung his staff at KP Phil with all his might. The impact was enough to knock the Parakoopa's wings clear off of his shell, reverting him to a normal Koopa Troopa.

 _And now my turn_ , Edd thought to himself. He leaped into the air and bounced off of KP Paul, knocking him to the floor.

KP Paul wasn't out yet, however. He performed a shell toss, launching himself across the ring. Edd stood ready to absorb the impact of the strike, when suddenly, Nazz jumped in between the two to take the hit herself. Edd was about to object to this gesture, but Nazz dodged KP Paul's next attack by jumping on him, landing on him with a spin and knocking him to the floor. She then sprung off of KP Paul and performed some slick follow-up moves to wow the audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this was a rare moment indeed!" Grubba shouted into the mic. "What y'all have just witnessed was a perfect super-guard!"

"Now, let's take them down!" Edd shouted, determined. Taking the cue, Nazz darted over to KP Paul and finished him off by back flipping onto his shell and kicking it out of the ring. This only left KP Phil, and both teams were down to their fifth and final turn, as per Grubba's conditions.

"Who wants to perform the final blow?" asked Edd, facing his teammates.

"I will!" shouted Jimmy. He immediately thrust his staff, logo-first, down on KP Phil, knocking him out.

"Checkmate," proclaimed Edd.

"We got ourselves some winners here! THE EXTREME EDUARDOS!" shouted Grubba. The crowd went wild with cheers and applause as Nazz, Jimmy, and Rolf each struck victory poses. Edd, however, was concerned with the welfare of King K and his teammates.

"Oh, dear, I do hope that they're not too injured," he quavered. Approaching King K, he extended a hand and asked, "King K? Are you still well?"

"Yeah, man, we're fine," said King K. "Wow, you sure didn't hold back. Neither did we. That was a great match, Eduardo." King K took Edd's hand, and the sock-headed boy pulled the KP Koopa leader to his feet. KP Paul was also stirring and climbing to his feet as KP Phil climbed back into the ring.

"Yo, that was a great match, E-dawg," said KP Paul. "We should do it again sometime, just for the heck of it." KP Paul and KP Phil approached Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy to extend congratulations to them as well.

"So, King K, would you and your teammates like to join us for lunch?" asked Edd. "I feel we could all do with a temporary pause from fighting."

"Yeah, guys? What do you say?" Nazz asked everyone else.

"Hey, we'd like that! Thanks, guys!" King K replied. KP Paul and KP Phil gave approving nods in acceptance of Team Eduardo's invitation.

XXX000XXX000XXX

As the day went on, Teams Eduardo and Gonzales continued to work their way up the ranks, fighting without any losses and following the conditions Grubba set forth for each match perfectly. By sundown, Team Eduardo had achieved rank 15, with Team Gonzales not far behind at rank 17. Both teams returned to Eddy's souvenir stand to continue catching up. As it was late, he had closed down for the evening.

"All right, Team Sockhead!" Eddy shouted. "Your first day in the Glitz Pit and already you're up to rank 15! Double-D, why didn't you tell me you guys were fighters?! This is totally cool!"

"Well, as it turns out, the Crystal Star we've been looking for is on the champion's belt," Edd replied. "If we want to obtain this important jewel, we must fight our way to the top and win the championship."

"Well, I'll be rootin' for ya's all the way!" Eddy said proudly. "Oh yeah, check this out!"

Eddy opened the cash register to reveal large piles of coins. "I'm rich!" he laughed. "I made a fortune sellin' them Glitzville souvenirs!"

"My word!" Edd marveled. "Seems you've been quite successful, Eddy."

"Yeah," Eddy sighed, staring at the coins as if he were in love. The Peach Creek kids – and, to a lesser extent, Koops – had come to expect this sort of thing from Eddy, as his biggest love was money. "Well, I'm off to the store!"

Eddy promptly grabbed as many coins as he could in both hands and jumped across the counter, making his way to the general store.

"What for?" asked Jimmy.

"Jawbreakers, what else, Curly?" Eddy called after them as he approached the store.

"Eddy! I'm not positive that jawbreakers even exist in this world!" Edd called after him.

"We'll see about that, Sockhead!" Eddy responded as he entered the store.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Back inside the Glitz Pit building, Jolene had escorted both teams to the back of the minor-league locker rooms, showing them two doors that depicted an image of beds. One was blue, and the other was magenta.

"These are the minor-league bunks," she explained. "The men's bunks are on the left, and the ladies' bunks are on the right. These are where contracted minor-league fighters sleep. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be going. Have a good night, everybody." Jolene adjusted her glasses before leaving the room.

"Well, good night, guys. See ya in the morning," said Nazz, yawning.

"Sweet dreams, ladies," Koops replied.

Nazz, Goombella, and Flurrie entered the ladies' bunk, while Edd, Mario, Rolf, Koops, and Jimmy entered the men's bunk. There were a wide array of bunk beds in the room, each marked with the names of each individual fighter. Jimmy's bunk bed was directly above Edd's; fortunately, the ceiling was high enough that none of the top-bunk fighters would risk banging their heads on the ceiling.

"Good night, everybody," said Mario and Edd simultaneously.

"Good night, Gonzales. Good night, Eduardo," replied the other fighters from their bunks.

Each fighter climbed into their respective beds, marked with their names. Edd pulled off the blanket from his bed and replaced it with his own blanket, preferring it better than the ratty sheet that came with the bed. As he wondered about the events to come, he allowed himself to slip into a deep sleep…

 **End of Part Three**


	20. 3-4: Flames of Change

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 4: Flames of Change**

"SIX IN THE MORNIN'! WAKEY-WAKEY, SLEEPYHEADS, THE PARK'S OPENIN'!" shouted Grubba loudly inside the minor-league bunk. Edd woke up with such a fast start that he banged his head on Jimmy's bunk bed directly above him. The rest of the fighters were groaning as they climbed out of bed, rubbing their eyes groggily. At the same time, Edd could swear he had heard something that sounded like a trumpet playing _Reveille_.

"Gracious, man! Some prior warning would have sufficed, thank you," Edd griped.

"Oh, come on, Grubba, I haven't even reserved a match yet," groaned King K.

"Now, now, li'l possums, y'all know the drill," Grubba went on. "Everyone gear up fer battle now. I expect someone in here to reserve a match in ten minutes. Look alive, y'all!"

Grubba walked out of the room, closing the door behind him, oblivious to KP Phil tossing a pillow at the closed door in agitation.

"Man, this is the _Glitz Pit_ , not stinkin' boot camp!" he groaned.

"Pardon me, fellows, but can anyone please direct me to the lavatory?" Edd asked.

"Oh, sure, E-man," said King K, pointing toward the door adjacent to the one leading back to the locker room. "It's this door, right here, the men's room."

"Thank you, King K," said Edd, who was still half-asleep. With a groan, he rubbed the sore spot on his head and walked into the bathroom.

"So, who's gonna be the first to reserve a match today?" inquired Bandy Andy, looking around the bunk.

"Y'know what, I feel up for a fight," said Koops. Turning to Rolf and Jimmy, he asked, "You guys wanna watch Team Gonzales fight?"

"You betcha!" Jimmy proclaimed. "We missed all of the Team Gonzales fights yesterday, so it'll be a nice change of pace."

"Yes, Rolf shall ensure his observation of the battle," said Rolf with a smile.

"All right," said Koops, turning to Mario. "Mario, you feel up for it?"

"Absolutely!" said Mario jovially. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he called, "Okey-dokey, who here is-a ranked at-a number 16?"

"That'd be us!" proclaimed a nearby Dull Bones, indicating his teammates, both Dull Bones like himself. "The name's Bone-Dry, and these are my teammates, Ribcage and Skellomark, but to you, we're the Dead Bones! You must be the Great Gonzales!"

"That's-a correct!" said Mario. "Prepare-a yourself, because we're-a going to battle first!"

"Haha! Can't wait!" Bone-Dry bragged. "Let's reserve the match now!"

Mario and Team Gonzales made their way to the monitor to reserve the match; they were followed closely by the Dead Bones team. Mario pressed the button to call Grubba.

"Well, howdy there, Gonzales! Fixin' fer a fight, are yeh?" the tubby promoter asked.

"That's-a correct!" Mario proclaimed.

"Well, all righty then!" Grubba proclaimed. "Lemme just see here… Your next opponent will be, ranked 16th in the Glitz Pit – the Dead Bones! Now listen here, son – I want y'all to fight without usin' any o' those there items y'all got! KO means knockout, and we don't need any extra assistance from items to have a fair fight! Now get in there 'n show me sumthin'!"

With the match reserved, both Mario and Grubba logged off of the monitor as Edd and Team Eduardo returned to the locker room.

"The match is set, guys!" Goombella proclaimed to Team Eduardo, having spotted them. "It's Team Gonzales against the Dead Bones! Be sure to get good seats!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"HOOOOW-DAY, GLITZVILLE!" Grubba shouted into the mic. "Are y'all fired up today?"

The audience cheered very loudly and excitedly in response as Team Gonzales and the Dead Bones made their way to the ring.

"Well, do I got a treat for y'all!" he continued. "Fer our next match, we got the Merciless Executioners o' Team GREAT GONZALES, and the Bone-Bangin' Rockers, the DEAD BONES!"

"GO, GONZALES!" shouted Rolf from the front-most row of seats, which Team Eduardo had managed to get for being the first ones there.

"We're gonna take the skin off YOUR bones!" Bone-Dry taunted. Ribcage and Skellomark laughed raucously.

"Bring it on, Brain-Dead!" Goombella taunted.

"All righty then!" Grubba proclaimed. "Git ready to BATTLE!"

"Remember-a, team, no items-a whatsoever!" said Mario.

"Right!" said Koops. With this, Mario dashed up to Bone-Dry and performed a double-jump on the head of the lead Dull Bones. The enemy collapsed to the floor.

"Bone-Dry is-a down!" proclaimed Mario.

"But I ain't out, Gonzales!" bragged Bone-Dry. He turned his skeletal head toward Koops. "Hey, you in the shell! Eat bone!"

Bone-Dry tossed a bone right at Koops, knocking him in the head and causing him to fall backward, shell first.

"KOOPS!"

Goombella immediately ran to Koops's side. The sight wasn't what she was hoping – Koops was out cold, his tongue sticking out. He was breathing, at least, so that was a good sign, but that was quite a throw.

"Bammo! How ya like that?" Bone-Dry taunted. "Ribcage! Skellomark! It's all you guys now!"

"Vous shall pay for zat!" Flurrie shouted angrily. "Mario! Let us finish zis now!"

"Wait! Do not-a blow them out of-a the ring," Mario warned. "We must-a conserve Flower Power."

"Very well," said Flurrie. "Let Madame try zis instead."

Flurrie leaped into the air intending to body-slam Ribcage and Skellomark, but they had anticipated this attack. With the voluptuous wind spirit in midair, Ribcage tossed a flurry of bones at her, sending her flying clear out of the arena. Everyone in the audience gasped in shock. Even Team Eduardo was not expecting the battle to go the way it was going.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Nazz, as she and Jimmy stood up in their seats to see where Flurrie had landed – she lay injured at the foot of the bleachers on the opposite side of the arena.

"Oh, dear," Edd mumbled worriedly, while Rolf said nothing.

As Mario was distracted with the predicaments of Koops and Flurrie, Skellomark used this to his advantage and attacked Mario by swinging a bone, first at his knees, then his head. Mario was brought down, and now even he wasn't getting up. This left Goombella as the last one of Team Gonzales still standing.

"Uh-oh," was all she could utter once she realized this.

"Jeepers!" Jimmy yelled.

"So, Goomba brat, you ready to cave in yet?" Skellomark taunted.

"Not even in your dreams, Wishbone!" Goombella fired back, determined despite the two-on-one disadvantage.

"Well, how 'bout that, folks?" Grubba shouted into the mic. "Such determination from the fiery li'l Goomba in the hard hat!"

With this, Goombella dashed over to Ribcage and performed a double head-bonk, knocking him to the floor.

"Yes! That's the way, hard-hat mushroom girl!" shouted Rolf.

"A smooth move indeed," noted Edd. "But do not forget – Goombella's still outnumbered, two to one."

As his last act before collapsing, Ribcage tossed a bone at Goombella, hitting her directly, but strangely not as severely as her downed teammates. Skellomark followed up with another bone toss, but this time Goombella looked down, allowing her miner's helmet to take the impact of the blow. She heard the sound of glass breaking, and became enraged when she realized that this previous attack shattered the light bulb in the helmet.

"Hey! That light was expensive!" she yelled. "THAT TEARS IT!"

The furious Goomba scholar charged at Skellomark, performing multiple head-bonk attacks and sending Skellomark collapsing, doing enough damage to keep him from throwing any more bones. But she didn't stop there; she bounced off of Skellomark and continued her assault on Ribcage and Bone-Dry.

"THAT'S THE WAY, GIRLFRIEND!" Jimmy shouted, leaping out of his seat. "GIVE 'EM THE OLD ONE-TWO BUCKLE MY SHOE! PUT THE SMACKDOWN ON THOSE SONS OF A-"

Jimmy suddenly stopped once it registered in his mind that everyone was staring at him, including Goombella and the Dead Bones. Even Mario, Koops, and Flurrie - who had begun to recover - barely looked up to hear where the shouting was coming from. _The mouth on that kid_ , Koops thought to himself, smiling strangely.

"Um… heh-heh," Jimmy chuckled quietly as he sat back down, his face turning red, him trying to laugh off making a fool of himself. "Uh… go?"

Goombella looked at Jimmy quizzically, her eyebrow raised, before quickly rounding back on the Dead Bones and delivering one last multi-bonk to each one, rendering them too dizzy and disoriented to re-form and climb back up.

"Bam-boozle!" Goombella proclaimed. "That's how it's done, skele-chumps!"

"Wheeeeee, doggies! What a show!" Grubba shouted into the mic. "An amazin' comeback to boot, for the battle of the ages! How 'bout a big round of applause for Gumption Goombella and Team Gonzales!"

Team Eduardo and the crowd went wild, cheering, applauding, and even chanting Goombella's name over and over again. At the center of attention, Goombella began milking the adulation, striking various poses for the cameras and lights. By now, the remainder of Team Gonzales had recovered, and hoisted their Goomba savior up high in the air.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Congratulations on your comeback victory, Team Gonzales," Jolene said, looking at Goombella. "Miss Goombella, I must hand it to you for pulling it off. I shall see what I can do about the light on your helmet. In any case, here's your fight money."

Jolene handed her and the other Team Gonzales members five coins each.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be going," said Jolene, adjusting her glasses and leaving the room. Once she had left, Edd and his teammates approached Team Gonzales.

"I must say, that was quite the comeback, Goombella!" Edd remarked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about my outburst earlier," Jimmy apologized. "I just saw how well you were doing, and I got super-excited, and…"

"It's cool, Jimmy. Just try and control yourself next time," Goombella replied.

"Whoo, man, I heard you _knocked_ some blocks off!" said King K, approaching Goombella. "Slick comeback, there, Lady Double-G!"

"Haha, thank you, thank you," said Goombella, slightly cocky as if having finished a performance on stage.

"Well, hey, keep bustin' heads!" said King K.

"We will!" said Koops.

"That goes for you and your crew, too, E-man," King K continued, facing Edd. "And if anyone gives y'all any lip, y'all just tell 'em King K said to back it up! Biz-OWWWW!"

"We'll remember that, dude," said Nazz.

"OW! THAT HURTS!" came a shout from outside, startling them.

Everyone in the locker room gazed toward the direction of the loud, pained shouting. They could hear voices talking loudly, and from what Edd was hearing, a fighter was seriously injured and being rushed to the hospital.

"Keep quiet, now."

"GAH! MY FOOT! IT'S BROKEN!"

"Oh, you'll be fine, just shut up."

"Apply pressure right there."

"YEOWWWWCH!"

"Do we have a gag, maybe?"

"Oh, come on; get a grip, will ya?"

"MOMMY!"

"Outta the way up there!"

"Oh, dear, some poor soul is gravely injured," Edd said, worried.

"Well, hey, E-man, this is a brutal sport, sometimes, y'know? This stuff happens," said King K.

"Well, I do hope that poor soul recovers," said Edd.

"Double-D, I'm scared," said Jimmy, quivering. "I don't wanna die."

"HEY! WATCH THE MASK!" came the sound of another voice, as the locker room door opened. A rather upset and livid Jolene returned to the locker room, dragging Bandy Andy behind her by the strap of his mask.

"How many times must I tell you?" Jolene snapped at him. "That room is _absolutely_ _off_ - _limits_! Strictly _verboten_! If you want to remain on our fight roster, you need to follow the rules and regulations!"

"Sorry, Miss Jolene," Andy groaned.

"Oh, and don't think I haven't noticed you stalking me," Jolene continued. "You need to stop doing that, too. It's creepy and immoral, and it can land you in jail. If you continue to violate the rules, we will ban you from the Glitz Pit. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, Miss Jolene," Andy replied, only slightly ashamed.

"You've been warned. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must be going," said Jolene, adjusting her glasses before leaving the locker room.

"Really, Bandy Andy?" Edd scolded. "Violating the sanctity of private places strictly forbidden to all but the staff? That is simply unconscionable at best."

"It ain't the first time, either, E-man," added King K.

"Oh… hey, King K," said Andy, rubbing the back of his head.

"Dude, again?!" King K reprimanded Andy. "You're just a trouble magnet, aren't ya?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring Queen Nag in here," replied Andy.

"Meh, don't sweat it, B-money," King K reassured him. "That Jolene can take that smug 'tude of hers and shove it up her nose. Seriously, though, man, why are ya always chasin' her?"

"Ooh, it seems Bandy Andy's got a crush on her," Koops chuckled.

"Oooh! Miss Jolene and Bandy Andy, sittin' in a tree," Jimmy began chanting.

"Gentlemen, please, she's only trying to ensure that we don't do anything reprehensible," Edd interjected. "Although Andy's strange pursuit of Miss Jolene does raise some stimulating questions."

"Hey, what's goin' on between me 'n Jo is none of y'all's business," Andy clarified. "But I will tell you this; when I first signed up as a fighter here, I had heard that there were some people who went missing from here a few years back."

Edd and his friends were intrigued at this. So it seemed the Glitz Pit was surrounded in quite a shroud of a missing-persons mystery.

"So I decided to humor myself and check it out for myself," Andy continued. "But after a few trips of snoopin' around the place, I am beginning to suspect that there's something weird and off about the Glitz Pit."

"Weird?" Nazz inquired.

"And off," Andy added. "I want to investigate this mystery further. And with that, I gotta exit stage right."

Having finished his explanation and not wanting to be pressed for further details about his alleged pursuit of Jolene, Bandy Andy walked through the adjacent door and entered the bathroom to do his business.

"Does the masked cloak speak the truth, yellow-turtle-shelled one?" inquired Rolf.

"I concur with Rolf. Have fighters truly disappeared without a trace from this arena?" Edd asked King K.

"Meh, don't worry about Andy," King K laughed. "He's always blowing things out of proportion."

"Hey, guys, we got a little while before the deadline to reserve our next match," said Nazz. "Anybody up for a little fresh air?"

"Of course, Nazz," said Edd. "A breath of fresh air would be a welcome change of pace from this rather stuffy locker room. Rolf? Jimmy? What about you gentlemen?"

"Yeah, I could do with some fresh air," said Jimmy. "It stinks in here."

"Rolf apologizes," said Rolf, embarrassed. Everyone looked at him strangely.

"Mr. Mario? Goombella? Koops? Madame Flurrie? How about you guys?" asked Jimmy.

"Yeah, some fresh air should be good for us, little buddy," said Koops.

"Well then, fellows, we shall return momentarily," said Edd to the other combatants in the locker room.

"Sounds BOMB good, just remember to BOMB be back soon to BOMB reserve your next match BOMB," Master Crash responded.

"Hey, while you're there, check out Hoggle's place!" King K added. "I heard he's puttin' something new on the menu – a new type of hot dog?"

"Really? I like hot dogs," said Nazz.

"Yeah, it seems that this is a new type of hot dog, made with an egg that's only found in a tropical island paradise south of the mainland Mushroom Kingdom," said King K. "Heck, some fool out there was sayin' that this particular hot dog would help ya win fights!"

"Say what?" inquired Goombella. "A hot dog helping people win fights?"

"Yeah, he says it's supposed to be some sort of lucky hot dog or something," King K explained. "You oughta snack on one, know what I'm sayin'?"

"Well, I'm starving," remarked Goombella. "Let's get us something to eat before the next match."

Everyone agreed, and within seconds, Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie had left the locker room en route to Glitzville's main plaza, dodging the mob of fans, reporters, and camera staff itching to get pictures with Rawk Hawk and interview him for their media press outlets.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, we've-a got some-a coins saved up," Mario remarked. "What-a shall we buy?"

"I got me a hankerin' for some hot dogs," said Goombella. "Maybe after breakfast, we could all go and catch a flick or something?"

"Well, you guys can catch a flick if you want," Nazz replied, directing this to each member of Team Gonzales before turning to face Edd, Rolf, and Jimmy. "But we've gotta reserve our next match, right, guys?"

"That's correct, Nazz," Edd replied. "I must say, however, that this is turning out to be quite the change of pace. No struggles against a massive behemoth of a dragon or tussles against sociopathic, self-serving military forces. Just life in a floating city of entertainment."

"Yeah, this Crystal Star quest does have its moments of fun time," Goombella added.

"HEY!" came a loud shout from one of the vendor's booths. "NO! BAD! SO VERY BAD! Behave yourself, you stupid egg!"

"Was that Eddy?" Edd inquired out loud.

"No, that was he with the face like Wilfred who screams," Rolf replied, directing their gaze to the hot dog truck. The source of the voice was Mr. Hoggle, the proprietor, who resembled an anthropomorphic pig wearing a vendor's uniform. Both Edd and Rolf were reminded of Rolf's sow, Wilfred, from back in the cul-de-sac. The main difference, aside from the anthropomorphism and the clothing, was that Mr. Hoggle was bipedal, while Wilfred got around on all fours. Edd and Rolf ran over to the hot dog stand.

"Pardon me, sir, but what seems to be the problem?" Edd asked politely.

"Hang on; I'll get you your hot dog in a minute!" Hoggle shouted frantically.

"HEY HEY, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE RACKET?!" came the shout of another voice, which the cul-de-sac kids recognized as belonging to Eddy. "KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE! YOU'RE SCARIN' AWAY MY CUSTOMERS!"

"This blasted egg won't stop hopping around!" Hoggle fired back, trying to keep up with his imported product: a white egg with blue, pink, and green spots; the egg itself was over twice as large as a normal egg.

"What?!" yelled Eddy. "Yo, Hoggle! You're a hot dog seller, for cryin' out loud! Whaddya thinkin', servin' eggs at a hot dog joint?"

"Look, kid, I wanted to jazz up my menu a ways!" Hoggle shot back. "So I imported this egg from the tropical island down south of the mainland Mushroom Kingdom – y'know, the one with the boots-wearin' dinosaur-like critters? – but for some stinkin' reason, this blasted falutin' egg won't keep still! Now how am I supposed to cook an egg that don't stay put?"

"PARDON?!" Edd demanded, appalled at what he had just heard. "You mean to tell us that you were planning to cook a _live animal that hasn't even been born yet_?! Oh, the inhumanities, man!"

"Will y'all just help me catch that stupid thing?!" Hoggle ordered. "This thing don't even have arms 'n legs, and I STILL can't catch it! This was gonna be part o' my new Southern Fried Egg Dog o' Tastiness! But now… BAD EGG! To think I ordered this thing from that tropical island down south of the mainland Mushroom Kingdom! Even had to pay the shipping fees, too!"

Hoggle raised his spatula as if to whack the egg, but it seemed the egg sensed this coming, as it hopped away, bouncing onto the desk of Eddy's Souvenir Stand before leaping onto the roof of Hoggle's hot dog truck.

"Most awfully bad!" Hoggle shouted, seeing this. "Get down from there this instant, you bad egg! What, am I supposed to just _fly_ up there?"

"Hey, calm down, ya two-legged Wilfred!" Eddy yelled back.

"Let's see what we can do, shall we?" said Edd.

Both Edd and Mario assembled their teams, forming two "towers" of four members each; with Rolf and Nazz carrying Edd, who had Jimmy on his shoulders; and Madame Flurrie and Mario carrying Koops, who had Goombella on his shoulder. Eddy reluctantly joined in the effort to reclaim the egg, mostly because he wanted Hoggle to stop his incessant shouting. Ultimately, Eddy, using Team Eduardo as a sort of "ladder," managed to climb up to the roof of the hot dog truck and grab the egg.

"Okay, I have your stupid egg. Now will you shut up, ya porker?" Eddy grumbled.

No sooner had he said this, though, than the egg leaped out of Eddy's hands and back onto the roof surface. Jimmy climbed up to the roof and helped to pull Edd on top of the truck, where the sock-headed boy managed to take the egg into his own hands.

"Oh, Eddy, we simply cannot allow this rather porcine fellow to cook this poor, defenseless creature!" he said. This time, as he said this, the egg chose not to hop away, as though it had finally found a safe and caring set of hands.

"Oh, fine, fine, fine, take it." Hoggle grumbled. "Besides, most people don't like eatin' stuff that jumps all around the place."

Rolf and Nazz helped Edd and Jimmy climb down from the truck's roof, while Eddy jumped back down to his souvenir stand.

"There you go, Mr. Egg, you're safe now, and free to go," said Edd, setting the egg back down.

"Okay, guys, now that the egg is safe, let's go reserve our next match!" said Nazz.

"Agreed, Nazz," said Edd. "Come now, everyone, let us return to the Glitz Pit."

Both teams, assured that the egg was safe from any attempt to be used as an ingredient in any recipe, began making their way back to the Glitz Pit. Jimmy, however, looked back and stopped.

"WAIT, GUYS!" he called. Everyone stopped and turned to look at him.

"What troubles you, Boy Jimmy?" Rolf inquired.

"The egg! I think it's following us!" Jimmy said, pointing at the egg. Indeed, the egg was following them, as if it wanted to go with them as a way of thanking them for rescuing it from being cooked.

"Gosh, Jimmy, you're right!" said Goombella. "But why, though?"

"Hmm, intriguing," Edd mused. "Peculiar as it may seem, it would appear that this egg wishes to accompany us. Am I correct, Mr. Egg? You wish to join us?"

The egg responded by hopping in place excitedly, as if to say yes.

"Then it's settled. We now have an egg," said Edd as the egg excitedly hopped over to the sock-headed boy and landed in his arms.

"What do we do with it?" Jimmy inquired.

"I will begin drawing the blueprints to a proper incubator for this excitable egg," said Edd, placing the egg inside a small compartment on his backpack. "In the meantime, I think we should keep it safe. Eddy! We need a favor from you!"

"Jeez-Louise, Sockhead, you sound like my mother with that tone!" Eddy grumbled.

"We're going to reserve our next match," Edd explained. "Would you be so kind as to keep this backpack and its contents safe until we return?"

"Oh, fine, if you say so," Eddy groaned.

Edd removed his backpack and handed it to the reluctant Eddy, who struggled with it as it was surprisingly heavy.

"Jeez-Louise, this is heavy!" Eddy groaned. "What do you have in here, Sockhead?"

"Merely the essentials. A set of binoculars, a laptop computer, a mysterious excitable egg containing an unknown species… the usual," Edd remarked with a chuckle of sarcasm.

"Suuuure," Eddy mused, rolling his eyes.

"C'mon, guys, let's go!" Nazz called. Teams Eduardo and Gonzales each returned to the Glitz Pit, while Eddy returned to his souvenir stand, dropping Edd's backpack on the ground close by.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, boy-howdy, Eduardo! Fixin' fer a fight there, son?" Grubba proclaimed over the monitor.

"Yes, that's correct," Edd replied.

"Well, all righty then!" Grubba proclaimed. "Let's see here… Yer next opponents'll be, ranked 14th in the Glitz Pit – the Hand-It-Overs!"

"Whoa, Eduardo! You're goin' up against me and my crew!" Bandy Andy proclaimed eagerly. "Prepare to be surprised!"

"All righty, son, fer dis match, I want both teams to use a special move at least once!" Grubba continued. "It gits the crowd up 'n outta their seats to be seein' an ace trick like special moves! Now git in there 'n show me sumthin', son!"

With that, Edd and Grubba both logged off of the system.

"So, Eduardo, just so ya know, I got layers," Andy told Edd. "One's a bit shy, another one's quite suave- _ay_ , but in the ring is where my true colors shine! We won't be goin' easy on you!"

As Bandy Andy walked away, Edd faced his teammates. "Do we have a special move?" he inquired.

"Would the Emerald Star count as a special move?" Rolf replied inquisitively, producing the Emerald Crystal Star from hammerspace.

"It should," Edd responded. "Mario told me the Diamond Star had the power to summon tremors in the earth… By any chance, do we know what power the Emerald Star holds?"

"Guess we'll find out in the ring, right, dudes?" said Nazz.

The door opened, and Abrams re-entered the room.

"Team Eduardo! Hand-It-Overs! Match time," he said. "Follow me."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"HOOOOW-DAAAY, GLITZVILLE! ARE Y'ALL READY FER SOME ACTION TODAY?!"

The audience roared with cheers and applause as Grubba yelled into the microphone to get them fired up. As this went on, Team Eduardo and the Hand-It-Overs entered the ring from opposite sides of the room. The Hand-It-Overs consisted of four Bandits: Bandy Andy and Bandy Dandy in green cloaks, and Bandy Randy and Bandy Sandy in red cloaks.

"We got a good'un today, folks!" Grubba shouted into the mic. "Fer our next match, we got the Reckless Juvies, the EXTREME EDUARDOS, _aaaaaaand_ the Grim Death Burglars, the HAND-IT-OVERS!"

"You'll see, Eduardo! We're awful quick, awful agile, awful nimble, and… just plain awful!" Bandy Andy taunted.

"You wanna bet?!" Nazz fired back.

"All righty!" Grubba shouted. "Git yerselves ready to BATTLE!" The bell rang.

"Take it easy for now, and then we'll prepare our secret weapon," said Edd, gesturing to Rolf, who kept the Emerald Star in a bag separate from his whacking bag. Pointing toward Bandy Sandy, Edd shouted out:

"Jimmy! Go!"

Jimmy raised his staff and dashed forward, preparing to slash. Sandy, however, anticipated this – as Jimmy swung downward, she grabbed the X-side of the staff and used it to slam the pale boy down on the surface, hard.

"Owie!" he yelped.

"Purely amateurs," Sandy taunted.

As Jimmy lay injured, the red-cloaked bandit pocketed some coins that had come loose from the pale boy's pocket.

"Ah, a gift," she taunted, pocketing the stolen money.

"Bohemian! Just what do you think you're doing?!" Edd demanded.

"Hello? _Bandy_ Andy? As in _bandit_!" Andy fired back. "We're bandits! And that was our special move! We steal items from our foes for the duration of the match!"

"I… I can't move," Jimmy groaned. "Do you hear them, guys? It's the Vienna Boys' Choir… they're singing…"

"Now, Ed-boy?" asked Rolf, inquiring about the Emerald Star.

"Not yet, Rolf," Edd replied. "We need to catch them off guard first."

"Maybe I can help with that!" Nazz proclaimed. She dashed over to Sandy and leaped right onto the bandit's head. Upon impact, Sandy fell to the ground, out cold like Jimmy.

"Ah, a gift," she said, mocking Sandy as she reclaimed Jimmy's stolen coins.

"Now it's our turn," said Edd. "Rolf! Go!"

With a nod and a shout in his native tongue, Rolf struck Randy with his bag. The bandit fell from the impact, but climbed right back up again.

"Man, these guys must be more durable than we thought," Nazz commented.

"Oh, now you asked for it!" Andy yelled. "Dandy! Randy! Get 'em!"

Randy caught Nazz off guard as he tripped her up with a drop kick, sending her to the ground, landing on her bottom. This move knocked Jimmy's coins out of her pocket, and Randy eagerly re-reclaimed them. Dandy darted forward next and managed to strike Edd, but the sock-headed boy also managed to deflect this attack with his rod and toss the bandit to the ground.

"Well, I'll be!" Grubba shouted. "I do believe we've witnessed ourselves another super-guard!"

"Seems all that talk about y'all wasn't just talk, huh, Eduardo?" Andy taunted. "Well, now it's my move!"

Andy dashed up to Rolf and struck him hard in the left upper thigh, sending Rolf down to the ground on his knee. To add insult to injury, Andy claimed Rolf's Puni-emblazoned whacking bag for himself before rejoining his teammates.

"You have besmirched the name of the son of a shepherd, masked doohickeys!" Rolf shouted angrily, bringing out the Emerald Star from the other bag. "ED-BOY! The time is now!"

"What's that there, folks?" Grubba inquired as the audience murmured to each other in confusion.

"Come on, come on, kick in already, Star Power thing," Nazz groaned impatiently.

Just then, a shadow started to form in the center of the ring, growing larger and larger. The fighters and the audience gasped in shock and fright as an enormous bomb dropped smack-dab in the center of the ring. The giant bomb sported the Emerald Star, as well as a large clock face.

"Great Gallopin' Gulpits, I think this might be Team Eduardo's special move!" Grubba shouted.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Man, what the heck's Team Sockhead up to?" Eddy yelled as he and his customers watched the match unfold on the television that sat on his souvenir stand. "Where'd that giant bomb come from? Is that one of their Crystal Star whatchamahoozits or something?"

"Crystal Stars? What are those?" asked the Lakitu from the last time.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Look out, guys, it's gonna blow!" shouted Nazz in fright.

"Let's hurry! We must ensure that it strikes our targets!" Edd shouted. Working together, Edd, Nazz, and Rolf hoisted the large bomb off of the stage ground and hurled it at the three remaining Hand-It-Overs. The large explosion came upon impact, and when the smoke cleared, the Hand-It-Overs were frozen in time, motionless under the effects of Clock Out.

"Dude… what was that?!" Nazz inquired.

"A time-freeze effect, it would seem, Nazz," Edd explained. "I read about it once. This effect causes people to temporarily freeze in time."

"So these dudes have… 'clocked out' for a while?" Nazz laughed.

"Heh heh, that's funny, Nazz," Edd admonished, "but now's our chance to strike!"

"Right!"

Nazz sprinted over to Dandy and attacked him with a high kick to his mask. The impact was strong enough that a large footprint was left on the mask and he was on the ground, still in the same pose in which he was frozen. Rolf followed that up with an attack to Randy's mask; this time, the son of a shepherd used his closed fist to deliver a powerful punch, due to his whacking bag being in Andy's possession. Finally, Edd whacked Andy with his rod and knocked him down; in the process, he reclaimed the whacking bag and returned it to Rolf.

"Yowzer!" Andy shouted suddenly. The effects of Clock Out had worn off, and Andy, Randy, and Dandy all regained their mobility and sense of time's flow. "What the heck was that?! _Your_ special move?"

"Dang it! That wasn't long enough!" Nazz groaned.

"I agree, Nazz, this is quite a quandary. We've lost one teammate, as have they," Edd explained, gesturing first to Jimmy, and then to the Hand-It-Overs. "We're still tied up, and we're having such a tough time defeating them."

"What'll we do, dude? At this rate, we'll lose!" Nazz moaned.

"We need to come up with some sort of strategy, and quickly," Edd replied, facing Nazz but still gesturing to the opposing team. "I'll admit, perhaps we do lack the necessary fire power to-"

What happened next came too quickly for anyone, including Edd, to react in time: Edd's body temperature suddenly skyrocketed, as if he had set foot in a hot oven while it was cooking food. A split second later, a large ball of flame shot out of the sock-headed boy's outstretched hand, striking the Hand-It-Overs in a fiery explosion.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"WHAT THE-?!" shouted Eddy.

His eyes, as well as those of his customers, were wide as saucers as they watched the strange phenomenon unfold on television, engulfing the affected part of the ring in raging flames. "HOW THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"WHOA, NELLIE!" Grubba shouted, dashing away from the ring as a fire alarm went off. "EVERYBODY OUT!"

The audience members clamored together as they raced for the exits, screaming all the way.

"Fellows, evacuate the building immediately!" Edd shouted to his team. With a nod, Nazz and Rolf ran from the burning stage. Edd began to follow, but quickly remembered that Jimmy was still unconscious, too injured to stand. The flames were beginning to inch closer to him, threatening to burn the pale boy alive. A few feet away, Bandy Sandy had recovered and awakened to the chaos that unfolded before her. She hopped back in surprise at the fire that had somehow ignited the ring. Quickly, Edd dashed back and hoisted Jimmy over his shoulder, then teamed up with Sandy to rescue Bandy Andy.

"Thanks, guys," Andy coughed as the smoke began to fill the room. The emergency sprinklers activated, spraying a torrent of water all throughout the room in an attempt to extinguish the blaze. "But Dandy and Randy are still in there!"

"Eduardo! Take Andy with you!" Sandy coughed, bringing Andy to Edd. "I'll save Randy and Dandy!"

"Will you be okay?" Edd asked.

"Just go! Hurry!" Sandy shouted back.

In spite of the injuries sustained, Edd and Andy carried Jimmy out of the room to rejoin Nazz, Rolf, and Team Gonzales, while Sandy went back to rescue Randy and Dandy.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Within twenty minutes, everyone had safely evacuated from the Glitz Pit, awaiting further instructions in the town square. Teams Eduardo and Gonzales had reunited – as did the other teams from the locker rooms – and Jimmy had regained consciousness.

"What happened?" he asked. "Why did it get so hot in there? And why was it raining?"

Edd, however, was rendered speechless over what had just happened.

"People o' Glitzville!" Grubba announced over the PA systems. "The fire has successfully been ex-tinguished. We've determined a malfunction in our pyrotechnic systems to be the root cause of the accidental inferno. So, we've shut down all our pyrotechnicals 'til further notice. In addition, some of our fighters who were injured in the blaze ain't too maimed or burnt too bad, and they should be up 'n about in no time. Since the Extreme Eduardos was winnin' last, they're officially declared the winnin' team. It's safe to enter the Glitz Pit again."

Grubba returned to the Glitz Pit to run damage control with the press, and the crowd outside breathed collective sighs of relief. While Bandy Andy reunited with his fellow Hand-It-Overs in the lobby en route to the hospital, Teams Eduardo and Gonzales crossed to Eddy's souvenir stand.

"Man, Sockhead! By far, that was the coolest thing I've seen in my whole life!" Eddy told them.

"Eddy! Innocent people got injured because of that pyrotechnics malfunction!" Edd admonished.

"Eh, they'll be fine," Eddy responded, waving his hand like a Jedi. "I met those Hand-It-Overs the other day; they're a tough 'n sturdy bunch."

"If you say so," said Nazz.

"Oh! Almost forgot!" Eddy exclaimed. He grabbed Edd's backpack and set it on the countertop, opening the small compartment to take out the egg that was rescued from Hoggle's menu. "Here's your egg. Been a good egg, too – didn't hop around and try to bust out, though it's still movin' a bit."

Eddy returned the backpack and the egg to Edd, who immediately put the backpack back on and took the egg in his hands.

"Well, thank you, Eddy, for keeping this egg safe from any harm," Edd said. "I must admit, I had my worries that _you_ would try to cook it."

"I only eat eggs that aren't, you know, _alive_ , Sockhead," Eddy retorted.

"Well, I suppose all that's left to do today is indulge in some nourishment, grab some rest, and set up our next match… if there is one," said Edd. "We should also construct an incubator for this egg."

"Sounds like a plan, Double-D," said Nazz. "Let's go."

Both teams of four walked away from Eddy's souvenir stand to grab a meal before returning to the Pit. As Edd walked away, however, he grew increasingly worried as his mind tried to process these recent events. _This is impossible_ , he thought to himself, looking back at the Glitz Pit building. _That inferno was far too convenient to be classified as a mere accident_ …

 **End of Part Four**


	21. 3-5: Desperate Measures

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 5: Desperate Measures**

"They're saying that the pyrotechnics were cheap, and that's why they malfunctioned," Nazz said. Currently, both teams were watching Grubba's press conference on television at the juice bar as they drank their assorted fruit juice orders.

"I guess that could happen," Jimmy added. "But still, that sounds more dangerous than a lot of Eddy's scams."

"At least everyone got out okay," Koops added, turning to face the pale boy. "You all right there, little buddy? That Bandy Sandy chick took you out in one move."

"Only a few itty-bitty owies, but I'm alive and well," Jimmy replied. "Thanks for asking, big buddy. At least my butt wasn't knocked two Thursdays from now by a girls' curling club."

"Oui, Madame is un bit, how vous say, shaken, but she shall live to see another day," Flurrie commented.

Edd, however, remained silent. Whatever had happened, he was adamant in his belief that it was no mere accident. He couldn't tell the others, though, as his mind was swimming in questions – what if they suspected him of cheating? What if the Hand-It-Overs failed to survive the burns? Worst of all, this incident was televised live! They were all eventually bound to find the holes in the story that Grubba was feeding to the press! Edd rubbed the temples of his head in an attempt to relax his mind.

"Double-D?" Goombella called to him.

"Huh?!" he yelped, startled. Turning to face Goombella, he asked, "Yes?"

"You've been awfully quiet lately," she responded. "Is everything all right?"

"Oh… yes, all things considered," said Edd. "No need to worry. Accidents happen, I suppose."

"Still, I can't help but think something's fishy about all of this," Goombella added.

"At least-a they're saying that-a there's only minimal-a fire damage to the ring-a," Mario chimed in. "Perhaps we should-a return-a to the locker room and-a check on everyone else."

"Rolf agrees," replied Rolf. "Let us return, warriors!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd, Mario, and their respective teammates returned to the Glitz Pit minor-league locker room and reunited with King K, Master Crash, Cleftor, and Bandy Andy; the latter was rather badly injured, but not incapacitated, suffering only minor burns, which were covered by gauze.

"Oh… Eduardo," said Andy to the sock-headed boy. "How weird was that?"

"And scary," added Jimmy.

"I do hope you're not too seriously hurt," Edd said.

"A few slight burns and bruises, but I'll be okay. Sandy, too," said Andy. "Thanks for gettin' me outta there."

"You're welcome," said Edd. "And what of your teammates?"

"Randy and Dandy? Yeah, they're seriously out," Andy replied. "They're in the hospital being treated for first- and second-degree burns. The medical staff is optimistic about their survival, as are Sandy and I, but they're as good as out of the competition."

"Sorry to hear that, B-man," said King K. "That kind of stuff can happen in the Glitz Pit."

"Yeah… sure," said Andy, a bit depressed. "I think I'm done fighting for a while. I'm gonna keep investigating the mystery of the missing fighters."

"Bah!" Cleftor groaned. "Andy killjoy."

"Oh, shut up, Cleftor," King K fired back. "Andy's havin' a real bad day, man. Have a heart, will ya?"

"Tough cookie. Fighters better when heartless," Cleftor retorted as Andy left the locker room.

"Pardon me, I need to use the facilities," said Edd, facing his friends. "Would you please look after the egg in the meantime?"

"Sure, man," said Koops.

As Edd left the room to enter the lavatory, Nazz opened the backpack's compartment and took the egg into her hands from there.

"It's okay, little dude," she said to the egg. "We and Double-D will take good care of you and keep you safe."

Inside the bathroom, Edd clicked on the light. The bathroom was dimly lit and very dingy, the wallpaper peeling like the rest of the locker room. The smell of urine and body odor did not go unnoticed by Edd, but he had too much on his mind to complain about the conditions as he approached the mirror. A lantern hung from the ceiling, between the light bulb and the sinks, one of which appeared to be filled with water, as if the drain were clogged.

"We were all there. I, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Andy and his team, Grubba, even the audience were all there when it happened," he said quietly to himself. "Grubba's spinning this to the press as a malfunction in the pyrotechnical systems, but that so-called 'malfunction' felt too convenient to be an accident."

Just then, the light bulb blew out, leaving the room in darkness.

"Bohemian!" he grumbled. "It should not be that hard or that expensive for the staff to replace the bulbs." In the darkness, he was just barely able to make out the form of the lantern hanging from the ceiling.

"Hmm… a lantern," he continued quietly. "This is how they plan to keep the room lit?"

He blindly felt around the sink and felt his hand touch some matches; however, the matches were soaking wet, and thus useless.

"Great… Just great," he complained quietly. "How can I possibly light this lantern without any reliable source of fire-GAH!"

Edd's hand suddenly ignited in flames again. Panicking, he immediately stuck his flaming hand into the flooded bathroom sink, putting out the flame immediately.

"D-d-d-did that j-just… did that just happen?!" he quavered to himself, pulling his hand out of the sink. He used his other hand to check his wet hand for any signs of burns. Strangely, he felt no sign of charred skin or pain. It was as if his hand was never on fire to begin with.

"Strange… there seems to be no damage to my hand… but it had just caught fire-GAH!"

Once again, Edd's hand caught fire, and once again, he extinguished the flame by sticking his hand in the sink.

 _How on Earth_ , _or any other world_ …? he wondered to himself. He suddenly developed another theory: _Wait_ … _a-am I doing this_? _Every time I use the word_ " _fire_ ," _my hand seems to ignite_. _Hmm_ … _I wonder_ … As foolish as he felt about this, he decided to test out his theory, like any scientist would. Training his eyes to look at his hand again, he spoke the word:

"Fire."

Sure enough, his hand combusted yet again, and he extinguished the flame by dunking the burning hand in the bathroom sink.

"So it seems my hand ignites when I speak the word as I gaze at my hand," he whispered. _Then that must mean, when I spoke the word_ " _fire_ " _during the previous battle, the resulting conflagration struck that particular area of the fighting ring_. Gazing at the lantern, he formulated another theory: "Perhaps…if I point at this lantern and speak the word…"

Edd located and pointed at the lantern, and in a half-whisper, he spoke the word:

"Fire."

Almost immediately, a small flame appeared inside the lantern, just barely lighting the area around it, but not enough to illuminate the entire room. Edd waved his hand in an attempt to put out the flame; sure enough, as he did, the flame vanished.

"…Intriguing. It seems I can put out the flame with a wave of my hand," he whispered to himself. "Perhaps if I amplify the volume of my voice, the resulting amplitude will strengthen it…"

He pointed at the lantern again, and this time, spoke the word slightly more loudly: "Fire."

The flame re-appeared in the lantern, this time more brightly, illuminating more of the area around it. With another wave of his hand, Edd put out the flame, darkening the room once more.

"Enterprising," he said to himself. "The louder my voice, the stronger the flame. Hmm… if that's the case, then perhaps it's affected by my emotions, as well… Hmm, let's see…"

He pointed at the lantern again, this time thinking about his current quest, and the level of determination that he held to see it all the way through. In the process, he thought of his friends, and the strengthened bond they all shared as a result of this quest thus far. With these emotions in both his mind and his heart, he spoke the word again, louder this time:

" _Fire_."

Once again, the flame re-appeared in the lantern, much more quickly this time. The flame itself also appeared to be much brighter, sharper, and stronger, as well, since Edd could now smell the smoke coming from it. The boy then waved his hand again to put out the flame, darkening the room once more.

 _A most intriguing discovery indeed_ , he thought to himself. _It seems I've managed to understand_ , _thus far_ , _how this flame ability works_. _But how in the Sam Hill did I come into possession of this ability_? _And for what length of a time frame have I been able to command such a power_? … _GOOD LORD_!

The horrifying realization hit him like a ton of bricks. _I knew it_! _That was no simple malfunction in the pyrotechnics_ – _I was the cause of that fire_! _Oh lord_ , _I've just sent three innocent people to the emergency room_! _WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME_?!

More than anything, Edd detested malice and violence. He had always been a pacifist back on Earth, the type of boy who would never willingly harm a fly, let alone another human being. Of course, if he did harm anyone, it was all purely accidental, like the day he became the school bully after a series of accidents that included dropping a heavy book on Lee Kanker's foot; becoming tangled in his locker and accidentally pinning Rolf with pencils; pricking his hand on a sharp fork and, while recoiling, knocking Jonny into Marie Kanker; and even becoming entangled around Ed as the big lug ran around destroying the cafeteria even though it appeared Edd was beating him up. Yet even as he had been forced to resort to an intermediate level of violence to defend himself against his foes in this strange new world, never had he expected _this_. More than anything, right now, he feared how his friends, both familiar and new, would react if this ability were exposed.

 _As unintentional as this was_ , _this was still my fault_ , _and I must accept the responsibility_ , he thought, rubbing the temples of his head. _I only wish I knew how I came to be in possession of this ability_.

Edd was startled out of his thoughts by a sudden knock on the door.

"Double-D? Are you all right in there?" Nazz called from outside.

"Oh, yes, Nazz, my apologies," Edd said hurriedly. "I needed a few moments to myself, that's all."

"Well, c'mon!" Nazz called. "I just reserved our next match! We've got, like, three minutes to get ready!"

"Coming!" Edd called.

He exited the dark bathroom and squinted, his eyes attempting to re-adjust to the sudden contrast in brightness between rooms. Within a few seconds, he regained a clear sense of sight and turned to face Nazz.

"Who, may I ask, are we facing in combat?" Edd inquired.

"They're called the 'Mind-Bogglers,' ranked 13th in the Glitz Pit," Nazz explained. "With a team name like that, I'm willing to bet that these guys are from the Boggly Woods. Also, Grubba said we're to refrain from jumping. That the crowd doesn't always need to see any fancy-schmancy acrobatics. His words, not mine."

"Boggly Woods, you say?" Edd inquired. "In that case, it seems Rolf would perform best in this match."

"Rolf agrees, large-in-brains Ed-boy," Rolf concurred.

The door leading to the hallway suddenly opened, and Abrams the security guard entered the locker room.

"Team Eduardo! Match time," he explained. "Let's get going."

"Wait!" Jimmy called. "What about the egg? We can't just leave it here unattended!"

"Don't worry about it, Jimbone," King K replied. "We'll take care of the egg while you guys are in the ring."

"Well… very well, I suppose I can trust you to take care of this egg," said Edd, producing the egg from his backpack. In his hands, he could feel the egg move. "Just be extra careful with it, King K. I want this egg to _hatch_ , _not_ be cooked on a griddle or anything else."

"I promise, E-dawg," King K replied. "Now get out there, and show 'em what ya got!"

Edd nodded as he, Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy were led out of the room to the ring by Abrams.

"Hey, guys," said Koops, turning to face his teammates. "You want to watch Team Eduardo fight?"

"Oh yeah!" Goombella exclaimed.

"Absolutement," Madame Flurrie concurred.

"Of-a course!" Mario replied.

"Hey there, Eggy, ya wanna meet the guys?" King K said to the egg in his hands. "This is Master Crash, the Bob-omb; this rock-man here is Cleftor; and if Bandy Andy were here, I'd introduce ya to him."

"King K weirdo. He talk to egg," Cleftor grumbled sarcastically.

"For once, I'm BOMB with Cleftor," Master Crash added. "It just seems BOMB weird to BOMB talk to an egg."

"Ah, who needs ya, Cleftor?" King K shot back. "Me and Eggy here are gonna see the show. Comin'?"

"Yeah, fine BOMB," replied Master Crash. He and King K left the locker room, leaving Cleftor by himself.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Dashing through the foyer, King K and Master Crash arrived at the ring, carrying the egg that Edd had rescued, anticipating the beginning of the match.

"Coolness. Looks like we made it BOMB before the match is set to BOMB start," explained the Bob-omb.

"All right! Let's grab us some seats!" King K explained.

The two fighters looked around the stadium – the seats were rather packed, but not as much as before, considering what had happened earlier. Grubba was making his way to the center of the ring, microphone in hand. Looking up behind them, King K saw Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Flurrie taking a seat rather high up to catch a better view of the action below. A few rows down in front of them, however, sat Eddy, a bowl of snacks in his hand. King K led Master Crash up the rows of seats and joined Eddy.

"Hey, Eddy," the yellow-shelled Koopa greeted as they sat down.

"Hey, King K, my man! What's cookin'?" Eddy responded, producing the "wink and gun" style of greeting.

"Yo, King K, you know this BOMB guy?" Master Crash asked incredulously.

"Yeah, Crash, that's Eddy McGee," King K replied. "He runs that souvenir stand just outside the place at Glitzville Square. Y'know, the stand next to Hoggle's hot dog truck?"

"Ah, okay BOMB," Master Crash said, nodding.

"Speaking of which, Eddy, shouldn't you be there right now?" King K inquired.

"Naw, I took a pause for the cause," Eddy replied. "I wanted to see my friends up there in the ring up close, instead of on TV."

"Your friends? Wait, you mean the Extreme Eduardos?" King K queried.

"Yeah, man, I knew them since forever. We're from the same place, they and I," Eddy bragged. "Y'know their team leader, Eduardo? His name's actually Edd, with two D's. We call him Double-D 'cuz of that. I like to call him 'Sockhead' though, 'cuz of that hat he always wears."

"So, Eggy, ready to see your first fight?" King K asked, diverting his attention to the egg in his hands.

"Really, King K?" Master Crash chuckled. "I swear you talk to that BOMB egg as if it has BOMB eyes and ears."

"Hey, isn't that Sockhead's egg?" Eddy asked, seeing this.

"Yeah, he asked me to watch it during the match," King K. "He's really adamant that it hatch and not be used as an ingredient for food."

"Details, details," Eddy waved off.

"HOOOOOW-DAAAAY, GLITZVILLE!" Grubba shouted into the microphone.

The audience roared with thunderous applause and cheers, awaiting the next match-up.

"We had a bit of a scare wit dat fire earlier, but thankfully, no real damage was done, 'n the place is safe. Y'all think a li'l fire's gon' stop da fightin'? HECK NAW!" Grubba continued. "Guys 'n gals, we got us a good'un today! TEAMS, git on up here!"

Team Eduardo and the Mind-Bogglers each crossed to the ring from opposite sides of the room. The Mind-Bogglers consisted of Parris the Pale Piranha Plant, Paddy the spider-like Pider, and Nimbus the Dark Puff.

"Fer our next match, we got those Reckless Juvies, the EXTREME EDUARDOS 'n the Gray Entanglers… yup, a fight to the finish wit da Mind-Bogglers!"

"Prepare to be ensnared, mystified, and devoured!" Parris boasted.

"Dream on, chumps!" Nazz fired back.

"And now," Grubba yelled into the microphone. "Git yerselves ready to BATTLE!"

"Now remember, our conditions are to refrain from jumping, so that means no aerial attacks," Edd clarified.

"Got it!" Nazz yelled back. She darted up to Parris and connected with a punch to the Pale Piranha's cheek.

"Awesome job, Nazz!" Jimmy shouted.

 _Okay_ , _Eddward_ , Edd thought to himself. _Only make use of your newfound_ … _flame abilities when absolutely necessary_ …

"Rolf shall go next!" Rolf shouted, exchanging a nod with Edd.

The son of a shepherd ran up to Parris and prepared to strike. Parris, however, was very quick – so quick that he was able to counterattack with a bite to Rolf's leg when the blue-haired youth got close. Rolf went down with a shout.

"Whoa, Nellie, that's one heck of a counter," Grubba commented.

"Rolf! Are you okay?" Jimmy asked worriedly.

"That monster has bitten Rolf," Rolf replied, his body turning numb and sore. "Pain comes to pay a visit to the son of a shepherd…"

"Oh, dear, it seems this Pale Piranha injected you with some kind of poison," Edd quavered. "It should be temporary at best. Do what you can to endure it until it dissipates."

"R… Rolf shall endure… Ed-boy," Rolf said, straining himself against the pain. "The son of a shepherd is strong…"

 _Hmm_ , _we_ ' _re prohibited from jumping_ , _so the Pider and the Dark Puff are out of reach_ , Edd thought. _Perhaps if I zero in on the Pale Piranha_ …

Edd grabbed his rod and charged at Parris head-on. He raised the weapon to strike Parris in the head, but Parris countered this attack as well by clamping his teeth on the rod and angling himself to slam Edd onto the ground.

"Jeepers! This guy's really good at counters!" Jimmy quavered.

"How's it feel, chumps?" Parris taunted. "We ain't called the Mind-Bogglers for nothin'!"

Enraged, Jimmy charged at the foes with his staff in hand. He managed to strike Parris across the cheek, dealing a considerable amount of damage. Parris remained standing, however, and took his turn. Instead of retaliating against Jimmy, however, Parris decided to zero in on Edd, ducking down and re-emerging to bite the sock-headed boy in his leg as well. Edd shrieked in pain and fell to his knees. Nimbus used the opportunity to charge itself electrically, spouting out sparks. Paddy kicked up small rocks toward the Eduardos, who managed to evade this move before Edd, too, became sore.

"Oh, dear… the poison is kicking in…" Edd groaned.

"Yes… Rolf feels it, too…"

"Hey! No fair!" Eddy shouted from the stands. "That gray fish-plant's cheating!" His shout, however, was drowned out by the noises of the crowd.

"What do we do, guys?" Nazz asked nervously.

"Rolf and I will sit out this turn to defend and recuperate," Edd explained. "You and Jimmy try what you can, but remember – no jumping." _With Rolf and I down_ , _we lose strength and cunning_ , he thought to himself. _While we still have style and agility on our side_ , _what good will they be without performing aerial strikes_?

"Let me try!" Jimmy shouted, charging at Parris once again. Parris attempted to bite Jimmy before the boy could strike, however; robbed of his chance to attack, Jimmy instead used his staff to shield himself from the Pale Piranha's counterstrike.

"My turn!" Nazz shouted. She dashed forward to attack Parris with another punch, but Parris countered too quickly for Nazz to react; the Pale Piranha bit her hand, forcing her to draw back. She then fell to her knees as well, as the poison began to spread through her system. Parris followed up with a bite to Jimmy's leg, sending the pale boy to his knees with a shout of "Owie!"

"NO!" Koops shouted from where he was sitting. "JIMMY! Fight it, little buddy! FIGHT IT!"

"Come on, Sockhead! You're smart! Think of something!" Eddy shouted.

Fully charged up, Nimbus released a lightning-fueled Thunder Rage on the Eduardos, sending them to the floor. They weren't unconscious, but they were just barely moving. To add insult to injury, Paddy followed this up by kicking more rocks from hammerspace toward the Eduardos, who were rendered unable to dodge this move after Nimbus's attack.

"Dude, this is not good," King K whispered to Master Crash.

"Aw, man, looks like the Extreme Eduardos could be handed their first loss here," Grubba commented.

 _Grubba_ ' _s right_ , Edd thought to himself, worried and in pain. _This could be all over for us_ … _unless_ …

Edd had hoped he wouldn't have to resort to this. _Seems I have no other option_ … _desperate times call for desperate measures_ … Slowly and straining himself, Edd climbed to his feet, as it seemed the poison in his system was starting to wear off, as was the case with Rolf, who tended to Nazz and Jimmy.

"Yee-haw! Looks like Eduardo's still got some fight left in him!" Grubba commented loudly.

 _Courage_ , _Eddward_ , Edd thought to himself. _You only mean to frighten them_ , _not outright scorch them_ … Fighting the subsiding poison left in his system, Edd raised his right arm, pointing near Parris.

"What now, Eduardo?" Parris taunted. "We've boggled your minds, and ya still got something to say?"

As Edd readied himself, he spotted a small, but bright, light emanating from his outstretched fingers. The sock-headed youth stared down the Mind-Bogglers dead-on, as the light from his fingers became brighter and hotter. Finally, he spoke:

"Fire!"

Right then and there, the light transformed into a glowing ball of fire, launched from his fingers and flew across the ring, striking the Mind-Bogglers in a fiery explosion similar to the one that defeated the Hand-It-Overs and creating a hot wind that blew in all directions. Struggling to remain on his feet and holding his hat with his free hand, Edd waited for about two seconds, then waved his free hand. Just like that, the explosion of flame and wind died down instantly. The Mind-Bogglers seemed to only suffer minor burns, since Edd did not intend to inflict third-degree burns, but the opponents were both weakened and bewildered amid what had just transpired.

"Whoa… this kid… he just boggled the Mind-Bogglers," Parris groaned, coughing. He, Paddy, and Nimbus all crashed to the ground, defeated.

Immediately, the crowd's shouting stopped in an instant, the noises replaced with stunned, shocked silence. Grubba seemed lost for words, his eyes just as wide as the rest of the crowd's eyes. Even Eddy, King K, Master Crash, Rolf, Nazz, Jimmy, and Team Gonzales were at a loss as to how to react, and they too could only stare at Edd with eyes wide as saucers and mouths agape. Aware of the fallout, Edd pulled his hat over his eyes, trying to hide his guilt.

"You… _saw_ that, right?" Goombella whispered to her teammates from her seat.

"Sacre bleu," Flurrie added.

"Has… he always been able to do that, Mario?" Koops whispered.

"Normally it would-a take a Fire Flower for-a me to do that," Mario replied.

Reluctantly, Edd pushed his hat back to his original position and approached Grubba, who was still holding the microphone. It wasn't until this moment that Grubba was able to find his voice again.

"Great Gallopin' Gulpits, that sure was unexpected," Grubba proclaimed.

"Um… Mr. Grubba, may I borrow your microphone?" Edd asked. "I have some things I need to confess."

Grubba slowly handed the microphone to Edd, who proceeded to address the spectators.

"Um… my name's Eddward, but you know me as Eduardo," Edd said, in a tone of voice associated with guilt and shame. "As you've all just witnessed, I somehow possess the ability to wield the power of flame. I don't know for sure exactly how long I've had this ability, as I had no idea that I did until… just recently, when we faced the Hand-It-Overs in our previous match."

The audience began to murmur once again as Edd continued: "Yes… That spontaneous combustion earlier was not caused by malfunctioning pyrotechnics… it was caused by me, by my stumbling."

Collective gasps of shock emanated from the audience.

"But I swear, it was all an accident! I hadn't _intended_ for it to happen – it just _happened_!" Edd managed to hand the microphone back to Grubba before again pulling his beanie over his eyes, ashamed of himself.

"Well, hey, son, accidents happen," Grubba said, trying to reassure Edd, putting his free arm around the sock-headed boy's shoulder. "What, ya think it's the first time we done seen people to the hospital after a match?"

"I guess he's got a point," King K whispered, still holding Edd's egg in his hands.

"So ladies and germs, whaddya say?" Grubba asked the crowd. "Y'all forgive the kid?"

The room remained silent for a tense few seconds. Edd reluctantly began to return his beanie to his original position, waiting nervously with bated breath for the crowd's reaction. Finally, Eddy spoke.

"HECK YEAH!" he shouted, a big grin on his face. "Eduardo, you just got 20 times cooler in my book!"

"Absolutely!" King K concurred.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Goombella added.

"Yeah… hey, Eduardo, we forgive ya, too, man," said Parris as he, Paddy, and Nimbus recovered. "You're quite the mind-boggler yourself. And ya seem like you're in great company!"

Finally, the audience cheered, effectively forgiving Edd for his actions as a result of his confession and the encouragement of friend and foe. Edd finally managed to find it in himself to smile.

"Well, there we have it, y'all!" Grubba proclaimed over the crowd's cheers and applause. "All's forgiven, Eduardo! With that, our winners, the EXTREME EDUARDOS! Who knew that in one day, such events would be happenin'? Only in GLITZVILLE, ladies 'n germs! 'Til later, this is Grubba sayin', 'Y'all come back now, y'hear?!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

The Extreme Eduardos fully recovered from the poison that Parris had inflicted on them, as well as the fallout from Edd's fiery revelation. They had gone on to win two more battles, moving up to rank 11 and effectively giving them a shot at the major leagues, as Jolene had told them. Team Gonzales was not that far behind them, having achieved rank 13 by the end of the day.

As he constructed the incubator for his egg, recent events weighed heavily on Edd's conscience.

"Mario?" Edd asked, turning to face the plumber.

"Yes?" Mario replied.

"Do you see me as some kind of freak?"

"Not at all," Mario reassured. "In this-a dimension, having-a powers is considered-a relatively normal."

"Nazz? Rolf? Jimmy?" Edd asked his teammates. "…I'm not a freak, am I?"

"No way, dude," Nazz said. "It seems some form of magic powers should be common in this world. Especially after our bout with the Shadow Sirens at Boggly Woods."

"Do not fret, flame-throwing Ed-boy," Rolf reassured him, smiling and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Rolf is still your friend, too."

"Besides, you saved me from the last fire," Jimmy said, smiling warmly. "Even though you caused it, I don't think you're a monster. You've cross-pollinated a rose with a Baby Blue Gym Sock before, and that can only be done by hands as gentle as hummingbirds' wings."

"You really gave it to 'em, E-man!" King K congratulated. "Just remember to be more careful with those fire hands of yours."

"Hey, has anyone seen Bandy Andy?" Koops inquired, noting the absence of the green-cloaked Bandit.

"No, not since the fire," Nazz replied. "Where could he be?"

"Perhaps he-who-is-paranoid is still searching for those who are missing," Rolf added.

"Really? At ten o'clock at night?" King K inquired incredulously. "Naw, not my boy Andy."

"For all we know, he could be at the hospital, along with his teammates," Edd interjected. "Perhaps tomorrow, we can find out."

"Good night, guys," said Nazz, yawning and stretching. "See ya in the morning."

Nazz, Goombella, and Flurrie returned to the ladies' bunks to catch up on some well-deserved sleep. Mario, Koops, Rolf, King K, Master Crash, Cleftor, and Jimmy each entered their respective bunk beds to get their sleep and prepare for the next day's fights. Edd, however, was still making adjustments to the incubator, into which he had placed the egg.

"What are you BOMB doing, Eduardo?" Master Crash asked.

"I'm perfecting this incubator for the egg, so it can fully mature from within until it hatches," Edd replied.

"What do you think it'll be, Double-D?" Jimmy asked from his bed, which was situated above Edd's bed.

"I honestly haven't a clue, Jimmy," Edd said, placing a glass dome cover onto the incubator as the egg sat inside. "I suppose we'll know what it is once it hatches. Sweet dreams, fellows."

"Good night, Double-D," Jimmy said, yawning.

Edd crossed to the doorway and flicked off the light switch before climbing into his bunk bed, situated beneath Jimmy's, and closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift off to sleep and into his dreams…

 **End of Part Five**


	22. 3-6: Chancing for the Big Leagues

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 6: Chancing for the Big Leagues**

"SIX A.M., FOLKS!" Grubba shouted through the room. "WAKEY-WAKEY, THE PARK'S OPENIN'!"

Once again, Edd awoke groggily with a start, but was able to avoid banging his head on Jimmy's bunk bed this time. He could also hear the _Reveille_ -like trumpets over the P.A. systems. As everyone else woke up. Grubba left the room to allow the fighters to prepare for their matches. After rubbing his eyes, Edd walked up to the incubator, removing the glass dome cover to examine the egg.

"Hello, Mr. Egg," he said sweetly. "How are you doing this morning?"

The egg didn't respond with any words, though Edd wouldn't expect any sort of response like that from an egg, aside from a few hops. Instead, it sat there, moving up and down, simulating breathing.

"Right, then, I'll just let you rest," he continued, placing the glass dome back over the egg.

"Morning, Double-D," said Jimmy, as he and Rolf approached Edd.

"Oh, good morning, Jimmy. Good morning, Rolf," said Edd.

"What's the plan for today?" Jimmy asked.

"We reserve our next match," Edd replied. "As the ranking currently stands, we are ranked 11th, and as Miss Jolene had said, this provides us with a chance to enter the major leagues and rank 10th, and we will be halfway to the Crystal Star."

"Oh! I almost forgot! The Crystal Star is why we're here!" Jimmy exclaimed, slapping his forehead. "I was just so pumped up to get stronger!"

"Let us do this, Ed-boy!" Rolf proclaimed.

King K awoke, and looked over at Bandy Andy's bunk bed. The yellow-shelled Koopa crossed over to the bed, but found that it was empty.

"Aw, man, Andy's still not back yet?" King K asked, worried.

"He hasn't come back all night?" inquired Edd.

"Naw, man, he never stays out past eleven," King K said, now very worried. "This is gettin' serious, man. I'm goin' to find him!"

With that, King K dashed out of the room, calling for the missing Bandy Andy.

"Aw, man, looks like Bandy Andy became the very thing he was investigating – missing fighters," Koops said to Mario. "I hope he'll be okay…"

"I hope King K finds him," added Jimmy uneasily.

"He'll be BOMB fine," Master Crash assured.

"King K stupid fool, he have too big heart," Cleftor grumbled.

"Oh, shut up BOMB already," Master Crash fired back.

With a yawn and a stretch, Edd, Rolf, Jimmy, Mario, and Koops left the men's bunks to rejoin Nazz, Goombella, and Flurrie in the locker room.

"Hey, guys!" Nazz called, waving the guys over.

"Good morning, ladies," Edd responded, waving back.

"Hey, what's King K's problem?" Goombella inquired. "He just bolted outta here, calling for Bandy Andy."

"Well, you recall how Bandy Andy was investigating the mystery of the missing fighters?" Edd asked.

"…Yes," Goombella replied uneasily.

"We fear he's now become exactly what he'd been investigating," Edd elaborated. "For you see, we haven't seen hide nor hair of Andy since he resumed his investigations."

"Aw, man!" Nazz groaned with worry. "I don't like this, guys."

"Yeah, King K said he was goin' out to look for him," Koops chimed in.

"As worrisome as this is, I think we should reserve our next match, fellows," said Edd. "We should refrain from inserting ourselves into the missing-fighter conundrum unless absolutely necessary."

"I guess you're right, Double-D," Nazz acquiesced.

With this, Edd crossed to the monitor and pressed the button to call Grubba.

"Well, boy-howdy, Eduardo! Fixin' fer a fight, huh?" he bellowed.

"That's correct, Mr. Grubba," Edd replied.

"Well, let's see now… Yer next opponents'll be, ranked 10th in the Glitz Pit: the Armored Harriers!" Grubba proclaimed. "All righty now, fer this fight, I want y'all to avoid usin' any o' them items y'all might have! Empty them pockets, y'hear? Real fighters don't need fancy trinkets 'n junk to help 'em hand out a proper whuppin', y'hear? Now git in there 'n show me sumthin'!"

With that, Grubba and Edd logged off of the monitor.

"Well, fellows, are you ready?" Edd asked his team.

"Ready!" exclaimed Rolf, Nazz, and Jimmy.

"We're gonna go and grab some seats while we still can," Koops explained. "Good luck out there, guys! You win this, you're headed to the big leagues!"

Team Gonzales then left the room, heading for the stadium to get a good view of the upcoming fight.

"Oh, dear, I almost forgot!" Edd piped up, slapping his forehead. "We mustn't leave this egg unattended! Will someone please fetch Eddy for me?"

"Allow Rolf," Rolf responded, leaving the locker room with a bow. About four or so minutes later, Rolf returned to the room, dragging a less-than-willing Eddy behind him.

"Now what do you want, Sockhead?" Eddy complained. "I had to close my souvenir stand AGAIN 'cuz of you people!"

"Eddy, we're about to engage in our next match," Edd explained, directing Eddy's gaze to the incubator in which the egg sat. "We need you to look after this egg until we return."

"What?"

"Just keep an eye on it until we return, Eddy," Edd explained again.

"Yeah, yeah, don't get your hat in a bunch, Double-D," Eddy retorted.

The door opened again, and Abrams the security guard walked into the locker room.

"Eduardos! Match time," he spoke. "Follow me."

"Good luck out there BOMB!" Master Crash called as Edd and his friends were led out of the room and to the ring by Abrams. Once they had left, Eddy and Master Crash returned their attention to the egg.

"What the heck's in this thing?" Eddy mused about the egg. "Better not be a stupid bird. I hate birds."

Suddenly, the egg began to shake, rather violently.

"Whoa! What's happening? What are you doin'?" Eddy shouted. "Will you quit movin'?"

This, however, went unheeded as the egg continued to shake. Eddy removed the glass dome cover to get a closer look.

"Hey, what's BOMB happening with the BOMB egg?" he wondered.

"That's what I'd like to know!" Eddy fired back.

Now even Cleftor, normally a grouch, found himself intrigued by the current goings-on, and he too approached the egg, which continued shaking.

"Egg shaky! Hatch soon!" he growled.

"Hatch?!"

As Eddy said this, however, a crack formed on the egg.

"Aw man!" the loud scammer shouted in a panic. "The egg's crackin'! Sockhead's gonna kill me!"

"Eddy! Just 'cuz it's crackin' BOMB doesn't mean it's BOMB broken," Master Crash clarified. "See? Look! It's BOMB hatchin'!"

More cracks formed on the egg, and soon, a small hand popped out of one side. Another hand popped out of the other side, eliciting gasps from the three onlookers. The hole in the egg opened wider, and a small, adorable, blue dinosaur-like head protruded forth.

"Whoa, what is THAT?!" was the first thing out of Eddy's mouth. "Sure ain't a bird, that's for sure…"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"HOOOOOW-DAY, folks, 'n welcome back to the Glitz Pit! Today we got a real treat fer ya!" Grubba shouted into his microphone. "Today, we got those Reckless Juvies, the Extreme Eduardos; 'n the Iron Adonis Twins… yes, sirree, Bob, a fight to the finish with the Armored Harriers!"

The Eduardos and the Armored Harriers – two spiked Clefts, each dark gray-colored and more than double the size of Cleftor but about the same height as Edd – entered the ring. One of them, Armorouge, wore red shoes, while his twin brother, Grunweld, wore green shoes. Both of them also had spikes protruding from their foreheads. Upon the sight of these large rock-hard twins, the audience comments could be heard:

"Whoa, they're huge!"

"Nice spikes!"

"Man, those rock dudes are huge!"

"The Extreme Eduardos've been a sight to behold here, lassies 'n varmints!" Grubba continued. "In just a few short days, they've managed to rise all the way to rank number 11, which means if they defeat the Armored Harriers, then they git to move on up to the big leagues!"

 _ **Armorouge**_ _and_ _ **Grunweld**_ _are two twin Iron Clefts who make up the Armored Harriers, also known as the Iron Adonis Twins. It's not just a name, either – their tough exteriors make them all but impervious to real physical damage, and they each have spikes protruding from their foreheads. They're also very easily offended. To defeat them requires creativity – their biggest strength, for example, is also their weakness._

"Eduardo!" Grubba shouted, handing the microphone to Edd. "Y'all've come so far in just a short time, even with a few hiccups here 'n there. How ya feelin' there, son?"

"Ahem, well, Mr. Grubba, I must say that this journey so far has been indeed enjoyable, and a good experience… in spite of a few, shall we say, accidents," Edd commented. "To our opponents for this match, I wish them the best of luck."

"Well, there ya have it, folks, that was Eduardo's take," Grubba shouted. "Now let's hear from the Harriers themselves. Armorouge, Grunweld, what y'all got to say?!"

With that, Grubba discreetly switched off the microphone and whispered in Armorouge's ear, saying:

"Hyuk hyuk! Yer challengers're real confident, boys! Yup, Eduardo's over there talkin' trash. He's over there like, ' _Iron Adonis Twins_? _More like Paper-face Dog-face Bros_! ' _N they stink_! _I bet they just play video games_ ' _n cry when they lose_! _Outie belly buttons run in their family_ , _them stinkwads_!' 'N stuff like that. Yup."

"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Armorouge bellowed, incensed and outraged, loudly enough to startle the Eduardos. "How's he know 'bout Ma's li'l outie belly button?! Dat jerk! EDUARDO! We gon' blend y'all into a smoothie 'n drink ya, pal!"

"Oh, and one more thing!" Grunweld added. "Only smelly stinkwads call other people stinkwads! Got that, stinkwad?"

"By that logic, for calling us 'stinkwads,' your argument invalidates itself," Edd fired back. "And in NO way did we refer to you as such!"

"LIAR!" Grunweld shot back, equally incensed. "You're gonna regret flappin' yer yap, stinkwad!"

"These bods? Solid iron!" Armorouge boasted.

"These spikes? They penetrate ANY substance!" Grunweld bragged. "Long story short, any strategy y'all try will be totally useless!"

"Think that over in the very short time y'all got left with functioning brains!" Armorouge shot back.

Grubba raised his microphone to his mouth: "Git yerselves ready to BATTLE!" And with that, the bell rang.

"Time to head to the major leagues, right?" Jimmy said.

"You'll pay for your words!" Grunweld shouted.

"We didn't say that!" Edd protested. However, it was a bit too late, as Armorouge charged forward and slammed into him with force. Edd managed to brush it off and get back up onto his feet.

"It's all fun and games until someone pays the price for false rumors," Edd said. "They are truly serious about this. It's best we end this as soon as possible."

"Gotcha, Double-D!" Jimmy replied.

Rolf went first, slamming his Puni-encrusted whacking back into Armorouge with all his might. When Rolf checked the damage, however, he was shocked – there was not a dent, not even a scratch.

"Hahaha! Really? That's the best you got?!" Armorouge taunted.

"Impossible!" Edd gasped. "That didn't even hurt him?!"

"See, 'Armored Harriers' ain't just a name!" Armorouge continued. "Ain't nuttin' can pierce through this!"

"Oh, dear, there must be a way around this," Edd groaned.

"Perhaps the star shall assist us?" Rolf inquired.

"No, Rolf, the Clock Out from the Emerald Star will only freeze them in time, but won't hurt them," Edd said. "Perhaps this should work?"

Edd raised his hand toward the Harriers, and spoke the word: "Fire!"

A spark of flame shot out from his outstretched hand and struck the Harriers. Edd waved his hand to put out the flames, but got a shock when he saw that it did nothing.

"Ain't you supposed to be the smart one or somethin'?" Grunweld laughed. "Rocks ain't flammable!"

 _This is not good_ , Edd thought to himself. _Simple flame won_ ' _t assist me here_. _Perhaps adding a word to it will alter its effects somehow_?

As Edd pondered this, Armorouge charged forward and rammed into Jimmy, who fell down and didn't get up.

"Owie… sorry, guys… the choir's singing again," Jimmy said, dazed and very badly injured.

"Man, this is NOT going well," Koops said nervously in the stands.

Grunweld followed up by ramming himself into Rolf. Since the son of a shepherd was taller and stronger than Jimmy, he was able to withstand the blow more easily.

"Dude, any ideas?" Nazz asked Edd.

"I have one idea," Edd replied. _I haven_ ' _t done this before_ , _but I must think of some fire attack that makes sense_. _Perhaps…_

Pointing at the Harriers, Edd shouted: "Fireball!"

The light on his hand went from white to orange as a larger ball of fire shot at the Harriers, enveloping them in smoke and flame.

 _This should work_ , Edd thought to himself. He waved his hand to put out the flame and cancel out the attack. The smoke and flames cleared, but the Harriers themselves remained unscathed.

"Sacre bleu, ze flames are not working," Flurrie moaned from her seat.

Nazz and Rolf steeled themselves against the coming attacks from the Harriers. Armorouge charged at Nazz, who unfortunately couldn't take the blow and fell to the ground.

"I'm out, dudes," she groaned in pain.

Grunweld charged at the weakened Rolf, and this time was able to bring him down.

"Rolf apologizes, Ed-boy," he groaned.

Edd, already weakened and injured, was now all alone. _There must be some way to turn the tides_ , he thought. _Perhaps I_ ' _ve been_ thinking _too simplistically_. _Fire and fireball are fine_ , _but perhaps I should think of a new one_. Pointing again, he shouted the first name he could think of:

"FLAME!"

Edd wasn't completely sure what would happen, but he had to find out. As he watched, fireballs of varying sizes began raining down like a meteor shower… and even this failed to pierce the thick, rock-hard hide of the Harriers.

"Seriously?!" Grunweld laughed. "Pa-thetic! Now let's end this!"

Armorouge prepared himself to charge at Edd, who was now at his wit's end. He knew he had to think of something, and fast.

"FLAME SHIELD!" he shouted.

Edd was enveloped in a force field of flame, and Armorouge bounced off of it as he charged. The impact, however, was strong enough to dispel the shield, and Edd didn't have enough seconds to speak the incantation again before Grunweld collided with him, hard. Edd tried to fight the pain, the weakness… but it was too much, and he collapsed.

Cheers and boos rang out from the crowd.

"We got ourselves a winner – the Armored Harriers!" Grubba proclaimed.

"Buh huh huh huh huh," Armorouge laughed. "How'd y'all like that? We tried to tell ya's, but _nooooooo_ … and just like that, our family's honor's been restored!"

"If y'all want another piece o' pummel pie, have a bath 'n come on back!" Grunweld added. "Punks!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, that was terrible," Edd moaned. He and his team were brought back to the locker room by Jolene after being handed their first real defeat since signing up for the Glitz Pit.

"Sorry, dude. But hey, we'll find a way to get 'em next time," Nazz said, trying to reassure him.

"I'm sorry, Nazz, but they're too tough, even for us," Edd countered. "Perhaps Mario- er, Gonzales and his team may have better fortune…"

"Oh, come on, Double-D, we can't give up now! We've come too far!" Jimmy fired back, unwilling to surrender. "Remember! We're in this until we win the championship and that Crystal Star thingy!"

"Crystal Star?!" Jolene gasped. "W-w-what Crystal Star?"

"Eep!" Jimmy yelped, covering his mouth – he had said too much, as Jolene's reaction to this statement suggested to the heroes that she knew about the Crystal Star and its capabilities, and left them suspicious.

"So you know about the Crystal Star, she-who-wears-a-mushroom-hat?" Rolf inquired, his eyebrow raised.

"Um, um, uh, I-I-I-I know n-nothing, h-here's your pay, your rank remains at-at eleven, now I-I really must be going," Jolene stuttered in a panic. She handed Edd one measly coin before rushing out of the room, forgetting to adjust her glasses in the process.

"O…. kay, then," Nazz mused. "Is it me, or does she know something we don't know?"

"Fellows, please! What should we do?" Edd asked.

"Life has many doors, Ed-boy," Rolf replied. "We go through the door to fight again, like Rolf's ancestors!"

"But how can we possibly damage them?!" Edd shot back. "Even my newfound fire powers had no effect on them! As Eddy would say, we're hooped! This is quite a quandary, as we desperately- GOOD LORD!"

He had drawn his attention to the incubator and panicked at the sight – the shattered remains of the egg he had rescued and taken care of now lay scattered within, along with a small puddle of amniotic egg whites.

"WHERE IS EDDY?!" Edd demanded, angrily, rounding on Master Crash and Cleftor.

As if on cue, Eddy came out of the locker room lavatory, standing in the doorway.

"Calm down, Sockhead, I'm right here!" he said.

"I gave you ONE job, Eddy – and that was to _take care of the egg_! And now look – the egg is shattered, its remains now scattered inside the incubator!" Edd wailed, seething in anger, both at himself for losing the match as well as at Eddy. "What did you do to my egg?! If you cooked it into breakfast, I swear, I'll- I'll-"

"Whoa, put the pin back in the grenade, Double-D! I didn't do nothin' to it – it hatched as soon as ya left!" Eddy protested. "Here, lemme show ya!"

Eddy stepped out of the doorway and moved to the side, revealing a new sight – the dinosaur-like Mini-Yoshi that had hatched from the egg. It looked so adorable! It was approximately a foot-and-a-half tall, wearing cyan shorts with white spots and purple shoes resembling sneakers. It had blue skin and a Mohawk style on its hair as purple as its shoes. Seeing the new faces in front of him, he gave a little dance and chuckled, charming the onlookers.

"Awww!" Nazz and Jimmy cooed.

"Hey, yo!" the Mini-Yoshi said, in a rather high-pitched but scrappy voice.

"You mean…?" began Edd, facing Eddy.

"Yup. Soon as ya left, the egg began to shake," Eddy explained. "Then it cracked, and out popped this little scrapper. I gave him the Mohawk to make him look cool. And that's when you showed up."

"This is fascinating!" Edd exclaimed, as the Mini-Yoshi approached him.

"So Eddy here tells me you're the one who saved me from that crazy hot dog guy who wanted to cook me?" he said. To Edd, the fact that this little creature could talk and walk on his own despite being newly hatched was a breakthrough all on its own.

"That-that would be correct," Edd confirmed. "I wasn't about to let you become an ingredient in a recipe for hot dogs or any food, so I took you in and incubated you while you were still in your egg. It looks as though you successfully hatched without any missteps."

"Yeah, thanks to you!" replied the little Yoshi.

"What a discovery!" Edd exclaimed. "You've only been hatched for but a few mere moments, and already you can walk with excellent posture, communicate, and understand concepts!"

"I sure can, man!" exclaimed the little Yoshi.

"He's so cute!" Jimmy gushed.

The Mini-Yoshi approached Jimmy, glowering, as if he'd just been insulted.

"Never. Call. Me. Cute," the little creature warned. "I'll only accept 'awesome.'"

Jimmy recoiled in surprise at the gusto and bravado of this little creature. The little Yoshi then laughed playfully.

"Hey, relax, Baby-Blue, I'm just playin' with ya," he chuckled. "You seem pretty chill."

Jimmy began chuckling as well, albeit shyly. This little scrapper sure was rather mischievous. Before long, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie returned to the locker room.

"Hey, guys, we're sorry about how that fight turned out," Koops consoled. "I'm sure you'll – Hey, cool, it's a Yoshi!"

"A who-shi?" Jimmy asked.

"No, a Yoshi, little buddy!" Koops explained, patting Jimmy on the back.

"Yoshis are bipedal, anthropomorphic dinosaur-like creatures with a wide array of capabilities," Goombella elaborated, as if reciting from a dictionary and in a tone of voice similar to Edd. "They come in different colors, they can flutter-jump to hold themselves aloft for a short period, they can eat more than their body weight, and sometimes they'll trap the foes they eat into eggs and use them as ammunition in battle. They make their home on the aptly-named Yoshi's Island, a tropical paradise settlement south of the mainland Mushroom Kingdom. Some people call that place Lavalava Island, because of the volcano down there."

"Then that means that this Yoshi's Island is where this little guy was imported from," Edd concluded.

"Comme c'est adorable! Madame est impressionnée!" Flurrie gushed.

"And I can put up a heck of a fight!" the Mini-Yoshi interjected. "Seriously, party people! Even in the egg, I could hear everything. Like, this place is the Glitz Pit of Glitzville, and you're fightin' your way to the championship to get a Crystal Star!"

"Observant, as well!" Edd marveled. "You are a very bright specimen, indeed!"

"I also hear that you're on this quest or something about a treasure that involves Crystal Stars!" the little Yoshi continued. "Count me in, guys! So, who's who?"

One by one, everyone went around and introduced themselves.

"Name's Eddy McGee, don't wear it out!"

"Hi, I'm Nazz."

"I am Rolf, son of a shepherd."

"Hee hee! I'm Jimmy!"

"It's-a me! Mario!"

"Call me Goombella!"

"My name's Koops."

"Je m'appelle Madame Flurrie."

"And finally, I'm Eddward Bentley, also known as Double-D," Edd explained. "But here in the Glitz Pit, I'm known as Eduardo."

"So, what's your name, little guy?" Koops asked the little Yoshi.

"Um… yeah, I don't know…" replied the little blue-skinned creature. "I just hatched, man, so I ain't got a name besides 'Yoshi.'"

"Hmm…" Edd puzzled.

After a few seconds of thinking of a name for the newly-hatched Yoshi, Eddy finally spoke up.

"Hey, I got it!" Eddy proclaimed. "How about: Eduardo Bentley Junior!"

"Eduardo Bentley… Junior?" Edd asked.

"Hey, why not, Sockhead?" Eddy explained. "After all, your fighter name is Eduardo, your last name's Bentley, and this little hatchling here is your kid!"

"Sounds like a cool name! I dig it!" the little Yoshi concurred.

"Very well then! From this moment forth, you shall be known as Eduardo Junior!" Edd explained.

"Awesome!" exclaimed the newly-named Eduardo Junior, as Edd picked him up and placed him on his head.

 _ **Eduardo Bentley Jr.**_ _is the full name given to the scrappy Yoshi child that hatched from the egg that Edd had rescued. Due to this fact, the child imprints on Edd as a father figure. Eduardo Jr., like other Yoshis, can flutter-jump in the air for a brief time, as well as perform powerful ground pounds. He can also eat an enemy whole and either trap it inside and egg or spit it out as a projectile!_

"Well then, what do you say, fellows? Let's face the Armored Harriers once more," Edd rallied, a newfound determination burning in his mind and body as he approached the monitor on the wall and pressed the button, with Eduardo Jr. perched on his head.

"Well, boy howdy, Eduardo! I see ya ain't the type to stay down 'n accept failure!" Grubba complimented.

"That's correct," Edd replied.

"All righty," Grubba said. "Lemme just reserve this rematch against the Armored Harriers. Same conditions as before, son – appeal to the crowd at least once, git 'em fired up!"

"Hey! C'mon! I want in, man! Lemme at 'em!" Junior explained, himself fired up and raring to go.

"Is that so, Junior? You only hatched a few moments ago," Edd said incredulously.

"So what? Lemme at 'em, man, so I can prove it to ya!" Junior continued. "Seriously, put me in the ring and I'll show ya what I got!"

"…Very well, then," Edd said.

"Uh, Eduardo? Who was that?" Grubba inquired.

"Oh, yes. Mr. Grubba, would it be permissible to add a new member to my team?" Edd asked.

"Of course, by all means," Grubba laughed. "Of course, that means I'll have to pull y'all back to the lowest rankin'."

"PARDON?!"

"Hahahaha! Lighten up, son, I'm just messin' with ya!" Grubba chuckled. "But in accordance wit' Glitz Pit guidelines, that maxes out yer team at five members. No more new members can be added to yer team now. So, who is this new li'l fighter?"

"He goes by Eduardo Junior," Edd replied, ducking down so that Grubba could see the little Yoshi perched on his head.

"Ah, a li'l Yoshi scrapper," Grubba marveled as Edd stood up straight again. "This'll be a great bout, no doubt! I'll send Abrams in any minute now. Y'all hang on there for a moment while I add yer new teammate to the Extreme Eduardos list. Git out there 'n bring this puppy home!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"WELCOME BACK, GLITZVILLE!" Grubba addressed the cheering crowd over the microphone as the Armored Harriers and the now-five-member Extreme Eduardos crossed to the ring. "We're gon' try dis again here, ladies 'n germs – the Extreme Eduardos've challenged the Armored Harriers to a rematch, 'n ain't giving up without a fight! The Eduardos got themselves a new member, too – Extreme Eduardo Junior!"

Eduardo Junior waved at the crowd as Edd hoisted him high before setting him down onto the ground.

"Back again?" Armorouge laughed. "Y'all just don't know your place, do ya?"

"Y'all got a new li'l pipsqueak?" Grunweld echoed. "Man, y'all just don't learn, do ya? We beat ya once, we'll do it again!"

"You and whose army?" Nazz fired back.

"Ahem!" Grubba cleared his throat. "Git yerselves ready to BATTLE!" The bell rang.

"Lemme at 'em!" Junior piped up. Immediately he hopped off of Edd's head, careful not to jostle the position of the sock-headed boy's hat, and landed squarely on his feet, approaching Armorouge.

"…Really?" Armorouge laughed. "Man, just another li'l kid!"

"This'll be too easy, just like last time!" Grunweld concurred, also laughing.

"Ready?" Junior retorted. "Open your mouth and say AHHH."

"Wha-?" Armorouge was confused by this. "Um, well, uh…"

"Not 'uhh!' Ahh!" Junior repeated.

"Oh, fine, I'll humor ya, li'l quarter-pint," Armorouge grumbled. "Ahhh-"

This turned into a shocked yell from Armorouge as the little Yoshi opened his mouth and stuck out his long, frog-like tongue, attaching to Armorouge like fly paper.

"Whaaa?!" was all that he could utter. Almost immediately, Junior's tongue retracted with the red-footed harrier still attached, shoving him right into the little Yoshi's mouth.

"Dude, that's just-!" Nazz began, at a loss for words.

"Son of a shepherd!" Rolf spat, bewildered.

"I think I'm going to be ill," Edd concurred.

"Did he just EAT that guy?!" Jimmy squealed.

Junior immediately spat Armorouge out of his mouth, sending him flying in a curved arc right onto Grunweld's head spikes. The impact was hard enough to greatly injure Grunweld from above and Armorouge from beneath.

"YEOUCH!" they both shouted.

"That little munchkin turned our biggest strength into our biggest weakness!" Armorouge groaned.

"It's a double-edged sword, man!" Grunweld moaned. "Y'know, ya could be more careful when ya land, huh?"

"Excellent! Finally, they've taken a hit!" Edd proclaimed. "One more of those attacks should be enough to defeat them!"

Eduardo Junior returned to Edd, beaming.

"How was that?" he asked.

"That was perfect, Junior!" Edd replied, patting the Yoshi's head in a fatherly manner.

Little Eduardo Junior jumped up and down in joy and busted out some slick dance moves, eliciting a mixture of cheers and "awwws" from the audience. Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy followed suit with a few slick moves of their own to fire up the crowd and fulfill Grubba's match conditions. As they did so, Edd saw the Harriers gearing up for an attack of their own – and Eduardo Junior seemed to be their target.

"EVERYONE! Protect Eduardo Junior until he attacks again!" he called to his team.

"Right!" came the collective shout of Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy.

As Armorouge began charging forward, Edd thrust himself in between the large harrier and the little Yoshi.

"Flame Shield!" he shouted, arms outstretched.

A shield of flame erupted around the Eduardos. Armorouge launched himself at them and bounced off of the shield, knocking him back and dispelling it in the process. Grunweld began to charge forward, but Nazz, Rolf, and Jimmy stepped in front of Edd and Junior.

"Oh, no ya don't!" Nazz shouted, as she, Rolf and Jimmy blocked Grunweld's attack using the combination of Nazz's arm, Rolf's whacking bag, and Jimmy's X-Naut staff, with the trio's combined countermeasure successfully knocking back the green-footed harrier.

"All right, Junior! Now's your chance!" Edd said to the little Yoshi.

Junior ran forward and pulled Armorouge into his mouth once more with his long, frog-like tongue. Immediately, the pint-sized Yoshi spat him back out toward Grunweld, injuring both of the harriers hard enough to knock them out. The two enormous Iron Clefts fell to the ground, defeated. The crowd roared with cheers and applause.

"Urrrggghh," Armorouge groaned, dazed.

"Does this mean we gotta go back to the minors now, Bro?" Grunweld moaned. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Well, maybe ya shouldn't have had dat steak volcano wit gravy, eh?" Armorouge shot back.

"Yer the one who ate all dat Worcestershire steak wit da meatball marinara sauce 'n da chili cheese dogs!" Grunweld fired back. "Ya musta put on at least twenty pounds!"

"Great Gallopin' Gulpits! Congratulations, Eduardo 'n team!" Grubba said to Edd and his teammates, ignoring the bickering of Armorouge and Grunweld. "At long last, wit' dis victory, y'all are headin' on up to the major leagues! Care to comment?" He held the microphone closer to Edd.

"Well, first off, if it wasn't for Eduardo Junior here, we never would have discovered that the Armored Harriers' greatest strength and greatest weakness were one and the same," Edd laughed. "And if it wasn't for the combined efforts of the five of us, we never would have made it as far as we have… for a group of determined young children."

"All right, y'all heard it here from the mouth of Eduardo himself!" Grubba proclaimed. "Now _that_ , folks, was what I'd call a _wiiiiild_ 'n wooly melee! Heck, I'd say it was a diggety-dang doozy! Y'all keep it up, kiddos, 'cuz y'all goin' places, I can tell, hoo-WEE! Let's hear it for our new major-leaguers, the EXTREME EDUARDOS!"

Confetti rained down from the ceiling as Edd and Rolf held Eduardo Junior high as they, along with Nazz and Jimmy, reveled in the roaring cheers of the crowd. They had conquered their biggest obstacle in the Glitz Pit thus far, and with this victory, they were on their way to the major leagues, halfway to the championship, and halfway to the Gold Crystal Star.

 **End of Part Six**


	23. 3-7: Major Leagues, Anonymous Tips

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 7: Major Leagues, Anonymous Tips**

"That was awesome, little dude!" Nazz said to the little Yoshi child, currently being carried by Edd.

"Rolf agrees, he-with-boundless-appetite has come through for us in a pinch, yes?" Rolf concurred.

"Meh, it was nuttin," Junior replied. "By the way, do ya always talk in third person?"

"What third person?" Rolf asked as Edd set Junior down onto the floor.

Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior were led back to the locker room by Jolene after their victory against the Armored Harriers. Only Team Gonzales, Cleftor and Master Crash remained in the room, as King K and Bandy Andy were still missing and Eddy had returned to his souvenir stand. Since Eduardo Junior had already hatched, Edd's incubator was also removed from the room.

"Guys! You did it! Congratulations!" Koops said, running up to Edd and his teammates to high-five them and exchange a fist-bump with Jimmy in the process.

"Congratulations to all of-a you!" Mario cheered, beaming at the Eduardos.

"Madame is simply bursting with pride!" Madame Flurrie added, winking and beaming.

"Just goes to show, sometimes the most awesome things come in small packages," Goombella chimed in, referring to Eduardo Junior.

"Well, Eduardos, congratulations on your victory thus far," Jolene interjected, handing Edd ten coins. "Here's your pay."

"Thank you, Miss Jolene," Edd said politely, as he divided the ten coins evenly among himself and his teammates – at five team members, it was two coins apiece.

"Now, if you would, please come with me," said Jolene. "Mr. Grubba needs to see you five in his office."

"Well, all of you," said Edd, turning to the remaining minor-leaguers. "This is goodbye for now. We shall reunite soon, comrades." He followed Jolene out of the locker room.

"Yeah, guys, it's been real, but we're movin' on up to the big leagues," Nazz said, as she followed Edd.

"Rolf shall reunite with the mustached one, yes?" Rolf added, following Nazz.

"Good luck in your fight, too, guys!" Jimmy said, waving as he, Rolf, and Eduardo Junior followed Edd, Nazz, and Jolene out of the locker room en route to Grubba's office.

"We'll see you guys in the major leagues soon! Count on it!" Koops called after them.

Once they had left, the door to the bunks opened, and a purple bat-like creature fluttered into the room. He appeared to be just a smidge shorter than Goombella at first glance, but his wings kept him aloft as long as he flapped.

"Hey, guys, what's happenin' out here?" he demanded.

"The Extreme Eduardos are BOMB movin' up to the big BOMB leagues, Sir Swoop," Master Crash replied.

"Ah… cool," replied the bat creature known as Sir Swoop. "I wonder if my crew and I might go up against 'em."

"Well, ya gotta make your way up the ranks first," said Goombella.

"Hey, I'm all for it," said Sir Swoop. "Though I do wonder whatever happened to that King K guy that I'm replacin'."

"As far as we BOMB know, he went BOMB missing looking for his BOMB buddy Bandy Andy," Master Crash replied. "Ain't heard from either of 'em in a BOMB while."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Grubba sat at his desk in his office, staring at something inconspicuous inside the central drawer pensively and scratching his rather large chin as he did so. Suddenly, the door opened, startling him. He jumped in fright and immediately slammed the drawer shut as Jolene entered, followed by Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior.

"Mr. Grubba, I've brought Mr. Eduardo and his teammates, as you requested," said Jolene.

"M-M-Miss Jolene! Mind yer manners now! We knock 'round here, missy!" Grubba chided, startled.

"My apologies, Mr. Grubba," Jolene sighed.

"Aw, don't worry yer pretty li'l head 'bout it none," Grubba reassured them. "Now, uh… what'd I want again?"

"You wanted to see us, Mr. Grubba?" Edd inquired.

"Oh yeah!" Grubba recalled, leaving his seat and approaching Edd and his team with pride. "Eduardo, ya li'l so-'n-so! Lemme congratulate y'all! Major leagues already! I had a feelin' y'all were goin' places, and hot-diggety-dang, I love it when I'm right! Y'all just keep on puttin' tuchuses in them seats! I'm proud o' y'all, kiddos!"

"Well, thank you, Mr. Grubba," said Edd.

"I got a special li'l sumthin-sumthin' fer ya's!" said Grubba. He reached into his wallet and pulled out a whopping fifty coins!

"Thank you again, Mr. Grubba!" said Edd as Grubba handed him the money, which was eventually divided evenly among the five team members at ten coins per person.

"So yeah, sumthin' else been on my mind… Y'all's costumes are whack. They ain't all dat cool," said Grubba about their appearances.

"Huh? But this is my best shirt!" Jimmy complained.

"Eh, no big thang, but hey, someday, if y'all become champ, I'll buy y'all some new fightin' threads!" Grubba guffawed. "Maybe sumthin' hot pink 'n frilly fer da blonde lass… she'll definitely look a sight!"

"Um, like… thanks, I guess?" Nazz replied quizzically.

"Meh, that's sumthin' fer another day. Take a powder, 'K?" Grubba continued. "Jolene? Be a doll 'n escort the Eduardos to the major-league room, if ya please."

"Of course," Jolene replied. "Eduardos, if you would, please follow me."

The young Toad manager straightened her glasses yet again as she led Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior out of Grubba's office. Once they had left, closing the door behind them, Grubba returned to his desk to resume his examination of the inconspicuous item inside the central drawer.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Jolene led the children to the room directly adjacent to Grubba's office. This was the room Grubba had showed them after the champion's room – the major-league locker room. The stark contrast between this room and the minor-league locker room was prevalent immediately. While the bunks were still located in the back of the room, the room itself was cleaner and much more orderly, there were no loose springs from the bench in the center, a small table stood near the bench, and the lockers weren't bent and marred with prints and other graffiti. The walls were a much brighter tint of gray, the paint wasn't peeling, the floors were of a gray/pink checkerboard pattern, and there were no pipes protruding from the walls; as such, the air and atmosphere wasn't as musty. The Koopinator was still in the room, as were a Hammer Bro, a red-shelled Spike Top, and a Koopa who looked identical to the still-missing King K, except his shell and shoes were blue, he wore a spiked collar, and his skin tone matched that of Jonny 2x4.

"Here we are, Mr. Eduardo and team, the major-league locker room," Jolene explained. "While you are all in the major leagues, this will be your locker room. See? Doesn't this room look nicer?"

"Yes, and much cleaner," Edd replied.

"As I told you, Mr. Eduardo, the status of the minor-league room provides incentive to rise up the ranks," Jolene explained. "But just because this room is more aesthetically pleasing does not mean you should slack off. I expect the same determination, perhaps more, out of you that we've seen since you started here, am I clear?"

"Crystal," Nazz replied.

"Now, the match reservation system is the same as in the minor leagues, but obviously, the bouts will be harder," Jolene continued. "Do us a favor and try not to get completely destroyed out there, okay, Mr. Eduardo?"

"You got it, boss lady!" Eduardo Junior exclaimed.

"Excellent," she responded. "Well, if you'll excuse me… I must be going now." Jolene adjusted her glasses yet again and left the room.

The Eduardos looked around their new accommodations and breathed a heavy sigh.

"Well, here we are, the major leagues, guys," Nazz said.

"What do we do now?" Jimmy inquired. "Should we introduce ourselves to the others in here?"

"They seem rather focused, Jimmy," Edd piped up. "Perhaps they don't wish to be bothered."

"Man, what's the deal with these people?" Junior griped. "Would it kill these guys to show a little hey-how-do-ya-do? I mean, sheesh!"

"Perhaps we shall reserve our next bout using the button-box on the wall?" Rolf inquired.

The door suddenly opened, and in walked the current champion, none other than Rawk Hawk himself. He stood about six-foot four compared to Rolf, who was easily the tallest of Edd's teammates; and the champ's belt was right around his waist, along with the Gold Crystal Star.

"Studly guy, comin' through!" he boomed. Immediately, everyone in the room took a step back upon seeing him, as his presence was very intimidating.

"Guys, that's Rawk Hawk, the champion!" Nazz whispered to her friends.

"Listen up, losers!" Rawk demanded. "I been hearin' 'bout some risin' stars tearin' up the league… a group o' children, no less!"

"Well, you heard right, Mr. Hawk, that's us!" Nazz proclaimed proudly.

Immediately, Rawk wheeled around and glared at the Eduardos, inciting a small, scared yelp from Jimmy; the champion ignored Nazz's proclamation and focused his attention on Edd, as he was the team leader.

"It's you, ain't it?!" Rawk demanded. "A sock-headed shrimp named Eduardo 'n his li'l friends, a Nazz, a Rolf, a Jimmy, and a li'l Yoshi, was it? Man, I came all the way over here for y'all _children_?! HAHAHA! What a waste o' time!"

"Laugh not, he-who-squawks!" Rolf fired back. "We have bested our opponents in the minor leagues, and when the time comes, we shall conquer you!"

"Don't make me laugh!" Rawk retorted. "Y'all are just a bunch o' scrawny kids!"

"What we lack in physical strength, we more than make up for in brains," Edd declared, pointing to his head.

"Is that so?" Rawk growled, grabbing Edd by his hat. The sock-headed boy pulled down on his hat to keep Rawk from removing it, and found himself being lifted off the ground.

"Hey, put him down!" Jimmy demanded.

"I'll be watching you, punk," Rawk warned Edd, ignoring Jimmy.

"Junior! The belt! The Crystal Star is on the belt!" Edd signaled to Junior.

Taking the cue, the little Yoshi approached Rawk as the large avian champion continued to hold Edd off the floor, and took a closer look at the belt.

"Hey! What're ya doin'? Keep your mitts off my belt!" Rawk snapped at Junior. "Get too close to the Hawk and you'll get RAWKED!"

Junior ignored Rawk's words and examined the star on the belt more closely. "Hmm," he said, scratching his chin.

"Junior? What is it?" Edd asked, still struggling to get back onto the floor.

"This… this isn't the Crystal Star you're looking for," Junior replied. "It's a fake!"

"Pardon?! A fake?!" Edd yelped.

"Say what?!" Nazz asked.

"Can this be true?" Rolf inquired incredulously.

"For real?" Jimmy squeaked.

"Yeah! Look at it. It's made of glass," Junior elaborated. "It's too small and brittle to be a Crystal Star."

"WHAT?! Fake?!" Rawk shouted. "You think you can just smack talk the Rawk Hawk? I don't think so! You got some nerve callin' my belt a fake, y'all shrimpy no-belt-wearin' pipsqueaks! Didn't y'all's mommas teach y'all some manners?!"

"Well-" began Edd.

"Turn down the steam, birdman," Junior said. "I ain't rippin' on the belt itself."

"You quit makin' fun o' me right now! Y'all are only alive 'cuz we ain't in the ring now!" Rawk fired back. "This belt ain't just some cheap jewelry! This is the belt of the champ! If I see y'all under them lights, I'm rippin' y'all apart! Remember the RAAAAAWK! And with that, POW, I gotta fly!"

Rawk dropped Edd back onto the floor and marched out of the room, flashing the look of "daggers" at them on his way out. Edd landed on his back, and Rolf helped him to his feet so he could brush himself off.

"Upon retrospection, perhaps I should have seen this sooner, but Eduardo's right," Edd said. "The champion's belt is just that – the so-called 'Crystal Star' on the belt is merely a decoration, likely making up the buckle."

"Told you," said Junior.

"But wait… if we've been battling all this way for something as materialistic as a champion's belt, then… where's the real Crystal Star?" Edd inquired.

All of a sudden, the Urban Rangers' anthem from _Ed_ , _Edd n Eddy_ began playing.

"Double-D? Why am I hearing the Urban Rangers anthem?" Jimmy inquired. Rolf, upon hearing the music, immediately performed the Urban Rangers salute.

"Oh, that's my laptop," said Edd, as he sat on the bench and pulled out his laptop, setting it in his lap. He opened his laptop to bring it out of sleep mode and connected it to the Glitz Pit wi-fi for an Internet connection.

"Did you get an e-mail? Isn't it a bit soon to be hearing from that Marie Kanker?" Nazz asked, snickering.

"No, the ringtone for e-mails is the theme song for our cartoon," Edd replied. "Jonny sent me a soundbyte of the Urban Rangers anthem so I could use it as a ringtone for instant messages. He said it would sound 'right on.' Truth is, it reminds me of when Eddy wanted to wear one such uniform."

"Ah, yes, lower-than-a-Wee-Roach Ed-boy," Rolf chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, jibber-jabber, what's it say?" Eduardo chimed in.

"Ah, yes," Edd said. He grimaced at the sight of the message. "It seems whoever sent this message clearly does not understand proper capitalization. But it reads as follows: 'iF yOu WaNt ThE cRyStAl StAr, HeEd My InStRuCtIoNs. FrOm X.'" _Why would they type it out like this_?

"From X, it said?" Nazz asked. "Who could that be?"

"Whoever this X may be, it seems as though he or she knows where the real Crystal Star could be," Edd explained. "Of course, the question is, should we trust this mysterious source?"

"I don't know, guys," Jimmy quavered. "Between this and the missing fighters, I'm getting the jitters."

"Maybe… maybe we should trust this X person," Eduardo piped up.

"Seriously?" Nazz asked. "Why?"

"Well, this Crystal Star's obviously important, right?" Eduardo explained. "If we wanna find the thing, then this X, whoever he or she might be, is our only lead."

"He-who-was-hatched speaks the truth," Rolf concurred. "This mysterious person is our only clue to the Crystal Star."

"Very well, then. As suspicious as this X person may be, it seems we've no other option but to place our trust in him or her," said Edd, resigning himself. "In the meantime, we should reserve our next match. Currently, our ranking stands at number ten, so we should be fighting the ninth-ranked team."

"But dude, what's the point in fighting to the championship now that, like, it's not for the Crystal Star?" Nazz inquired.

"We must, Nazz. We're technically still bound by our contracts," Edd reminded her. "First let me respond to this X." He returned to his laptop and typed out his response to X, using his Glitz Pit handle:

"Very well. We agree. We shall communicate again shortly. From Eduardo."

After sending the message, Edd closed and stored his laptop before activating the wall monitor to reserve their next match.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Here's your fight money, Mr. Gonzales," said Jolene, handing Mario ten coins. "Your rank is now eleven. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be going." Jolene adjusted her glasses before leaving the room.

Team Gonzales had just defeated Master Crash and his Bob-omb Squad, and they were that much closer to joining Edd and his Extreme Eduardos in the major leagues. The Armored Harriers were now in the minor-league locker room, having been demoted in rank due to their recent loss to Edd and his team, who were currently matched up against the ninth-ranked team, the Tiny Spinies (two Spike Tops).

"Not that much longer now, huh, guys?" Goombella added.

"Hey, that was a BOMB great match, guys," Master Crash said.

"Thanks, man," said Koops.

"Cleftor admits, Gonzales strong, Eduardos too," said Cleftor, who had endured a loss to Team Gonzales while the Eduardos were being relocated to the major-league locker room.

"Well, look who's finally BOMB showin' a little heart," Master Crash retorted.

"Crash one to talk. Crash lose to children," Cleftor groaned.

"So, you guys are the Great Gonzales, huh?" said Sir Swoop.

"Oui, monsieur winged one," said Flurrie.

"You guys are pretty slick, from what I hear," said Sir Swoop. "I'm just barely tryin' to hang on. We just barely scratched out a win against the Pokey Triplets."

"Feh," Armorouge grumbled. "There's no way a group of children could beat US."

"Yeah, keep an eye on that little Yoshi kid," Grunweld added. "He's got a big mouth for someone so tiny."

"Aww, what's the matter?" Goombella taunted, rounding on the Harriers. "Couldn't hold your weight against a group of tough kids?!"

"Back off, miner girl," Armorouge fired back.

"Tell Eduardo this ain't over yet," Grunweld chimed in.

"Ooh, not very friendly," Goombella retorted.

"Don't-a bother, Goombella," Mario said. "They're not-a worth our time-a right-a now."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," she said, approaching her teammates. "So what do you guys want to do?"

Before anyone could respond, however, Mario's Mailbox SP began emitting a ringtone. This one was a different ringtone than before - now it sounded like the Ice Land world map music from _Super Mario Bros_. _3_.

"Mamma-mia, I seem-a to have gotten a message," Mario said. He opened it up and peered at the message he received.

"What's it say?" asked Koops.

"Ooh, a very strange-a message," said Mario, reading it. "Seems-a whoever sent this knows about-a the Crystal Star."

"Why? What's it say?" inquired Goombella.

Mario held the Mailbox SP over to his teammates so that they could read it.

"Hmm…" Koops read. "'CrYsTaL sTaR oN cHaMp'S bElT iS fAkE. iF yOu WaNt ThE rEaL cRyStAl StAr, HeEd My InStRuCtIoNs. FrOm X.' WHAT?! The Star on Rawk Hawk's belt is a fake?!"

"Seriously? It's a fake?!" asked Goombella, surprised. "And who's this X person?"

"Do you think Double-D and the others know?" Koops inquired.

"Sacre-bleu, zut alors," Flurrie mumbled. "Zen where is ze real Crystal Star?"

"First of all, should we even trust this X person?" inquired Koops. "If what he or she said is true, then we're fighting for a red herring, a simple star-shaped belt buckle!"

"As-a shady as this character sounds, it-a seems-a like we have-a no choice but to trust-a this mysterious source," Mario said. "Whoever he or she is, this X is our only lead-a."

"Madame trusts mon petit Mario's judgment," said Flurrie, smiling. "Vous would never steer us wrong."

"I guess you're right," said Koops.

"After all, we need that Crystal Star," said Goombella.

"All righty then, it's-a settled," said Mario. "We'll let-a this X guide us."

"Guess for now, we should wait until he or she decides to contact us again," said Goombella. "In the meantime, we got some time to kill before our next match. You guys want to do anything?"

"Madame shall partake in some fresh juice," said Flurrie.

"I could-a go for a drink as-a well," said Mario.

"I'm gonna swing by Eddy's souvenir stand," said Goombella.

"Really?" said Koops.

"Yeah," Goombella laughed. "Even if he's not directly part of this mystery, it's only right to clue him in on this mysterious X."

"I guess you're right," Mario mused.

"Well, I'm gonna hang back and maybe catch an Eduardos match or two," said Koops. "I wanna support my little buddy and his team."

"We'll-a meet up back here again in-a ten or fifteen-a minutes or so to reserve our next-a match, okey-dokey?" Mario said.

"Got it," everyone else said.

"Let's-a go!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

(About 35 minutes later)

"Congratulations, Eduardos. Your rank has now risen to 8. Here's your fight money," said Jolene, handing Edd fifteen coins. The Eduardos had just defeated the "Poker Faces," comprised of two Bristles that Nazz recognized from Shhwonk Fortress. Both teams had been led back to the major-league locker room by Jolene.

"Now, if you'll excuse me… I must be going," she continued, straightening her glasses before leaving.

"Hey, Eduardos. That was a great match," said Thistle, the lead of the Poker Faces.

"Yeah, man, we almost had ya's," added Chisel, his teammate.

"Just mind those spears, and only unleash them when absolutely needed," Edd reminded them.

"Will do, E-man, will do," Thistle confirmed.

"So guys, what now?" asked Nazz. "Anybody want to stop by the juice bar or something?"

Again, the Urban Rangers' anthem began to resound from Edd's laptop before anyone could respond.

"Another message?" inquired Jimmy.

Edd opened his laptop to read the message, and was quite surprised at what it read.

"My, my, it seems our mysterious X had the same idea as you, Nazz," he said. "This time, whoever he or she is, X is telling us to 'gO tO tHe WaTeRiNg HoLe OuTsIdE ThE gLiTz PiT."

"Eep! Is this X person spying on us?!" Jimmy demanded nervously. "'Cuz that's super creepy!"

"Obviously the 'watering hole' in question is Podler's Juice Bar in the square," Edd clarified. "That's where we went during Grubba's press conference the other day. I don't know why this X would send us there…"

"…but we might as well, Double-D," Jimmy said. "I'm parched."

"As is Rolf," added the son of a shepherd.

"Well, all right," said Edd, closing his laptop. "Let's go, then, shall we?"

He, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior left the locker room, following the tip from the mysterious X, and made their way to the juice bar. When they arrived in the lobby, however, Nazz took a look at the ranking monitor and noticed something odd.

"Hey guys, hold up," she said, stopping everyone as she examined the ranking. "Come here for a second and check this out."

The others joined Nazz at the monitor, and it didn't take long for Edd to realize what she was talking about.

"Like, correct me if I'm wrong, but it says the lowest ranking team is at number 20," she explained. "Shouldn't it be at 21?"

"Oh, my, you're right, Nazz!" said Edd. "Look, fellows! It seems Bandy Andy and King K were removed from the fight roster."

"Really?" said Jimmy.

"Can this be true?" Rolf repeated.

"Yes! See for yourselves!" said Edd. He and Nazz stepped aside so that Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior could see. Sure enough, the ranking for the KP Koopas and the Hand-It-Overs were no longer on the fight roster, their spots now filled by the Wings of Night (consisting of Sir Swoop and his team of Swoops) and The Destructors, the latter consisting of five disc-like creatures that they had bypassed in Rogueport Sewers. Two of them were shown to have spikes on their "heads."

"Well, Bandy Andy probably gave up after his whole team lost to us," said Jimmy, raising an eyebrow. "But… King K?"

"I think I heard this King K guy mention something about retirin' from the place," Eduardo chimed in. "Y'know, when I was still inside that egg."

"Well, that's still rather suspicious, Eduardo," said Edd. "King K said before that he'd look for Andy at six o'clock this morning. Even if Andy were to be found, I'm sure the retirement process would not go so quickly. He'd probably have to sign more than enough paperwork."

"The irony is not lost on Rolf," Rolf chimed in. "He-who-suspects goes to investigate the whereabouts of his absent band of warriors, only to become absent himself."

"I agree, this is not good," Edd confirmed. "However, we'll worry about them another time. Right now, we need to go to the juice bar, per X."

With a nod, the Eduardos exited the lobby and passed through the main square en route to the juice bar.

XXX000XXX000XXX

The Eduardos arrived at the juice bar, out of breath from running quickly. The customers that were inside at the time included the Lakitu that frequented Eddy's souvenir stand, as well as a young man who seemed to resemble Ishnail back in Rogueport; and a reptilian-like creature dressed like a combination of Elvis Presley and James Brown, albeit with blue skin and a purple afro. However, the Eduardos were first noticed by the owner, Podler, a man in his 60s who appeared identical to Podley but with a lighter tint of green in his beanish skin.

"Hello there!" he greeted them.

"Hello, Mr. Podler… it's nice to… see you again," Jimmy greeted back, trying to catch his breath.

"Likewise, young man," Podler said, beaming. "What can I do for you lot?"

"Yes, um… we were… sent here… by one who… only goes by X," Edd replied, gasping for breath. "Oh, dear… I think… I've lost about one and a half pounds in this scene."

"X, you say?" Podler said, raising an eyebrow. "Ah, yes, of course! Then you must be Eduardo!"

"That's us, all right!" Eduardo Junior piped up.

"I meant Eduardo Senior," Podler elaborated, eliciting a sour look from Junior. "Yes, that's the beanie-wearing lad I've been waiting for!"

"So X was here?" Edd asked.

"Yes, but it seems you're a bit late. You just missed him… or was it a her? I never saw the person's face; whoever it was seemed to be in and out in a hurry," Podler explained. "But whoever it was left this package by the door a bit ago, with a note. It read, 'Look for a young man in a reddish-orange T-shirt and a black beanie with white stripes who answers to the name Eduardo, and give him this. From X.' I believe the note was referring to… this."

Immediately, Podler held up a fairly large wrapped package addressed "To Eduardo, from X."

"Hmmm… I wonder what this could be?" Edd mused, taking the package in hand and unwrapping it. When he finished, he and his teammates were amazed.

"It's a hammer!" Nazz chimed in.

Edd was now holding a hammer in his hands. This hammer appeared similar to Mario's own wooden hammer, except this hammer's head appeared to be made of stone – specifically obsidian – and as such, it seemed stronger and more durable.

"That, young man, is a HammaWhack 3000, version 2.0," Podler explained. "Also commonly known as the Super Hammer. All around solid craftsmanship, good grip, high bonkability. I've seen commercials for this thing that say the hammer chooses its user, but maybe it's the other way around. They're not cheap, either, so since this X went out of their way to get this for you, he or she must be a big fan."

"This is very intriguing, indeed," said Edd. "Perhaps this hammer could be of use to us in the ring. But who should be the one to wield it?"

"I'll take it!" Jimmy immediately piped up, raising his hand. "I need something stronger than this staff that I swiped from that Xavier meanie in the Boggly Tree."

"All right, then," said Edd, handing the hammer to Jimmy. The pale boy brought out the X-Naut staff and gave it to Edd in exchange for the Super Hammer.

"In that case, I'll take the staff," said Nazz. "That way I got something to back up my MMA skills."

Edd obliged and handed the staff to Nazz so that she now had a weapon.

"Listen up, young feller," said Podler, facing Jimmy. "This hammer allows you to perform a new technique."

"Really?" said Jimmy.

"Oh, yes," said Podler. "You can perform a mighty side swing with this hammer. To do so, you need only wind yourself up as though you're about to swing a baseball bat, and then let that hammer swing! It's very useful in battle as well as in the field – in the field, you can use that technique to bust down large yellow blocks. Much like in the original game."

Jimmy raised a confused eyebrow at the "original game" fourth-wall break, while Podler's mentioning of large yellow blocks caused Edd to remember their first trip through Rogueport Sewers, when Mario had smashed a smaller yellow block to expose a hidden passageway that led deeper into the ancient sewers. He snapped back into reality when the Urban Rangers anthem emanated once more from his laptop.

"Whoa, another message?" Junior inquired.

"What is it this time?" Nazz asked.

Edd opened his laptop to bring it out of sleep mode.

"It's from X," he said, letting out an exasperated sigh in regard to X's poor capitalization. He then read the message out loud:

"SmAsH tHe BlOcKaDe In ThE mInOr-LeAgUe LoCkEr RoOm. FrOm X."

"Oh yeah!" Jimmy piped up, balancing himself on his new weapon. "I forgot to mention this before, but I saw a large yellow block thingie in there. Might be hiding something."

"Let's investigate, shall we?" said Edd. He typed and sent his response to X: "On our way there now. Thank you for the gift; it should be most helpful. From Eduardo."

 **End of Part Seven**


	24. 3-8: The Paper, The Grudge, The Warning

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 8: The Paper, The Grudge, The Warning**

The Eduardos had returned to the Glitz Pit after picking up X's mysterious gift: a Super Hammer, which was claimed by Jimmy, while Nazz inherited the X-Naut staff for combat. Acting on another tip from X, they were now instructed to return to the minor-league locker room to smash a large blockade using said hammer. The security guards, including Abrams, were standing out in front of each of the doors in the hallway.

"How are we going to get past that security guy?" Jimmy whispered. "It's not like he'll just let us through."

Fortunately for the Eduardos, as if on cue, Jolene entered the hallway and approached Abrams. The Eduardos hung back a bit so they could listen in.

"Mr. Abrams? I require your assistance," she said to him.

"Of course, Miss Jolene," Abrams replied.

"I need you to check on something with me," Jolene explained. "It's in the storage room. Grubba's orders."

"Of course, right away, Miss Jolene," replied Abrams. He and Jolene then walked away from the door leading into the minor-league room, leaving it unguarded.

"Okay, now!" Nazz whispered. With her leading the way, the band of five returned to their old stomping grounds in the minor-league locker room, reuniting with Master Crash, as well as the Armored Harriers. In King K's place was Sir Swoop of the Wings of Night, who appeared to be slightly intimidated.

"Hey!" Crash immediately greeted. "If it ain't BOMB Eduardo and his BOMB squad!"

"What are YOU nimrods doin' back?" Armorouge spat at Edd sourly.

"None of your business, jerks," Nazz fired back.

"Say, where's Mario and his team?" Edd inquired. The absence of Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie did not go unnoticed by him.

"Mario? Oh, you mean Gonzales?" Crash replied. "He and his BOMB squad are out in the BOMB ring. It won't be long BOMB before they get into the BOMB major leagues too."

"Thank you, then, for the update," Edd said to Crash before turning to face Jimmy.

"There's the big block thing," said Jimmy, pointing to a large yellow block with eyes in the far corner of the room, adjacent to the door leading to the minor-league bunks. This block was large enough that it even towered over Rolf, who was the tallest member of Edd's team.

"Excellent, Jimmy. You know what to do, then, I take it?" Edd said.

"Yup!" Jimmy exclaimed, readying his hammer.

He twisted his small body just enough to build up power, then swung the hammer at the blockade with all his might, shattering it into pieces and revealing a new chamber as part of the room.

"And that's how you do it," Jimmy said, rather smugly, as he put the hammer away.

Upon entering, the Eduardos were surprised to see that it looked like an old office, complete with a stocked bookshelf and a computer station. The computer looked old and without function, as the monitor was cracked. Edd, however, found a single paper on the floor.

"Egads," he grumbled. "Messy, messy, messy. They really must clean the place, lest they be charged with littering." He bent down and picked up the paper to examine it.

His eyes widened as he examined what was written and drawn on it. It appeared to be rather dubious.

"Double-D? Like, what's up, dude? What's it say?" Nazz asked.

"Oh, my… this is intriguing, if not disturbing," Edd said, using his magnifying glass to examine the paper. "It appears to be a blueprint of some sort. Let's see… given the images shown on this paper, it seems that there is a… oh, my… a machine of some sort that's powered by a Crystal Star!"

"What?" Eduardo gasped. "Crystal Star? Who'd be investigating that thing besides us? They even took pictures! Man, if it were me, I wouldn't leave something that important just lyin' around! This just _reeks_ of funny business!"

"Most puzzling, indeed," said Edd.

"Excuse me? Eduardos? What are you doing in here?" said a voice behind them. The Eduardos jumped and whirled around to find Jolene in front of the door to the bunks, staring at the five teammates condescendingly.

"M-M-Miss Jolene? H-how long h-have you been s-s-standing there?" Edd stammered nervously.

"I just walked in now, Mr. Eduardo," she said. "This is the minor-league room, you remember. Major-league fighters are _verboten_ from being in here. Even if they weren't, I don't think it's appropriate to be knocking down our walls, _hmmmmmm_? And what's that paper in your hand?"

Jolene approached Edd, who was still clutching the mysterious blueprint in his hand.

"I-I-It's nothing," Edd stammered. "N-n-nothing at all…"

"I'll just be confiscating _this_ , thank you very much," she remarked snidely, taking the dubious paper from Edd's hand. "Now please return to the major-league room. If I catch you like this again, I'll likely have no other option but to penalize the five of you. Now go on, get out of here."

Adjusting her glasses, Jolene stepped out of the room, muttering exasperatedly to herself.

"Oh, just perfect!" Eduardo grumbled. "Whatever was on that paper could've been our only major clue about the Crystal Star!"

"Either way, Miss Jolene's right," said Edd. "We should return to the major-league room and reserve our next match. Call it a hunch, but the higher we rise in the ranking, the greater the chances we have of finding this elusive Crystal Star. Let's go, shall we?"

Edd and his teammates exchanged an approving, focused nod before leaving the minor-league room.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Mario! Goombella! Koops! Madame Flurrie! Congratulations on making it to the major leagues!"

Having bested their tenth-ranked opponent, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie had finally made it to the major leagues themselves, and were being congratulated by Edd and his team.

"It's-a me!" Mario proclaimed proudly.

"Oui, Madame is proud to proclaim zat we are, 'ow vous say, ze major-leaguers," Flurrie added.

"Yup, we're all together again, in a manner of speaking," Koops concurred, high-fiving Jimmy.

"And now that we are all together once more, I need to speak with you, Mario," said Edd. "It's about this… anonymous contact that my team and I have had."

"Wait, are you talking about X?" Goombella asked. "Yeah, we heard from this person, too. Whoever he or she is, doesn't sound all that trustworthy."

"We have also expressed our reservations over this X's trustworthiness, as well," Edd elaborated. "But for now, at least, we have no other option, since this X happens to be our only lead."

"So you guys know that the Crystal Star on Rawk Hawk's belt is a fake, right?" asked Koops.

"Of course. It was Eduardo Junior who deduced this," said Edd.

"Yeah, Rawk was in here earlier," said Junior. "He thinks that we said that the entire belt itself was fake."

"Mamma-mia, this is-a bigger than we thought," Mario mused.

"Well, in order to prevent any sort of panic, we have to keep working our way up the ranks," said Edd. "So, I propose that we alternate our detective work. Mario, when my team and I are in the ring, you and your team will continue the investigation; and while you and your team are in the ring, my team and I will pick up the case. This way, we can cover more ground a bit more quickly."

"Sounds-a like a plan, Double-D," said Mario.

"You guys reserve your match," Koops said to Edd. "We'll continue investigating X's tips."

"Very well, then. Good luck to all of us," said Edd. He approached the monitor and pressed the button to call Grubba.

"Well, boy howdy, Eduardo!?" he asked. "Man, y'all been risin' faster than the sun on a good day!"

"Interesting analogy," Edd mused.

"Let's see here," Grubba continued. "Yer next opponents'll be, ranked 7th in the Glitz Pit… the Shell Shockers! All right, fer this bout, I want y'all to end the bout within three turns. We don't want this goin' on forever. Now git out there 'n show us what yer workin' wit!" With that, both parties logged off the monitor.

"Shell Shockers, huh? That'd be me and my crew," said the blue-shelled King K lookalike, approaching Edd with a rather moody fervor. "The name's Shellshock."

"That's what Eddy called me," said Koops.

"I wasn't talking to you, green-shell," Shellshock fired back at the teenaged Koopa before facing Edd.

"Well, good luck to you and your team," Edd said, holding out his hand for a handshake. Shellshock shook his hand without responding verbally.

"Yeah, good luck out there, guys," Goombella said to Edd and his team.

"Thank you, Goombella," Edd replied.

"I'll be back," said Shellshock. "I gotta let my crew at the souvenir stand know that we're up next."

With that, the blue-shelled, dark-skinned King K lookalike left the locker room to fetch his teammates at Eddy's souvenir stand.

"We'll wait for X to contact us before we do anything," said Goombella to her team.

"Agreed," they responded collectively.

Before long, the door opened, and Jenson, the security officer for the major-league lockers, walked in.

"Eduardos! Match time," he said. "Follow me."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"WELL, HOOOOOOW-DAY, GLITZVILLE! We got us a good 'un right here, lemme tell y'all now!"

Grubba was addressing the large crowd as they cheered raucously. The Extreme Eduardos and the Shell Shockers entered the ring from both sides, their close-ups featured on the opposing jumbotron screens on either side of the chamber. The Shell Shockers consisted of their leader, Shellshock, and his teammates: Collarshock, a Shady Koopa just like his captain, and Parashock, the lone winged Shady Paratroopa.

"Right now, we got them Reckless Juvies, the EXTREME EDUARDOS, and the Turtles of Hurtle, the SHELL SHOCKERS!"

"The so-called Extreme Eduardos! Don't think we'll take it easy on y'all!" Shellshock spat.

"All right!" Grubba shouted. "Git yerselves ready to BATTLE!" The bell rang.

"Attention, team! We have three turns, and we have three opponents. Remember, take them out one per turn!" Edd explained.

"Right!" came the collective yell of his teammates.

Edd made his move first; he ran up to Shellshock and performed a leap, striking the lead Shady Koopa with his rod as he landed. The force proved enough to knock Shellshock onto his back.

"He's been immobilized!" Edd said to his team about Shellshock. "Change of plans – do the same with the other two!"

"Right!" came the collective team response.

Rolf, the next in line, dashed up to Collarshock and swung his bag, striking his opponent and sending him onto his back as well.

"My turn!" said Nazz.

She thrust the X-Naut staff onto the ground and pole-vaulted herself at Parashock, landing on him with enough force to detach his wings and send him to the ground; as Rolf caught the falling staff in his hand, the spunky blonde performed a back-tuck off of him afterwards and landed squarely on her feet, after which Rolf returned the staff to her. Now it was Jimmy's move. He brandished his new Super Hammer and dashed over to Parashock, swinging the hammer down and striking his shell, flattening his opponent onto the mat. Finally, Eduardo Junior made his move and performed a ground pound on Shellshock, enough to kick him out of the fight.

"So now that they're down on the floor, they can't attack us, right?" asked Jimmy.

Edd looked over at the Shell Shockers and got (well) a shock – Jimmy had misspoken: Collarshock and Parashock were now spinning in place, charging up a surprise attack, as was seen with Koops back at Hooktail's castle.

"What in any world?" he gasped. As the Shell Shockers kept spinning, they kicked up thick clouds of dust, obscuring the Eduardos' view of them, something not seen with Koops. Eventually Edd managed to get a visual, albeit barely.

"Brace yourselves!" he told his teammates.

Collarshock launched himself at the Eduardos, but as they braced themselves, they didn't take too much damage, but it was enough to send at least Jimmy and Nazz to the ground. Parashock followed suit, and launched himself at the Eduardos in a way that he bounced off of them like pinball bumpers, sending them all to the ground. The Eduardos managed to stand up, though they were sore and bruised from this impact.

"How could you possibly still move after that?" Edd shouted.

"Because we trained ourselves for years," Collarshock fired back. "Now we can launch at you while upside down inside our shells."

"Yeah, you've just sealed your own doom," Parashock added.

"So now what, guys?!" Junior called.

"What else? We finish them off!" Edd called. "Jimmy! With me!"

Catching on almost immediately, Jimmy gave Edd a nod and readied his hammer while the sock-headed boy readied his rod. Armed and ready, the two boys charged at Collarshock, who was still on the ground upside down. While they could still launch themselves, they were rendered rather defenseless in their tipped-up state. With that knowledge, Edd slammed his rod on Collarshock's abdomen, knocking the wind out of him, while Jimmy swung his hammer at the Shady Koopa like a golf putter, sending him clear out of the ring, where he joined Shellshock out of bounds. Nazz followed up with a swing from her X-Naut staff, knocking Parashock out of the battle.

"All righty! We got ourselves some winners here, the EXTREME EDUARDOS!" Grubba proclaimed to loud cheers and applause.

"Yeah! How's that floor taste?!" Eduardo Junior taunted.

The Eduardos, though left weak and still sore from the fight, celebrated their recent victory, when suddenly, the doors from the lobby suddenly opened with a loud bang, as though they were kicked in.

" **EDUARDO**!"

"Hoo-boy, what's this now?" Grubba asked.

The Armored Harriers, Armorouge and Grunweld, burst into the arena and jumped into the ring, just as Shellshock was starting to recover.

"What's… going on?" he asked Collarshock.

"Whoa, Nellie! I don't believe my eyes, folks!" Grubba shouted. "The Iron Adonis Twins are in a rage!"

"Who invited you?!" Nazz spat at them.

"Yeah, you gotta reserve a match first!" Shellshock called from outside as he managed to stand back up, helping his teammates back onto their feet.

"Eduardo! Y'all made us look like suckers the other day!" Armorouge shouted. "And now you'll pay!"

"What's the matter? All tired out from this last fight? TOO BAD!" Grunweld taunted.

"Rolf shall not let these harstimers harm his friends!" Rolf shouted. As Armorouge charged, and before Edd could act, the son of a shepherd threw himself in between Edd and the red-footed harrier to take the blow himself. As a result, Rolf fell to the floor in pain.

"ROLF!" shouted the kids. Edd rushed to Rolf's side and knelt town, but the son of a shepherd remained unresponsive.

"Well, if that's how you want to play it!" Edd fired back.

"Good! Now we can show everyone what frauds y'all really are!" Armorouge shouted.

The red-footed harrier charged at Edd, who quickly whipped up a flame-shield to deflect the blow, which proved successful. As this occurred, however, Grunweld had already begun charging, and he didn't give Edd a chance to summon another flame-shield. The charge struck Edd with enough force to send him to the ground. As Edd found himself losing consciousness, the last things he saw were Nazz and Jimmy defending themselves as Eduardo Junior gobbled Armorouge and spat him back onto Grunweld… while the audience jeered and booed the harriers.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Is he okay?" came Jimmy's voice. Edd began to stir as he slowly regained consciousness.

"He seems fine. He's in one piece, like Rolf," came Koops's voice.

"But did you see how bad that blow was?" came Nazz's voice. "He took it worse than Rolf did."

Edd slowly came to and realized he was back in the major-league bunks, next to Rolf, who had awoken earlier. Both were rubbing their heads as their team and Mario's team surrounded them.

"He's awake!" said Goombella. Seeing this, Nazz immediately embraced Edd.

"Easy there-a, Nazz, he might-a still be sore," Mario cautioned her.

"I'm alive and in one piece, that's all that matters, fellows," Edd said. "What happened to me?"

"That Grunweld gave you a nasty blow to your head," Koops explained.

"Alzough vous shall be well, right, n'est-ce pas?" Flurrie said.

"I should be fine. Thank you all for your concern," said Edd as he turned to face Rolf. "Rolf? Are you well?"

"Rolf has endured worse. The son of a shepherd shall not fall so easily, Ed-boy," Rolf reassured.

"C'est un soulagement," Flurrie sighed.

"Yeah, you guys gave us a real scare," Goombella chimed in.

"So what happened after Rolf and I passed out?" Edd inquired.

"It was down to me, Nazz, and Jimmy," Junior explained. "I took 'em on, though. I did what I did the last time – gobbled up Red-foot and spat him out onto Green-boots."

"Needless to say, Grubba wasn't too thrilled," said Koops. "He dragged them into his office after that. Seems to me like they might be expelled from the Pit."

As Edd sat up, his laptop began whistling the Urban Rangers anthem again.

"Whoa! Another message?" Junior yelped.

"It would seem so," said Edd, opening his laptop. He checked the message and shuddered. "Oh, my…"

"Double-D? What's wrong? Is it from X?" Nazz asked.

"Not this time. It's anonymous. It also appears to be a threat," Edd explained. "It says, 'Keep sticking your nose where it doesn't belong and you are D-E-A-D M-E-A-T.'"

"What? Who is that? Why would someone threaten us?" Jimmy quavered.

"I'm not sure, but if this is about the Crystal Star, then I can bet that this anonymous adversary does not want us to succeed," Edd explained.

"So… what now?" Nazz asked.

"Well, I'm not going to sit by and allow my wounds or any threat to deter me from our cause," Edd said, powering through his pain to stand up on his feet. "I'm going to reserve our next match."

"Are you sure about that? Don't you think you and Rolf deserve a little TLC before we jump right back in?" Jimmy asked.

"Yeah, Double-D, Jimmy's right," Koops said. "You took quite a hit."

"I'm positive," said Edd, determined. "We've all come too far to call it quits."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," said Nazz. "Mario, you guys'll follow up on X while we're in the ring, right?"

"Of-a course, Nazz," said Mario.

"Wow, Double-D, you seem to be tougher than we thought," said Jimmy. "If you're sure about this, then let's do it!"

"That's the spirit, Boy Jimmy!" Rolf exclaimed.

This time, it was the newly-fired-up Jimmy who contacted Grubba to reserve the next match.

"Well, boy-howdy, there! Y'all feelin a'ight?" Grubba said over the monitor. "I took care o' the Armored Harriers after that rude intrusion. Y'all can be they ain't gonna be causin' any more trouble."

"P-shaw, you think we're gonna let them stop us?" Jimmy laughed.

"I like yer spirit there, little scrapper!" Grubba complimented. "Lemme just see here… Yer next match'll be, ranked 6th in the Glitz Pit, the Magikoopa Masters! Now listen, fer this fight, I want y'all to use one o' them special moves at least once! People like to be amazed! Now git out there 'n show 'em what yer workin' with!"

 **End of Part Eight**


	25. 3-9: The Conspiracy Deepens

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 9: The Conspiracy Deepens**

Having conquered the Magikoopa Masters and achieved rank six, Edd and his team were currently up against the next ranked team, known as The Fuzz, who consisted of creatures known as Fuzzies that Nazz recognized from the depths of Shhwonk Fortress. Mario and his team hung back in the major-league locker room as they awaited contact from X, talking amongst themselves. Suddenly, the door opened, and Jolene walked in, carrying something on a covered tray.

"Oh, the Eduardos are already fighting in the ring?" she asked, noting the absence of Edd and his team.

"Yeah," Koops replied.

"Well, anyway, a fan sent this cake over," she explained, removing the cover on the tray and revealing a slice of golden butter cake with vanilla frosting, atop which sat a single strawberry. "Whether you want it or not is up to you."

"Well, tell this fan thanks from the Great Gonzales," said Goombella.

"I'll let them know," said Jolene. "I'll be going now." Adjusting her glasses, she left the room.

"Well, how about that, Gonzales?" said the Koopinator. "Jolene brought you a piece of cake. From a fan. I think she likes you."

"Excuse-a me?" Mario inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Pretty woman. Piece of cake," the Koopinator elaborated. "It's a sign. She's into you."

"Well, I'm hungry," said Koops. "Tell 'em I said thanks for the cake!"

"Meh, I guess a little bite wouldn't hurt," said Goombella.

The four members of the Great Gonzales each broke off a piece of the cake, with Koops bringing a slice down to Goombella so she could eat it out of his hand since she lacked arms. This cake tasted scrumptious, and the Gonzales members felt energized; and Madame Flurrie was given the strawberry, which she promptly swallowed in one gulp.

"Mm, Madame is refreshed," she sighed.

"Yeah, that was some pretty good cake," Koops said, rubbing his stomach.

Suddenly the _Super Mario Bros_. _3_ Ice Land jingle began emanating from Mario's Mailbox SP.

"Oh? We've-a got a message!" said Mario, opening his handheld device.

"Is it that X again?" Koops asked.

"Yes," said Mario. "It-a says, 'gO tO tHe TeLePhOnE bOoTh OuT oN tHe PaViLiOn.'"

"I don't think I saw a telephone booth," Koops remarked. "Madame? How about you? Have you seen any telephone booths around here?"

"Non, mon petit Monsieur Koops, Madame cannot say zat she has," Flurrie lamented.

"Eddy might know," Goombella remarked. "Maybe we can ask him?"

"Really? I don't like him," Koops said.

"Goombella's-a right," Mario said. "It might-a not hurt-a to ask-a him."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Following Goombella's suggestion, Team Gonzales exited the Glitz Pit building to visit Eddy at his souvenir stand. The line was rather long, so they had to wait. After a few minutes of waiting in line and listening to Eddy and his customers haggling prices (by this point, the Eduardos had already conquered the Fuzz), they were finally at the front of the line.

"Well, hey, if it ain't the mustache and his homeys!" Eddy greeted loudly. "What can the great Eddy-Dini do for you today?"

"Uh, guys, maybe I should be the one to talk to him," said Goombella to the others.

"Well, okay, but I still don't like him," said Koops.

"I heard that, Shellshock!" Eddy retorted.

"Yeah, there's already someone in the Glitz Pit with that name," Koops fired back. "Looks like King K but with a blue shell."

Goombella, meanwhile, hopped up onto the counter of the souvenir stand.

"Hey, Eddy," she said.

"Well, hello, there, Goomba-babe!" Eddy said, trying to sound suave.

"Yeah, hey to you too," said Goombella. "Um, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hey, sure, but make it quick. I got customers to haggle," Eddy replied.

"Is there a phone booth around here somewhere?" Goombella asked him.

"A phone booth? Why? Ya gotta make a call or something?" Eddy chuckled. "Feelin' a little homesick or something? You better not be callin' the cops!"

"Actually, I wanna call Professor Frankly and ask him about the upcoming exam on… um… ancient civilizations," Goombella said, hoping that Eddy would go for it.

"Hahaha! Forget stupid school! This is where it's at! Look at me! I'm rich! They don't teach ya how to get rich in school! Just think of all the jawbreakers I could buy with this much moolah!" Eddy laughed, gesturing to the coins he'd amassed from his souvenir sales. He stopped laughing when he saw the disapproving looks on Goombella's and her teammates' faces. "Oh, come on, what's stupid school gonna teach?"

"Do you know where the phone booth is or not?!" Goombella snapped. "This call is urgent!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell ya where it is. Jeez, you sound like Sockhead sometimes," Eddy grumbled. "It's right next to the general store, on the other side, near the guardrail. Ya gotta round a corner to see it, though."

"All right. Thank you, Eddy," said Goombella.

"Yeah, thanks," said Koops flatly.

"Let's-a go!" Mario proclaimed.

Team Gonzales thanked Eddy, albeit half-heartedly, for the tip, and left for the general store, next to which would be a phone booth. Goombella hung back a bit, however, and turned to face Eddy.

"Impressive haul ya got there," she remarked. "If only I had that much coins, then I'd more than be able to pay off my student loans."

"What can I say? I'm just that good. And hey, glad I could help with whatever it is you're doin'," Eddy said back. "Anything for a smokin' hot dame. Now go on, do your thang. I got customers."

Goombella shared a nod and a smile with Eddy before they resumed their respective tasks. She ultimately rejoined Team Gonzales outside the general store, just as Mario was about to round the corner to reach the phone booth. As he did, though, he had to stop suddenly, as he almost collided into someone who looked very familiar. She had blonde hair in a wave formation and a mushroom cap on her head, identical to the style worn by a certain Glitz Pit manager, but she was wearing a black dress and high heels instead, and she lacked eyeglasses.

"Oh, pardon me, my apologies, I didn't see you there, I gotta run," she said rather quickly before running away as fast as she could – well, as fast as high-heeled shoes would allow.

"Um… was that Jolene?" inquired Goombella.

"I'm-a not-a sure," Mario replied. "Looked-a like her."

"Who was she talking to in there?" Koops inquired.

"Madame knows not, monsieur Koops," Flurrie lamented.

Mario entered the phone booth, and almost stepped on something. Catching himself in time, he bent down and picked up the object on the floor – it looked like a key. He held it up for the others to see as he exited the phone booth.

"Monsieur Mario? Qu'est-ce que c'est? Un clé?" Flurrie inquired in flawless French.

Before Mario could respond, his Mailbox SP rang again.

"Dang, X again?!" Koops griped. "Is he watching us or something?" As he said this, he quickly looked around, as if trying to detect any hidden cameras. Mario opened his Mailbox SP and examined the message.

"Is-a correct, Koops, it's X again," the plumber confirmed. "This-a time, he's-a telling us-a to 'gO tO tHe StOrAgE rOoM nExT tO gRuBbA's OfFiCe.'"

"The storage room in the arena now? Sheesh!" Goombella groaned in exasperation. "What next, huh? This X guy's got us runnin' all over! It's driving me totally nuts! Why doesn't he bother Double-D for a change?"

Mario led Team Gonzales back into the Glitz Pit building to follow this latest tip, with Goombella chancing another smile in Eddy's direction on the way.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"So you're telling me that you have no idea who got inside? What do we pay you for?"

While Edd and his teammates were fighting their way up the ranks – currently they were matched against the third-ranked team - Mario and his teammates had re-entered the Glitz Pit and had found Jolene berating one of the security guards, Jono, for an apparent intrusion. Fortunately for them, this was the very room that X had directed them to: the storage room.

"I'm awful sorry, Miss Jolene," Jono lamented apologetically. "I heard a noise in there, but I couldn't find nothin' when I went to check…"

"Hmph… _fine_ , leave the rest of this matter to me, Jono," Jolene grumbled in frustration. "For now, return to your post. Oh, and listen to me _very carefully_ : Do not _ever_ – and I mean, _EVER_ – tell _anyone_ about this, or I'll have your job. Understand?"

"Yes, Miss Jolene," Jono moaned. His reprimand complete, the large guard sulked as he returned to his post. It was after he walked away that Jolene discovered Mario and his teammates watching, and she approached them somewhat upset.

"Mr. Gonzales! This is highly inappropriate! What business do you have here?" she demanded. "I mean, first I catch Eduardo and his team snooping around the minor-league room, then Mr. Jono claims to hear a noise but finds nothing, and now this."

"Oh, um… of-a course, you see, Signorina Jolene, it's-a just-a that-" Mario began, before Jolene held up a hand to silence him.

"That's enough," she said, a tone of disappointment in her voice. "I've already had this discussion with the Eduardos. I really must ask you to stay out of places where you have no business being. Understand?"

Team Gonzales nodded, after which Jolene walked away without saying a word. As she and Jono were both gone, this left the storage room unguarded, so Mario, using the key he had strangely found in the telephone booth, unlocked the door. Upon entering the storage room, they were greeted by a familiar sight: Ms. Mowz, the badge-loving white-furred Mouser bandit with the red bandana, was standing on a set of yellow blocks. She immediately whirled around at the sound of the door opening and closing, and smiled a sly smirk as Mario once again caught her eye.

"Oh, well, dip me in sauce 'n roll me in cheese! We meet again, you husky mustached hunk, you," she chuckled in that same Southern-belle accent.

"You again, Miss Flirt-a-lot?" Goombella snapped. "What, are you following us or something? Security heard you bungling around in here. That _was_ you, right?"

"Well, now, please, no one heard _me_! I'm the best mouse-burglar of all time!" Ms. Mowz crowed. "Y'know why? 'Cuz I'm silent! If'n y'all ask me, it's obvious that someone else was in here monkeyin' round."

Goombella blew a raspberry, as she wasn't about to buy the flirty Mouser's tall tales.

"Puh-lease! I am, like, SO sure!" she spat.

"Goombella's-a got a point," Mario said. "Apart-a from us, you're-a the only other-a one in here."

"Aw, hush, sweetie-belle. All's y'all need to know is I got what I came fer 'n now I'm-a be on my merry li'l way. As fer the rest, y'all help y'all-selves to whatever y'all like," Ms. Mowz said. She then hopped down from the boxes and approached Mario to kiss him again on the hand.

"Bleugh," Goombella groaned.

"Zis mademoiselle is trés, how vous say, trampy," Flurrie commented softly.

"I know, Madame, she's like the biggest floozy ever," Goombella whispered softly.

"Now we must part again, my handsome mustache-man," Ms. Mowz proclaimed melodramatically. "Oh, but one last li'l thang – this arena's got secrets comin' out the barn, y'know. I mean, I thought I was alone in here, y'see, but then… well, y'all should be real careful, lest y'all wanna wind up like them poor souls up yonder. And with that, au revoir, my delectable hunk o' cheese!"

Ms. Mowz left the room through the door, chuckling.

"Ugh, she is such a tramp," Goombella groaned. "Like, she has no boundaries. I swear, I'm gonna headbonk her if she doesn't watch it."

"Wait- what did she mean by 'poor souls up yonder?'" Koops asked, worried.

Once again, Mario's Mailbox SP went off before anyone could answer. Knowing the drill, Mario opened it up to read the message:

"fInD tHe StAiRcAsE sWiTcH tO rEaCh ThE aTtIc. FrOm X."

"'The staircase switch?' Like, what, there's supposed to be a staircase in here?" Goombella inquired.

"It would-a seem so," Mario replied. "Perhaps it's-a somewhere inside or-a behind these-a boxes. Let's-a find out, shall we?"

Mario began hammering the blocks, breaking them one-by-one. After all of the blocks were smashed, he discovered a blue floor switch in the corner, beneath one of the ventilation shafts. He hammered the switch to activate it, and as a result, a metal semi-spiral staircase was lowered into the room.

"Jackpot," said Goombella.

The portly plumber and his teammates climbed the stairs to reach the attic on the second floor. The attic was strewn with wooden boxes for storage, and there was a locked door that almost directly faced the top of the stairs. Mario discovered a series of three floating boxes depicting Shine Sprites like the ones found in the armory at Hooktail's castle, and jumped to strike them from beneath, procuring three Shine Sprites. As he pocketed them, Koops examined the locked door… and almost fell backwards in shock with a yelp, causing everyone else to whirl around and face his direction.

"What is it?" Goombella asked worriedly, seeing this.

"Th-th-th-there's… someone… or s-s-something in there," he stammered fearfully, pointing at the door.

"Are you sure?" Goombella asked.

"M-Ms. Mowz mentioned 'poor souls up yonder,' right?" he replied. "Listen."

Goombella and Koops pressed their ears against the door, and sure enough, they could make out the faint sound of moaning and groaning, suggesting high fatigue and a grueling lack of energy.

"Oh, my… h-h-hello?" Goombella called nervously. "Wh-Who's in there?"

The response she got for this question was more moaning and groaning. It seemed a bit louder this time, implying that whoever was inside was close to the door on his/her/their end. The door was locked, however; and as they didn't have the right key to unlock it, there was nothing they could do for now.

Mario, on the other hand, discovered a grating in the floor behind a series of larger blocks.

"Everyone! Come-a here for a bit!" he called.

"What's up?" Goombella asked, as she, Koops, and Flurrie approached the portly plumber.

"I wonder if-a we can use-a this to our advantage," Mario said, noting the grating on the floor. "It-a goes into the vent-a system. Perhaps-a we can snoop around in-a there undetected, so that-a nobody catches us, least of all Signorina Jolene."

"Really?" Goombella complained. "An air vent? It's gotta be, like, all kinds of dusty and stuff, and full of spiders or something."

"Come-a now, Goombella," Mario said. "Do you want-a to solve this mystery as-a badly as-a we do?"

"Sure, but-"

"You and-a Koops are-a the only ones-a small enough-a to fit without-a getting stuck," Mario explained. "And it-a seems that-a this vent-a connects-a to Grubba's office. So the two of-a you will-a enter the vent and-a eaves-a-drop, and-a maybe pick up some-a more clues."

"Oh… fine," Goombella said. "At least I'm not doin' this by myself."

"But what shall we do in ze meantime, Monsieur Mario?" Flurrie said.

"We shall-a wait-a for them-a to come back, Madame," Mario explained.

"Ready for this, Goombella?" Koops asked, facing the young Goomba scholar.

"As I'll ever be," she groaned.

"Be careful, guys," Mario said.

With that, Mario loosened the grating's hold on the floor and pulled it up to open the vents, allowing Goombella and Koops to hop into the vent while he and Flurrie made their way back to the major-league locker room.

"Man, this is so crazy," Goombella groaned as she and Koops traversed the vent. The air was rather dusty, and Koops had to brush off a few cobwebs.

"Tell me about it," Koops concurred. "We're in way over our heads here."

Koops and Goombella continued onward, approaching a single hole in the floor of the vent, which was placed near a second grating – this one a vertical-bar grating. Suddenly, Koops stopped and raised a hand to signal Goombella to stop moving.

"Wait- you hear that?" he whispered.

"Hear what?" she whispered back.

"Shh! Come here and listen!" he responded softly, waving her over.

Goombella cautiously joined Koops over by the hole. She lay down on her side, while the teenaged Koopa lay on his front, and they pressed their ears against the vent floor to better hear the voices coming from beneath.

"So ya didn't find hide or hair o' no one in the storeroom, that what yer sayin', Dollface?" came Grubba's ever-gruff voice.

"Is… is that Grubba?" Koops whispered softly.

"That's correct, sir," came Jolene's voice in reply to Grubba's question. "It seemed to be secure, from what I understand."

"That sounds like Jolene!" Goombella whispered softly to Koops.

"Don't worry, sir, I've taken the necessary precautions," Jolene continued. "If anything, it was probably just a rat or something."

At this remark, Koops and Goombella shared a knowing smirk, since Ms. Mowz was in the storeroom earlier.

"Well, no big deal either way," Grubba said. "Ain't nuttin' in there we'd miss too much anywho. Thanks fer stayin' on top o' things, Jo."

"Of course, sir," Jolene replied.

"Oh, 'n by the by," Grubba continued. "Any word on that King K?"

The mention of King K's name elicited surprised expressions from Goombella and Koops as they eavesdropped from their vantage point.

"Well, I'm afraid we still don't know the current whereabouts of King K, Mr. Grubba," Jolene replied. "And so, per regulations, I've removed his place in our roster. As of this morning, the Glitz Pit no longer has any official connection to KP Pete, aka King K. I have, of course, taken the same steps with all fighters who've gone missing."

"Hoo, boy, I say, fighters've been goin' missin' a lot lately. That's the fifth this year!" Grubba said disappointedly, as Koops and Goombella continued to listen in shock. "What in tarnation's goin' on here? I even heard some security ijit sayin' the Pit's cursed!"

"I don't believe _that_ , sir, but these disappearances are perplexing, even to me," Jolene commented.

"Well, fer the time bein', just tell the other fellers that King K went on home fer a spell," Grubba stated. "Word gits out 'bout missin' fighters, sure ain't gon' be good fer business, no sirree Bob. Nasty rumors got a way o' sendin' folks runnin' fer the hills, know what I'm sayin'?"

"I understand completely, Mr. Grubba. I'll take care of everything, sir," Jolene responded. She adjusted her glasses and turned to leave.

"Y'know, Jolene," Grubba suddenly piped up, stopping her in her tracks. "Yer a dang fine manager, but ya just plumb disappear sometimes… I gotta know, where in the world do ya go, darlin'?"

"Uh… th-that's… While I do respect you as my boss, really, I don't believe that's any of your business, Mr. Grubba," Jolene stammered, miffed.

"Whoa, easy, now, didn't mean to pry," Grubba said. "How 'bout this, then – heard o' the Crystal Star?"

Jolene jumped in shock at the mere mention of this artifact; at the same time, Goombella and Koops had to fight the urge to shout and jump themselves. So Grubba knew about the Crystal Star? How did he know about it? Was he the one keeping it? Was he using it for anything? The Goomba scholar and the teenaged Koopa had these questions swimming in their minds as this can of worms was opened.

"N-N-No! I-I've n-never heard o-of such a-a thing, Mr. Grubba," Jolene stammered, desperately trying to save face and avert suspicion.

"Okeydoke, then, I 'perciate yer time, Miss Jolene," said Grubba. "Y'all go 'head 'n run along now, y'hear?"

With this, Jolene left the room nervously, nearly bumping into the door on the way out. Grubba leaned back in his chair, still unaware that Koops and Goombella were still eavesdropping above him, both shocked at the new clues that now seemed to point to the promoter and the manager as suspects.

"Well, if this ain't a fine how-do-ya-do. Seems good fighters're a dyin' breed these days," the promoter said to no one but himself. "Seems that wild child Eduardo 'n his li'l scrappers're just 'bout the only draw I still got 'round here. Well, them 'n Gonzales 'n his squad."

"Psst! Koops! Are you hearing this?" Goombella whispered from inside the vent. "This whole 'missing-fighter' case just reeks of funny business!"

"And here we were thinking King K actually retired and went back home," Koops whispered back.

Most unfortunately, he was a bit too loud: Grubba looked up from where he was sitting.

"What in the hey?" he gasped, startled. "Dang ceilin's spookin' me!"

"Real smooth," Goombella whispered disappointedly to Koops, who now had his hand over his mouth.

"HEY!" Grubba shouted. "Who's up there in the ceilin' now?!"

Goombella and Koops had to think fast, otherwise they'd be discovered and penalized. Quickly, Koops began tapping his chin, struggling to think of a response to Grubba's shout.

"Squeak Squeak!" Goombella suddenly emitted. She and Koops followed this up by imitating the flapping of wings using their mouths, simulating bats flying around.

"Dang it all, I seem to have bats in me ceilin'," Grubba said to himself. "Dunno how they got in there in the first place, but silly me, thinkin' someone was up there a-peepin'! I gotta relax me some, maybe take some yoga classes or summat… yup. Welp, gotta git while the gittin's good!"

Goombella and Koops listened as Grubba got up from the chair with a small grunt and left his desk. They heard a door open and close – Grubba had left his office.

"Phew, that was close," Goombella sighed, slightly louder now that there was no one else around. "You really should be more careful with your vocal volume, Koops."

"Yeah, my bad about that," Koops said.

"All right, let's paper ourselves through this vent grate," Goombella suggested.

"Good call," the teenaged Koopa concurred.

Koops and the Goomba scholar closed their eyes and imagined themselves as paper once more. With a poof, they both went paper-thin and slid through the vent grating, landing back inside the storeroom before returning to normal just as Mario and Madame Flurrie had begun to make their way back from the attic.

"I mean, did you catch how Grubba just came out of left field with that Crystal Star bit?" Goombella inquired.

"Yeah, and the weird way Jolene was acting when he did," Koops added. "Like you said, she might know something we don't."

"Monsieur Koops! Mademoiselle Goombella! What have vous found out, alors?" Flurrie asked upon seeing them.

"You're not gonna believe this, but here it is – Grubba knows about the Crystal Star!" Koops immediately replied.

"Mamma-mia, what?!" Mario inquired.

"Well, we found a hole in the vent that peeked into Grubba's office, like Mario said, and we managed to listen in on Grubba and Jolene-" Koops began.

"Um, perhaps we should wait until we can catch Double-D and his team so we can fill them in," Goombella cautioned. "Let's get out of here, guys."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"So Grubba knows about the Crystal Star, too?" Edd asked. The Eduardos and the Gonzales squad reunited in the major-league locker room, where Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior were now being informed of the new clues uncovered during the Gonzales squad's share of the investigation.

"Yeah, he came out of nowhere with that," Goombella explained. "Caught Jolene completely by surprise."

"The way she tried to cover it up has me thinking she knows a little too much," said Koops.

"And-a there's-a more," Mario piped up. "When-a we were-a following X's-a tip to the telephone-a booth near the general store, we bumped into someone-a who looked a lot-a like-a Jolene, except in a black-a dress."

"Et no spectacles," Flurrie added.

"Jolene? Really?" Nazz inquired. "Do you think she might be X?"

"We're not sure," Koops replied. "As shady as she is, she doesn't strike me as the type. She's too pragmatic."

Suddenly the Urban Rangers anthem and the _Super Mario Bros_. _3_ Ice Land map jingle emanated from Edd's laptop and Mario's Mailbox SP at the same time. Taking the cue, Edd and Mario both opened their respective devices. Edd shuddered when he saw what was written, while Mario let out a simple "Mamma-mia."

"Is it X?" Jimmy asked.

"No, Jimmy, it's another anonymous-a threat," Mario replied.

Edd read the message out loud:

"'This is your last warning! Stop snooping around about the Crystal Star! If you don't, you're guaranteed to go missing, just like those fighters before you…' Oh, dear…"

"Man, what's this guy's problem? He really needs to take a chill pill," Junior groaned. "Sure knows a lot, though… the Crystal Star, the missing fighters, all that stuff…"

"Perhaps once we deduce the identities of this X and the anonymous bully, we may have the answers we need," Edd explained. "Oh, Mario, perhaps you and your team should resume fighting your way up the ranks as well, to keep the staff from getting too suspicious."

"Let us visit the day-late-and-a-dollar-short Ed-boy, friends," Rolf said.

"Perhaps you're right, Rolf. We've already managed to fight our way to rank number one, and it's getting late," Edd agreed. "We'll pay a visit to Eddy, and then we need to rest for the title match tomorrow morning. Then afterwards, we can solve the mystery of the missing fighters and the Crystal Star and finally put it to rest. Shall we, then?"

XXX000XXX000XXX

After a day of Edd and his team fighting their way up the ranks while Mario and his team investigated tips from X (and vice versa), the Eduardos had decided to visit Eddy at his souvenir stand while the Gonzales squad resumed their own quest up the ranks. Edd had just finished explaining the events of the day to Eddy.

"Man, sounds like you got it rough," Eddy remarked. "Say, uh, where's that Mario guy and his homeys?"

"Well, Mario and his 'homeys' are still inside the Glitz Pit," Edd replied. "They've resumed fighting in the ring after spending much of the day investigating the mysteries of the Pit, going off of tips received from one only known as X."

"Sweet, give that Goombella babe my regards," Eddy chuckled. "Oh, by the way, I missed all the action. How far up are ya's?"

"Rank number one, baby!" Nazz said proudly.

"Sweet!" Eddy exclaimed. "That means you qualify for the title match!"

"Yes, Rolf feels that besting he-who-squawks and obtaining the title of champion shall bring us closer to the Crystal Star, yes?" Rolf quipped.

"It's about time, too, dude," said Nazz. "I hope tomorrow we can beat Rawk Hawk, get the Crystal Star, and leave."

"Lucky you," Eddy grumbled. "At least you're not bound by a stupid contract."

"Well, technically, as fighters, we are-" Edd began, before Eddy interrupted him.

"I mean, I've got no help around here! Business is crazy, and you're on a quest… man, I wish Lumpy was here," Eddy grumbled, referring to Ed, the lovable oaf. "I bet if he were, he'd be helpin' me sell these souvenirs a lot faster!"

"Perhaps if you come with us after all of this is over, we might be able to find Ed, Eddy," Edd explained.

"What?! No way, Sockhead!" Eddy complained, motioning to the piles of coins he'd been making selling souvenirs. "Look at all this moolah! I'm rich! And I'm only gonna get richer! I ain't ditchin' this place to find Monobrow any time soon!"

"Eddy!" Edd groaned, disappointed. "Shame on you! You would really put wealth, greed, and your own self-interests over your friends?"

"Aw, come on, Sockhead-" Eddy began, but Edd held up a hand to silence him.

"Never you mind, Eddy. I know when we're not appreciated," the sock-headed boy grumbled in disgust. "Come along, fellows. We've got a big day tomorrow."

Edd walked away, pointing his head upward in disgust. The worried looks from Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior were gone, replaced with looks of disgust as they, too, began walking away, following Edd back into the Pit.

"Not cool, man. Really not cool," Junior spat at Eddy before running to catch up with his teammates, leaving Eddy by himself.

"Well, this stinks," he said to absolutely no one as he facepalmed. "I'm not any better off than when I started."

XXX000XXX000XXX

(10:45 PM, lights out)

Edd, Rolf, Jimmy, Koops, Mario, and Eduardo Junior were all asleep in the men's bunks of the major-league room, with Nazz, Goombella, and Madame Flurrie in the ladies' bunks. They had all had a long day, between fighting in the ring and investigating the mysteries that surrounded the Glitz Pit. However, they were all left with more questions than answers. How did Grubba know about the Crystal Star? What, if anything, did Jolene know about it? Were they aware of the sinister X-Nauts, who were also after the Crystal Stars? Who sent the threatening messages? Who was the mysterious X that kept contacting the teams? Why did Rawk Hawk send a slice of cake? Why did Shellshock eat the stupid thing and wind up in the hospital, numb and nauseous?

Edd tossed and turned as he reflected on the events of recent days. Everything just seemed too complicated; Eduardo Junior's hatching, the anonymous threats, the mysterious X, the missing fighters, and the Crystal Star, not to mention his newfound fire powers…

"Daddy?" asked a voice, quietly.

Edd slowly sat up and found himself face-to-face with the source of the voice: a nervous Eduardo Junior was sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Nngh… Eduardo?" Edd half-whispered.

"Daddy?" Eduardo asked again.

"I'm… not exactly your father," Edd replied, somewhat reluctantly. "I only rescued and incubated your egg."

"Exactly. You saved me from becoming someone's dinner and kept my egg safe until I hatched," Eduardo countered. "As far as I'm concerned, that makes you my dad."

Edd couldn't help but smile at this comment. This little Yoshi really looked up to him as a father figure. In a number of ways, it made sense to the sock-headed boy; after all, it was Edd who rescued the egg from Mr. Hoggle, who had wanted to cook the little guy as part of a recipe; and it was Edd who kept the egg safe inside the incubator until the little Eduardo hatched. He felt a nice, warm feeling inside his heart.

"Heh, that it does, right?" Edd said quietly. "What's wrong?"

"I can't sleep," Eduardo replied, his voice hushed. "We got two threats in one day, and we don't know who's threatening us. I'm scared, man. Whoever it is really doesn't want us to get that Crystal Star."

"I'm sure we'll be fine," Edd said, to placate the little Yoshi. "If they were really going to do any harm to us, they would have already done so before now."

"Eh… yeah, I guess you're right," Eduardo said, smiling. "My big, strong papa'll never let the bad guys win! Thanks, Dad. I feel a little better now. See ya in the A.M."

Like a cat, Eduardo crawled in a mini-circle on Edd's bed, then lay down and curled up, allowing himself to fall asleep.

 _Little Eduardo_ ' _s right_ , Edd thought to himself. _I mustn_ ' _t fret over trivial events such as those_. _Tomorrow shall be the end of this_.

With both this thought in his mind and Eduardo Junior so close by, Edd pulled himself under his blanket, up to his shoulders, and allowed himself to drift into his slumber.

 **End of Part Nine**


	26. 3-10: A Shocking Discovery

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 10: A Shocking Discovery**

(4:50 AM, before sunrise)

For whatever reason, the Urban Rangers anthem emanated once more from Edd's laptop, signaling a message from X. The sound was lower in volume so it wouldn't awaken anyone sleeping in the nearby bunks, but the sound was enough to wake up Edd, slowly. As Edd sat up, rubbed his eyes, and adjusted his position, the movement was enough to jostle Eduardo Junior out of his sleep as well.

"Seriously?" Edd whispered. "Why is X contacting me at this hour?"

"That's what I wanna know, too, Dad," Eduardo whispered back. "I'm young, and I need my beauty sleep."

Edd pulled his laptop out of his backpack, which sat on the floor, directly next to the right side of his bunk bed. He opened the laptop to read the message, and sighed. It was from X, and read as follows:

"rEmOvE tHe ExTrEmE EdUaRdOs PoStErS In ThE LoBbY. From X."

"Oh, dear, another mission," Edd whispered softly.

"At this hour?" Eduardo whispered again.

"I also detest not getting the recommended eight hours of sleep, but this must be important, otherwise X wouldn't be contacting us," Edd said softly, taking extra care not to wake anyone else. "I need to make sure no one sees me, though."

Climbing out of bed, Edd set his laptop down and pulled out articles of black clothing – a black hooded jacket that buttoned up rather than zippered up - and a black pair of long pants - from his backpack, which he promptly proceeded to put on over his regular attire. This way, if anyone was out there, it would be harder for them to detect him sneaking around.

"Wait," Eduardo suddenly whispered.

"What is it?" Edd asked.

"I'm going with you," the little Yoshi said quietly.

"I don't recommend that," the sock-headed boy cautioned. "You're still very young. You need your rest."

"You should have a backup with you, though," Eduardo suggested. "Y'know – an extra set of eyes to help ya look around, just in case. Plus, I don't wanna be alone."

Edd went silent at this. Eduardo Junior had a good point, it seemed. It would be rather unwise to skulk around a darkened building alone. At the same time, however, the little Yoshi was still a child, much like himself, and it was always recommended that children get no less than eight hours of sleep every night. But still, Edd really didn't want to wake anyone else from their slumber, and as it was, he and the little Yoshi were the only ones awake.

"…Very well, then," the sock-headed boy sighed reluctantly. "But we must maintain extra caution and keep quiet so as not to alert anyone."

Edd buttoned his jacket to cover his shirt, leaving one area unbuttoned so that Eduardo Junior could fit inside like a baby kangaroo. Once this was done, Edd pulled out his rod, just in case, then picked up his laptop and closed it so that it would be easier to carry. Carrying the little Yoshi inside his jacket, Edd then tiptoed out of the bunk and crept out of the locker room.

As it was still night time, the hallways were very scantily lit, with only one light in each section on. It felt awkward to traverse the hallway when even the security guards had all gone to sleep. However, much to the relief of both Edd and the Yoshi child, the guards didn't suddenly wake up as Edd walked carefully through the halls to reach the lobby, stepping very lightly and quietly as he did so.

XXX000XXX000XXX

(5:00 AM)

Eventually, Edd and Eduardo made it to the lobby, which also was scantily lit, with only what little daylight there was from outside poking in through the windows as well as a single lamp hanging over the main entrance as their only sources of light. However, it was enough so that they could see enough of the room. As Edd and Eduardo crossed to the stairs, the very faint sound of the Urban Rangers anthem from the laptop signaled another message from X. Edd sat down and opened his laptop to silently read it:

"tO bE cLeAr, ThE pOsTeRs ArE oN tHe SeCoNd fLoOr Of ThE LoBbY."

Taking this as a clue, Edd and Eduardo continued up the stairs. After approaching the wall, which was adorned with four posters depicting himself and his team. Edd sat down again, allowing Eduardo Junior to climb out of the jacket.

"Why does X want us to take down these posters?" whispered the little Yoshi. "They look awesome!"

"I don't know, that's why I'm going to ask," whispered the sock-headed boy. With this, Edd immediately typed out his message.

"Why should we remove these posters?" he typed before sending.

The response was immediate: "tHe KeY tO tHe StOrErOoM AtTiC iS sTaShEd bEhInD oNe Of ThOsE pOsTeRs."

Edd typed and sent his reply: "Which poster? Who are you? How do you know such information?"

This time, the response was an admonition: "tHaT's NoT yOuR cOnCeRn. AcT fAsT. FiNd ThE kEy AnD gEt OuT oF tHeRe BeFoRe YoU'rE sEeN."

Edd always felt discomfort in tampering with items other than his own personal artifacts, but at X's urging, he closed and set down his laptop, and began peeling the posters off of the wall very cautiously, one by one. As he peeled off the poster that was second to the left from the door, something small fell out from behind the poster and was caught in Eduardo Junior's hands.

"I think this is it," the little Yoshi whispered, showing it to Edd.

"Excellent," the sock-headed boy whispered, with a smile that unfortunately didn't betray the guilt he felt over tampering with public property. "Let me hang these posters back up and then inform X."

Edd picked up the posters off of the floor and hung each one back on the wall, exactly as how he had found them – he was compulsive like this, as he hated leaving anything even slightly out of place. After he completed this task, he sat down and opened his laptop once more, typing and sending a notification to X:

"I found the key."

X replied almost immediately: "ExCeLLeNt. TaKe ThE kEy AnD eNtEr ThE sToReRoOm."

Edd had never been in the storeroom, but he remembered that Mario and his team had been sent there by X during the evening. Unsure of where exactly the storeroom was located, Edd typed and sent his query: "Where is this storeroom, exactly?"

X replied instantly: "Ah YeS. I sEnT gOnZaLeS aNd HiS TeAm ThErE LaSt TiMe. HeAd BaCk InTo ThE HaLLwAy; I'LL dIrEcT yOu FrOm ThErE. MoVe QuIcKLy."

XXX000XXX000XXX

(5:08 AM)

Edd and Eduardo Junior re-entered the dimly-lit hallway from which they came, with the little Yoshi once again riding inside an opening in the sock-headed boy's jacket like a baby kangaroo. Edd's laptop rang quietly, with a notification from X:

"FoLLoW tHe HaLLwAy UnTiL yOu ReAcH tHe DoOr NeXt To GrUbBa'S oFfIcE."

Doing as told, Edd closed his laptop and carried Eduardo in his jacket as they traveled down the hallway once more, tiptoeing all the way. Looking down, he saw the little Yoshi look up at him, and they shared a smile. The sock-headed boy had to admit, Eduardo Junior was beginning to grow on him, and he liked carrying him around like this. It brought back the memory of when Ed and Jimmy developed a bond after a game of dodgeball; at one point, the lovable oaf had carried Jimmy inside his jacket as he hopped around like a kangaroo, with Jimmy as his "joey." Before long, they reached Grubba's office. Like the other security guards, Vincent was fast asleep, slumped down with his head against the door. Looking to the right of the office door, Edd noticed another door, which was left unguarded for some reason; this had to be the storeroom. He set Eduardo back down onto the floor and re-opened his laptop to notify X:

"I think I found the storeroom."

The reply came instantly and urgently: "GrEaT. NoW gO iN. hUrRy!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

(5:11 AM)

Edd and Eduardo entered the storeroom quickly, gently closing the door behind themselves. Almost immediately, the two were enveloped by sheer darkness, as there appeared to be no windows of any kind for what faint light there was from outside to stream through. Unlike the hallways and the lobby, which had some light, this room was nearly pitch-black.

"Daddy? I can't see anything," Eduardo whispered.

"Hold that thought," Edd whispered back. He pressed a button and switched on a built-in flashlight that emanated from the lid of the laptop.

"Nice," the little Yoshi whispered. "That should make it easier."

Edd's laptop rang as X sent another message: "UsE tHe KeY tO UnLoCk ThE dOoR." This message was followed by a single beeping noise, indicating that X had signed off, leaving Edd and Eduardo completely on their own in the darkness.

With the help of the laptop flashlight, Edd and Eduardo were able to make out a semi-spiral staircase leading upward. Taking this as their cue, the two kids slowly climbed upstairs and arrived at the attic. Edd could barely make out the shapes of a set of floating blocks that had formerly contained Shine Sprites, much like the ones Mario had found at Hooktail's castle. All the same, he flashed his light around the attic, searching for the door that X had directed him to, while Eduardo Junior waited by the pile of large boxes.

" _Uuuuuuuggggggghhhhh_ …" moaned a distant voice.

Startled, Edd yelped in fright and ran back downstairs, followed by Eduardo - only to drop his laptop in the process, damaging the flashlight and returning the room to darkness.

"Dad? What happened? I can't see!" Eduardo called, trying to make himself heard.

"Oh, dear, no, no, no, no, no, no," moaned Edd fearfully. He felt around on the ground until he finally made contact with his laptop. The computer itself still worked – but the light was damaged and rendered useless, and so neither he nor the little Yoshi could see what was in front of them, let alone around them. The distant, zombie-like moaning continued, only this time it sounded a bit louder. Eduardo Junior felt around until he touched Edd, and climbed up onto his head.

Edd now had no other option but to unlock the second-floor attic door as X instructed. He could feel his heart pounding as he and Eduardo climbed the cold steel staircase, with the zombie-like moaning getting louder as they reached the top. His breathing pattern started getting quicker as he approached a door with a visible padlock on it. He remembered Koops saying something about hearing voices on the other side of the door, but nonetheless, he used the key to unlock this door before dropping it on the floor, where it emitted a barely-audible clanging. He reached for the handle and was about to grasp it when the door began to shake. Frightened, Edd backed away slowly, his hand trembling, while Eduardo climbed back down onto the floor.

"Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear…" he gasped, close to hyperventilating. "Wh-wh-who's there?"

He knew he had to swallow his fear and be brave. Still trembling, he slowly whipped out his rod and readied himself, summoning every bit of courage within himself just to approach the door. He managed to grab hold of the handle, his hand trembling all the way. Slowly turning the knob, he readied his rod and carefully opened the door.

Immediately he was greeted with the barely-visible but horrifically gruesome sight of two distorted and pale faces, moaning like zombies. As he opened the door, they both fell like dominoes, with one of them landing right on top of Edd, who responded with a loud scream: " _GAAAAAAAAAAAAH_!"

"DAD? DAD?!" Eduardo called. "DAD?!"

Edd didn't respond. After his loud scream, he had gone into shock and passed out.

Once this sunk in, Eduardo threw aside all stealth maneuvers and called out in a panic:

"HELP! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! SOMEONE! _ANYONE_! _HEEEEEEEELP_!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

(5:20 AM)

Edd could hear voices as he came to. He couldn't quite make out who was speaking, since his vision was blurred and it was still dark in the room, but he could make out faint flashlight beams shining around.

"Man, they look terrible."

"I thought I heard something in here earlier."

"Get 'em on a stretcher immediately!"

"Right away! But what about Eduardo?"

"I think he's the one that found 'em. Must've gone into shock."

"Well, at least he and the little Yoshi ain't in the shape these two're in."

Edd's vision returned to clarity, and he realized that Eduardo Junior had called security after the discovery of two pale zombie-like individuals in the attic. He managed to sit upright after a while, monitoring his blood pressure as he did so, and discovering that the two individuals who'd fallen on top of him were now placed on a single stretcher. Abrams, Vincent, Yardley, and Jono were now in the room, with Abrams and Jono shining their own flashlights so Edd and Eduardo could see around the room.

"Dad! You're okay!" Junior exclaimed as he hugged Edd, relieved that he was awake.

"What happened? Who fell on top of me?" the sock-headed boy asked.

"Mr. Eduardo? What were you two doing in here?" Abrams asked, shining his flashlight on Edd and the little blue Yoshi.

"Um… well, you see, I- er, we- uhh…" was all Edd could say, as he was unable to give Abrams a straight answer without giving away the fact that X had led them there to investigate.

"You know what, never mind. With all the strange things I hear happening around this place, somehow it doesn't surprise me anymore," groaned the bouncer.

"As for who fell on top of you, it seems one of them managed to mention your name, Mr. Eduardo," Jono piped up. "Come take a look."

Edd climbed to his feet and placed Eduardo Junior back into the opening of his jacket as Jono shined his light on the two individuals on the stretcher, currently being carried by Vincent and Yardley. The two kids followed the light's gaze and winced as they received a rather horrifying, grisly sight. Edd moved in closer to get a better look, and while they looked almost unrecognizable – as they were both very pale and seemed much thinner – he recognized both of them.

"Good Lord! _Bandy Andy_?! _King K_?!" he gasped.

King K and Bandy Andy were on the stretcher, pale, drained, and nearly out of energy. In fact, they were so pale, that Andy's cloak and King K's shell nearly matched the white of Andy's mask.

"E… Ed… uar-do?..." Andy gasped. "Th… that… y-you?"

"Andy? King K? It's Eduardo… and Eduardo Junior," Edd replied, holding up the frightened little Yoshi.

"H-hey… E… E-man… l-l-listen…" King K coughed. "Don't… don't go… n-near the… the r-ring… wh-wh-when i-it's em-emp…ty…"

"'Don't go near the ring when it's empty?' Why not?" Junior asked.

Andy and King K only coughed in response. Edd looked on with great worry – these two poor souls looked as though they were dying, losing consciousness.

"What happened to you?" Edd asked.

"M-m-m-m-m-m-ma-machine," Andy gasped, as he and King K slipped into unconsciousness.

"We're losin' 'em, guys!" Yardley shouted.

"All right, men, let's get 'em to the hospital immediately!" Vincent called.

"Um, Eduardo, perhaps it's best we return to our bunks and let security take it from here," Edd told Junior.

"Yeah, I dig it," Junior replied. "I don't dig what happened to those guys, though…"

Abrams led the way back down the stairs as Vincent and Yardley followed him carrying the dying King K and Bandy Andy on the stretcher, with Jono following Yardley. As soon as they were gone, Edd and Eduardo Junior brought up the rear, with the little Yoshi once more poking out his head from inside the sock-headed boy's jacket and his closed laptop tucked back in his arm. The two made their way back down the stairs to the ground floor, where Edd suddenly caught the sight of Jolene standing by the door, out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't quite read the expression on her face, however, so he didn't quite know if she looked worried or disappointed, or a combination of the two. It soon registered to Jolene that Edd was staring at her, and as such, she abruptly left the scene without saying a word.

With no other option, Edd and Eduardo Junior left the room, carrying Edd's laptop, and made their way back to the major-league bunk. As they did, questions loomed in their minds. Why were King K and Bandy Andy in the storeroom attic? Who or what was responsible for their current state? Did they stumble onto something they shouldn't have seen? And why would King K warn Edd against going to the ring while it was empty? What did Andy mean by a "machine?" Edd hoped against hope that they'd eventually get their answers as the day went on, but for now, they had a title match to reserve…

 **End of Part Ten**


	27. 3-11: The Title Match

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 11: The Title Match**

"SIX AM! RISE 'N SHINE, WAKEY WAKEY, THE PARK'S OPENIN'!"

Once more, Grubba's voice came through the intercom along with the _Reveille_ trumpeting, signaling the start of the day. After their late-night investigation into X's tips, Edd and Eduardo Junior weren't as rested as the rest of their team, but they did manage to get just enough sleep. It wasn't easy, though, as the two kids couldn't shake the ghastly images of King K and Bandy Andy out of their minds. But this did not make Edd any less eager to start the day. Today was the day they would fight their title match against the champion, Rawk Hawk. Edd was now more determined to win the championship, find the Gold Crystal Star, and leave Glitzville behind. Right now, though, he was the only member of his team still in the bunks, as the rest of the team – Eduardo Junior included – were already in the locker area.

"Mario?" Edd asked, turning to face the portly plumber.

"Oh… Double-D, what-a happened-a? I heard-a security had-a to come-a to the storeroom earlier," Mario said.

"Oh, um… I don't know why he or she chose 4:50 in the morning to do so, but I got a tip from X telling me to find the key to unlock the door in the attic of the storeroom," Edd replied. "The one that Koops said he heard voices coming from."

"And-a what-a happened-a?" Mario continued.

"King K and Bandy Andy were in there, like zombies out of Ed's horror films," Edd elaborated.

"King-a K and-a Bandy Andy?" Mario asked, surprised. "I thought-a they'd-a gone home-a to retire!"

"That's indeed what we were led to believe," Edd surmised. "From the zombie-like state in which Junior and I found them, it seemed they'd suffered severe physical, psychological, and emotional trauma; Andy some time two nights ago, given the advanced severity of his condition; and King K sometime yesterday. I think…"

"Yes?" Mario asked, worried.

Edd motioned for the plumber to lean in more closely before lowering his voice to a whisper.

"I think… they stumbled onto something they shouldn't have seen, and the state in which they were found must have been inflicted on them in order to keep them quiet," the sock-headed boy whispered. "There's no doubt in my mind that the anonymous perpetrator responsible for their dreadful state of affairs is also the one who's been threatening us to halt our investigations, and I suspect this mystery miscreant may also have his or her sights on the Crystal Star."

"Urgh!" Mario groaned in frustration. "Mamma-mia, this-a Crystal Star! Why is it-a taking-a so long-a for us-a to find it?!"

"I haven't a clue, Mario, but if we don't find it soon, I may surely go mad from exasperation."

"So, um, what exactly did-a they see?" Mario inquired about King K and Bandy Andy.

"That's also an unknown. The only clue is this: Before losing consciousness, King K said to me, 'Don't go near the ring when it's empty,'" Edd whispered. "Andy followed this up with the word 'machine.' They apparently slipped into a coma afterwards."

"Machine?" inquired the portly plumber.

A knock on the door interrupted their hushed conversation before Edd could elaborate any further.

"Double-D!" came Nazz's voice from the other side. "Hurry up, dude! We gotta, like, reserve our title match!"

"Ah yes, I forgot! Today's the day we face Rawk Hawk in the ring!" Edd exclaimed.

"Good-a luck, Double-D," Mario said.

"Thank you, Mario," the sock-headed boy replied as he exited the bunks. "Notify the hospital for updates on their status, and then fill me in." Mario nodded.

Edd arrived in the locker room just a tad too late – Nazz had already reserved the match during his conversation with Mario, and the remaining Extreme Eduardos had already formed up, doing exercises and stretches to loosen themselves up before the big fight. Rolf was doing leg stretches, Nazz was performing arm stretches, Eduardo Junior was meditating, and Jimmy was doing yoga.

"Took you long enough, dude," Nazz said as she stretched her sides. "We've got, like, less than a minute before we have to go."

"My apologies, fellows," Edd said. "I've been thinking about King K and Bandy Andy. Eduardo and I found them in the attic of the storeroom, and they looked like zombies straight out of Ed's collection of horror films and comic books."

"Really?" Nazz asked, horrified.

"Can this be true?" Rolf inquired.

"Yes. Whoever spread the rumors of their retirement was surely spreading falsehoods," Edd elaborated. "I also believe that the mystery miscreant responsible was the one threatening us to halt our investigations."

"Dude, that's… I have no words," Nazz said. It was clear, though, that she was nearly as appalled as Edd was. "Man, I can't wait for this all to be over."

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door, and the major-league security guard, Sampson, entered the room.

"The time has come," Rolf growled.

"Eduardos!" he bellowed. "Match time. Follow me."

Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior followed Sampson out of the room… but he led them in a different direction than intended.

"Wait a minute! Mr. Guard-guy! Where ya goin'? This ain't the way to the ring!" Junior piped up.

"Oh, yeah, uh… ya go this way now, 'cuz it's a special match, bein' the title match 'n all," Sampson replied.

The guard led the now-somewhat-suspicious Eduardos to the left of the room, past several other security officials guarding other doors. It seemed this hallway looped around, as they had just taken two right turns – it was a U-turn hallway, with both points of access connecting directly to the lobby. Finally, Sampson arrived at a door closest to the door on the end of the hall.

"Move it, Hill," Sampson growled.

Hill, the bouncer guarding this door, moved out of the way to allow Sampson to pass. Opening the door, Sampson led the Eduardos inside. Passing through the door, the Eduardos found themselves in an abandoned minor-league locker room. This one was in worse shape than the locker room in which they had begun their tenures in the Glitz Pit. Several lockers were missing, and the ones that weren't had fallen sideways. The bench, though blue in cushioning, was very worn, and springs were poking out from inside.

"Egads! Filthy, filthy, filthy… We're in another minor-league locker room!" Edd complained. "And this one is in worse shape than the other one!"

"You guys wait here," Sampson said, ignoring the comment. He promptly left the locker room, closing the door as he did so.

"Uh… Double-D? I don't like this," Jimmy quavered. "He wants us to wait here?! But we're missing the match!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"HOOOOOW-DAY, GLITZVILLE! THIS IS THE DAY Y'ALL HAVE BEEN WAITIN' FER! IT'S THE TITLE MATCH!"

Grubba addressed the wildly-cheering crowd in the packed stadium, getting them fired up. Eddy sat front row with Master Crash, Sir Swoop, and Team Gonzales.

"TODAY ONLY! It's the top dogs o' the major leagues, the EXTREME EDUARDOS, 'n they're finally gonna throw down wit' da champ! Da one, da only, RAWK HAWK!"

This time, the cheering got louder. Several of Rawk Hawk's fangirls had showed up to the ring, squealing excitedly.

"First to enter the ring!" Grubba continued. "The Feral Nuclear Reactor himself, RAAAAAAWK HAAAAAAWK!"

Rawk Hawk entered the stadium through the blue doors on the right. Immediately, his fangirls began screeching much more loudly. Several other shouts could be heard:

"YOU GO, CHAMP!"

"RAAAAWK 'EM!"

"MARRY ME, RAWK HAWK!"

Basking in the attention, Rawk Hawk strode coolly and confidently into the ring, showing off his physique for the fans.

"Hoooo-DOGGIES, Champ!" the promoter exclaimed, sidling up to the large, avian-like champion. "How ya feelin', son? Them challengers o' yers 're a handful, they are!"

"They don't wanna handful o' THIS! Unh-unh!" Rawk boasted. "There's only one champ, and that's ME! Even if those Eduardo-chumps show up, what're they gonna do, huh? NOTHIN'! Heck, they're more nothin' than that Prince Mush guy before me!"

Suddenly several boos were mixed in with the loud cheers.

"Hi-ho, Silver!" Grubba proclaimed, knowing what this meant. "Seems we got some Prince Mush fans in da crowd, folks!"

"Prince Mush?" Eddy asked Master Crash. "Who the heck's Prince Mush?"

"Oh, he was the first BOMB champion of the Pit, before Rawk Hawk BOMB came along," Crash replied. "He was the best… up until he up and vanished some time ago."

"Well, now, hey, the Extreme Eduardos made it to da top o' da majors faster than anyone ever!" Grubba proclaimed. "Even got up there faster than YOU, champ!"

"Well, to that, I say, PBBBBBBLLLLLTTTTTH!" Rawk boasted. "I don't care what a bunch o' KIDS did to a bunch o' chumps, 'cuz now they get RAWKED!"

"Well, we've heard from the champ himself," Grubba addressed the crowd. "Now it's time fer our challengers: them Reckless Juvies, the EXTREME EDUARDOS!"

Everyone turned their attention to the red doors meant for the challengers, expecting the Eduardos to arrive. They sat and watched… and watched… and watched…

The cheers and boos suddenly turned to confused murmurs.

"Hey, what's goin' on?" Eddy inquired. "If I know Sockhead, I know he hates bein' late to anything!" _It_ ' _s annoying_ , _but still_ …

"Uh, guys… where are they?" Koops asked his teammates, to which they shrugged in response.

It seemed Grubba shared similar sentiments: "Hold the phone, folks! What's goin' on? What happened to the Eduardos?!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

From inside the dingy locker room, Nazz had her ear pressed against the door, and could make out the voices.

"I'll tell ya what happened!" she barely heard Rawk bragging. "They're afraid of the RAAAAAAWK!"

"Aw, man, guys, they're starting without us!" she said. "We gotta move!"

She grabbed the doorknob and tried to turn it, but to their shock, it didn't budge.

"DANG IT! We're locked in!" she shouted.

"Locked in?!" Edd yelled in a panic.

"Curses!" Rolf shouted angrily, pounding on the door. "Feckless anti-security nimrod, release Rolf immediately!"

"Eegh! What do we do, guys?!" Jimmy quavered.

"Stand back!" Junior said.

As the kids backed away from the door, the little Yoshi lashed his frog-like tongue at the door, wrapping it around the knob. He pulled backward on the door, but still, the knob wouldn't turn. Finally the little Yoshi gave up and retracted his tongue.

"Perhaps some desperate measures are in order," Edd sighed. Pointing at the door, he spoke the incantation:

"Fireball!"

A large-enough ball of flame shot from his outstretched hand and struck the door, breaking it down and allowing them to escape. After waving his hand to put out the flame, Edd led the rest of his team hurriedly down the correct path to the arena, to the red double-doors on the other side of the U-turn hallway.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, if they ain't here in the next ten seconds, I'mma hafta call it a forfeit," Grubba said to the disappointed and confused audience. "Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven…"

A voice from outside the room suddenly cut through the tension:

"PATHI-FLARE!"

With a fiery explosion, the red doors burst open to reveal Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior, the latter of whom was perched on Edd's head. And they did _not_ look happy.

"Well, throw me high 'n drop me low!" Grubba proclaimed in surprise. "At long last, ladies 'n germs, this is the moment o' truth! The Extreme Eduardos have finally arrived! A tad late, though…"

The crowd roared with cheers and applause as the very angry Eduardos crossed to the ring.

"GO EDUARDO GO!"

"YO NAZZ! LET'S HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

"YOU'RE LATE, SOCKHEAD!" (Eddy's voice was easily recognizable.)

"HEY EDUARDO, WHAT'S UNDER THE HAT?"

"YO! ROLF! SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!"

"JIMMY! JIMMY! HE'S SO RAD!"

"LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE LITTLE YOSHI!"

"KNOCK THE BOMB OUT OF THE RAWK!"

"All right! We made it!" Jimmy proclaimed. "The crowd loves us! We're stars, guys!"

"Yes, let us, how you say, 'lay the smack-down' on he-who-squawks!" Rolf proclaimed.

The Eduardos refocused their anger on Rawk Hawk as they entered the ring.

"Just listen to this crowd hootin' 'n hollerin' fer our challengers!" Grubba shouted. "Will their spunk 'n their strength in numbers be enough to rock the Rawk Hawk's socks?! Now, at long last, the fight to end all fights is here 'n now! Let's keep it clean, y'all!"

"All right! We're fightin' the champ, Dad!" Junior proclaimed. "I'm! So! Fired! Up!"

"Well, well, well… Y'all finally showed up, huh?" Rawk growled. "Y'all shoulda just stayed locked up, safe 'n sound!"

"So YOU'RE the one who got security to lock us in that dingy room?!" Edd shouted.

"CHEATER!" Jimmy yelled.

"Darn right, I did!" Rawk laughed, proud of himself. "By the way, bites to be whoever ate that tainted cake I sent especially for you! That's what happens when ya mess with me! Ya meet the pain train! Consider it payback for callin' my belt a fake!"

"He-who-squawks thinks he can make a merry Andrew of the son of a shepherd?!" Rolf growled.

"So you're the birdbrain who's been sending threats about the Crystal Star?!" Nazz fired back at Rawk.

"What? 'Crystal Star?' What the heck you twerps babblin' on about now?" Rawk countered, both puzzled and angrily. "Oh wait! I DON'T CARE! So I don't play fair, so what?! I got skills, punks! I do what I gotta to protect what's rightfully MINE! Prepare to be RAAAAAAAWKED!"

Right then and there, the bell rang, signaling the start of the title bout.

As soon as this occurred, Rawk let out a martial-arts shout and dashed forward, preparing for a kick. Rolf, who was probably the most aggravated of any of his teammates, ran ahead and successfully countered the blow with his own arms.

"How dare you swindle the son of a shepherd, he-who-squawks!" Rolf growled.

Mustering all of his strength, the son of a shepherd hoisted Rawk into the air and promptly slammed him onto the ground. Unfazed for the most part, Rawk countered by hitting Rolf with a knockout punch, sending the blue-haired youth to the floor.

"STRETCH!" Eddy shouted from his seat, shocked.

Nazz, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior shouted Rolf's name worriedly.

"'Son of a NOTHING,' more like," Rawk boasted. Edd then whipped out his rod and turned his attention to Jimmy.

"Jimmy! Now's it's time-" began Edd.

"Uh, D-D-D-Double-D? This guy scares the Mr. Bojangles outta me," Jimmy quavered. "I'm gonna sit this one out."

"Oh? Really?" Edd inquired. "Why, Jimmy, I thought you'd conquered your-"

Edd stopped speaking as Jimmy gave him a subtle smirk, followed by a wink of his eye.

 _Ah_ , _it seems Jimmy_ ' _s merely feigning terror_ , Edd thought to himself. _Perhaps he has a plan_. _Best to run with it_.

With his rod in hand, Edd made his move and charged at Rawk. In mid-dash, he held his rod and called out:

"FLARE!"

At this, his rod transformed into a sword of flame. With a leap, he swung his flaming weapon at Rawk as hard as he could, striking him with an impact to match the stamina that Edd put into his swing and dealing decent fire damage. The sock-headed boy jumped back and, with a wave of his hand, returned his weapon to normal.

"Bustin' out a move like that, you call _me_ a cheater?" Rawk growled.

Before Edd could react, Nazz decided to make her move, using the X-Naut staff to pole-vault herself high enough to kick the avian macho-man in his face. Unfortunately, Rawk intercepted her attack in mid-air and slammed her back onto the floor beside Rolf, knocking her out.

"That's it! My turn now!" Junior shouted. "Toss me high, Dad!"

Doing as instructed, Edd picked up the little Yoshi and tossed him into the air, where he fluttered over Rawk's head. Junior followed this up with a series of Ground Pounds on the champion's cranium, dealing significant damage enough to weaken him.

"No… this can't be…" the champion grumbled.

Edd took this as his cue to make his move; he charged forward to launch a fireball at Rawk. However, he did so too carelessly – the fire ball passed right by the avian champion and struck the blue double-doors instead. Catching his breath, Edd stopped running and waved the flames away. Not willing to give up so soon, Edd launched a second fireball from his hand, which also missed, this time striking a wall near the double-doors, and were soon waved away. Rawk seized this opportunity to strike Edd with a knockout punch, taking him down… but, unbeknownst to Rawk, not out.

As Jimmy still seemed too frightened to move, Eduardo Junior went next. He tried to jump high enough to ground-pound Rawk's head, but unfortunately, as was the case with Nazz, Rawk intercepted the move and slapped him down to the floor, near Jimmy.

"…Jimmy… Help," he groaned.

Rawk kicked the injured Yoshi aside, toward Edd, and knocked him out. Satisfied, the champion approached the timid Jimmy menacingly and grabbed the frightened boy by the collar of his shirt, hoisting him high off the ground.

"Well, well, well, little quarter-pint," Rawk sneered. "This went pretty fast. So… any last words?"

In Rawk's overconfidence, he failed to notice Edd getting up behind him. This did not, however, go unnoticed by Jimmy, and with a chance glance at the sock-headed boy, the pale boy's facial expression slowly went from fright and terror to a sly smirk.

"Hey, what are you so happy about?" Rawk grumbled, confused. "I already made quick work o' yer chumpy team, so what's the deal?"

His smirk unwavering, Jimmy nonchalantly waved at Rawk and said, "Say bye-bye now."

"What?!" Rawk inquired. This left the champion unprepared for Edd's sneak-attack:

"Pathi-Flare!"

Rawk released Jimmy in time, allowing the pale boy to drop down on the ground. However, this was all he could do in time, as the champion was suddenly struck by Edd's flames and thrown high up and across the room before slamming against the ceiling, dislodging the champion's belt and nearly striking the jumbotron above the challenger's entrance. About a second later, Rawk peeled off of the ceiling and fell back onto the ground, face-down and out cold; the champion's belt landed near Grubba.

"Game, set, match," Edd quipped proudly. Nazz, Rolf, and Eduardo Junior recovered and regained consciousness, and Edd and Jimmy helped each of them to their feet. Now recovered enough, the kids stood proudly, shoulder to shoulder; Edd stood center, with Eduardo Junior and Rolf to his right, and Nazz and Jimmy to his left. Rawk lay on the ground, moaning in pain, too beaten to stand. The audience suddenly roared with cheers and applause.

"WELL, HI-HO, SILVER!" Grubba proclaimed in awe. "Why, folks, I feel like my eyes just popped outta my head! We got ourselves a miracle! Technique versus technique! Raw power versus raw power! A clash o' superhumans! Ladies 'n germs, this was truly, honestly, without a doubt, no question, abso-tootch-ly _THE most legendary_ , _amazin_ ', _improbable_ , _history_ - _makin_ ' _bout of all TIME_! Presentin' our new champs, the victors in dis match fer the ages, them Reckless Juvies, y'all know 'em, y'all love 'em- _**THE EXTREEEEEEEEEME EDUARDOS**_!"

The crowd roared with cheers and applause, much more loudly than they ever have, and all stood up from their seats, presenting a standing ovation to the Eduardos.

"GIVE 'EM A HAND, FOLKS! LET'S HEAR IT FER OUR NEW CHAMPS O' DA GLITZ PIT!" Grubba shouted.

The promoter picked up the belt and handed it to Edd, who – assisted by Rolf – hoisted it high for all the fans to see. Nazz, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior were keeping the crowd cheering by jumping and dancing. Confetti rained down from the ceiling, which Eddy and Team Gonzales took as a cue to lead the chant:

" **EDUARDOS! EDUARDOS! EDUARDOS! EDUARDOS**!"

The newly-crowned champions, the Eduardos, beamed proudly, basking in the adulation. Now all that was left for them to do in Glitzville was solve the mystery of the missing fighters and find the Gold Crystal Star…

 **End of Part Eleven**


	28. 3-12: The Perpetrator Unmasked

**Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory**

 **Part 12: The Perpetrator Unmasked**

"Mr. Eduardo, junior _and_ senior. Miss Nazz, Mr. Rolf, and Mr. Jimmy. On behalf of all of us at the Glitz Pit, congratulations on your hard-earned victory!"

Jolene had brought Edd and his team back into the major-league locker room after the match. The Eduardos were still basking in the euphoria of finally winning the championship, especially after discovering that their opponent, the now-former champion Rawk Hawk, was a dirty cheater, much like Eddy back at the cul-de-sac. Mario and his Gonzales squad had returned to the locker room to congratulate their new friends from Earth and the little Yoshi that hatched in the minor-league room, and it seemed some of their past opponents couldn't help but also put aside old grudges to congratulate the kids on making it to the top. Of course, Madame Flurrie couldn't resist planting some wet kisses on Edd and Rolf; and it didn't help that the Eduardos were mobbed by fans and reporters after the big victory as they were being led back to the room, although Jimmy seemed more than eager to take a few pictures with the fans. As usual, Eddy had returned to his souvenir stand.

"Okay, everyone, that's enough! Let our new champions breathe, now," Jolene admonished.

With this, everyone else in the room returned to whatever they were previously doing.

"Well, thank you for that, Miss Jolene," Edd said. "I must say, though, that Rawk Hawk doesn't exactly play fair, now, does he?"

"Leave him to me," Jolene replied. "Here's your pay."

Jolene paid Edd a whopping three hundred coins, which Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior divided amongst themselves at sixty coins apiece.

"Thanks, Miss Jolene!" Jimmy piped up.

"Quite welcome," the pragmatic manager replied. "Now, if you'll come with me to get settled into the champion's quarters."

Jolene led the way for Edd and his team to follow her down the hallway, past Grubba's office and the storeroom, all the way to the champion's quarters. They had seen this room during their initial tour of the Glitz Pit with Grubba, so they remembered what it looked like. When the pragmatic manager opened the door, they were once more greeted with the extravagant appearance and atmosphere, right down to the golden-like wallpaper and the shag carpeting. The gift boxes from before were now opened, apparently by Rawk Hawk before the match; and the life-size Rawk Hawk portrait was replaced with one depicting themselves. Eduardo Junior, however, was taking in the luxurious sight for the first time, as he hadn't yet been rescued, let alone hatched, during the initial tour.

"Congratulations again, champions," Jolene said. "From now on, this will be your room, so make yourself at home. It shouldn't be hard with the furnishings in here."

"Aw, sweet!" Eduardo Junior piped up.

"Of course, you'll use this terminal on the wall here to reserve matches, like always," Jolene continued, directing their gaze to a golden-colored computer terminal not unlike the ones they've used in the locker rooms to reserve matches.

"Will there be anything else?" the manager asked.

"No, thank you, Miss Jolene," Edd replied.

"In that case, have a nice day, champions," said Jolene, adjusting her glasses before leaving the room.

Now left to get accommodated, the Eduardos breathed in the air of the room, which was much fresher than it was in the locker rooms, for obvious reasons. (After all, as dirty as he fought, even Rawk Hawk had to maintain his hygiene, right?)

"Guys, this room is, like, so awesome!" Nazz exclaimed.

"It even has its own private bathroom!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"The feel of this room is not unlike the freshness of Nana's pantaloons after the merciless beating of a stick," Rolf quipped.

"…Thank you for sharing that, Rolf," Edd mused.

"Ah, and check out the bed!" Eduardo Junior exclaimed, dashing toward the bed and plopping down. "Man, this bed's the tops! Anyone could sleep like a baby in this thing!"

"Is it bouncy?" Jimmy asked about the bed.

"Let's find out!" laughed the little Yoshi. "C'mon, Uncle Jimmy!"

Laughing, Jimmy climbed onto the bed. He and Eduardo Junior began jumping on it, and surprisingly, it was quite bouncy. The two youngest members of the team seemed to be having a blast, as they continued bouncing and laughing.

"Boingy boingy boingy!" Eduardo chuckled.

"Whee!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"Fellows, please! Cease! Refrain! Abstain! Desist!" Edd scolded.

"This is so awesome!" Eduardo laughed.

"Pardon? Far from it!" Edd fired back. "May I remind you all that since our arrival in Glitzville and our enlistment in the Glitz Pit, at least six fighters were checked into the hospital? On top of it all, over the course of a few days, we still haven't found the genuine Gold Crystal Star! Confound it all, I don't understand why this is taking us so long! We should have found it before now!"

Edd then looked away and pinched the bridge of his nose to regain his composure as Jimmy and the little Yoshi stopped bouncing and climbed down from the bed, now a bit worried.

"Calm down, Double-D, we'll find it," Nazz said, trying to calm down the neurotic sockhead.

"Speaking of which, that Rawk Hawk really sounded clueless about that Crystal Star," Eduardo piped up.

The Urban Rangers anthem sounded once more from Edd's laptop, startling everyone.

"Ah, that must be X," he said, opening it to read the message. "Hopefully this will be the last clue. It's beyond time to solve this mystery and put it to rest, once and for all."

"What does it say, Dad?" Eduardo asked.

Edd read the message from X and raised an eyebrow, puzzled.

"Oh, my, this is a most unusual request," he elaborated. "It seems he or she wants us to… 'fInD tHe GhOsT iN tHe ChAmP's RoOm?'"

"G-g-g-g-g-g-ghost?!" Jimmy quavered in fright.

"Wait, there's a ghost in here?" Eduardo added nervously. "Okay, that is not cool! Ghosts are scary, man!"

"Maybe this X doesn't mean a 'ghost' literally," Nazz said.

Suddenly, Edd stopped and froze as a barely-audible whispering noise reached his ears.

"Shh! Everyone, quiet down for a moment," he stated.

"What? Did you hear something?" asked Jimmy. "'Cuz I don't hear-"

"Shhhh!"

Everyone immediately fell silent. Edd was right – someone, or something, was whispering. Rolf approached the wall near the dresser in the northeast corner of the room and pressed his ear against it.

"Hmm… the ghostly speech penetrates this wall, right here," he noted. "Hear for yourself, Ed-boy."

Edd pressed his ear against the wall that Rolf had indicated, but the distance between him and the source of the noise was a ways too far to make the sound coherent. Looking around the room, he spotted a ventilation grate on the same wall, above the dresser.

"…There," he said, pointing.

"Through the vent?" Eduardo asked.

"Correct," Edd replied.

"Seriously? Are you saying we go through that vent to find out where that whispering's coming from?" Nazz complained, not thrilled at the idea of crawling through a dusty vent.

"Regrettably yes, Nazz. There appears to be no other way around it without drawing suspicion," Edd noted. "Hmm… It seems there's enough space between the top of the dresser and the ceiling for someone small to stand on top of the dresser and break down the grate to open the vent."

With that statement, the older kids looked at Jimmy and Eduardo Junior, and it immediately became clear to the younger teammates what was about to be asked.

"Jimmy, you have that Super Hammer that you received at the juice bar the other day," Edd stated.

"Yeah…?" Jimmy inquired.

"As much as I detest outright vandalism of any property, public or private, we need you to use your hammer to break down the grate so we can crawl into the vent to discern the source of the supposed 'ghost of the champion's room.'"

"Okay, Double-D," Jimmy replied, uncharacteristically determined. Like the rest of them, Jimmy wanted to put this mystery to rest and find the Crystal Star as soon as possible.

Rolf hoisted Jimmy atop the dresser and motioned for everyone to stand back. Jimmy whipped out his hammer and, with a twist of his small body and a mighty swing, toppled the vent grate without even stumbling – a commendable act for the otherwise accident-prone boy.

"All clear, guys!" he proclaimed with a thumbs-up.

Taking the cue, Rolf lifted Nazz up next. As she reluctantly crawled into the vent, Rolf then lifted Edd and Eduardo Junior onto the dresser so they could crawl in next before he climbed up himself, taking up the rear with Jimmy, who stored away his hammer. While there wasn't too much height in the vent, it was wide enough that two people could crawl side-by-side, as Edd and Nazz did in the lead. There was just enough height for Jimmy and Eduardo Junior to just walk through the vent while the older kids crawled, though Jimmy still had to hunch over just a bit to avoid banging his head on the metal vent canopy.

"Like, this is such a bad idea," Nazz complained softly as she crawled. "This place is dustier than that old abandoned house in Peach Creek, and I'm allergic to- ACHOO!"

Nazz sneezed as some dust mites floated up her nose.

"Gesundheit, Nazz," Edd said politely.

"Bless you, Nazz," Jimmy added.

"Ugh… thanks, guys, I guess," Nazz replied, recovering from her sneeze.

Fortunately for her, they managed to reach the other end of the vent before very long, where they could now make out the voice much more clearly. As Edd listened, the voice sounded very familiar, almost like Billy Ray Cyrus.

"Wait… is that who I think it is?" Edd whispered.

"Hyuk hyuk hyuk!" came the very familiar Southern drawl on the other side of the grate. "Well, _that_ ' _s_ in perfect condition, as usual! Yes, sirree, Bob, long as I got _that_ there baby workin' fer me, dis ol' bod ain't _never_ gon' git weak!"

"That voice… that's Grubba!" Nazz whispered.

Indeed, as it turned out, the vent connected the champion's quarters to Grubba's office, passing through the first floor of the storeroom on the way.

"'Course, I'mma hafta watch my tootsies here fer a li'l bit," Grubba was heard saying on the other side of the vent grate. "I mean, first I let dat King K ijit walk in on me when I was with, well, _that_ … Bandy Andy, too… security found 'em both in the attic 'fore six A.M. just this mornin'. I thought I'd locked 'em away more secure-like… 'n now, fer whate'er reason, I can't seem to shake the feelin' dat Jolene 'n Eduardo 'n all o' them 're onto me…"

As the kids listened in on this shocking revelation, Rolf and Edd both balled their hands into fists, rage building inside them, while Nazz, Jimmy, and Eduardo Junior listened in a mixture of shock and disgust. Edd and Nazz, being in front, watched Grubba through the vent grate.

"Meh, well, I'll just burn that there bridge when the time comes," Grubba continued, speaking to no one. "Yeppers, I'll just disappear 'em! Them 'n dat Gonzales lot, too! Just like I did to them others… like I did to the first champ, Prince Mush!"

"So all this time… the perp behind the missing fighters was..." began Nazz quietly.

"The promoter himself," Edd finished angrily. " _Grubba_."

"Hoo-wee, if King K 'n Andy wake up from them comas, they could blow the lid off this thing," Grubba kept saying to himself. "Eh, I don't think they will. I'll just disappear 'em again, like Prince Mush. I'll just be hidin' the paper all 'bout _that_ in this here desk drawer…"

"Prince Mush?" Jimmy whispered frightfully.

"After the match, Eddy told me that Master Crash told him that Prince Mush was the first champion of the Glitz Pit, before Rawk Hawk," Edd explained softly. "But he mysteriously vanished without a trace… and now we know why."

The kids and the little Yoshi heard the sound of a drawer opening and closing, as Edd and Nazz watched Grubba hide a mysterious document inside his desk drawer.

"There we go now," Grubba soliloquized. "Y'know what, though? Since I'm thinkin' aloud here… Good fighters ain't nuttin' to be messin' wit'. Even _Rawk Hawk_ lost to Eduardo 'n his squad, 'n they're just a bunch o' kids! Man, I can't believe how fast they'd climbed up to the top. Them new champs might have to disappear pretty soon… for my sake. Much as I hate to be disappointin' all them fans o' theirs, I gotta do what I gotta to keep my secret… well, secret. Well, gotta git while the gittin's good. I'll just be lockin' dis room up tighter 'n a peanut butter jar at a squirrel convention."

Edd and Nazz watched as Grubba opened the door and exited the office, locking the door in the process.

"Is he gone?" Eduardo Junior asked.

"Yeah," Nazz replied.

"Everyone crawl back a bit," Edd said.

"Why?" Rolf asked.

"This space is too tight for Jimmy to climb over us and hammer the grate," Edd explained.

"So how we gonna open it, Dad?" Eduardo asked.

"Like this," the sock-headed boy replied rather smugly. He turned to face the grate, held out his hand, and spoke loudly:

"Pathi-Flare!"

In a small explosion, the grate flew off of the wall and smacked into the opposite wall, just barely missing the computer on Grubba's desk. One by one, Edd and Nazz climbed out first and entered Grubba's office. Edd then allowed the little Yoshi to climb onto his head as Nazz helped Jimmy down to the floor, while Rolf climbed out last.

"He stashed the dubious document in his desk drawer," Edd noted. "As much as I hate to sully the property of others, this is a matter of life and death we're facing here."

Edd approached the drawer on the opposite side of Grubba's desk and opened it. Immediately he spotted and extracted the document that Grubba had stashed away. As he examined the paper, he was shocked at the familiarity of the document.

"Oh, dear, oh, my!" he exclaimed.

"What is it, Double-D?" Nazz asked as she and the others gathered around him.

"Why, we've… we've seen this paper before!" Edd explained.

"We have?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes, indeed, Jimmy!" Edd replied. "Don't you remember? We found this in the minor-league locker room on a previous tip from X before Jolene confiscated it from us!"

"What does it read, sharp-witted Ed-boy?" Rolf asked.

"It appears these are the blueprints for… for a machine housed directly beneath the fighting arena, powered by the Crystal Star we've been seeking here!" Edd exclaimed, alarmed as he allowed his equally-shocked companions to view the document. "This means that Grubba had the ancient gem in his possession all along! Gah, how did we not see this?!"

"Well, like, what does it do, exactly, Double-D?" Nazz inquired.

"Well, if the schematics and formulas written on this paper are correct, then… oh, my! This machine siphons the life force of one source and transfers it to another," Edd explained, growing increasingly alarmed. "From what we've overheard, it seemed that King K and Bandy Andy caught Grubba in the act, and in response, Grubba drained their life force and transferred it to himself! This is why they looked like zombies fresh out of Ed's copious horror films, and why they're currently comatose in the hospital! Even as I say this out loud, I realize how ludicrous this must sound, but there appears to be no other rational explanation!"

Suddenly, the doorknob began rattling, signaling that someone was entering the office.

"Eep!" Jimmy squeaked in fright. "I think that's Grubba! We gotta hide before he finds us!"

"No, Jimmy! We're not hiding," Edd fired back. "We're putting an end to this."

The door opened, and as the Eduardos watched, Grubba re-entered the office.

"Freeze, mister!" Edd demanded angrily.

The promoter jumped in surprise at the sight of the new champions in his office.

"GREAT GALLOPIN' GULPITS!" he shouted. "How in tarnation did _y_ ' _all_ git in here?"

"Oh, please, drop the high-falutin' hootenannies, _Grubba_ ," Nazz fired back, disgusted and mimicking Grubba's Tennessee accent as Edd held up the dubious blueprints.

"Well, slap me 'n call me Sassafras! Y'all 're starin' at my secret paper, too!" Grubba continued angrily.

"We know all about your 'secret paper,' and how you're responsible for fighters going 'missing without a trace,'" Edd retorted. "It's over."

"Yeah, you make me sick, you monster!" Eduardo Junior added. "So, out with it! Why'd you drain King K and Bandy Andy, huh? And did you do that to this Prince Mush guy, too?"

"Whoa, Nellie, this ain't good!" Grubba yelled. "Y'all ain't gittin' me that simple!"

As soon as he finished that last sentence, Grubba hightailed it out of the office.

"After him!" Rolf shouted.

Edd and his team ran out of the office after Grubba, pursuing him through the hallways until they spotted him running into the arena.

"This can't be good, guys," Nazz said nervously.

"We should gather our new friends, too, to help us bring this amoral, monstrous, unconscionable criminal to justice," Edd explained, facing his teammates.

"What's the plan, Dad?" Eduardo asked.

"Eduardo, Rolf, you stick with me," Edd stated. "Nazz, go pick up Eddy at his souvenir stand. Jimmy, round up Mario and his team in the major-league locker room. Have them meet us in the arena, posthaste."

"Got it!" Nazz and Jimmy proclaimed simultaneously with thumbs-ups. Nazz darted off in the direction of the Pit entrance to fetch Eddy, while Jimmy returned to the major-league locker room to fetch Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Madame Flurrie. While they fulfilled their respective tasks, Edd, Rolf, and Eduardo Junior approached the arena from the challenger's side, where Edd cast Pathi-Flare to break down the door for the second time in one day.

The arena was now empty, with every single seat now unoccupied. The jumbotron screens and the overhead stage lights had been turned off, leaving only the lights from the ceiling operational. Grubba stood in the center of the ring, with a very menacing sneer on his face. Edd, Rolf, and Eduardo Junior climbed into the ring to face him down directly.

"Y'know, I gotta say, y'all're some slack-jawed ijits, sniffin' round my business," the promoter growled.

"And rightfully so, you sociopathic barbarian," Edd growled back. "We cannot allow this criminality to continue unchecked. Either come quietly, or we will have to use force."

"I think not," Grubba shot back. "See, now y'all know my secret, y'all're gonna hafta take a li'l ol' dirt nap."

Grubba pulled out his microphone and pressed a button concealed on the bottom of the device. Suddenly, the whole room began to rumble and shake, nearly throwing Edd, Rolf, and Eduardo off balance. The three jumped back just in time as a three-by-three zone in the center of the ring seemed to lower themselves into a hidden chamber along with the promoter. The rumbling continued, as seconds later, a large machine rose into the room. The large device itself sat on top of something that resembled a large birdcage, with a monitor and electronic keyboard near the opening. Inside the cage stood Grubba, the sneer on his face widening even more menacingly.

"And this is your life-force-siphoning contraption, no doubt," Edd said.

"My, my, ain't we all smart, all E. Gadd like?" Grubba retorted.

Eduardo Junior looked up and saw something on top of the device, acting as its power source.

"DAD! LOOK!" he called, pointing. "Up there!"

Following the little Yoshi's gaze, Edd and Rolf looked up and saw exactly what they were looking for:

"Bohemian! There it is! The Crystal Star!" Edd exclaimed. There, plain as day, was the real Gold Crystal Star they had sought for days, serving as the power source for the menacing contraption.

Grubba laughed evilly and boisterously.

"Well, how y'all like my machine? Purty dang nice, huh?" he guffawed. "Yes, sirree, Bob, I been usin' this baby to suck up power from my fighters!" He followed this up with a loud slurping noise from his lips. "All o' dat jargon 'bout me carin' bout my fighters is all a load o' crock!"

"Why would you commit such abhorrent crimes?" Edd demanded.

"Y'all wanna know why?" Grubba laughed. "'Cuz it keeps my bod _forever young_! Yuppers, this baby's my own personal, what-cha-ma-call, 'Fountain o' Youth' type o' thangs! My ex-wife's gon' regret ever leavin' me fer her trainer once she gits a load o' me! I can 'n I _will_ git back my ol' glory days this way!"

"You horrid harstimer!" Rolf growled. "He-who-speaks-loud shall rile Rolf's radish NO MORE!"

"You're gonna pay for using a Crystal Star like that!" Eduardo Junior added.

"I'll use MY Crystal Star however I diggety-dang please!" Grubba fired back.

"No matter. We still have you outnumbered!" Edd proclaimed.

"Is that so, now? See, what y'all got in numbers, I got in strength," Grubba countered. "See, what y'all ijits don't git is, I don't keep everyone's life force in this bod; heck, some of it's excess, so I jus' dump it! Now git a load o' THIS! MUUUUUUSCLE-UP!"

Grubba clenched his teeth and his fists and began to shake as the machine amplified the power of the Gold Crystal Star resting on top.

"Everyone back!" Rolf shouted, pulling Edd and Eduardo Junior back as the machine continued to rumble, as though it were going to explode. As they watched, Grubba underwent a very disturbing transformation: his scaly skin went from blue to bright orange, his hat flew off and was replaced by fiery-like spiked hair, his suit jacked became a large spiked shell, and he nearly tripled in size – Grubba was now almost as tall as his machine as he towered over his current opponents. In fact, he now almost resembled the visual description of Mario's long-time nemesis, Bowser. He gave his battle cry, in a now deeper voice to reflect his size:

" **MAAAAAAACHO-GRUBBAAAAAAA!** "

"Dang! Grubba beefed up!" Eduardo Junior yelled.

" **Hoo-wee! I'mma smoosh y'all into guacamole 'n snack on YER life force, too!** " Grubba boomed. " **'Cuz I'm a powerhouse now, y'all pesterin' li'l pieces o' prairie piffle! Long's I got dis here machine, my bod'll be rough, tough, 'n ultrabuff!** "

"You are one sick sociopath!" Edd shouted. _All right_ , _Eddward_ , _focus your energy_ …

"Fireball!"

Edd launched a ball of fire at "Macho" Grubba, who simply raised his hand to dispel the move with ease.

"What the-?" Edd exclaimed, surprised.

" **Pa-thetic!** " Grubba shouted. " **Y'all ijits can't do a diggety-dang thang to me! I'm IN-VINCIBLE!** "

"No matter," Edd said. "Rolf! Go!"

Rolf darted toward the mammoth-sized monster and swung his bag. While it struck Grubba, however, even that force didn't amount to anything against him.

"Ya really think you're all that 'n a bag of mushrooms?" Eduardo Junior shouted. "Here! Try this!"

The little Yoshi darted up to him, but suddenly stopped as he realized he had no shot. _Junior_ , _you nimrod_! _He_ ' _s too big to gulp AND too big to ground pound_!

While Eduardo was distracted, Grubba just laughed and smacked him aside with his hammer-like hand, causing him to yelp and fly backwards against the floor. The large behemoth raised his foot, intending to flatten the little Yoshi to death, but Edd sprang into action and scooped his "son" out of the way just in time.

Finally, Nazz and Jimmy arrived with Eddy and the Gonzales squad in tow.

"Hey, Sockhead!" Eddy called. "We're here, so- WHAT THE HECK?!"

"Jeepers!" Jimmy yelped.

"Mamma-mia!" Mario shouted. "He looks-a like-a Bowser!"

"Zut alors!" Madame Flurrie exclaimed.

"Is-is- IS THAT GRUBBA?!" Eddy screamed.

"Yes!" Edd called, as he, Rolf, and Eduardo continued to dodge Grubba's attacks. "Help us! Grubba's deceived us from the start! He's the one responsible for fighters disappearing!"

"Yeah, Eddy, he's been using the Crystal Star on top of his machine to do it!" Nazz explained. "We saw the blueprints in his desk!"

As the others took in the monstrous sight that was Macho Grubba, Eddy was shocked to see what his current employer had become. "No way…"

Seconds later, Eddy pulled himself together and reverted back to his usual self.

"Well, heh heh, looks like it's time for the great Eddy-Dini to save the day once again," he chuckled.

"HURRY UP AND SAVE IT, THEN!" Eduardo Junior called.

Growling, Eddy hopped into the arena, followed by Nazz, Jimmy, and the Gonzales squad. Almost immediately, about half of the group was then swatted away by Grubba's Hulk-sized arms.

"How in the heck did he turn into THIS?!" Goombella asked.

"He's had the real Crystal Star all along!" Edd replied, panicked. "He used its power to transform into this monstrosity!"

Suddenly a pained yelp from Madame Flurrie garnered the group's attention as they saw her crash into several of the stands.

"C'mon, guys, let's take Grubb-zilla down!" Nazz shouted.

Shouting angrily, Grubba threw a huge punch and got Rolf in the face, sending him flying across the room; but the son of a shepherd got back up and charged at him again.

"I got this!" Koops yelled.

The teenaged Koopa ducked inside his shell and performed a shell-toss, striking Grubba hard in his foot and sending him off balance.

"Hee-hee! You got him!" Mario said, congratulating Koops.

" **Well, now, actually** ," Grubba said darkly. " **…I got y'all.** "

It became apparent immediately what he was referring to: Grubba began teetering, intent on flattening everyone as he fell.

"Guys," Edd said, terrified. " _Run_!"

Everyone scattered in random directions, trying to avoid the blast… well, almost everyone. Edd and Koops looked back and saw that Jimmy had "rooted" himself to where he was standing.

"JIMMY! HURRY!" Edd called.

"I-I-I c-c-can't move!" he replied, quavering. Apparently Jimmy's frightened state kicked in at the worst time, and he was in real danger of being flattened.

Quickly, Edd and Koops rushed over to Jimmy and barely managed to extract the pale boy just as Grubba prat-fell on the ground. Unfortunately, Grubba recovered a bit too quickly and managed to knock out Koops with one punch, sending him skidding across the ring and right into a wall.

"Koops!" Goombella called.

This distraction was all that Grubba needed to knock out Goombella as well with another punch. Suddenly, a tribal shout could be heard from overhead. Edd and Rolf recognized that shout – Eddy had climbed on top of the cage near the machine and had revived his old Mucky-Boys chant. He then propelled himself downward, striking Grubba on the head.

" **GAAAAH!** " was the pained reply from Grubba, as Eddy had apparently finally found the psychotic promoter's weak point. Eddy immediately jumped off of him and landed back on top of the cage.

"Eddy! His head! That must be his weak point!" Edd congratulated.

"No duh, Sockhead," Eddy retorted.

" **Y'all still goin' at me like y'all think ya got a chance? Heh, that's actually funny** ," Grubba laughed.

"You are positively psychotic!" Edd shouted, pointing at Grubba. "Eat fire!"

Once again, a shot of flame flew from Edd's hand and struck Grubba, who remained unfazed. Edd panicked and canceled out the fire move. _He won_ ' _t burn_! _Oh_ , _what am I to do now_?

"HELP! HEEEEELP!"

Jimmy's panicked shouting snapped Edd out of his thoughts. Everyone looked up at the horrifying sight of Grubba dangling poor Jimmy over the ground.

"You put him down this instant!" Edd shouted.

" **Anyone moves, 'n this kiddie here gits a poundin'!** " Grubba threatened, ignoring Edd's demand.

"You wouldn't dare!" Eduardo Junior gasped.

" **Oh, wouldn't I?** " Grubba challenged. " **Y'all want 'im to live, I suggest y'all surrender right now.** "

It was bad enough that Jimmy was prone to accidents back in Peach Creek, but now it seemed Grubba would follow through on his threat. Not wanting him to die, everyone who had a weapon lay them down on the ground.

" **Now I know y'all got Crystal Stars o' yer own, 'n that's how y'all been doin' them special moves,** " the murderous promoter continued. " **Hand 'em over to me, 'n maybe when I make y'all disappear, it'll be painless.** "

Reluctantly, Mario produced the Diamond Star, and Rolf produced the Emerald Star, both of which were handed to Edd. The sock-headed boy maintained a straight face as he approached Grubba with both Crystal Stars in hand; internally however, Grubba's demand for the other two Crystal Stars provided Edd with a plan to catch the promoter off guard.

" **Excellent,** " he boomed." **Now give 'em to me.** "

Edd slowly approached Grubba with the Diamond Star in his hands, focusing his positive energy into the gem.

" **Yes…** " the promoter sneered.

"Yes, indeed," Edd replied smugly. "Catch!"

Edd tossed the Diamond Star into the air, and as it ascended, it nearly tripled in size. Before Grubba could catch it in time, it bounced on the floor repeatedly with enough force to summon an Earth Tremor. It worked – Grubba struggled to maintain his balance, and dropped Jimmy in the process, while Nazz rushed forward to catch him in mid-fall.

" **Grrrrr-aaaagh! THIS AIN'T OVER YET!** " Grubba bellowed.

He retaliated with an "Earth Tremor" of his own, jumping off the ground and landing with such force enough to knock everyone to the floor, with Nazz passing out and Jimmy too scared to move.

"THIS ENDS NOW, HE-WHO-STEALS-LIFE!" Rolf shouted from the ceiling. In the distractions that ensued, no one had noticed him climb up to the ceiling where Eddy had been just moments ago. With a shout in his native tongue, the son of a shepherd jumped down toward Grubba.

" **NOT THIS TIME, CHUMP!** " he bellowed as he caught Rolf in mid-descent and slammed him down onto the ground, knocking him out cold.

This left only Edd, Eddy, Eduardo Junior, and Mario still standing.

"What do we do, fellows?" Edd shouted in a panic as he realized this.

"We have enough-a Star Power, let's-a use-a the Diamond Star again!" Mario suggested, brandishing the Diamond Star.

" **NOPE, NOT TODAY** , **GONZALES!** " Grubba boomed, intercepting the move and grabbing Mario in his oversized Hulk-like hand.

"NO!" came the collective shout of Edd, Eddy, and Eduardo.

Edd whipped out his rod, and yelled: "FLARE!"

He charged forward, his rod now transformed again into the flaming sword he used during the title match, and swung with all of his might, delivering a flaming slash to Grubba's feet.

" **YEEARRGH! DANG IT ALL, THAT SMARTS!** " growled the sociopathic lizard-man. This proved enough for Grubba to release Mario; however, he landed hard in the stands and passed out upon impact.

"Hey Dad, lemme see that!" Eduardo called.

Edd handed him the flame-sword, and Eduardo charged forward and hurled the weapon upwards with surprisingly great force for a little Yoshi. The weapon penetrated the left side of Grubba's sunglasses and pierced his left eye, disabling half of his sight.

"Good toss, Eduardo!" Edd commended.

Grubba, at his wit's end, let out a frustrated growl. With a mighty swing, he back-handed the little Yoshi with enough force to send him bouncing off the wall and knocking him out.

"EDUARDO!" Edd yelled in horror, rushing to his "son's" side. "No, no, no, no, no, no…"

" **Eh, he was a li'l brat anyway,** " Grubba chuckled.

Edd let out perhaps his most enraged scream yet as Grubba raised his foot one more time to stomp them. Quickly, the sock-headed boy secured the little Yoshi onto his back, and they both barely managed to evade the attack.

" **So-called champs o' the Glitz Pit. I knew y'all'd be too easy** ," Grubba guffawed, leering over Edd. " **Now, looks like I'mma hafta bring the pain when I disappear y'all.** "

"OH, SHUT UP ALREADY, YOU FAT JERK!" Eddy yelled angrily from his perch on top of the cage, near Grubba's machine.

" **You! Eddy, was it?** " Grubba bellowed, rounding on Eddy. " **Man, I been wantin' to disappear** _ **you**_ **since the day ya woke up here, ya teeny loudmouth.** "

"Man, you're crazier than I thought!" Eddy fired back. "I actually looked up to you! I can't believe I actually thought you were better than my bro! Now drop the Godzilla act, already!"

" **Hoo, man, that's some good comedy,** " laughed the behemoth. " **Man, how I will miss that when I make ya disappear.** "

"Ha! You ain't gonna do nothin' to me!"

" **Oh, really?** "

"You've already lost."

Unbeknownst to Grubba, Eddy had discovered that the Earth Tremors had broken the support for the machine, and casually rolled it off of the top of the cage on top of Grubba, instantly knocking him out and dislodging the Gold Crystal Star in the process. As the remaining heroes recovered and regained consciousness, they witnessed as the star's power wore off, reverting Grubba back to his smaller, blue-skinned self, no longer resembling Bowser. The Star, meanwhile, had landed close to the edge of the arena, perched near the boundary directly in front of the cage. Eddy climbed down from the top of the cage and back onto the arena floor.

"No…" Grubba groaned in pain and defeat. "How'd a perfect… bod like mine… lose to… a bunch o' kids?"

"Overconfidence leads to irrational behavior," Edd scolded.

"Great… g-great fight there, Eduardo," Grubba groaned. "Urggghhh…"

"Well done, everyone," a voice congratulated from the challenger's side of the room. Everyone turned and saw Jolene standing there, relieved.

"Jolene!" came the collective reply of anyone who was still standing.

"Congratulations, Teams Eduardo and Gonzales… no… Eddward and Mario. Please allow me to offer my sincerest thanks for taking down that foul Grubba."

"Wh… what are you doing here?" Edd inquired.

"I'm here to finish what I started," Jolene replied. "I do owe you all my sincerest apologies… I'm terribly sorry that I had to get you involved in all this… But please, you must understand. By any means necessary, I needed to learn the truth about the Glitz Pit."

"So then… this X who's been contacting us…" Edd began, the realization of X's identity sinking in.

"Correct. It was I," Jolene explained.

"But why?" Jimmy asked.

"Let me tell you everything," the manager responded. "I had a younger brother who went by the name of Mushbert; Mush for short. He would have done anything for me. See, we Toadwallers were always poor, struggling financially to make ends meet. Our mother was barely able to put food on our table and clothes on our backs while paying the bills with what minimum wage she made at her job. So Mush decided to do something about it."

"He became a fighter at the Glitz Pit to support the family financially. For a while, it was great. As he rose up the ranks, the coins began to roll in. Then Mush became the first champion, and we were finally able to afford our dream home in Toad Town. But then… one day, he vanished without a trace, and the coins stopped coming. Not only was our family inconsolable, but we were in danger of losing our home and going right back to where we started."

"I began to suspect that Mush's disappearance was no accident, so I got myself hired as manager to conduct my own secret investigation. One day, as I was looking for clues about Mush, I accidentally walked in on Grubba as he transformed. Seeing what I was up against, I had all but abandoned hope… until you all came along. Particularly you, Mr. Eduardo, and your friends. Because you were all rising up the ranks so quickly, I felt a glimmer of hope rekindled, so I decided to guide you in secret, under the pseudonym of X. I knew you were the only ones who could challenge Grubba and expose him for the criminal he is."

Everyone stood silently, a mix of shock and sadness crossing their faces and hearts as Jolene finished sharing her tale of woe. She immediately crossed to where Grubba lay sprawled on the ground, her expression changing to one of anger.

"Now, sir… no, Grubba! Not 'sir!'" she demanded. "I want the truth, right now! What did you do with my precious little brother?"

"I… I d-dunno what… what yer talkin' 'bout," Grubba groaned.

"Don't you pull that with me!" Jolene snapped. "You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about! My brother, the first champion, _Prince Mush_! Where is he?!"

"Urggh… P-Prince Mush, he… saw me usin' my power-suckin' machine," Grubba grumbled. "So… so I made him disappear… any which way ya look at it, toots… Mush ain't-ain't 'round here no more…"

"…No," Jolene cried. "I suspected as much… Oh, poor, sweet Mush…"

"Grubba, you foul, loathsome, self-absorbed monster," Edd seethed.

Jimmy shared Jolene's pain and began to cry himself, and pulled Koops and Nazz into an emotional group hug, while Eduardo Junior hugged Edd. Everyone silently mourned the loss of Prince Mush, the first champion of the Glitz Pit who – as it turned out – was Jolene's brother, with whom she was very close.

"For all of her pragmatism, she truly loved her brother," Edd noted.

As they mourned, they were suddenly startled by a sudden flash.

"Look, guys!"

Nazz called the group's attention to the Crystal Star, which began to shake and spin rapidly as it levitated off of the ground. As it did so, the shape and form of a young male Toad materialized in a golden light. The power of the Star gently lowered him onto the stage, and the light faded shortly afterwards. This Toad looked similar to Jolene; he sported the same wave style of blonde hair and an identical mushroom cap with magenta spots, but he lacked glasses and wore a navy blue fighter's gi with white shoes. As everyone watched, slack-jawed, the young Toad opened his eyes.

"Whoa… where… is this… am I really back at the Glitz Pit?" he remarked quizzically, his eye vision becoming more and more clear. "And… who are you people?"

Jolene knew immediately who this young man was, and she rushed over to him.

"MUSH!"

 _ **Mushbert "Mush" Toadwaller**_ _, aka "_ _ **Prince Mush**_ _," is Jolene's 19-year-old younger brother and the first champion of the Glitz Pit, predating the reign of Rawk Hawk. One day, he vanished after discovering Grubba's secret, prompting Jolene to launch her own investigation. Generally, outside of the ring, he is a sweet person – he only joined the Glitz Pit to help his family stay afloat financially._

"Jo?! That you?" he piped up.

Immediately Mush was caught in Jolene's tearful embrace. Edd and the others, with the exception of Eddy, couldn't help but smile as they watched the spectacle unfold.

"Oh, Mush! You're alive!" Jolene cried. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been? Mom's been inconsolable for so long!"

"I… I'm sorry, Jo, I didn't mean to make anyone worry," Mush apologized. "But it's great to finally see you again! Say, what are you doing here, anyhow?"

"Don't worry about that, Mush. The nightmare's finally over," Jolene said. "Grubba was finally exposed for his crimes."

Jolene directed her brother's attention to the promoter, who lay dazed and wounded beneath the remains of his machine.

"I want you to meet some people, Mush," she continued, approaching Edd and his friends.

"Greetings, Mush, my name's Eddward," said Edd, extending his hand to the young Toad for a handshake.

"Oh, uh, hello, Eddward, it's nice to meet you," Mush replied.

After Edd introduced himself, the other heroes went around, one-by-one, and introduced themselves.

"Hi, I'm Nazz."

"My name's Jimmy."

"I am Rolf, son of a shepherd."

"Eduardo Junior. What's shakin'?"

"It's-a me! Mario!"

"Hey, I'm Koops."

"Call me Goombella!"

"Bonjour! Je m'appelle Madame Flurrie."

"Name's Eddy McGee, don'tcha forget it!"

"It's nice to meet all of you," Mush replied. "Say, were you the ones who solved it?"

"Yes, we are," Edd replied.

"This stupid lizard was drainin' people to stay young forever!" Eddy complained. "Who knows how long he's been doing it for?"

"Oh, dear, or how many fighters he may have drained in the past, even before Mush, and King K, and Andy," Edd gasped with worry.

"And I'd-a gotten away wit it, too, if'n ain't fer y'all meddlin' kids!" Grubba groaned.

"You stole that from an old cartoon!" Eddy fired back.

"In any case, to prevent this sort of power from ever falling into the wrong hands again, Eduardo, the Crystal Star is yours," Jolene said, picking up the Crystal Star and handing it to Edd.

At long last, after several long days involving getting into fights and solving a dastardly mystery, the Gold Crystal Star was finally in the possession of the heroes. Edd held the gem aloft, and it hovered out of his hands and flew in quick circles around the room, bathing the heroes – Eddy and Eduardo Junior included – in its warm, golden light, enabling the use of the Power Lift special move before returning to Edd's hands. Now with three Crystal Stars in the heroes' possession, Grubba defeated, and two new allies by their side, the heroes could finally leave Glitzville behind and continue their quest for the remaining four Stars. It wouldn't be long before they heard from Princess Peach and the Kanker Sisters again…

 **End of Chapter Three**


	29. 3-13: Undercover Assignment

**Third Intermission**

 **Part 1: Undercover Assignment**

Princess Peach and the Kanker Sisters had been invited by TEC back into his mainframe terminal chamber so they could secretly watch television to pass some time. Currently, TEC had his satellite tuned in to the Glitz Network, dedicated to capturing the fights at Glitzville as they happened.

"Whoa! Didja see that?!" Marie exclaimed. "I knew my man had some fight in him! But where'd he learn how to do that fire-shootin' thing?"

"Ah, it appears my Mario has won again," Peach said, ignoring Marie's question. "Even though he was eliminated from the fight…"

"My little Eddy did the best finishin' line ever!" Lee exclaimed. Even though it was on television, she was excited to finally see her "boyfriend" again.

However, there was only one who wasn't watching with the same excitement as the others. Behind her sisters, May emitted a heavy, distraught sigh.

"Man, Lee and Marie got to see their boyfriends on TV, but it's been days, and still no sign of Big Ed," she lamented to herself. "Where is he? Did he get hurt? Does he need me to take care of him?"

"Yo, May!" Lee called, snapping May out of her funk. "Snap out of it!"

"Huh? Oh… yeah, yay, Eddy," May mumbled.

Soon, TEC switched off the television and reverted "his" monitor back to the blank screen with text spelling out every word that "he" spoke.

"Now that you have finished viewing your program, I must ask something of you… something that's slightly more risky," TEC explained.

"Risky?" Lee piped up. "Risky's our middle name, TEC-y boy!"

"Um… of course, TEC, go ahead," Peach said.

"I need one of you to go where Sir Grodus is and ask him a question," TEC said.

"What?!" came the ladies' collective shocked reaction.

"You kiddin' me? I can't even look at the man's face without throwin' up a little!" Lee griped.

"What do you mean, 'go ask?'" Peach added.

"Yes, well, I recently obtained specific information that brought an… _issue_ to my attention," said TEC.

"You _are_ the main computer in this dump, right?" Marie griped. "So why don't ya know some stuff?"

"Strange as it seems, I agree with Marie," Peach concurred. "TEC, why is there anything you don't know?"

"I am unable to know anything that has not been otherwise recorded or entered in my CPU," TEC replied. "That is why I desire to know what Sir Grodus is thinking about said issue."

"But if we do try to go and see him, we'll be caught and sent back to the holding room," Peach fretted.

"That is true… but there is a soldier's room two floors up," TEC noted. "You need only use the elevator. Once you find and enter the room in question, you will find that it is a room where soldiers change in an out of their uniforms."

TEC then displayed a diagram of the room in question. From what the ladies observed, it appeared to be a locker room.

"Once you've arrived, please obtain a soldier's uniform and change into it, allowing you to move about undetected," the AI continued.

"So we'll be in disguise, then," Lee commented.

"I'm sorry, Lee Kanker, but I have detected only one spare uniform in the soldier's room," TEC clarified. "As such, only one of you may carry out this task."

"And who's _that_ gonna be, Mr. Techno?" May queried indignantly.

"I shall leave this decision to you," TEC replied.

"Well, um… how shall we decide this?" Peach asked.

"We draw straws," Lee said, producing four straws from her pocket. "Shortest straw goes to see dome-head."

Peach drew first, followed by May and Marie. The ladies observed their straws: Peach's straw was the second-longest, while Lee had the longest straw and May had the second-shortest.

"Ugh," Marie groaned, as she had the shortest straw.

"It seems you've come to a consensus," TEC interceded. "According to your results, Marie Kanker shall be the one to undertake this task."

Before Marie could complain, TEC activated a robotic arm that contained an earpiece that resembled a Bluetooth wireless hands-free communicator.

"Insert this device into your ear to maintain discreet communication," TEC explained.

"Yeah, yeah, don't wear out your circuit junk," Marie griped.

She took the earpiece and reluctantly fitted it into her right ear before leaving the room and re-entering the hallway. As she approached the center of the corridor, a nearby set of doors slid open, startling her.

"Proceed through those doors into the elevator," TEC explained through the earpiece.

"Jeez, bossy much?" Marie griped.

She proceeded to entered the elevator and leaned against the wall. The doors closed again, and the elevator slowly began to ascend.

"Upon arrival, your destination shall be the room with the green light above the door," TEC explained. "Proceed through there."

"Yeah, and don't screw it up!" Lee mocked.

"Yeah, Marie!" May added. "You can't just-"

Marie sighed exasperatedly and clicked off her headset.

XXX000XXX000XXX

After what felt like a long minute, the elevator slowly came to a stop on the floor in question. The doors opened, and Marie exited the elevator. Once the doors closed, she quickly glanced to her left and her right to make sure no one was around – or at the very least, no one was paying attention to her. Sly as a fox, Marie quickly found and entered the room that TEC indicated, with a green light above the door. It wasn't hard – in fact, the room in question was directly next door to the elevator.

"Well, okay, here I am," she said, entering the room.

The blue-haired middle Kanker sister looked around the room. It was a soldier's locker room and changing room, just as TEC had indicated. There were two rows of lockers, one row on top of the other, lining the walls on the upper-left half of the room. In front of the lockers sat a single gray table, with benches surrounding it. Next to the lockers, over by the northeastern corner of the room, were two stalls for changing clothes, with pink curtains serving as both their access point and a means of prohibiting any looky-loos from peeping.

"Okay, so where is that dang uniform?" Marie groaned.

As she said this, she seemed to answer her own question when she spotted the lockers near the back.

"Oh, no duh, stupid," she retorted to herself, slapping her forehead.

Marie approached the lockers and expected them to be locked, but was surprised when she successfully pulled the door open. She also did this with a locker right next to it. _Man_ , _these X_ - _drips are just askin_ ' _to get their clothes jacked_ , she thought mischievously to herself. _Guess someone beat me to the punch_ , _though_ – _these lockers are empty_.

She opened the locker next to those two and found Erixon's X-Naut uniform inside. She gasped and let out a frustrated groan at the size of the uniform before turning her earpiece back on. Immediately she heard May's voice yelling.

"…can't do anything right with your man-"

"Dang it, TEC!" Marie shouted, cutting off May's rant. "This uniform's too small! Is this really the only size they come in? You want me to wear this teeny thing?"

"Yes, that is correct, Marie Kanker," TEC replied. "Please do not dawdle."

Marie begrudgingly removed the uniform from the locker and entered the leftmost changing stall, where she swapped her outfit for the X-Naut uniform.

"Ugh, this thing is too tight!" she groaned as she struggled to maintain her composure in the very-tightly fit uniform. "It kinda smells, too. And that's sayin' somethin', since I live in a trailer park."

With one more strained groan, Marie successfully forced herself to fit into the uniform.

"Well… I did it," she groaned. "Man, it's hard to breathe in this stupid thing…"

Marie emerged from the changing stall, now fully disguised as Erixon, one of the X-Nauts who participated in the failed takeover of the Great Boggly Tree.

 _I bet I look perfect_ , she thought sarcastically to herself. _Man_ , _this Erixon is such a shrimp_ …

"Now that you are in disguise, proceed to Sir Grodus's room," TEC explained over the earpiece. "It is located at the end of the hallway, immediately to your left as you exit the changing room."

"Yeah, sure, let's get this over with," Marie grumbled, switching off the earpiece again.

She left the changing room and proceeded to the door to her left at the end of the hallway, and it slid open to reveal Grodus's throne room. It was a large, octagonal chamber, much larger than the holding cell that she and her sisters were forced to share with Peach. Four pedestals with large purple orbs of energy sat on either side of the throne terminal on the other end of the chamber, and the X-Naut symbol was emblazoned on the center floor. Grodus paced back and forth, deep in thought and not looking at Marie in disguise.

 _Well_ , _there's dome-head_ , she thought to herself as she approached Grodus. _Okay_ , _Marie_ , _play it cool_ , _don't give yourself away_. _It_ ' _s not enough to look like an X_ - _Naut_.

"Um… excuse me, Sir Grodus?" she asked, disguising her voice to sound more masculine.

"Yes, what is it, Erixon? Speak!" he snapped, mad at being snapped out of deep thought.

"Um… yeah, it's about, uh, Princess Peach and those Kanker Sisters," Marie continued, still disguising her voice. "Uh, what do you plan to do with them?"

"Hmm?" Grodus raised his eyebrow. "Something seems wrong with your voice, Erixon."

 _Aw_ , _dang it_ , _I_ ' _ve been had_ , Marie thought to herself.

"Perhaps I have a throat lozenge or two on hand… no, never mind," the X-Naut leader groaned, brushing aside the issue of "Erixon's" voice problems. "What of Princess Peach and the Kankers? I've no interest in anything they've got to say. Just keep them ensconced in the holding room. Of course, I care not what you plan to do with those trashy Kanker Sisters, but make sure they talk. We need any and all information we can pry from them. But do not, and I repeat, do NOT treat the princess roughly! Do you understand? Inform the others of this, as well."

Marie silently growled. _Why_ , _you_ _dome_ - _headed feeb, callin_ ' _me 'n my sisters trashy_!

"You have summoned us, honorable Grodus?" a voice cackled.

Marie, confused, looked around for the source of the voice. About one second later, the Shadow Sirens emerged from the shadows, smack dab in the center of the room, forcing Marie to jump back a bit. Beldam maintained her trademark sneer; Marilyn just stood there like an idiot; Vivian tried desperately to maintain a straight face, even though she felt both scared and sad at the same time.

"Beldam," he seethed, turning to face the Siren leader, who wore a hat with blue and white stripes on her head. "Tell me, what good are you? You still haven't dispatched that Mario character, or that Eddward and his band of children?"

Marie gasped to herself at the mention of her "Oven Mitt." _My dreamboat met these… things_? _Just who_ \- _or WHAT_ \- _are these things_?

"Well, yes, my apologies," Beldam replied. "But only because they're tougher than we thought at first…"

"Now, you _are_ aware that we X-Nauts _must_ be the first to open the door, are you not?" Grodus spat back.

"Mweee-hee-hee-hee-hee," Beldam cackled shrilly. "Rest assured, honorable Grodus, that I shall most certainly obliterate them next time…"

"Oh, do enlighten me, Beldam," Grodus interrupted. "How _do_ you plan to do so?"

"We have prepared a weapon that shall bring the legendary hero, whoever that may be, and his or her friends to a quick and certain end," Beldam snickered.

"I trust your words, though I find my patience rapidly dwindling," the X-Naut leader said, deadly calmly.

"Just leave it to us, sire," the Siren leader said in reply, adding her trademark "Mweee-hee-hee-hee-hee" cackle for show before turning to face her sisters while Grodus looked away. As Marie observed them, she couldn't help but feel that their mannerisms seemed strikingly similar to those of her and her sisters, as well as a trio of boys who shared variations of a single name.

"Um… Beldam, we don't have a weapon like that," Vivian whispered.

"What part of 'speak only when spoken to' did you forget, Vivian?" Beldam whispered back angrily. "Just for that, I'm giving you an extra heaping of punishment when we leave, since that Eddward child dared not lay a hand on you after you put on that pity play in Boggly Woods."

 _Now_ ' _s my chance_ , Marie thought to herself.

"Shall I join them?" she said in her fake masculine voice. "They may need my help."

"After the failure of you and your foot soldiers in Boggly Woods? Not likely," Grodus spat. "You, Erixon, will remain here, along with your squadron."

Vivian whimpered quietly; but it was loud enough for Grodus to turn back around.

"Why do you still linger in my presence, Shadow Sirens?" he snapped. "Be gone!"

"Yes, honorable Grodus," Beldam replied, turning to face her sisters again. "Marilyn! Vivian! Let's away, my lovelies!"

Cackling, Beldam disappeared into the shadows. Marilyn gave a goofy chuckle before disappearing as well. Vivian moaned with fear and worry before following her sisters into the shadows, leaving Marie and Grodus alone once again.

"So, Erixon, what were you saying about the Kanker Sisters and Princess Peach?" the X-Naut leader asked.

"Yes… why are we keeping them here?" she asked, in the same poorly-disguised voice, trying to mask her rage and nervousness.

"That's none of your business, Erixon!" Grodus fired back. "Do not forget your place, you impudent worm! All I require of you is that you concentrate on getting the legendary treasure that rests beneath Rogueport as well as discerning the identity of the legendary hero. We X-Nauts need that treasure so we can conquer the world and make it ours! Don't forget it!" Grodus proclaimed, ignoring "Erixon's" vague question.

"Conquer… the world? Legendary treasure? Legendary hero?" Marie whispered to herself in disbelief. "What is he talking about?"

"Erixon, what are you blathering about now?" Grodus spat, overhearing her. "My, something is off with you today. You're behaving more oddly that usual. But that's a topic for another time. For now, continue interrogating the Kanker Sisters. I know that they know the identity of the legendary hero, and I shall employ whatever measures I can to extract this information from them. Princess Peach, however, shall remain unharmed, by my orders. Dismissed."

"Roger, or whatever, Sir Grodus," Marie replied rather stiffly in her disguised masculine voice, trying to hide the fact that she was about to explode. "So, uh, good talk, Sir Grodus."

Marie left the room slightly more quickly than she came in, leaving Grodus suspicious. She quickly returned to the changing room to change back into her trademark black midriff tank top and green pants before boarding the elevator back to the floor where TEC's room and the holding cell were located.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"TEC, you jerk!"

These were the first words Marie spat out upon rejoining her sisters and Princess Peach in TEC's room. She pulled the earpiece out of her ear and threw it across the room at the wall, missing May by inches.

"Why'd ya switch off the ear-thingy?" Lee demanded. "We wanted to hear what was goin' on!"

"What's goin' on, Lee, is these X-chumps are out to take over the world!" Marie spat back.

"Take over the world?" May inquired. "That's so mean!"

"Is this true?" Peach asked.

"Yeah, it is, Pinky!" Marie replied, facing Peach. "Plain and simple! That dome-head straight up told me that he plans to use that 'legendary treasure' or whatever to take over the world!"

"Oh! Why, TEC, you horrible machine!" Peach gasped angrily, rounding on TEC. "Is this true? Your goal is to conquer the world?"

"Yes, it is true," TEC replied. "After all, I was built for that purpose."

"How could you…?" Peach moaned, angry and disappointed.

"Princess Peach, Kanker Sisters, allow me to ask this question: Do you like the world you live in?" TEC inquired. "There are many problems, many sorrows, in this world and all worlds. Do you like such worlds?"

The Kankers said nothing, as they were too upset with TEC to speak to him following this revelation.

"Of course I do!" Peach replied. "Sure, no one likes _everything_ about the world, but I love the good parts! Just as there is sorrow, there is also joy."

"…Is that so?" TEC asked.

"Tell me, will the Crystal Stars help you conquer the world?" Peach continued. "And what's this treasure?"

"Oh, blah, blah, blah," Marie interrupted. "I got a question! Do you know who this 'legendary hero' is that these feebs keep going on about?"

"I am afraid I cannot answer those questions," TEC responded. "Answering such questions is prohibited by Sir Grodus. However, Marie Kanker, I do believe that you and your sisters know who the legendary hero may be."

"How the heck can we know what we don't know?" Lee added.

"Yeah, I don't know anything!" May piped up.

"Ain't that surprisin'," Lee retorted, facing May.

"How 'bout I surprise you with this, Lee?" May fired back, raising a fist.

"Ladies, please!" Peach said, trying to quell the situation. "We must at least inform Mario and his friends of this awful plan for world domination."

"Eh, Peach's right. We should let our boyfriends know what's happening," Marie agreed. "Besides, Lee, you can finally e-mail Eddy."

"TEC, let us use your communicator," Peach demanded rudely.

"…I suppose I can allow that," TEC replied, using blinking arrows on "his" monitor to indicate the keyboard.

Without so much as a "thank you," Peach went first and typed her e-mail to Mario to inform him of this latest revelation. Once she finished, Marie typed her e-mail to Edd with the information she gathered while undercover. Finally, Lee typed her message to Eddy.

"Send them this instant!" Peach spat, angrily pressing the SEND button once Lee finished typing her e-mail.

The envelope icons appeared on the monitor again, blinking from left to right, indicating that the messages were sent to their respective recipients.

"The messages have been sent," TEC said.

Wordlessly and angrily, the Kankers and Peach left the room, with the princess huffing as she did so, too upset to speak any further with the treacherous AI.

"Good night, Princess Peach," said TEC to no one as "he" entered sleep mode.

 **End of Part One**


	30. 3-14: Millennium Door (4th Visit)

**Third Intermission**

 **Part 2: Millennium Door (4th Visit)**

"Grubba Gulperin, you are under arrest for the attempted murders of KP Pete, Bandy Andy, and Prince Mush, as well as any other fighters you've drained. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law…"

Edd, Mario, and their respective teams, as well as Eddy, Master Crash, the Armored Harriers, Rawk Hawk, Mush, and Jolene were gathered in the Glitz Pit lobby as Grubba was placed under arrest by Glitzville authorities for his myriad crimes. King K and Bandy Andy were still in the hospital, recuperating.

"I sincerely hope your malicious ways have come to their end, Grubba," Edd snapped.

Grubba tried to break free of the officers' grip to lunge at Edd, but was held back.

"Do not resist!" they shouted.

The others watched as the officers dragged away the sociopathic promoter, who continued his struggle to break free. One officer resorted to using a taser on Grubba just to keep him from resisting arrest. Once they were out of the building, Edd turned to Jolene and the other fighters.

"Well, fellows, all things considered, this was fun," he told them. "But alas, this is where we must part ways with the Glitz Pit."

"Oh, you're leaving," Jolene sighed sadly.

"Yes, Miss Jolene," Edd explained. "Now that the mystery of the Glitz Pit has been solved and the Crystal Star is in our possession, we must find the remaining four, lest they fall into the wrong hands."

"I understand. If you must, you must," Jolene replied. "We won't delay you, Mr. Eduardo. I do hope you succeed in finding the remaining Crystal Stars."

"Thank you, Miss Jolene. And I believe you'll need this back," he said, removing the champion's belt and handing the belt back to Jolene.

"Hey, Eduardo," Rawk chimed in, garnering Edd's attention. "I just wanna say – the Rawk Hawk ain't gonna fight dirty anymore. I'm gonna hit the weights, take me some vitamins, and win that title fair and square!"

"Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson, too, Mr. Rawk Hawk," Edd replied.

"And with that, some partin' words: when life rocks you, RAWK BACK!" Rawk proclaimed.

"We'll remember that, dude," Nazz said.

"Hey, what about King K and Bandy Andy?" Jimmy asked.

"I checked in with the BOMB hospital," Master Crash replied. "They've woken up."

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"They're keeping them BOMB for another day. Y'know, for BOMB observation," the Bob-omb elaborated.

"Rolf must say, this que-sera-sera was more than the son of a shepherd could have anticipated," Rolf stated.

"All right, let's blow this pop stand, guys!" Eddy yelled impatiently.

"Ah, yes, we really must be going now," Edd said. "Farewell, comrades!"

Everyone waved goodbye as the Eduardos and the Gonzales squad made their way to the door to return to the Cheeppelin blimp that brought them here.

"Wait! Eddy!" Jolene called. "You can't leave! You have a contract!"

"Lady, the contract was with Grubba, not you," Eddy retorted.

"That doesn't matter," Jolene replied.

"Lemme see that contract again," Eddy said.

Jolene produced the contract that Eddy had signed. After reading it for a few seconds, Eddy snatched the paper out of her hand.

"Sorry, sweet-cheeks, but these guys need me more," said the diminutive scammer. "Besides, wherever Sockhead's goin', I'm goin, too, 'cuz that's how we work."

With that, Eddy ripped the document in half.

"Oh… very well, I'm in no mood to argue," Jolene groaned. "You're free to go, I guess. Eduardo, please keep this firecracker in line."

"Smell ya later!" Eddy called, leaving the building, with Edd's group and Mario's group following him as they expressed their goodbyes.

One by one, everyone boarded the blimp in the town square. Edd went on first, followed by Eduardo Junior and Eddy, then Nazz, Jimmy, Koops, Rolf, Mario, Goombella, and Madame Flurrie.

"Y'know, I ain't been anywhere else besides Glitzville since we wound up in this place," Eddy mused. "Kinda wanna see what else is out there. More suckers for me to scam!"

"Eddy!" Edd chastised.

"Hey, you know, Eddy, you're not the only one who wants to see the world beyond Glitzville," Eduardo Junior chimed in before facing Edd. "Hey, Dad, where's this big fish go?"

"We touch down in Rogueport shortly," Edd replied. "And technically, it's a zeppelin… made to resemble a giant fish."

Edd, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Eddy, and Eduardo Junior sat on one end of the blimp, next to Mario, Goombella, Madame Flurrie, and Koops; the latter seated between Jimmy and Goombella. It was roomier inside the blimp, compared to the lift of the blimp, and so everyone had more space and wasn't crammed together like fruit and vegetables inside a blender. Eddy found room to complain due to his lack of patience, but he was, for the most part, ignored. What wasn't ignored, however, was the sound of the chiptune _Super Mario World_ main theme emanating from Mario's Mailbox SP.

"Whoa, what's that?!" Eddy yelped.

"It's-a my Mailbox SP, Signor Eddy," Mario replied. "Princess-a Peach must-a be contacting-a me."

Mario opened his handheld device and pulled up the latest message from Princess Peach, reading aloud:

"Dearest Mario, the Kanker Sisters and I are healthy and well, but Marie Kanker has discovered something terrible. Perhaps this isn't news to you, but these things… these X-Nauts are planning to take control of the entire world! This is worse than Bowser, who regularly puts the Mushroom Kingdom in his sights. But it's to this end that the X-Nauts are relentlessly searching for the Crystal Stars! I fear that you will all be in severe danger, so please, Mario, watch yourselves. The Kankers and I will continue trying to gather what information we can. Good luck. - Princess Peach Toadstool."

"Taking over the world. How original," Mario sighed.

Before Eddy or anyone else could interject, Edd's laptop emitted the _Ed_ , _Edd n Eddy_ theme, signaling another email alert.

"Oh, my, there are two new messages this time," Edd observed after opening his laptop. "One of them is addressed to you, Eddy."

"Yeah? I bet it's from one of my many fangirls in Glitzville!" Eddy bragged, puffing out his chest. "So who's it from, Sockhead?"

"Oh, dear," Edd cringed. "Well, Eddy, it's from Lee Kanker."

"What?! Lee Kanker?!" Eddy grumbled. "What, she find a new way to torture me?"

"Eddy, we've been over this!" Edd replied. "The Kankers are being held in the same undisclosed location as Princess Peach."

"Oh, so they were kidnapped, too? Well, it's about time!" Eddy grumbled.

"Eddy! That's rude!" Edd protested.

"Oh, come on, Sockhead, it serves them right after all the 'lovey-dovey' torture they always put us through!"

"Are you going to read the e-mail or not, Eddy?"

"Heck no! Delete it!"

"No! I'd be tampering with another's mail!"

"Grrr… Fine, I'll do it, then!"

Grumbling in disgust, Eddy reached over to Edd's keyboard and personally deleted Lee's email to him. While Eddy did have a point, considering their history with the Kankers, Edd still thought it rude not to at least hear them out. Sighing in exasperation, Edd opened Marie's email and read aloud:

"Hey Oven Mitt! So, today, I did some awesome, stealthy ninja stuff. Was that awesome or what? I mean, I didn't like dressing up as an X-quat just so they wouldn't catch me, but it did help me find out some stuff about these X-drips. Like, first of all, they're tryin' to take over the world. Yup. Take over, as in make it their own and rule it with a _literal_ iron fist. Oh, and they're sending their 'Shadow Siren' whatchamahoozits after ya again, so watch yourselves. By the way, awesome goin' at that Glitz Pit place – we saw you on TV. By the way, where'd you learn to do them flame tricks? Eh, never mind for now, I gotta go – things are gettin' tense where we are. Good luck and all. – Marie Kanker."

"Ugh, why'd you even bother reading that, Sockhead?" Eddy groaned.

"Because it would have been impolite to ignore it, even from a Kanker," Edd replied disappointedly.

"Man, why's this ride takin' so long? Where's this giant fish takin' us?" Eddy complained.

"To Rogueport, young man," replied Stewart, the fish-like attendant.

"Rogueport, huh? I bet I could set up a scam there, too!" Eddy snickered.

"Really, Eddy, the crime rate in Rogueport alone would surely make all of your nefarious scams seem like mere child's play," Edd stated.

"Ah, what do _you_ know?" Eddy retorted.

"And when we arrive, we take the Gold Star to the Thousand-Year Door located in the sewers beneath the town, Eddy," Goombella chimed in.

"Sewers? Ugh, that's gross!" Eduardo Junior piped up.

XXX000XXX000XXX

After landing, the group had made their way through the town sewers. Eddy was quick to notice that the sewers didn't look like the cul-de-sac's sewers, but was quickly silenced by Edd and Nazz, who were all too familiar with the sewer network's aesthetics. It wasn't long before they returned to the room with the airplane panel that also served as the way to Boggly Woods. Almost immediately, something caught Edd's eye.

"Hmm… in the past, there was nothing we could do about this large block," he noted, studying the large yellow block with eye patterns just beneath the ledge leading to the Thousand-Year Door. "Why, this appears to be similar to the large yellow block from the minor-league locker room at the Glitz Pit, the one to which X – er, I mean, Jolene – directed us."

"I got this, Double-D!" Jimmy exclaimed, as he whipped out the Super Hammer and approached the large block.

"Ha ha ha ha! Yeah right!" Eddy laughed. "Curly could never break something this big! He'd break his arm before that happened!"

"You wanna bet?!" Jimmy fired back. "Fifty coins say I _can_ do this!"

"F-f-f-f-FIFTY COINS?!" Eddy protested.

"And not a coin lower, charlatan," Jimmy countered smugly.

"You're on!" Eddy chuckled.

Eddy continued laughing, despite the angry glares from the others. Rather smugly, Jimmy wound up his small body and delivered a mighty swing with his Super Hammer, breaking the block instantly and revealing a springboard inside, akin to the one used to access Hooktail's castle. Almost immediately, Eddy was silenced right then and there, having clearly forgotten the time Jimmy hit him hard enough with a dodgeball to send him right through his garage door.

"Ha! Cough up the dough, 'Uncle Eddy,'" Jimmy snidely boasted.

"Overconfidence leads to one's own undoing, Eddy," Edd chided.

Eddy said nothing, preferring to grumble instead as he begrudgingly handed the fifty coins over to his former protégé.

"Why, Jimmy, I believe you've uncovered a shorter path to the Thousand-Year Door!" Edd commented. "One at a time, now, fellows. Jimmy, if you will?"

Taking the hint, Jimmy jumped onto the springboard and bounced up high, surprisingly landing gracefully on the high ledge. This, too, left Eddy dumbfounded – he had expected the accident-prone boy to face-plant onto the ground. The diminutive scammer's reaction was ignored as Nazz bounced up next, followed by Rolf, then Koops, Mario, Goombella, and Madame Flurrie, with Edd, Eddy, and Eduardo Junior being the last ones up.

"So where is this Thousand-Year Door thingy?" Eddy asked.

"Right this way, Eddy," Edd replied.

Edd led the ever-expanding group of heroes through the passageway, returning once more to the hall of the Thousand-Year Door. The two newcomers were enthralled by the intimidating architecture of not just the door, but the entire hall.

"Whoooooa," was the first thing out of little Eduardo's mouth. "This is that Thousand-Year Door thingy? Now that's what I call fancy!"

"Man, just look at this place!" Eddy chortled. "I bet I could set up a scam here, too!"

"Oh, come now, Eddy, how has being stuck in a world that's not our own not alleviated your self-serving desire for wealth and fame?" Edd chided.

"Old habits die hard, Sockhead," Eddy replied.

"So what do we do here?" Eduardo asked.

"Observe, Eduardo," Edd replied. "Mario? Join me, please, as you hold the map."

Taking the cue, Mario joined Edd in the center of the podium; Edd raised the Gold Crystal Star aloft, while Mario, as usual, held up the map. The sudden flash and familiar light show nearly scared Eddy and the little Yoshi out of their wits, but Eddy's eyes quickly lit up with dollar signs as the Gold Star came to rest near the 3:50 position on the central dais, with Edd and Mario surrounded by a column of light. When the lights faded, a new location revealed itself with a red flash on the map. Edd quickly whipped out his magnifying glass to examine the new location.

"Hmm… it would seem that the next Crystal Star is located… in a rather depressing locale this time," Edd said. "But I cannot seem to make heads or tails of this. Goombella, would Professor Frankly know anything about this?"

"Oh, yeah! Definitely!" Goombella replied.

"Let's-a go, then!" Mario called. He and Edd began leaving the room, followed by the rest of the group.

"Who's Professor Frankly?" asked Eddy and Eduardo Junior simultaneously as they followed the others out of the sewers.

XXX000XXX000XXX

" **WHAAAAAT**?!"

Professor Frankly's loud shout startled everyone else in the room, with Jimmy leaping into Rolf's arms and Eduardo into Edd's.

"Is this true?" Frankly inquired, horrified. "The organization responsible for kidnapping Princess Peach and these 'Kanker Sisters' is bent on total world conquest?"

"Ahem, as-as far as we can tell, yes," Edd replied.

"Yeah, that's why those X-jerks are after that legendary treasure!" Nazz replied.

"Treasure?!" Eddy piped up, dollar signs in his eyes once again. Nazz slapped him upside the head to bring him back to reality.

"Oh, me, oh, my, this does not bode well at all," Frankly said worriedly. "This situation has become more serious than I thought!"

"What say you, wise googly-eyed professor?" Rolf asked.

"Ah yes, allow me to bring you all up to speed," said the Goomba professor. "I've been researching just what this treasure could be… One book I discovered held to a theory that I had thought preposterous…"

"What do you mean, Professor?" Goombella asked.

"Well, ahem," Frankly replied. "This book claimed that the 'treasure' was, in reality… the great cataclysm. As in, the very cataclysm that had sunk the ancient city into the ground 1,000 years ago!"

Everyone's eyes widened in shock at this bit of information.

"Ancient city?" Eduardo asked.

"Yes, Eduardo. Those ruins now make up the sewers beneath Rogueport," Edd replied.

"So these jerks think that the power of the cataclysm – if that is what's behind the door – will help them to rule the world?" Goombella inquired.

"Those harstimers!" Rolf shouted. "First the Punies and now this?"

"I cannot say for sure what they'll do or why, but we must consider the possibility," Frankly replied. "We must not let them anywhere near the legendary treasure now that things have come to this. Because… if they do claim it, then… then I fear that the great cataclysm will repeat itself once again, and the entire world would be vanquished!"

"Well, then, spill it, Prof!" Eduardo chimed. "We gotta find that next Crystal Star, like, super-mega-quick!"

Mario placed the map on the table so that Frankly could get a closer look; both he and Edd examined the new location on the map with their magnifying glasses.

"Hmm…" mused the professor. "According to the map, the next Crystal Star is located in Twilight Town."

"Twilight Town?" came the collective inquiry of the group.

"To tell you the truth, I don't know too much about that place. I've only heard whispers, rumors, gossip," Frankly said. "Though I can say certainly that, as the name implies, it's shrouded in perpetual twilight, so the place is quite dim. There is woodland near the town, and inside these woods is the decrepit Twilight Chapel. Though, really, we just call it Creepy Steeple now. The next Crystal Star should be there."

"Ooooh, creeeeepy woods," Eddy said, in a creepy voice. "Who knows what scary things lurk in those woods?"

"S-s-s-scary? C-c-c-c-creepy?" Jimmy quavered.

"Eddy!" Edd chided. "You're frightening the lad!"

"Aw, lighten up, Double-D! I'm just tryin' to have fun!"

"This world is in danger of being obliterated, Eddy! That is no laughing matter!"

"Jeez, don't have a bird, Sockhead!"

"Just drop it, Eddy," Nazz scolded disapprovingly. This was enough to shut Eddy up.

"I ain't scared! Long as I got my dad with me!" Eduardo proclaimed, climbing onto Edd's shoulders. Edd couldn't help but smile warmly at this.

"So, how do we get there?" inquired Koops.

"Hmm… wait just a moment," Frankly said, crossing to a nearby shelf and pulling out a book about Rogueport before placing said book on his table and opening it to a page about Twilight Town.

"Ah-HAH!" he proclaimed a few seconds later. "Why, there appears to be a pipe somewhere here in Rogueport that leads to Twilight Town. It should be somewhere underneath the west part of town. If you get stuck for any reason whatsoever, you just come and see me, okay?"

Edd was now jotting this information down in a notepad.

"…beneath the town itself, in the western sector," he mumbled as he wrote. "Elementary. We'll set course for Twilight Town first thing tomorrow morning. We'll need to stock up on supplies to prepare ourselves for what lies ahead, everyone."

XXX000XXX000XXX

The heroes had spent the rest of the day purchasing what supplies they needed for their upcoming journey to Twilight Town. Upon completion of their task, they returned to Podley's, only to be almost immediately greeted by a crowd of reporters clamoring loudly, looking to interview the heroes – Edd in particular.

"Look, everyone! It's the Extreme Eduardos!" shouted a nearby Lakitu.

The heroes barely had time to react as the reporters swarmed them.

"Mr. Eduardo! My name's Mark for the Rogueport Restoration Committee! Could I get an interview with you for this week's RDM?"

"Mr. Eduardo, I have to know! How do you feel about winning the Glitz Pit championship?"

"Why have you stepped down from the position?"

"Mr. Eddy! Is it true that you ripped up your contract with the Glitz Pit?"

"Miss Nazz! Have you ever done mixed martial arts before?"

"Mr. Rolf, where did you get that whacking bag?"

"Mr. Jimmy! Who sent you that HammaWhack Super Hammer?"

"Is it true you hatched a Yoshi egg?"

"Mr. Eduardo, why do you wear a sock on your head?"

"Fellows, please!" Edd shouted. "I simply cannot answer all of those questions all at once!"

"I sure can!" Eddy interjected. "Allow me to answer those on behalf of my sock-headed client. Let's see… he feels great about bein' the champ; he stepped down 'cuz he's lookin' for his friends; I ripped up my contract with the Glitz Pit 'cuz these guys here would be lost without me; yeah, he hatched a Yoshi-thingamajig egg; and he wears a sock on his head because-"

Edd quickly covered Eddy's mouth with his hand.

"C'mon, let's go," Koops chimed in. "These guys are annoying."

"Madame disagrees," Madame Flurrie chuckled. She and Jimmy quickly pushed Eddy out of the way so that they could be on camera, fielding more questions as they posed for the cameras.

"…okay, guys, 90-second commercial break," said Mark.

The reporters agreed and left the inn, as Flurrie and Jimmy tried unsuccessfully to call them back.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Night set in once more. This time around, a thunderstorm was brewing off in the distance, further out to sea. Edd, Koops, and Jimmy now shared their room with Eddy and Eduardo Junior, while Rolf bunked with Mario and the ladies retained their original lodging arrangement. Edd remained awake, typing his response to Marie:

"To Marie Kanker: Thank you for the useful information regarding the X-Nauts. Your venture sounded very risky, however; you were very lucky that you weren't found out and exposed. I strongly advise in the future that for your own sake, as well as the sake of your sisters and Princess Peach, that you do not attempt such a risky endeavor again. Also, please inform Lee that for whatever reason, Eddy refused to respond to her email and instead deleted it. My apologies for his behavior. Do be careful, please. – Sincerely, Eddward."

 _I do hope I_ ' _m not providing her the wrong impression_ , he thought to himself as he sent his reply and closed his laptop. He looked out the window and gazed in the direction of where Twilight Town was apparently located, noting the storm that was brewing and the likelihood of heavy rain. _Something about this Twilight Town has me immensely ill at ease_ … _Summer rains_ , _you can never predict them_.

XXX000XXX000XXX

It was still cloudy the next morning. The thunderstorm from the previous night had long since blown over, bypassing Rogueport without making landfall. The group of heroes had gathered in the restaurant at Podley's, and everyone who could carry a backpack had used their Glitz Pit winnings to purchase backpacks for themselves so they could carry supplies. Goombella had to wake the stubborn Eddy from his sleep, with hilarious results.

"All right, Double-D, we're all ready to go," Nazz told Edd.

"Excellent," Edd replied. "We must be well prepared for the trials that await us. Shall we, then?"

Leaving Podley's, Edd led the band of ten across town, back to the pipe near Professor Frankly's house that led to Rogueport Sewers. After an extensive search that spanned about an hour, with Eddy complaining all the way, they finally found an area they hadn't yet explored: Past the underground town square in the sewers, they found a room similar to the eastern entrance. On a higher ledge across from where the group had entered, there was a green door, accessed by an inclined plane made of rather sturdy wood.

"Ah, perhaps our path to Twilight Town lies up there, behind that door," Edd mused.

"Jeepers… This Twilight Town place still scares the Mr. Bojangles out of me," Jimmy quavered.

"I agree, it does sound rather… frightening, Jimmy," Edd replied. "Be that as it may, however, this is no time to show fear."

In reply to this, Goombella and Nazz shot Eddy a nasty look to shut him right up before he could scare Jimmy any further. The ten heroes continued up the incline, and entered through the doorway to find themselves in a small room containing a lone pipe. This pipe appeared wooden, much like the pipe that led to the Boggly Woods; however, this particular pipe was a dark brownish-orange in color, and as the group observed, its opening was much darker than those of other pipes, giving the impression that it led into a void of nothing.

"Um, so… who wants to go first?" Eddy asked, trying and failing to mask the fact that he was afraid to enter.

"I'll go," Edd volunteered.

"Um… D-Dad? I-I've never gone through a pipe like this b-before," said Eduardo nervously. "It-it doesn't hurt… does it?"

"I haven't a clue, honestly. But if it allays your fears just a tad, here," Edd replied, picking up the little Yoshi. "We'll enter together."

"O-okay," Eduardo replied.

Edd climbed atop the rim of the pipe, clutching Eduardo as he did so, and, with a sigh of determination masking fear and unease, jumped into the opening. As if entering a deep chasm, the darkness quickly set in for both of the pipe's passengers. The last thing the others heard was the echoes of Eduardo Junior screaming, which quickly faded away as both the human boy and dinosaur child disappeared into the pitch-black void…

 **End of Intermission**


	31. 4-1: Hexed By the Bell

**Chapter 4: For Pigs the Bell Tolls**

 **Part 1: Hexed By the Bell**

The descent through the pitch-black interior of the warp pipe seemed endless for Edd and Eduardo Junior. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally emerged through the other end of the pipe, into the locale known only as Twilight Town.

"Is it over?" Eduardo asked, finally opening his eyes.

"It… seems we've survived," Edd replied, still holding the Yoshi child in his left arm as he used his right arm to climb down. "This must be Twilight Town…"

Edd and Eduardo took in their current surroundings. "Unsettling" couldn't even have begun to describe Twilight Town – it was downright eerie, and rather depressing at the same time. The grass was brown and wilted, there were dead trees that peppered the open areas of the town, and the town itself was surrounded by a haunted forest, made entirely of dead trees. True to the name of the town, the sky was fixed in perpetual twilight, with only the full moon of the harvest visible. Crows and ravens were perched on the branches of the trees in town, their sights affixed on the newcomers with grave expressions.

"…This town is downright disturbing," Edd noted, fear ringing in his voice.

"Are the others coming?" Eduardo added nervously.

"They should arrive momentarily," Edd replied.

Edd and Eduardo Junior waited by the pipe for their companions to arrive. Minutes passed, however, with no sign of them.

"Dad? What-what's takin' everyone so long?" Eduardo quavered. "They-they should've been here by now."

"Oh, my, this is not good," Edd concurred. "Something terrible must have happened. Or perhaps they've backed out-"

Edd was interrupted by the sound of Jimmy's screaming from inside the pipe, followed by the sudden arrival of Rolf, Eddy, Goombella, and Jimmy. Like Eduardo, Jimmy had been screaming the entire way and was quivering in fear. Mario, Nazz, Madame Flurrie, and Koops had yet to arrive, however.

"Oh, finally!" Eduardo exclaimed. "What took ya guys?"

"I swear, somethin' up with that stupid pipe," Eddy grumbled. "I dunno why, but that thing would only let us through for some reason. Turned away the others, but it let _Jimmy_ of all people through. Eh, don't have a bird; I bet that Gonzales guy with the 'stache and the others'll make it through sometime."

"Hey," came a low voice nearby, startling everyone.

Everyone shifted their collective gaze to the source of the voice: at first glance, it appeared to be an old rag doll, but they realized it was anthropomorphic and wearing tattered clothes. The creature's face was mostly obscured by the hood he wore around his head, exposing only his two glowing yellow eyes that affixed their piercing gaze on the heroes.

"Um, m-may we help you?" Edd inquired, surprised at the sight of this new creature (which was saying something, considering everything he had seen up to this point).

"I'm Freddy," the creature replied in that same low, unnerving voice. "It's been a long time since anyone's come from… outside. I take it you've come from really far away?"

"Y-yes," Edd replied.

"I figured, with those clothes of yours, you guys must be… adventurers, right?" Freddy continued.

"Got that right, pal!" Eddy bragged.

"You picked a bad time to come here," Freddy droned on. "Then again, since you're all adventurers, maybe it's the perfect time, but..." Freddy trailed off, hesitant to continue.

"Perfect time for what?" Eddy demanded. "Talk so we understand ya!"

"Oh, um… I dunno, it's a scary tale… too scary to both hear _and_ tell," Freddy replied. "But if you insist, it's sort of like this-"

The conversation was interrupted as a bell was heard chiming in the distance, its sound reverberating throughout the town. Everyone jumped in surprise, and Freddy's demeanor suddenly changed from dull to very fearful.

"Eep! What was that?!" Jimmy squeaked, shaking in fear.

"Oh no… not again," Freddy quavered, terrified. "Who's it gonna be this time…?"

Freddy would have continued, but he was cut off as a puff of purple smoke suddenly enveloped the unfortunate soul, causing the others to jump back.

"Egads!" Edd exclaimed.

When the smoke cleared, Freddy was gone.

"What the heck?" was all Eddy managed to say. Goombella, Rolf, and Eduardo were at a loss for words.

"Golly-gosh, what happened to him?" Jimmy asked, clutching Rolf's leg for support and comfort.

"It… I can't believe I'm saying this, but it seemed to be some sort of dark magic," Edd theorized. "Some spell of sorts must have caused him to disappear. I-"

A loud snort interrupted Edd. He then looked down at his feet, and saw-

"Oh, dear, a pig?" he inquired.

"AAAAAH!" Jimmy suddenly screamed, having realized what happened. "That pig- he was that guy! That was Freddy!"

As everyone looked at the pig, it was obvious that Jimmy was right. At the chime of the bell, before their eyes, Freddy had been transformed from his rag-doll appearance into that of a small pink pig that closely resembled Rolf's own pig, Wilfred.

"Son of a gun! Pale Jimmy speaks the truth!" Rolf exclaimed. "He-who-wears-tattered-cloth has become a sow like Wilfred!"

"What's WITH this place?!" Eddy shouted, throwing his arms up in the air in exasperation.

"Oh, badness… Now Freddy's been turned, too," groaned a second new voice. "Not good…"

"Who's there?" Edd called, whipping out his metal rod and readying himself to cast a spell.

"Calm yourself, young traveler," said the voice again, as its source approached the six friends and revealed himself to be a rag-doll figure similar to Freddy, albeit older with blue "skin" and carrying a wooden walking stick.

"Hey, Gramps, who the heck are you?" Eddy demanded. "And what the heck's goin' on here?"

"I'm the mayor of this old, poor town. Some call me Dour," replied the old Mayor Dour, in a tone of voice similar to Freddy. "I'm not exactly the sharpest fellow, but I can tell that you lot are adventurers of sorts. Sadly, this is not the place for the telling of tales. Please, come with me to my home. I shall explain there."

Reluctantly, the group of young heroes followed old Mayor Dour into his home, passing a few more pigs – or rather, townspeople transformed into pigs – on the way. The room was so dark that Goombella had to switch on the newly-replaced light in her helmet. Jimmy continued quivering in terror, while Mayor Dour took a seat on the left side of the table in the center of the room.

"Young travelers… Normally this is where I'd welcome you to Twilight Town," Dour droned. "But that's more of a 'good' thing, and it's been nothing but the opposite here. You'd best leave, for your own safety."

"Heck no, we ain't goin' nowhere, Ragdoll," Eddy fired back. "What's with all the pigs?"

"…You are as brave as you are stubborn, it seems," Dour observed. "As you may have guessed, our town was placed under a curse."

"C-c-c-c-cursed?" Jimmy quavered.

"That's correct, o high-voiced one," Dour replied. "In the heart of the forest just beyond this town lies the ancient Twilight Chapel, also known as the Creepy Steeple. A creature of darkness has taken up residence in its halls… Its curse ordains that at the chime of the chapel's bell, one of the Twilighters in this village… is transformed into a swine."

This caused Jimmy to pass out with a groan. Goombella tended to him as the conversation went on.

"Bohemian!" Edd gasped. "Precisely how many at-risk souls inhabit this town?"

"Counting you lot, that brings us to twenty-five. Nineteen townsfolk, six guests," Dour replied.

"Of this total, how many have been – dare I say – transformed into pigs?" Edd inquired.

"After doing a thorough count, with the recent addition of Freddy, the total stands now at eleven," Dour said.

"Then if one is transformed into a pig by the hour, then… this began roughly eleven hours ago," Edd stated. "This means that, provided that nobody else arrives, why… we only have eighteen hours tops to dispel this, erm, curse before we all become swine!"

Jimmy awoke with a start and a shout of "EEK!" as the mere thought turned him even paler than usual.

"Yeah, guys, Jimmy's in no condition to be doing this," Goombella noted.

"Rolf agrees," Rolf replied. "Rolf shall remain with Pale Boy Jimmy."

"Are you certain, Rolf?" Edd asked. "We need you – out of all of us here, you're the strongest!"

"Puh-lease!" Eduardo huffed. "You're the strongest one, Dad! _Duh_!"

"Rolf must attend to those who have become sows," Rolf clarified.

"…Oh, very well, then," Edd groaned. "Jimmy, you stay here with Rolf, as well."

"Ehhh… o-okay," Jimmy said nervously.

"Mr. Mayor," Edd continued, facing Mayor Dour. "We are searching for something of great importance. Perhaps you're familiar with this – it's a star-shaped jewel known as a Crystal Star."

"Crystal Star?" Dour inquired, confused. "I'm afraid I don't know of this 'Crystal Star' you speak of… but there is a glittery red stone in the Creepy Steeple that's _shaped like_ a star, if that helps."

"As a matter of fact, it does," Edd replied. "That's the Crystal Star that we seek!"

"Um… you're not actually thinking of going to the Steeple, are you?" Dour inquired, shivering in fear. "The mere idea is unthinkable…"

"We must," Edd replied, resolute. "It's the only way for us to break this curse and obtain our prize."

"Hey, Sockhead. When'd ya get so brave all of a sudden?" Eddy asked. "Last I remember, you were a total wimp who couldn't even beat _Jimmy_ of all people in a fist fight!"

Eddy did have a point; back In the cul-de-sac, Edd would normally shy away from something as frightening as this, let alone abstain from willful physical violence. This, however, did not change Edd's mind.

"The lives of many innocent souls are at stake, Eddy!" he snapped, causing Eddy to back away a little. "I cannot afford to give in to fear! For the sake of all those who suffer under this malicious curse, we all need to put aside our fears!"

"All right, all right! Jeez, don't have a bird, Sockhead," Eddy grumbled.

"Thank you, Eddy," Edd said, turning to face Dour. "Mr. Mayor, would you be so kind as to point us in the direction of this Creepy Steeple?"

"You are fools to go there, but it seems any attempt to dissuade you would be futile," Dour droned. "Very well, then. At the end of town, proceed beyond the gates and journey through the woods. Please note that as you close in on the Steeple, the twilight will turn to pure darkness."

"Thank you, Mr. Mayor," Edd replied, turning to face his companions. "Goombella, Eddy, Eduardo, are you all prepared?"

They nodded, rather reluctantly, and proceeded out of the mayor's home to the town gates. Upon reaching the gates, Edd turned to face his companions again.

"Listen," he said, matter-of-factly. "This is the current situation at hand – we have eighteen hours, maximum. Within that period, at any moment, the bell will chime and someone may be transformed into a pig. If you're human, or Goomba, or Yoshi, then you can still assist us. Otherwise, we'll need to leave you behind. We cannot afford to waste any time. Have I made myself clear?"

Everyone nodded in reply. Edd then opened the gate and passed through it, followed by Eduardo Junior, Goombella, and Eddy, leaving Rolf and Jimmy behind.

"B-b-bye, guys," Jimmy whimpered as their four friends began to disappear from view.

"Do not worry, one-is-a-lonely-number Pale Boy Jimmy," Rolf said comfortingly as he patted Jimmy on the shoulder.

"I can't control myself, Rolf!" Jimmy cried. "I don't wanna become a piggy!"

"Rolf shall protect you no matter what, Boy Jimmy," Rolf responded. "Make a gleeful face, for the head-and-sock Ed-boy and his friends shall destroy the demon and undo the curse."

Jimmy whimpered again, still unconvinced despite Rolf's attempt at comfort.

XXX000XXX000XXX

A strange figure observed the woods of the Twilight Trail and the settlement of Twilight Town from their vantage point, at the window inside the belfry of a large tower that was part of a decrepit, abandoned chapel. He wore a white sheet with eye and mouth holes and bore two piercing red eyes and a strange party hat on his head.

"So, my apprentice… it's time now," he spoke, his voice sadistically childish. "Are you ready to go?"

A second figure approached him from the shadows. He appeared slightly taller, and wore a gray hooded cloak, with the hood pulled over his head.

"Only after you tell me your name," the hooded figure replied, his voice more masculine but rather adolescent, suggesting he was in his teenage years.

"My name's of no concern to you," the white-sheeted figure snapped. "Count your blessings that I even took you in."

"Took me in? We had a deal," the hooded figure fired back. "You scratch my back, I scratch yours."

"Listen; do first, ask later, Slick," the white-sheeted figure demanded. "I been lookin' out this window for a while, and I saw myself a group of four interlopers headed our way. I need you to go out there and stop them."

"And then you'll keep your end of the bargain?" inquired the hooded figure referred to as Slick.

"Yeah, yeah, just do it, won't ya?" grumbled the white-sheet figure.

"Before I do, I need to see for myself who they are," Slick said.

"Eh, fine, fine," responded the white-sheet figure. "Here, see for yourself."

The white-sheet figure stepped down and away from the window to allow Slick to approach the window. The hooded figure that was called Slick observed through the window and caught sight of four figures off in the distance, being guided by a creature wearing a miner's helmet with its light switched on. However, his gaze shifted to the two human interlopers; one with a sock on his head, and his height-challenged friend who wore a yellow shirt. He sneered sinisterly at the sight of them, as if he recognized them. With a chuckle, he spoke:

"Dorks."

 **End of Part One**


	32. 4-2: Twilight Goes Dark

**Chapter 4: For Pigs the Bell Tolls**

 **Part 2: Twilight Goes Dark**

Edd, Eddy, Eduardo Junior, and Goombella continued through the path to the woods, eventually coming across a run-down shack that stood just a few feet outside the entrance to the woods.

"Hmm… is this… an outhouse?" Edd mused.

"Oh, finally! I gotta take a whiz," Eddy said, entering the old shack.

Eddy was only in the shack for about a second before he noticed something.

"What the heck is this?" he was heard asking.

"Eddy? Everything okay in there?" Goombella called.

Eddy promptly exited the shack to rejoin the others, holding an object in his hand that Edd and Goombella instantly recognized: an old, black key.

"Aw, man! Look, Double-D!" exclaimed the Goomba scholar. "We've seen that before! Twice!"

"Whaddya talkin' about, Goomba-babe?" Eddy asked.

"Bohemian!" Edd exclaimed, examining the key. "This type of key unlocks large black treasure chests containing demonic spirits!"

"So… they don't have treasure? No cash? No jawbreakers?" Eddy complained.

"No, but they've provided us with so-called 'curses' of their own, all paper-themed," Goombella explained. "But if you found the key here, then that means…"

"That there is a black treasure chest somewhere in this province, which will undoubtedly contain another demonic spirit waiting to inflict another so-called 'curse' on us," Edd finished.

"Curses? Paper? You're makin' no sense at all, Sockhead," Eddy griped.

"Allow us to demonstrate," Edd explained, raising his forefinger. "Goombella?"

Immediately, Goombella and Edd allowed the thought of being thin as paper to cross their minds once again and instantly went thin as paper; Eddy and Eduardo Junior were dumbfounded at this, their mouths hanging open and their eyes as wide as saucers as the sock-headed boy and the Goomba scholar returned to normal.

"D-D-Dad?! How'd you do that?!" Eduardo stammered.

"Here, allow me," replied Edd. He took the little Yoshi by the hand and placed his other hand on Eddy's shoulder, and as he went thin as paper, the effects of this "curse" spread to Eduardo and Eddy by the touch of the sock-headed youth. Eventually, Edd returned to normal, as did the others, while Goombella watched them. The scammer and the little Yoshi could only stutter vaguely in response.

"We got that power in Hooktail's castle at the Petal Meadows," Goombella explained. "That's where we also discovered Rolf."

"What's a Hooktail?" Eddy asked.

"Please hold any further questions for after we survive this venture, Eddy," Edd stated. "We must locate the next Crystal Star, the fourth of seven. In addition, we must locate the black box in whose lock this key fits."

As Edd was lecturing Eddy, Eduardo Junior looked around nervously while Goombella developed a hunch and checked behind the shack.

"Hey, guys, I think I found it," she called. "Come and take a look-see."

The boys and the Yoshi joined the Goomba scholar behind the shack. Sure enough, there it was, in plain sight – the black treasure chest that Edd and Goombella had both seen at least twice before, in Rogueport Sewers and Hooktail's castle.

"Aw, man, c'mon, Double-D, there's _gotta_ be cash in there!" Eddy chuckled greedily.

"Do you never pay attention, Eddy? What have I just told you about these black boxes?" Edd lectured.

"How would you know unless you opened it?" Eddy fired back, his expression unchanged.

"We know," replied Edd and Goombella simultaneously and flatly.

"Who's out there?" called the voice within the black box. Eddy and Eduardo nearly jumped out of their shoes in shock.

"GAH! Who's IN there?!" Eddy recoiled.

"I'm hearing voices out there!" called the voice inside the box. "There's no way that people could be here! Seriously, that's just so unlikely!"

"Oh, cut the yammering," Goombella quipped. "We've seen your type before."

"…What's that? You've seen a black box like this before? Get outta here!" the voice replied.

"And so once again, the voice in the box tries to lure us in only to place a curse on us," Goombella stated, rolling her eyes.

"What?! No, no, no! I'm not like those other chests, I promise!" the voice hurriedly replied. "Look into my eyes and tell me I'm lying."

"You're locked in a box, man; we can't see your eyes," Goombella fired back. "Matter of fact, just drop the act and do your 'Whee-hee-hee-hee, foooooools' bit where you curse us when we open your stinkin' box."

"Now, now, Goombella," Edd chimed in, his forefinger raised. "If you recall, the so-called 'curses' inflicted on us have actually assisted us in ways never thought possible, as they have allowed us to access new areas otherwise impassable by any other means. Do you recall the paper airplane ability that allowed us to access the Thousand-Year Door in the first place? As well as Hooktail's castle?"

"…Oh, yeah, right," Goombella replied. "And that going-thin-as-paper power we got in Hooktail's castle got us the Attack FX R badge as well as a way to Boggly Woods and back."

"What the heck are you yappin' about now?" Eddy shouted.

"What's the holdup? Seriously, just get me out of here! Don't make me beg!" called the voice in the box.

"Very well, then," Edd replied. "We'll let you out, as long as your 'curse' proves to be a boon for us."

"Well, see, it's not so much a curse, as it is a really wonderful new ability that'll allow you to go to special places and stuff," the voice replied. "Doesn't that sound nice?"

"I guess so," Goombella grumbled.

"…It won't hurt, will it?" Eduardo asked.

"It shouldn't," Edd replied. He then turned to face Eddy, who still had the key in his hand. "Eddy, if you will?"

Eddy immediately stuck the key into the keyhole and turned it, unlocking the chest. The lid slowly creaked open, inciting nervousness for the scammer and the Yoshi.

"Oh, happy day!" exclaimed the voice. "Now then, ahem… WHEE HEE! FOOOOOOOLS!"

A familiar black fog enveloped the foursome, amid which a glowing demonic-looking face emerged.

"DAD! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" Eduardo screamed.

"I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!" Eddy shouted fearfully.

"What were you expecting? Did you think a lovely lady would pop out or something, like a magician's assistant?" the demon cackled. "Now I'm going to hit you with the king of curses – the cursiest curse ever!"

"Oh, get on with it!" Goombella shouted, no longer fooled.

"Fear my terrible power! You will know the pain of having your body rolled up into the shape of a tube!" the demon laughed. "BE CURSED!"

Four familiar bright flashes struck the foursome, signifying the "curse" placed on them.

"Whee hee hee hee hee! Now you're cursed! Savor the suffering!" the demon cackled. "It's so awful, you won't be able to walk! Instead, when you are as thin as paper, you will curl into a tube and roll like toilet paper with a single hop!"

"So it takes a previous ability to activate this one," Edd stated.

"Toilet paper? I don't wanna be toilet paper, Dad!" Eduardo cried.

"Whee hee hee hee hee! Your pathetic misery thrills me to the core!" the demon laughed. "You shall roll around like a discarded cardboard tube of toilet paper! Oh, the laughter and humiliation that shall befall you!"

"And yes, we will be able to return to normal," Edd explained.

"…Ahem. End scene. There. Satisfied?" the demon griped. "That cackling enough of an act for you?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Goombella groaned.

"Hm, I suppose the act loses merit if you've been through this twice before," the demon noted. "In any case, I'll leave you to it. Farewell!"

The demon's face faded away along with the black fog, restoring their current surroundings.

"What did that thing mean, roll into a tube?" Eduardo asked Edd.

"Hmm…" Edd scratched his chin. "I think I've got it."

Edd went thin as paper once more, and did a short hop. Everyone watched in awe as the paper-thin youth curled into the shape of a tube while in midair. After rolling back and forth for a few seconds as a demonstration, Edd did another short hop and unfurled back to normal.

"Whoooooa," came the collective response.

"Now you try," Edd stated.

Eddy, Eduardo, and Goombella imagined themselves as paper, and as the curse from Hooktail's castle took effect, they did a short hop and curled into tubes, rolling around for a bit before returning to normal with another short hop.

"Whoa, now that was a trip," Eduardo said, checking himself to make sure nothing slid out of place.

"Yeah! Hey, maybe I could use that for my next scam!" Eddy laughed.

"Now is neither the time nor the place, Eddy," Edd chided. "Let's continue on."

"So just how deep do you think these woods go?" Goombella asked as the foursome continued on into the dark forest.

"Too deep for my tastes," Eddy complained.

"Now, Eddy, complaining has never helped anyone," Edd chided. "Goombella, lead the way, please."

"What?!" Goombella balked. "Me? Why me?"

"Inside the woods, the light of the moon will be of little to no assistance for us," Edd pointed out. "Your helmet bears a flashlight on its front. We'll need that in order to illuminate our path to the steeple."

"…oh, fine," the Goomba scholar grumbled.

Switching on the flashlight on her helmet, she led the way into the woods, followed by Edd carrying Eduardo Junior, with Eddy bringing up the rear close behind.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Rolf and Jimmy remained behind, resting – or at least trying to – at the Twilight Town Inn. Rolf gazed out the window while Jimmy had broken out in a nervous sweat.

"I'm scared, Rolf," he quavered. "How do you think they're doing so far?"

"Rolf is certain that head-and-sock Ed-boy and his comrades shall strike down this curse," Rolf replied.

"B-b-but it's been almost an hour! What if I'm next? I don't wanna be a piggy!" Jimmy cried.

"We must all accept the possibility, pale-faced Boy Jimmy," Rolf stated.

"I can't do that!" Jimmy cried. "I'm too scared! What if-"

Jimmy was cut off by the sudden sound of the chapel bell tolling, its sound reverberating throughout the province. He squeezed his eyes shut and screamed loudly in terror- but nothing happened.

"Oh, goody, I'm not a piggy," he exclaimed.

"Then who was-" Rolf began. He shouted in terror as he was suddenly enveloped in the same purple mist that had claimed Freddy earlier.

"Rolf?" Jimmy called.

The purple mist cleared almost as quickly as it came, and when it did, Rolf was gone. In his place was another pig, also resembling Wilfred, but with Rolf's familiar tuff of blue hair.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Jimmy screamed, aghast with tears in his eyes. "ROLF! YOU'RE A PIGGY! AAAAAAAAAAH!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Aw, man! Did you hear that?!" Eddy exclaimed, as everyone abruptly stopped at the bell's chime.

There was silence for a brief moment, followed by collective sighs of relief.

"Whew, thank goodness it wasn't any of us," Goombella said, relieved.

"Then it must have been someone back in town," Edd stated. "Rolf and Jimmy are still there, too! We must hurry, fellows!"

With Goombella's flashlight illuminating the path in front of them, the foursome continued along the dead dirt road through the haunted woods. There was hardly any wind blowing through; aside from the hooting of the owls, cawing of the crows, and the heroes' own footsteps, a silence reigned over the environment that left the group of four on edge. The twilight was fading, too, as they wandered deeper within, giving way to darkness.

"Can we just take a break?" Eddy complained. "I'm gettin' tired."

"Ditto, man," Eduardo concurred.

"Oh, very well, then," Edd acquiesced. "Perhaps we do need a slight rest."

"What? Here, in these woods?" Goombella protested nervously.

"As much as I detest woodlands in the dead of night, we need to rest," Edd replied firmly. "I suppose some of the branches on the ground could be used to contain a small campfire."

Guided by Goombella's light, Edd and Eduardo gathered a bunch of branches and set them down in a pile while Eddy just sat down lazily. Once this was done, Edd lit the campfire atop the pile of branches with a small flame sent forth from his hand, and everyone gathered around the fire to at least try and relax in this creepy environment.

"Given our current situation, we'll only rest for half an hour, maximum," Edd explained.

"Eh, whatever, no skin off my nose," Eddy mused as he was now roasting a marshmallow on a stick.

"Hey, uh, how do you think the rest of the gang's doin' back in the sewer?" Eduardo asked.

"I'm not sure," replied Edd, scratching his chin. "I'm merely wondering why that pipe only let us through and not them. This is quite a quandary."

"Forget your laundry," Eddy piped up, inciting a half-hearted chuckle from Eduardo.

"Maybe it's got to do with us," Goombella suggested. "Maybe it's 'cuz we're so brave that it had to let us in."

"Then why'd it let _Jimmy_ through?" Eddy asked, snickering at the irony of _Jimmy_ of all people being more courageous than Nazz.

"Hmm… good point, Eddy," sighed the Goomba scholar.

"Say, would anyone, by any chance, know any good campfire songs?" Edd asked, attempting to brighten the rather unsettling mood.

"No way, Sockhead! I ain't listenin' to some cheesy folk songs for a half hour!" Eddy grumbled. "But I know a few ghost stories."

"Oh, these oughta be good," Eduardo chimed in.

"All right, brace yourselves, lady and germs," Eddy spoke creepily. "This… is the story… of three people. Three people…" He paused for dramatic effect. "…Who went into the woods in search of something!"

"Yeah?" inquired Goombella.

"Yep!" Eddy continued. "These three unlucky kids – film students - went into the woods for a project. All they had with them were cameras…"

"Oh, come now, Eddy, you're merely explaining the plot of _The Blair Witch Project_ ," Edd mused.

"So what? They never heard of the stupid movie before!" Eddy grumbled.

"A fine point, Eddy, but please, don't frighten them," Edd admonished.

"Whatever, Sockhead," Eddy grumbled. "So anyway, they go into the woods, not knowing what's in store for them…"

As Eddy continued recounting the plot of a certain cult classic to the Goomba and the little Yoshi who were both unfamiliar with it, Edd chanced a glance into the woods. Immediately it was clear that something about these woods greatly unsettled him…

"…overnight, one of them goes missing, so it's down to just two of 'em," Eddy continued. "A boy and a girl…"

"Of course it is," Goombella groaned. By now, she had picked up on the numerous horror-thriller tropes in the story, and grew bored.

"Uh, guys?" Eduardo suddenly piped up. "The fire's dyin' out."

Indeed, the others noticed that the pile of branches used for their campfire had begun to burn out rather quickly, reducing the wood to mere cinders.

"Oh, dear," Edd groaned. "We'll need more firewood."

"We don't need it! You can just bend fire whenever you want, Sockhead!" Eddy complained.

"What good is it if there's nothing to burn?" Edd shot back. "Will someone please fetch more firewood?"

"Not me! I ain't goin' out there by myself!" Goombella spat firmly.

"And I ain't leavin' you, Dad," Eduardo concurred, clutching Edd's leg for support.

"Oh, fine, _I_ ' _ll_ go," Eddy grumbled. "But _after_ I'm done tellin' the story."

Edd sighed in exasperation. "Nothing keeps him from his self-imposed desire to be the center of attention."

Eddy continued: "So, the very next night, they hear the voice of their lost friend and follow it to this really old cabin… everything from there's just confusing."

"I thought it was clear what happened in the movie, Eddy," Edd interjected.

"Oh yeah? You got any ideas, Sockhead?" Eddy shot back.

"The boy and girl follow their missing friend's voice to an abandoned cabin adorned with ritualistic symbols and bloody hand prints. They enter the basement, the boy is knocked into a trance and drops his camera, the girl experiences a panic attack and drops her camera as well, and are both attacked by an unseen entity, the cameras break after rolling, end of movie," Edd finished, in what was almost a long run-on sentence.

"Oh yeah, that's so clear, Sockhead! You didn't say _what_ it was that attacked 'em!" Eddy said sarcastically.

"You're not _supposed_ to know that, Eddy; that's the whole point of the film," Edd explained.

"Aw, nice job, Double-D, you ruined the whole story," Eddy complained.

"Please, Eddy, just go and fetch us some more firewood," Edd demanded.

"Ugh, fine!" Eddy moaned, throwing up his hands in frustration before climbing to his feet and walking into the darkness of the woods.

"Dude…" Eduardo quavered. "That's so creepy."

"Worry not, Eduardo," Edd reassured him. "It didn't actually happen. It was just a movie."

A familiar sound then cut through the landscape – the chime of the chapel bell, which now sounded closer than it did back in town. The remaining campers became stricken with fear as the sound reverberated.

XXX000XXX000XXX

At long last, Nazz, Mario, Koops, and Madame Flurrie arrived in Twilight Town via the strange warp pipe.

"Dang. I never thought one stupid warp pipe would give us so much trouble," Nazz groaned. "But at least we're here. Hmm…"

Immediately Nazz and the others disliked the atmosphere of Twilight Town. The sky was stuck in perpetual twilight, with its only light coming from the full moon overhead. The townsfolk appeared to be depressed, as well, given what they could see. But perhaps the strangest thing of all were the little pigs running around freely.

"Where's everyone else?" Koops asked.

"HEEEEELP!"

Everyone's attention jolted to the inn, where they spotted a fearful and tearful Jimmy running their way.

"Jimmy?" Nazz asked. "What's wrong? Where's everyone else?"

"Nazz! Koops! Mario! Madame! Thank goodness you're here!" Jimmy wailed. "Double-D and the others are in the woods, and Rolf's been-"

Again, Jimmy was cut off by the reverberating sound of the bell's chime. Within a time frame of a split second, purple mist enveloped Jimmy before clearing away.

"Mamma-mia! What-a was that?!" Mario asked.

"AAAAAH!" Nazz screamed, pointing to where Jimmy stood.

Indeed, where Jimmy once was, there now stood a smaller pig, a paler shade of pink and sporting Jimmy's signature cowlick on its head. Behind him, the pig with blue hair approached from the inn.

"JIMMY?! Little buddy?!" Koops gasped in horror. "What happened? Who'd do this to you?! Speak to me!"

"AAAAH! THEY GOT ROLF, TOO!" Nazz shrieked, pointing at the Rolf-haired pig. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"

The only response were the collective squeals of the pigs that were once Rolf and Jimmy.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Stupid Sockhead, ruining the story for everybody," Eddy grumbled to himself. He had strayed very far from the campsite looking for firewood in almost sheer darkness. The light of the moon was not helping him much.

"Gotta find some stupid tree branches to throw into the stupid fire, so we can stupid rest before we stupid go," Eddy continued grumbling.

He looked up and looked around, and his heart sank with fear. He realized he had strayed very far from the path. The campsite was no longer visible, their previous campfire having diminished due to its kindling being burned away.

"…Aw, man, where am I?" he said to no one. "Am I lost?"

Eddy started to walk around in a panic as he tried, with no success, to find his way back to the main path. Eventually he heard a crunching noise and looked down.

"Whoa, what was that?" he asked.

He bent down and felt around on the ground, realizing that he had stepped on more tree branches.

"Perfect," he said to no one. "This should be enough."

Eddy started scooping the branches into his hands, but froze when he suddenly heard the sound of breathing. Expecting Edd, he looked up slowly… and found himself face to face with a hooded silhouette sneering down at him evilly. He gulped and froze in fear as the figure transfixed him with that evil stare.

XXX000XXX000XXX

It had been over a half-hour since the last bell, and Eddy still hadn't returned to the campsite.

"Time's running out," Edd noted.

"Man, Eddy should've been back by now," Goombella stated, growing fearful.

"He may be just toying with us. He does have that proclivity for callous pranks," Edd noted. He then called out to Eddy: "Eddy! Come back here! We have to go!"

Silence. No reply.

"He can't hear us!" Goombella exclaimed. "Why'd he have to go so far away?"

"He's probably playing some sick joke on us where he'll jump out at us in the dark to try and frighten us," Edd explained.

"Hello? Double-D? That brain of yours working? Something must've happened to him!" Goombella yelled, as she began hyperventilating.

"Please, Goombella, calm down," Edd admonished.

"Yeah, ya don't know what could be livin' in these woods!" Eduardo added. "You could be leadin 'em right to us! So quiet down!"

"I can't… help it!" Goombella panted. "He's… still… out there!"

Goombella turned in the direction where Eddy was last seen going. "EDDY!" It didn't take long before she began having a panic attack, with the sound of her own voice echoing in the darkness serving as the reply to her call for Eddy.

"Please, Goombella! Don't panic! Please calm yourself!" Edd called, trying to placate the panicky Goomba.

"Maybe instead of waiting around, we should go and find him ourselves!" Eduardo suggested.

"I ain't leaving this spot, and you can't make me!" Goombella huffed.

"Very well then, you wait here while Eduardo and I go looking for him," Edd snarked as he climbed to his feet and set off in the direction where Eddy had disappeared, with Eduardo Junior following closely behind. Realizing the reverse psychology that had been performed on her, Goombella whimpered and followed Edd and the little Yoshi into the dark of the woods. As they ventured deeper in, Edd glanced at his digital watch.

"Hmm… it's been roughly forty-five minutes since the last chime of the bell," he noted. "We have approximately fifteen minutes before the next chime."

"Man, wh-where's Eddy?" Goombella asked, still in the early stages of her panic attack.

"I-I'm scared, too," Eduardo added, his voice quivering as well.

"Don't be scared," Edd stated, picking up the little Yoshi and holding him. "I'll ensure nothing happens to you, as long as we stay together."

Eduardo seemed to be reassured by Edd's presence, but Goombella wasn't faring as well. She called out for Eddy again, more timidly this time.

"I'm certain he's in one piece, Goombella," Edd reassured her. "He usually finds a way to take care of himself."

Edd, still carrying the little Yoshi, led the way further into the woods. Everyone noticed that as they pressed on, it began to get progressively darker.

"Enterprising," Edd noted. "As the darkness is ever growing in volume the further we venture into these woods, I would estimate that we are closing in on the Creepy Steeple."

Edd had barely finished that sentence when a sudden distant scream broke the silence.

"You hear that? Someone's out there!" Goombella exclaimed.

"But who or what is it?" Edd inquired, looking around frantically.

Another scream pierced the quiet of the forest. This one sounded closer and louder than the previous scream, but this time, the source was unmistakable – Eddy!

"GAAAH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" The Goomba girl hyperventilated again.

"Please! I'm urging you, CALM DOWN!" Edd pleaded. But it was clear that even he was beginning to panic.

Eddy's voice rang out again: "HELP ME!"

This launched Goombella into a full-blown panic, and she ran in the opposite direction, screaming all the way.

"GOOMBELLA! COME BACK!" Edd called after her.

His call went unheard by the Goomba girl, who dashed into the woods and out of view. The beam of her flashlight was seen wobbling and streaking in the darkness as she ran. Suddenly, it stopped moving and pointed straight up, toward the sky. Edd and Eduardo, now alone, heard what sounded like a loud metallic clang; the screaming stopped, but the light of her helmet's flashlight also suddenly went out, engulfing them in sheer darkness. Edd held Eduardo closer with his right hand, to reassure both the little Yoshi as well as himself. He held out his free hand and called the spell:

"Fire!"

With this call, Edd's free hand lit up with a bright flame, like a makeshift torch, illuminating the woods around their immediate vicinity. An uncomfortable and unnerving silence permeated the air, much more disconcerting than the stench of Ed's unconscionable body odor.

 _Crunch_.

Taken by surprise, Edd immediately swiveled around to discern the direction of the noise. He opened his backpack and allowed Eduardo into it so that only the little Yoshi's head poked out from the top, then readied himself, suspecting that someone or something in the darkness was steeling to attack them just as it had seemingly attacked Eddy and Goombella.

 _Courage_ , _Eddward_ , _courage_ , he thought to himself. _I must remain vigilant at all times_ , _lest we come under attack from whatever this may be_. _For the sake of Eduardo Junior_ , _I must not make any mistakes_.

"Dad," Eduardo piped up from Edd's backpack. "We should run."

Edd didn't reply to this, as he steeled himself. He listened closely, waiting.

 _Crunch_.

Quickly, he discovered the location and source of the noise. Turning to face it, he pointed and spoke:

"Pathi-Flare!"

The flame struck the target with enough force to knock it out of the tree and onto the ground below; it was a Cleft, like the ones he and his team battled in the Glitz Pit. Seeing as it posed no real threat, however, Edd breathed a sigh of relief and continued on, with his flaming hand illuminating the path and Eduardo Junior safely inside his backpack.

"Help me…"

Eddy's voice sounded a bit weaker than before, but now Edd knew from where it was emanating: pressing forward while holding out his flaming hand, a great, but dilapidated structure came into view. From the exterior, it resembled an old, abandoned church of sorts, complete with a bell tower. Upon approaching, the building in almost its entirety came into focus.

"We've arrived," Edd said dourly. "This is where the source of the hex resides; the former Twilight Chapel, now known as the Creepy Steeple."

"Aw man," Eduardo quavered as he tucked himself deeper into the backpack. "This is just like that story Eddy told us! We followed a lost person's voice into an old, rundown building in the woods!"

Edd sighed nervously. "Well, let us at least hope that the outcome of _our_ venture plays out more favorably."

With his free hand, the sock-headed boy pushed open the large stone-cold door and ventured inside. The sight that greeted them was nothing short of unpleasant and unsettling.

It appeared to be the main hall of the chapel; an altar chamber of sorts. On the upper left wall were four stained-glass windows, whose depictions were sequential, seeming to depict a pale white, ghostly figure standing before a trove of thorny Piranha Plants, constructed such to give off the illusion that the figure was lunging right at whoever beheld the sight. A long, bluish carpet spanned the hall, from the door to the altar.

"Dude, that's… messed up," Eduardo said, peeking his head out of Edd's backpack.

Edd, choosing not to comment on the design, approached the altar at the end of the hall. The altar itself was flanked with several candles, none of which were lit. Atop the altar stood a statue depicting a star. Reluctantly, Edd observed the statue and the altar, mumbling "dusty, dusty, dusty" as he did so. He carefully blew off some of the dust before placing his hand on the statue.

"Odd… it feels hollow," he noted.

He pushed the statue, surprisingly easily, toward the back wall, revealing a drop downward, with an old rope ladder for climbing. Chancing a glance, Eduardo asked, "What the heck?"

"It seems we've found a secret passage. It likely leads to the basement," he explained.

"Uh-uh! No way we're goin' down there!" Eduardo balked.

"We must," Edd replied. "There's no other alternative."

"How are you not freaked out by all this?" Eduardo inquired, surprised at his "dad's" calmness.

"Center your focus on the task at hand, and you shall block out the fear and terror," Edd explained.

Edd reached for the ladder and carefully climbed down into the lower level. This area of the steeple felt even more desolate, colder, darker, and more menacing than the main altar.

"That's it, I can't do this!" Eduardo exclaimed, readying himself to jump out of Edd's backpack and make a break for it back to town.

"Oh, no, don't you go running off, now," Edd chided, taking the little Yoshi in his hands and cradling him to try and calm him down.

"Aw, c'mon, what if-"

"Shush!" Edd replied suddenly.

Both boy and Yoshi quieted themselves down until they could hear the sound of their own breathing. However, over this, Edd heard the breathing of a third party only a few feet away.

"Who's there?! Identify yourself this instant!" Edd demanded loudly.

"Heh heh heh," replied a familiar voice, menacingly. "Sharp ears… for a feeb."

The source of the voice revealed himself to be a figure wearing a gray cloak and a matching hood to conceal his face. He was facing the base of the wall to the right.

"I repeat, identify yourself immediately!" Edd repeated.

"Who I am won't matter," the voice replied. "'Cuz you'll be gone in ten seconds."

Edd got a look on his face that seemed a mixture of fear and anger. He advanced on the cloaked figure, rod raised. The figure counted down:

"Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven… Six…"

Edd continued forward, picking up speed as he did so.

"Five… Four… Three… Two… One!"

Now Edd was close enough to slam the rod straight on the cloaked figure's head with a shout. The force of the impact proved to be strong enough to rip off the figure's hood.

Unmasked, the person under the hood looked up and faced Edd, who gasped in shock when he saw the person's face. It was that of a pre-teen boy with a large chin, wearing a red cap on his head backwards.

"Double-Dweeb?" he said, surprised.

Edd, too, was horrified, since he knew instantly who it was: "K-KEVIN?!"

Almost immediately, Kevin smirked at him, sinisterly. "Time's up, dorko."

All of a sudden, Edd and Eduardo were knocked unconscious by a figure whom they failed to notice came from behind. Everything went black…

 **End of Part Two**


	33. 4-3: Bell Tower Brawl

**Chapter 4: For Pigs the Bell Tolls**

 **Part 3: Bell Tower Brawl**

"Look at that, Slick. He's wakin' up," said another voice, this one childish and somewhat distorted.

Edd opened his eyes. At first his vision was blurry, but it gradually cleared, allowing him to look around. He was in a large chamber in the high reaches of the chapel. A large bell stood near the large window; there was trash strewn across the room, and strangely, there was a television set in the corner.

 _This must be the bell tower_ , he thought to himself.

He realized he was bound tightly by ropes, and as he struggled against them, he chanced a glance and found Eddy, Goombella, and Eduardo Junior tied up and unconscious as well.

"Truly, what is the meaning of this?" he demanded.

Two figures approached the hostages. One was Kevin, still wearing the cloak but with the torn hood down, looking rather smug; the other appeared to be under a white sheet with eye and mouth holes cut into it, exposing its glowing red eyes; it also wore a blue party hat and a red bowtie.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Kevin?" Edd demanded.

"He's workin' for me, Slick," replied the white-sheet creature as it sat down in the chair facing the TV set. "So I gotta ask, why you crashin' my party?"

"Party?!" Edd fired back. "You think this is funny? Transforming innocent souls into porcine farm dwellers?"

"Porcine what?" the figure asked incredulously, pretending not to know what Edd was talking about.

"Pigs, man," Kevin replied. "The dork's talkin' about pigs."

"Oh. Well, all right then, Slick," the figure stated. "Fine, yeah, it was me. I turned the townsfolk into pigs, and rang the bell each time so everyone would think it's some evil curse. Big whoop."

"Explain yourself!" Edd demanded. "Why would you do such a heinous thing?"

"Well, come on, you saw 'em, right?" the figure replied. "They're all so depressing, and _boring_ , and so dimwitted _all the time_ , it's like, UGGGH. I figure, hey, instead of wallowin' in doom 'n gloom, they might as well wallow in mud and slop! HA! And now they're pigs. Get it? It's _soooo_ perfect! Gotta love the irony, or something like that, am I right?"

As the figure explained his sociopathic reasoning, Edd noticed that Eddy had begun to regain consciousness, while Goombella and Eduardo Junior remained out cold. When the shortest Ed noticed Kevin in the room, he became enraged.

"Shovelchin!" he growled. "I shoulda known you'd be behind this! So why'd ya do it, jerk?!"

"It's your fault we wound up here in the first place, Dorky!" Kevin fired back, holding his bike wrench to Eddy's head. "Do you have ANY idea what I went through?! I got lost in the woods, and then I met this dude in the sheet, here, and we made a deal. As long I work for him as his apprentice, he lets me crash here, and makes sure I stay human when he plays his game with the bell."

"What?! You sold us out for a chump?!" Eddy yelled angrily.

"Think of it as payback for YOU takin' the wrong road down the creek, DORK!" Kevin shouted. "How's it feel, knowin' the scammer got scammed?"

"This is a new low, even for you!" Eddy shot back. "This is worse than the time you blabbed my middle name! Speaking of which, I bet you don't even know HIS name! Hey! Freak in the sheet! What's your name?"

The figure in the white sheet shot the diminutive scammer a nasty glare. "My name ain't important, slick."

"Oh, who cares, anyway? Hey! Shovelchin! Quit messin' around with this freak in a sheet, or so help me, I'll-"

"You'll what, dork?"

As Eddy continued to pick arguments with Kevin and the freak in a sheet, Edd began a spell to free himself.

"Heh heh heh," Kevin laughed, now in Eddy's face as he pocketed his wrench. "Well, I _would_ have the freak in a sheet turn you into a pig like the people in town… but you're already there!"

"Why don't you come here and say that to my-"

Finally Edd shouted: "FIRE!"

This got everyone's attention, as flames burned away the sock-headed youth's bindings, reducing them to ash. Before the slack-jawed Kevin could ask how that happened, Edd launched a Pathi-Flare at the freak in a sheet, buying enough time to free Goombella and Eduardo Junior. He untied the little Yoshi first, but Eduardo remained unconscious, despite Edd's attempts to awaken him.

"They'll pay for what they've done!" Edd declared, waving a hand to dismiss the fire.

"Hey! How'd you do that fire-thing, Double-Dork?" Kevin demanded.

"Oh, lookin' for a fight, are we?" laughed the monster in the white sheet. "Apprentice! Steel yourself!"

Both Kevin and the monster geared themselves for a fight, with Kevin whipping out his wrench while Edd brought out his rod. With a shout of "Flare!," the rod transformed into a flaming sword, just as it had done back in the Glitz Pit. Edd charged at the mutant in the white sheet, bypassing Kevin entirely, and slashed repeatedly, tearing at the mutant's sheet.

"Don't just stand there, slick! Get 'em!" the mutant shouted to Kevin.

Edd wheeled around and saw Kevin charging at him, wrench raised. Thinking quickly, Edd shielded himself with his flaming sword. The wrench erupted in searing heat upon contact with Edd's flaming sword, causing Kevin to drop his wrench and clutch his hand in pain with a yell.

"Dang it, how is he DOING that?!" he shouted.

"Snap out of it!" the monster yelled.

Kevin shook his head, trying to forget the burning pain, and grabbed Edd, throwing him into a wall and causing him to drop his flaming sword. The monster seized his own opportunity and grabbed the sock-headed boy.

Edd called out: "Heat!"

His body temperature skyrocketed, just as it had done when he launched his first accidental fireball during his Glitz Pit match against Bandy Andy and the Hand-It-Overs. The monster yelped in pain and released him.

"That's it! I'm through playing!" the monster shouted. "Apprentice! GET HIM!"

Immediately, Kevin let out a shout and jumped Edd, pinning him to the ground.

"Stop this madness at once, Kevin!" Edd demanded, struggling to break free.

"Too late, dork! No goin' back now!" Kevin fired back. "Everything that's gone wrong in my life is 'cuz of YOU DORKS! IT'S PAYBACK TIME!"

"You're making a mistake!" Edd screamed.

"Oh, am I?" Kevin yelled back.

 _I have to get through to him somehow_ , Edd thought to himself as he continued struggling. Finally, Edd summoned his strength and forced the jock off of him. Climbing to his feet, Edd pointed the fingers of both hands at Kevin and the monster in the sheet. Then he yelled.

"Rain of Flame!"

Immediately, a shower of fireballs rained down from above. While the monster managed to avoid them for the most part, Kevin wasn't as fortunate – he took quite a thrashing. As the spell came to a close, Edd noticed that one of the fireballs had grazed the monster.

"HEADS UP, SOCKHEAD!" Eddy suddenly shouted.

But it was too late. Edd felt a hard blow to his head and was knocked to the floor. Kevin pinned him to the floor again before he could climb to his feet, too dazed to focus another spell.

"Now's your chance!" the monster told Kevin. "Finish him!"

"Finish him how?" Kevin asked. The answer became apparent, however, and Kevin began to hesitate.

"Stab him in the chest, cut off his head, rip out his eyes, I don't care, just END HIS LIFE!" the monster ordered.

Kevin froze. End his life? But that would mean killing him! As much as he hated Edd and Eddy and loved nothing more than pounding them for all the misery that they had put him through, he couldn't bring himself to carry out the hit. He was a bully, yes, and he was rather apathetic about it, but he was no murderer. He wasn't a monster. As these thoughts swam around in his mind, he found his grip on Edd loosening. Finally Kevin spoke.

"…No. I'm not a killer."

"What?!" the monster shouted.

"You heard me. I don't mind poundin' 'em, but straight up killin' 'em? That's where I draw the line," Kevin fired back resolutely, climbing off of Edd and standing up.

 _Hmm_ , _it seems Kevin_ _does have a heart after all_ , the sock-headed youth thought as he lay on the floor.

"No! How dare you disobey a direct order, traitor?" the monster spat.

"Take your order and shove it in your eyes!" Kevin fired back. "Double-Dweeb's right – this is madness!"

"GrrrrrAAAAAH! I've HAD IT!" the monster shouted. "You slickos think you're a bunch of heavies, huh? If you thought turnin' people into pigs was impressive, then you're gonna LOVE THIS! Especially for you, Slick with the head-sock!"

As his red eyes glowed evilly, the creature raised his hands and performed a nonverbal spell, enveloping both himself and Edd in a sphere of blue energy. The purple mist related to the curse on Twilight Town suddenly filled the entire room. When the mist cleared, a new figure stood where the white-sheeted figure stood before. Now it was a dark indigo shadow, in the exact shape of Edd.

"Haha!" Dark-Edd taunted. "How do ya like THEM apples?! That's magic, people! Man, I'm such a genius. Now look at that, Sock-Slick – you're fightin' YOURSELF! But can you conquer yourself?"

"Rather easily, when my opponent shares my weaknesses," Edd countered, readying himself.

"Oh, puh-lease. Now you're burnin' the candle at both ends," Dark-Edd laughed. "I also have all of your strengths, Sock-Slick! Now, eat fire!"

Dark-Edd launched a purple flame which struck Edd head-on. Edd flew across the belfry before hitting the wall and crashing onto the floor.

 _The mimic_ ' _s adapted my strengths and my weaknesses_ , Edd thought grimly. _How can I possibly conquer a foe who is essentially myself_?

He felt a hand pull him back onto his feet. Surprisingly, it was Kevin who offered the assistance; clearly the jock had had enough.

"Oh, why, thank you, Kevin," Edd said.

"Don't thank me, man. I didn't do it for you," Kevin replied. "I'm only doin' this 'cuz this feeb's done enough damage."

"Don't make me laugh!" came the call of Dark-Edd. "I'm more powerful than all of you put together!"

"He's right, Kevin," said Edd. "We can't possibly do this on our own."

A hard clang suddenly came out of nowhere. Dark-Edd, who had just been struck from behind, fell to his knees. He picked up a nearby hammer – the one responsible for the surprise attack – in his hands.

"Gaaah! Who did this?" he demanded.

The reply came in the form of a familiar Italian voice: "It's-a me! A-Mario!"

Edd, Eddy, Kevin, and the mimic turned to face the newcomers: Mario, Nazz, Koops, and Madame Flurrie. Finally, everyone – save for Rolf and Jimmy, who had fallen victim to the porcine curse – was accounted for and ready to fight.

"Aw, man! Nazz! You're alive!" Kevin exclaimed. He ran over to Nazz and gave her a hug before pulling away just as quickly. At this moment, Goombella and Eduardo Junior finally regained consciousness and saw the scene unfolding before them. Dark-Edd growled as he summed up the unfair odds – one on nine.

With an angry yell, Edd ran up to his dark copy and pinned him to the ground.

"It's over, you facetious facsimile," Edd growled. "We know you're holding a Crystal Star. Now where is it?!"

"Heh, you're right," Dark-Edd replied, rather smugly despite being pinned down. "I do have the Star. As well as an ace up my sleeve, Sock-Slick."

"Is that so?" Edd growled, pinning down his dark copy even harder.

"Oh, YES!"

Dark-Edd suddenly glowed, and Edd continued glaring into the eyes of his copy. The next thing he felt was a bright flash within his mind.

All of a sudden, everything felt reversed. Now Edd was pinned on the ground, staring into a perfect reflection of his own face leering at him.

"So, what is your big plan?" he saw himself demand.

Edd couldn't respond, as he was still trying to absorb how the roles reversed. He then felt the sharp clang of his own rod being slammed right onto his head. Edd lost consciousness right then and there, and as the other Edd climbed off of him, everything went black…

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd could still hear the voices around him, despite being unconscious.

"Look, guys! He dropped the Crystal Star!" This was Goombella's voice.

"This must be the Ruby Crystal Star!" This was Nazz's voice.

"That's what that freak in a sheet had?" This was Kevin's voice.

"All right, Dad!" This was Eduardo Junior.

"We got-a what we came-a for." Mario's voice.

"Well, all right then, let's blow this joint!" Eddy's voice. "C'mon, Sockhead. We got rid of that curse thingy."

"Man, I can't believe how strong Double-D's become." Koops's voice.

"Madame is floored, n-est'ce pas?" Obviously Madame Flurrie.

"C'mon, guys, let's leave this faker and get outta here." Goombella's voice again. "Hopefully everyone in town who was transformed is back to their original forms."

This was followed by the sound of footsteps leaving the room, with Nazz carrying the Ruby Crystal Star. The sounds of voices and footsteps died down, and everything remained dark…

 **End of Part Three**


	34. 4-4: Edd-entity Crisis

**Chapter 4: For Pigs the Bell Tolls**

 **Part 4: Edd-entity Crisis**

Edd groaned as he slowly regained consciousness, and rubbed the sore area of his head, which continued to throb.

"Urgh… what happened?" he asked himself. "Wh… where is everyone?"

No reply came.

Edd was sore and confused. The last thing he remembered, he was pinning down the shadowy replica of himself, but one flash later, everything was reversed, and he himself became pinned down, staring into his own face. He looked around the room, but it was empty. The shadowy replica of himself was gone, along with his friends… who believed that they were leaving with the real Edd. As this realization came over him, he looked down at his hands. They were purple and shadowy – it was like he was staring at hand-shaped purple mist. As this sunk in, Edd slowly sat up and looked down at his whole body – and got a complete shock.

He was now the shadow! He was reduced to nothing but an indigo silhouette outline.

"Oh, no! My body's gone!" he exclaimed. "I've been violated!"

As if this wasn't bad enough, he also simultaneously realized that his friends were currently with the false Edd, who had apparently used a spell to switch forms with the real Edd.

"My friends… they don't know!" he exclaimed to no one. "Oh, dear, who knows what awful things he could do to them…?"

This horrifying revelation still fresh in his mind, he forced himself to his feet, rubbing his sore head all the way, and stumbled over to his rod and backpack, which the mimic had failed to take with him. Picking them up as best as he could, he hung the backpack over his shoulder and pocketed the rod before hobbling over to the stairs leading beneath the bell tower.

XXX000XXX000XXX

At the bottom of the stairs, the door to the altar room appeared to be bolted shut, but there was a small opening at the door's base, big enough for a mouse… or a toilet-paper-roll-sized tube. Edd summoned his black-chest-induced paper abilities to roll himself into a tube to slide beneath the door. On the other side, Edd unfurled back to his original shape and arrived in the main hall, the altar room, of the chapel.

"How did it come to this?" he asked himself. "What has he done to me?"

He paused to assess the hopeless situation he now found himself in. He was all alone in this cold, dark chapel. His body and name were gone, as were his friends, all stolen by that fake. The supplies in his backpack were limited, only consisting of a first-aid kit, his laptop computer and pedal steel guitar, the latter of which remained unused. Since he was alone, he was also much more prone to the dangers lurking in the darkness. With a hard gulp, he crossed to the door, opened it, and left the building.

The long, painful trek back to Twilight Town began. More than anything, he needed to get his rest. Holding his shadow of a hand in front of him, he summoned a moderate flame to light the long, arduous way back, begging for mercy from the woods as he continued. By a stroke of good fortune, he was spared from any surprise attacks. Eventually he came across the remains of the temporary campsite that he had set up with Eddy, Eduardo, and Goombella, and paused briefly. While it wasn't exactly _The Blair Witch Project_ , the outcome was awfully similar. It felt like he was robbed of his very soul by the demon in the abandoned chapel. Hanging his head low, he pressed on, finally reaching the exit of the woods and the "outhouse" behind which was the black chest that endowed him with the paper-tube ability. The settlement that was Twilight Town was now in view. Edd began to pick up the pace slightly as he walked past the shack and approached the gates.

CRASH!

Edd looked up at the source of the noise and saw a portal appear above him, through which the false Edd emerged.

"Hey, Sock-Slick, what's up?" the mimic jeered. "I been waitin' for ya!" The faker was now almost perfectly imitating Edd's voice, although some slight distortion remained.

"YOU!" Edd growled. "Just who are you, and what have you done to me?"

"Well, maybe before, my name didn't matter," the false Edd replied. "But now… just call me Double-D!"

The real Edd growled, his grip on the rod tightening.

"Haha! Such a great name ya came with! Sounds like a bra size!" laughed False-Edd. "I really dig this body, too! Man, I feel so much smarter! And hey, you're so popular around here! Apparently they heard all about your rise to Glitz Pit fame! I'm gettin' mobbed by fans! Man, I love bein' you! So yeah, I'm Double-D!"

"No, you're not! I'M DOUBLE-D, YOU IMPOSTER!" Edd shouted. "What have you done to me?! Answer me!"

"You still haven't figured it out? Man, I thought you were smart, but I guess I was wrong," False-Edd mocked. "Back at the bell tower, I invoked a spell to steal your identity. Everything you hold dear – your name, your body, your friends, your life – it's all mine now. Get used to it, 'cuz I ain't stoppin'! See, I got the power to change my shape into anyone I want. It's handy, y'know? But to _really_ be someone, I need their name and body, too. Whoever's name and body I steal is left behind as a shadow, unable to use their own name. So tough break for you, Sock-Slick! And that's not all. I will erase you from existence for good! Say goodbye to your friends and all, 'cuz they're all mine!"

"Don't you DARE harm my friends!" Edd growled. "If you lay a hand or a spell on any one of them, then so help me, I will REND YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!"

"My, my, do I detect hostility?" False-Edd teased. "Shadows are meant to be seen and not heard, Sock-Slick. Then again, I suppose it'd be unsporting of me to ruin you without some sort of challenge. So here, I'll give you one chance. But only one. Here it is: I'll give you back your name and body… if you can correctly guess my real name. Whaddya say, Sock-Slick? This'll be fun, right? So… what's my real name?"

Edd froze. This faker's real name never came up back at the bell tower. All he kept saying was that it never mattered. But this was his only shot to get back what was rightfully his – his name, his body, his friends, his life. He couldn't afford to screw this up. Unfortunately, Edd didn't know what the faker's real name was. In his mind, this leg of his journey went from _The Blair Witch Project_ to _Rumpelstiltskin_ , where the princess had to guess the title character's name correctly in exchange for her freedom. He had to guess, and fast. So he guessed the first thing that came to mind.

"Uh… Rumpelstiltskin?"

"NOPE! Wrongamundo, ya little nobody! Who'd name their kid that?"

"WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS?" Edd demanded one last time.

"Ugh, they're all at the Inn, takin' a rest," False-Edd demanded. "We'll all be leavin' soon. Enjoy your new life as a nobody, Sock-Slick."

"Grrrr-AAAAGH!"

Edd dashed up to the monster with his rod raised, but the fake just chuckled and vanished before impact.

He screamed in rage again. The rage, however, quickly gave way to despair.

"I… I've lost."

Edd recalled his friends, who had been with him up to this point; and how they would all be leaving with a monster who would do who-knows-what to them if he didn't do something soon. With little else to do, he re-entered Twilight Town.

There were no more pigs in the town anymore; only the townsfolk, who had been transformed back to normal. He approached the inn and peered through the window, crouching down just enough so that he wouldn't be seen. Even Rolf and Jimmy had been restored to normal, and were currently making conversation with the group of friends and the false-Edd.

 _At least one good thing came out of this_ , Edd thought. _The curse has been lifted_. _But I can't go inside_. _I cannot face my friends in this state_ … _that facsimile has them under his spell_ , _has them convinced that I'm the fake_ …

Edd lost himself in his thoughts. Where else could he go? What else could he do? To whom could he turn?

The milk of human kindness would be of no use to him; no one would come to his aid now that he was, quite literally, a shadow of what he once was. He truly felt that he was at his lowest point right now. None of his past crises could compare to this; not the time his shower underwent renovations and he was left to wallow in filth until Eddy took matters into his own hands; not the time his minor misstep caused him to lose to _Ed_ of all people in the annual spelling bee; not the time he'd spent having been labeled the biggest bully at Peach Creek Junior High and subsequently lost a fight to Jimmy; not the times in which he himself was blamed by the other kids for Eddy and Ed wreaking havoc around the cul-de-sac; not losing to the Kanker Sisters in a wrestling match; not even his first Glitz Pit loss against the Armored Harriers could compare to this, the ultimate identity crisis. If Ed were here, bless his soul, he would think that Edd's body was snatched by aliens like in the copious comic books he always was reading, which in this case was not too far off from the truth.

He was truly out of options. _Once again_ , _the milk of human kindness has abandoned me_.

Still weak and fatigued from the beating he had endured from Kevin and the false-Edd back at the Creepy Steeple, he looked around for a place to rest, and found one: Not too far from the stubborn warp pipe that served as the entryway from Rogueport Sewers, he discovered a patch of grass that still seemed lively in this unsettling environment. Yes, this would be sufficient.

Edd crossed over to the grass and began to smooth it out so he could use it as a makeshift mattress. He then set his backpack down, intending to use it as a pillow. With tears forming in his eyes, he exhaled and lay down on the grass, closed his eyes, and quietly cried himself to sleep.

 **End of Part Four**


	35. 4-5: A Friend in the Shadows

**Chapter 4: For Pigs the Bell Tolls**

 **Part 5: A Friend in the Shadows**

"Mmwee-hee-hee-hee-hee! We've finally arrived, my lovelies."

Edd was awakened by the sound of a voice, cackling like a witch. As he watched, three shadowy figures rose from the ground; three figures he recognized.

 _The Shadow Sirens_! he realized. _I_ ' _ve seen them in the Boggly Woods_. _Marie Kanker forewarned me that they would make their move_.

Edd grabbed his backpack and inched closer to them, standing behind a nearby tree to listen in on their conversation.

"Where do you think they are, Beldam?" asked the pink-haired one, whom Edd recognized was known as Vivian, the sister who wore a hat with pink and white stripes.

Beldam, who bore blue hair and wore a hat with blue and white stripes, responded by grabbing Vivian violently and shaking her.

"You learn your place!" she spat. "You are in no position to be questioning ME, your oldest sister."

"But- but I wasn't-"

"Rotten, lowlife scum!" Beldam spat disgustedly, throwing Vivian to the ground hard.

 _Oh_ , _my_ , _this is horrible_ , Edd thought as he watched in shock the scene that unfolded. _No wonder that poor soul is so miserable_ …

"As much as I love to see you squirm like the worm you are, we have more important matters to attend to, do you remember?" Beldam cackled. "This time, we'll certainly get the jump on those heroes, that Mario and that Double-D, and steal that map and their Crystal Stars! With the Superbombomb that we received from Grodus, there's no way we'll fail."

 _Oh_ , _good lord_ , _could things be any worse_? he wondered as he heard this.

The larger yellow-and-white-hatted blonde Shadow Siren, whom Edd recognized as Marilyn, just let out a stupid groan of "Guuuhhh." The sock-headed silhouette watched as Beldam turned to face Vivian.

"Now, Vivian," she demanded. "Hand me that glorious Superbombomb."

Vivian gasped in surprise. "Huh?"

"Vivian… That 'huh' better not mean what I think it means," Beldam warned.

"I-I-I never had it!" Vivian stammered nervously. "You were holding it not two seconds ago! Y-You said it was too important to-to trust me with…"

"You ungrateful, terrible liar! Do not go and make excuses to cover for your gross incompetence!" Beldam snapped. "I do not have the device, which means _you_ had the device, which means YOU lost it! Or are you insinuating that _I_ lost the device, you imbecile?"

"I, um… no, not at all…"

"Lies! All lies!"

Edd's horror turned to shocked disgust as Beldam threw a punch at Vivian, followed by another, and another, and another. Even when Vivian had already fallen to the ground, Beldam continued her vicious, unjustified onslaught.

 _For shame_! Edd thought. _To treat your own sister like lowly garbage_! _You truly sicken me_ , _Beldam_!

"You are such an idiot!" Beldam growled. After what seemed like forever, she finally ceased her onslaught. "We can't do much without that Superbombomb, now can we? Oh… I'm sure you dropped it around here somewhere."

Vivian opened her mouth to protest, but Beldam held up a menacing fist that silenced her instantly.

"It's settled," Beldam continued. "You will remain out here to search for it, while Marilyn and I go and take a hard-earned siesta. _Am I understood_?!"

Vivian nodded fearfully.

"You know what will happen to you if you fail to find it," Beldam warned.

"…I… I get punished," Vivian quavered.

"That's right, you little twit," Beldam spat. "So get cracking! Now!"

She then turned to her other sister, Marilyn. "Come, Marilyn. Let's leave this useless little waste of space to her chore."

Marilyn grunted stupidly as she and Beldam disappeared back into the shadows, leaving the tearful Vivian by herself. As Edd watched her crying, he felt a tinge of guilt and heartache. Surely, while Vivian was a Shadow Siren and was thus his enemy, his heart truly broke for her knowing she had to suffer this cruel Cinderella treatment day in and day out.

 _She may be my enemy_ , _but I simply cannot leave her in this state_ , he thought to himself. He emerged from his hiding spot and began to approach the crying Siren, but stopped abruptly at a scary thought. _Oh_ , _dear_ … _What if she recognizes me_ , _even in MY current state_?

He looked down at his shadowy, silhouetted appearance and slowly figured that she wouldn't be able to determine his identity. Casting aside self-worry, he approached Vivian.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

Vivian looked up at him, tears streaming from her eyes. She sniffled and wiped some tears away, but said nothing.

"Have you lost something?" he asked, despite already knowing the answer.

"Yes, I… I have… oh, you don't wanna hear this," she cried. "It's not your problem…"

"On the contrary," Edd replied empathetically. "I don't mind putting aside my own problems to help others with theirs."

"Oh, um…" Vivian was unsure how to respond. This silhouette, this shadow figure, was actually being kind to her. Should she trust him?

"Perhaps I can help you look for it," he offered.

"Wow, um… really? Uh… thanks… I guess," she replied, beginning to calm down slightly. The fact that this silhouetted stranger willingly offered to help her… he was being so kind to her, something she clearly hadn't experienced in a long time and never received from her own sisters. Yes… perhaps she could trust him after all.

"Well, um… I'm looking for this super-important thing… a Superbombomb, it's called," she explained. "If I don't find it, my sister's gonna beat me to a pulp again… that's her idea of punishment. But it's just not here… oh, where could it be…?"

"Here, allow me to assist you," Edd replied.

He knew what the Sirens were planning on using this "Superbombomb" for, but he still felt compelled to help Vivian, and so he got down on all fours to search the grass for the lost item.

"What, may I ask, happened to you?" he inquired, pretending he hadn't witnessed the horrific, disgusting scene earlier.

"Don't… worry about me," she replied timidly.

Before long, Edd found what Vivian was looking for: The item appeared to resemble a military-issue grenade, with a skull-and-crossbones design on two of its sides. A large crack ran from the top of the device to the bottom, essentially rendering it a useless dud.

 _This weapon will never go off in this condition_ , he thought. _It would seem that Mario and the others were never in any real danger from this farce of a device_.

Edd picked up the now-useless Superbombomb and handed it to Vivian.

"Is this the, um… 'Superbombomb' you were looking for?" he asked.

"You found it? Oh, thank-thank goodness… At least I won't get punished now," she replied. sniffling.

Edd showed the Superbombomb to Vivian, who immediately noticed the huge crack on it.

"Oh no! It's broken!" she gasped. "It… it must've broken when Beldam dropped it."

"Can you get up?" Edd asked, noticing how the injured Siren was struggling to stand up.

"No," she replied sadly. "…You've done enough for me… don't keep wasting your time on me."

"I must confess, I witnessed the entire exchange," Edd noted. "Your name is Vivian, right? And your sister, Beldam… she's the one with blue hair, correct?"

"Y-yes," she answered.

"You must be in terrible pain," he said. "I know a thing or two about first aid. Here, let me assist you."

"…O-okay," she moaned.

Edd knelt down beside her. _I_ ' _ve done this with my human friends before back at the cul-de-sac_ , _but never with a Shadow Siren_ , he thought to himself. He decided to check her arms; he tapped her right arm first. Apart from a large cut, it didn't cause any stress. He then tapped her left arm.

"Yow!" she cried out.

"Oh, my, it seems your arm is broken," Edd observed. "Um… here."

Edd went to work almost instantly. Setting his backpack down, he dug around and found his first-aid kit. Opening it, he found it contained only a roll of gauze, bandages, and blood stoppers. This wasn't the time to be neurotic about missing first aid items, though. Edd removed the roll of gauze and placed a hand on Vivian's shoulder.

"Now, this may hurt just a bit," he noted.

Vivian nodded. Edd gently wrapped the gauze around her broken left arm. The injured Shadow Siren shuddered in pain slightly but remained still. Edd then bit off the gauze to separate it from the rest of the roll, completing the makeshift cast. Addressing the cut on her right arm, he pulled out the bottle of water he had stored inside to disinfect the wound. He hesitated for a bit, knowing it would bring an end to his water supply.

"This may hurt a little bit, too," he told her. He then poured the water into the cut, causing her to whimper slightly as the water flowed over the wound. He then used his shirt to lightly dry it off before applying a blood stopper and a bandage to the affected area.

"There you go. You should be all right now," he said, putting the supplies back into his first-aid kit before returning the kit to his backpack. "Just make a note not to use either arm too much in the future."

"Uh… thanks," Vivian said politely.

"You're welcome," Edd replied.

She sniffled again. "Um… why are you helping me?"

"Because no one deserves to suffer such harsh treatment, let alone from one's own family. Say, come to think of it… why did this happen to you?"

"Well, um… my sister, Beldam, always treats me like this… She always treats me lower than dirt, and I don't even know why… I guess I was just meant to be punished for life…"

"Good Lord, that's horrible. You should never have to bear such a woeful burden."

"Heh, you're… you're such a nice shadow. You went out of your way to help me… and I don't even know your name."

"My name?" Edd was startled by this. "Ummm…"

Edd's heart both raced and sank at this question. There was no way he could tell Vivian who he really was. For one thing, if he told her that he was Edd, she would surely realize their animosity and attack him. But at the same time, there was currently a certain sadistic prankster who was already passing himself off as Edd and reaping the accolades for breaking the "curse" on Twilight Town, with Edd's comrades none the wiser to the faker's duplicity.

"I suppose I can open myself up to you," he explained. "See, the reason I can't tell you my name is… well…"

"What?" Vivian asked.

"My identity was stolen from me," Edd finally explained. "My name and body, pilfered, plundered, filched by the white-sheeted demon that resides in the belfry of the old Twilight Chapel. Just when I thought I had him, he switched our appearances using some form of legerdemain, and now he's masquerading as yours truly, with all of my friends none the wiser."

"Your name was stolen? Hmm… I guess that happens every now and then," Vivian said. "Wait- no, it doesn't! Your _name AND body_ were stolen?"

"That's correct," Edd lamented.

"Gee whiz… you've got it worse than I do," Vivian observed. "But this whole time, you put your problems aside to help me with mine… that's very kind of you."

"Thank you," Edd said.

Vivian, using only her right arm, climbed to her feet and wobbled a bit as she struggled to stand upright. Seeing this, Edd gently balanced her out, taking extra caution not to aggravate her myriad wounds.

"Thanks," she said. "I know what I gotta do now."

"What might that be?" Edd asked.

"Your generosity shouldn't go without reciprocation," she stated, matter-of-factly. "I'm gonna help you get your name and body back."

"Are you certain?" Edd inquired, wanting to spare her any further pain. "You're still very badly hurt. You should rest and allow your wounds to heal first."

"Like I said, don't worry about me," she continued as she made her case. "After what you've done for me, the least I can do is help you in return. Please, let me come with."

Edd pondered this for a little bit. _I have no doubt that this will be rather discomforting_ , _aligning myself with someone I once considered a foe_. _At this point_ , _however_ , _I_ ' _ll need all the help I can get_. _Besides_ , _from what I_ ' _ve seen and heard_ , _she_ ' _ll most likely be safer with me than with her vile sisters_.

"…Very well, then," Edd told her. "There's no shame in accepting help during times of need."

"Don't I know that," Vivian replied.

She gripped the Superbombomb in her hand, the weapon formerly intended to wipe out her sisters' enemies, now seen as a symbol of her sisters' hatred and malice. With a mighty throw, she tossed it into the woods, symbolically severing ties with her sinister sisters. She and Edd shared slight smiles with each other, grateful to finally have a friend in their times of need.

"So where do we start?" Vivian asked.

"Well… I can't just walk into the inn and face my friends as I am now," Edd lamented. "That facsimile in there has them convinced that he's the real me and I'm the fake, so they would have us outnumbered. It would seem the only way for us to have a chance is if any of them begin to catch on to the mimic's ruse. This is quite a quandary."

"Well, do you have a way to communicate with them safely without the need to just barge in?" Vivian asked.

Edd slapped his forehead as he remembered the laptop in his backpack. "Ah! Of course! Why did I not think of this sooner! Vivian, you're a genius!"

He extracted the laptop from his backpack and immediately logged on.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd's friends, both from this world as well as his own, were all gathered together inside the inn. Rolf and Jimmy were back to normal, and they were taking a short rest before leaving the province. As of yet, none of them were aware that "Edd" was an imposter.

"So, like, when do we leave? I just wanna get the heck out of here," Goombella said to "Edd."

"In a bit. We just gotta get rested," he replied.

"Madame must say, vous do not seem ze same as before, Monsieur Eddward," Flurrie said suspiciously.

"Yeah, did you just say 'gotta?' I've never known you to ever use improper grammar, Double-D," Jimmy noted.

"I'm fine, what are you talking about?" replied the false Edd.

The _Super Mario Bros_. _3_ Ice Land map jingle emanated from Mario's Mailbox SP, taking him by surprise.

"Mamma-mia!" he noted. "Why is-a my Mailbox SP a-beeping?"

In a brief moment, he wondered if Jolene had re-assumed her "X" persona as she had done in the Glitz Pit. Knowing he had to check to find out, Mario opened his Mailbox SP and found a new instant message, which he read silently to himself:

"Mario? Listen to me. This is Double-D speaking."

 _What_? thought the plumber to himself. He looked over at "Edd," who was sitting in a nearby chair without his laptop, and became convinced that he was being trolled. He typed his reply:

"You're not Double-D. Double-D's in here with us. Nice try, Mr. Prankster, but you'd have an easier time fooling me with a large mansion in Boo Woods."

Edd wasn't sure what Mario meant by "mansion in Boo Woods," but he knew Mario didn't believe him. He tried again:

"No, I swear, it's me! Double-D!"

Mario decided to humor this potential troll who claimed to be Edd, and replied:

"Prove it, then."

The window of opportunity opened up for Edd and Vivian. The sock-headed shadow typed:

"My name is Eddward Bentley, but everyone calls me Double-D. Eddy calls me Sockhead. You speak with an Italian accent. I'm from a cul-de-sac in another dimension, along with Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Eddy, and Kevin. I hatched a Yoshi egg at the Glitz Pit and named him Eduardo Junior, and he has a mohawk on his head. Is that evidence enough?"

Mario considered Edd's reply for a brief moment before responding: "Okay, you've got my attention."

Things appeared to be going a bit more smoothly. Edd typed his response:

"Listen to me. That's not Double-D in there with you. He's the imposter, not I."

Mario's response came immediately: "Give me one reason why I should believe you."

Edd replied instantly. "Please, I implore you to listen. Gather everyone together and bring them back to the bell tower at the Creepy Steeple. I will meet you there with the evidence I need to prove my identity to you."

Mario became interested in this mysterious troll who claimed to be Edd, and replied:

"Very well. You've got a deal. But you better be telling the truth. If we find out you're lying, it's the end of the line for you."

Edd signed off and closed his laptop, returning it to his backpack; simultaneously, inside the inn, Mario put away his Mailbox SP and looked over at "Edd," raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"All right then, the stage is set," Edd explained.

"So now what?" Vivian asked.

"We meet them back where this mess started, in the chapel's bell tower," Edd explained. "Once we're all gathered, I'll prove to them once and for all that I am not the imposter."

"Hey, um… Mister Shadow-Person?" Vivian inquired.

"Yes, Vivian?"

"If this doesn't work, then… you'll still have me," she replied, attempting to help him feel better.

"Thank you," Edd replied, somewhat smiling. This wasn't just words, either; he meant what he said, since she had been a real friend to him in this, his darkest hour to date.

"So let's go, then," Vivian piped up.

With this, Edd and Vivian left Twilight Town and set off through the woods once more for the building now known as the Creepy Steeple.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Here we are, Vivian. We've arrived," Edd spoke. After yet another arduous trek through the haunted woods, Edd and Vivian had arrived back at the Creepy Steeple's front gates, which were now locked shut.

"You nervous?" Vivian asked.

"A little bit," he replied.

"Well, as long as we're together, I won't let anything bad happen to you," she told him resolutely.

"Thank you Vivian," Edd replied sincerely. "I'm truly grateful-"

She suddenly screamed, "LOOK OUT!"

Edd barely had time to dodge a ghostly-looking creature that had suddenly emerged from the darkness, but he wasn't quite quick enough. In the surprise attack, the ghost struck Edd clear across the forehead with enough force to rip his treasured hat clear off his head, strangely emitting a loud and unexpected metallic clang as it did so. Vivian, with her unbroken arm, quickly threw a punch at the ghost, causing it to vanish on impact.

"Are you all right?" she asked. "That ghost came out of-"

She turned to face him and yelped in shock at the sight of Edd's exposed forehead.

"Vivian? What's the matter?" he inquired, unaware of the forced removal of his hat.

It took a few seconds for the shocked Vivian to find her voice again. "You… you're…"

"I'm… what?" he asked quizzically. "What's wrong?"

Realizing that Vivian was looking at his forehead, he felt the top of his head.

"OH NO!" he exclaimed. "My hat-!"

He quickly covered his head with both hands. Under his hat, he had slightly long-ish, black, messy hair, which was currently a dark purple in his current state. The strangest feature of his head, however, was just barely hiding behind his hair, on his forehead: In the upper center of his forehead rested a small, round, metallic rune, no bigger than a quarter in size, bearing a carved eye symbol. Edd quickly reclaimed his hat and hastily placed it back on his head, covering the strange rune back up, fearful of what was to happen next. Vivian stared in disbelief at the sight, speechless for a while. Finally, she said, rather cryptically:

"…I know who you are."

 **End of Part Five**


	36. 4-6: Your Real Edd Here

**Chapter 4: For Pigs the Bell Tolls**

 **Part 6: Your Real Edd Here**

"What? What do you mean, you know who I am?" was all Edd could respond with. It was dumb, but he was panicking at Vivian's revelation. His heart and his thoughts were racing frantically. _Oh dear_ , _oh dear_ , _oh dear_ … _has she truly figured out that I_ ' _m Double-D_? _I truly do not want to end up in battle with her_!

"How long have you been in this dimension?" she asked him, rather demandingly.

"Pardon?" Edd responded. "How did you know about-?"

The bell chimed again, heightening Edd's level of panic. The curse on the Twilight Town citizenry may have been lifted, but still, for Edd, the chime signaled a very important moment.

"We're late! We should already be at the bell tower!" he exclaimed.

Vivian didn't move or respond; she was still in a state of shock and disbelief.

"Please, Vivian!" he pleaded. "Help me! I can't do this alone!"

Rather hesitantly, Vivian nodded.

Edd discovered that there was a small opening in the wall surrounding the steeple. This gave him an idea: He placed a hand on the still-out-of-it Vivian's shoulder and rolled himself into a tube, allowing the power to spread to Vivian, and together they rolled under the opening and arrived at the front door of the building. After unfurling, Edd opened the door, and the two shadows re-entered the steeple hurriedly.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"So what are we doing here again?" Koops asked quizzically.

"I received a message-a claiming-a to be from-a Double-D," Mario replied.

The "Edd" with the group suddenly took a step backwards, suspecting that he was close to being found out.

"He _claims-a_ there's-a been a mix-up," Mario noted, glancing at the false-Edd.

The doors to the bell tower opened, and two shadows – Vivian and the real Edd – entered the room.

"You again, slick?" the false-Edd greeted the interlopers. "Pretty stubborn of ya to follow us all the way here!"

"You! Shadow!" Mario piped up, addressing the real Edd. "Are you the one who contacted-a me?"

"Ahem, yes, that's correct," replied the real Edd.

"Wow, do you believe this guy?" Eddy laughed.

"Hey, is that one of the Shadow Sirens with him?" Goombella added, noting Vivian's presence. "That's rich! Don't worry, Double-D, we're with you all the way!"

"Lady Luck's not with you tonight, charlatan!" Jimmy shouted at Edd.

"That creep couldn't take us all on his own, so he buddied up with a Shadow Siren!" Koops laughed.

"Well, Madame shall not let any pain come to ze young monsieur!" Flurrie added.

"Listen up, shadow-fake!" Eduardo Junior piped up. "You're gonna taste the pain! Eduardo-style!"

"Please, listen to me, everyone!" Edd pleaded, pointing to False-Edd. "This fellow is an imposter!"

Nazz looked back and forth at the two Edds and chuckled. "Yeah, sure, and I'm Kim Possible."

"Truly, I am!" Edd pleaded again. Vivian remained silent and surprised throughout the scene.

"You're a liar!" Kevin shouted. "And if there's one thing I hate more than dorks, it's liars!"

The short-tempered jock charged forward at Edd with his wrench raised. Thinking quickly, Edd held out his hands and shouted: "Flame Shield!"

A shield of flame surrounded Edd and stopped Kevin in his tracks. Kevin jumped back with a shout of "Whoa!"

"Fire…?" Vivian was now truly shocked and dumbfounded. "Aside from myself, there's only one other who can command fire… the one I met in Boggly Woods…"

"Vivian?" Edd inquired, noticing this.

She looked up at Edd, with a mix of sadness and anger in her face. "That means… you're the one known as Double-D!"

"I thought you said you knew!" Edd gasped, confused.

"I… I can't believe this," Vivian moaned. "The one my sisters and I swore to destroy… instead…" She shuddered. "I… I _helped_ you."

"Please, Vivian…" Edd began

"Crud…" Vivian cried. "I feel like such an idiot… So was I just a means to an end, so you could get what you want? Patching me up with this cast and this bandage… was that all part of your act?"

"Aw, what's wrong?" Fake-Edd taunted. "Fight with your little girlfriend? Well, don't expect any sympathies from us, ghoulie-ghouls!"

"Please, Vivian, it's not what you think!" Edd pleaded.

"Oh, stuff it!" Vivian fired back. "I should've known better than to trust anyone."

"Please, Vivian!" Edd pleaded again, to no avail, as Vivian had already sulked back into the shadows, leaving Edd alone against his friends, all of whom were convinced that the fake-Edd was the real one, and vice versa.

"See that?" Fake-Edd taunted. "All your friends ditched you 'cuz ya don't have my charisma! And now even your little girlfriend walked out on ya. Now that that little debacle's done and over with, I do believe we have a battle to commence."

Edd knew he had no chance, not without Vivian's help. "No, please… I don't want to fight you."

"Why, 'cuz you're too chicken to go one-on-eleven?" Fake-Edd taunted.

"No… because I don't want to hurt those who stand around you," Edd replied.

Fake-Edd laughed. Just the sight of this, the faker enjoying Edd's misery, caused rage to boil inside the real Edd, until he couldn't contain it anymore. Looking up, he growled and charged at his sadistic copy as fast as he could.

"Nazz, go!" Fake-Edd ordered quickly.

Nazz jumped in front of the copy and intercepted Edd's blow, responding with a punch clear across his face. She whipped out the X-Naut staff and kept up the attack, while Edd managed to shield himself from some of her blows.

"Nazz, you're done now! Return!" Fake-Edd ordered; Nazz reluctantly obeyed.

Edd tried again to attack his copy, but this time was intercepted by Goombella and Koops, who swarmed him and pounced on him, pinning him to the floor. Edd knew he had to fight back somehow, otherwise he was as good as dead. Summoning his strength, he jumped and threw Goombella and Koops off of him before pointing to his copy, his fingertips glowing as he readied a fire attack. But False-Edd was already ahead of him, and he launched a fire attack of his own, sending Edd crashing into a wall with great force.

"Well, that oughta do it, dude," Nazz said rather proudly.

"No, that's not enough!" False-Edd yelled. "Keep up the attack!"

"He's already down, just please, stop it!" Jimmy pleaded desperately.

"No, no, no!" the copy screamed. "Kill him! End his life!"

Taking the cue, Kevin dashed forward with wrench in hand, while Edd countered with his rod. With each strike, sparks flew from both weapons to complement the fierce clanging noises.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Disappointed in herself, Vivian sulked in the basement cellar of the steeple. It was a rather unpleasant, musty, cold, and windowless room, fairly short and dimly lit, with only a ceiling lantern that looked like it could give out at any moment. Cobwebs lined the room, from the walls to the ceiling. An old, dusty, dilapidated armoire sat in the far corner of the room adjacent to a cobweb-covered wall-mount bookshelf, just past the room's only other occupant, a green-and-yellow-feathered parrot with a big reddish-orange beak standing on a wooden perch. Two broken jack-in-the-boxes sat in front of the armoire, while Vivian herself was sulking near the parrot.

"Polly wanna cracker?" the parrot squawked.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Vivian muttered to herself, ignoring the bird. "How could I not have known that I was helping my enemy? The one I swore to eliminate to get back on Beldam's good side? He seemed so nice… yeah, they always seem nice. Please. The only time anyone's ever nice to you is because they want something, and the minute they get what they want, they dump you like last night's Dried Shroom… but if that shadow-creature is really this Double-D, then… who's that pretending to be him? What's his name? And why can't I shake this feeling that I've met this Double-D before?"

The parrot squawked with a loud "Skraaawk," startling Vivian.

"Polly wanna cracker?" the parrot squawked.

"No, I don't 'wanna cracker,' and my name's not Polly," Vivian snapped. "If you'll excuse me, I need some time to myself…"

With a shudder, Vivian sank back into the shadows, right in front of the parrot. The bird looked around, feeling alone in the room. With no one else around, the parrot spoke again. But this time, the words were different.

"Skrawk! Where's that weird shadow-girl who was just here? Aw, whatever… It was almost nice to have some company in forever, even if she was rather rude… I mean, no matter how important it is that his real name remain unknown to all else… The stupid jerk locked me up in here just 'cuz I know it, and what, he doesn't trust me? He actually thinks I'd go and blab his real name to the world? That's no way to treat a parrot! Man, I _really_ need a cracker… Hey, when's feeding time, huh? You better feed me! You're still a big _meanie_ , DOOPLISS!"

Instantly Vivian shot back up into the room from beneath the shadows. Now the parrot was the one who was startled."SkraWHAAAAAAWK?!"

"What did you just say, birdbrain?!" Vivian demanded.

"Uh… Pretty bird! Pretty bird!" The parrot reverted back to its regular behavior.

"His name! His real name's Doopliss?!" Vivian demanded.

The parrot responded as before, just saying "Pretty bird" and "Polly wanna cracker" on repeat.

Vivian found her thoughts racing, and began muttering to herself again.

"So his name's Doopliss! He's the one who stole Double-D's name and body, and his friends! Wait a minute… Double-D… I feel like I met him before… oh, yeah, that's right… in Boggly Woods…"

 **FLASHBACK**

"Now we got her!" proclaimed Goombella. "Double-D! Take your rod and slam it on Vivian, hard as you can! That should finish her!"

Now standing upright, Edd brandished his rod and began charging at Vivian. He then stopped short, however, and had a change of heart upon seeing the look on Vivian's face. She was still crying, as a result of the combined abuse from Beldam and the beating that she was receiving from the others. He hated to see anyone hurt like so, suffering in silence with no escape from the endless torment. Looking over at Beldam, who was snickering evilly nearby as the fight dragged on, Edd decided to shift targets. He resumed his running charge, raised his rod, and landed a hard, determined blow - on Beldam.

"Yeouch! You WRETCHED little boy!" Beldam shouted angrily.

"Double-D! You were supposed to hit Vivian!" Goombella complained.

"I, um… sorry, I missed?" said Edd, feigning confusion. It was clear, though, that Beldam was his intended target, not Vivian.

"Uhh!" groaned Goombella. She charged toward Marilyn and hopped onto her back. Nazz later charged at Marilyn herself, but the large Shadow Siren managed to grab her and throw her at Rolf, sending both of them crashing to the ground.

"Lightning!" called Marilyn, pointing one of her large hands skyward. About a second later, a bolt of lightning crashed down on the ground and shook up the group, long enough to allow Beldam to connect with another blow to Nazz.

"Vivian! Attack them! NOW!" demanded Beldam of her youngest sister.

Reluctantly, Vivian darted over to Edd and punched, but the sock-headed boy deflected the blow with his rod, holding it sideways in both hands and pushing her away. She didn't fall to the ground, however; instead she just stood there as Edd shifted targets once again.

 **END FLASHBACK**

"Of course," she said to herself. "Of all of them, Double-D was the only one who never laid a hand on me… Even when I was forced to attack him, he deflected my punch without throwing me to the ground… he actually took real pity on me, and he went after Beldam instead…"

Lost in thought, Vivian found herself comparing the way Edd treated her to the way her sisters always treated her; the former with pity, kindness, and care, and the latter with violence, abuse, and unjustified punishment. She shook her head and finally made her choice.

"Beldam, Marilyn, I'm sorry… but this Double-D is the only one who's ever shown me real kindness," she said. "True kindness should not go unreciprocated. I've been unfair to him… I know what I have to do now."

Now resolute, and armed with knowledge of the false-Edd's true identity, Vivian sank back into the shadows and exited the cellar, leaving the parrot alone once again.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Jimmy dashed forward and swung his Super Hammer with all his might, slamming Edd with enough force to knock him into the wall again. Edd groaned in immense pain. This was followed by a body slam from the heavyset Madame Flurrie, causing Edd to cry out again.

"Good! Keep it up!" False-Edd shouted.

Rolf made his move, whacking Edd with his Puni-emblazoned bag. As Rolf returned, False-Edd turned to Eduardo Junior.

"All right, little slick. Finish him!" he ordered.

"Got it!" Eduardo exclaimed with a nod. "No one tries to rip off my dad!"

The little Yoshi darted up to Edd and bounced up high, attempting to ground-pound him. As quickly as he could, Edd managed to roll away just in time, causing Eduardo to instead slam the floor. Disappointed but undeterred, the little Yoshi ran back to False-Edd, partially smiling.

"Don't worry, Dad, I'll get him next time," he told him.

False-Edd let out a frustrated yell. "What's wrong with you? Everyone else could do it; how come you couldn't?"

What happened next was both unexpected and appalling: False-Edd struck Eduardo Junior clear across the snout. Everyone present, including the real Edd, gasped in shock.

"…D-Dad? Why?" Eduardo cried, tears in his eyes.

"Get it through your head! I'm not your daddy, and that's that!" False-Edd spat.

Eduardo burst into tears and cried in Jimmy's arms for comfort.

"How could you strike a child like that?!" Edd screamed angrily. "That is truly… GAH! Words cannot even describe this!"

"Yeah, Double-D, that's horrible!" Goombella snapped.

"Wow, you're such a jerk, Double-D," said Nazz, disgusted. "To think I actually thought you were nice…"

"Why are you such a meanie, Double-D?!" Jimmy cried.

"Oh, shut up, all of you!" the imposter screamed. "Attack him! Attack until he's breathed his last breath!"

"…No way, you bully," Eduardo told him. "I'm outta here."

Eduardo ran over to the stairs, but stopped when he reached the real Edd. The little Yoshi sniffed the shadow that was the real sock-headed youth, and discovered a familiar scent. Right then and there, it finally became clear to Eduardo who the real Edd was, and he kindly extended his small hand and helped the shadow to sit up.

"What?!" the imposter spat. "What do you think you're doing, you backstabbing whelp?"

"Oh, come on! Ya really think I don't know my own dad?!" the little Yoshi fired back. "Ya don't even SMELL like him! Ya smell like cheap laundry detergent!"

The imposter let out another frustrated shout; he was at his wit's end. "Well, if none of you will finish him off, I guess I'll just have to do it myself!"

False-Edd charged at the real Edd and the little Yoshi, his fists raised.

"STOP!" came the sudden shout of a female voice.

Vivian emerged from the shadows directly in front of Edd and the Yoshi and deflected the imposter's attack.

"Vivian?" Edd was surprised at her sudden return. He watched in awe as she raised her good arm and pointed at the imposter, shouting:

"Fireball!"

A ball of flame shot from her finger and struck the imposter, burning him badly and sending him to the floor.

"You might be good at playing other people, but clearly, you're terrible at being yourself," Vivian told the imposter, who shot her a glare.

"And just who in the River Twygz are you?" False-Edd demanded.

"You keep a parrot in a dusty old room in the basement," Vivian continued. "Not very favorable conditions for a bird. But he's pretty chatty. Didn't even know I was still in the room when he went on that tirade…"

"I don't know what you're talking about," the imposter groaned.

"Ain't it weird how birdies can tell a lot about a fake?" she said smugly. "Huh, _Doopliss_?"

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!" the imposter screamed in horror.

 _ **Doopliss**_ _is the true name of the Duplighost responsible for stealing Edd's name, body, and friends, as well as the porcine curse on Twilight Town. He is a mischievous prankster with the ability to shapeshift into anyone he so desires, an ability that is magnified as long as no one knows his real name._

"That _is_ your real name, right, _Doopliss_?" Vivian taunted.

"NO! STOP IT!" screamed the imposter now known as Doopliss.

Vivian didn't stop there. She kept taunting him, chanting: "Doopliss! Doopliss! Doopliss! Doopliss!"

"NOOOOOO!" Edd/Doopliss screamed. The room began spinning for him as he gripped his head, screaming all the way: "NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY-HOW-HOW-HOW-HOW-HOW-HOW?"

"Like I said, you've got a really chatty birdie," Vivian reiterated smugly.

She then sidled over to Edd/Doopliss and delivered a punch. The imposter was too far in shock to respond, and he fell to the floor, dropping the Ruby Crystal Star in the process. Almost immediately, both he and Edd were enveloped in the same blue light from before. When the light faded, Edd found himself back in his own body, no longer a silhouette; while the true form of Doopliss was revealed: the "freak-in-a-sheet" under whom Kevin had briefly served. Everyone (with the exception of Edd, Eduardo, and Vivian) stared slack-jawed and dumbfounded, while Edd breathed a sigh of relief, grateful to finally have his name and body back.

"No!" screamed Doopliss in despair.

"What the heck?!" Nazz found her voice first.

"What's happening?!" Jimmy shouted.

"Sacre-bleu!" Flurrie exclaimed.

"We've just been shellwinked!" Koops exclaimed.

"YOU HAD THE NERVE TO FLEECE _ME_?" Eddy screamed at Doopliss.

"You're a bigger fake than Dorky! And that's sayin' something, dork-in-a-sheet!" Kevin growled.

"Man, I should've known Double-D would _never_ behave like that," Goombella lamented.

Edd climbed to his feet and scooped up Eduardo in his arm, receiving a hug from the little Yoshi in the process, before facing Doopliss. "Now that you've been exposed, I think it would be unwise to fight when the odds are one-on-twelve."

"Gaah! I won't forget this!" Doopliss wailed. "Fun-sucking killjoys!"

The Duplighost dashed out of the room, wailing like Jimmy after being scammed out of his last quarter while already having a bad day.

"Mamma-mia, Double-D, I can't-a believe we didn't-a realize the truth sooner," Mario told Edd apologetically, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "It's a good thing you thought to instant-a message-a me. We owe you an apology."

"Man, it's good to have the real you back, Sockhead," Eddy said. "By the way, what the heck did you mean, one-on-twelve?"

It was then that the group remembered that Vivian, who remained by Edd's side, was still in the room.

"Hey, I remember you! You're Vivian, of the Shadow Sirens!" Goombella spat at her. "Y'know, those witches that gave us problems at Boggly Woods! Why don't you just make like ice and melt?"

"Son of a gun! The Goomba-girl speaks the truth!" Rolf exclaimed angrily. "Hear Rolf's words, witch-girl! Rolf shall NEVER forgive you for your attempted siege of the home of the Punies!" Rolf charged forward, but Koops and Mario restrained him. "Return to the inky shadows where you belong lest Rolf subject you to a 3-shoe beating!"

The sensitive Shadow Siren looked up at Edd, tears in her eyes; Edd couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Are we just about done?!" he pleaded. "Do you hear yourselves?! Never have I heard such deplorable words! Vivian here came to my aid when I had no one else! Why, if not for her assistance, you would never have known that you were with an imposter who would have turned on you at any moment. I owe her my life."

Vivian gasped as she heard her former enemy defending her to his friends, while Edd gave her a sincere smile.

"But Nazz and Rolf told me about her while we were catchin' up!" Kevin fired back. "That girl's evil! C'mon, Double-Dweeb, even a dork like you can't be serious about her!"

"Evil? Quite the opposite, Kevin! She's nowhere near evil! In fact, she's one of the kindest souls I've come to know!" Edd responded. "Whatever life of evil she's lived up to this point was forced on her by her cruel sisters, Beldam and Marilyn. No one deserves such unjustified malicious abuse."

"…You're right, Double-D," Koops piped up.

"Very well, then," Mario added. "If you trust her, Double-D, then so do we."

Edd's friends gradually agreed and nodded in affirmation, except for Rolf, who remained angry.

"Tread carefully with this one, head-and-sock Ed-boy," Rolf warned him. "Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."

Finally, Jimmy spoke. "She seems nice, Double-D. You treat her with the kindness that Sarah treats me with." As he said this, he took note of the cast on the Siren's left arm and the bandage on her right arm.

Vivian finally managed a timid smile. She knew how hard it must have been for Edd to stand up to his own friends in her defense, but it seemed like some, if not all, of them were coming around.

"…Thank you for sticking up for me, Double-D," she said, looking up at him. "I'm sorry about earlier… I don't deserve to be treated with such kindness."

"Yes, you do, Vivian. By all means, yes, you do," Edd reassured her, smiling.

"Yeah, Viv," Eduardo piped up. "Thanks to you, my dad here got through this, no sweat."

Vivian raised an eyebrow at the notion of Edd being a parent at his young age, let alone to a Yoshi child, but she gave him a smile, too.

"You're welcome," Vivian replied. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Eduardo!" replied the little Yoshi. "Well, technically, Eduardo Junior. I was named after my dad here."

"He, ahem, inherited my Glitz Pit moniker," Edd explained, setting Eduardo onto the ground gently.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Eduardo Junior," Vivian told him. "By the way…"

The Siren picked up the Ruby Crystal Star that Doopliss had left behind in his hasty escape. "This is what you came here for, right? Seems that Doopliss dropped it on his way out."

"Yes, that's correct," Edd explained.

Vivian held the Star toward Edd. "Here, take it. It's yours now."

Edd gently took the Star from Vivian's hands and held it aloft. The Star emitted a bright flash and levitated, whirling around the heroes and bathing them in its light, endowing them with the Art Attack special move before coming to rest in Edd's hands. Now with four Crystal Stars out of seven in their possession, the ever-growing band of heroes was eager to leave the perpetual dusk of Twilight Town behind and return to the daylight of Rogueport to continue their journey. This, of course, as usual, still left the question of the whereabouts and welfare of Princess Peach and the Kanker Sisters.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Vivian is so very late!" Beldam growled. She and Marilyn were still in Twilight Town, anxiously awaiting their sister's return with the Superbombomb, and Beldam's patience was wearing thin. "Where is that inferior dumbbell? If she's not here in the next minute, I will punish her so hard she will wish she was dead!"

Marilyn just grunted stupidly. "Guuuhhh…"

The two Shadow Sirens were taken by surprise when Doopliss brushed past them, grumbling and crying all the way. They heard him grumble: "Stupid jerks … All I wanted to do was have some fun, is that so wrong?"

Beldam raised an eyebrow, but sneered just as quickly. It seemed an opportunity had presented itself.

"You! Freak-in-the-sheet!" she called.

Doopliss jumped in surprise and saw who addressed him. "What?" he spat.

"Come here," she told him. As ordered, he approached Beldam, who asked him, "Did you say you were having problems with some people?"

"Yeah," he complained. "I stole one kid's name and body, but his shadow ruined it and stole it back!"

"Which jerk?" she asked.

"The kid with the black ski hat on his head," he responded. "The one called 'Double-D.'"

Beldam recoiled in surprise, as she seemed to know immediately who he was referring to.

"And his stupid friend, the girl with pink hair who shoots fire, just like he does," Doopliss continued.

"What?!" Beldam growled angrily. "Marilyn! Are you hearing this?"

Marilyn grunted stupidly in response, forcing Beldam to continue: "Keep up, you lump! It would seem our dear sister Vivian has gone rogue and joined up with our enemy."

"That girl was your sister?" Doopliss asked.

"Did you say that this Double-D now possesses the same fire magic that she does?" Beldam asked.

"Y-yeah, why?" Doopliss replied.

Beldam scratched her chin at this revelation. "Hmmm… could he truly be the legendary hero we seek…?"

"Legendary hero?" Doopliss inquired.

Beldam grinned evilly at Doopliss, the window of opportunity now wide open…

 **End of Chapter Four**


	37. 4-7: Quiz and a Jailbreak!

**Fourth Intermission**

 **Part 1: Quiz and a Jailbreak!**

"Are you certain? Speak up, Molucci!" Grodus demanded.

The X-Naut Molucci met with Grodus in his chamber back in the undisclosed X-Naut facility, and had just relayed some surprising news.

"I'm quite sure, sir," Molucci replied. "I've pored over all of our research pertaining to the Thousand-Year Door, and Beldam's words ring true – the sealing power on the door has been weakening."

Grodus chuckled menacingly. "Finally, the treasure of legend… the ancient power of darkness shall soon be ours. Listen well, Molucci. The search for both the Crystal Stars and the legendary hero remain top priority. Of course, that also includes the elimination of said hero and his allies, including that Mario, the meddling scum who holds the map."

"Yes, sir!" Molucci answered.

The X-Naut soldier saluted Grodus with the "X" pose before exiting the room, leaving Grodus by himself.

"Soon," growled the dome-headed X-Naut leader. "I shall possess the power that has slept for a millennium… And when the dawn of this glorious day arrives, I will throw the world into the depths of pain and despair! None can stop me now. With this power at my command, all will kneel before the regime of the X-Nauts! Then I, the exalted Grodus, shall build a new world order… In a new, perfect, ideal world… Yes. A world made _by_ me, _about_ me, and most importantly, _for_ me!"

Grodus cackled maniacally as the mere thought of total world conquest raced through his cortex.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Needless to say, the atmosphere was rather tense inside the holding room. Lee was upset that Eddy deleted her e-mail and refused to respond, and she nastily shut down her sisters' attempts to placate her. May was depressed without any word about Ed and bored out of her mind since there wasn't much to do in the room; while Marie's patience with Lee was wearing very thin. Princess Peach decided to make an attempt of her own to talk to Lee, and she sat down on the bed near the red-haired Kanker sister, who refused to turn and face her.

"Lee?" she said gently.

"Stuff it, Peachie," Lee fired back rudely through gritted teeth.

"What's wrong, if I may ask?" Peach asked.

"Hmph," Lee huffed, continuing to face away from the kind princess.

"Lee's all mad 'cuz her man deleted her message and didn't reply," May explained.

"Shut up, May," Lee shot back tersely.

"You shut up, Lee!" May fired back.

Marie and Peach just sighed as Lee and May continued fighting.

"Is this really what it's gonna be like the rest of the time we're here?" inquired the blue-haired Kanker sister.

"I agree, Marie," Peach replied. "At this point, I would much rather be dealing with TEC right now."

"You kiddin' me? After what that stupid computer said 'bout takin' over the world?" Marie countered.

"It's either that or we endure this day-in and day-out quarreling, running the risk of getting caught up in it ourselves," Peach noted.

"Hmph, good point," Marie grumbled.

Right then and there, as if on cue, the door to the room slid open, signaling that TEC was calling them in.

Peach was the first one to note this: "Oh, my, it seems TEC has summoned us once more."

Marie sighed. "Ugh, might as well go see what HE wants."

"Just as well. I have words I need to say to him," Peach said. She started forward, followed by Marie and Lee. May, however, remained where she was.

"Wait!" Marie called, noticing this. "May! Ya comin' or what?"

"Yeah, yeah, just gimme a minute," May called back, waving her hand.

"Eh, whatever," was Lee's response before leaving. Marie took a final glance at May before leaving as well.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"What do you need this time, TEC?" Peach demanded. "Will it be dancing, perhaps? Will any of us be in disguise again? Or do you want us to sing a song?"

"Why should we help you when you're tryin' to take over the world, you jerk?" Marie spat at the machine.

"Please, ladies, I must ask you to calm yourselves," TEC began. "Why is May Kanker not with you?"

"She's still in the room, sulkin'," Lee noted.

"Yeah, she ain't been herself since her man's gone missin'," Marie added.

"Please retrieve her, if you would," TEC said. "She plays a vital role in what I am about to say."

"Yeah, yeah, quit shortin' out yer wires," Marie grumbled.

Once Marie left the room to fetch May, Peach and the remaining Kankers turned their attention back to the machine.

"So TEC, you were saying?" Peach asked again.

"I… I am conflicted," TEC began.

"You bet you're conflicted," Lee retorted. "You're helpin these X-knobs take over the world!"

"That's X- _Nauts_ , Lee Kanker, not X-knobs," TEC corrected her.

At that moment, Marie rushed back in the room, panting and in a panic. "She's gone!"

"What?!" Lee yelled. "Whaddya mean she's gone?"

"I mean, she ain't in the room!" Marie replied.

"Oh, my! Your sister May has escaped?" Peach gasped.

"I am presently unable to locate May Kanker, as well. However, I can confirm that she is not in the room or in the adjoining hallway," TEC added. "No good can come from this, that much I can compute."

XXX000XXX000XXX

May, as it turned out, had discreetly boarded the elevator and subsequently emerged in a higher floor of the strange X-Naut headquarters. She ran like crazy through the maze of steel, desperately trying to find any exits.

"I ain't wastin' another second here! I gotta find my pookie-bear!" she half-whispered to herself.

So far, to her surprise, she hadn't yet been detected by a single X-Naut soldier, despite their presence in the halls. A single tear streamed down the right side of her face as she ran. She stole a quick glance back toward the direction of the elevator that led back down to TEC's level, where her sisters and Princess Peach were.

"I'm sorry, Lee, Marie… I know I'm leavin' ya, but I can't waste another second knowin' my Big Ed's still missin'. I'm gettin' outta here and findin' him!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"So what do we do now?" Lee asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We cannot do anything, Lee Kanker," TEC replied. "We cannot risk being exposed ourselves amid any attempt to locate your sister. It seems there is no other option but to proceed without her."

"No way! She's our sister!" Lee protested angrily. "We ain't doin' nuttin' without her."

"There is no other option, Lee Kanker," TEC reiterated.

Lee and Marie huffed and folded their arms, but no one said anything else. They didn't like it, and couldn't really accept it, but TEC was right.

"So, TEC… you were saying that you're conflicted?" Peach mentioned.

"Yes, Princess Peach," TEC replied. "I must inquire… Which is more important? Carrying out a direct order from the master or protecting a critical person? This just does not compute. I exist for the purpose of one certain being, but I wish to exist for the purpose of another… I truly do not know my course of action."

"Meaning what, exactly?" Peach asked.

"Ya sayin' ya hafta take over the world, but ya don't wanna?" Lee demanded.

"…No, never mind. Please forget my musings," TEC moaned. "I cannot comprehend the reasons, but I feel most unpleasant if I make you worry. In any case…" The machine emitted a series of beeps, as if it were processing information, before finally 'speaking' again. "Let's have a quiz."

"A quiz?" Peach asked.

"Aw, c'mon, we don't need a stupid quiz!" Marie complained.

"Yeah, why d'ya think we ditch school?" Lee agreed. "Yo, Marie! When's the last time we took a stupid quiz?"

"How the heck should I know? Figure it out!" Marie spat at her sister. "Besides, if the quiz is about this world, then Peach here should be the one to take it."

"Very well then, I accept this task," Peach mused.

"Excellent. Please answer the questions that I am about to ask," TEC said. "If you answer five questions correctly, you may use the communicator, as usual."

"Great," Marie mused. "Oven Mitt's probably goin' crazy right now 'cuz he ain't heard from me in a while."

"First question," TEC said, ignoring Marie. "When all seven Crystal Stars are collected, what happens?"

The three choices that popped up read as follows: _Your wish is granted_. _Thousand_ - _Year Door opens_. _One_ _thousand coins appear_.

"Ooh! Wish upon a star, right, Marie?" Lee laughed. "Grants wishes!"

"No way! They make you rich! One thousand coins!" Marie chuckled.

"Now, now, ladies," Peach admonished. "Of these three selections, perhaps it's best to answer with the one that is least obvious. I'm going to say… that the Crystal Stars open the Thousand-Year Door."

"That is correct, Princess Peach," TEC congratulated. "Next question: What is the goal of Sir Grodus, leader of the X-Nauts?"

"To take over the world," Peach, Lee, and Marie all said at once before TEC could present the three options.

"You've reminded us multiple times now, TEC," Peach pointed out.

"That is correct," TEC said. "And also, point taken. Third question: What is the legendary treasure that rests behind the Thousand-Year Door?"

Peach gasped in shock, while Lee and Marie stared with eyes wide as saucers as the three possible answers appeared on the monitor: _100_ , _000_ , _000 coins_. _An extremely rare badge_. _A 1_ , _000_ - _year_ - _old demon_ ' _s soul_.

"Hey Marie, didn't your man mention somethin' about this thousand-year treasure thing?" Lee asked Marie.

"He might've in one of his e-mails," Marie replied.

"TEC…" Peach gasped. "Is this…?"

"Please answer the question, Princess," TEC reminded her.

"It's gotta be the coins," Lee chuckled. "I bet Eddy would love to get his hands on that."

"Haha, he totally would," Marie laughed.

Lee's laugh turned into a dim and haughty scowl as she remembered how rude Eddy had been in deleting her e-mail without replying.

 _Oh_ , _my_ , _a thousand_ - _year_ - _old_ _demon_ ' _s soul_? Peach wondered fearfully to herself as she pondered the three options. _I do hope that_ ' _s not the correct answer_. _How truly frightening it would be if that were the case_. _Since it_ ' _s not the most obvious_ , _I_ ' _ll select that as my answer and hope it_ ' _s incorrect. That way_ , _if I_ ' _m wrong_ , _I can breathe a sigh of relief_.

"Um… the thousand-year-old demon's soul," Peach said nervously.

"That is correct," came TEC's reply, horrifying Peach.

"What?!" she gasped in sheer horror.

"A thousand-year-old demon?" Lee inquired. "Aw, man, I was hopin' it'd be the coins."

"This is no laughing matter, Lee," Peach chided her.

"So wait – the so-called 'treasure' _isn_ ' _t even a treasure at all_?" Marie inquired.

"That is correct," TEC affirmed.

"Man, Double-Dreamy's gonna freak when he hears this!" Marie noted.

"Fourth question," TEC spoke up. "What does Sir Grodus plan to do with this ancient demon's soul?"

The choices this time read: _Cherish it always_. _Bring it back to life_. _Become its best friend_.

This time, Peach held up a hand to silence Lee and Marie before they could get in their zingers.

"This time the obvious answer is correct," the princess stated. "He wishes to resurrect this ancient force."

"Correct," TEC affirmed. "Now, the fifth and final question: What is required to seal this demon in slumber once more?"

The choices appeared as follows: _A legendary sword_. _A magic spell_. _The Crystal Stars_.

"Legendary sword? You mean like Excalibur?" Marie chimed in.

"Now let's see… if the Crystal Stars are responsible for breaking the seal on the Thousand-Year Door," Peach pondered, "then they must also be responsible for restoring it. So I would have to say… the Crystal Stars."

"That is correct," TEC congratulated.

XXX000XXX000XXX

May continued running through the hallways, believing herself to be hopelessly lost but no less determined to make her escape and reunite with Ed.

"They ain't gonna get me," she told herself as she ran.

As she kept running, her determination turned to frustration as she found herself running in circles.

"Aw, c'mon, where's the stupid exit?!" she griped loudly in exasperation.

"Right here, girlie, now come quietly," replied a rather menacing voice.

May turned in the direction of the voice and saw the X-Naut Drucker approaching her.

"No way!" she yelled. She charged toward Drucker, hoping the size advantage she had over him would make it simple to take him down.

"Ah-ah-ah-ah," Drucker taunted, whipping out his laser gun.

May instantly froze. She was taller than this soldier, but he had a weapon, which tilted the scale in his favor.

"Good girl," Drucker said menacingly. "Now, come with me. Quietly."

 _Dang it_! _I can_ ' _t believe he got me_ , May thought to herself as Drucker advanced toward her. _But maybe_ … _wait_ , _I_ ' _m a Kanker, so_...

With a shout of "Hi-yah!", May kicked Drucker backwards. The soldier fired his gun despite the surprise attack, but he missed May entirely, instead accidentally taking out a light on the wall. Amid the confusion, May snatched the weapon from Drucker and dashed away as fast as she could.

"This is Drucker speaking!" he called into his radio. "Code Red! We got a security breach in Sector Two! I repeat – Code Red! Security breach in Sector Two!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Sirens blared all around the fortress, with their corresponding warning lights blinking red all around.

"Oh! What's that noise?!" Peach yelled, covering her ears.

"Shoot! They found us!" Lee shouted. She and Marie readied themselves for a fight as the rather-pacifistic Peach ducked behind them.

"Negative," TEC stated. "My sensors have detected a breach in Sector Two."

"Lee! Maybe it's May!" Marie noted.

TEC switched on his CCTV monitors that received the live footage recorded by the fortress's security cameras. On one of TEC's smaller screens, the ladies watched May dashing through the hallways of what had been identified as Sector Two.

"You're right, Marie! She's makin' a break for it!" Lee exclaimed. "GO, MAY, GO!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

The X-Naut Rodolfo had joined Drucker – who had regained his composure – in hunting May through Sector Two while the blond Kanker sister continued her escape attempt.

"You'll never escape us!" Rodolfo shouted after her.

"Oh yeah? Watch me!" May fired back.

She immediately regretted this as she came face to face with Traynor, Jeffries, Farron, Xavier, and Rawlings, who blocked the end of the hallway ahead of her. She turned around, only to find Drucker behind her, accompanied by Rodolfo. All of the X-Nauts save for Drucker had their own laser guns aimed at her. May raised Drucker's gun in an attempt at self-defense, but it was to no avail. They continued to advance on her until she was cornered against a nearby door. She tried to open it, but it was sealed up, indicated by the red light above it.

"Don't even think about it, girlie," Traynor warned her. "You fire, we fire. It's all of us against one girl."

"Drop the gun, girlie, and kick it to me," Drucker demanded.

Cornered, May had no other option but to do as told. She dropped the gun on the floor and kicked it toward Drucker, who reclaimed it instantly and pointed it at her.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"C'mon, May, get outta there!" Marie shouted nervously. "You got this! You're a Kanker!"

As Lee and Marie watched the CCTV footage, Peach's eyes were drawn to another monitor to TEC's lower left. From the text and coding being rapidly displayed on it, TEC appeared to be discreetly executing a series of commands.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Without warning, the door behind May opened, and she fell backwards into the room. Inside this room was a large machine that looked like a transport device from those science-fiction movies. May looked up as Drucker and the others continued to advance on her, their guns pointing right at her.

"Last warning, girlie," Drucker threatened. "Come quietly or we fire at will."

The large machine behind May suddenly activated, lighting up and emitting whirring and beeping noises. A beam of light spanned the top and bottom of the cylindrical pod.

"What the-?" Jeffries gasped. "Why is the transporter active?"

May's eyes lit up as she glanced at the machine. While she certainly wasn't the smartest of her sisters, let alone the smartest one at Park 'N Flush, she knew what a transporter was – no one knew this, especially her sisters, but she secretly shared Ed's love of science fiction and horror media.

"You idiot!" Xavier demanded. "Seize her!"

"Dream on, suckers!" May taunted.

Drucker charged forward, but May managed to kick him away. Upon impact, Drucker dropped his laser gun, allowing the blond-haired Kanker sister to reclaim the weapon. Upon doing so, she ran to the transporter and, with a flash of light, disappeared instantly. As soon as she was gone, TEC executed a command that powered down the transporter, leaving the X-Nauts befuddled.

"So, um… who wants to be the one to inform Sir Grodus?" Rawlings inquired.

"No way, man," Traynor replied. "Sir Grodus already took away my vacation time after our failed raid in the Great Boggly Tree. Now I can't even go to Isle Delfino with my wife."

"I didn't know you were married," Jeffries told Traynor.

"Don't give me that, Jeffries. I sent you an RSVP but you turned it down," Traynor retorted. "Man, and I'd already booked the flight to the island, too…"

"Focus!" Drucker snapped. "That blonde girl escaped! We must inform Grodus immediately!"

"Right, right," Rawlings replied. "Drucker, Rodolfo, we'll leave that to you."

"What?!" Drucker spat.

"The rest of you, you're with me," Rawlings ordered. "With the blonde girl gone, we need to make sure our remaining prisoners haven't followed her example."

"Right!" affirmed the other X-Nauts. Rawlings, Xavier, Farron, Traynor, and Jeffries marched away, leaving Drucker and Rodolfo by themselves.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Hey! Where'd May go?" Lee asked.

"I think she managed to escape," Peach replied hopefully.

"Now, you may use my communicator, as promised," TEC told the remaining ladies. "But make haste. The X-Nauts will be down here to make sure you three can't follow May Kanker's example."

"Well, hey, if May did it, we can do it too," Marie shot back.

"That is inadvisable, Marie Kanker," TEC told her. "It's recommended that you do not press your luck. Sir Grodus will most surely be raising the security level after this."

"In any case, I must inform Mario," Peach stated. She quickly crossed the keyboard and typed out her message to Mario.

"Hurry it up so we can send our e-mails, too," Lee demanded as Peach typed on the keyboard.

"What if Eddy doesn't read yours again?" Marie said.

"Oh, he'll read it all right," Lee fired back. She typed out her message to Eddy, and Marie then typed out her own message to Edd before pressing SEND. The mailbox icons reappeared, blinking from left to right again.

"The messages have been sent," TEC stated. "Now, make haste and return to the room before you're caught."

The ladies immediately complied, though the Kankers now held worry in their hearts over the whereabouts of their sister, May.

"Good night, Princess Peach." TEC darkened the room and once again entered sleep mode.

 **End of Part One**


	38. 4-8: Millennium Door (5th Visit)

**Fourth Intermission**

 **Part 2: Millennium Door (5th Visit)**

Mayor Dour was surprisingly anything but dour when Edd and his friends, now including Vivian and Kevin, explained the truth of the situation to him in Twilight Town's main plaza, just outside of his residence.

"I still can't believe that the Eddward who returned from the steeple the first time was a phony… We were all fooled," he lamented. "On behalf of Twilight Town, after all you've done for us, all we can do is offer our humblest apologies. I do hope we didn't hurt your feelings."

"Well, at the very least, that facsimile and his crimes were exposed; he relinquished the Ruby Crystal Star to us, and no one shall be, erm, transformed into swine anymore," Edd replied, managing a sincere smile.

"Thanks to you all, a bright ray of light shall shine on our dim little town," Mayor Dour explained. "Metaphorically speaking, of course. Twilight Town extends its most sincere thanks to you lot!"

"Yeah, thanks, everyone," Freddy added, in a less monotone voice. "I was sick and tired of squealing and rolling around in slop, and that was only after five minutes of quite literally being a pig."

"About that. How does Wilfred do it every day, Rolf?" Jimmy inquired, with regards to a pig's lifestyle.

"Ask no questions of the subject, Boy Jimmy," Rolf immediately replied.

"So, um… Double-D? Where do we go with that Crystal Star?" Vivian inquired.

"To the chamber beneath Rogueport where the Thousand-Year Door resides," Edd replied.

Vivian gulped nervously at this. "Th-Thousand-Year Door?"

"Is something the matter, Vivian?" Edd inquired.

"Oh, um… sorry, it-it's nothing," Vivian replied timidly.

"Ah yes, and on behalf of all of us here, I wish you all nothing but the best," Mayor Dour told them. "Until we meet again!"

"Indeed, farewell, Twilight Town!" Edd exclaimed.

The band of heroes exchanged goodbyes with the grateful, if not monotonous, citizenry of Twilight Town before making their way back to the strange pipe leading to Rogueport Sewers, with everyone (especially Jimmy) all too eager to leave the perpetual dusk behind and return to actual daylight. Before anyone could climb atop the pipe, the collective sounds of the chiptune _Super Mario World_ title music and the main theme of _Ed_ , _Edd n Eddy_ simultaneously emitted from Mario's Mailbox SP and Edd's laptop, respectively, signaling another e-mail alert. Mario and Edd opened their respective devices to check these new messages, and Edd discovered that in addition to a message from Marie, there was another one addressed to Eddy from Lee. Mario read his message first, from Princess Peach:

"My dear Mario, I've finally learned what the treasure is behind the Thousand-Year Door. To my horror, we've discovered that the treasure is actually the spirit of a thousand-year-old demon!"

This elicited a collective series of gasps from the band of heroes.

"D-d-d-demon?!" Jimmy quavered, scared.

"A demon?" Edd inquired.

"A… a demon?" Vivian asked nervously.

"Mamma-mia!" Mario gasped. He kept reading:

"These X-Nauts are planning to resurrect this millennium-old wraith and use its power to rule the world! It's to this end that they are hunting the Crystal Stars so they can open the Thousand-Year Door. Also, ironically, it's only the Crystal Stars themselves that can keep it locked away! No matter what, you must not let these foul X-Nauts get the Crystal Stars! Please, Mario… whether you or one of your friends is the legendary hero they keep referring to, no matter what, you must put a stop to their horrible plans! I will contact you again when I can. – Princess Peach."

"So wait- there's no cash behind that door?" Eddy groaned. "What a rip!"

"Eddy, focus!" Edd interrupted. "Mario? Could this be true?"

"I don't-a know," Mario replied. "But I trust-a Princess-a Peach."

"So what did Kanker tell ya this time, Sockhead?" Eddy asked haughtily.

"Ah, yes," Edd replied. He opened Marie Kanker's message to him and read out loud:

"Yo, Oven Mitt! You still missin' me down there, dreamy? Anyway, things are gettin' pretty crazy here. First off, the so-called 'treasure' behind the door is the soul of an old demon. But that's not even the biggest news from me! Get this – May busted out!"

"Oh, my! May's escaped her ensconcement!" Edd gasped.

"Eep!" Jimmy squeaked. He remembered well his encounters with the Kanker Sisters, especially the time they tried to force him to eat a worm as well as their superstorm-like rampage through the cul-de-sac.

Edd kept reading: "I still don't know how she got out, but she might be where you are, so keep an eye out. Just make sure she don't try to steal ya from me! Anyways, since May busted out, I think these X-feebs're gonna step up their game, so watch yourself, Dreamboat. Don't want that handsome face to get all messed up for me to kiss. On a more serious note, please, please, please stay alive. No tellin' what these feebs'll do. Miss ya, Oven Mitt! – Marie Kanker."

"How'd she get out, Double-D? Do you know?" Jimmy asked nervously.

"I don't know, Jimmy, but we should keep an eye out for her," Edd reminded him.

"Yeah, can we head back to Rogueport before we go to the door?" Nazz asked. "I really want to see the sun shining again."

"That's not a bad idea, Nazz," Edd concurred. "We'll rest for a short while in Rogueport before we return to the door."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Man, it feels good to see the sun shining again," Nazz remarked.

The band of heroes met up in Rogueport Square after a short rest and a snack at Podley's. Each of them was elated to feel the brightness and warmth of the sun upon them again – though Vivian had a mixed aura of unease and relief.

"Yeah, even I gotta admit, that perpetual darkness thing was takin' a toll on me," Kevin mused. "So, Nazz, where is it you said you and Double-D washed up?"

"Over by the harbor," Nazz replied. "That's where we met Mario, Goombella, and those X-Naut jerks."

"Our sailboat – or rather, what remains of it – is still docked ashore, as well," Edd noted.

"Whoa, really? That little old thing held up in the storm?" Kevin asked incredulously.

"Surprisingly yes, Kevin," Edd replied as he led the heroes back to the pipe outside Frankly's house.

"I was asking Nazz, but yeah, okay," Kevin snarked.

"So what now, Sockhead?" Eddy groaned impatiently.

"We return to the Thousand-Year Door with the Ruby Star to reveal the location of the next Star," Edd replied. "Shall we?"

XXX000XXX000XXX

It didn't take long for the heroes to return to the hall of the Thousand-Year Door. Vivian gasped in horror and nervousness at the sight of the door, while Kevin folded his arms and approached the door slowly, looking up and down at its design.

"So this is that Thousand-Year Door thing you were talkin' about?" he asked.

"The one and only, Kev," Nazz replied.

"Hmph," Kevin scoffed in reply. "Looks kinda moldy. Like the gravy-brained dork."

"Hey! Shovelchin! Only I'm allowed to talk about Ed like that!" Eddy growled angrily.

"And what're _you_ gonna do about it, Dorky?" Kevin taunted.

Eddy balled his hands into fists, gearing up to punch Kevin for taunting his lost friend. "Why, you little-!"

"Eddy, please! Control yourself!" Edd chided, trying to quell the tension. "I miss Ed as much as you do, but the last thing we need is more drama and senseless barbarism among the ranks."

Eddy and Kevin turned and walked away from each other, grumbling. Edd pulled out the Ruby Crystal Star from his backpack and offered it to Vivian.

"Vivian, would you care to do the honors?" he asked.

"N-No!" she yelled abruptly. She began breathing heavily and quickly, as if she were having a panic attack.

"What?" Edd asked worriedly, eliciting a glare from Rolf.

"I-I mean… it-it's better if… if you do it," she quavered.

"Um… v-very well, then, if you insist," Edd replied uneasily. "Mario, join me, if you'll please."

Edd and Mario approached the center of the podium as the other heroes gathered around them. Simultaneously, Edd held up the Ruby Star and Mario held up the map. The same light show appeared again, illuminating the same ancient designs, enough to make even Kevin marvel at the sight, while Vivian recoiled. When the ritual finished, Mario's map revealed a new location with a blue flash.

"Hmm…" Edd mused, examining the map with his magnifying glass alongside Mario. "It seems the next Crystal Star is located on a deserted island far out to sea."

"Mamma-mia, that-a means we'd-a need a boat of-a some kind-a to get there," Mario added.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Eddy grumbled sarcastically.

"But what is that location?" Edd inquired.

"Uh, 'Deserted Island,' Sockhead?" Eddy quipped.

"Let's ask Professor Frankly, as usual," Goombella suggested.

"Good call, Goombella," Edd concurred.

He then chanced a glance at Vivian, who appeared quite fearful still, as if an omen of foreboding was in the air; and then at Rolf, whose glare never faltered.

 _If only I knew what troubled her so about this door_ , he thought to himself. _In addition_ , _why does Rolf continue to despise her so_?

XXX000XXX000XXX

"WH-WH- **WHAAAAAAAT**?!"

This was the reaction of Professor Frankly when Edd told him what he had heard, especially about the demon that apparently rested behind the Thousand-Year Door.

"That's what Princess Peach wrote in her e-mail?" Frankly continued, flabbergasted. "The legendary treasure is really the soul of an ancient demon, and those fiends aim to utilize the power of the Crystal Stars to bring it back to life?"

"I'm afraid that is, in fact, what we've learned, Professor Frankly," Edd replied.

"Bone-chilling, this is," Frankly shuddered. "However, most unfortunately, this information _does_ seem to be consistent with what I've uncovered…"

"Well, c'mon, Prof, give it up!" piped up Eduardo Jr. "What'd ya find out?"

"Yeah, make like a canary and sing!" Eddy grumbled.

"Impatient, I see," Frankly mused. "Well, this is rather long, so you'd best listen well…"

Frankly cleared his throat and took a deep breath before continuing:

"The great cataclysm that I read about in the book may very well refer to this demon… The legends state that a terrifying monster of shadow wrought havoc and destruction on a large city that once stood on this very area, where Rogueport now sits. It goes on to tell that the seven Crystal Stars, ironically enough, were actually _created_ by this ancient evil..."

Jimmy let out an "Eep!" as he shivered with terror, a sentiment somewhat shared by Vivian.

"Ahem, AND that this demon used the power of the Crystal Stars to seize control over the entire world!" Frankly continued.

"Mamma-mia!" Mario gasped.

"Oh, my!" Edd gasped.

"That's messed up, man," Kevin groaned.

"According to this book, in the end, this demon was defeated and sealed away by four heroes," Frankly went on. "Unfortunately, only the beast's physical form was eradicated… Its dark spirit lingered. As a last resort, the heroes utilized the Crystal Stars they had stolen from the demon, and with their power, they cast the evil beast into the depths of a vast labyrinth, and sealed the exit."

Frankly paused as he studied the looks of awe and terror (and in Kevin's case, slight cynicism) on their faces.

"From this text, I gather that the Crystal Stars cannot differentiate between that which is good and that which is evil," he told them. "So once all seven are reunited, they could either seal away the demon, or they could resurrect the demon."

"From your description, this is essentially like Schrödinger's Cat," Edd observed. "Put simply, we ourselves will not know the true purpose of the Crystal Stars until we've gathered all seven."

"Precisely," Frankly concurred. "Whether the Crystal Stars are used for good or for evil depends on the hearts of those who wield their power."

"Yeah, like, based on that, couldn't it also be possible that we _shouldn_ ' _t_ be gathering the Crystal Stars?" inquired Nazz. "Even if we did find all of them, someone like the X-Nauts could just up and snatch 'em all to bring back this demon!"

Almost immediately, everyone who knew Eddy all too well shot him a nasty glare.

"What?!" he griped. "Hey, I ain't interested in bringin' back a demon! That's more up Burr-head's alley, anyway, with that stupid Evil Tim thing."

"I still have bad dreams about that," Jimmy quavered. "Sarah had to buy me a new Mr. Yum Yum."

"Aunt Nazz might have a point," Eduardo piped up. "If what you're sayin' is true beans, Prof, then maybe we should just stomp the heck out of 'em and throw the pieces in the garbage!"

"That was my first thought, too, young Yoshi, believe me. Further research, however, suggests that cannot be done," Frankly observed. "Admittedly, rather hasty thinking, that was. The possibility is slim but likely that the seal on the Thousand-Year Door is weakening."

"Weakening? How?" Goombella inquired.

"Well, Goombella, the Crystal Stars possess the power to seal away the beast, but for a millennium," Frankly replied. "Once a thousand years pass, the power that keeps the door sealed shut tight will fail. Unfortunately, this very year may well be that thousandth year. Hmph, talk about bad luck, huh?"

Almost everyone recoiled at this revelation. Eddy, however, complained, "Bad luck's always our luck, huh, Sockhead?"

"Focus, Eddy!" Edd fired back. "Please continue, Professor."

"So the fact that these X-Naut goons now want the Stars may be coincidence… then again, perhaps not," Frankly went on. "Even if the X-Nauts fail in their ultimate goal, we must nevertheless be prepared for the ancient demon's return."

"Well, what're we waitin' for?" Eduardo called. "Let's go get those Stars before those X-knobs do!"

"Indeed," Edd stated. "Mario, if you'll please produce the map?"

Mario immediately produced the Magical Map so that Frankly could decipher the location of the next Crystal Star. The Goomba professor immediately produced his glasses and took note of the far-off island that had been revealed on the ancient map.

"Well, according to this map… it is located on a jungle island out to sea, known to be the basis of many vicious rumors. Vengeful spirits full of hatred, evil curses, the usual stuff," Frankly told them. "The sea salts down by the harbor might know more than I do; perhaps you would have better luck asking them."

"Yeah, yeah, what's that place called?" Kevin complained.

"The known stronghold of pirates, the graveyard of ships," Frankly responded. "Keelhaul Key!"

"Hm?!" Jimmy perked up with realization. "Keelhaul Key? I've heard about that place!"

Everyone looked at Jimmy expectantly and quizzically.

"Is this true, one-is-a-lonely-number Jimmy?" Rolf inquired. "Speak to Rolf. Where has the pale one learned of this Keelhaul Key?

"It was a while ago, the night before we left for Glitzville," Jimmy began…

 **FLASHBACK**

"Wowie, this… this is a rather interesting gem," Jimmy said, now looking at the gem through a specialized lens commonly used by jewelers to determine the value and authenticity of high-class jewelry. "Is this… _skull_ made of real ruby?"

"Abso-tootch-ly! Flavio thanks you for the compliment," Flavio responded pompously.

"How many karats?" asked Jimmy.

"Search me, kid. This is a priceless heirloom passed down through my family for generations," replied Flavio.

"Hmm… Interesting," Jimmy responded. "Where is it from originally?" _It seems rather gaudy to me_.

"'Twas quite the tale, truthfully," said Flavio. "Not to brag, but this priceless gem was procured by my ancestor, the great Flamenco Lambada, as a memento of his grand battle with the dreaded king of the pirates, Fernancito Cortez!"

"Oh, my!" gasped Jimmy, his eyes wide as saucers.

"Yes, quite the tale it was!" Flavio boasted. "Flamenco and Cortez engaged in a fierce duel to the death, for the rights to his grand wealth and treasure! Aye, it was a fierce fight, but Flamenco, my gallant ancestor, bested the fearsome pirate king, amassing riches of unspeakable fortune, among them this ruby skull!" Flavio held up the ruby skull gem again so that Jimmy could see.

"Just like Errol Flynn!" Jimmy marveled. "Or Johnny Depp."

"Of course, Flamenco did not plunder all of the treasure," Flavio continued. "However, he did surely amass enough to make my family as wealthy as we are today. It is because of him that Flavio is the richest man in all of Rogueport!"

"So what became of this fearsome Cortez?" asked Jimmy, somewhat annoyed by Flavio's incessant boasting.

"Ah, yes, that once-grand king of the pirates sailed away in disgrace, back to his hideout on Keelhaul Key!" Flavio boasted. "Though not without swearing vengeance and retribution upon those who seek to plunder what remains of his fabled treasure! And now, Flavio leaves you all for the night. Ta-ta!"

 **END FLASHBACK**

"And that's what I remember," Jimmy concluded.

"Most informative, Jimmy," Edd agreed. "Based on this, it would seem that this Flavio, for all of his narcissism, may very well hold the key to transporting us to this Keelhaul Key."

"Let's-a go meet-a with him, then, shall we?" Mario suggested.

"Yeah, and maybe grab some more grub, too," Kevin added.

"And some R and R. I need my beauty sleep," Eddy added.

"You'd need about a thousand years of it, dork," Kevin retorted.

"Oh, shut up, Shovelchin," Eddy fired back.

"Please, fellows, not here, and not now," Edd admonished them. "We'll rest at Mr. Podley's place, and if Flavio is there, we'll speak with him."

"Hey, I'm game," Nazz said.

Everyone turned to leave the professor's house and return to Podley's, with Koops asking Jimmy about Mr. Yum Yum. Edd, however, remained behind with Vivian and Eduardo, as he still had one more issue on his mind.

"Pardon me, Professor, but I have one more request to ask of you," Edd told the professor.

"Ah, yes, do please, ask away, young scholar," Frankly said.

"If you would, please, let us know if you see one of our, erm, acquaintances, whom we believe to be somewhere in town as of recently."

"Who might this acquaintance of yours be, if I may ask?" the professor inquired.

"She's a young girl, about twelve or thirteen years of age, moderate height, long blond hair, abnormally large front teeth, and wearing a gray T-shirt and red shorts, answers to the name May Kanker," Edd explained to him.

"Well, of course, I suppose I can do that," Frankly said.

"Thank you, Professor," Edd said.

"C'mon, Dad, can we go now?" Eduardo moaned.

"Ah, yes, of course," said Edd. "Shall we?"

XXX000XXX000XXX

Everyone returned to Podley's to find it moderately crowded for the dinner rush. Fortunately, Jimmy managed to spot Flavio at his usual table, and directed the group over to him.

"Jimmy, Mario, perhaps it's best that the three of us be the ones to speak with him," Edd noted.

"Okey-dokey, Double-D," Mario noted.

"Heh, last time I heard that was from Monobrow during a dodgeball game," Eddy grumbled to himself.

This was ignored by everyone else as they took some open seats at the counter and the tables, with Eddy and Kevin making sure to sit as far away from each other as possible as Edd, Jimmy, and Mario approached Flavio.

"Mr. Flavio!" Jimmy called.

Flavio turned to face the trio that approached him.

"Ah! The little boy from the other night!" Flavio greeted Jimmy boisterously. "Who may these fellows be that flank you?"

"Ah, yes, my name's Eddward, and this is Mario," Edd responded, indicating Mario and himself. "And I understand you've met Jimmy here."

"Yes, him I remember, kiddy-o," Flavio laughed. "I regaled him with the tale of my ancestor Flamenco Lambada's conquest over the fearsome Fernancito Cortez, the disgraced pirate king of Keelhaul Key."

"That's why we're here, Mr. Flavio," Jimmy noted. "Double-D?"

"But first, allow me to introduce myself to those whose acquaintance I've not yet made," the businessman bragged, inciting an eye-roll from Jimmy. "I am called Flavio. I am, how you say, a trader, and the _richest_ man in Rogueport!"

"Don't let Eddy hear this guy, Double-D," Jimmy whispered to Edd.

"My motto, as was that of my ancestor, is that monetary wealth gives me freedom, and freedom gives me wealth of spirit!" Flavio proclaimed, rather melodramatically. "And yet, I ask myself, day by day, why is it that a man who lives an unchained life must always long for yet more? What is missing from my life? I must know before my insides become completely torn!"

"Mr. Flavio, you said that when your ancestor beat Cortez, he took that ruby skull of yours as a keepsake, right?" Jimmy asked.

"That's correct, o inquisitive little one," Flavio replied.

"But that he didn't take all of the treasure, too, right?" Jimmy added.

"Yes…?" Flavio inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"You asked what was missing from your life, Mr. Flavio," Jimmy added. "I mean, what do you do all day?"

At this, Flavio stroked his chin in thought. "Hmmm…"

"I mean, besides brag about yourself, like someone else we know," Jimmy continued. "Maybe what you need is an adventure, like your ancestor! Think of the thrills! Maybe that's what's missing!"

"Thrills, you say? Well, I suppose one does need some thrills every now and then to combat the mundane," Flavio agreed. "Yes, nothing like the feeling of being alone on a snowy mountain, freezing to death…"

"You're thinking of chills, Mr. Flavio!" Edd groaned. "What you need are _thrills_ , not chills!"

"AH!" Flavio exclaimed. "Yes! Hold your horses, that's it! That is the answer! To continue my ancestor's treasure-hunting legacy big hunting the remaining treasure of Fernancito Cortez, the disgraced pirate king of Keelhaul Key! Oh, such happiness for me! That just shrieks of thrills, and rrrrrromance and emotion and even money!"

"Did someone say money?!" Eddy bragged, abruptly joining the conversation.

"Eddy!" Edd chided. "Have you truly been eavesdropping?!"

"I wasn't listenin' until I heard the word 'money,' Sockhead," Eddy retorted.

"Of course, many have ventured out in search of the loot. Scoundrels and ruffians alike," Flavio continued. "But apart from Flamenco Lambada, none who've ventured there have ever returned!"

"Jumpin' Jehoshophat!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"Oh, my," Edd added.

"Mamma-mia," Mario mused.

"Indeed, the horror of it makes my spine tingle," Flavio went on. "It's said that those who seek the treasure are attacked by the vengeful spirit of Cortez himself. Eek! It's due to these very rumors that people no longer journey to Keelhaul Key."

"Aw, gee, what a shame," Eddy mused sarcastically before muttering "bunch of sissies" under his breath.

"But Flavio shall be no sissy!" Flavio regaled. "That treasure still remains! I shall disprove all those naysayers who have written off the treasure of Keelhaul Key as mere myth! For I am Flavio, trader, extraordinaire, millionaire, sailor of the seven seas!"

"M-m-m-m-millionaire?!" Eddy exclaimed, dollar signs in his eyes.

"Well, ahem, speaking of treasure… we are actually in search of a treasure ourselves, one that's said to rest here in Rogueport," Edd told him.

"What's that, now?" Flavio gasped. "You are also on a treasure hunt? Right here in Rogueport?"

"Yep! And I'm- I mean we're gonna be rich like you, weird guy!" Eddy boasted.

"Why do you talk such craziness?" Flavio questioned. "There isn't anything like that in this dull armpit of a town. You truly cannot believe every treasure-related rumor you hear from every street urchin. No, no, no, a thousand times no."

"Forget him, Sockhead. What does he know about adventure?" Eddy griped to Edd. "I mean, he probably doesn't even have a boat. He's probably all talk and no oomph."

"Hm, perhaps you're right, Eddy," Edd added, catching on to Eddy's sarcasm. "I bet Mr. Flavio here doesn't even have a map like we do, right, Mario?"

"Excuse-ez-moy?" Flavio mispronounced. "What is this nonsense that continues to burst forth from your mouths? You have a treasure map, you say? Well, hand it over- er, I mean, show it to me this instant!"

"Go on, Mr. Mario, show him," Jimmy said to the plumber.

Immediately, Mario produced the map and allowed Flavio, Jimmy, Eddy, and Edd a closer look.

"You must be joking! This map- it leads straight to Keelhaul Key!" Flavio exclaimed, flabbergasted. "You swine! You plan to steal my treasure out from under me, don't you, you awful little man?!"

"You bet I do!" Eddy fired back.

"Pardon?! That's merely a misunderstanding! We're not after treasure!" Edd protested. "We're only looking for a Crystal Star said to be located there!"

"Well, now I'm confused," Flavio inquired. "You say you are searching not for treasure, but for artifacts known as Crystal Stars?"

"That's-a correct, Signor Flavio," Mario grumbled.

"I see your point about this man, Jimmy," Edd whispered to the pale boy.

"But now that I think about it… In Cortez's treasure hoard, there _was_ said to be a stone in the shape of a star," Flavio revealed. "Hmm… Perhaps if it were to be found, I could sell it for cash!"

"HEY! If anyone's sellin' treasure for cash, it's gonna be me! GOT IT, PURPLE-WIG?!" Eddy screamed angrily. "Why, I oughta-"

Fortunately, Mario covered Eddy's mouth and dragged him back to the rest of the group, while Edd and Jimmy remained at Flavio's table.

"My apologies," Edd told Flavio as Mario returned. "Eddy doesn't have a filter between his head and his mouth."

"No worries," Flavio told him. "Flavio was momentarily distracted by the thought of increased riches. What Flavio needs is romance, thrills, and emotion. What this business before me suggests, I cannot ignore. Why, this must be fate at work! Yes, Flavio shall join you on the grand voyage to Keelhaul Key!"

"That's-a great, Signor Flavio!" Mario proclaimed.

"Indeed! Thank you kindly, Mr. Flavio," Edd said.

"Just like Errol Flynn and Johnny Depp!" Jimmy proclaimed.

"Of course, the Crystal Star shall be yours, yes! But the rest of the treasure shall be mine!" Flavio elaborated.

"Just one question: How will we get there?" Jimmy inquired. "We don't have a ship!"

"Indeed, Jimmy, you raise an interesting point," Edd concurred. "My small sailboat, damaged as it may be, simply cannot make this long voyage, let alone transport a crew of twelve all at once."

"Huh? Please, you must repeat that for Flavio, as his ears were plugged," Flavio piped up. "You lack a ship?"

"Regrettably so," Edd responded.

"Ha! Ha ha ha ha!" Flavio guffawed. "Oh, you jest! Please, I am Flavio, the richest man in Rogueport! I will have a ship ready in no time! It'll be massive, and glorious!"

"Let's-a do it!" Mario exclaimed.

"Splendid, splendid!" Flavio boasted. "I shall volunteer myself as the intrepid leader of the expedition; you, with the mustache, and you with the, erm… hat, shall be co-captains! We shall make preparations first thing tomorrow morning."

"Why tomorrow?" Jimmy asked.

"It's getting quite late, my good sir," Flavio replied. "It's dangerous to be out at sea during the night. And besides, Flavio's famished."

"So am I," Jimmy added. "Let's eat."

Jimmy and Mario rejoined the rest of their group, while Edd turned to Flavio.

"Thank you again, Mr. Flavio," he told the pompous businessman.

"Of course, of course," Flavio said as Edd later rejoined his friends.

XXX000XXX000XXX

It was almost ten o'clock at night, and everyone had returned to their temporary lodging at Podley's. The arrangements were slightly different; Edd, Eddy, Eduardo Junior, and Jimmy shared a room; Kevin bunked with Rolf, Koops, and Mario; while Nazz, Goombella, and Madame Flurrie reluctantly allowed Vivian to room with them. Edd was sitting at the table in the center of his room, typing his reply to Marie Kanker's email, much to Eddy's irritation:

"To Marie Kanker:

"May escaped?! That's incredible! And you and your fellow captives had deduced that an evil force is what resides beyond the Thousand-Year Door? I must say, these recent events will greatly assist in solving the ancient mysteries of this world. I urge you to keep up the good work, and I implore you to remain safe, along with Lee and Princess Peach. If May _is_ indeed here in Rogueport, I shall keep my eyes peeled. Look out for each other and yourselves, now.

Sincerely, Eddward."

"And, send," Edd stated to himself as he clicked the button to send his reply.

"There, you sent your stupid email, now can we go to sleep?" Eddy grumbled.

"Not until you respond to Lee," Edd chided firmly.

"What's with you, Sockhead? After what she and her sisters always do to us? No way! She doesn't deserve to talk to me!"

"Eddy! She is being held against her will! The least you can do is acknowledge her."

"Urgh… fine," Eddy grumbled. Edd climbed out of the chair as Eddy sat down in front of the laptop and begrudgingly began typing a response to Lee.

In need of some fresh air, Edd left the room. No one else was awake besides himself and Eddy; they had become exhausted as a result of the events in Twilight Town. Soon, they would be shipping out overseas with Flavio to Keelhaul Key for the next Crystal Star; all they needed was a ship and a proper crew. The excitement on Flavio's face had become obvious at the prospect of a seafaring treasure hunt. He was a truly odd fellow, to say the least.

 **End of Part Two**


	39. 4-9: Secrets in Confidence

**Fourth Intermission**

 **Part 3: Secrets in Confidence**

 _Creak_.

Edd was startled out of his thoughts at the sound of a nearby door creaking open. He spotted the shape of someone passing through it and decided to follow this person, eventually ending up on the roof of Podley's. As he passed through the door, he was immediately greeted with a brisk, cool breeze. Even with the minimal combined light coming from the moon and the lantern next to the door, he saw Vivian sitting nearby, deep in thought as her pink hair blew in the breeze. From what he could see, it seemed a mixture of emotions - ranging from depression to unease - were swimming around inside her, displayed in the sad look on her face. After studying her for a few seconds, he made his presence known and spoke.

"Vivian?"

The Siren jumped at the sound and looked over at Edd. Realizing who it was, she breathed a sad sigh of relief.

"Oh… Double-D," she said morosely.

"My apologies for startling you," he told her. "Is something wrong?"

"…I-I'm fine," she replied, trying to downplay her emotions.

Edd wasn't convinced by this answer; he knew something was wrong.

"May I join you?" he asked her.

"Oh, um… sure," she said.

Edd closed the door behind him, leaving it slightly ajar, and joined Vivian on the rooftop, staring at the sky. The moon glowed brightly, surrounded by clouds not large enough to completely cover the starry sky.

"So… did you want to talk about something?" Vivian asked him.

"Well… there are some issues that need sorting out," Edd responded.

"Like what?"

"When we visited the Thousand-Year Door, you recoiled in fear," he told her. "What was it about the door that frightened you?"

"Oh, um… yeah, sorry about that; it was just a panic attack," she said. "I don't know what happened or why."

"Well, why did you feel as if you had to hide it?" Edd asked her, worried.

"Because I didn't want you to worry about me," she told him.

"I always worry about those that I care about," he replied. "Would I have treated your injuries if I didn't care about you?"

Vivian managed a timid smile at this, remembering how Edd – himself reduced to a silhouette at the time – took the time to apply first-aid to the injuries inflicted on her by Beldam.

"There is something else, as well," he recalled. "Do you recall, back outside the Creepy Steeple, when I, erm, lost my hat?"

Vivian sniffed and nodded slowly.

"Once that happened, you stated rather cryptically that you knew who I was," Edd explained. "Yet it wasn't until we confronted Doopliss that you figured out I was Double-D."

"Oh… Please, you must understand," Vivian responded. "When I was with… my sisters… every night, I would have these recurring dreams. In these dreams, I saw someone… rather, in truth, a silhouette of someone, along with the symbol of an eye. In the shadows, I could barely make out this person's outline… and so, when your hat fell off, and I saw the eye symbol on your forehead that matched the symbol in my dreams… I knew… right then and there… that you were the one I saw."

She then adjusted herself such that she was looking right into Edd's eyes.

"I need to confess something," she told him squarely. "The truth about your new powers."

"You refer to my, erm, fire-bending abilities?" Edd inquired. "Those first manifested during our rise to the championship at Glitzville's Glitz Pit."

"Your powers… you got them from me, back in the Boggly Woods," Vivian stated.

"From you?" he asked. "In the Boggly Woods? But… how? And why?"

"My sister, Beldam… ahem, I also had another dream," she explained. "In this one, it's the end of the world, and the elements run amok… Thunder roars, lightning crashes, fires burn everywhere, and yet, a sub-zero cold stings the air. There's this monster… this demon, laughing its wicked, unearthly cackle. In the palm of its hand is Beldam, sharing in this demon's twisted joy, basking in the chaos of the apocalypse."

"Oh, my," Edd gasped.

"We Shadow Sirens each have three signature abilities, you see," Vivian explained. "We all share the power to cast shadows. Our remaining abilities differ, obviously; Beldam summons sub-zero ice, Marilyn calls raging lightning, and I bend scorching fire. Our third abilities, however, are never shared with anyone else… in my case, prophetic visions through my dreams."

"In that case, then this dream of Beldam and the wicked demon… may have been your foresight of the future," Edd realized.

"Yes," Vivian responded. "After this dream, I had but lost all hope of circumventing this dark prophecy… until we encountered you and some of your friends in the Boggly Woods. I remember how relieved and impressed I was as I watched you stand up to Beldam without laying a hand on me. Right then and there, some hope was rekindled for me, and I found myself in firm belief that you could prevent this nightmare from becoming reality. After Beldam saw you get quite literally thrown out of the Great Boggly Tree, she ordered us to ambush you and finish you off. Again, despite your wounds, you faced her down. So when it was my turn to finish you off, I discreetly took the opportunity to provide you with all the help I could give at the time: my power of fire."

Vivian demonstrated by summoning a small ember in her right hand for a few seconds.

"So that… that explains the burning sensation I felt when you held me," Edd said. "Well, erm… Now I understand how I came to possess this power. Thank you."

"Listen to me," she then said, looking more concerned and serious than before. "I have _never_ , _ever_ shared this with _anyone_ until now. Please promise me that you'll keep this a secret from everyone else."

"You have my word, Vivian," he told her. "And speaking of keeping secrets…"

"Yes?"

Now Edd was the one who appeared concerned and serious as he said, "Apart from Ed and Eddy, you are the only one who has seen me without my hat, and thus seen what's underneath. Please promise me that you'll keep this a secret as well."

"You have my word, Double-D," she replied, smiling.

"…Thank you, Vivian," he replied, smiling back.

"There is… one more thing that's been troubling me," she said, her smile fading. "Back at the chapel, near Twilight Town, Rolf said…"

 **FLASHBACK**

"Hey, I remember you! You're Vivian, of the Shadow Sirens!" Goombella spat at her. "Y'know, those witches that gave us problems at Boggly Woods! Why don't you just make like ice and melt?"

"Son of a gun! The Goomba-girl speaks the truth!" Rolf exclaimed angrily. "Hear Rolf's words, witch-girl! Rolf shall NEVER forgive you for your attempted siege of the home of the Punies!" Rolf charged forward, but Koops and Mario restrained him. "Return to the inky shadows where you belong lest Rolf subject you to a 3-shoe beating!"

The sensitive Shadow Siren looked up at Edd, tears in her eyes; Edd couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 **END FLASHBACK**

"It seems Rolf hasn't quite gotten over the Boggly Tree incident. He just needs some time," Edd reassured her. "He'll come around eventually."

"I hope you're right," Vivian responded morosely. "I never felt so bad after hearing that."

Edd gently pulled her into a comforting embrace. Vivian was surprised at this move, but slowly, she reciprocated the embrace with her good arm.

"Everything will be okay," he reassured her.

"You really don't mind me being here?" she asked.

"Mind?" Edd inquired. "Why, quite the contrary. I welcome your company-"

"Whoa-ho, what do we got here?!" Eddy suddenly interrupted, startling Edd and Vivian. The two gasped and awkwardly pulled away.

"Oh, am I interrupting something?" Eddy asked smugly, a wide grin on his face akin to that of the Cheshire Cat.

"Just how long have you been standing there, Eddy?" Edd demanded, glaring at him.

"Yeah, I came in around 'I never felt so bad after hearing that,'" Eddy chuckled.

"What is it you want that you would interrupt us?" Edd asked him.

"Jeez, relax. I just came out here to tell ya I'm done with the email thingy," Eddy replied, still grinning smugly.

"That's good. Now please go back to bed," Edd chided, his face getting warmer and redder by the second.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just don't stay up too late, Romeo," Eddy said nonchalantly, waving his hand in the same manner before returning inside.

Edd turned to face Vivian, who was also blushing profusely.

"Ahem, yes, um, Eddy has a point. We should return to our rooms for the night as well," he said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"Oh, um, yeah," Vivian replied in a like manner.

They walked back inside together, just in time to see Eddy re-entering the room he shared with Edd, Jimmy, and the little Yoshi.

"Good night, Double-D," Vivian said to him, smiling again.

"Good night, Vivian," Edd replied, reciprocating her smile.

With this, Vivian returned to the room she shared with the girls while Edd returned to his room. Sleep, however, did not come quite so easily for him. While he finally knew that Vivian was the benefactor of his ability to bend fire, he felt uneasy regardless at the revelation that he had been popping up in Vivian's dreams. As he fought the urge to lie awake, he began to wonder: Was he himself this "legendary hero" that he had been hearing about?

 **End of Part Three**


	40. 4-10: The Anchored Sailor

**Fourth Intermission**

 **Part 4: The Anchored Sailor**

The sun rose above the horizon, dappling its rays of light over Rogueport and casting shimmers along the surface of the ocean. Having finished breakfast, everyone waited in the main tavern, having packed in preparation for the long voyage to Keelhaul Key, with each of the heroes holding different bags of varying styles on their person. Currently, Edd was taking a head count to make sure no one was missing.

"Ahem," he said, clearing his throat. "Nazz?"

"Here, dude," she replied.

"Rolf?"

"The son of a shepherd is ready."

"Jimmy?"

"With bells on my toes, Double-D!"

"Eddy?"

"Yeah, yeah, we're all here, Sockhead."

"Get on with it already, Double-Dweeb; we're burnin' daylight here," Kevin groaned.

"Rome wasn't built in a day, Kevin," Edd chided. "Is everyone prepared?"

"Yup, we're all packed," Nazz replied, heaving her bag.

"We're all-a prepared-a," Mario chimed in.

"Ready as we'll ever be," Goombella quipped.

"Ate, showered, clothed, and good to go," Koops chimed in.

"Madame longs for excitement," Madame Flurrie added.

"I'm here, but where's Eduardo?" Vivian inquired.

"In here!" Eduardo piped up, poking his head out of Edd's backpack. Taking note of the quizzical looks on everyone's faces, he followed up with, "What? It's comfortable and roomy in here!"

"Well then, that's everyone accounted for. Let's be off, then, shall we?" Edd proclaimed.

The heroes exited Podley's tavern, with the little Yoshi now walking between Edd and Vivian, and after some shopping in the item stores for useful items and rations, arrived at the harbor in just under seven minutes. Upon arrival, everyone gasped in awe and surprise at what was docked.

The sight they beheld was that of a large, extravagant schooner. It was mostly a rustic golden yellow in color, with bright golden stars along a long blue strip adorning the upper hull and stern; on the side was the name of the vessel, "S.S. Flavion." A crew of sailors consisting of mostly Bob-ombs and Toads were working on restoring and fortifying the vessel as Flavio stood proudly next to the ship.

"My word, what an exquisite vessel you have, Mr. Flavio," Edd marveled.

"All the better to sail the seas with," Flavio bragged.

"Sweet! I can't wait to check out my swag room!" Eddy laughed single-mindedly.

One of the Toad sailors spotted the heroes on the docks and greeted them with a wave. "Ahoy! I take it y'all are passengers? How many?"

Eduardo promptly climbed out of Edd's backpack and settled on his head.

"That would be, uh… twelve," Nazz replied, doing a mental head count of her own to make sure her math was correct.

"Right then, all aboard that's comin' aboard," replied the Toad sailor.

Edd led the heroes aboard the ship. Once aboard, they observed much of the remaining crew loading supplies and other miscellaneous cargo below decks, while Flavio just stood in the center of the main deck.

"Ahoy, Signor Flavio, we've arrived-a," Mario greeted him.

"Feast your eyes on the S.S. Flavion! A fine, fantastic vessel, no?" Flavio bragged. "She's the queen of the countless ships in my personal fleet! Just admire the raw majesty of her hull, the pomp and circumstance! There's not a vessel alive that can compare to her!"

"Get on with it, Poofy!" Eddy yelled.

"Ah, yes, I take it everyone's here now," Flavio determined. He then beckoned, "Gather round, everyone!"

Everyone gathered around on the main deck as Flavio did a head count of his own, indicating a Bob-omb sailor, a Toad sailor, himself, the working crew, and a suspicious fellow with horns, in that order.

"So we got our keeper of supplies, our medic, our mustachioed captain, our deckhands, our helmsman, and… is that everyone?"

"Not exactly!" came a new voice, one that stirred a familiar memory within Edd and Nazz.

"Say what? Speak, Pa-Patch! What is it?" Flavio called.

A slightly larger Bob-omb arrived on the main deck and approached Flavio. He had a purple coloration and wore a patch over his eye as well as a striped bandana on his head. As he conversed with Flavio, Edd almost immediately recognized him.

 _Goodness_ , _isn_ ' _t that the kind soul who assisted Nazz and I when we first arrived in Rogueport_? Edd thought to himself. _So he is called Pa-Patch_. _An odd name for an odd fellow indeed_ , _but he was the first kind soul that Nazz and I encountered_. _Ah_ , _yes_! _He was the one who helped us to secure my sailboat when we first docked here_ , _despite his apparent lack of upper-body appendages_.

Only then did the realization hit Edd: _Wait one moment_ \- _where IS my sailboat_? _Why is it not still docked_? He looked around for any sign of his missing S.S. Intelligence that was docked at the harbor long ago as Flavio and Pa-Patch continued to converse.

 _ **Pa-Patch**_ _is a purple-colored seafaring Bob-omb sailor known for his distinct eye patch. He was the first creature that Edd and Nazz met upon their arrival in Rogueport. They met when he tethered Edd's sailboat more firmly to Rogueport's harbor with a sailor's knot._

"Well, it seems a slight li'l problem's popped up there," Pa-Patch stated. "We ain't got a navigator! He ran off, the scurvy dog!"

"Oh, me, oh, my, this is quite the pickle," Flavio groaned. "We cannot set sail without a navigator, lest we wind up lost at sea!"

Edd cleared his throat. "Ahem, if I may?" he chimed in. "Perhaps we could find a replacement navigator for this eldritch vessel?"

"Of course, but where in this town would we find such a crewman?" Flavio puzzled. "As you may know, the navigator is the highest-ranked helmsman, in charge of steering the ship. Because the waters of Keelhaul Key are quite dangerous, we need an absurdly skilled helmsman to be our navigator. It's, how you say, quite the pickle."

"Oy!" Pa-Patch called. "If'n yeh don't mind me sayin', I might 'ave a solution."

"Tease me not, Pa-Patch! You say you can solve our little sitch-ee-ation? Spit it out, man!" Flavio demanded.

"Well, I done 'eard talk of a famed- nay, a _legendary_ sailor livin' 'ere in ol' Rogueport," Pa-Patch said. "He be known as Bobbery. _Admiral_ Bobbery. A salty ol' sea dog, he is, by all accounts, but he's said to 'ave the ol' Helmsman's Touch- ol' Bobbery can make any ship bow to his will."

"Excellent!" Flavio proclaimed. "Where can we find him?"

"Er… no idea," Pa-Patch said sadly.

Everyone on the boat collectively face-palmed.

"I be sorry, but see, thing is, ain't a soul what's seen 'im on the seas o' late," Pa-Patch continued.

"Ah!" Flavio exclaimed, as if he just had an idea. "Then we shall merely scout out this Bobbery fellow and bring him aboard! Bassa-BOOM, problem solved!" He turned to face Mario and continued: "As is customary, the captain shall all negotiations. Mario! I hereby name you as captain! That's fair, yes?"

While everyone was a bit annoyed that Flavio was shirking the responsibilities of the captaincy by passing the title to Mario, many of the shipmates voiced their agreement to the arrangement, as they would rather have someone other than the pompous businessman as their captain.

"Then it is decided," Flavio proclaimed. "Find this Bobbery and bring him to the S.S. Flavion, Captain Mario. Our fortune sails with you! Chop-chop, be off now!"

"Man, what's with this Flavio guy? Why's he makin' us do all the work?" Eddy grumbled.

"Oh, please, Eddy, it's not like you're any different," Edd chastised. "Every time you come up with some mind-numbingly egregious plot to swindle the neighborhood children of the cul-de-sac out of their monetary allowance, you always leave myself and Ed to do all the work while you just lounge about lazily and refuse to lift a finger in assistance."

"Enough with the big words already, Sockhead," Eddy groaned.

Ignoring Eddy's complaint, Edd turned to Pa-Patch and asked: "Pardon me, Mister, um… Pa-Patch. I would like to thank you again for assisting Nazz and me with our sailboat. That being said, I must ask, where is said sailboat now? For it's no longer tethered to the docks."

"Ah, yes, the young lad from yea o'er a week ago," Pa-Patch replied. "The cap'n ordered us to hoist it ashore 'n store it away fer the time bein'. Well, o' course that was 'fore Flavio passed the cap'n hat to yer 'stachioed mate. Yer humble little vessel be 'neath that tarp yonder." The Bob-omb sailor directed the boy's gaze over to a large tarp nearby, beneath which sat Edd's S.S. Intelligence.

"Okey-dokey!" Mario called suddenly, whistling to direct everyone's attention to himself. "Currently, there are-a twelve of us in our-a group of travelers. We shall-a find this Admiral Bobbery if we break off into groups of-a four. I shall take Eddy, Koops-a, and-a Goombella and-a search the western-a district."

"Madame shall go avec Mademoiselle Nazz et Messieurs Jimmy et Kevin to search ze center square," Madame Flurrie chimed in.

"And that leaves myself, Vivian, Eduardo, and Rolf to search the east side," Edd noted. "We'll meet back here within the half-hour."

Rolf scowled at the prospect of once again being in close proximity to Vivian, but forced himself to suck it up to keep Edd or anyone else from becoming too suspicious.

"Right," everyone affirmed.

"Let's-a go, shall we?" Mario proclaimed.

The twelve heroes returned to Rogueport Square and broke off into their respective groups of four in search of this Admiral Bobbery, in the hopes of convincing him to take the role of navigator for their voyage across the sea to Keelhaul Key. Mario rounded up Goombella, Koops, and a reluctant Eddy and led them into the Pianta-owned western district; Edd rounded up Vivian, Eduardo Junior, and a reluctant (and still scowling) Rolf and led them to the eastern side where Professor Frankly's house was located, with the intent of asking the wise Goomba professor about Bobbery; in the meantime, Nazz, Jimmy, Flurrie, and a less-than-interested Kevin remained in the central square, starting their search near what was clearly Zess T.'s house near Podley's.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd brought his group back to Professor Frankly's house.

"If my hunch is correct, then Professor Frankly should know if Admiral Bobbery is in this town or elsewhere," he told them.

Minding his manners, Edd knocked on Frankly's door in his trademark "shave and a haircut" rhythm.

"Professor Frankly?" he called.

"Eddward? Please, come in," Frankly called from within.

Edd opened the door and led his compatriots back into the Goomba professor's abode.

"Ah, Eddward and friends. May I help you in any way I can?" Frankly asked.

"Ahem, yes. As you're aware, we are due to set sail for Keelhaul Key momentarily, but alas, we lack a navigator for our ship," Edd explained. "However, it's come to our attention that there is one Admiral Bobbery who could very well fill the role."

"Admiral Bobbery, you say?" Frankly inquired.

"Yeah, Prof, we heard he was quite the sailor back in the day," Eduardo Junior piped up.

"Yes, I have heard of him, young ones," Frankly responded. "As a matter of fact, he lives right next door, if you believe it or not."

"That's certainly convenient. Thank you, Professor Frankly," Edd thanked him.

"What're we waitin' for, Dad? C'mon, let's get him!" Eduardo exclaimed.

Edd and his group exited Frankly's house and crossed to the house next door, where they were told Admiral Bobbery lived. Again, the sock-headed boy knocked on the door using the same "shave and a haircut" rhythm.

"Pardon me? Admiral Bobbery?" Edd called.

"No one's home," came a gruff voice from within.

"Pardon? Well then, with whom am I speaking?" Edd inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"Ye seek Admiral Bobbery?" the voice responded. "Never heard o' the gent. Take yer search elsewhere."

"Oh, drop the act, Super-Stache! We know it's you, Mr. Admiral Bobbery!" Eduardo fired back.

"Harumph! Such poppycock," the man inside shouted. "Tell me, if I _were_ this Bobbery chap, what would ye want with me?"

"Well, see, mister, we, um, we need you to help us out," Vivian chimed in.

"Eh? Speak up! I can't hear yeh!" the gruff voice called.

Rolf shoved Vivian aside rather aggressively and called within: "He-who-is-admiral shall, how you say, 'navigate our fine vessel!'"

"Yer ship needs a navigator 'n ye want me fer the job? What be this blathering?! So sorry, but ye'll hafta look elsewhere., fer I- I mean, Bobbery- shall set sail upon the sea NEVERMORE!" the gruff voice snapped back.

"Aw, c'mon, what, ya gonna make us beg or something?" Eduardo yelled.

"Listen, lad, no means no!" the gruff man shouted. "Why, I oughta have ya's tossed in the brig for this! Now, AWAY WIT YEH!"

Sensing that they weren't getting what they had hoped for, Edd quietly motioned for the others to walk away from the door.

"C'mon, Dad, tell me you ain't givin' up that easy!" Eduardo complained. "What's Old Salty's beef with the ocean, anyways?"

"Those are his rules, and I don't intend to disobey them," Edd explained. He recalled a time back home when Eddy led the entire cul-de-sac on a crusade to live without rules, which drove him crazy to the point of breaking the number-one rule ("Never squeal") and phoning everyone's parents. Eduardo Junior, however, facepalmed and groaned exasperatedly.

"This is quite a quandary, however," Edd mused. "Never have I heard of a sailor with an immense loathing for the open seas."

"There's got to be some way to get through to him," Vivian muttered.

"And what does the witch-girl suggest?!" Rolf snapped, getting in her face.

"That is enough, Rolf!" Edd fired back, getting in between them.

"Yeah, Blue-Hair, put the pin back in the grenade, why don't ya?" Eduardo added.

After a few seconds, Rolf calmed down and stepped back, but maintained his disgusted stare toward Vivian.

"Vivian does raise a good point," Edd noted, scratching his chin in deep thought. "There must be someone in this town who can provide assistance."

"Let's hit up old Podley's," Eduardo chimed in. "Flavio usually hangs out there, doesn't he? Maybe there's someone there who might know Old Salty's story."

"Perhaps you're right, Junior," Edd noted. "I suppose we've nothing to lose from this minor detour."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd and his group returned to Podley's in the center of town, just barely bypassing Madame Flurrie's group unnoticed, and made their way to the old Beanish man behind the counter.

"Ah, young ones. Still passing time?" Podley inquired.

"We have some questions to ask of you, if you don't mind," Edd told him.

"Well, as long as you're here, may I get you anything?" the old Beanish man asked.

"No, thank you, we won't linger for very long," Edd replied. "My question to you is, are you familiar with a sailor by the name of Bobbery?"

"Admiral Bobbery, you say?" Podley asked.

"The green bean is acquaintances with the salty sailor?" Rolf piped up.

"Um… what was that again, young lad?" Podley asked him, eyebrow raised.

"What Rolf means to ask is, do you know Bobbery?" Edd clarified.

"Ah, when you put it that way, yes, indeed, I've known the man since I was a young lad myself," Podley explained.

"We're concerned, because for such a renowned sailor, it seems Bobbery has developed an aversion to the sea," Edd explained. "We asked him if he would take the role of navigator for our upcoming ocean voyage, and he flat-out refused and initially claimed to be someone else."

"Bobbery won't go out to sea, huh?" Podley stated. "Hmm, well, I can't say that surprises me… The real question is, are you really sure you folks want Bobbery back on the water?"

"We just told you, Greenie, we've got a voyage coming up to Keelhaul Key, and we need him to be our navigator," Eduardo chimed in. "Can't sail without a navigator."

"Keelhaul Key, you say? Rough seas out there, rough enough to bring most ordinary sailors to their end," Podley mused. "But not old Bobbery… The fact of the matter is, Admiral Bobbery's tale is quite sad. In fact, I'm not sure I'm the right person to tell it to you…"

"Please, Mr. Podley, we must know," Vivian told him.

Podley hesitated for a few seconds before replying. "Oh, very well then. Allow me to get you some drinks, since this tale is a rather depressing one."

The old Beanish man crossed over to the refrigerator behind the counter and pulled out four bottles of Chuckola Cola, after which Edd immediately placed some coins on the counter as payment. As Podley placed the bottles on the countertop for the group of four, the old man cleared his throat and began telling Bobbery's story.

"Get ready now, because Bobbery's tale of woe goes something like this," he told them. "Bobbery didn't always have a hatred of the sea. There was a time in his life when the sea was his one true love. To get closer to the sea, he enlisted in the Rogueport Navy, and during his time in the service, he's seen many a war on the open waters. But heck, even that wasn't going to separate him from the sea. It was like he and the sea held a spiritual connection."

"Well then, why's he hate it so much?" Eduardo inquired.

"Patience, young Yoshi, I'm getting to that," Podley chided. He sighed and sat down at one of the chairs behind the counter. "During his service, Bobbery met a kindly woman of enduring beauty, inside and out, and fell in love with her at first sight. Her name was Scarlette."

"Oh, my…" Edd murmured.

"Yes, indeed, the two were madly in love. The kind of love normally reserved for fairy tales," Podley continued. "Bobbery was a renowned sailor, so he was away from home for long periods, but when he became an admiral, he decided to stay on land and wed Scarlette. When he brought her here to my tavern, I could see why he was smitten with her. She truly was beautiful… inside… and out…"

At this point, Podley was having difficulty speaking, a fact which did not go unnoticed by Vivian and the boys.

"So… anyway," he said, forcing himself to speak. "They were only married a year before the service called out for his aid in war… He promised his beloved Scarlette that they would see each other again… dear Scarlette, she never complained, though… she promised to wait for his safe return… and old Bobbery… his eye never drifted, for he loved only Scarlette, truly and deeply."

"I don't understand. Why, if he had already completed his naval service, did he have to go?" Edd inquired.

"He had said… he'd said that by assisting in the war, he was protecting everything he loved… especially Scarlette," the old Beanish man said, his voice breaking.

"How romantic," Vivian chimed in.

"I remember it like it was yesterday," Podley went on. "The sunset that evening was lovely and picturesque as Bobbery and his beloved said their goodbyes at the wharf. I went with her to see him off before he set sail… ah, dear Scarlette, bless her heart, she was truly worried for him, so much so that she wanted him to stay. Heavens, she even tried to convince him to let her accompany him, but no, old Bobbery would hear nothing of it. He wanted her safe and happy here in Rogueport…" Podley paused for a few seconds to regain his composure before continuing. "He promised his safe return, and the two shared one last embrace and loving kiss on the docks before he boarded. She watched as he took his ship and departed into the sunset, waiting until it was out of her visual sight before returning home."

"This is truly a touching tale of love," Edd noted, taking a swig of his cola.

"However," Podley said, getting up from his seat. "Tragically, they would never meet again."

"Oh, dear. What, may I ask, happened exactly?" Edd inquired.

"Within the first month of old Bobbery's departure, Old Man Winter came for his yearly visit," Podley told him. "It was a particularly icy winter when it happened… poor Scarlette fell gravely ill. Was it a virus? A passing cold? No one knew. But it soon turned very serious. Even our best doctors were stumped. They tried everything, but alas, to no avail… Bobbery, at sea on a long, lonely voyage to help with a war out at sea, knew nothing of his beloved bride's suffering…"

"Aw, man," Eduardo cried, his eyes watering.

"I was at her bedside," Podley continued. "The doctors had already given up… I came to her at her bedside."

A single tear trickled down from Podley's eye and down his cheek. Edd and his friends were rendered speechless in sadness.

"I could tell from her swollen eyes, she'd been crying," the old Beanish man quavered. "But as I sat beside her, she managed one last smile… She…. She could barely speak, but Scarlette, she… handed me a note… to give to Bobbery…" At this point, he had begun sobbing, just barely forming words. "Her… her last words to me… were… 'Bobbery's passion, the-the sea… will always be… be there for him… And as I… as I become… one with-with the sea… I shall, too, al-always be th-there for him…' After this… she… she closed her eyes… and succumbed…. Slowly faded away…"

Edd, Vivian, and Eduardo had been crying themselves at this tale of woe. Rolf, however, restrained his emotions, remaining perfectly serious.

"She was given… a proper burial at sea," Podley continued. "Eventually… Bobbery returned home, eager to see his beloved wife…"

"That-that's horrible," Edd cried.

"He couldn't find her… and when he asked me where she was… all I could do was point out to the ocean. I couldn't bear to tell him in words… so of course, when he found out… he blamed himself. I remember him saying, 'My loving wife… she's perished because of me… If… If I'd never gone out to sea that day… I could've nursed her back to health… I could've saved her…' Such thoughts overwhelmed him, day in and day out, tormenting him always, haunting his sleep. He's locked himself in his home since, refusing to ever set sail out to sea again."

"This note she left for him… what did it say?" Edd asked. "What were Scarlette's last words to him?"

"Ah, yes… I still have it," Podley whimpered. "I never had the heart to give it to him…"

"Seriously? Please, you must give it to him!" Vivian told him. "Or at the very least, let us deliver it. It's only fair that Mr. Bobbery receive Scarlette's last sentiments."

Podley reached under the counter and took out an old sheet of paper, which he promptly handed off to Edd.

"Can you do what I lacked the courage to do myself?" Podley asked him.

"Of course," Edd replied, carefully taking the note containing Scarlette's last words. "Thank you, Mr. Podley."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd and his group returned to Admiral Bobbery's residence next door to Professor Frankly's house and knocked on the door.

"Mr. Admiral Bobbery?" he called.

"Oh, by Blabberton's beard, not you again!" the man inside retorted from within. "I care not how many times ye entreat me, but my stance shall remain firm! Now away with yeh!"

"Please, we're not here to force you to accompany us!" Edd protested.

After a brief pause, the man inside clicked the lock and opened the door, revealing himself to be an old Bob-omb wearing a Navy admiral's cap, sporting a thick white mustache, and a ship's wheel on his back in place of the usual crank. His white hair protruded from his hat and covered one of his eyes, similar to Marie Kanker.

 _ **Admiral Bobbery**_ _is a renowned Bob-omb sailor who was left with a hatred for the sea after the heartbreaking loss of his love, Scarlette. In battle, he can trigger a controlled self-explosion to damage foes without damaging himself in the process; outside of battle, he can do the same to destroy weak, cracked surfaces like walls. Chuckola Cola is his favorite beverage, as well._

"Then what is it ye want?" the man known as Bobbery demanded. "Make it fast, lest I have yeh's tossed in the brig fer trespassin'."

"Yes, um, Mr. Podley asked us to deliver this to you," Edd said, opening the note for him on account that Bobbery lacked arms and hands, much like Pa-Patch and other Bob-ombs.

"What be this?" Bobbery inquired.

"Read it and see," Edd told him.

As Bobbery read the note, his eyes widened and he gasped. "Why, this… this be the manuscript o' me beloved Scarlette!"

As Bobbery read the letter, tears began to form in his eyes, and his beloved Scarlette's voice seemed to be speaking to him:

"My love, if you are reading this letter, then I am no longer by your side. Because fate has stepped between us, I have elected to write you this, my final letter. If you are reading this, I have likely passed away as you were out to sea… My sweet Bobbery, I can only assume that you will blame yourself for my passing. Although my time on this mortal coil was short, you gave me more than a lifetime's worth of joy. Though you will mourn, I implore you to remember that time, like love, is a tide. You are one with the sea, as you were one with me. Do not lose both of the loves of your life. So long as you love the sea, I shall never be truly gone. Your beloved, Scarlette."

Bobbery was struggling to hold back his tears after reading his wife's final sentiments.

"A-a thousand pardons, young'uns, but ol' Bobbery needs a moment alone, if ye please," he told them.

"Of course," Edd told him reassuringly.

Bobbery wasted no time and ducked into the back room of his house, not wanting his guests to see him crying. Rolf looked away and hung his head down. Edd, Vivian and Eduardo found their eyes watering as well, and came together for comfort. Amid a short, silent pause, they could hear Bobbery's voice through the back room door:

"Aye, me love… I was ever truly happy, my sweet, sweet Scarlette… yea, I love yeh still. I promise ye, that I shan't let yeh down, me darlin'. Yea, I shall fulfill yer final wishes 'n set sail once more. Ye helped me to realize that so long as I sail the oceans, ye will always be with me."

Edd and his friends smiled at these heartfelt words. After a few seconds, Bobbery regained his composure and found his seafaring ways reignited at the final words of his dearly departed Scarlette, and opened the door to face Edd and his friends with a grin.

"Now then, young'uns, I hear tell that ye be lookin' fer a navigator so ye can set sail to Keelhaul Key?" the Bob-omb admiral asked them.

"That's correct," Edd replied.

"Well, harrumph, if ye believe that an ol' sea bomb is what ye need, then what be we waitin' fer?"

The foursome smiled at the admiral, having successfully brought him out of his depression and reignited his passion for the sea.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Now with the twelve heroes and Admiral Bobbery back aboard the S.S. Flavion, the ship and her crew were finally ready to set sail on their overdue voyage. As the news of the journey had spread like wildfire throughout Rogueport, a large crowd had gathered at the harbor to see them off. Edd's sailboat had discreetly been brought aboard the vessel by Pa-Patch, just in case.

"Anchors aweigh!" Mario called from the deck.

The ship shook as the anchor was raised. The crew and the passengers of the ship waved to the crowd that had gathered.

"Good luck finding the treasure!" someone called from the docks. "Make sure to give Rogueport a good name!"

"We will!" Pa-Patch called back.

"Lower the sails-a!" Mario shouted.

The crew followed their captain's command and lowered the ship's sails. The ship jerked with the motion, and the winds carried the large vessel away from the harbor and out to sea.

"Goodbye, Rogueport! We shall return successfully!" Jimmy called to the crowd.

Loud cheering and shouts of "Bon Voyage!" rang out on the docks as the ship set off for the open ocean. As Bobbery steered the wheel of the ship, he took a quick glance back to the city of Rogueport before returning his gaze to the ocean in front of him, feeling happier than ever…

XXX000XXX000XXX

Unbeknownst to the sailors and the crowd at the harbor, there was another observer: the X-Naut Rawlings had hidden behind the wharf's stairs and watched the ship set sail as well from a safe enough distance to avoid detection. He whipped out a radio communicator and switched it on.

"This is X-Naut One here, come back, dude? I repeat, X-Naut One here. Over," he spoke. "Roger. Reading you five-by. Infiltration is successful. X-Naut Black is aboard vessel. I repeat, X-Naut Black has boarded the flamboyant-looking vessel. Over."

It seemed one of their own had disguised themselves and infiltrated the S.S. Flavion as a passenger. Satisfied, Rawlings discreetly made his way up the stairs and slipped into the town square, unaware of the blond-haired and buck-toothed teenage girl who had dashed madly past him en route to the docks, the girl who had escaped her imprisonment in the X-Naut Fortress.

That girl was May Kanker.

 **End of Part Four**


	41. 4-11: Deal with Darkness

**Fourth Intermission**

 **Part 5: Deal with Darkness**

May Kanker ran as fast as she could to the docks, having heard rumors that Edd and some of the other kids from Peach Creek had been spotted preparing to sail the ocean. By the time she arrived, however, it seemed she was too late. She watched as the large schooner, the S.S. Flavion, sailed away into the horizon; no doubt this was the ship that the kids had boarded. She kicked the ground in frustration and let out an exasperated groan, believing she had lost her chance to reunite with her Big Ed.

"Dang it! What am I gonna do now?" she complained to no one.

She ran around the docks in hopes of finding another boat. She discovered the nearby tarp and looked underneath it, but it was empty. There was no boat underneath. Looking around, the blond-haired Kanker girl began to despair, as there were no boats currently available. May took a deep breath – desperate times called for desperate measures.

"That's it. Big Ed, I'll find you no matter what it takes! Even if I gotta swim!" she said loudly, thrusting her fist into the air.

 _That_ ' _s your problem_ , _girl_ , said a voice from nowhere. _You_ ' _re too rash_.

"Who's there?" May cried out, looking around frantically.

There was no response. May rubbed the temples of her head and crossed to the edge of the docks.

"I must be hearing things," she groaned. "And there aren't any other boats… Looks like I'm swimmin' all the way. I'm comin' for ya, Big Ed!"

She took a deep breath at the dockside, closed her eyes, and exhaled.

"Hmm… the water's all murky," she noted.

 _Don_ ' _t be stupid_ , _girl_! the same voice from before snapped. _Do not follow those fools_!

On instinct, May whipped around and punched behind her, but nothing was there, and she only punched air.

"Who's there?!" she called again.

Turning back to the water, she prepared to dive in.

"Man, I must be goin' crazy," she said to herself. "I gotta find Ed before I crack."

With one last deep breath, May dove into the murky ocean water. The combination of ship fuel and the overall uncleanness that was Rogueport made the water feel horrifically filthy. May resurfaced, took a gasp, and let out a disgusted grunt at the water's grittiness. To her fortune, however, the S.S. Flavion was still within her sight in the distance. Resolutely, she began swimming.

Since the water was so filthy, it was hard to swim anywhere, but May's resolve burned too strongly for her to give up. With each stroke, she kicked harder and harder. As she continued to swim, the ship appeared to be getting closer.

"Awesome!" she gasped. "I'm gaining on it!"

 _You_ ' _re a fool_ , _little girl_! came the angry voice again. _Get out of there before you do something you_ ' _ll regret_!

"Oh, shut up, already!" May yelled.

She took a glance back at Rogueport, which appeared to be shrinking as she swam further out to catch up to the ship, before turning her attention back to the schooner. She could hear the calls of seagulls as she swam. As she continued, however, she found herself becoming tired. Not only was the water so filthy, but her strength was ebbing away, as she started feeling sick from having not eaten in a while. She began slowing down in exhaustion.

"Ed…" she sighed weakly.

Before much longer, she abruptly jerked to a stop. She flapped her arms wildly to keep from touching the water face-first again. She looked around and discovered the reason for her sudden stop – something had caught onto her shoe.

May caught the sight of something round, penetrating the surface.

"What the? What is this, a buoy?" she asked herself.

She suddenly felt a sharp pain attack her foot, and screamed as she realized what had caught her: "AAAAAH! MONSTER!"

The monster that had attacked May was a rather cylindrical-looking creature floating on the surface, with large beastly fangs, small fins, red scales, and menacing eyes. It was _Super Mario Bros_. _3_ 's infamous Boss Bass. May kicked and kicked until the aquatic beast finally released her.

 _Now do you see what you_ ' _ve gotten yourself into_? the voice cackled.

"Who are you? Why are you tormenting me?" May shouted.

She found herself losing sight of the S.S. Flavion, but her current situation was worse: At least five more Boss Basses from _Super Mario Bros_. _3_ began circling her menacingly, eyeing their potential meal.

"AAAAH!" she screamed. "SOMEBODY HELP!"

 _You need help_ , _you say_? the voice told her cryptically. _Then_ , _will you come with me_?

"WHATEVER, JUST HELP ME!" May screamed.

The blond Kanker sister heard the sound of sinister cackling and began shivering as the environment around her immediate vicinity experienced a sudden drop in temperature. In the freezing cold, she fell unconscious, and everything went black…

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Quiet, lovelies. The girl is awakening," the same voice rang out. "Assume your positions."

May groaned and opened her eyes as she regained consciousness. She was drenched, filthy, and freezing from the ocean water. What bothered her most, though, was that she had no idea where she was now. As she struggled to train her eyes so that she could make out some designs and shapes in the darkness, she appeared to be in a rather musty chamber with a hard stone floor.

"Where am I?" she asked, slowly climbing to her feet.

"You're with us, little girl," came the voice again.

May wheeled around and discovered three pairs of eyes staring back at her. Two sets of eyes glowed menacingly in the dark – a blue set and a yellow set. The third set of eyes was red, but were glowing very dimly. She balled her hands into tight fists to steel herself.

"We've come for you, dear," said the voice of the blue-eyed figure, the same one who had been taunting May from the harbor.

"Who are you? Are you working for those X-freaks who kidnapped me and my sisters?" she demanded.

"I shan't tell a lie; yes, we are the same – or at least, two of us are," the blue-eyed figure cackled. "But why do you care so much? Those sisters of yours are pure garbage. I believe the term Sir Grodus used was 'trashy.'"

This comment, combined with her current situation, put May at wit's end. Surprisingly, amid the surprise ambush of Boss Basses in the ocean, she didn't lose the laser gun she had stolen from Drucker back at the Fortress. She whipped out the weapon and aimed it at the three figures.

"Come now, really? You think you can harm us?" the blue-eyed voice taunted. "You cannot possibly even touch us. You're just as helpless and foolish as your so-called sisters."

May had enough. She began firing the weapon at a rapid pace. The lasers from the weapon ricocheted off of the three shady figures and bounced off of the chamber's walls as well. As the noise grew deafeningly loud, smoke and dust began to pick up. She let out a long, angry scream as she fired the weapon at increasingly rapid rates. It was about ten seconds before she ceased her yelling and firing. Her heavy breathing could be heard echoing throughout the chamber. When the dust faded and the smoke cleared, however, the three figures remained where they stood, completely unaffected, as if nothing happened.

"What?!" May gasped.

The three shadowy figures approached her, revealing their appearances as they closed in. The blue eyed figure was none other than Beldam, leader of the Shadow Sirens. The yellow-eyed figure was her sister, Marilyn. The red-eyed figure was new and unrecognizable to May, though she did hear from Marie about the Shadow Sirens, so she recognized Beldam and Marilyn.

Beldam approached the blond Kanker sister rapidly as May continued firing the gun, stopping only when Beldam reached point-blank range. At this proximity, May threw a punch and connected with the blue-hatted Shadow Siren, but she remained unaffected and did not react at all – it was like punching a rock. With an angry shout, May threw another punch, but Beldam intercepted the attack by "catching" the punch in her hand, then using the same hand to twist May's arm. May screamed and fell to the floor, while Beldam picked up Drucker's laser gun and aimed it at the blond Kanker sister.

"Are you quite sure this is how you want it to end?" Beldam sneered.

"Do your worst, witch," May fired back defiantly.

"What is this I detect?" Beldam cackled. "No attempt to free yourself? No more determination to reunite with your lost love? It's a shame, really. I thought you were different from those fools you call sisters."

May gasped. "How'd you know about my Big Ed?"

"Doesn't quite matter, really," Beldam told her. "What matters is, now we can finally get down to brass tacks." Beldam removed the gun from May's face as the blond Kanker climbed to her feet.

"Why would I deal with you? The witches who kidnapped me and my sisters?" May spat.

"Sisters. Hah. Do you really need those wretches?" Beldam said. "I mean face it – all your life, you've been looked down on by them as their inferior. They treat you like week-old trash. In a way, you're sort of the Vivian in their lives. While I do intend to make Vivian pay for _her_ betrayal, _you_ should be glad that you're free of your so-called 'sisters.'"

"How could you possibly know something like that?" May demanded to know.

"Is that really any concern of yours?" Beldam fired back sinisterly. "The only thing you need to care about is… what did you call him again? Big Ed? Yes, you should focus on finding him. We can help you there."

Beldam held out her hand, awaiting a handshake.

"Why would I let you help me?" May inquired suspiciously.

"I saved you from certain death. You owe me," Beldam countered. "I know where your Big Ed is. I can arrange it so that the two of you can reunite. In return, you need only do what I say."

"I don't trust you," May told her bluntly.

"Well, that's to be expected. Trust is something that must be built over time," Beldam explained. "But no one actually _has_ time. Even now, as we speak, for all we know, your beloved Ed could be in terrible condition. No one knows for sure just how much longer he might last out there."

Beldam knew just what to say, as May now looked worried. "I… I'm listening."

The blue-hatted Shadow Siren leader returned Drucker's laser gun to May, who took it back in her hand.

"See, dearie?" Beldam said to her. "It takes time to trust."

"So… what do I need to do to get my Big Ed back?" May inquired nervously.

"Patience, dear… it's May Kanker, right?" Beldam inquired. "Sir Grodus told me about you and your so-called foolish sisters. Before you can even think about reuniting back together, you must first train with us; learn some new techniques. You're quite strong." Beldam removed her hat, revealing both her untidy blue hair and the hole in her hat inflicted from May haphazardly firing Drucker's laser gun. "However, in your current state, you're not strong enough to reach him. Come with me, and I can make you perfect. Stronger. Faster. _Smarter_. I can give you the power you require to reach your dear Ed, and it shall be all right." Again, the blue-hatted Siren extended her hand, awaiting a handshake. May stared questioningly at it. Marilyn and Doopliss watched the bargain unfold, but remained silent and still. Trembling, May reached out her own hand and shook Beldam's hand.

"Okay," May told her.

"Excellent. The deal is sealed," Beldam sneered. After a five-second handshake, Beldam and May released their grips. "Come with me, May Kanker. We have much work to do now."

"Where are you taking me?" May asked her.

"There will be no questions," Beldam told her warningly as they walked. May gave her a nod in response.

As Beldam and May approached a set of doors, Marilyn and Doopliss opened the doors, allowing the outside light to pour in.

"When we proceed through these doors, you will be addressing me as 'Master.' Now come, my apprentice," Beldam said sinisterly.

The blue-hatted Siren exited the chamber into the light, followed closely by May Kanker, her new apprentice. Marilyn and Doopliss exchanged a brief nod with one another before following them, closing the doors behind them and returning the chamber to darkness…

 **End of Part Five**


	42. 4-12: Ancient Talismans

**Fourth Intermission**

 **Part 6: Ancient Talismans**

It had been roughly between forty-five and sixty minutes since the S.S. Flavion had set sail from Rogueport to Keelhaul Key. Already, Rogueport had become but a mere speck on the horizon by now. Flavio stood at the helm of the ship, his hair (or perhaps his wig) blowing in the sea breeze.

"Ah, the majestic ocean," he proclaimed. "For too long, Flavio has strayed from adventure in favor of a life of lazy luxury. Yet now, here we are, embarking on a grand treasure hunt. Flavio can barely contain his excitement!"

"To think we'd be part of a bona fide treasure-hunting expedition," the Toad sailor chimed in.

Flavio turned his attention to Admiral Bobbery at the wheel of the ship as the salty Bob-omb steered the large schooner with relative ease, despite his apparent lack of arms and hands.

"Maintain a straight course there, Admiral," Flavio told him. "As we are now, we should make landfall at Keelhaul Key in roughly two days' time."

"Aye, aye," Bobbery replied.

"Aye, I gotta swab below decks," the Toad sailor chimed in before going below decks.

Edd and his friends were rather excited about this voyage as well. Nazz loved the thrill of adventure, as did Rolf and their new friends. Jimmy had gotten seasick within the first half hour and was being tended to below decks by Eduardo Junior and Pa-Patch, but that did not make the pale little boy any less excited. Eddy, however, was the most excited of all of them, for obvious reasons.

"Man, just think about it, Sockhead!" he chuckled. "Once we find this treasure, I'm gonna be rich! Swimmin' in moolah! Rollin' in hay!"

"Eddy, please, calm down and control yourself," Edd chastised. "We still have two days before making landfall."

"Oh, puh-lease, Double-D, I don't need the criticism," Eddy replied nonchalantly as he made his way to the ship's bow.

"Where's Eddy going?" Goombella inquired.

"Where else? To find trouble," Nazz said, getting up. "I'm getting hungry. I'm gonna, like, grab something to eat below decks."

"Yo, Nazz, mind if I join?" Kevin asked her. "I haven't had anything to eat since we got here."

"You just ate this morning, Shovelchin!" Eddy fired back loudly from his position near the bow.

"Can it, dork!" Kevin shouted back.

"C'mon, Kev, let it go and come eat with me," Nazz chided him. She and Kevin went below decks to the ship's galley for food as Eddy maneuvered all the way to the tip of the bow.

"Aye, 'tis a breathtakin' view there, lad, is it not?" Bobbery called to Eddy from the wheel.

"Is he reenacting an iconic scene from _Titanic_?" Edd said quietly to himself.

"Eddy, what are you doing up there?" Goombella called to the shortest Ed boy.

"What's it look like, babe? Keepin' an eye out for this Keelhaul place," Eddy called back.

"Uh-huh. It's still too far away for you to see it," the Goomba scholar told him. However, this fell on deaf ears as Eddy ignored her. Instead, he jumped and grabbed onto the rail of the bow so he could see over it.

"Man," he chuckled. "I gotta admit, this is so much better than my sailing scam."

Edd chuckled to himself. For once, it seemed, Eddy was right. At the present moment, it was, as Eddy would say, "smooth sailing." The calm ocean breeze and the clear blue of the sky seemed to promise good fortune, though the sun was obscured by the rather oversized sail on the ship's mast.

"I must admit, while this vessel does appear rather 18th-century colonial, it is quite the marvel to behold," he noted.

"Pardonez-moi, but Madame shall retire now to below deck," piped up Madame Flurrie.

"But Madame, don't you want to absorb the lovely weather? The calm ocean breeze, the cloudless blue skies, the quiet surf?" Edd inquired of her.

"Madame would love to, but alas, ze young Monsieur Jimmy is quite ill avec ze seasickness," Flurrie told him as she made her way to the door leading below decks. "Madame must tend to him."

"Oh, dear, poor Jimmy," Edd said, truly concerned for the pale, frail little boy. "May I offer my assistance in any way for him?"

Flurrie smiled. "Ah, merci beaucoup, Monsieur Eddward. Vous are trés kind. But non for now, merci, Madame has zis under control." She then made her way to the stairs that led below deck, heading for the infirmary to tend to the seasick Jimmy.

Flavio, in the meantime, relaxed in his chair near the steering wheel, drinking a fancy imported tea with a lemon wedge and a small umbrella in his glass.

"Mister Flavio," said Four-Eyes, the horned sailor. "We're now moving at nineteen knots and steadily increasing."

"Excellent, sailor, you are all doing a fine job," Flavio told him, taking a sip of his tea. Bobbery, who was steering, rolled his eyes.

Eddy, meanwhile, had climbed onto the rail of the bow and leaned his head over the side to get a nice view of the salty ocean water splashing against the ship as it cruised, with an excited shout of "Whoo-hoo!"

"Eddy, please exercise caution, lest you fall overboard!" Edd called to him worriedly.

"Oh, he'll be fine, Double-D," Goombella told the sock-headed boy somewhat nonchalantly.

Sure enough, Edd's earlier comment was realized as Eddy raised both arms up at his sides, partially reenacting the scene from _Titanic_ where Jack and Rose held a secret rendezvous on the bow of the ship.

"Whooooo-hoooo! I'm king of the world!" he exclaimed.

"Puh-lease, you're not even king of the cul-de-sac," Edd chuckled quietly. While this went unheard by Eddy, this comment incited a chuckle from - and some curiosity in - Vivian, who was standing right next to Edd and turned to face him.

"This cul-de-sac you come from… it's ruled by a monarch?" she asked him.

"Well, not exactly," Edd told her. "You see, one time over the summer, we held a competition. An election, to be specific. You understand what an election is, right?"

" _Yeeeeessss_ ," she droned, somewhat insulted by that comment. "I do know what an election is, thanks."

"My apologies if I offended you," Edd apologized.

"Don't worry about it," she assured him. "You were saying?"

"Ah, yes, last summer, we held an election to decide who would become king of the cul-de-sac," Edd explained.

Vivian raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Double-D, kings and queens aren't exactly _elected_."

"Well, Eddy certainly thought otherwise," Edd told her. "He became jealous that he wasn't getting the respect and admiration he thought he deserved, so he ran in this election for king of the cul-de-sac."

Edd began chuckling, prompting Vivian to ask, "How did it play out?"

"Well…" he laughed. "He lost… to a 2x4 wooden plank with a face drawn on it."

Vivian and Edd both burst out laughing.

"He lost to a hunk of wood?" laughed the Siren. "That is so funny!"

"Oh, if you thought that was funny, you should've seen Eddy on some of the other days," Edd chuckled. "For example, one particular day, Eddy was going through this phase where the only thing on his mind was 'up.'"

"Up?" Vivian asked, raising her eyebrow again.

"Yes, up," Edd snickered. "It all began on a rather sunny summer day in the cul-de-sac. I was trying to teach Ed about mazes, so I had set up this intricate maze that he had to navigate to retrieve the prize at the end, which was a box of our favorite breakfast cereal, Chunky Puffs – part of a balanced breakfast. I explained to him that he had to go through the maze successfully to reach and claim his prize. Of course, Ed doesn't quite have a firm grasp on how mazes work, and so he wound up literally _going through_ the maze – as in, he ran right through the cardboard walls and devoured his Chunky Puffs, box and all. After I chastised Ed, that's when Eddy appeared and revealed that his scam of the day was to go 'nowhere but up...'"

Unbeknownst to them, their conversation didn't go unnoticed: Koops had spotted Edd and Vivian as the two continued to laugh and shoot the breeze, and the teenaged Koopa couldn't help but smile. He turned to face Rolf, who was standing next to him but looking in another direction.

"Hey, Rolf, check it out," Koops told the blue-haired youth. "Those two are really hitting it off."

"Hm? What say you, turtle-shell lad?" Rolf inquired.

"Over there," Koops clarified, directing Rolf's gaze to Edd and Vivian. As it registered in Rolf's head that Edd was carrying on a chuckle-worthy conversation with a _Shadow Siren_ and sharing details about their lives in the Peach Creek cul-de-sac, he began to seethe in anger.

"Why does brainy Ed-boy insist on niceties with the witch-girl?" he growled. "She makes Rolf sick."

"What?" Koops inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"See with your own eyes what Rolf sees, turtle-shell boy," Rolf continued. "Head-and-sock Ed-boy has become smitten with the evil witch-girl! This is a travesty!"

"What do you mean, 'a travesty?'" Koops asked him.

"Of all of those with whom to become smitten, he has made a grave mistake in becoming smitten with the evil witch," Rolf growled.

"Dude, you got it all wrong. She's not evil," Koops told him. "I don't think she ever really was."

"Poppycock!" Rolf snapped. "Open your eyes, turtle-shell-boy! The brainy Ed-boy is setting himself up for disaster."

" _Breathe_ , Rolf. Maybe we're just blowing this out of proportion," Koops assured him. "Maybe there's nothing going on between them. Maybe she's just depressed and he's trying to comfort her, like he did for me back in Petalburg when I was depressed."

Rolf cursed in his native Old Country tongue and walked away, scowling. Koops just sighed.

"That guy's got issues," he said quietly to himself. "But I'm not gonna let that ruin my excitement."

Koops turned away from Rolf and redirected his gaze back to Edd and Vivian as they continued their conversation about Eddy's failed "corporate" business venture.

"…and so, we ended up following Ed atop his reversion of my makeshift 'office' elevator," Edd continued, laughing. "To this day I'm befuddled that it managed to hold, but somehow we wound up penetrating the atmosphere, stretching as far as the moon. Right then and there, all we wanted was to go back _down_."

"All the way to the moon?" Vivian laughed. "My, so the atmosphere in your dimension must be quite thin compared to the atmosphere in this world."

Edd and Vivian continued to chuckle for a bit and sighed, after which Vivian's mood became rather serious.

"Listen," she whispered. "Do you mind if we go below decks? I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, what about?" Edd asked.

She responded by gesturing to her forehead, then to his.

"That, under your hat," she told him softly.

"Oh," Edd said nervously. "Of course."

XXX000XXX000XXX

The sock-headed boy and the kind-natured Shadow Siren made their way below decks and through the hallway, passing by a few sailors who appeared too busy to acknowledge their presence. Eventually they passed by the dining hall where Kevin and Nazz were having breakfast. Kevin looked up and caught a glimpse of Edd and Vivian out in the hall.

"Yo, Nazz, check it out," he said, directing her gaze to the Siren and the scientifically-minded youth outside.

Nazz followed Kevin's gaze and saw Edd and Vivian in the hallway. She sighed, but said nothing, her gaze fixated on Edd. Kevin held out a cup of Chuckola Cola to her as an offering.

"Soda?" he asked her.

"No thanks," she replied, her gaze still fixated on Edd and Vivian. It seemed that she was becoming jealous, but Kevin didn't seem to pick up on it.

"Hey, hey," he called out, trying to grab her attention. Nazz looked away from Edd and back toward Kevin, looking down.

"So Double-Dork has a new friend or something. It's no big deal," Kevin said. "What's up?"

"Nothing… nothing's up, Kev," she said, with a very subtle tinge of irritation and melancholy undetected by Kevin as she picked up her fork and resumed eating her meal.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Vivian led Edd to her cabin in the lodging quarters below decks and quickly pulled him inside with her before closing and locking the door behind her. Edd, upon noticing just where it is that she brought him to, became quite nervous.

"Well, now that we're in your cabin, what's troubling you, Vivian?" he asked her.

"Are we alone?" she asked him with a very serious expression on her face.

Edd looked around the room, which was devoid of other crewmates and passengers besides himself and Vivian.

"It appears so," he replied. "May I ask why you've brought me to your quarters?"

Vivian quickly ran around the room, closing each window and their respective drapes to darken the room before switching on the overhead light and approaching him.

"Please… remove your hat," she told him.

Edd formed a serious expression on his face. "You're asking an emotionally difficult task of me."

"Back in Twilight Town, I've seen it before, but that was back when that Doopliss creature had reduced you to a mere silhouette," she replied, troubled. "I just need to check something."

Edd sighed and reluctantly slowly removed his hat, letting his medium-length hair come out.

"What's the matter?" he asked her.

"It's about the metallic rune on your forehead," she told him.

"You mean…?" he asked, parting the hair in front of his forehead to reveal the metal coin embedded atop his forehead, above his eyebrows.

"Yes," she replied firmly. "I didn't say anything about it before, but what you possess there is a talisman dating back to ancient times."

"Pardon?" Edd inquired.

"Have you seen the eye symbol carved into it?" she asked, pointing at a nearby mirror by the bed. Edd gazed at his reflection in the mirror and saw for himself the eye symbol carved into the rune that was embedded in his forehead.

"Yes," he said.

"That talisman has a name," she told him. "It's known as the Eye of Wisdom."

"Eye of Wisdom…?"

At last, Edd knew now just what it was he had in his forehead that he always concealed beneath his hat, and with this knowledge, he needed to know more.

"I wanted to tell you at the Twilight Chapel, but I couldn't, because we weren't alone," Vivian continued. "Then I wanted to tell you again last night, but your friend Eddy walked in on us before I could bring up the topic. But what you possess, the Eye of Wisdom, is a talisman of great power dating back to the era of the ancient city that rests beneath Rogueport."

"Come again?" Edd asked her, shocked. "This is a relic from 1,000 years ago? But how can this be? For as long as I can remember, even during my toddler years, I've had this plate embedded in my forehead. It's why I wear the hat, to conceal it from curious eyes. And up until recently, I've never come into any form of contact with this world… despite all this, are you implying that, all along, I've been connected with this dimension, this ancient city beneath Rogueport, and its entire history?"

"That talisman is one in a set of three in existence," Vivian continued. "There's the Eye of Wisdom, the Crown of Might, and the Charm of Life. I know all that I know about them."

Vivian now had Edd's full attention. The sock-headed boy had just found out that throughout his life, he had borne a connection to a dimension that he never knew existed until recently, and that he had been popping up in the prophetic dreams of a being that he had never met until now. This, combined with his newfound fire abilities and the things he'd seen and heard that could not be explained away by even the best and brightest scientific minds, only heightened his desire to know more. Edd faced away from the mirror and stared the Siren directly in the eyes.

"Please, Vivian, I implore you," he told her firmly and curiously. "…Tell me more."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Unbeknownst to Edd and Vivian, they weren't as alone as they had thought: Eddy had caught a glance at them back above decks and discreetly followed them to Vivian's quarters. From outside, he had his face pressed against the door, his eye staring through the peephole, so he could eavesdrop and ascertain the true status of his friend's relationship with the Shadow Siren. He snickered as he watched the conversation unfold. Eventually, he heard footsteps nearby and turned to find a disturbed Rolf making his way down the hall. Rolf, in the meantime, had become stressed out amid recent events.

"Hey Rolfie, c'mere and check this out!" Eddy half-whispered to call Rolf over.

"Snake-in-the-grass Ed-boy? What radish do you rile now?" Rolf asked him. "Life's too short not to smell the parsnip."

"Yeah, yeah, details," Eddy dismissively replied. "Just check this out! Sockhead's in there with that Vivian chick."

"What?!" Rolf snapped, approaching Eddy. "Urgh, why must the large-brained Ed-boy become smitten with the evil witch of all frauen?"

"Who cares?" Eddy replied. "They're in there talkin' about some 'Eye of Wisdom' whatchamahoozit."

"Eye of Wisdom?!" This definitely got Rolf's attention.

"Yeah, see for yourself, Stretch," Eddy said, moving aside. Rolf approached the door to view through the peephole, and was aghast at what he saw.

"Son of a gun!" he half-whispered, shocked. "The Ed-boy has removed his hat!"

XXX000XXX000XXX

"…And to fortify and consolidate her dominion over the world, the demon queen crafted three talismans of incredible power. The Crown, the Charm, and the Eye," Vivian continued. "She kept the Crown for herself as a symbol of her rule, and entrusted the Charm and the Eye to her most trusted servants."

"I see," Edd responded, his mind still struggling to absorb this influx of information. "Please, tell me more."

"It's said that whoever possesses even one of the talismans can wield magic powers beyond their wildest imagination," she stated. "I believe that's why I was able to pass my own magic powers on to you, Double-D."

"Does that make you the keeper of the Charm of Life, then?" Edd inquired.

"No. I'm a Shadow Siren; I was born with my magic powers," Vivian clarified. "No one knows for sure what happened to the demon queen, but a bout of ill fortune apparently led to her downfall. Her two most loyal servants, the former keepers of the Charm and the Eye, attempted to defend themselves, only to be destroyed by the same vanguard that was said to have been responsible for the demon queen's fall from absolute power. In an attempt to prevent this cataclysm from repeating itself, the vanguard chose to keep the talismans separate from one another, among two different dimensions…"

Edd softly touched the metallic talisman on his forehead as Vivian continued: "It seems the Eye of Wisdom was sent to your dimension. As for how it came to have become embedded in your forehead in the first place… that knowledge still evades me."

"And what became of the remaining talismans?" Edd asked her attentively and with a hint of nervousness.

"The Charm of Life remained in this dimension," Vivian replied. "Its whereabouts are unknown to me."

"And the Crown of Might?"

"No one knows."

"What should I do with this Eye of Wisdom, then?" Edd asked her.

"A thousand years ago, during our era, these three talismans were destined to belong to three individuals chosen by them, based on their most prominent characteristics," she explained to him. "Whoever was chosen to hold these talismans could wield powers beyond their wildest dreams."

"So in _this_ day and age… I'm destined to bear the Eye of Wisdom?"

"Correct. Before, you could not wield magic of any kind, but the Eye allowed me to share some of my own powers with you; particularly, the ability to command the element of flame."

"Then we need to take into consideration the bearers of the remaining talismans," Edd told her.

"No one knows that information," Vivian replied. "Before, your spell casting wasn't as strong. But, if you allow the Eye of Wisdom to 'see' what's happening rather than hide it underneath your hat, your powers would grow exponentially. Though I fear that at such a magnitude, these powers would become too powerful to remain under your command, and if you don't end up killing _yourself_ with all that power, you'd most likely end up killing others. My recommendation would be that you keep the Eye concealed as necessary, for your own safety as well as that of your friends and loved ones."

"I concur completely, Vivian," Edd responded. "While Ed and Eddy have seen the rune themselves before already, they, along with those who haven't seen it for themselves, must still remain unaware of its capabilities for their own safety. By the way, pardon me for asking so many questions, but how is it that you know about this?"

"While my sister Beldam never explained it to me directly, I overheard her one night discussing it with Marilyn," Vivian replied. "I pieced it together from there."

Edd placed his hat back on his head, covering up the Eye of Wisdom again. The two sat in silence for a short while as Edd's mind tried to absorb this information deluge. Soon, the sock-headed boy spoke again, this time in an attempt to change the subject.

"Are you famished at all?" he asked her.

"A little bit," she replied.

"Would you like to join me for refreshment in the dining hall?"

"Sure, I'd love to."

Edd and Vivian smiled at each other, signifying that they could place their trust in one another, before Vivian reopened the window drapes and the two friends approached the door.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"They're coming!" Eddy whispered. He pulled Rolf away from the door as the lock clicked. The door opened, and Edd and Vivian exited the room to find themselves face to face with a curious Eddy and a glowering Rolf.

"Eddy? What, may I ask, are you doing here?" he chided demandingly. "I do sincerely hope you weren't eavesdropping!"

"Eavesdropping?" Eddy playfully inquired. "Naw, Sockhead, I wasn't eavesdropping. I was, uh… lookin' for the dining room."

"You bypassed that room on the way," Edd clarified for him. "Traverse back through this hallway, through the way you came, and keep an eye out for the large sign that reads 'Dining Hall.'"

"Oh, right," he chuckled. "Thanks, Sockhead."

Eddy left the area and set off in the direction of the dining hall, leaving Edd and Vivian to now answer to Rolf.

"And you, Rolf?" Edd asked him. "What, may I ask, were you doing outside the bedroom door?"

"What was head-and-sock Ed-boy doing with the witch-girl?" Rolf retorted snappily.

"That's nothing of your concern, Rolf," Edd chastised.

"And I'm not a witch, I'm a _sorceress_ ," Vivian added. "There's a difference."

Rolf watched, annoyed, as Edd and Vivian walked away from him and followed Eddy to the dining hall, glowering and diving into his thoughts all the way. _Rolf knew the witch-girl cannot be trusted_ …

 **End of Part Six**


	43. 4-13: Ember Attack!

**Fourth Intermission**

 **Part 7: Ember Attack!**

The first day aboard the S.S. Flavion proved rather relaxing and uneventful; the waters were calm and the ship sailed smoothly, even through the overnight hours. The next morning proved to be almost the same, so naturally, everyone aboard the vessel had a good feeling that they would arrive at Keelhaul Key safely as scheduled. The sun was setting over the ocean's horizon, providing a beautiful, gradient-like mixture of yellow, orange, red, and purple in the sky. Flavio stood on the deck next to Admiral Bobbery, who was steering the ship.

"I say, we got us a spectacular sunset this evenin'," Bobbery remarked.

"That must be nature's way of wishing Flavio good luck," Flavio stated. "I can just smell the good fortune. No pun intended."

One of the crewmen arrived on decks as Flavio took a deep breath, only to cough from taking in the salty air.

"Pardon me, Mr. Flavio?" he called.

"Yes, yeoman?" Flavio responded.

"I thought you'd like to know that dinner is being served below decks in the dining hall," said the yeoman.

"Ah, splendid. Flavio shall be there in a jiff," replied the pompous businessman. He then turned to face Bobbery and said to him: "Bobbery, if you care to anchor the ship here for the time being, you're more than welcome to join us for an evening meal."

"I thank yeh, young Flavio, but nay, thank'ee, I must keep the ol' girl on a steady course," Bobbery replied.

"Ah, yes, of course. I just thought I'd ask," Flavio said. "You are a dedicated sailor, Admiral Bobbery. Remind me to pay you well for your contributions."

Flavio and his yeoman made their way below decks, leaving Bobbery at the wheel to steer.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Kevin stood outside the door to Nazz's cabin and knocked.

"Nazz? You comin'?" he called.

The door opened, and Kevin was surprised at the sight. There stood Nazz, wearing a beautiful black dress that extended to her feet. She looked positively beautiful, like a true homecoming queen.

"Whoa," Kevin marveled, blushing. "You look, heh-heh… totally rad."

"Thanks," Nazz replied. "I like to dress up for formal occasions."

Kevin looked up and down at Nazz, and couldn't help but feel captivated by her stunning beauty. He then looked down at himself – he was still dressed in his usual attire, consisting of his usual green long-sleeved shirt, his black athletic shorts, and his red cap.

"Uh… yeah, me too," he brushed off. "Ready?"

Kevin hesitantly took Nazz's hand in his and led her over to the dining hall. They arrived to find it quite packed. All of the sailors were enjoying the feast – that is, save for the crew members directly responsible for piloting the schooner. Edd, Eddy, Vivian, Goombella, and Eduardo Junior sat at a nearby table shooting the breeze; Mario was forced to put up with Madame Flurrie at another table close to the buffet table, while Jimmy had recovered from his seasickness and was currently talking with Koops over their meal at a table situated near the main galley.

"So, like, where do ya wanna sit, Nazz?" Kevin asked her.

"How about over there?" she replied, pointing over to Edd's table.

"Really? With the dorks?" Kevin remarked derisively.

"Oh, lighten up, Kev," she replied just as derisively, leading him over to Edd's table. Eddy saw this coming and haughtily turned away from Kevin.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Wow, Jimmy, these are really impressive," Koops complimented, looking through Jimmy's sketchpad and marveling at the young artist's handiwork.

"Why, thank you," Jimmy replied kindly.

After a few seconds, Koops found himself staring at a very detailed drawing of a familiar scene. In this picture, Koops's back was to Jimmy, but he appeared to be talking to Nazz while Flavio was singing away in the background; this was the scene at Podley's, the day before they had left for Glitzville. While they were waiting for their meals that day, Jimmy had grown bored and decided to pass the time drawing what was in front of him.

"Was this back before we went to Glitzville?" Koops asked him.

"Yep!" Jimmy said.

"This is really… amazing!" Koops marveled. "I appreciate your attention to the subtlest of details and nuances."

"Artists always have to expand their horizons," Jimmy told him.

After a few seconds of staring at this drawing, Koops flipped the page again, and found another detailed drawing, this time of a white-furred unicorn with a sky-blue mane and a horn that was colored to look like it was made of pearl. The teenaged Koopa smiled again at just how beautifully it was depicted.

"Wow, this is a very pretty… horse," he told Jimmy.

"That's a unicorn," Jimmy clarified. "It's my favoritest fairy-tale creature."

"Well, it's still very beautifully drawn," Koops complimented him.

"Thank you, Koops," Jimmy replied, smiling. "Unicorns are my specialty."

"I hope I get to see more of this art sometime," Koops said, handing the sketchpad back to Jimmy as they shifted their focus to their meals.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Rolf declined to join the others in the dining hall and instead remained in his cabin, sulking and seething simultaneously. He had been through quite the emotional rollercoaster these past few days, and decided to spend this time alone to gather his thoughts and emotions, though it seemed the presence of Vivian the Shadow Siren among their group of friends had left him internally enraged. In particular, what he'd heard about the Eye of Wisdom left him quite rattled. Dinner sounded appetizing, and yes, all of his friends were there, but that meant that Vivian would be there as well, and Rolf wanted nothing to do with her at all.

 _The Eye of Wisdom_ , he thought to himself. _Of all of the persons Rolf had met_ , _Rolf should have known all along that Double-D-Ed-Boy bore the accursed Eye_. _The Vivian-witch-girl is making a Merry Andrew of us all_ , _and no false apologies from her can mask the truth_.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Compared to the dinner party going on below decks, the atmosphere on the main deck remained relatively quiet as the sunset gradually turned to night. There were some clouds rolling in, too, and were close to obscuring the moon in its waxing gibbous phase. As Bobbery continued to steer the vessel, two sailors – Ralph T. the Toad, and Pa-Patch the Bob-omb – were atop the crow's nest.

"I'm just sayin', I'm famished, too," Ralph T. groaned. "We could be down there eating dinner with everyone else, but _noooooo_. We're stuck up here staring at nothing."

"Aye, but 'tis our job to keep a look-out, matey," Pa-Patch scolded him.

This soon devolved into a bickering match.

"But why the both of us?"

"Cap'n's orders."

"Ay, dear Neptune."

"I heard that. Don't yeh be disrespectin' the Cap'n now."

"Oh, come on, Pa-Patch. You tellin' me you ain't hungry?"

"O' course I am, but I be followin' orders."

"Now see, that's your problem; you're such a yes-man."

"Oh, shut up!" This time, however, Pa-Patch developed a tone of worry in his voice.

"Seriously, what's the big deal?" Ralph T. countered, oblivious to the sudden change of tone.

"Look out."

"Yeah, that's the job we were stuck with."

"Nay! I mean, look out _there_!"

"What the devil you talkin'-"

Pa-Patch cut him off and directed Ralph T.'s gaze out in front of the ship, off in the distance. Ralph T. raised the binoculars in front of his eyes, and through them, caught sight of something off in the distance – something enormous, glowing a very ominous blue, out in front of the ship. They appeared to be getting closer, too…

"Presence off the port bow!"

After this shout, Ralph T. immediately pressed a nearby button on the side of the mast, activating warning sirens throughout the ship.

XXX000XXX000XXX

The sirens blared throughout the ship, interrupting the feast in the dining hall.

"Hey, man, what gives?!" Kevin asked.

"It's probably nothing, Shovelchin, just shut up," Eddy retorted.

"You don't know that, Eddy!" Eduardo Junior scolded.

"I'm scared, Koops!" Jimmy screamed, quickly stowing his sketchpad away and tightly hugging the teen-aged Koopa for support.

"People, people, please!" Flavio shouted. "Keep calm, I'm going to check."

With this, Flavio left his seat and dashed out of the dining hall en route to the main deck.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Go, go, go!"

Pa-Patch and Ralph T. descended the rope ladder back onto the main deck, and were greeted by Bobbery.

"Aye, what's wrong?" he asked them.

"There's something up ahead!" Ralph T. told him. "Here, take a look for yourself!"

Borrowing Ralph T.'s binoculars, Bobbery gazed through them in the direction that the Toad sailor was talking about, and gasped.

"EMBERS OFF THE PORT BOW!"

"What?!" Ralph T. gasped. "Embers? Are you sure, Admiral?"

"I can ne'er mistake an Ember," Bobbery told him.

"Admiral! Course of action?" Pa-Patch asked frantically.

"Ralph T! Hard to port!" Bobbery shouted.

Understanding the seafaring Bob-omb's command, Ralph T. immediately seized the wheel and steered the ship as hard and fast as he could while Pa-Patch returned to the crow's nest. As he did so, Bobbery dashed madly to the ship's bow to see with his own eyes the spectral menace that was quickly advancing on the ship.

"These Embers be doin' what, I ask?" Bobbery asked himself.

A loud clicking noise was suddenly heard.

"Admiral! Helm's hard over!" Ralph T. called.

"Excellent! Hold her steady now!" Bobbery called back.

By now, Flavio reached the main deck in confusion, asking the question, "What is going on up here? Sirens are blaring and everyone's in a panic!"

"We're redirectin' hard to port!" Bobbery called to him. "We need to steer her clear o' the Embers!"

Bobbery directed Flavio's gaze to the Embers, who had now arrived at their target. The Embers presented themselves as blue wisps of flame with menacing yellow eyes. Flavio's eyes widened immediately; at this point, the ship reacted accordingly to Ralph T.'s frantic wheel-steering as it turned, rather slowly, intent on docking at port.

"The S.S. Flavion is a sturdy old gal," Flavio said, trying to remain positive. "Even if we're hit, I'm sure she can take it."

"That's a risk we cannot take!" Bobbery shouted back.

The crown of Embers went on the move again, this time back into the ship's path and engaging the ship directly.

"What the- Let me guess, hard to port?" Flavio called.

"Aye aye!" Ralph T. called back.

As Bobbery studied the Embers' motions, a horrifying realization struck him: "They're gonna hit us!"

"Oh, me, oh, my, what do we do?!" Flavio yelled.

"Ralph! Try 'n starboard 'round 'em!" Bobbery ordered.

Ralph T. immediately began steering frantically, trying to avoid the Embers, but Flavio's panicked reaction made it clear that even this move would prove hopeless. Bobbery knew this, too, and sighed.

"This is horrible! We're not gonna make it!" Flavio wailed.

"Brace, brace, brace!" Bobbery shouted as the Embers advanced.

Not long after this order was given, the Embers finally made direct contact with the ship, striking it with such force that it jerked violently enough to throw Bobbery, Ralph T. and Flavio down onto the floor of the deck, as well as nearly knock Pa-Patch off the crow's nest.

XXX000XXX000XXX

The impact was felt below decks, as well. The jerking of the ship upon contact with the Embers outside was enough to knock the entire dinner party out of their seats and right down to the floor. Food was sent flying around the dining hall, and tables were displaced and upended. Jimmy continued to scream, squeezing Koops for comfort.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" Nazz shouted.

"We've struck something!" Edd replied back. He climbed to his feet as best as he could and helped the still-injured Vivian to stand up before picking up a panic-stricken Eduardo Junior.

Back in his cabin, even Rolf wasn't immune to the force of the impact, which had thrown him right out of bed and scattered various decorations to the floor as well.

"Son of a shepherd!" he yelled.

He barely had time to start climbing to his feet when he suddenly heard a violent scraping sound. Suddenly, the wall began to rip apart, and the ship jerked again, more violently than before. A large hole suddenly formed in the wall, and water blasted into the cabin at jet speed.

Panicking, Rolf dashed to the door and tried to open it as water flooded the cabin at a rapid rate. Eventually, he managed to break it down, and he ran quickly down the hallway, trying to avoid the water as it rushed down the flooding hallway.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Eddy let out a surprised shout as he caught sight of the Embers passing by outside the dining hall's window.

"What the heck are those things?" he asked.

"What's happening?" Vivian asked.

"I haven't a clue!" Edd responded.

They all suddenly heard the sound of Rolf swearing in a panic using his native tongue making his way to the main deck, along with the sound of water gushing. Right then and there, as was the case with Rolf's cabin, several large holes were torn in the walls of the dining hall, flooding the room and sweeping everyone nearby off of their feet. Everyone screamed in a panic.

"EVERYONE OUT!" Koops screamed.

Screaming, the groups of passengers and sailors alike made their mad rush out of the rapidly-flooding dining hall. The hallways were in much worse shape, though, as rapid flushes of water ran through them, catching a few of the sailors in the current. It felt, to Edd at least, like a reenactment of the sinking of the RMS _Titanic_ , except it wasn't an iceberg that struck the S.S. Flavion.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"We're hit!" Ralph T. shouted.

"Now what do we do?" Flavio exclaimed.

"Get everyone up here! We need to abandon ship!" Ralph T. called back.

"That's nonsense!" Flavio exclaimed, in denial. "We can keep her going! We might be able to make it back before we sink!"

"The winds're dyin' down! We can't go another notch!" Bobbery protested. "Ralph! Go fetch everyone else!"

Ralph T. immediately complied and returned command of the wheel to Bobbery before dashing to the door below decks. He was about to descend the stairs when Edd, Mario, and their friends, along with several others, rushed out and onto the main deck.

"What is happening?" Edd shouted.

"We've been hit!" Ralph T. called.

"It was Embers that struck us!" Pa-Patch added, descending from the mast. "Anchor the vessel, raise the sails, and prepare to-"

"There's no time for that! Below decks is already underwater!" Edd interrupted.

Flavio let out an exasperated shout, as the reality finally set in that the ship was doomed.

"Very well, then! We must abandon ship immediately!" he yelled.

"Quickly!" Edd shouted. "Ready the lifeboats!"

Flavio froze. "Uh… lifeboats?"

Everyone groaned in anger, none more so than Edd and Eddy: _Flavio had forgotten the lifeboats_!

Eddy grabbed Flavio by the coat and shook him angrily. "Don't tell me you forgot to put lifeboats on this thing!"

"Well, who could have anticipated that we'd come under attack?!" Flavio fired back.

"You! Boy with the red shirt!" Pa-Patch called to Edd, grabbing the sock-headed boy's attention. "I brought yer sailboat aboard in just such a case of emergency!"

"You have?!" Edd exclaimed.

"Yeah, but it can only hold so many!" added Ralph T.

"We must retrieve it so we can abandon ship!" Edd called back.

Edd's sailboat was located near the ship's steering wheel, underneath another tarp. The sailors on deck removed the tarp from the sailboat.

"Are yeh pullin' me leg? This li'l dinghy can only hold about ten of us!" Pa-Patch griped.

"We've no other options!" Edd protested.

"Well, then, who's climbin' aboard?" Pa-Patch inquired.

"Take him!" Edd said as he helped Eduardo Junior onto the boat. Some other sailors climbed aboard the sailboat as well, including Jimmy, Goombella, and Koops.

"Women 'n children first!" Pa-Patch called.

Kevin, unknown to the Bob-omb sailor, had already climbed into the sailboat, pulling Nazz aboard with him. The sail and mast on Edd's little sailboat were currently unrigged, making the smaller vessel appear more akin to a simple rowboat.

"Hurry!" Edd called. He took Vivian by her uninjured arm and tried to help her on, but she stopped him.

"What about you? What if you don't make it?" she told him very worriedly.

"Vivian, your arm is still broken, preventing you from swimming efficiently," he told her. "I'll be fine; I can swim when I need to!"

Vivian continued to protest out of worry for Edd's safety, but Edd ignored the protests and helped her onto the sailboat. He then turned back toward the bow, where water was already passing over the main deck.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Ahoy! Anyone still be down here?!" Bobbery called below deck, in the hope that he'd find some survivors. He caught sight of Rolf dashing across the hall, past the salty Bob-omb and up the stairs to the main deck without acknowledging him. Bobbery saw that the hallways were flooded, with the waters rising rapidly, but he remained resolute and determined to find survivors.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Water began washing over the main deck, and everyone was panicking, with Pa-Patch shouting for everyone to hurry. As one sailor jumped into the tiny remains of Edd's S.S. Intelligence, the Embers performed a new move: They broke apart from their cluster and encircled the sailors and the ship, as if waiting for the ship to sink fully before attacking the defenseless crew and passengers directly. Around the same time, the ocean water finally overcame the main deck, sweeping people off of their feet and into the raging tides. In fact, the wrath of the water was so powerful that it picked up the S.S Intelligence in its current before it could be properly launched, and the little boat began to float away.

"Wait! We still have to save the others!" Nazz cried out as the boat drifted away.

"Forget 'em!" Kevin fired back. "We let any more people on here, this thing'll sink too! I ain't riskin' that!"

"Kevin! That's horrible!" Nazz spat.

"You got any better ideas?" Kevin fired back.

Some of the sailors started swimming toward the sailboat. One of them managed to reach the boat's edge and attempt to climb on, crying out for help.

"Get back!" Kevin spat. He grabbed the sailor's hands and pushed him off the rim of the boat, back into the water.

"Kevin! That's so selfish!" Nazz chided him angrily.

"You WANT to sink?" Kevin fired back at her.

Suddenly, the sound of an explosion could be heard from the half-sunken S.S. Flavion; those still aboard the ship, including Edd, screamed in fear and panic as the S.S. Flavion jerked and began to tip.

"ABANDON SHIP! SHE'S GONNA CAPSIZE!" called one of the Flavion's crew members.

The explosion from the half-sunken schooner created a rather massive wave, washing over the passengers and sailors in the water before washing over the sailboat as well. Nazz screamed as the sailboat, too, began to tip over, threatening to go the same way as the S.S. Flavion. Kevin and Nazz kept up with the violent tilt by hanging on tightly to the centerboard. Others weren't as lucky: some of the other sailors, including Koops, were thrown overboard back into the water. After a few adrenaline-filled seconds, the small boat finally leveled out, though it was now half-flooded, and about half of its own passengers remained on the boat.

"Hold the tiller! The rest of ya, bail her out!" commanded one passenger.

Kevin did so, holding the tiller to keep the small boat steady; he was thankful that Nazz managed to stay on board and keep from getting thrown off. He noticed the absence of Vivian from the vessel; she had apparently fallen out as well, though he seemed to pay no mind to it.

Edd, meanwhile, remained on the sinking S.S. Flavion with some of the other passengers, including Mario and Madame Flurrie. The ship began to lean over toward the port side, threatening to capsize.

"Madame starred in un performance like zis once," Flurrie lamented.

Edd looked over the side of the boat; he saw half of the passengers in the water, and his sailboat (which was currently acting as the only lifeboat) seemed to have problems just remaining afloat with its cargo of survivors. _Oh_ , _dear_ , he realized. _They must try to get as far away from the ship as possible_ , _otherwise if the ship capsizes_ , _it will crush us all_!

In the chaos, Eddy finally reached the sailboat after swimming frantically in the water.

"Help!" he coughed, reaching up.

Nazz saw Eddy in the water and called out to him, extending her hand to help pull him aboard.

"Nazz, are you crazy?" Kevin protested, as Eddy grabbed Nazz's hand and she helped to pull him aboard. "Leave the dork be! It's every man for themselves!"

As Nazz pulled Eddy onto the boat, Kevin rushed over and forced them apart before shoving Eddy back into the water to be swallowed by the waves. A strong current prevented Eddy from swimming back to the sailboat, and he felt himself being tossed and turned like flotsam and jetsam. As he tried to fight the current, he felt himself being thrown onto dry ground. Gasping for air, he opened his eyes, only to find himself back inside the rapidly-sinking ship, having apparently been sucked through one of the windows.

"That's it! If I make it out alive, Shovelchin's dead!" he vowed to himself.

Back outside, Kevin was still fighting off several other survivors trying to climb aboard the sailboat.

"COOL IT, KEVIN!" Nazz shouted angrily. "Have a heart for once!"

Kevin growled to himself and sat back down as more passengers climbed aboard the sailboat. With the increased weight of the cargo, the boat began to dip lower and lower beneath the surface.

Inside the ship, Eddy's anger turned to despair as he realized there was no known way out of the rapidly-flooding room he was stuck in. The door was locked, too, and there wasn't much air left. More windows began to break apart, flooding the room much further, and his screams went unheard. As the room continued to fill with water, Eddy took a deep breath, believing that it would be his last.

Ralph T. managed to resurface outside the ship. All that mattered to him now was staying alive. It was only seconds, however, before he heard the sound of snapping, like the snapping sound of a broken string on a distortion guitar.

 _Snap_.

The sound came again, only this time, it sounded much closer. A nearby wire dropped into the water near him, like a whip.

 _Snap_!

A second wire landed in the water, mere inches from Ralph T.

 _Creeeeeeak_.

This creaking sound indicated that something else was falling; something much larger and closer. Ralph T., however, ignored the sound and instead focused on survival. His focus was broken by the sound of panicked screams.

"RALPH! ABOVE AND BEHIND YOU!"

Ralph T. could barely hear this person's voice, but it was clear enough for him to listen and gaze behind him… His eyes widened as he beheld the ship's central mast, which had broken off of its position and fell right down toward him. Ralph T. froze in shock, unable to swim out of the way fast enough before the mast came down on his head, knocking him out cold and producing a massive wave upon landing in the water.

As the wave crashed over everyone in the water, its most devastating impact was left on the sailboat, as the wave's force was strong enough that it capsized the boat, throwing Kevin, Nazz, and everyone else out of the boat and into the sea.

Edd, too, was unprepared for the fallen mast's shockwave, and was promptly thrown off of the sinking S.S. Flavion into the raging waters by the powerful force of the wave. As the seas began to swallow him, Edd felt a small feeling of déjà vu and found his life flashing before his eyes as he blacked out…

 **End of Intermission**


	44. 5-1: Shipwrecked Again

**Chapter 5: The Key to Pirates**

 **Part 1: Shipwrecked Again**

An unknown amount of time had passed. Edd, as it turned out, had just barely survived being thrown off the sinking S.S. Flavion when it was attacked by spectral flaming entities that he would have otherwise identified as will-o' the wisps from Scottish legend; though he had no idea exactly what had happened to him, but as he began to stir, he noticed he felt comfortable on whatever it was he lay on right now. He had treaded water for what felt like an eternity as he fell unconscious, drifting away in the waves. Eventually, Edd's senses returned, beginning with his senses of taste, touch, smell, and hearing. Once again, he had the faint salty taste of ocean water on his tongue, but he didn't seem to notice this time around; he was soaking wet from treading water for so long, and in addition, he could hear the sound of calm waves on the shore, as well as the calls of the seagulls flying everywhere in the sky. Eventually, his sight and consciousness returned, and he slowly opened his eyes. At first, his vision was blurry and struggled to adjust to the stark light difference, forcing him to cover his eyes with his hand until they could adjust. Clarity eventually returned to his vision, and he took this moment to inspect his surroundings.

He was surprised to see that he had washed ashore, face-up on the sandy shore, on a lush jungle island. Beautiful tropical foliage accented in a thicket of palm and oak trees made up the bulk of this island, and the sandy beach on which he had washed up was flanked by a thicket of trees to his left and a rocky cliff to his right. Small wooden debris, the remains of the S.S. Flavion, were scattered on the beachside. As Edd slowly climbed to his feet, he chose this moment to check himself for any damage. He looked down at his feet, which he discovered to his shock were now bare and exposed; he questioned how he managed to lose both his shoes and his socks in the wreck. Feeling a slight headache coming on, he placed a hand on his head, but as he did, his hand touched exposed hair, rather than his hat. His eyes widening like saucers, he felt every inch of his head, but touched exposed hair each time. The horrifying realization hit him – his hat was gone, swallowed by the sea along with his footwear! Worse still, the loss of his hat was sure to expose what he now knew was the Eye of Wisdom to all of his friends who hadn't yet seen it! What would they think if they saw this mysterious third eye on his head? As these thoughts swam around in his mind, he looked down at his now-tattered and soaked clothing and reached his hand into his pockets. To his relief, he managed to feel some of the supplies he had brought with him, including at least one of the Crystal Stars that he and his friends had gathered.

"Where am I…?" he asked himself.

The last thing he remembered, he had loaded some of his friends onto the S.S. Intelligence that Pa-Patch had thought to bring aboard, but Edd himself had remained on the sinking schooner and was thrown into the water when the ship's mast broke off and landed with a huge splash in the water. But when the ship floundered amid the Ember attack, he never recalled seeing any islands nearby. Seeing no point in remaining where he was, he decided to walk down the beachside; noticing with each step just how hot and humid it was here, he felt sweat trickling down from his forehead. He removed his shirt and wrapped it around his head as a makeshift turban to use as a temporary replacement for his lost hat. He looked around again, and realized he was completely alone.

"Hello?!" he called.

No answer.

Edd was overcome with a feeling of déjà vu; this was now the second time within the month that he had been shipwrecked. Except the last time around, Nazz was with him in the wreck that was his sailboat, and they had managed to survive the freak storm that came out of nowhere in their own world, which had unexplainably deposited them off the coast of Rogueport. This time around, however, he was all alone; there was no sign of any of his friends, old and new; also missing was his sailboat, or what might be left of it.

"Hello?!" he called out again. "Fellows? Eddy? Nazz? Jimmy? Rolf?"

Once again, no reply.

"Where is everyone?" he asked himself again, before a horrifying and sobering thought began to cross his mind: "Oh, dear… they couldn't have been… what could have happened…?"

He remembered his "son," Eduardo Junior, and that he was too young to swim on his own; Vivian couldn't swim either, due to the cast on her broken arm.

"Where… is everyone…" he asked himself again, looking around for any sign of his friends and crewmates, to no avail, as a tear came to his eye.

As he continued to walk, his stamina continued to drop steadily; despite the walk only lasting a few minutes, it felt like long hours under the blazing sun. He discovered more debris from the shipwreck scattered on the shoreline, but still, no sign of his friends. All he could think about doing was walking, walking until he either found someone or couldn't walk any further.

Edd was suddenly brought out of his thoughts when he tripped over a piece of driftwood from the destroyed S.S. Flavion. He fell face-first onto the sand, causing his shirt-turban to fall off of his head, exposing his hair once again. Ignoring the article of clothing, he crawled over to the water, intent on washing his face. When he reached the waterside, he knelt down and dipped his hands into the water before closing his eyes and splashing it on his face to wash off the sand and other dirt. As he finished, he gazed at his reflection on the water's surface and spotted the Eye of Wisdom on his forehead, the talisman that Vivian had been talking about. He touched the talisman with his left hand and lost himself in thought…

As far back as he could remember, it was there, embedded in his forehead – even during his neonatal years. During those early years of his life, his parents, having viewed the Eye as a sort of mutation or abomination, took him to various doctors and surgeons in many attempts to have it safely removed, all to no avail. Finally, instead of pushing the issue further, they bought him that hat and told him to wear it at all costs to cover up the talisman, out of fear that people would make fun of him and ostracize him. On that day back in the cul-de-sac, Eddy and Ed had seen it after Eddy removed his hat as collateral damage for his missing "girlie" magazines that Ed claimed to have hidden and lost; but they were still unable to identify it, because they knew nothing about it. No one in Edd's life, no one from his own dimension at least, knew what it was, or its capabilities. But then, on the ship, just the other night, Vivian saw it for herself and managed to correctly identify it, as well as its capabilities. Seeing as how he had to end up in another world to have it identified, he began to wonder to himself: Was there anyone else in this dimension who knew about it?

"Double-D?! Where are you? Oh, there you are!"

Edd was startled out of his thoughts, and with a slight gasp, covered the Eye with both hands and turned around to face the source of this familiar voice, discovering it to be Nazz.

"Nazz! You're alive! Thank heavens!" Edd exclaimed. Had he not been using both hands to cover his head, he would have embraced her in relief.

"I'm glad you're okay, too, Double-D," Nazz replied. However, she noticed Edd was covering his head with both hands and asked. "Dude, why are you covering your head? What happened to your hat? Are you okay?"

"Oh, um, yes, definitely, now that I know that someone else is alive and well, all things considered," Edd replied.

"Glad to hear it. So, like, why are you covering your head like that? Did you hurt your head or something?" she asked him, concerned.

"Uh, th-that's not important," Edd quickly replied.

Knowing that Edd would never talk about his reasons for always covering his head, Nazz decided not to pursue the subject any further; she was just relieved to have found Edd alive.

"Okay, I won't bug ya about it," she told him, before motioning for him to join her. "Anyways, dude, come over here with me for a sec."

Edd rose to his feet and obliged to Nazz's request, still covering his head all the way and leaving his shirt behind for now as she led him through the jungle. As they walked, Nazz couldn't help but quietly chuckle, which was still loud enough to garner Edd's attention.

"It's kinda funny, isn't it?" Nazz said.

"Pardon?" Edd inquired.

"Well, it's almost like old times," Nazz clarified. "Think about it, Double-D. We go sailing on the water, we get caught up in a freak disaster at sea, and wind up in a new place. Gosh, it feels like not that long ago, the two of us wound up at Rogueport for the first time."

"Ah, yes," Edd mused, recalling the events that led to their arrival in Rogueport. "I suppose it is just like old times."

"Well, almost," Nazz corrected him. "Take a look at this."

She moved some branches and brush aside to direct Edd's gaze, revealing a new sight: On another beachside stood a makeshift shantytown, comprised of improvised "houses" and tents, constructed from driftwood from the wrecked S.S. Flavion. An item shop was also constructed, consisting of food and supplies salvaged from the wreck. Edd was surprised to see that his S.S. Intelligence, damaged as it was, had also once again survived the storm, at the cost of its sail mount and the weather technology that Edd had installed on that fateful day, the day of Eddy's sailing scam.

"My word, Nazz, this… this is amazing," Edd told her. "Have you constructed all of this on your own?"

"No, silly," Nazz chuckled. "I had help, dude."

She directed Edd's gaze to a small group of sailors nearby, who had helped construct the shantytown. They appeared beaten up, but otherwise, they were alive and in one piece; to Edd's relief, he saw Mario among them, along with Pa-Patch, Jimmy, Rolf, Koops, and Flavio.

"Thank heavens," Edd sighed. "It's comforting to see that our dear comrades survived the surprise attack at sea."

"Well, most of them," Nazz pointed out.

"Most of them?"

"Well… come here," Nazz said as she escorted Edd – who was now using only one hand to cover his forehead – to the shantytown to join the others who had survived the attack at sea and gathered in a circle around Flavio, who was doing a head count.

Flavio cleared his throat to garner everyone's attention: "Ah-ahem, yes, now that I have your attention, I shall now proceed with roll call. When I call your name, please speak up and wave. Now then… Pa-Patch!"

"Here!" Pa-Patch called. "And, eh, how be I s'posed to wave wit' nay any arms?"

Flavio grimaced, having clearly forgotten that Pa-Patch, like all Bob-ombs, lacked any arms and hands. "Whatever," he groaned. "Just confirm your presence. With that… Nazz?"

"Here!" Nazz called, raising her hand.

"Excellent," Flavio commented. "Let's see… Eduardo Junior?"

"Yo-de-yo," came the voice of the little Yoshi.

Edd perked up right then and there upon hearing the Yoshi child's voice, and rushed over to him, still covering his forehead with his hand.

"Eduardo!"

"Dad!" The little Yoshi and the sock-headed teen shared a warm father-son-like embrace with their free hands as Flavio continued calling out names, among them Jimmy's. As they pulled away from their embrace, Eduardo noticed that Edd was missing some of his clothing.

"Dad, where's your hat? And your shirt?" Eduardo asked him.

"I, um… my hat was lost to the sea," Edd lamented, wording it so as to keep the existence of the Eye of Wisdom secret from his "son," before continuing. "I was almost certain you'd been lost to the sea as well, so seeing you alive and healthy has put me quite at ease."

"I'll say," Eduardo replied, smiling. "

Flavio called out: "Eddward 'Double-D'!"

"Oh, uh, present!" Edd called out, startled.

"Koops!"

"Here," Koops called out, raising his hand.

"Uh… Vivian?"

"Here," called Vivian somewhat weakly as she raised her unbroken arm.

Edd gazed over at Vivian, relieved to see her alive and otherwise healthy, and darted over to her, setting Eduardo Junior down onto the ground again.

"Oh, Vivian, you have no idea just how happy I am to see you!" he told her.

"Likewise, Double-D," she told him. They, too, managed an embrace using their free hands. As they pulled away, Vivian was quick to notice that Edd was covering his forehead, and his hat was missing.

She was about to point this out when Edd spoke first, telling her: "Vivian, I'm in a crisis – my hat was lost to the seas." He added, half-whispering, "What if our comrades discover the-"

"Don't worry," Vivian assured him, removing her hat with her free hand. "You can wear mine for now."

She placed her hat on Edd's head. This allowed him to finally regain free use of his left hand, as the hat fit just well enough to once again conceal the Eye of Wisdom from the others; in addition, Vivian could finally let out her long, flowing magenta-colored hair. As she looked at Edd wearing her hat, she couldn't help but emit a chuckle. Nearby, Rolf caught a glance of the two and stared questioningly at them.

"Looks a little weird, but it'll have to do for now," Vivian told Edd.

"Heh, I suppose so," Edd concurred.

Flavio cleared his throat loudly, having finished the roll call while Edd and Vivian were talking.

"Well," he said. "After doing a head count, I've determined that there are four of us missing, crewperson and passenger alike. They are, as follows: Passenger, Four-Eyes; Toad lookout, Ralph T.; Navigator, Admiral Bobbery…"

"No…" Edd whispered mournfully.

Flavio continued: "…and passenger, Eddy McGee."

"Good Lord!" Edd exclaimed. "Eddy as well? Oh, dear, I fear the worst for our departed chums!"

"It'll be okay… I think," Vivian assured him. "Don't give up hope, Double-D. I'm positive they survived somehow, too, like we did."

"Thank you for your encouraging words, Vivian, but even if they were to be found, the chances that they're even still alive remain gravely slim," Edd told her.

"C'mon, Dad, don't lose hope," Eduardo added. "I believed you were still alive, and look – here you are. That's my Dad."

Edd finally managed a small smile at the encouraging words from Vivian and Eduardo Junior; this rekindled in the sock-headed youth some hope that Eddy and the other missing shipmates and passengers were still alive and in one piece.

"Well, then, with that, the brave Flavio must rest his bones for now," Flavio proclaimed.

"Brave? Ye call yerself 'brave?'" Pa-Patch chortled. "Ye blubbered like a wee babe in soiled diapers 'n worst of all, ye forgot the lifeboats!"

"Me? The great Flavio, a wee babe? And what about you, Squinty?" Flavio countered. "You turned to jelly at the sight of those specters!"

"What're yeh talkin' bout?!" Pa-Patch fired back. "Ye been the one quakin' in yer boots, fancy-pants!"

Kevin laughed as he watched the fight unfold between Flavio and the Bob-omb sailor. "Man, this is gettin' good."

"What?!" Flavio yelled. "Wait just a moment? Did you just call the great Flavio 'fancy-pants?'"

"Aye, that I did, fancy-pants!" Pa-Patch retorted.

"Wha-?! Say that again to my face!" Flavio challenged.

"FANCY-PANTS!" Pa-Patch snapped. "Fancy-pants, fancy-pants, fancy-pants, fancy-pants!"

"Why, you little cyclops!" Flavio shouted. "How dare you besmirch the honor of the great Flavio? Flavio demands satisfaction! You! Me! Hammers, at dawn!"

"Aye, that's right fine by me!" Pa-Patch affirmed. "I can't wait to put some dents in them fancy threads!"

"How's he gonna hold a hammer with no hands?" Kevin inquired, regarding Pa-Patch.

"If he can tie a knot with no hands, who knows, Kev?" Nazz told him coolly.

"Then it's settled," Flavio said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Flavio must take his leave, as he needs no senseless drama right now."

As Flavio wandered off, Pa-Patch turned to the other campers and instructed them: "Well, the 'esteemed' Flavio 're goin' out to scout fer goods 'n supplies. The rest o' yeh be keepin' our little shantytown secure." The Bob-omb then followed Flavio into the jungle, all the way shouting insults like "fancy-pants" in his direction. Once they were out of sight, Edd faced Mario and asked a question of his own:

"What is the current status regarding our supplies?"

"Well-a, we've only got enough-a supplies to last us another-a week," Mario told him. "I don't-a know how long-a we'll-a be stuck-a here, but-a we're not-a leaving-a this island any time-a soon, so that-a means we'll-a have to scavenge. In the meantime-a, though, we must-a get some-a rest."

"Rest? Dude, like, how can we possibly rest knowing that there's four of us still out there?" Nazz asked nervously.

"We just-a washed ashore, Nazz. We're in no condition to be going-a," Mario reminded her, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, Mario's got a point," Koops chimed in.

"C'mon, guys, there's gotta be something we can do," Nazz countered. "We can't be out of options."

"Perhaps we should gather some wood and ignite a campfire," Edd suggested, unaware that Pa-Patch had returned and was behind him. "With any luck, the smoke from said flames may be seen by passing ships."

"Nay, lad," Pa-Patch said, startling Edd, who wheeled around to face the Bob-omb.

"Gracious, man! I thought you were with Flavio, scavenging for supplies?" Edd said to him.

"Aye, but I cannot endure nary a second more o' Flavio's braggin'," Pa-Patch replied. "I couldn't help but overhear yeh sayin' ye wanna build a fire. That be a fool's folly on Keelhaul Key. We be the only ones in all o' Rogueport to be comin' here; ye won't be findin' nary a vessel in more than a hundred nautical miles, boy."

Edd and the others barely had even two seconds more to ponder their next course of action when a panicked voice resounded. "THEY'RE HEEEEEEEERE!"

Soon after, Flavio came dashing back into the settlement, babbling incoherently and wildly flailing his arms. His shout was enough to rouse even Jimmy, who had been resting inside the tent near the item shop after another bout of seasickness combined with a lack of energy, with a start. The pale boy gathered his bearings and ran out to where everyone else was gathered.

"Jumpin' Jehoshophat! What's happening?" he asked fearfully.

"Oh, so the great Flavio can't hack it in the thicket?" Pa-Patch taunted Flavio.

"Save your insults, Pa-Patch! Them ghosts are back!" Flavio screamed. "The ghosts that wrecked my beloved S.S. Flavion! Look!"

Everyone followed Flavio's gaze and beheld the sight: three Embers, wisps of blue flame with menacing yellow eyes, approached the group menacingly. As he was on dry land, Edd was finally able to get a good look at them with his own eyes.

"Embers!" Goombella exclaimed. "Without a doubt, these are the ones that sank the ship! They're said to be the spirits of the dead, bent on vengeance. Of course-"

"HYAH!" Rolf shouted, interrupting the Goomba scholar. "Rolf says we shall make them pay for the sinking of the ship!"

Mario was already ahead of them, as he rushed forward and swung his hammer at the lead Ember. However, while the hammer did make contact with the Ember, it did no damage at all, and superheated the hammer.

"Jeez, didn't your mama teach you that touching those things would hurt?" Goombella chided. "Since they're made of fire-"

She was interrupted again, this time by Edd, who shouted, "Avoid the flames and attack from afar!"

Edd exchanged a glance with Vivian, who had mustered the strength to stand.

"Basic attack?" Vivian asked him.

"Affirmative!" Edd replied.

The formerly-sock-headed boy and the Shadow Siren took their positions next to each other and pointed at the Embers to ready a spell. Together, they shouted:

"Fire!"

Right there, a blaze of fire shot from their hands and struck the embers with a force explosive enough to send the campers scattering. As the two spell-casters waved their hands to dispel their attacks, they saw, much to their shock, that their moves had not vanquished the Embers; rather, they now appeared larger than before.

"…and since they're made of fire, any fire-themed attack will only augment their own power," Goombella finished, exasperated. "I swear, or at least I would, but that would kill my ESRB rating."

"Goomba-girl speaks honestly, as that was a move more foolish than the village idiot of Rolf's old country!" Rolf berated angrily.

"So, what can we do?" Edd inquired.

"Well, here's a thought. Maybe we should use a Crystal Star?" Goombella offered, annoyed that no one had been listening to her.

"Brilliant!" Koops complimented.

"Mind if I try?" came the high-pitched voice of Jimmy, who was holding the Ruby Star obtained from the Creepy Steeple.

Everyone turned to face him, with mixed emotions, since anyone who knew Jimmy well enough never knew him to be proactive, let alone unafraid – not to mention that he had been recovering from seasickness and injuries sustained from the sinking of the ship.

"Jimmy, are you sure you're well and strong enough for this?" Nazz asked him.

"Won't know till I try, Nazz!" Jimmy called back.

The pale, fluffy-haired boy held the Ruby Star high, and soon found himself in possession of a paintbrush in his right hand, and an artist's hat on his head. Between him and the Embers, an easel materialized, complete with a canvas depicting the Embers themselves. Jimmy, now one with his passion for art, began painting all over the Embers on the canvas. As he did so, Edd and the others noticed, awestruck, that the Ruby Star was behaving in conjunction with Jimmy's paintbrush – as Jimmy painted shapes and scribbles around the Embers on the canvas, the Ruby Star was drawing those same exact shapes and scribbles on the real Embers and breaking through their otherwise-impenetrable flammable essence to deal damage to them.

Jimmy finally stopped after a few seconds, exclaiming, "Voila! My masterpiece is complete."

The Ruby Star emitted a bright flash, and with a poof, Jimmy's paintbrush and canvas disappeared, and in doing so, destroyed the Embers by dissolving them in thin air.

"Only a true artist can wield such power," Jimmy smugly noted.

Everyone was left speechless at what had just transpired. Even Kevin, who notoriously singled him out for being the weakest kid in the cul-de-sac and playing with "baby toys," was left confused and unable to form words at having just witnessed Jimmy single-handedly obliterate three menacing fiery wraiths with just some brushstrokes. While Edd, Nazz, and Rolf had seen this confidence in Jimmy at least once before, one thing was still clear: between this and their tenure as contracted fighters at the Glitz Pit, Jimmy was less of a delicate little flower than he normally presented himself to be. All he needed was the right motivation.

A few more seconds of awkwardness passed before Pa-Patch finally broke the silence.

"Aye, yeh young'uns 're bloomin' beasts!" Pa-Patch exclaimed.

"That was awesome, Uncle Jimmy!" Eduardo Junior called out.

"I concur with Eduardo," Edd affirmed. "Jimmy, you've truly come through for us."

"Never doubt the meek," Vivian added. "They just might surprise you."

"That was rad, Jimmy!" Nazz congratulated, pulling Jimmy into a hug.

"Aw, thanks, you guys," Jimmy replied, smiling.

"Gimme a break," Kevin muttered under his breath, his words remaining unheard by the others.

"Still too early to celebrate, isn't it?" Flavio piped up. "There are surely more of those things elsewhere, hmm? Somebody must investigate the remainder of this island… yes, that is what must be."

This statement made Edd and his friends, as well as the rest of the campers, wary. Pompous as he was, Flavio was right: there were sure to be more Embers on this island, and if they could attack at sea and at camp, they could attack anywhere on this island at any time.

An idea clicked in Flavio's head, and he pompously announced, "Now as leader of this island, I shall, of course, remain here. On this, I brook no argument. Eddward! Mario! After that display of power you exhibited, perhaps you and your friends could handle the exploration of this island?"

Before Edd or Mario could respond, Flavio cut them off: "Marvelous! I knew you would go forth with boldness! We thusly count upon you, the newly-appointed protectors of our camp!"

"And just what will you be doing, Mr. Flavio?" Edd asked him coolly.

"What else? I will be resting," Flavio drolly responded. "Flavio needs his beauty sleep."

"Fat lotta good that'll do us!" griped Eduardo Junior.

Flavio said nothing as he retired back to his makeshift hut for his so-called "beauty sleep."

XXX000XXX000XXX

It was now around 10:00 PM. The evening had come rather quickly for most of the castaways, especially for Edd. The castaways were currently sleeping around a campfire that had been started to keep them warm; Edd, however, remained awake. He had since reclaimed his shirt, and in addition, he fashioned a new makeshift "sock-hat" for his head, using some cloth from the torn remains of the S.S. Flavion's own sail. He sat on the sand beside the sea, outside of a tent that he had pitched. Since the Ember attacks at sea and at the shantytown, the castaways had deemed that one of them would keep a lookout for any more intruders, and tonight, Edd had volunteered himself for the position. However, he wasn't so much looking as he was grieving.

 _What am I going to do_? he wondered to himself as tears formed in his eyes. _My rod_ , _which I used to defend myself against assailants_ , _is missing_ ; _my laptop_ , _which I use for wireless communications_ , _has most likely sustained substantial water damage_ … _I still have my powers over flame, but they will be next to useless while I_ ' _m surrounded by water_ … _and Eddy_ … _I don_ ' _t even want to think about what happened or may have happened to him_.

Edd wasn't the only one consumed with worry over Eddy's fate. His fellow chums from the cul-de-sac, with the obvious exception of Kevin, were also upset and worried about Eddy. More than ever, they regretted being so mean to him, even when he was mean to them; but whatever apologies formed in their minds would be of no matter. They feared the worst for him, that it was too late.

As it turned out, Edd wasn't the only one who was awake. Looking over to the right, he discovered Goombella was awake as well, standing at the shore's edge, just a stone's throw away from where Edd had pitched his tent. She was staring out to sea with a look of melancholy on her face, lost in her thoughts. Edd stood up and approached her.

"Goombella?" he whispered audibly so she could hear him.

"Oh… Double-D," she responded sadly, her voice breaking.

"Pardon me for my intrusion, but what, may I ask, are you doing awake at this hour?" he asked her.

"I can't sleep," she replied. "I got too much on my mind, and it's confusing me."

"Do you speak with regards to the Embers that attacked us at sea?"

"No, it's bigger than that," she told him. "Well, first, the kidnappings, the missing Glitz Pit fighters, the fact that we're hunting for an unknown 'treasure' with origins unknown and unspeakable… that, I can understand. But… ever since those woods between Twilight Town and the Creepy Steeple, things haven't been the same. I don't… I haven't told you the full story of what happened to me after I ran away from you guys in the woods."

"Ah, yes, what did happen to you in that time?" Edd asked her.

"Well…" Goombella began.

 **FLASHBACK**

Eddy's voice rang out again: "HELP ME!"

This launched Goombella into a full-blown panic, and she ran in the opposite direction, screaming all the way.

"GOOMBELLA! COME BACK!" Edd called after her.

His call went unheard by the Goomba girl, who dashed into the woods and out of view. The beam of her flashlight was seen wobbling and streaking in the darkness as she ran.

Goombella continued running and running, as this was all she could think about in her full-blown panic. As she ran, she took one last look back in the direction of Edd and Eduardo Junior, who continued calling for her.

The flashlight that served as a key component of her miner's helmet was the only thing between her and certain death; it streaked through the woods as she ran and ran. She veered off of the main path back to town and ran further into the desolate haunted woods, when she suddenly felt something strike her helmet, causing her to fall to the ground. She looked up and saw a hand carrying a bike wrench. This hooded figure raised his wrench again to knock her out, but once again, the wrench made contact with her helmet, sparing her from pain – but at the expense of her flashlight, whose battery power was cut upon impact; in the pitch-blackness, she may as well have lost consciousness. She screamed for help, but to no avail.

The hooded figure then proceeded to drag her through the woods, sustaining some abrasions from the rocks and twigs on the ground, all the way to an abandoned old building resembling a run-down chapel. As the figure dragged her closer, she could make out three glowing sets of eyes staring at her: one set blue, another set yellow, and the third set red. She didn't even have time to determine their identities, let alone discern her surroundings, before the figure tossed her through the building's open window, where she blacked out upon hitting the floor.

 **END FLASHBACK**

"That was back when that Kevin was still working with, uh, Doopliss," she finished.

"You said you saw three sets of eyes staring at you? I wonder…" Edd pondered. "Perhaps what you saw were the Shadow Sirens?"

"Maybe, I think," Goombella replied. "It wasn't that much later when you encountered Vivian, right?"

Edd nodded before adding: "You seemed the most concerned of us when Eddy was kidnapped."

"Well, yeah. Lost in the woods and kidnapped, I thought he was getting killed!" Goombella told him.

"I understand how you feel," said Edd. "As things are now, I myself am consumed with much worry and uncertainty over Eddy's fate. For all we know, he went down with the S.S. Flavion."

"We don't know that, Double-D," Goombella assured him. "If he was able to survive the woods between Twilight Town and the Creepy Steeple, he must've found some way to survive this. All we have to do is find him."

"Find him? The odds of him surviving at sea aboard a sinking vessel are slim to none," Edd pointed out.

"Jeez, pessimistic much?" Goombella inquired.

"I'm not pessimistic, Goombella, I'm being realistic," Edd quickly noted.

"C'mon, Double-D, hold out some hope," Goombella told him.

"Hold out hope…" Edd sighed. "I suppose that's the best any of us can do for now."

"Yeah, exactly."

Goombella yawned widely. "I'm going back to sleep. We're gonna need it tomorrow when we scout the island."

"Perhaps you're right," Edd replied.

"Good night, Double-D," she told him as she returned to her tent.

"Good night, Goombella," Edd replied.

Goombella re-entered her tent and lay down to sleep, leaving Edd to his thoughts. After a few minutes, he yawned himself and returned to his tent to sleep… something that did not come easy to him, as he retained his worry over the fate of his short-in-stature scam-artist friend, Eddy.

 **End of Part One**


	45. 5-2: Warning and Reunion

**Chapter 5: The Key to Pirates**

 **Part 2: Warning and Reunion**

Eddy, in fact, did survive the Ember attack at sea and the sinking of the S.S. Flavion. After the room in which he had become trapped was completely flooded, he managed to swim quickly through one of the large holes in the wall created by the Embers; by a stroke of luck, said window was tilting upward, angled slightly toward the direction of the water's surface. However, he had passed out from exhaustion and holding his breath as long as he did underwater. By a stroke of luck, he washed up on an isolated sandy beach on the lush jungle island known as Keelhaul Key; but he had become separated from everyone else, who believed him to have perished in the waters – a sentiment shared by the scammer. As he regained his consciousness and his senses, he took some time to look around at his surroundings, questioning where he was and grumbling as he analyzed his situation.

After all, he was right there. He had reached Edd's sailboat! Nazz was more than willing to pull him out of the water. She would have succeeded if that shovel-chinned jerk Kevin hadn't jumped in between them and forced them apart, dropping Eddy right back into the raging waters and essentially leaving him to die! He had managed to escape the sinking ship by the skin of his teeth, but this left the question of how he had washed up on this island in the first place. There appeared to be no one else around; even Edd and Goombella didn't wash ashore with him. He had spent much of the day searching, to no avail, for any sign of his friends, old and new. For all he knew, he was all alone. Night had fallen, and he was low on energy and in need of something to eat.

"Man… I'm so hungry," he grumbled to himself. "What's there to eat around here?"

He kicked the sand of the shoreline in frustration before sitting down at the foot of a tall palm tree. He looked up at the tree, but no fruit or coconuts were growing atop the stalk. He instead settled for gazing at the night sky, reflecting on events.

"I was livin' high and swimmin' in moolah at Glitzville. I coulda just stayed there, but _noooo_. Sockhead had to drag me on this Crystal Star venture, then Shovelchin kidnaps me in some creepy woods, then I wind up lost on this stupid island! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Eddy was angry, but he didn't know who he was angrier at: Edd for tearing him away from a comfortable, lucrative life in Glitzville; or Kevin for kidnapping him near Twilight Town and no doubt trying to kill him back while the Embers sank the S.S. Flavion. He was angry and tired and hungry, lacking in energy even to set up a scam, and he didn't even know what time it was, not that it even mattered at this point. The experience had drained his energy, and all he wanted to do now was rest. He'd heard the stories about this island; tales of treasures beyond his wildest dreams, but also of pirates and curses. Of course he believed them, not just because anything could happen in this strange world, but especially because there was treasure involved, and to him, "treasure" meant getting rich. As much as he desired getting rich from this supposed treasure, he was just too tired right now to care. There, at the base of that palm tree, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep under the moonlight.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Eddy opened his eyes. As he saw what was in front of him, he stood bolt upright. He remembered falling asleep on an apparently deserted island beneath a palm tree, but when he woke, he was in a field of flowers. The sky was sunny and blue; flowers of all different kinds grew around him; he heard the chirping of birds, the hatred of whom stemmed from having his quarter stolen by a bird back in the cul-de-sac. In addition, the palm tree was replaced with a large green oak tree. Off in the distance stood a large, inaccessible castle; in front of him, cutting through the flowers, was a dirt path that led through the fields, continuing past a bridge spanning a calmly-flowing stream, leading into a small town off in the distance.

"What the- Where the heck am I?" he shouted. "What's goin' on here?!"

There was no response. Eddy called out again:

"Hello?! Anyone here?"

Again, there was silence… for a few seconds. Suddenly, the sound of rustling grass and flowers could be heard just a few feet away. Within the grass, Eddy could make out the shape of the polka-dotted cap of a mushroom.

"Hey!" Eddy called out.

The mushroom figure stood up, revealing himself as a Toad. Eddy had seen Toads before, considering his temporary association with Jolene Toadwaller (and by association, her brother Prince Mush) back in Glitzville. However, this Toad had a noticeably built physique, with his bicep and tricep muscles most pronounced. This Toad wore a tight, form-fitting moisture-wicking T-shirt that showed off his buff pectorals and abs. The muscular Toad faced Eddy and silently motioned to the boy to follow him before running off down the dirt path.

"Hey! Where ya goin'?" Eddy called after him, giving chase.

Eddy chased the muscular Toad through the flowery meadows, all the way across the bridge to the town gates. The Toad motioned for Eddy to follow him again as he entered the town. Looking up, Eddy saw what was inscribed on the arch of the gateway:

"Welcome to Petalburg, the crown jewel of Petal Meadows."

Underneath the arch hung a smaller sign, which read: "Beware of the dragon Hooktail. Stay away from the dragon's castle!"

Upon seeing these words, Eddy swallowed nervously and took a glimpse at the castle off in the distance. There was bound to be treasure in there, but that meant dealing with a dragon… and in this world, apparently, dragons were real and ferocious, as Edd had told him when they reunited in Glitzville. After a few seconds, he shifted his gaze back to the muscular Toad, who had already entered the town gates. Eddy gave chase and passed beneath the arch… and everything went white.

Once the bright light faded, Eddy found himself in a completely different environment. Gone were the vibrant fields of flowers, the blue sky, and the town known as Petalburg; this new environment was a black-and-white forest, with the sky in perpetual twilight and brisk cold air blowing through. In place of the town, Eddy was now face to face with a large, hollowed-out tree, with an automated door at its base; high above the door was a small knothole with a flashing neon sign that read "Secret Entrance."

"What the-? Where am I now?" he yelled. "What happened to the flowers and that town?"

The muscular Toad was here, too; Eddy caught a glimpse of him as he darted through the door, past another figure standing nearby without a second glance at Eddy. The scammer took a look at the figure standing outside the door and discovered her to be an old Goomba, reminiscent of Goombella herself but appearing to be about Professor Frankly's age. Instead of a miner's hat, she bore some age-related wrinkles on her body and platinum-blonde hair that was graying out. Before Eddy could ask about this new environment or the whereabouts of the muscular Toad, the old Goomba spoke.

"He's in there," she told Eddy, gesturing with her head toward the tree's automated entrance.

"Who are you?" Eddy demanded of the Goomba.

"Enter the tree," she replied, with a partial English accent. "All shall be explained soon."

She followed the muscular Toad into the tree.

"What the heck's that supposed to mean?" Eddy demanded.

The wise Goomba didn't reply, instead going deeper into the tree. Seeing that he wasn't getting the answers he needed right away, Eddy had no other option but to enter the tree after his two-fold quarry. He passed through the automated entrance…

…And once again found himself in a completely different environment.

"Aw, come on! Again?! WHAT! IS! GOING! ON?!" Eddy screamed, agitated.

Now he was in a dark, dank cave, with his voice echoing off the walls and ceiling. A river of seawater was flowing through the room, and water also dripped from the stalactites on the ceiling. Wooden barrels and boxed floated in the river, mixed in with driftwood from wrecked ships. Lanterns also hung on the walls by a string; only two of them were in working order, emitting barely enough light to illuminate the room.

"Hey," came a new voice, startling Eddy.

"Whoa!" Eddy jumped in shock.

Looking off near his left, the scammer found himself face to face with a Koopa who appeared middle-aged, roughly in his early to late fifties, bearing a long scar across his face. This Koopa was dressed in an outdoorsman's flannel shirt, carrying an oversized backpack that indicated he was quite the traveler.

"Who are you?" Eddy asked him. "Where's that buff mushroom dude and the old Goomba girl?"

"I'll bring you to them," the Koopa said, his voice reminiscent of James Garner. "Come closer."

Eddy approached the Koopa, who then directed the scammer over to his left. Just as Eddy found himself face-to-face with the cave's rock wall, he felt the Koopa shove him forward – right into a deep hole. Eddy screamed as he fell, with the hole seemingly going on and on. Eventually he stopped falling, and when he gathered his bearings, he climbed to his feet and looked around… and let out an exasperated shout.

He was now in the place he hated most in this world. He was back where that shovel-chinned jerk Kevin and that freak in the white sheet had held him hostage, along with Edd, Goombella and Eduardo Junior. He was back in the Creepy Steeple. And at this very moment, he was facing in the direction of the large stained-glass window that depicted Doopliss, the freak in the white sheet.

A new creature materialized out of thin air right in front of Eddy, startling him. With a yelp, the short Ed boy fell back on his bottom with a jump. This creature appeared to be a white, floating ball with tiny arms and a tail reminiscent of the stereotypical ghost. The creature turned to face Eddy, revealing a set of sharp fangs in its mouth, a long tongue as purple as Jimmy's, and a narrowed set of eyes that seemed to leer at him. Before he could ask what was happening or what this creature was, three pillars emerged from the floor, surrounding the ghostly creature. The muscular Toad reappeared on the leftmost pillar; the wise Goomba materialized atop the pillar directly to the left of the creature; and on its right, the scarred Koopa who shoved him down the hole in the cave reappeared on the rightmost pillar. Now that they were all here, Eddy demanded answers.

"What's going on?" he demanded. "Who the heck are you? What do you want with me?"

The muscular Toad spoke first. "I am Toadatlas," he said, his voice gruff. "Of the Toad species."

"I am Goomione, of the Goombas," the Goomba added.

"I am Annaboo, of the Boo species," said the ghostly Boo, in a New Zealand accent.

"And I am Parkoop, of the Koopas," said the Koopa.

"Great, now what the heck's goin' on?" Eddy groaned. "How'd I end up back here? Is this even real?"

"One thousand years ago, the story begins," Toadatlas told him. "Long, long ago, before the existence of what is now known as Rogueport, there was a city. A very lively, prosperous city. Then, on that day, one thousand years ago, a great cataclysm struck."

"The sinister Queen of Shadows lay siege to this world, cloaking it in her shadow and darkness with her immense powers," Goomione added. "Dark clouds, earthquakes, hurricanes, fire, ice, lightning… all sorts of rubbish imaginable."

"As the city faced its ultimate fate of being sunk beneath the earth, we were tasked with ending the queen's reign of absolute terror," Annaboo chimed in. "We had gathered the Crystal Stars and used their power to seal her away beneath the earth. But, it was not without consequence."

"For indeed, we underestimated her powers, enhanced by three talismans of immense power," Parkoop concluded. "These talismans were crafted in conjunction with the seven Crystal Stars themselves."

"Yeah, yeah, great sob story," Eddy groaned. "Can I please get back to reality now?!"

"SILENCE!" shouted the four spirits collectively, immediately silencing Eddy.

"The Crown of Might, worn on the demon queen's head as a symbol of her rule," Toadatlas continued. "The Charm of Life. The Eye of Wisdom."

"Eye of Wisdom?" Eddy inquired. "That again?"

"Yes," Goomione replied. "At the beginning of her rule, she used the combined power of the three Shadow Talismans to create the seven Crystal Stars. She was all too kind to remind us of this fact when we used them to seal her away until the next millennium."

"As her final act, she placed this dark curse on us that tethered us to possess the Crystal Stars for life," Annaboo added.

"Additionally, at that moment, she also sent the three Shadow Talismans away, separating them until the time came to reunite them, along with the Crystal Stars," Parkoop chimed in.

"Yeah? What's that got to do with me?" Eddy groaned.

"The Crown of Might remained with the demon queen," Toadatlas told him.

"The Charm of Life, too, remained within this world, in the hands of her most trusted servants," Goomione told Eddy.

"And this Eye of Wisdom thingy?" Eddy asked.

"The Eye was transported to a world far beyond our dimensional plane," Annaboo told him.

"A world called Earth," Parkoop concluded.

"Wait- Earth?!" Eddy asked.

"Be warned: these talismans grant immense power to those who wield them," Toadatlas warned.

"Power far beyond comprehension," Goomione added.

"However, these powers have the potential to corrupt their wielders, twisting their desires toward evil," Annaboo cautioned.

"We learned the hard way, absolute power corrupts absolutely," Parkoop told him.

"I'll ask again – what's this got to do with me?!" Eddy shouted, exasperated.

"The Eye of Wisdom is closer than you think," Annaboo told him.

"The bearer of the Eye of Wisdom is among your ranks," Toadatlas cautioned.

"As a matter of fact, you consider him to be your best friend, yes?" Parkoop inquired.

"What?!" Eddy yelped, surprised.

"This is he, the bearer of the Eye of Wisdom," Goomione told him. "See with your own eyes."

The four spirits directed Eddy's gaze to the stained-glass window. As he watched, the image of the Eye of Wisdom's bearer was projected in the window. The color drained immediately from Eddy's face as he stood, mouth agape and eyes wide as saucers, as he beheld an image of none other than Edd, standing in front of his house in the cul-de-sac.

"Double-D?!" Eddy gasped. "Him?! This Eye thingy- he had it the whole time?!"

Now it became clear to Eddy just what it was that Edd concealed under his hat. He slapped his forehead in shock and disbelief.

"With the Eye of Wisdom, he shall finish what we began: the complete end of the life and reign of the Demon Queen of Shadows," Goomione told him.

"However, this also means that he can be corrupted by the Eye's power and become the villain himself, as well," Annaboo cautioned.

"Should that happen, all will be truly lost," Parkoop warned him.

"Remember our words, and mind your friend," Toadatlas warned him.

"What do you mean?" Eddy inquired. "Naw, Sockhead wouldn't do me like that."

After a moment of silence, the four spirits dissolved, along with the pillars that everyone but Annaboo stood on. Eventually, Eddy discovered that the room was dissolving, peeling away like paper. Eddy was blinded by a bright flash of white light as the room dissolved. The light faded, allowing Eddy to open his eyes once more, slowly. As he got a look at his surroundings, he beheld a sight that caused his heart to skip a beat and his stomach to drop. It was a truly horrifying, tragic sight.

He was back in the cul-de-sac. Only it wasn't lively like it normally was in the summer. No, what he beheld was the cul-de-sac under attack and in ruins. Eddy saw his house on fire and crumbling, along with the ruins of Jimmy's house, Kevin's house, Ed and Sarah's house, Rolf's house, Jonny's house, the abandoned house, and Nazz's house. The lane was completely destroyed as well, its wooden fences broken and shattered. Flames raged around the town as thunder roared and lightning struck the ground from the skies, covered in sinister clouds of indigo and blood-red. He could hear the screams of his fellow neighbors as they were being murdered violently. Peach Creek Junior High School was completely destroyed, its basketball court in flames, its gymnasium gutted. The roads were cracked, and trees were obliterated as well. The abandoned house suddenly crumbled into smoldering piles of burning wood and rubble. Eddy stumbled around in a state of shock, hyperventilating. This was worse than the time the Kanker Sisters had their hissy fit and violently upended the cul-de-sac all to find their ship-in-a-bottle that had gotten stuck on Ed's finger – at least that time, no one actually ended up dead and no fires had broken out.

"No way, man…" Eddy cried. "How… how could this…"

Eddy looked up in the roaring skies and discovered the image of a glowing runic Eye, surrounded by seven glowing lights of different colors: The Eye of Wisdom, surrounded by the seven Crystal Stars. He stared agape at the sight for a total of fifteen seconds before forcing himself to turn away and back to the ruined houses, at which point he noticed that there was one house still intact: Edd's.

"Huh… how did Sockhead's house survive all this?" Eddy wondered out loud to himself.

Eddy looked back at the Eye and the Crystal Stars in the roaring skies, then back at his friend's intact house, at which point he was greeted with the sight of Edd standing on the front stoop. Edd's gaze was transfixed on Eddy as the sock-headed youth slowly approached him.

"Sockhead!" Eddy yelled. "Man, I'm glad to see you're all right! What the heck's happenin'? Do you know?"

Edd remained silent as he continued his approach toward Eddy. The short scammer watched as the sock-headed boy's face contorted into a grin. More flames flared up from the ground, surrounding the two boys completely.

"Yo, Sockhead, what's goin' on?!" Eddy asked again. "What's with all this fire? Who's killin' everyone?!"

Edd finally came to a halt directly in front of Eddy, mere inches from his face. Through the light of the flames, Eddy saw, to his horror, that Edd's face was contorted into an unnaturally sinister sneer, completely uncharacteristic of Eddy's ever-meticulous and normally kind-hearted sock-headed friend. Additionally, Edd's eyes went from their usual hazel color to a blank white before turning a shade of indigo, with his pupils glowing a bright, sinister blood-red.

"C'mon, Sockhead, chill, why don't ya?" Eddy pleaded, his voice quivering in fear as he took a step back.

Edd began to laugh, a rather evil laugh. Eddy discovered that Edd's voice was distorted rather demonically as he laughed, instead of his usual annoying nerdy voice.

"Sockhead, if this is some sick joke, I ain't laughin'!" Eddy yelled fearfully.

As Edd continued glowering at Eddy, the diminutive scammer panicked and tried to escape in the opposite direction, only to come to a halt due to the flames surrounding the two boys blocking any attempt to escape.

"STOP IT, SOCKHEAD!" Eddy pleaded fearfully. "C'mon, what'd I ever do to ya, man?!"

" _ **The Three Shadow Talismans see all. They rule over all, they take the lives of all!**_ " Edd bellowed, in the same distorted, demonic voice.

"Sockhead, please, you're scarin' me, man!" Eddy cried. "C'mon, please! Don't hurt me, please, man!"

Eddy was now on his knees, crying and begging for mercy, which he never thought he'd do in front of Edd. The scammer's begging went ignored as Edd grabbed Eddy by his shirt with both hands, lifting him off of the ground surprisingly easily. The sock-headed boy's body began flaming as well, a mix of regular and dark flames enveloping his body. Eddy screamed as he felt the heat starting to burn him.

" _ **In the name of Umbrivere, Queen of Shadows, the lost servants shall return, and with the united power of the Talismans three, destroy those who hath defeated them!**_ " Edd bellowed demonically. " _ **And their descendants shall suffer as well!**_ "

Eddy felt his body combust, flames surrounding him as well and burning him alive.

"DOUBLE-D! PLEASE! I'M SORRY!" Eddy screamed, crying as the flames burned him. "PLEASE! STOP IT, SOCKHEAD!"

The blood-red glow coming from Edd's eyes intensified, glowing brighter and more vividly. Eddy continued screaming for mercy as he was devoured by the hellfire.

Edd laughed evilly once more. " _ **Who's ordering who now, fool?!**_ "

Edd continued laughing evilly as the flames now fully consumed Eddy's body, the diminutive scammer screaming in agony all the way.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Eddy was still screaming when he suddenly shot bolt upright, breathing heavily and sweating profusely. Clutching his chest with his right hand, he could feel his heart pounding out of his chest as he opened his eyes.

He was back on the deserted jungle island, still sitting beneath the same palm tree underneath which he had previously nodded off, and there was no fire nearby, or even off in the distance.

"Huh… thank goodness, it was just a dream," Eddy said to himself. "Man, I'm losin' it…"

Eddy slowly climbed to his feet and drifted off into his racing thoughts. That dream… it sure felt real, especially at the end…

Eddy rubbed the temples of his head as he tried to make sense of this dream, especially toward the end. Would Edd really do that to him? This Eye of Wisdom… now that he had a general sense of just what it was Edd concealed beneath his hat, he began to wonder if even Edd could turn for the worse. Sure, Edd had seemingly developed fire powers out of nowhere back at Glitzville…

Then it hit him. He had eavesdropped on Edd and Vivian aboard the now-wrecked S.S. Flavion the previous night, and that's how he first heard of the Eye of Wisdom, and how Edd came to possess fire powers in the first place: Vivian had bestowed her own fire powers onto Edd, with the Eye as a conduit. Now that he had this information, he knew just what Edd could be capable of… but he knew he needed to make sure Edd was none the wiser; as far as his sock-headed friend was concerned, no one apart from Vivian knew the truth. That is, if Edd and anyone else was still alive.

Just as he was struggling to comprehend the events in recent weeks, as well as those in his dream, Eddy suddenly discovered something out of the corner of his eye, lurking in the jungle, its bright blue glow visible behind the greenery. The source of the glow emerged from behind the foliage, and Eddy quickly recognized it as one of the blue Embers that had attacked and destroyed the S.S. Flavion.

"Aw, man, those things're here, too?!" he exclaimed. "Not again!"

Eddy jumped up and ran into the jungle, trying to escape the blue flaming spirit that followed closely behind.

"Gimme a break!" he shouted at it as he ran.

He turned back to face the direction he was running, only to come in contact with an exposed tree root, over which he proceeded to stumble and fall flat on his face. As Eddy turned around and looked up, he found himself locking eyes with the Ember, its evil glare meeting Eddy's own glare. The Ember was close enough that Eddy could see his face reflected in the monster's eyes; similarly, the Ember was reflected in Eddy's eyes as well.

"You want a piece o' me?" Eddy challenged. "Come and get it!"

The Ember charged for him, during which Eddy realized that he had momentarily forgotten that he was facing a spectral flame, and physical contact would undoubtedly leave him with severe burns. The anger began fading from Eddy's face, to be replaced by fear once again.

 _Wait_ , _what am I thinking_? he thought to himself. _No way can I take that thing on_! Eddy did the only thing he could do – he closed his eyes and shielded himself, waiting for the inevitable.

Suddenly the Ember let out a ghastly, otherworldly shriek of pain. Eddy opened his eyes and discovered that an arrow had pierced the monster, causing it to dissipate into nothingness, with only the arrow left behind.

"Ha!" Eddy exclaimed proudly, jumping up and flexing his arms. "Don't mess with the great Eddy-Dini!"

Eddy laughed boastfully for a second before stopping short as he caught sight of the arrow that had actually done the deed. He crossed to the arrow and picked it up off the ground.

"Who the heck fired this thing?" he wondered aloud to himself.

The answer came almost immediately, as the sound of laughter echoed through the jungle. However, this laugh was not an evil laugh. In fact, Eddy recognized it immediately, as the laughter was, in fact, goofy and dopey. As Eddy realized the familiarity of that chuckle, the source of the laughter then proclaimed loudly enough:

"I dispense with thee, wellspring of Evil Tim!"

"No way!" Eddy gasped. He called out into the jungle:

"HEY! LUMPY! MONOBROW! OVER HERE!"

The voice responded: "Hi, Eddy!"

Soon, the source of the goofy voice stepped out from the thicket of the jungle and revealed himself. He was definitely taller than Eddy, for sure. The tall person darted out of the jungle, and his identity was revealed under the light of the moon. It was a tall teenager, at least 5'9", carrying a bow and wearing a quiver of arrows on his back. He bore buzz-cut ginger hair and a single eyebrow. His clothes appeared very tattered and torn, the stains visible on his red-and-white striped shirt as well as his green jacket, and his skin looked battered and bruised, but he held the same dopey smile on his face, as though he felt none the worse for wear.

 _It was Ed_ , _the lovable oaf himself_.

"EDDY!"

Eddy didn't have time to react before Ed dropped his bow and wrapped Eddy in one of his signature bear hugs, acting as if days upon days hadn't gone by since the last time they had seen each other.

"HI, EDDY!" Ed exclaimed again.

"Ed!" Eddy gasped. "I… can't… breathe!"

"Ed is happy to see Mister Eddy McGee!" Ed rhymed dopily as he finally released Eddy from the tight bear hug. Eddy promptly reached up and slapped Ed across the face to get him to focus. Ed closed his eyes and shook his head to reclaim his focus before opening his eyes again to face Eddy.

"Eddy!" Ed exclaimed again. "I am a moose! Let's sing a song!"

"How'd you end up here, Lumpy?" Eddy asked him, ignoring Ed's usual dimwitted non-sequiturs.

Ed sighed and closed his eyes.

"Ed pooped," he remarked as he suddenly began tipping over sideways. Eddy let out a "Whoa!" as Ed hit the ground with a hard thud and passed out. Eddy raised an eyebrow.

"Man, Lumpy's more tired than me," he mused to himself.

Eddy suddenly lit up with excitement, having formulated an idea to rouse Ed.

"Hey! Monobrow! Man, am I glad to see ya!" Eddy proclaimed. "Now all we gotta do is find Sockhead, then it's back to scammin', just like the good old days!"

Ed's loud snoring was the reply Eddy got, as Ed was already in deep sleep.

"Buzzkill," Eddy grumbled.

However, there was no denying that Eddy was tired, too. He lay down on the ground, adjacent to Ed, and slowly drifted off back into slumber.

 **End of Part Two**


	46. 5-3: Rumble in the Jungle

**Chapter 5: The Key to Pirates**

 **Part 3: Rumble in the Jungle**

"C'mon, dudes, up 'n at 'em!" Nazz called out. "Greet the morning day!"

Edd shot up from his position inside the tent with a jolt. He pulled off his sleeping bag and rushed outside the tent to find Nazz standing there.

"Goodness sakes, Nazz, what seems to be the problem?" Edd asked her, rubbing his eyes to clear his vision and adjust to the light.

"Like, isn't it obvious, dude?" Nazz responded, turning to face him. "We gotta deploy the scouting team and explore this jungle."

"Is that all?" Edd asked her. As he rubbed the back of his head and yawned, several of the others were slowly awakening as well.

"We better get ready, guys," Nazz reminded everyone. "This is gonna be a long day."

"But why us?" Edd groaned. "There must be over thirty castaways at this campsite, give or take a few. I fail to comprehend why we're the ones who must enter this thicket of tropical unsettledness."

"Shouldn't you know this by now, Double-D?" Goombella said to him. "It's basically become the recurring pattern. Think about it. Petal Meadows. Boggly Woods. Glitzville. Twilight Town. And now here. Everywhere we've been, we've always had to be the ones to do everything. Remember? So far, we've had to defeat Hooktail the dragon, retake the Great Boggly Tree for the Punies, solve a mystery of missing Glitz Pit contenders, and lift a curse of porcine proportions from the town of perpetual twilight. It's always us."

As Goombella finished her anecdote, everyone else began to leave their tents.

"My tummy needs food," Jimmy moaned as he awoke.

"Yeah, what's for breakfast?" Koops inquired groggily.

"C'mon, guys… just ten more minutes," Eduardo Junior groaned.

Nazz continued calling for everyone to wake up, to the response of exhausted groans from the rest of the heroes. Edd, however, chose not to complain any further, since there really was no other option but to venture forth if they had any hope of finding a Crystal Star on this isolated jungle island.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Eddy was still asleep when the sun rose in the horizon. However, he was slowly brought awake by the combination of a foul smell wafting directly into his nose, and the swarm of flies that accompanied said stench. Groggily, he swatted the flies away with his hand as he slowly opened his eyes… and came face-to-face with Ed, the lovable oaf himself, who was already awake and staring him right in the face.

"Eddy!" he shouted, with the same goofy smile on his face.

"Yeah, yeah, Burr-head, it's me," Eddy groaned. "Whaddya want?"

"To adventure, Eddy!" Ed proclaimed. "We go forth into the jungle like the brave conquerors of Planet Tropickopia! Pretty please, with gravy on top?"

"What am I, your mom?" Eddy grumbled. "Go by yourself. I need my beauty sleep."

"Aw, but Eddy, it's no fun without you!" Ed complained, displaying a puppy-dog frown.

"Well, since ya put it that way, fine, Ed, we'll go exploring," Eddy grumbled as he stood up.

"Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!" Ed cheered, dancing goofily in place.

"Well, lead the way, Monobrow," Eddy told him, pointing in the direction behind Ed.

Ed just stood there like an idiot, though he was facing in the direction Eddy was pointing.

"Me?" Ed asked stupidly.

"How long ya been here, now? Shouldn't ya know this place like the back of your eyebrow by now?" Eddy complained.

"Why, may, aim-nay, I say, Eddy," Ed responded.

Eddy slapped his forehead in disbelief and frustration. "Lemme guess. You don't know a thing about this jungle place."

"Nope!" Ed replied, with his usual absentminded smile.

"Figures," Eddy groaned. "C'mon, Lumpy."

"Oh, boy, oh, goody goody!" Ed cheered stupidly.

Eddy brushed himself off and led the way into the thick jungle, with Ed following closely behind. They hadn't been in the main jungle for two minutes with the familiar sound of their stomachs rumbling stopped them.

"Man, I'm starving," Eddy complained. "Ya got any food on ya, Ed?"

"Nope! No food here, Eddy," Ed replied. "Do you, Eddy?"

"Ya know where we can find some?" Eddy asked him, growing increasingly annoyed.

"Nope! Do you, Eddy?"

"DO YA KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL?!" Eddy screamed angrily.

"A good buttock finds its own bench, Eddy!"

Eddy's frustration boiled over to the point where he was ready to strangle Ed. "Why, you- Why must you have BUTTERED TOAST FOR A BRAIN?!"

"To adventure, Eddy!" Ed shouted, ignoring Eddy's screaming.

Eddy struggled to calm down as he stared at Ed in a mixture of disbelief and anger. "Quit holdin' out on me, Lummox! I know ya know where to find food around here! I mean, how else could ya survive out here? You been here what, a week or so?"

"An apple a day keeps the bus driver away, Eddy!" Ed proclaimed.

"Eh, since it's you, you're probably livin' off your own body fat," Eddy grumbled.

He had intended this to be an insult, but instead of being offended, Ed goofily clapped back. "Right back atcha, Eddy!"

With a frustrated groan, Eddy continued to lead the way deeper into the jungle, followed by Ed, who was laughing his usual goofy laugh.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Elsewhere in the jungle, the band of heroes continued further into the thicket as they traveled away from their ramshackle shantytown in search of their missing shipmates, a feeling of worry and unease washing over much of the group. Edd, Vivian, and Eduardo Junior held the lead positions, with the small Yoshi child riding piggyback with his sock-headed "father." They were followed closely by Nazz and Mario directly behind them. Kevin, Goombella, and Rolf followed further behind, while Jimmy took the rear, himself flanked by Koops on his right and Madame Flurrie on his left. Due to the high heat and humidity level in the jungle, Jimmy had taken off his sweatshirt and tied it around his waist once more, while Flurrie tried to no avail to cool herself down by attempting to bounce a small, cooling gust of wind off of her hands – due to her hand's curvature, it instead succeeded in mussing up Jimmy's hair slightly.

"Man, it's so hot out," Nazz groaned, wiping sweat off of her brow. "Like, I'd ask if it could be any hotter, but then this place would probably take it as a challenge."

"Yeah, we're all burnin' up, Nazz, no need to closed-caption it for us," Kevin snarked.

"Oui, Madame concurs avec ze blonde mademoiselle," Flurrie added. "Ze sun, she burns like un oven."

"Ahem, I believe you meant to say, 'The sun burns _us_ like an oven,' Madame Flurrie," Edd corrected her.

"Ah, oui, young monsieur," Flurrie replied. "Madame proposes un, how vous say, dip in ze water?"

"Now, while I do find it refreshing to immerse oneself in a nice, lovely, clean, and cool body of water, none of us have brought any swimwear on our persons," Edd chided. "At any rate, it wouldn't matter, however. These waters are without a doubt home to dangerous predators. I'm assuming the piranhas, for example."

"Piranhas? As in Piranha Plants, Double-D?" Mario inquired.

"No, Mario, not Piranha _Plants_. Piranhas," Edd replied, correcting him. "A predatory species of fish known to inhabit various bodies of water in South America, known for their razor-sharp teeth."

"Huh, piranhas are-a fish in your world?" Mario inquired. "I put up with-a Piranha Plants every day."

"I suppose the Piranha Plants in this world could be a fish/plant hybrid, of sorts," Edd replied.

"Well, I-a myself have-a dealt with-a different types of-a Piranha Plants," Mario continued. "The regular ones, of-a course, but also Ptooie Piranhas, Venus Fire Traps, even-a Petey Piranha at Isle Delfino."

"Seeing as we've come across several types of Piranha Plants in our travels already, I simply must study them further," Edd marveled.

"Hey, quit dorkin' out, already! No one cares about your stupid Piranha Plant things!" Kevin groaned. "Besides, it's just a little water. It ain't gonna kill us."

"Pardon? How can you possibly say that, Kevin?!" Edd yelled. "We've almost perished at sea! This is now TWICE we've been shipwrecked in just the past week!"

"What's your point, Two-Dork?" Kevin snarked back.

"Can't we all just get along?" Jimmy cried out.

"Jimmy's right, guys. Cool it, _please_ ," Goombella chimed in.

"But come on, what can we do?" Kevin grumbled. "Look, I don't care about some stupid treasure. I just wanna go home and drive my bike."

"Poppycock, almighty-chin-faced Kevin-boy!" Rolf interjected. "We have journeyed too far now to cast aside like old bath water that has not been used for broth. Rolf says we finish what has begun."

"Yeah, Kev, Rolf's right," Nazz said rather coolly. "That being said… like, where are we?"

Nazz's question spurred Edd on to examine their current surroundings. It seemed they had wandered quite far from their shantytown and reached the heart of the jungle; and were standing at the base of a rather steep cliff overlooking the nearby lagoon. Short hills, jagged but traversable, led the way upward to minimize the need for mountain-style climbing. About halfway up the cliff, a small gap in the pathway was spanned by a rope bridge. Further up, at the top of the cliff and further ahead, Edd could barely make out a second rope bridge spanning the lagoon beneath it.

"From what can be inferred, it would seem that we are reaching the very heart of Keelhaul Key," Edd noted.

"Ooh la la, ze heart, she sounds _romantique_ ," gushed Madame Flurrie.

"On the contrary, Madame Flurrie," Edd cautioned her. "I must infer that as we travel onward through this island, the dangers shall only mount exponentially. Remain calm but vigilant, everyone, and maintain your guard at all times."

"Right," came the collective affirmation of Nazz, Vivian, and Eduardo Junior.

"Hey, what gives, Double-Dweeb? Who died and made _you_ commander?" Kevin demanded.

"Now, now, Kevin," Edd scolded him. "Granted, while I am not your commander, I _have_ been appointed as a leader back at the Glitz Pit by much of the group alongside Mario, and as such, I do believe that he and I can lead us to our ultimate goal."

"Hmph, spoken like a true dork," Kevin mused. "Besides the whole fire-shooting thing, you haven't changed at all, have you?"

"I can confirm the same thing about you, Kevin," Edd fired back. "I was hoping, against all hope, that somewhere along the line, you would have developed a conscience and at least some empathy."

"Gimme a break," Kevin snarked.

"You know what? Double-D's got a point, Kevin!" Nazz scolded. "I mean, you know why Eddy's missing, right? It's because YOU pushed him off Double-D's boat! I mean, hey, like, he could've ridden with us while Flavio's boat sank, but nooooo, YOU had to push him back into the water!" Nazz had just stopped short of giving Kevin a thorough whack upside his head, but she didn't want to create a scene, considering their current situation.

"Yeah, well, we wouldn't even _be_ in this mess in the first place if _Dorky_ hadn't dragged us all on his _stupid sailing scam_!" Kevin fired back.

Rolf was about to speak, but he held back – as did Edd and Nazz. There was no argument to this, because for once, Kevin was right. The kids of the cul-de-sac had entered this predicament because of Eddy's sailing scam – in particular, because Eddy decided to show off and take the wrong fork in the creek that led out to sea.

"People, please-a!" Mario scolded. "Let's-a get back on-a track."

Eduardo Junior suddenly shouted, "HEADS UP!"

A rock suddenly soared over their heads, missing Kevin by a hair and crashing into a nearby tree.

"Bohemian! From where did that rock come from?" Edd shouted.

"THERE!" Jimmy screamed, pointing ahead. The group's gaze was collectively shifted to a large group of enemies that had the heroes surrounded. The enemies included a horde of ten yellow Piranha Plants with red polka dots and purple teeth; ten green Fuzzies; and five ever-persistent Embers.

"We've got Putrid Piranha Plants, Green Fuzzies, and those dang Embers here!" Goombella shouted, identifying their foes. "The Putrid Piranhas can poison you with their _breath_ as well as their bite; Green Fuzzies can sap your life force, like vampire leeches; but the Embers remain the bigger threat."

"Piranhas?" asked Vivian.

"And Fuzzies?" Jimmy quipped.

"And Embers," Koops spoke up.

"Oh, my," Edd remarked, turning to face the group. "Steel yourselves, everyone. Let them make the first move."

The Putrid Piranha Plants were the first to move in for the attack. Edd concentrated for a brief moment before letting loose with his first spell:

"Flame Rain!"

By Edd's command, fireballs rained down from the sky like a meteor shower, striking all of the Putrid Piranha Plants and igniting them ablaze.

"Excellent," Edd mused.

The omnivorous plant beasts were not out, however. Before Koops could make his move, one flaming Piranha managed to bite him in the arm, causing the teenaged Koopa to cry out in pain and retreat into his shell.

"KOOPS!" came the panicked shouts of Eduardo Junior and Jimmy. The little Yoshi rushed over to Koops, only to be bitten himself by another Piranha.

"No! Eduardo!" called Edd, rushing over to his injured Yoshi child. "What have they done?"

"Toxic bite," Goombella told him. "He and Koops got it bad."

"Oh, curse my uncharacteristic unpreparedness," Edd groaned. "They need to recuperate somewhere safe."

"Madame shall bring ze petit ones back to ze camp," Flurrie said.

"Thank you, Madame," Edd told her.

Flurrie scooped up Eduardo Junior in her left hand, and Koops (still in his shell) in her right. Miraculously, despite her voluptuous figure and the added weight in her arms, the wind-spirit thespian managed to evade the attacks of the surrounding enemies and carry the injured casualties out of the battle all the way back to the shantytown. Incensed and disgusted at the attack on his "son," Edd refocused his attention on the Putrid Piranha Plants.

"Flare!" he shouted, holding out his hands with the palms face-up. At his command, a sword made entirely of flame materialized in his hands, with the "blade" in his left, and the "hilt" in his right. Taking the sword by its hilt in his right hand, Edd cut a flaming swath right through the army of Putrid Piranha Plants. The omnivorous predatory plants shrieked as the flames burned them, and they were forced to retreat before they were reduced to smoldering ash and cinders.

With the Putrid Piranhas out of the way, the Fuzzies attacked next. One Fuzzy hopped up and latched itself onto the outer area of Nazz's shoulder, sucking on her like a leech. Nazz gasped in pain as the Fuzzy continued sucking. Seeing this, Mario ran over and whacked the Fuzzy off of her with his hammer. Nazz was about to thank him, but Mario had left himself wide open after this attack – three of the remaining Fuzzies jumped him, while the other seven swirled around him with no idea of what they were doing as the plumber yelled out.

"Mario! Shield yourself!" Vivian called out, seeing this.

"What?!" he called back.

Vivian responded immediately: "Fireball!"

At her command, Vivian summoned a fireball and tossed it at the Fuzzies, sending them scattering back into the jungle with a burn status. With the Fuzzies and Putrid Piranhas out of the way, this left their most challenging foe yet – the Embers.

Analyzing their situation, Edd spoke up. "The Embers remain. As we've learned from the previous encounter, close-range attempts will only leave us with varying degrees of burns, and conflagrative maneuvers will only augment their own abilities. We may need some long-range maneuver to deal with them."

"Or," said Mario, holding out the Diamond Crystal Star, "perhaps-a we need-a to go all out."

Edd nodded in agreement. Shortly thereafter, the four Crystal Stars in the heroes' possession were distributed as follows: While Mario held the Diamond Star obtained from Hooktail's castle, Rolf took hold of the Emerald Star gifted to him by the Punies at the Great Boggly Tree. Jimmy held the Ruby Star from the Creepy Steeple, while Edd himself took possession of the Gold Star from the Glitz Pit – the only Star to date whose ability had not been utilized until now.

"Oh, I get it!" Jimmy piped up. "If we combine these four powers into one, we can deal with these fire-ghosts no problem!"

"Too risky, Boy Jimmy!" Rolf shouted. "Rolf shall move first! EMBERS! Your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft!"

With this, Rolf held up the Emerald Star to activate Clock Out, sending a time-freezing bomb which immediately exploded, freezing the Embers in time.

"Well done, Rolf!" Edd complimented. "Now allow me. We've yet to witness the abilities of the Gold Star received from Glitzville, so…"

Edd raised the Gold Star high in his hands, and the star conjured up something unusual: A panel of sorts appeared before him. The panel itself was drawn out similarly to a tic-tac-toe board, with nine squares. Within the squares, however, were specific icons. Orange arrow icons occupied the center, center-top, center-left, and bottom-right squares. Blue arrow icons occupied the top left, bottom center, and bottom-left squares, leaving the center-right and top right squares occupied by Poison Mushroom icons.

"Hmm, intriguing," Edd mused at the sight. "Now, how does this work…?"

Of course, Edd being Edd, he quickly figured out what he had to do. Reaching out with his right hand, he tapped the center orange arrow icon. The icon disappeared, but then the numeral "1" appeared on his right hand in orange. As Edd pondered the meaning of this, the rest of the group discovered the same numeral appearing on their hands as well – and in Goombella's case, on her forehead. The bewildered group began questioning this immediately.

"Um, why do I have a number 1 on my hand?" Nazz asked, looking between Edd and Goombella for an astute response.

For once, it seemed even Goombella was stumped. "Hate to say, Nazz, but you got me there."

Edd then tapped a blue arrow icon, conjuring a blue numeral "1" on his left hand, as well as the left hands of the rest of the group, and on Goombella's helmet. Catching on to the gist, he continued to choose random icons on the panel; as he did, he noticed that several icons on the panel were swapping out randomly for other icons and came dangerously close to tapping a Poison Mushroom icon which would have otherwise put him temporarily out of commission, as Mario had demonstrated with Sweet Treat back in Rogueport. After about fifteen seconds of icon-tapping, the panel disappeared, and in the final tally, Edd discovered an orange "3" and a blue "4" on his hands, Goombella's head and helmet, and everyone else's hands.

"Great, that was useless," Kevin grumbled.

"It's-a go time!" Mario proclaimed. The portly plumber held up the Diamond Star and threw it up in the air. The star grew in size and summoned an Earth Tremor; however, the significance of the orange and blue numerals from the Gold Star became apparent rather quickly, as this Earth Tremor was much stronger than usual. The sheer force of the quakes was enough to drive off a large quantity of Embers.

"Whoa, that was intense!" Nazz marveled.

Goombella, however, had suddenly realized the significance of what the Gold Star's power had just done. "Oh, I get it now! According to the number of icons Double-D tapped on the panel the Gold Star called forth, our strength and defensive capabilities have amplified! Yes! That shall be called the Power Lift!"

"Elementary, Goombella!" Edd concurred. "Now then. Jimmy?"

"Hmm, yes, all that's left now is the artist's touch!" Jimmy proclaimed in his high-pitched voice. Calling on the power of the Ruby Star, the young artist once again received a paintbrush, a palette tray, and a canvas containing the remaining Embers. Recalling the incident back at camp, Jimmy once more began drawing on the canvas, with the Ruby Star acting out each stroke of the brush.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Eddy continued his way through the jungle, growing increasingly weary and frustrated with each step. His frustration stemmed less from being lost in the jungle and more from the fact that Ed had been lagging behind him the whole way. Looking ahead, he was barely able to make out the top edge of a cliff; looking behind him, he called to Ed. "Move it, Monobrow! We're losin' daylight here!"

As Ed made his way toward Eddy, the short Ed-boy was distracted by an explosion off in the distance. Curious and pensive, Eddy made his way to the edge of the cliff and looked down, discovering what appeared to be some sort of battle down below.

"LUMPY! Make it snappy!" Eddy called back. "I think I found 'em! Take a look!"

Ed finally caught up with Eddy at the edge of the cliff and got a view of the scene himself. Of course, knowing Ed and his love of science fiction, he of course had to compare it to one of his movies.

"Ooh! Eddy, this looks like the final battle from _Zorball and the War of Planet Brezelnik_ : _The Three Part Miniseries_!" Ed proclaimed.

"Who cares? I'll just drop in on 'em!" Eddy said.

Eddy managed to grab hold of a tree vine dangling just above his head, and he pulled it down.

"C'mon, Ed!" he called, leaping off the cliff and swinging down on the vine.

"Roger Wico, Eddy!" Ed called back.

Instead of using the vine, Ed jumped high and performed a cannonball, as if jumping into water…

XXX000XXX000XXX

By now, Jimmy's Ruby Star-induced Art Attack had managed to wipe out a whole herd of Embers.

"That all of them?" Kevin asked.

"No! There's one more!" Edd called.

Vivian looked behind her and discovered one final Ember, locked onto her and zeroing in for the kill.

"Vivian! Look out!" Edd called, rushing forward to defend the former Siren and take the hit himself. But as he dashed between Vivian and the Ember, he heard the sound of someone screaming, steadily growing louder and louder. Looking up and over, he discovered Eddy, alive, swinging on the vine and yelling like Tarzan. Ultimately, Eddy made contact with the Ember, causing it to disappear. However this was not without consequence, as Eddy's body was now on fire.

"AAH! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" Eddy screamed as the Ember's flames burned him.

"Stop, drop, and roll, Eddy!" Edd shouted. "Remember your fire safety training from school!"

Eddy, for once, did as told without question; he threw himself onto the ground and started rolling around aggressively. After about ten rolls, the flames were eventually quenched, and Eddy stood up, checking himself for any severe burns before looking up to face Edd.

"Are you all right, Eddy?" Edd asked him.

Both Ed-boys were relieved to see each other alive, but before Eddy could answer, another voice rang out.

"YA-HOOOOO!"

Within a split second, something crashed into the ground hard like a meteorite, leaving a crater. Rocks, leaves, and dust shot out from the point of impact; once it cleared, Ed emerged into view.

"I am A-OK, Eddy!" Ed called.

"Ed?!" Edd called.

Looking at Edd, Ed smiled brightly.

"DOUBLE-D!" Ed yelled, wrapping Edd up in his infamous bear hugs.

"Goodness, Ed, have you been living off the jungle this entire time?" Edd asked, his voice strained.

"Yep!" Ed proclaimed proudly.

"Ed! Dude, nice seein' ya alive!" Nazz told him.

"Aw, shucks," Ed chuckled.

"Ed! You're alive!" Jimmy proclaimed. "Hey, have you seen Sarah?"

"Oafish Ed-boy!" Rolf called. "Rolf is, how you say, beyond himself with relief, yes?"

Eddy looked out of the corner of his eyes and spotted Kevin looking at him.

"How's the water, Dorky?" he chuckled.

Eddy couldn't control his rage any longer, and immediately charged him. "YOU! YOU FREAKING WANNABE KILLER!"

Eddy jumped Kevin right then and there, and the two boys came to blows as they threw violent punches and kicks. It took the combined effort of the whole group to break up the brawl; currently, Edd, Mario, and Rolf were restraining Eddy in an attempt to prevent any further violence.

"What's your problem, Dorky?" Kevin shouted.

"YOU TRIED TO KILL ME, THAT'S MY PROBLEM!" Eddy screamed back.

"Kill ya? Me? I don't know what you're talking about!" Kevin yelled.

"Ya think I'm gonna let this go?!" Eddy yelled back. "I'm gonna be all over ya like a bad itch! It's war, I tell ya!"

Right then, Eddy broke free of the group restraining him and charged Kevin again, but Vivian stepped between them with her arms out wide, stopping him long enough for Edd and Rolf to restrain him again. Her bad arm was still wrapped in the makeshift tourniquet that Edd had MacGyvered for her.

"Enough already!" Edd and Vivian called out together.

Once he was certain that everyone had settled down, Edd turned to Eddy. "While I am glad that you are alive and well, Eddy, all things considered, would you please explain to me exactly what happened?"

"Well, Sockhead, it's like this," Eddy began.

 **End of Part Three**


	47. 5-4: A Sailor's Tragedy

**Chapter 5: The Key to Pirates**

 **Part 4: A Sailor's Tragedy**

Eddy was finishing his tale of survival for the rest of the group. Currently he had concluded with his encounter with the Embers near the shoreline where he had taken a nap underneath the palm tree.

"…and that's when I finally met up with Lumpy here," Eddy finished.

"Pardon me, but where did Ed find a bow in this jungle?" asked Edd.

"Aw, this old thing?" Ed proclaimed, holding up his bow in his right hand; only then did Edd notice that his bubbly friend was wearing a quiver on his back, stocked full of arrows. "Had it all along, Double-D!"

Edd's eyes widened as the memory came back to him. "Of course! That's the same bow you discovered when Eddy was setting up his garage sale!"

"Haha, yeah, good times! As though it were only second season!" Ed proclaimed.

"But however did you manage to aim the arrow, Ed?" Edd asked him.

"Aim?"

"You know, to strike the Ember?"

"Ember?" Ed began. "Oh, oh yeah! I was walking through the thick jungle, and I found a coconut. I picked it up and said 'Hello, coconut.' Then I needed a drink, so I got this thingy and grabbed an arrow. I said 'Hello, arrow.' I put the arrow thingy into the string thingy and let it go, ZOOM! WHOOSH! HA-WHOOSH! The arrow thingy missed the coconut thingy and left me all alone. Then I heard yelling, and I found Eddy and a blue fire ghost thingy. The arrow hit the blue fire ghost thingy and made it disappear. Then I said, 'I dispense with thee, wellspring of Evil Tim!' And then I hugged Eddy, and we fell asleep 'cuz we were pooped."

"So it was just lucky that you happened to save me?" Eddy asked him.

"Yup!" proclaimed the oafish Ed-boy.

"Interesting, and very fortunate," Edd noted.

Eddy immediately rounded on Kevin. "Well, at least Ed actually did something to help! You tried to KILL ME!"

"I didn't do anything that night, and you know it!" Kevin shouted back.

"Even here, you've been nothing but a big fat shovel-chinned JERK to us!" Eddy screamed, gesturing to himself and his fellow Eds. "WHY IS THAT?!"

"'CUZ YA DESERVE IT!" Kevin screamed back. "YOU THREE DORKS ARE THE WORST FREAKS I'VE EVER MET! Why don't ya just go back to illegal scam-artist junk?!"

Nazz suddenly grabbed Kevin by the arm. He wheeled around to face her, only to be met with a swift and hard punch to his face. The impact was hard enough to fling Kevin backward into the cliff wall, after which he dropped face-first on the ground.

"I have HAD IT!" Nazz screamed. "Even _Eddy_ 's showing signs of maturity! Why is it so hard FOR YOU TO GROW UP, TOO?!"

Nazz's face turned beet-red as she unleashed rage that Edd surmised had clearly been bottled up for some time now, causing the group to back away nervously out of fear that she would misdirect her anger. Even Kevin sensed this, and as he climbed to his feet, he also backed away from her, sweating and holding his injured jaw with both hands.

"Man, Double-D's right. You haven't changed at all!" she yelled. "I'd say you should be ashamed of yourself, but shame's probably foreign to you!"

"What?! Nazz, c'mon, why you takin' the dorks' side?!" Kevin protested.

He had said the wrong thing. Nazz positioned her face mere inches from his, seething all the way. " _Excuse me_?! Kevin Guiry, there is only _one_ dork in this conversation, and I'm _looking at him_! And right now, I can't _stand him_! I can't even _look_ at you right now."

Kevin felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he struggled to absorb Nazz's angry words.

"You're still the same self-absorbed jerk you've always been!" Nazz concluded, pointing in the direction of the camp. "Since you refuse to grow up, just go back to camp! NOW!"

Kevin was at a loss for words. An array of mixed feelings including rage, terror, desperation, and for the first time, heartbreak coursed through his body like a virus. Regaining his mobility, he took one slow step back, followed by another. On his third step, he wheeled around and broke out into a run, all the way back to camp. Everyone else stood silently, slack-jawed and their eyes wide as saucers, surprised at an outburst not expected from the spunky blonde. The Eds, in particular, were quite astonished, as she had never actively defended the three of them before.

After a few seconds, Nazz finally calmed down, her face returning to its usual skin color. She turned to the others, finding them staring at her in shock.

"I'm sorry you had to see all that," she said.

"Eh, it's a long time comin'," Eddy mused.

"I'm with Eddy on this," Goombella added. "I didn't know him long enough, but he's been mean and hostile to us at different points. Remember, he worked for _Doopliss_."

"Yes, how can I forget?" Edd snarked sarcastically. "Now let's review our current status."

He looked around at the rest of the group who remained. So far, Koops, Eduardo Junior, and Madame Flurrie were back at the shantytown; Kevin had just been sent back there by an angry Nazz, while Ed and Eddy had literally dropped in. As a result, this left Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Mario, Goombella, Vivian, and the three Eds.

"Now that those of us who remain are accounted for, we should continue onward and finish scouting the area," Edd said before turning to Mario. "Mario?"

"Yes?"

"Would you please kindly bring Ed back to camp?" Edd asked him. "He desperately needs nourishment."

Mario nodded and motioned for Ed to follow him. The portly jumpman left to return to camp, with the lovable oafish Ed-boy laughing goofily as he followed behind. Once Mario and Ed were out of sight, Edd turned to face Eddy.

"I must admit, Eddy, that was very convenient of you to just show up the way you did," Edd told him.

"Just comin' through in a clutch, Sockhead," Eddy told him, patting him on the back.

"Now then, let's continue, shall we?" Edd called. "It seems Eddy and Ed had arrived from the very top of this precipice. That should be our way forward."

Edd brushed himself off and led the way to the top of the cliff, from where Eddy and Ed had literally dropped in, with Vivian following directly behind him; she, in turn, was followed next by Eddy, who was himself followed by Goombella, her crush on him becoming slowly obvious; Rolf and Nazz followed closely behind as the son of a shepherd kept a sharp eye on Vivian, while Jimmy took up the rear, with his hand in Nazz's hand.

"Man, seriously, Eddy, you have no idea how glad I am to see you alive," Goombella told Eddy.

"Thanks, I guess," Eddy replied as he and the Goomba scholar exchanged smiles.

"So, like, how'd you end up here?" Goombella asked.

"Well, like I said, once I got outta the boat, I washed up on the beach," Eddy told her.

"Yes, and apart from Ed, have you found anything else?" Edd asked him. "Any clues, any other survivors, and the like?"

"Nope, just Lumpy and then you guys," Eddy told him.

"Well, while I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that both you and Ed are safe, sound, and alive," Edd lamented, "that still leaves at least three missing sailors still unaccounted for."

"Yeah. Ralph T. the Toad lookout, that weirdo Four-Eyes, and Admiral Bobbery," Goombella recalled.

"Correct," said Edd.

"I mean, it's possible that they probably washed ashore like we did," Goombella continued.

"Or they probably went down with the ship," Eddy pointed out.

"Eddy-" began Edd. Unfortunately, as much as Edd would have wanted to scold him for that remark, Eddy had a valid point. As of yet, there was no indication, no evidence to prove whether the missing sailors survived the Ember assault or drowned in the shipwreck.

"Good Lord, this has spiraled so far out of control," Edd groaned. "First, a barbaric and as-of-yet-unexplained disturbance in our world's weather mysteriously brought us separately to our world. Then Rolf was devoured by a gargantuan dragon; poor Jimmy's been severely traumatized and a tribe of Punies sacred to Rolf's Old Country nearly lost their home… for all we know, King K and Bandy Andy back in Glitzville still remain in intensive care at the hospital, along with many other Glitz Pit fighters…"

Edd paused as he recalled Bandy Andy and King K, whom he had found in a state of near-death as the latest victims of ex-promoter Grubba Gulperin's life-force-draining machine. As far as he knew, they and many other fighters remained comatose.

"Vivian here has suffered needless abuse, with a broken arm among multiple copious injuries to show for it," Edd lamented. Vivian looked at her broken arm, which still hadn't completely healed – a jarring and scarring reminder of the harrowing abuse and punishment she had been forced to endure from her vile sisters.

Edd concluded: "And now this."

"Ah, don't be too down in the dumps there, Sockhead," Eddy told him. "One way or another, it'll work out. It always does."

"While I do appreciate your attempt to lift our spirits, Eddy, you seem to have forgotten the less-than-favorable outcomes of our misguided misadventures in the cul-de-sac," Edd reminded him.

"Oh… well, they weren't all bad," Eddy said, waving his hand.

Edd responded by giving Eddy a look that said, "Oh, puh-lease."

The group continued traveling through the jungle in silence. Minutes passed as they did so, which felt like hours to them, as they searched for anything important or out of the ordinary. As they ventured onward, Jimmy suddenly felt very woozy, and with a strained groan, collapsed on the ground.

"Jimmy?" Nazz called in worry.

"Oh, dear! Jimmy, are you well?" Edd asked worriedly.

"I… feel... d-dry…" Indeed, Jimmy struggled to get the words out, his breathing and high-pitched voice sounding dry and gravelly.

"Poor thing's dehydrated," Goombella noted. "He needs nourishment, fast."

"Rolf shall take Boy Jimmy back to the encampment," Rolf proclaimed. The son of a shepherd scooped the unconscious, dehydrated Jimmy in his arms and carried him all the way back in the direction of the camp. As he walked, Rolf said to Jimmy, "Let Rolf nurture you with a bowl of Nana's pre-chewed seven-course dinner!"

Once they were out of sight, Edd looked around at the remaining explorers in the group: It was now down to himself, Eddy, Nazz, Vivian, and Goombella. With their numbers dwindling, Edd wondered briefly if they should continue exploring the jungle. After a few seconds deep in thought, Edd shook his head. Before he could speak, however, Eddy chimed in.

"Okay, it's down to five of us, Sockhead," he told Edd. "I say we call it a day and head back to camp. I need my beauty sleep."

"And a lot of it, too, I might add," Goombella chuckled.

"Very well then, Eddy," Edd agreed. "With our numbers dwindling as they are, perhaps it's for the best."

Edd and the remaining explorers turned in the direction of the camp and had barely taken two steps when a voice suddenly called out to them.

"OY! A LITTLE HELP HERE!"

Springing to action, the five explorers doubled back in the direction of the voice, arriving at a second rope bridge. Smack dab in the center of the bridge were the people whose fate had remained ambiguous until now, whom they had hoped to see: Four-Eyes, Ralph T., and Admiral Bobbery. Unfortunately, they were surrounded on all sides by a horde of Embers.

"These accursed ghosts! Blast it all!" Bobbery cursed.

Edd and his friends immediately rushed over to them; as they did, several Embers turned to face Edd's group.

"By Blubberly's blotches! Young Eddward and friends! Ye be alive 'n well!" Bobbery called.

"Admiral Bobbery!" Edd called back. "Do you require assistance? These Embers are dangerous!"

"Arr, yea, ye came just in the nick o' time there, boy!" Bobbery called. "Take Four-Eyes 'n this young Toad 'n get 'em outta here, on the double!"

"But what about you?" Edd asked, worried.

"Yeah, he be right, Admiral!" Ralph T. agreed. "Ye gotta escape, too!"

"Nay! Ye gotta run! I'll be keepin' these ghouls busy!" Bobbery yelled. "Now git goin' 'n flee, 'n leave me to be doin' what I gotta! _That's an order_! Away wit yeh!"

"Well, Bobbery thinks it's the right thing to do, so what're we waitin' for?" Four-Eyes stated.

Four-Eyes and Ralph T. wasted no time and bolted in Edd's direction, away from Bobbery and the Embers, but had neglected to notice Edd had begun to cross the bridge toward them. In their rush, the tall sailor and the Toad sailor accidentally barreled into Edd with enough force to render him unconscious. Thankfully, Ralph T. had looked back and taken notice, and alerted Four Eyes, who promptly carried Edd back to the group as they left Bobbery to face the Embers on his own…

XXX000XXX000XXX

Four-Eyes and Ralph T. successfully escaped back into the jungle, away from the bridge. Edd regained consciousness with Four-Eyes, Ralph T. and Vivian close to him; Nazz, Eddy, and Goombella stood only mere feet away. Ralph T. was on the verge of tears.

"Oh, Admiral Bobbery," he cried. "Please, forgive our cowardice…"

"Bobbery? We left him alone against the Embers! Whatever became of him?" Edd asked, worried.

"We… just up and left him there," Ralph T. cried. "Everything was just happening so fast, and… Oh, Bobbery, please forgive us!"

Unable to bring himself to say anymore, Ralph T. broke down crying and ran off into the jungle, unknowingly in the direction of Flavio's camp.

"Oh, Admiral Bobbery… if only we could have assisted you in some way," Edd lamented.

"…I guess I'd better be goin', too," said Four-Eyes.

He turned and began to follow Ralph T.'s path through the jungle, but stopped after three steps and turned to face no one in particular, pointing forward as he spoke.

"Hey! You!" he said. "Yeah, you people readin' this here fanny-fictiony-thingy, or whatever they call 'em. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you! It might be obvious to you who I really am, especially if ya played that there 'original game' thingy, uh, what was it called again? Well, anyway, it might be obvious to youse who I am, but don't go tellin' these peoples. Or else!"

Four-Eyes then turned and continued through the jungle after Ralph T., also unknowingly making his way to Flavio's camp. Unbeknownst to him, however, Edd and his friends were still nearby, and had heard just about every word of his monologue.

"'You people readin' this here fanny-fictiony-thingy?'" Eddy asked.

"'Original game?'" Nazz puzzled. "What'd he mean by that?"

"Perhaps it's an instance of a phenomenon known as 'breaking the fourth wall," Edd replied as he climbed to his feet. "We've had multiple instances of that on our show."

"I think you broke the fourth wall on that statement alone, Double-D," Vivian quipped.

"Oooookay then," Goombella remarked. "What now? Do we go back, too?"

"We cannot return to our campsite knowing that our comrade is currently facing a horde of Embers all by his lonesome!" Edd admonished her. "We must assist Admiral Bobbery however we can!"

Edd and his friends raced back to the bridge, with Nazz dragging the unwilling Eddy by his arm and Goombella admonishing him. Upon arrival, they noticed that Bobbery and the Embers were gone.

"Hey! Where'd they go?!" Eddy yelled as they arrived at the bridge. "Also, Sockhead, what do we do with those Ember things anyway?"

"Good question, Eddy," Edd replied. "Hopefully, Admiral Bobbery has found some clever way to weaken them. Should that be the case, we should be able to return fire and depose the Embers without much of a problem."

Goombella suddenly shouted; "GUYS! LOOK! OVER THERE!"

Edd and the others shifted their gaze to the other side of the bridge, where Goombella was indicating, and discovered three Embers circling a lone palm tree. Upon closer inspection, they discovered that Admiral Bobbery had begun climbing the tree, and the Embers had him surrounded.

"Oh, dear! They must have chased poor Bobbery up the palm tree!" Edd exclaimed.

Eddy suddenly darted ahead of the group, but was pulled back by Vivian with her good arm.

"Hey! What gives?" Eddy groaned.

"Embers are made of flame, Eddy!" Edd admonished. "We can't make direct contact with them, lest we get burned. We cannot use the Ruby Star, either, due to it being in Jimmy's possession. Vivian and I also cannot utilize our pyrokinetic prowess, since that will only strengthen the Embers. It seems we'll need to get creative and devise an alternate means of attack."

"What do you have in mind, Double-D?" asked Goombella.

Edd looked around the jungle, hoping to find something that would help him. Eventually, he found what he needed, and thought, _There_!

"I've got it!" Edd proclaimed. "I've got a plan, but I'll need you four to direct the attention of the Embers away from Admiral Bobbery as a distraction to buy me some time. Please trust me on this!"

"Got it!" replied everyone but Eddy.

"Whatever," Eddy mused, unenthused.

Edd darted off in the direction of what he needed for his plan to work, while the others shifted their focus to the Embers and approached them. Eddy made his move first.

"HEY! BONFIRE-HEADS!"

This got the attention of the Embers, and they immediately rounded on Eddy, who realized just a second too late that he had no means of self-defense. Wasting no time, they immediately charged Eddy, who closed his eyes and yelped as he braced for the inevitable burning… but instead, he heard someone else yelp in pain. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see Goombella standing in front of him in his defense. Eddy could only marvel at this display of selflessness from the Goomba scholar as she blocked each Ember's attack with her helmet. Before long, the Embers backed away from Goombella, leaving her kneeling in considerable pain; however, it was her helmet that bore the brunt of the Embers' assault, steam rising out of its charred sections.

"Whoa! You all right, Eddy?" Goombella asked him.

"Uh, y-yeah," Eddy replied. "Thanks for that. I owe ya one, Goomba-babe." As he said this, he helped her back onto her feet, and the two shared a smile.

Meanwhile, the three Embers began to ready themselves for another assault.

"They're about to move on us again," Nazz cautioned. "Any ideas?"

"Well, we can't take them head-on, but we do still outnumber them," Vivian told her. "Everybody, split up!"

"Good idea," Nazz agreed.

Gazing toward the Embers, Nazz took a deep breath and performed a few somersaults toward her right, a simple feat as she was quite limber from cheerleading practice and a strict workout regimen. As she locked eyes with the Ember, she narrowed her eyes and struck a fighter's stance, motioning for the central Ember to approach. It worked, as one of the Embers took the bait and promptly broke from the trio to engage the feisty blonde cheerleader. At the same time, a second Ember engaged Vivian, while the remaining Ember had trouble deciding between Eddy and Goombella.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Nazz and her Ember wasted no time and had immediately begun combat, with the spunky girl carefully evading each and every attack from the Ember. The foe even tried to attack her legs and feet, but she quickly anticipated this and leapt out of the way, during which several rocks over the top of a nearby hill caught her eye. Upon landing, she darted toward the rocks, with the Ember in hot pursuit. Arriving at the rocks, Nazz wedged the tips of her feet beneath some rather heavy rocks that were small enough that they weren't boulder-heavy before facing the Ember, who had stopped about a yard and a half away from her.

Seeing that the Ember wasn't moving, Nazz taunted: "Hey! What's the holdup? I'm not moving! This is your chance!"

The Ember, as it turned out, had been building up power as it remained stationary; the power was then unleashed in the form of small, bullet-like sparks launched from its spectral flaming body.

As the sparks darted toward her, Nazz quickly thought, _Dang_ , _I must be nuts_!

Acting on split second thoughts, Nazz continued to balance herself using the rocks under which she wedged the tips of her feet as she leaned back to dodge the first spark, which flew right over her head. The remaining sparks came at her, bit by bit, but she twisted her body accordingly to evade each one, re-creating the iconic slow-motion dodging scene from _The Matrix_.

 _Wow_ , _that actually worked_ , she thought to herself. She stood back upright and returned her gaze to the Ember, realizing that she had confused her foe, who was now behind her and facing away.

"HEY! HOTSHOT!" she called.

The Ember turned and faced her, but it had no time to react before Nazz kicked her feet, dislodging the rocks and sending them careening after the spectral enemy. The rocks struck the Ember quickly, eradicating the spectral flame upon impact. Nazz breathed a sigh of relief and congratulated herself on a job well done.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Vivian, however, wasn't quite having the luck that Nazz had. She was desperately trying to outrun the Ember that gave chase behind her, leaving a trail of fire in its wake due to its proximity to the ground. Before long, she found herself back at the clearing where they had fought their previous all-out battle; almost immediately, she found Edd kneeling by the pond, mumbling to himself. She surmised that Edd was devising a plan of sorts, and quickly ran to him.

"DOUBLE-D! HELP!" she called to him, grabbing his attention.

Edd turned to face Vivian, quickly discovering the Ember and its trail of fire behind her. On the spot, he formulated a plan.

"Quickly, Vivian! I have an idea! Grab something sturdy and maintain your grip!" Edd told her.

Quickly, Vivian reached for a nearby palm tree while Edd pointed at the water and shouted:

"Pathi-Flare!"

With this spell, Edd fired a huge blast at the pond of water, strangely creating an immense tidal wave that ran aground over the jungle, sweeping the area and instantly destroying the Ember that had pursued Vivian.

XXX000XXX000XXX

The remaining Ember still couldn't decide whether to pursue Eddy or Goombella. They had gotten bored by this point, and resorted to deriving some amusement at the expense of the indecisive Ember. As they did so, Eddy suddenly noticed shade coming over them.

"Hey, is it getting dark?" he asked.

Goombella whimpered as she saw a glimpse of what was coming toward them.

"What's with you?" Eddy asked.

The sound of rushing water could be heard, getting louder and louder. Goombella was looking up fearfully, and Eddy finally followed her gaze… and the color drained from his face at the sight of the tidal wave approaching them ferociously.

Goombella screamed: "TSUNAMI!"

The boy and the Goomba girl began screaming, only to be cut off as the tsunami-like wave crashed over them.

As quickly as the wave came, it passed just as quickly. Eddy and Goombella were flat on the ground, groaning and coughing. The Ember that couldn't decide which of them to pursue was gone, extinguished by the crashing water. As Eddy climbed to his feet and helped Goombella onto hers, Edd and Vivian rejoined them seconds later, their hats pushed over their faces; they, too, were drenched as they returned their respective hats to their original positions, with Edd making sure to obscure his Eye of Wisdom from view. Finally, they were joined by Nazz, who, like the rest of the group, was soaked. Her eyes were wide as saucers as she tilted her head until she locked eyes with Edd.

"Like, what was that?" she groaned, her voice quivering. "That, like, so messed up my hair!"

"Hey, look!" Eddy called, pointing back at the palm tree.

The group darted back over to the palm tree and discovered an equally-drenched and exhausted Admiral Bobbery.

"Oh, dear, the poor fellow must have been swept right off of the tree!" Edd exclaimed.

The group rushed over to Bobbery, who was coughing.

"Admiral Bobbery? Are you well?" Edd asked him with concern.

"Oh… Eddward, child… and his comrades," Bobbery coughed. "I guess those blokes got me a bit better than I thought… 'Twas noble o' yeh to be savin' me, it was…"

"At least your safe, Mr. Admiral Bobbery," Nazz told him.

"Man, you're so beat up," Eddy commented. "What happened, man?"

The only response Eddy got to that question was Bobbery's exhausted, pained groan.

"Please come with us, Admiral," Edd said. "Once we bring you back to camp, the inn keeper, who also doubles as the camp physician, should be able to nurse you back to health."

Bobbery looked up, a tear forming in his right eye. "Aye… yer too kind, lad… but alas, nay, I cannot."

"Ah, yes, of course. Perhaps if we were to carry you?" Edd offered.

"Yeh don't understand, boyo… I shan't go wit' yeh 'cuz… 'cuz I won't be makin' it."

"Oh, my, whatever do you…?" Edd was cut off before he could finish his question.

"I'm too old a sailor for this," Bobbery groaned.

"C'mon, Mr. Admiral, dude, you can fight it!" Nazz assured him. "You can do it! You're a tough man!"

"Aye, yer words are too kind… but alas, nay, I… I ain't tough enough there, lassie…" Bobbery coughed. "Thank ye all fer… fer convincin' me to… to sail the seas… fer one last time…"

"No… Admiral… please," Edd cried.

"At least I'll…" Bobbery coughed. "I'll be wit'… wit' me beloved Scarlette…"

"No…" Vivian whimpered.

"Aye…" Bobbery wheezed. "Perhaps in… in me heart, I wanted th-this day to-to come…"

"Please! You can't..." Edd pleaded.

"…I've fulfilled the f-final wish fr-from me beloved S-Scarlette," Bobbery said weakly. "Methinks me life is-is complete. I even managed to-to help out th-the lot o' yeh… just… as me last request… lay by me body the-the Chuckola Cola I would-would've had… to-to celebrate me reachin' this island… me last memory o' Scarlette… the love o' me life…"

Nazz could no longer hold in her tears, and she buried her face in her hands as she cried profusely. As much as Eddy tried to hide it, tears had begun forming in his eyes as well.

"Ye made me life worth livin' again…" Bobbery said weakly. "And fer that… I thank y'all."

Bobbery slowly closed his eyes and became motionless.

"No!" Vivian cried. "Please! Stay with us!"

But it was no use. There was no response. As far as they knew, there would not be a response… for as far as they were concerned, Admiral Bobbery was gone.

As the reality of their situation sank in, Vivian's floodgates broke, and she began sobbing uncontrollably. Edd, who was also crying, pulled both her and Nazz into an emotional group embrace as they mourned their friend. Eddy had to look away to make sure no one could see him crying, as Goombella sobbed into his shirt.

"We… we arrived too late," Edd cried, his voice quivering as he spoke.

He slowly pulled away from the group embrace and slammed his fist on the ground out of grief and frustration. "It's not fair! Admiral Bobbery, he… he was honorable… he was a noble seafaring man, who sacrificed his own life for the safety of others... Why… why had we not arrived sooner… Why…?"

Edd, unable to hold in his grief, screamed at the top of his lungs. "WHYYYYYYYY?!"

Nazz and Vivian wrapped him back into the center of a group embrace as he cried on their shoulders. At the same time, Eddy finally gave in wholly to his own grief and embraced Goombella for emotional support.

After about seven minutes of tears and crying, everyone had begun to calm down slightly, though they were still in mourning for their comrade.

"We should… we should take this time to pay our respects to this honorable man," Edd told everyone, his voice still quivering. "Everyone, a moment of silence, please."

Everyone stood in silence and bowed their heads in respect for Bobbery. Behind Edd, Nazz had clasped her hands together in a silent prayer, while Vivian and Edd held each other's hands.

Once the moment was over, Vivian took the moment to speak.

"We… we should bring his body back to the camp, so we can… so we can arrange a proper funeral for him," she said.

"You're right, Vivian," Edd agreed. "It's the least we can do for him now."

Edd, Nazz, and Vivian scooped up Admiral Bobbery as best as they could and, followed by Eddy and Goombella, they began the trek back to their shantytown to break the news to their friends and prepare a funeral service for the admiral.

 **End of Part Four**


	48. 5-5: Bright New Hopes

**Chapter 5: The Key to Pirates**

 **Part 5: Bright New Hopes**

It had been some time since Edd, Eddy, Nazz, Vivian, and Goombella returned to the camp with the body of their fallen comrade, Admiral Bobbery. Emotions ran high as the group processed their loss. Of course, none took it harder than Jimmy, who was sobbing loudly and uncontrollably as the newly-recovered Koops comforted him; the teenaged Koopa couldn't help but cry as well. Eduardo Junior rejoined Edd, who embraced his "child" tearfully, while Kevin had shut himself away inside the tent after Nazz had yelled at him earlier. Mario had bowed his head in silence, while Madame Flurrie had pulled Koops and Jimmy into her embrace, pulling the two boys out of their own.

"Zut alors," Flurrie cried. "Ze world, she is un maîtresse cruelle, n'est-ce pas?"

"Huh?" Jimmy sobbed.

"She… she said the world's a cruel mistress, little buddy," Koops cried.

Jimmy said nothing in response, but continued sobbing, his tears flowing like a fountain.

"Young Monsieur Kevin, he won't leave ze tent," Flurrie noted.

"Yeah, I, uh… I sort of screamed at him earlier 'cuz he was bein' a jerk," Nazz told her.

"Never in all-a my adventures have-a things come-a to this," Mario lamented.

Vivian placed the hand of her good arm on Edd's shoulder as she, too, struggled to fight back tears and hold herself together. Edd took a glance at Eduardo Junior, and then at Jimmy; both of them were still crying, but Jimmy was crying the hardest.

"This is madness,' he lamented, returning his gaze to Vivian, who was too upset to respond. "Jimmy and Eduardo are innocent children. They shouldn't have to suffer any traumatic experiences such as this…"

Edd pulled Junior closer to him as Vivian wrapped her good arm around the two, pulling them into a group hug; in this way, the three appeared as if a family coming together as they grieved the loss of their dear comrade, around whose body the group remained gathered…

XXX000XXX000XXX

 _Admiral Bobbery felt himself drifting_. _Separated from his mortal body_ , _he continued to drift onward_ , _surrounded by blackness_. _As he drifted_ , _he felt surprisingly comfortable and at peace_ , _all his worries melting away_. _A smile slowly began to adorn his mustachioed face as a bright light materialized before him_.

" _Aye_ , _it seems I be on me way to the great beyond_ ," _he mused_. " _I_ ' _m comin_ ', _Scarlette_ …"

 _As Bobbery drifted toward the light_ , _he heard a voice_. _It was the faint echo of a kindly_ , _feminine voice_ , _a voice he recognized immediately_. " _It_ ' _s not your time_ , _my love_ …"

 _From the bright light_ , _a shape drifted closer into focus_. _Bobbery gasped as the image before him made_ _herself known to him_.

" _Aye_ , _can it be_ …? _Scarlette_ …"

 _As the shape came closer to Bobbery_ , _he strained his eyes to see more clearly who it was_ _and gasped at the sight_. _He saw a rose_ - _colored Bob_ - _omb floating in front of him_ , _with wavy blonde hair and glimmering blue eyes_ , _as well as a set of angelic wings on her back and a golden halo above her head_ ; _this was the spirit of his dearly departed beautiful wife_ , _Scarlette_.

" _Bobbery_ , _my love_ …"

 _Bobbery felt tears forming in his eyes as his dearly-departed wife drew closer_.

" _Ay_ , _I be here now_ , _me love_ ," _he affirmed._ " _I can touch yeh_ , _I can speak to yeh_ …"

" _Bobbery_ , _my love_ ," _came Scarlette_ ' _s response_. " _With all my heart_ , _I love you_ … _and it_ ' _s for this reason that you cannot yet join me in the great beyond_ …"

" _Ye say what now_?" _Bobbery asked_. " _Please, Scarlette_ …"

" _I love you more than ever_ , _but it_ ' _s not your time yet_ , _my love_."

 _Bobbery_ ' _s tears began streaming more intensely as Scarlette spoke these words to him_. _What did she mean, it wasn_ ' _t his time_ _yet_? _All he wanted more than anything was to be reunited with his beloved Scarlette_ , _and now that it had finally happened_ , _she was telling him he couldn_ ' _t yet join her in the great beyond_. _Why was she telling him this_?

" _Please_ , _me dear Scarlette_ , _ye are everything that I_ _e_ ' _er lived fer_!" _Bobbery cried out_.

" _Then please_ , _I beseech you_ , _return to life_ ," _she implored him_.

" _But why should we part so soon once again_?" _he begged her_. " _I only just returned to yeh_ … _I ne_ ' _er want to make the mistake o_ ' _leavin_ ' _yeh again_!"

 _Bobbery and Scarlette floated closer to one another_ , _his tears flowing like mountain streams from his eyes_.

" _Please_ , _my love_ ," _Scarlette implored him_. " _There are people who need you more than I do_. _You still have a life that_ ' _s worth living_. _Now go and live that life_. _I can wait_. _Promise me this_ , _please_."

" _But Scarlette_ , _me love_ … _I_ ' _ve died_ ' _n shuffled off the mortal coil_ ," _Bobbery said_.

" _You haven_ ' _t died_ , _my love_ ," _Scarlette reminded him_. " _You've merely given up the will to live_."

 _Bobbery remained silent as he absorbed Scarlette_ ' _s words_.

" _I will wait for you_ , _my love_ ," _Scarlette reaffirmed_. " _Whenever you gaze at the glimmering starlight_ , _I will look back upon you_. _Whenever you sail the oceans blue_ , _I shall be the gentle breeze that guides your vessel_. _As long as we hold each other in our hearts_ … _we shall never be apart._ "

 _Scarlette moved closer to Bobbery_ ' _s face, bridging the gap between them_ , _and the two lovers shared one final gentle_ , _sweet kiss. After about fifteen seconds_ , _Scarlette pulled away slowly_ , _smiling warmly_.

" _In my lifetime_ , _you gave your love to me_ ," _she told him_. " _Now share that love with the world_."

"… _Scarlette_ ," _Bobbery cried_.

" _I must go now_ , _my love_ , _and so must you_ ," _Scarlette said_ _as she began floating backwards_ , _away from him as she returned to the afterlife_.

" _No_! _Scarlette_! _Please_!"

 _Right then and there_ , _the figure of Scarlette disappeared in a burst of bright light_. _Bobbery continued to float where he was_ , _still facing the direction where Scarlette was_ , _as he absorbed Scarlette_ ' _s final sentiments, tears streaming from his eyes_. _Scarlette had urged him to continue living his life_ , _while he wanted to just be with her_. _He was faced with this choice as she returned to the great beyond_ : _Should he give up his life_ , _or should he continue to live out his life until his time comes_?

XXX000XXX000XXX

The grieving band of heroes remained gathered around Bobbery's body in a silent vigil when they were surprised by a low groaning.

"…ay… Scarlette…"

Each of the heroes opened their eyes wide at the sight: Admiral Bobbery, who they had thought dead, had miraculously returned to life!

"Admiral Bobbery?!" Edd was the first to find his voice again, his face bearing a smile of relief.

"…Aye, boyo, 'tis I," Bobbery chuckled softly. "What, ye thought I'd shuffled off this mortal coil?"

"All right, he's alive!" cheered Eduardo Junior. "Whoo-hoo!"

"Either that or a zombie," Eddy quipped softly.

"Oh, YAY!" Jimmy cheered. "Look, Koops!"

"I see it too, Jimmy!" Koops reaffirmed.

"It takes, like, a real strong spirit to keep up the fight," Nazz philosophized.

"I can agree on that," Vivian added.

"Oh, happy day, happy day!" Flavio cheered. "Nurse! Get this man healed up, stat!"

"And bring me a Chuckola Cola, too!" Bobbery proclaimed. "'Twas seen by me mates as a 'last request' as it were…"

"Yes, sir!" said the nurse, who doubled as the innkeeper, as she promptly escorted Bobbery inside the inn tent to recuperate while fighting back her own tears of joy.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Thank'ee there, lass," said Bobbery to the innkeeper nurse as she provided him with Flavio's last bottle of Chuckola Cola. "I owe yeh one fer bringin' the life back to this ol' salty sea dog."

"It wasn't me, Admiral, sir," the nurse replied. "Sure, proper medication is important, as are the adhesives for your wounds, but they don't compare to the power of the spirit. You have a spirit unlike any that I've seen, and for that, your survival is a miracle. I'm very humbled to have helped you."

Bobbery looked up with a smile as he took a swig of Chuckola Cola from the bottle.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Well, I'm certainly relieved that Admiral Bobbery and all of our dear comrades are alive and well," Edd noted.

"Ditto, dude," Nazz piped up.

"Shall we continue onward, then?" Edd inquired.

"But where should we go around here?" Goombella inquired.

"Ahoy!" came a gruff pirate-like voice from the tent. "Why are yeh standin' round?"

Everyone turned to find Admiral Bobbery approaching them, alive, well, and rather chipper.

"Admiral Bobbery, I must tell you, it's quite the relief to see you alive and well," Edd noted.

"What can I say, boyo? This salty ol' Bob-omb still got some life in him," Bobbery laughed. "Now let's seek the pirates' treasure."

"I take it you'll be joining us full-time, then?" Edd asked.

"Aye, lad," Bobbery confirmed. "I'm certain me sea legs 'n explosive personality'll be rather useful. And besides, I feel like this is how me Scarlette would've wanted it."

Edd smiled. "Well, then, welcome aboard, Admiral Bobbery."

"Yes, yes, once again, welcome back to you, Bobbery!" Flavio gushed. "Do you know how saddened we were as we mistook your despair for death? Why, my stomach has been most upset. I must worry about everyone here, but does anyone worry for Flavio? Nope! Besides, for the sake of the blue briny sea, we've no way back to civilization!"

Unbeknownst to the others, Kevin had made his way to the tent entrance, hoping for a chance to reconcile with Nazz.

"Might this ol' sea dog offer a bit o' advice?" Bobbery chimed in.

"Certainly, Admiral," Edd replied.

"Well, first off, Flavio needs to silence his word gate," Bobbery chuckled, turning to Flavio. "By the way, that means yer mouth."

"Take that, poofy," laughed Eduardo Junior, pointing at Flavio.

"And the second piece of advice, Admiral?" Edd inquired.

"Aye. In relation to that thar Crystal Star yeh be talkin' about… When I was wit' Four Eyes 'n Ralph T out yonder, I beheld wit' me own eyes an amazin' sight near the pinnacle o' the isle," said Bobbery.

"What sort of sight?" Vivian asked.

"Some strange ruins, I'd wager," Bobbery explained. "Two odd statues, very odd. And on the cliffside, I be seein' a stone carvin' in the shape o' a skull. One of the holes in its eyes be hollow. Call it a sea bomb's intuition, but methinks it to be sort o' suspicious."

"Ah, yes, of course, I believe I understand," Edd piped up. "Where better would a pirate hide his treasure than in some secret hollow?"

"So how do we get in?" Eddy asked, dollar signs in his eyes. "Man, the sooner we find this treasure, the sooner I'll be rich!"

"Eddy! Control yourself!" Edd chastised. "Bobbery, once more, if you will. You mentioned a stone carving in the shape of a skull? Indented, yes?"

"That be what 'carved' means, lad," Bobbery chuckled. "But the key to fit there needs to match the skull shape… where would one find such a key?"

The entire group scratched their chins in thought as they tried to understand what Bobbery was referring to as a supposed key. After what seemed like ten seconds, Rolf finally spoke up.

"Ho-ho!" he exclaimed. "Mister Fancy-Pants Flavio!"

"Oh yeah!" Jimmy added. "Mr. Flavio has a red skull gem thingy! It's gaudy… but he has one!"

"Hmm… what's this now?" Flavio piped up; his name having been mentioned. "Does someone ask for Flavio? Speak up, now!"

"Erm… yes, in fact… as strange as this may seem, Mr. Flavio," Edd said, "we in fact require your assistance, indeterminate its capacity may be, in order to obtain the Crystal Star said to be on this island."

"Pardonez-moi?!" Flavio protested. "I do not know what is out there, waiting to lurch in and snack upon me! Me oh my, I knew from the start that this was a fool's folly!"

"Please, Flavio! I'm afraid we have no other option," Edd pleaded. "The sooner we obtain what we came here for, the sooner we can find a way off of this island!"

"No! No! NO! I am NOT going out in that jungle, and you can't make me!" Flavio grumbled, pointing at everyone in the group.

"I say we bring-a him," said Mario.

"Oui, Madame concurs avec mon petit Mario," said Flurrie. She sidled closer to Mario rather seductively, making the portly plumber slightly uncomfortable. "Ze monsieur Bobbery, he taught zis to all of us, n'est-ce pas?"

"I say we put it to a vote," chimed in Vivian.

"…Well, yes, you have a point. Let us indeed decide on this fair and square!" Flavio agreed. "Listen up, everyone! Who here thinks I should go along to investigate the skull rock?"

The responses were immediate:

"Aye, heck aye!" (This was Pa-Patch's response.)

"Yeah, take him, please!"

"Have fun out there, ya jerk!"

"Off with ya!"

"You bet!"

"Well, duh."

"Better than keepin' him here."

Bobbery chuckled at this and took the opportunity to tease Flavio: "Well, there yeh have it, Flavio! Fair 'n square, eh what?"

Flavio looked around at each member of the group, shocked and disgusted about how the vote turned out; Edd struggled to stifle a chuckle.

"Well, Mr. Flavio, it would seem that, ahem, the tribe has spoken," Edd told him, imitating the host of a certain island survival series.

"Um, no, not fair," Flavio grumbled. "Flavio hates you all."

The group stared at him in disapproving silence before Flavio chimed in again. "Oh, very well. Seeing as you've all voted, you, Eddward and Mario et al, have the pleasure of my company, albeit temporarily."

Everyone sighed derisively. As Edd looked out at the group, he realized something: His group of heroes was growing ever larger, and with the increasing numbers, it would grow gradually more difficult to keep track of everyone. As he made his way to the path, he arrived at his conclusion.

"Ahem, if I may?" he announced. "I believe that only a handful of us should make the journey this time. Why, if all of us were to make this trek all at once, the risk would be too great."

"Yeah, now that I think about it, Double-D, you've got a point," Nazz agreed. "Who's coming with us? Besides Flavio, I mean."

"Of course, I will be embarking," Edd noted.

"Hey, I'm in," Vivian added.

"Well, if Sockhead's in, I'm in," Eddy said immediately, reaching up to place his arm around Edd's shoulder. "It'd be a shame to lose the brains of the group."

"And if Eddy's going, I'm going, too," Goombella noted.

"As was decided before by the majority, Flavio will be joining us," Edd stated. _Much to our chagrin_.

"And I got me a mission to complete, to honor the memory o' me Scarlette," Bobbery chimed in.

"Yeah, I'm goin', too," Nazz stated.

"Shall we, then?" Edd asked.

"Let's do this thing," Vivian stated.

The group lined up accordingly: Edd and Vivian out in front, with Eddy and Goombella directly behind them, Bobbery behind Goombella, Flavio behind Bobbery (as if to use the admiral as a shield) and Nazz taking up the rear. They had barely taken four steps toward the thicket of the jungle when Kevin called out to them:

"Hey, wait for me!"

The group stopped as Kevin walked up to them, but Nazz rounded on him, pointing a very disapproving finger at him.

"Where do you think _you_ ' _re_ going?" she demanded of him.

"With you guys," Kevin responded.

"Oh, no you're not," Nazz spat. "You are not leaving this camp. I'm going with them for two reasons: to find the Crystal Star, and to get away from _you_."

"Aw, c'mon, Nazz-"

"No, YOU c'mon," said Nazz in a very firm voice. "You are grounded, mister. You are staying here, no ifs, ors, ands, or buts about it.

Edd said nothing, but continued on, followed by the others. Kevin could only watch as Nazz followed them into the jungle, giving him one last look of disgust as she walked off into the thicket.

Jimmy, Koops, Eduardo, Flurrie, and Rolf had all witnessed the scene, and were amazed at the way Nazz told off Kevin, who responded by falling to his knees and groaning in frustration. For Jimmy, though, this created a bit of conflict: Kevin would often target him for his overt sensitivity and childishness; but on the other hand, this didn't stop Kevin from hurting inside as well. The pale boy decided to chime in.

"…Kevin?"

Kevin ignored Jimmy and continued looking ahead of him, making sure no one else could see tears starting to form in the jock's eyes.

"…Are you okay?" Jimmy asked him.

"Leave me alone, Fluffy," Kevin responded firmly.

"If you want to talk-"

"I said leave me alone, Fluffy!"

Kevin rose to his feet and stormed inside the tent, covering his eyes and looking away to make sure no one saw him about to cry.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Back inside the tent, Kevin jumped onto a makeshift bed and buried his face into the pillow, battling his emotions- and apparently losing. The girl he always tried to impress, the girl who always hung out with him, now wanted nothing to do with him… because he had to be a jerk. He had let his hatred for Eddy and his scams come between him and Nazz, and for the first time, was forced to face up to it. This was new territory for the jock, who had always resorted to violence and anger when pushed.

"Nazz…" he moaned. "…I'm sorry… how can I make this up to you…"

"Huh?" asked a new voice, startling him.

Kevin looked up and behind him to find Ralph T sitting in a chair near the bed.

"Oh, Ralphie. How long you been in here?" Kevin asked him.

"Oh, uh… sorry," said Ralph T, looking down.

"Didn't know you were in here," Kevin remarked. "I'll get goin'."

Kevin got up to leave and was halfway to the exit when Ralph sighed heavily, stopping him.

"…what?" he asked the Toad.

"Oh… nothing, I'm just depressed," said Ralph.

"Whatever, I'm out," said Kevin. He proceeded to the tent entrance, and had one foot out onto the dirt outside when he suddenly heard Nazz's angry voice in his head, stopping him in his tracks:

" _Kevin Guiry_ , _there is only one dork in this conversation_ , _and I_ ' _m looking at him_! _And right now_ , _I can_ ' _t stand him_!"

Kevin's eyes widened. He could still picture Nazz's angry face screaming at him:

" _I_ ' _m going with them for two reasons_ : _to find the Crystal Star_ , _and to get away from you_."

As Nazz's angry words played back in Kevin's mind, he found himself faced with the realization that he had screwed up big time, and if he wanted to get back in Nazz's good graces, he actually had to genuinely care for others and help them with their problems, rather than think only of himself. Looking back, Kevin let out an exasperated sigh and returned inside the tent where Ralph was sitting.

"Okay, Ralphie, not that I care or anything, but what's got ya so down in the dumps?" he asked, trying to sound concerned but failing to mask the annoyance in his voice.

"Oh, well, nice to know you care," Ralph retorted, easily detecting Kevin's tone of voice. "I don't think I told you why I _really_ came on this voyage, did I?"

"If ya didn't, I'm sure you're gonna," Kevin grumbled.

Ralph sighed and began telling his tale of woe:

"I wasn't always like this, you know. All depressed and worried all the time. Heck, I'm actually a carpenter, that's what I do for a living; and I was living in Petalburg before all of this. Of course, at the time, I was just nine years old, and my parents were both gone… Ma died, and Pa just hit the road, without so much as a goodbye."

"Man… that's rough," Kevin noted.

"Yeah, but that's not the worst of it," Ralph continued. "See, I wasn't an only child. I have an older brother, and he was sort of my substitute parent figure. Of course, it didn't help that he was only fourteen at the time, still a kid himself, having to raise another kid at the expense of living his own life. Anyways, our finances were running extremely low, and my brother was looking for all kinds of legit ways to make money so we could stay afloat. Eventually, one day, he joined a sailing expedition to find the lost treasure of Keelhaul Key – the same treasure that we're currently looking for – and he left me with Podley at the inn… that day was two years ago."

"And where's your bro now?" Kevin asked him.

"Never saw him again," Ralph responded, his voice breaking, tears forming in his eyes. "I lost everything after just a month… family, finances, you name it. I came to Rogueport to at least try to scratch out a living as a carpenter, and even then, I'm just barely making enough to get by. So when this opportunity came to find the same treasure, I hoped… I hoped that I could finish what my brother started."

"Man… that's rough," Kevin mused. "I guess it's noble, too."

"…I guess so," Ralph sighed.

Kevin looked away from Ralph and to the outside of the tent remained in silence for a little while, before an idea came to Kevin. _Hey_ , _I guess if I can help this guy find his brother_ , _then maybe Nazz won't hate me anymore_ , he thought to himself. _You know what_? _Let_ ' _s do it_ , _then_. Upon finishing his thought, Kevin started to leave the tent, but stopped after two steps and turned back to face Ralph.

"Yo, Ralphie. You just gonna sit there or are ya comin'?" Kevin asked.

"Where, if I may ask?" Ralph asked quizzically.

"Where else? We're gonna finish this thing your bro started," Kevin told him. "So let's find the others so we can find that treasure. I bet your bro would be proud of ya."

"Really? Aw, thanks, man!" said Ralph excitedly.

Ralph stood up and started following Kevin out of the tent, when Kevin wheeled back around and held up his fist in warning.

"One more thing, Ralphie," cautioned the jock. "You tell anyone that I'm bein' all 'nice' and stuff, and I'll pound ya."

"…oh, right, fine, sure," Ralph stated.

Kevin and Ralph made their way out of the tent to catch up with Edd and his group; Ralph hoping to finish what his brother started and find the treasure, and Kevin hoping to get back in Nazz's good graces.

Eduardo Junior saw them leaving, and called out to them: "Hey, where ya's goin'?"

"What's it to ya? We're gonna find the rest of 'em, squirtosaurus," Kevin retorted.

"Well, then, so am I," said Junior as he joined them. "I can't let my dad do this by himself, and I ain't gonna let you convince me otherwise. Oh, and don't ever call me squirtosaurus again, or I'll do ya like those 'Armored Harriers' at the Glitz Pit."

"The walking talking dino-boy in the spotty undergarments speaks the truth, chin-face Kevin," Rolf added, a serious look on his face. "Rolf shall join you!" _Rolf shall also watch head-and-sock Ed-boy and the Vivian witch_.

"Well, if y'all are in, then so am I," declared Koops.

"Ooh! I must go too, for I, Lothar, Destroyer of Evil, shall defend the mushroom people of Planet Something Or Other!" Ed proclaimed.

Everyone else just stared at Ed while Kevin elicited a scoff.

"Um… is he for real?" Ralph asked Kevin.

"That's just him bein' a dork, as usual," Kevin replied. "But I guess that settles it then – looks like we're all in. Now c'mon and let's get a move on before we lose 'em."

Kevin and Ralph gathered much of the remaining crew, including Ed, Koops, Rolf, and Eduardo Junior, and set off into the woods to catch up with their comrades, but Kevin barely took three steps when another voice called out:

"Oy! Wait up there!"

Everyone turned to see Four-Eyes approaching them, with Koops and Rolf analyzing the tall sailor with an air of suspicion.

"What do you want, Horns?" Kevin demanded.

"I'm goin' with ya, and I ain't takin' no for an answer," Four-Eyes replied.

"You?" Koops demanded quizzically. "What for?"

"I, uh, forgot to talk about somethin' very important with the one you refer to as 'Double-D," Four-Eyes replied. "Now what are we waitin' for?"

"Ugh, fine," Kevin said. "But I got my eye on you."

"Same here," said Junior. "You already give me the skeeves."

Rolf said nothing, but continued to scowl at Four-Eyes as though he'd seen him somewhere else before, while Eduardo Junior had begun sharing the others' suspicions. Nevertheless, this second group now led by Kevin set off into the jungle to meet up with Edd and his squadron…

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd's squadron, with Flavio in tow, had arrived at the base of a cliff at the pinnacle of the island. At the base of the cliff wall was a rock in the shape of a skull, flanked by two very strange rocks – one large rock to the left, bearing what appeared to be a blue mustache; and a second smaller rock to the right, bearing a red mustache. Based on the setup, Edd had quickly deduced that the two rocks were statues that served a purpose as guardians of the area. Flavio, however, did not see it as such.

"Ah, what is all this?" he complained. "A dead end, taunting Flavio with its dead-ended-ness-ness-ness…"

"Hmm… With regard to this skull shape, it would appear this is the skull rock that Admiral Bobbery had mentioned earlier," Edd noted.

"Is it now? Ah! Why, it most certainly is!" Flavio quipped, dollar signs in his eyes. "Well, it must positively _reek_ of ancient secrets and what-have-you, yes? Let us plunge into this puzzle!"

As Flavio had finished his statement, Edd stepped closer to the skull rock to examine it. As he did, he eventually but rather quickly noticed the anomaly that stood out.

"Hm, upon closer examination, it would seem that the right eye of the skull rock is considerably larger than the left eye," Edd noted. "Why, the right eye is large enough that you could conveniently place something small and rare into it… but what?"

Only two seconds after pondering his question, Edd slowly turned to face Flavio. Seeing this, Eddy followed suit, as did the others. Flavio grew very nervous upon seeing that everyone was staring at him.

"…What?" he asked nervously.

"Mr. Flavio, if you would please, we require your skull ruby," Edd told him.

"M-m-my skull ruby?!" Flavio gasped. "You ask me to relinquish my skull ruby?! This gem has been in my family for generations, plundered by my ancestor, the fearless Flamenco Lambada! Flavio shall not part with this gem so easily! Not unless you can give Flavio a good reason why he should do so."

With an exasperated sigh, Edd quickly told Flavio about their mission regarding the Crystal Stars, leading to his conclusion that the skull ruby may in fact function as a sort of key.

"Ah, a very interesting, if not rather far-fetched tale you tell, yet so far not a one of you have given Flavio any reason to distrust you," said Flavio. "Very well. But please do be careful with it – it's highly valuable."

Flavio reached into his oversized jacket pocket, pulled out the red skull ruby, and handed it to Edd, who placed the gem very carefully within the skull rock's oversized eye socket. Once he had done this, there was a sudden flash that caused Edd to jump back, followed by a quick rumbling; the eyes of the mustached statues emitted bright flashes of red and blue, prompting the group to gear themselves for a surprise attack… however, as quickly as the phenomenon came, that was also how quickly the phenomenon ended.

"…ooookay then," said Goombella quizzically. "That was… anticlimactic, to say the least."

"Yeah, I half-expected these… mustache boulders to rise up and attack us," quipped Vivian.

Edd said nothing, but examined the blue-mustached statue for any clues; meanwhile, Flavio was trembling due to fear, apparent by the sound of his voice: "uhh…uh…"

"Yo, Flav, dial it down, huh?" Eddy griped, seeing this. "You're givin' me a stroke here."

This did nothing, however, to calm the nerves of the otherwise pompous and eccentric Flavio, who had now begun sweating rather profusely, each bead running down his face almost like river rapids. Eventually, he started singing to calm himself:

"S-skull captain casts his gaze / Red jewel shines and plays / Boom-Bassa-Boom Festival!"

This seemed to have an effect, as he felt his nerves returning to normal, along with his heart rate; his sweating was now much less profuse; and he continued singing, more strongly:

"The Stache Brothers, best of friends! / Three times Red Stache lands on his end! / Blue Stache's belly four times is whacked / So let's hear those fireworks go BOOM! / At the-"

"Okay, okay, we get it, you can sing!" Eddy shouted. "But are ya tryin' to make us go deaf?!"

"Please, Eddy, I'm attempting to analyze our situation," chided Edd, as he was now contemplating the lyrics of Flavio's song. Edd scratched his chin in thought for about fifteen seconds as he thought to himself: _Hmm_ , _intriguing_ … _Let_ ' _s see here_ … _The skull captain casting his gaze could refer to the skull_ - _shaped boulder in front of us_ … _The red jewel refers to Flavio_ ' _s ruby skull_ … _of course_!

Suddenly the hidden message in Flavio's song became apparent to Edd, who snapped his fingers and proclaimed:

"By George, I think I've got it! Gather round, fellows."

"What is it, Double-D?" asked Vivian as everyone gathered closer to Edd.

"Well, as bothersome as Flavio's, ahem, _caterwauling_ is, it would seem his song contains a secret coded message," Edd explained. "If I may, the lyrics referring to the skull captain and the red jewel are both clear references to the skull-shaped boulder that rests at the base of this rock wall as well as Flavio's ruby skull, which serves as a sort of key. When I inserted the ruby skull into the skull's larger eye socket, it activated the two mustached boulders on either side of us, referred to in the song as the 'Stache Brothers.' And if I'm correct about the next verses…"

Edd approached the smaller boulder, bearing a red mustache; due to the boulder's small size, it was relatively easy for him to climb on top of it. He crouched down so he could point his hand toward the face of the statue, and he exclaimed:

"Triple Fireball!"

Three relatively small fireballs struck the red-mustached statue; the three-fold impact wasn't enough to knock Edd off of the statue into the shallow water, so it was somewhat simple for the sock-headed boy to maintain what ground he had.

"What the heck ya doin', Sockhead?" Eddy asked incredulously.

Edd ignored Eddy's question as he raised his hand toward the larger, blue-mustached statue from where he stood, and exclaimed:

"Quadruple Fireball!"

Four more fireballs flew from Edd's outstretched hand and struck the larger statue. As this next piece of the riddle that was Flavio's song had been solved, both statues emitted a bright flash, and a short panel opened up above the skull-shaped carving, almost reminiscent of the secret entrance of the Great Boggly Tree.

"Yeah, so what's the point of that, Sockhead?" Eddy grumbled.

"Patience, Eddy," chided Edd. "Now, if the final verse of the song remains true to its word, it seems this rather minuscule entrance above the carving is just large enough for a relatively small creature to enter through…"

"Uh-uh! No way! Sorry, wrong number," groaned Goombella.

"Aye there, miss, I do believe this be where ol' Bobbery shines," said Admiral Bobbery as he approached the carving and stopped as he looked up at where the entrance had appeared.

"Eddward, boy, can ye be a good mate 'n give this ol' salty sea dog a boost?" asked the salty Bob-omb. "These ol' feet can't jump as high as they used to."

"Certainly, Admiral, sir," said Edd. The sock-headed boy proceeded to pick up the seafaring Bob-omb and insert him into the small tunnel above the skull carving, where he seemed to vanish inside the tunnel.

"Aye, boy, if yeh'd please be so kind as to be steppin' back a few paces?" came Bobbery's voice from within the wall.

Fortunately, Bobbery's voice was clear enough to Edd that it could be understood, and Edd faced his companions to relay Bobbery's order:

"Everyone, please step back!"

The group stepped back in anticipation for what was about to come next, while Bobbery called from within the wall:

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

Within two seconds, an explosion from within the cave destroyed the boulder blocking the main entrance, leaving a cloud of dust and smoke. Admiral Bobbery emerged from the entrance as the smoke dissipated, completely unscathed, leaving the others dumbfounded.

"Aye, why ye be lookin' at me so?" Bobbery asked.

"Well, um… you exploded," said Vivian.

"Har! Don't ye be worryin' yer pretty head there, lass," Bobbery chuckled. "I can explode meself without self-destructin'. 'Tis a special skill we Bob-ombs use er'ry now 'n then."

"Dang! Even Lumpy can't do that!" Eddy gasped. "And I've had him eat his mattress once."

"Please don't remind me, Eddy," chided Edd, recalling Eddy's manipulation of Ed with a Baron O' Beef Dip toy.

"Enterprising, I must say, Admiral," Edd marveled. "Well then, the Crystal Star has got to be located in this cave."

"Along with other loot!" Eddy chuckled, the dollar signs forming in his eyes.

"Focus, Eddy!" Goombella chided. "We're only here for the Crystal Star. Don't make me headbonk you."

"And besides, Eddy, much of the, erm, logic of our cartoon doesn't apply in this particular story," Edd reminded him, breaking the fourth wall. "Well, then, shall we?"

"But wait!" Flavio shouted. "What of my precious ruby skull? That gem was part of the House of Flavio! Oh, me, oh, my where is my-"

The question was answered almost immediately as the gem bonked Flavio in the head and knocked him to the floor, rendering him dizzy and inciting raucous laughter from Eddy.

"Well, that answers that question," Goombella chuckled.

Flavio then shook his head and regained his balance as he stood upright.

"Oh, Flavio's okay," he said, pocketing the ruby skull as he started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Nazz asked, seeing this.

"Well, see, I think I've done all I need to," Flavio said nervously. "I think I'll just head back to camp and-"

"No way, dude!" Nazz retorted. She and Goombella stepped in front of Flavio to prevent him from leaving.

"Oh, why must you delay Flavio's departure?" Flavio complained.

"Please, Flavio, you cannot leave now," Edd reminded him. "There's a chance we may still require your assistance within the cave."

"No, no, NO! You cannot make me go in there!" Flavio complained.

"Well, I don't see what choice you have," Goombella fired back. "Let's go!"

"Yes, well, ahem, shall we now?" Edd asked.

With Edd leading the way once more, the collective group proceeded to venture forth into the cave known as the Pirate's Grotto in search of the fifth Crystal Star, unknowing of what traps no doubt lay within…

 **End of Part Five**


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